Ronny Chieng Reports On A Temporary Truce in the Middle East | John Oliver

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From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that intented news. This is the Daily Show with your host No need Jack.

Thank you that you welcome to the Daily Show. I'm on Chang and I'm a guess hosting. Thank you, Thank you, thank you. Let's go. We got show. We got a show. I'm right Chang and I'm guest hosting for one day only. Dreams do come true. I just want to thank the network for believing in me for twenty three minutes only. We've got a great show for you tonight. So let's get into the headlines. Let's have the big news. Who are apparently close to a truce in the Middle East.

A breakthrough in the hostage negotiations is closer than it's ever been, US officials say. Multiple news reports quoting Hamas and Israeli officials are this morning outlining a possible deal, a multi day ceasefire with at least fifty Israeli and international hostages freed in waves, with more to follow, and Palestinians detained in Israel, women and children released in exchange.

Yes, some good news. I mean it's not great news, but it's the Middle East, so we'll take it. But that's right. Is Royan Hamas are close to temporary truce. Israel will stop bombing for a few days, and Hamas will release some of the hostages, specifically women, children, and one guy who is just really really annoying. This guy won't show the podcast came out of here. Still, for the hostages who are being released, I just want to say congratulations, and I want to prepare you. Andre three

This morning, an open revolt inside open ai, the company behind the groundbreaking artificial intelligence chatbot known as chat GPT, just days after the company's board of directors fired at CEO Sam Altman, claiming he had not been candid in communications with them, under twenty five out of the approximately seven hundred and seventy employees signing a letter attacking the board's competence and threatening to quit if Altmant is not reinstated.

Wow, the CEO of open Ai got fired and all the employees threatened to go with him. I mean, these startups are such cults. Who cares that much about that boss? I mean, Trevor quit right in front of me, and I didn't do shit. I was like, all right, man, I'll see you later. You're not supposed to care about your boss.

Okay.

No bus boy at Red Lobster's committing supuku because that manager got canned Asian references. That's what I'm here for. I mean, it's also ironic that the people creating technology that's going to destroy everyone's jobs are also fighting so hot to save one guy's job. Seeing Ted Bundy perform CPR. Also, the word'st top ai company is not the place you want to hear that people are fighting over philosophical differences. The stakes are too high, all right, It's fine when

Okay, with AI.

It's more like, Hey, am I gonna have a robot sex slave? Or am I gonna be the robot sex slave? I mean, just to be clear, I'm cool with you. The one I just want to know. The crazy thing is we still don't know why they fired him. I mean, my working theory is that humans from the future Resistance came back in time to fire this guy before he could destroy the world. Swasenaga shows up, like you are terminated, put your things in this box. It's always tough to

This morning, with Thanksgiving just days away, the new wave of prescription weight loss medications are altering how many will approach their holiday eating. With the average American consuming more than twice they're recommended daily calories on a typical Thanksgiving Day, Drugs like ozempeic, wagovie and Munjaro can be a game changer for those battling with obesity. Doctor suggests if you're taking these medications, be prepared to manage your feasting expectations.

They enable people to have a couple of bites and then say I don't need to eat a large portion of this. That was enough. This is the most American story ever. Big Fama created a drug to help Americans eat less, and now they're having anxiety over what they're going to do on the eating holiday. Although I will say ozempic is great for people whose parents can't cook. Okay, I mean no, Mom, I'm not hungry because of the Ozmpic.

Well, it definitely comes with its own problems. If everyone in the family is eating less. That means most of the food is going to waste unless you take it to the homeless shelter. But come on, that's like a twenty minute drive.

Okay, but I mean, I guess the family could just make less food.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not go that far.

Okay, there's actually a much better solution. Gluttonol.

It's a new.

Drug that dramatically increases your appetite during the twenty four hours of Thanksgiving. You inject o zepic into your thigh, You inject Gluttonol into your neck, and boom your deep throat in Aunt Karen's fingerlings all night long.

Yeah okay, but isn't that going to help your metabolism? Oh?

Yeah, big time. If only there was a drug that could fix that.

Well, guess what it's called. Composo.

You pop a couple of these pills up your butt, and your metabolism is even out for the day.

Okay, okay, hold on, hold on, Costa, you're putting these drugs up your butt at Thanksgiving table. Won't that win on your family?

Oh?

Oh it will, which is why you'll have to drug your family. Introducing Happy Narrow It sends everyone's oxytocin levels through the roof. Just slip a tablespoon of this in the gravy boat and let the hugging begin.

Okay, Wait, isn't oxytocin the whole moon that makes people horny?

Yes?

