Stormy Daniels's NSFW Testimony | Lexi Freiman

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With your Home Jordan Clemper.

Welcome to Daily John, George Flemmer got so much to talk about tonight. Vladimir Putin somehow wins reelection. New Yorkers are getting paid to snitch, and we find out if Donald Trump is good at sex.

He's not.

So let's get into headlines. Let's kick things off. Last night's met Gala. Now the magical night when the world's most fast sable cultural icons try to figure out how the fuck they're gonna fit their spiky headdress into an uber pool On fashion's biggest night.

Gordon inspired looks on full display right in Bloom with this year's dress code the Garden of Times.

Fans tried to figure out which star was fully covered head to toe in a floor length beij umbrella.

Now this is a water singer Tyla. So many people talking about this. She had to be carried up the stairs of the net. The dress, which was made of sand, was simply too heavy.

Okay, okay, a dress made of sand is super impressive. Who are you wearing Coney Island? Thank you very much. I like how she had four people carry her up the stairs. I bet Joe Biden saw that and turned to the Secret Service, like, let's just do that from now on. But the true glam heads weren't paying attention to the met gala because the real action last night was in Moscow. Or Vladimir Putin held an opulent inauguration that just screamed definitely not a dictator for life.

We continue to watch live pictures from Moscow, where Vladimir Putin begins his fifth term as Russian president. The strong Man has already been in office for nearly a quarter century. Putin's new term doesn't end until twenty thirty in At that point he'll be eligible to.

Run for another six years if he wants.

It has been a lavish and opulent ceremony there in Moscow.

Come on, lad you can't show up to all this in a suit a lot. They got the wizards and the golden walls. You're walking in like you're late from the office. Man, how do you think Merlin over here feels? Huh? He's like I went full Hogwarts over here. Now I feel like a dig Flad. You act like you don't even want to be here, but this is your whole thing. I mean, I'm not criticizing you. You're the one with the poison, but still have done this over zoom. Let's

The whole thing is a scam.

Today was the biggest day yet in the trial of Donald Trump because today Stormy Daniels herself took the stand, and you could tell from the start that the coverage was going to be delicate.

Right now in the courtroom, our reporters in there are sending us notes updates every second that they can, and mister Trump's defense attorney, Susan Nichols is saying, quote, we're informed to the second witness today will be Stormy Daniels. We want to renew our objection to her testifying, particularly about any details of any sexual acts that is mister Trump's attorney the prosecutors is also saying, quote, in terms of the sexual act, it will be very basic. I

So read it.

Oh, come on, Jake Tapper and Dana Bash acting like you're too good for this, like you've never seen genitalia before. All right, they're very prudish for people whose names sound like poor names. Jake Tapper and Dana Bash and State of the Union. Yeah, oh, they're gonna smear Kanish all

Daniels testified that when she first entered Trump's hotel suite, he greeted her wearing silk pajamas. She says she joked that he stole Hugh Hefner's pajamas and asked him to change, which he did. According to Daniels, when she asked Trump about his wife, he admitted that he and Malania sleep in separate beds. After speaking with Trump for a while, Daniels told Trump he was rude and didn't know how to have a conversation. Someone should spank you with that magazine,

At poor poor Maggie has in print media suffered enough spanking, silk pajamas, separate beds. These revelations are so uncomfortably personal that even Drake is like, oh, sucks to be that guy. But if that stuff made you uncomfortable, hold on, it gets worse.

Daniels testified that at one point, prior to them having sex, Trump told her she reminded him of his daughter of Vodka, saying they were both smart, blonde, beautiful women who people underestimated.

Hashtag girl dad Louck.

I know it's old news to us that Donald Trump wants to mercanish his daughter. But remember, the court worked hard to find an unbiased jury, which means there's at least one person on there who was in a coma for the last ten years. And I bet that guy is losing his mind. There are you hearing this? Are you hearing this? That's the president and his daughter and a port star. Oh wait, all, my friend Prince hears

Of the trailer park. Yikes.

