Hey, it's me Michael Costa. The Daily Show is on break for the holidays, but in the meantime we put together some special highlights just for you. We'll be back in the new year on January seventh with all new episodes.
Arizona State Legislator Randy Graff values our Second Amendment right to bear arms, and.
I don't see why that right should be abridged. Well, you're doing just about anything.
So he proposed a bill that would close up a bizarre loophole in Arizona.
Law, Senate Bill twelve ten. There's a very simple measure that would change our Arizona statutes and a lot of the carrier of weapons into establishments at serve alcohol.
You hurt him right. For some insane reason, bars in Arizona are currently gun free.
Is there anything more terrifying than a room full of people without guns?
I guess what would be more terrified would be a room full of people not allowed to have guns.
I just got chills.
Grafts bill to allow guns and bars has already passed the House, but even common sense ideas have their opponents, like Democratic Representative John Laredo.
When people drink, we don't allow them to drive. Why, well, because their motor skills are inhibited and their judgment is inhibited.
Drinking and driving is illegal because cars can crash and kill people. A gun is hardly a car.
A gun is more dangerous than a car if you've got alcohol involved. So I'm just saying that guns and bars shouldn't be alone with alcohol.
There's no need to shout.
Okay a shouting at me?
As a gun owning former marine, John Laredo is hardly qualified to evaluate gun laws, unlike Randy Graff, whose views are informed by his experience as a golf pro.
For me, it's relatively simple. For many years I had to interpret the rules of golf, and the rules of golf book is sixty five pages or so long. We've got our Constitution here. I read that as my newest rule book.
If the Arizona Legislature passes this bill, I'm sorry, Can we go back for a second here? Did he just compare the Constitution to a book of golf rules?
Man?
I love this guy.
Anyway.
The majority of the people that we've heard from are very opposed to this legislation, So aren't you just cow taling to the majority of Arizonians? I think any reasonable rational person couttwing to me, aren't you Look if you're so paranoid that you don't believe you can walk into a bar without a gun, then you probably shouldn't be there in the first place.
What are you gonna do if a bear walks into a bar and you're unarmed, You're gonna get eaten by that bear.
So how will this law affect those on the front lines? I spoke with Ernie Ross, who owns the Steelhorse Saloon, a local drinking establishment for motorcycle enthusiasts.
Evidently, the person who is behind trying to push this bill has no experience in the bar business. Liquor and firearms don't mix.
Alcohol causes conflicts, Firearms resolve conflicts. It's a no blinner.
Logic tells you that alcohol and firearms don't mix.
If yeah, if you're a pussy, If you're a pussy. Ernie and I had a delightful chat, a rational exchange of ideas.
Is all right, you're calling me a pussy. So would you prefer me taking this bottle of beer I got in my hand and cracking it over your face, or you prefer me reaching to my back fling out my fire arm and putting a bullet between your eyes.
Which do you prefer?
I would say, if you hit me over the face with a beer bottle.
Then then you're you're you're being a pussy. To prove to the pussies that guns and liquor do mix, I conducted a I conducted a scientific experiment.
I'll be right back.
I did find that a small amount of alcohol made me somewhat more aggressive. Yeah, but with the appropriate dosage, my behavior changed completely. You, oh, man, go ahead. Yeah. I headed back to the Steelhorse Saloon and had the time of my life, that is, until I reminded them that they're all a bunch of pussy's. If only I'd brought my gun.
Earlier.
Today, the Vice President was hospitalized after complaining of shortness of breath or at Helms are standing by at the George Washington University Hospital.
Where there's.
Uh, what can you tell us about the vice president's condition at this moment?
John?
The vice president is going to be just fine.
Uh what.
Happened? Dad?
Well, as you know, the Vice President only speaks at conservative friendly audiences. American Enterprise Institute Opus Day the Whitington Oil in Jesus Society. This time he spoke at the Heritage Foundation. We are not quite sure how it happened, but he was somehow exposed to a small amount of descent and suffered a mild reaction.
Descent.
Yes, John, the vice president is extremely allergic to dissent. That's why he only speaks to friendly crowds. It's not that he doesn't want to hear the other side. It's that people who disagree with him actually disagree with him. You remember his near death experience after Katrina got as.