Yeah, a family orgy is a possible side of them, which is why you need demarolin. Just put a few drops in your eyes and voila, you're as flaccid and dry as Grandma's brisket. Now you do have to take at the same time as the butt pills, otherwise you'll.

Die, Okay, because not stop. Okay, this is dumb instill people taking all these drugs. Why can't they just not eat as much?

Oh?

Oh, I'm so sorry that some of us need a little help to eat less and then eat more and then talk to our family without having sex with them.

Okay, Okay, I'm I'm sorry. Okay, I guess I just wish there was a way people could enjoy life without putting drugs in the veins and up the butts.

Well, there is Ronnie introducing cocaine.

Cocaine is one of the butts, not Michael pox.

I'll be way, hey, say something for me.

All right, when we come back, we find out how Donald Trump manages all his court gates. So don't go away. Welcome back to damn Shaw. Let's talk about the only man who's seen more court time than Lebron Donald Trump. Yesterday, his lawyers asked the court to release him from a gag order so he can called the judge of Fat Mexican or something. But that's just one of his four billion court cases. And you might be wondering how is Trump able to juggle all these court appointments and run

Donald Trump has another court date on the calendar after pleading not guilty for the third time in four months.

God damn it, another lawsuit. My name is Barnaby Dirk and I am Donald Trump's official scheduler, and I want to die. I have a color coded system that falls apart every ten minutes. But red is for state court prep, blue is for federal court cases, Yellow is New York City court cases. Purple is for a time he spends with his kids. But I also use it for fraud charge cases because they basically overlap. Then each morning I input a daily schedule into a comedy electro monthly calendar

Oh yeah, yeah, sure, we can put a.

Deposition on the books, but could you just please remind me what day comes between Tuesday and Wednesday? Oh really, Well, then I guess we'll have to invent one to fit it in, won't we, you freaking asshole. I've kept schedules for CEOs types of industry that nextum guy. It's never been a problem, no matter how much they get sued or how many secret families they have. But this is like nothing.

I've done before.

Sometimes I have to get creative about scheduling two things at once. Like one time, mister Trump had a round of golf that he refused to cancel, but he also had to bury his x ye Evana, so I figured out how to have him at both places at once.

There are reports that Ivanna will be buried in New Jersey on the grounds of the Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster.

I want to go to calendar for that. It's my profession's top award because you can see sometimes after scheduled down to the minute when he's going for the court case. Bathroom breaks when he comes out, when he stands outside and goes on a rant about how the stenographer is rigging a case, or that the clerk really wants to bone him or something. I haven't left this building in six months. I pretty much live on Logan Paul's energy drinker and Don Junior's.

Left over coke.

I think I have kids. Do I have kids? I don't remember, but I dream about the day when there's nothing left to schedule.

I did it.

I scheduled at all.

A former president Trump now has another court date. I'm Dougley sat in Washington. We'll have you now.

Yeah, money for.

Pleas.

Wow, that guy's him cool. When we get back, John Oliver will be joined me on the show, So don't go away.

Welcome back to.

The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a former failed correspondent at the Daily Show. He's done nothing since then. Please welcome mister John Oliver alone.

Yes, that's right, that's right.

We get it enough for enough.

I agree with you more than I agree with them.

Well, well, wells come crawling back? Yes, yes, I started.

I know.

It's pretty weird to be back I do not like being in that guest room at all. That was the one room where I worked here. You were not allowed to go in, and I don't like being in it now. It feels like I'm doing something wrong by being inside it.

You never you never snuck in to see a guess.

No no, no no no no no no.

And we were we were never allowed to really be in there because it had to be kept nice for the guests, and it never really occurred to me one day I might be that and I still don't feel so put my bag in there and then stood in the corridor for the rest.

I don't want to be in there at all.

Yeah, this person pretty much my memories. You were here, You were in this building.

I was very much in this building. Yeah, I was. This was This was the reason I came to America, and I was here for eight years. Yeah.

Same, Yeah, that's why. That's why I was so happy you came home. Because we people don't know by looking at us, but we actually have very similar backgrounds because we both joined the show. I moved to America to do the show, just like you. And when I first joined the show, you know, the Daily Show Alumni Network is so strong. I asked to meet up with mister Oliver. Yeah, and I thought mister Oliver, and I think he was mister Alli. I was like, there's no way this guy's

There's nothing there's nothing I like more than talking to people who have questions about how to make field peace. Yeah, because it's the it's that it's such a narrow set of skills. Yes, and all you had, all of your questions were great. I was I remember you leaving and thinking, oh, you're going to be fine even though you don't have the answers yet, all your questions are right, So you're going to be fine.

You do have a problem, I will say before.

Before we make it too sincere, you do have that unique skill set of not minding being a dict to people that.