So from isn't just a bad lover who thinks talking about his daughter is an acceptable form of foreplay. He's a creep who dangles career advancement over women to get them to have sex with him, because lord knows they're not in it for the two minutes of thrusting. Personally, I find it disappointing. I mean, who would have thought a man found liable for sexual assault would coerce a woman into sex? I mean, honestly, It's like you can't

I would say the mood is uncomfy. Like I was so perturbed. I made myself feel better by remembering that time I watched Saltburn with my parents.

That's how bad it was today.

But I got to tell.

You, it's pretty brutal hearing someone's dumb horny man moves read aloud in the cold light of a courtroom.

I'm I'm sorry, dumb horny man moves.

You know the things that you say and do right before you have sex with someone for the first time, The sexy stuff that you do in the moment that no one should ever rehash. You know, the faces and phrases like your lips look like two big worms.

Oh okay, Well, I mean some Babel's man moves are pretty solid. I bet you.

Keep telling yourself that big guy, like, what's your go to move when you get to the bedroom.

Well, I don't know if this is the time or the plan. One time, uh, one time, I said, oh, alrighty then just like a Spentura. But it was it was a good reference because we had both just seen a Spentura. I mean she hadn't, but I had explained the movie to her.

And it was.

It's kind of a sexy moment for both of us.

Cool.

Try, what's your point that that testifying about people's man moves should have no place in the legal system.

No, No, I actually I think the opposite. I think every trial should have it. You know, imagine if every time you committed a crime, the prosecutors could put your X on the stand and describe your most mediocre hookup in grave detail, and then a stenographer and a cardigan.

Wrote it all down, and then.

Jake Tapper broadcasted on national television.

Yeah, Frankly, okay, I see you. That is a cliff point. I mean, you put it that way, I would be the most law abiding citizen in history, exactly.

Yeah, right now, I'm about fifty to fifty on committing crimes, like I can see myself counterfeiting stamps.

But if it meant I'd have to sit through a.

Retelling of how one night I got on all fours and I said, tell me you're proud of me. I wouldn't even get a parking ticket. I wouldn't even own a car. This might be the greatest crime deterrent in history.

So you're saying we should just air all of Trump's dirty details in an attempt to lower crime rates.

No, Jordan, I am asking you to tell me you're proud of me.

Oh right, then, Troy, what everybody? We come back, We'll find out how to make money by snitches.

We'll go away.

Welcome back to the Daily Show. There are a lot of annoying problems with living in New York City. But does he Laidak found some heroes. We're trying to solve one of them. Take a look in New York.

You've got to have a side hustle, whether it's being a naked cowgirl or being an older naked cowgirl. But I recently learned about a new hustle that's actually helping the planet.

The way to make some easy money. Get some video of a trucker idling in New York City.

There are heavy fines for dirtying the air, and so called idoh warriors get a share To learn.

More, I met up with the idle Warriors, a group of citizen vigilantes who are cashing in on this green gig. They say, idle hands are the devil's workshop. What made you decide to use your idle hands to stop idling?

Over seven million people die every year on this planet due to air.

Pollution, and we can change this if we just turned our engines off. The anti idling law was created nineteen seventy one by City of New York, but it wasn't.

Being enforced at all, So it's kind of like when white people do drugs.

I thought that if citizens got an opportunity, they would do it.

As an environmental attorney, Samara Swanston wrote a law allowing any Nark Yorker to report an idling vehicle and collect twenty five percent of the city fine. That's almost eighty eight bucks a pop. But what if I don't want a Karen on my Amazon driver?

The companies are the ones who pay the fine. The drivers themselves do not pay the fine. It's the the commercial.

Vehicle, So you're actually snitching on the companies.

What we're actually doing is holding big companies like Amazon, Khan, Ed, and Verizon accountable for polluting our air and literally killing people In New York.

Yes, so cool.

See in elementary school, I was always wearing as a tattletale. But now I'm saying that that was just good training to be an environmentalist. Okay, so we're taking down the man, not my actual mailman. Clearly this isn't about the money, but.

We're all friends here.

How much how much do you make?

I know gentlemen that have made over one hundred thousand dollars a year.

What wow. I'm not a mathematician, but if I take the sum of my credit card debt added to the cost of being a woman in America, multiplyed by eighty four percent of what a man makes, and subtract the earnings from reporting on a dozen idling vehicles.

I'm rich.