I was talking to the mayor in those areas. One of the things you go.
Going to figure out what to do with all of the breed. That one made his head swell up like a medicine ball. John. They actually had to stick Cheney in the neck with an epinephrine pen But this time it wasn't so bad. That's right, John. They think he was only exposed to a trace Himount. Apparently one of the bus boys at the luncheon voted for Nader in two thousand and four.
Where's the Vice president right now?
Ed At the moment, he's back resting comfortably in his sensory inundation chamber.
Inundation.
Sensory inundation.
Yes, John, an ergonomically designed, fully catheterized, velvet lined sarcophagus that nurtures the Vice president on a constant stream of ideology, reinforcing audio and video. He's removed very infrequently for speeches and the occasional wipe down. They coat him with talk first, but he still builds up one heck of a snake.
What's it starcomagust, what's it like to be inside that thing?
I'll show you John. This is what Cheney sees while he's resting inside led the egle sort like she's never sort before.
From Rocky Coast, the Golden Shore, Let the mine.
Thank you ed.
That helms everybody.
In the last few years, America's so called culture war, it's been sadly overshadowed by our so called war war, but the saddle battles continue to be raged all across the country. At Helms reports on.
One last year, Massachusetts became the first state to allow gay marriage, and critics fear the worst.
If gay marriage is legalized, Madam, then you're going to have to legalize polygamy.
To redefine marriage is really to redefine it out of existence.
A break down to the family, children being born out of wedlock, and communities and cultures indicate. Now just one year later, Massachusetts pro family activist Brian Camenkerk believes those fears have become reality.
You know, the gay marriage issue is destructive on many levels. You have to deal with it in business, you have to deal with it in the public school ware, you have to deal with it in the public schools.
So the quality of life has decreased. Yeah, holmlestness gone up.
I can you know, crime rates, crime rates, air quality. I mean, let me put it this way. I could if I could sit here and I could probably you know, find some way of connecting the dots to gay marriage to all of these if I had enough time and I did some research.
Yeah. Why take time to do the research when saying it is so much faster. Besides, the statistics are clear cut. Now that gay marriage is legal, Massachusetts ranks dead last in illiteracy, forty eighth in per capita poverty, and a pathetic forty ninth in total divorces. Somehow, Don and Robert, one of the states first married gay couples, don't see the problem. A lot of things that affect the state of Massachusetts far more profoundly than two people who love each other and getting married.
Name one thing in Massachusetts that's not ruined? Well, I guess I.
Look at the people way around.
I mean, I can't think of anything that gay's marriage has actually caused other than letting people get married.
Easy for them to say, How does legalized gay marriage affect your relationship with your God?
That's such a ridiculous question I don't even want to answer. Are you like asking me serious questions or not?
Of course? Okayah? Is it hard to stay interested in your wife with temptation out there?
Margot? Mean, come on, what are.
Some other gay activities you haven't indulged in?
Indulged in? What do you mean.
The damage isn't limited to straight marriages.
Has legalized same sex marriages led to more homosexuals?
I think that in the Broadway it has, of course, the Broadway has always had its share of homosexuals, But in a broader sense, just how gay has Massachusetts become?
To find out, I'll be using this gay detection device. It's kind of a radar for gayness, or gay radar. It's called a hormometer. I calibrated the meter and began my investigation. Ugly, I hate it.
I hate that stupid, I hate that stupid.
Stupid, fabulous, fabulous, fabulous, fabulous, I hate it.
I hate that.
Oh my god, oh my god. That's okay. I think, what does the insidious infiltration of gayness mean for the state?
You know, it's a little scary as to where this movement might be headed. Gay activists use a lot of the pr tactics and propaganda tactics that the Nazis used.
That comparison is a bit extreme, don't you think. I mean, what did the Nazis do that was so bad?
Perhaps? No comparison captures the perversity of what marriage means.
To gaze a companion through thick and thin, a warm bed at night, yeah, yeah, someone to share your life with, someone to grow old with. Yeah, that's disgusting.