Really at the end of that is the secret source.

Well, that's that is the I mean, you know, you have to really not care to do satire sometimes, and everyone's like people, I don't even people know how much you don't give off. Yes, you truly don't give off hard in.

The marrow of my bones.

Sometimes when our lawyers say they're going to be upset. You go, I'm not having a physical reaction to that at all. Yes, it is no concern to me whether the Sackler family are mad with me. To be honest, I a little bit. It's a tingle of happiness.

Yeah, that's kind of what you need. It's definitely.

Yeah, you like the feeling that I like the feeling of trouble.

Yeah.

In comedy it's good because I'm probably a natural coward in many ways. But when it comes to comedy, I do like the feeling of being.

Yeah, you talked about you said pushing the button, said you just button, You just got to push it because I mean, you know. And And what was interesting was when I when I met with you this time much you don't give a fuck. You made me come to your office at eight am, first of all, which is which is extremely early for comedians.

Yeah, I mean, wait, god, it is true.

That's an amazing thing about doing Joe. When you get into comedy, it's not generally thinking that you will see a human beings breakfast time.

No, but yeah, that's why you came.

You came very early, look right, and early you showered at.

Yeah, and I came in I talked to you, and I have very specific questions and one thing you told me. I've been using this in my podcast rounds. I don't know if if it's come back to you, but like, uh, when you told me it took you two years to relearn how to do comedy in America.

I think that's probably true.

You want spot onto the day, By the way, I was in hindsight, I was sorry, oh my god, because I remember there was a day I was in New York City gigging at some comedy club and it was two years in literally almost to the day, and I remember things are trying to click a little bit of like relearning how to do comedy because again, like you, like me, we were doing comedy outside of America before we even came here.

Yeah, and so I think the outside the perspective in comedy always works. The thing with being an immigrant here is you kind of have to learn the exact ways that your outside the perspective can translate. So you kind of have to learn basically how that can work, and once it does, you're fine. But until that point, it does feel a little bit like on chart with waters.

Yeah, it's a bit like you know, you can come here and you can joke about America on a very surface level, and you can, you can, and that would do well for you, for you know, if you have a fifteen minute set, maybe thirty minute set. But I feel like after nine months or a year in America, the audience can kind of smell the bullshit of like of like you've been here long enough, right, Like guns

Yes, exactly, they appreciate exactly.

Don't tell us we have guns. We know we have guns.

That was something else we if we know nothing else about ourselves, is that we have guns to a genuinely problematic extas right, that is not a fresh insight we genuinely know, yes, exactly.

So you are like going deeper and deeper and deeper into it, which you know that that was my guiding light as well. We're not first time.

I'm so glad my incredibly insightful advoice of wait, twenty four months, it was like a job.

I still can't live it.

I just dig down. Didn't want to hear from you again for two years. That's all it works. Come back, come back to the same question in two years, and then we'll ta, yeah, it's more.

And I wonder, like, do you feel like satire in twenty twenty three? Is that you know, you've been at the show, You've seen the Daily Show kind of evolve over a lot of time. Then when you join the show, I don't There wasn't anyone else doing it kind of

And I think you're now attacking the entire population of TikTok truck.

Yeah.

No, I'm hosting for one day. Come at me, TikTok.

I was just trying. But it's monogram shirt. Did you having monogram shirts? Oh yeah, yeah, that's a very fancy shirt.

Oh yeah, yeah, this one is. I got this shirt made in New York City, Chinatown, and no he's a he's a legit tailor. And then he asked me if I wanted my Chinese name embroidered on it, and I was like, go for it. And then now it just looks like a mustard steak. Yeah, it doesn't look like my.

Son took a little bit like a muscles slim stea.

Yeah, did you guys get fancy suits when you know we got no suits?

We got I cannot we we were not given anything. I'd never under second this boomer coming on a daily show telling.

Us how good we have in You mean have a desk, we have cameras.

We have to go to go to a place to buy us and doing philipies. You wreck them all the time for years here we did. There's nothing that made ex correspondents more angry than hearing that we got free suits when we did and yeah, that was the thing that bothered them the most. It was no, no, you should have to go into the hole every year just to get a presentable suits.

Now look at you, you're spiffy.

Now did the show pay for that? Yeah?

Monographs, you get monographed shirts? Yeah, Well, you know, Comedy Central has changed. I know things are a little choppy here but monogram shirts.

No.

I told them they their monogram here, they're racist, And then they're just, oh, that's that's a move I can't make. Yeah, but like that's the thing, Like we're both in immigrants in America, and do you ever I guess my question to you is like, what how do you answer the people who are like, if you don't like it here, leave.

Yeah.

I get that a lot.