How many people know about this? Am I getting in on the ground floor? Or is this like Bitcoin where I'm going to have to cut my losses by selling my beanie babies.

It's only about maybe twenty to thirty of us who are submitting the bulk of the complaints.

I think we should just keep it between us. It's like an orgy.

You don't want to advertise it to everybody.

You want a small, dedicated group and hopefully Jake Jillen.

Hall with an orgy, you would think the more than marry I think, you know. We hope that everybody participates.

Our ultimate goal is for an idling to end. The best pain that we can get is clean.

Air, money, clean air, actually clean air.

There's so much island going on that as long as you're in the right place, you can really get.

One after another.

Let's snitch.

We are a group of vigilant workers looking out for the best pictures of our neighbors.

I wrote the bill because I wanted to see a change in the future.

I have a Nordstrom credit card that hasn't been paid off in seven years.

Are they even in business anymore?

What do I do?

I'm ready to make some money a difference, make a difference to keep.

Your ears tuned to the sound of engines listening ears yep. Then you use your iPhone to capture the headquarters address and the license plate. See these blinking lights here, I'm this truck man. Yes, that's a good signal that they're idly.

So you're so when I see these blinking lights, there's good here.

Just like that.

And then how long do we do this for?

With three minutes and ten seconds.

Yeah, it's a long period of time.

But then I do this for three minutes.

If you want to get paid, you have to do it right.

Turns out activism is really boring, Andy hydrating. I'm just gonna pop in for a quick mark Mark Confronting truckers takes balls. Luckily, George and I have those balls.

I'm gonna go and tell that driver that he's breaking the law.

George.

Yes, I just want you to know, Yes, I'm right here with you. I am right behind you.

I got your back.

Do you know why why? Because we're partners for life.

Love it right behind you?

Can we shut the engine off so you compliant with the law.

I'm not with him?

What a great?

So you think you've learned enough to go out on your own totally all right. I'm going to welcome you to become an idle warrior, George.

You can count on me. After a full day of saving the Earth, it was time to celebrate with my fellow warriors. This rounds on me here to the real superheroes protecting this planet.

So when do we get paid?

It takes about two years.

Okay, I'm out.

Thank you, Devid, we come back. Novelist Lexi free Bad, We'll be joining me on the show Don't Go Away. Welcome back to the Daily Show.

Guest today is an author who's laid.

This book is the Book of Iron. Please welcome Lexi Freeman.

Welcome, Welcome, Thank you, Thank you so.

Much, Lexi. Yes, I love this book. This book is so funny and searing. Do you like Syring?

Yeah?

I love Sirius. You love Syring?

Yeah?

You want a seering novel. It gets into the ship. It makes fun of a little bit of everything and reveals something about yourself. I mean, it reveals nothing about me. I don't see myself at any kind of literature. But I love this book. I think this book starts it follows somebody who gets canceled. Yes, and then one of her first moves is she finds the writings of ein Rand.

Yes, and you.

Describe her initial her initial thoughts about Iran as the character says and the main characters, I had always considered her the gateway drug for bad husbands to quit their jobs and start online stock trading.

Yeah, yeah, so true.

What is a compelling about iinran for you and starting a novel like this?

I mean, to me, she was you know, basically the worst person I could write a book about, which really appealed to me. She's so contentious within the culture. But I had recently watched a documentary about her when I started thinking about this, and to be honest, I mean, her ideas are provocative and difficult, but she also just had like a crazy sex life, which I found.

You know, she was essentially in an open relationship at.

The end of her you know, in her sixties, she was having an affair with like a man twenty five years younger than her. So like Inrand was basically a polyamorous, Like she had a polycule, which I think people sort of like don't know about her, and it kind of destroyed her in the end. She ended up sort of like having a nervous breakdown when he was cheating on her. It kind of undermined her whole philosophy of selfishness in a way, and I found that incredibly interesting and funny.

She's just funny funny.

If there's one thing that's gonna take Iran down, who thought it was going to be polyamorous.

It was polyamory.

It was polyamoring that did it in the end, which I just find delicious.

I think it's fount I think your book sort of looks at what it means to be selfish. It sort of examines narcissism, Like what to you is interesting about the idea of narcissism and if you can make it about me, well.

Yes exactly.

I mean, you know, I'm not the first person to say this, but the culture is pretty narcissistic, and so you know, wanting to write a satire about the culture, you know, you want to write something that's going to speak to all sides. And I kind of felt, like, you know, narcissism is also, uh, something that speaks to the nature of the artist, which this book is about someone who's grappling with this idea of selfishness and wanting to be the best and wanting to be interesting and

It starts, it starts to unpack, start to unpack this idea of cancel culture, Like, how do you see that? Is there an upside to cancel culture?

I mean, yes, sure, there's you know things, it moves the needle, there's cultural change in a way that can

So, you're saying, in order for me to get enlightened, I have to first get canceled. Is that what I need to do Tonight tonight maybe. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna hold off. I want to hold on to that ego just a little bit longer. Yeah.

I think enlightenment is good for you know, as you get older, and you know, we are all supposed to be sort of shedding our egos and not caring about these things that preoccupy us.

In our youth. So I feel like getting enlightened is.

Something you could put off time, you know, retirement slash enlightenment and that that seems like a thing.

Yeah, working at Walmart, Mart, go go go work at enlightenment, right, that's the time.

Yeah.

Yes, Now this is a sattire. I think it's I think it's it's fascinating how you're so specific in this book and you're able to satirize the left and the right as you move this character through these spaces. I guess I'm curious. I always view satire and the Daily Show. We dabble in it here and there, but more other than me, it seems like satire is a broad sword. It's rarely uh, it's scalpel.

Yeah.

It seems as if you find complexity in it. How do you find complexity and satire?

I think you just have to be really specific.

You have to be really generous, like the reader is smart. You can't try to trick them with easy kind of ideas and jokes.

I can. I mean sometimes it can be very rewarding.

Yes, and a lot of people will fall for it.

But if you want to kind of if you want the reader to really come on side with you, and especially with your most transgressive material, then you've got to really not take them for granted, and you've really.

I edit the crap out of my books.

I go in there, I try to see it from all different sides, and I really try to get as specific as possible, you know, so that the reader feels like I respect their intelligence and I you know, I'm thinking of the thing they might argue back with me about, and I get specific. You know, there's a scene in the book, a sex scene where the character is pretending to do the locker room scene from Jerry Maguire.

Do you remember that bit? Yeah?

So you know, I watched that scene a lot, and I really got very specific about how you might perform form certain sexual acts while doing the Jerry Maguire lock a scene. So you know, you just you do it, You just you you commit and you and you really go all the way with it.

If obsessing and thinking about sex scenes from movies could make you a great author, I think I would be a great author. I'm curious. I'm curious what you say

That's it.

I'm always, in a sense trying to cancel myself as I'm writing. I'm thinking of like what would someone who thinks the opposite of this say? And then what would the counter argument be? And like how would I destroy myself if I wanted to?

That's how I write.

I'm just constantly thinking of of these other arguments, and in a sense, it just makes your writing better and better, and in a weird, corny way, it makes you better because the more you think about what the other side might think and try to make your argument better, you know, the smarter and the more kind of compassionate you become.

Who do you imagine your audiences when you're writing?

Oh God, I.

Mean I think it's just like this mean voice in my own quiet. Yeah, it's literally just me being as mean as I can to myself.

I don't know, there's probably a few.

I think there's a couple of critics I think about a little bit. Ones I respect and ones I don't. They're in my head, some of my friends who are writers that are kind of in my head. But yeah, and yes, definitely like these people I imagine holding really different opinions to me. I feel like there's like an avatar of that person that's sort of they're saying, but what about you know this? And why aren't you thinking

It's a whole there's a whole.

Parliament of people in there telling me that I'm getting it wrong.

Well, I would say, I think you got to write that. I find this book hilarious, fantastic. Congratulations. I hope at least one of those voices in your head is happy with the product. The bulk of ID is available now, Lexi Freeman, We're going to take a quick break right back after that.

That's our show for tonight.

Now Here it is.

Who directed you to the bathroom? How's that question? Hoffinger to Stormy Daniels. I went out of the dining area, through a room, through a bedroom to the master bathroom. Did notice that someone had used the restroom because there was a leather looking toiletry bag on the counter with products in it, and there was old Spice.

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