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a I mean, it's a horrible point, but it's a fair question. I guess now my answer would be I'm a citizen.

You can't do that. But I mean, the tricky thing is I felt ownership.

It's very dangerous a British person saying I felt ownership of this country historically.

Historically, that's not that well, it's amazing. I just went to India and I felt like I belonged.

But I felt at home here long before my legal status was solid. That's the tricky thing as nemigrant. But the more I felt at home here, the more cognizant you are of the fact that it's not up to you whether or not you get to stay or not. So it was a massive relief to get my green cards and an even bigger relief to get my citizenship. So yeah, despite the fact immigrants tend to talk shit, it's generally the kind of way that you talk ship

That's about I was back on that other point, like, do you feel as a place for satire, Like, basically the news is so crazy right now, reality is sometimes matching up to the news sometimes in that environment, do you feel that satire is still possible? Like, you know, when you're doing a joke ironically, do you feel like people can get it that you're trying to ironically be the bad guy in some you know?

Oh, you mean like if you're doing Phil because we used to play the bad guy in Phil piece, right, you would say you did not mean just to embody an argument that you do not agree with. I mean, get in Field pieces, that's the way that we would operate all the time in general. I mean our shows a little different, like we're not in the and.

That's your show, and asking about for me, but this show and you figured it out.

I'm talking about for me, Like I think there's I think there will always be a place for satire. I mean there was a place for in Germany in the thirties. It didn't seem to work out that well over there, but they.

Gave it a go.

Yeah.

Yeah, so no, I think I think there will always be.

And I'm like you, I'm happy for people online to try and do it as well. Ronnie really would like nobody to have a voice.

All about earning your voice like me I did. I had to get on this show to get a voice. You don't get a voice just in your underwear Instagram.

Ronnie regrets that gatekeepers have been removed from the process.

You really like the gates.

I love the gate Yet it was so tough to come here, you know, it was very tough for me to come here. I like you, I also really wanted to come here.

That is the thing.

I don't think Americans understand how rough the US immigration process is. When they say come to people, come in the right way. I don't think they realize how literally impossible that is. In some in some aspects when when I got my green card here they brought it to me in my office upstairs, and they gave me a Budweiser and an apple pie with a little American flag in it. And I think they would give it as if like here's a joke, right, Oh, you got it and you're always going to get it. Here it is,

It's not easy. Exactly. The top of the green card, even the visa before the green cards incredible. It's called it's called the extraordinary Ability visa. Yes, you have to prove the one that you have extraordinaribility, which I challenge anyone to do. Unlet's just freaking an NBA player someone foot. And then second boy, it's like if you don't constantly prove that you're they can deport you, like if I have a bad segment on the Daily Show that you do.

Not demonstrate extraordinaribility that was at median level of ability. That is the worst thing about coming in on the visa is like occasionally they will look at the visa and say, what do you do because they're expecting a surgeon. Yeah, someone with a marketable skill and the moment you say comedian like, that's this is not for you, that's not And also then if it's all go tell me something funny like or what is this a fun bitch? Or is this the moment I get deported?

Do I need a joke?

On handtop, it demonstrates extraordinary ability in terms of word craft. Yes, it's incredibly stressful in the way people don't understand.

Yeah, it's in a weird way. I'm with you in that, and that like immigrants to America who come here actually want to be here, have far to be here, and we're the ones who get shit done here because we had to improve it every single time.

That's right, that's right, we get the job done. Yeah.

I would say, what is more quintessentially American than coming to a country you don't belong in and deciding you're going to stay.

Thanksgiving of all times.

Yes, all right, so we get it. You you know you every interview I've researched you on, you've you've professional love for America. You're still here, clearly you still love it. Yeah, okay, So can you shut the fuck up and be American for one minute? Instill constantly complaining and talking like a foreign all the time. I mean, I challenge you.

How you challenge me to be American?

Yes? I want you to eat this hot dog right now, and then I want you to throw this football, and foot of all, you have to call it a football.

I can't do that. I go to an American football.

Okay, American, an American? You throw this to me. You gonna eat that first, And you throw this to me?

Okay like this, No, no, you gotta quick end. Okay, spot, we're gonna go over with it.

Okay, eat this first.

We got.

This is the way were.

You were saying you are say you are said, all right, and then you gotta come over here and you gotta sad right here, all right.

And you gotta throw a tight spiral?

How well can that be?

All right? Hey?

Okay, all right? Then we got a drum roll, drum roll for you for you ready, all right, you, alright?

This is last week tonight with John Oliver as wherever you'll find it. Who gives a fun, will take a let's how do you throw?

To take a quick break.

We'll be right back out the neck. Do you do it?

That's that show for tonight.

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