You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, it's officially the holiday season, a time for family togetherness and cocktails with eggs for some reason. But you better enjoy it while it lasts. Ronnie Chang tells us why in another installment of Everything Is Stupid. It's Christmas again. It's just another excuse for you people send me stupid pictures of your family. Oh great, another baby dressed as an elf. Wow. Thanks for the
reminder to get a vasecto me. But now, thanks to all these stupid world leaders not giving a ship about climate change, everything you love about Christmas is gonna disappear, starting with Christmas trees. This year, your Christmas tree couldn't wind up costing you more than you've spent in the past. At this farm outside Los Angeles, the average tree costs around a hundred bucks. Nationwide of fresh cut Christmas treat now averages seventy six dollars, double what it costs in
two thousand eight. Blame it on climate change. Rising temperatures, wildfires, and drought have all made farming more challenging. Yeah, that's right. Climate change is taken away Christmas trees. They're gonna be so expensive that the tree will be the present. How are you gonna trick kids into behaving that way? Listen, you better be good all year or you're not gonna get Douglas fur for Christmas. Why do people want Christmas trees in their house anyway? All they do is shed
pine needles all over the floor. If that's what you're into, just call me. I'll stab you in the foot for free. And it's not just trees that are going away. Climate change is gonna kill Santa's transportation too. In our Eye on Earth series will take you to Santa's hometown in the North Pole, where climate change is threatening the reindeer population. The reindeer feed even through the winter on lichen, a
mussy plant. They dig down through through the snow to get at except when all that thawing and refreezing means they can't. And when the snow turns to ice, what happens to the reindeer? We have to feed them. You know things are bad when your entire species depends on a guy in a weird hat. I mean, what if you always leaves one day? He'll be like, oh, sheet lay alarm didn't go off. Now I need to dig
a mass reindeer grave and this is a big problem. Okay, because without reindeer, how is Santa going to go around? He's gonna have to hitch hike around the world, trading rides for hand jobs. Okay, but guess what The climate crisis is coming for our New Year's drinks too. Another popular consumer item that's expected to get a lot more expensive prosecco. Climate change is doing a number on the grapes that make the sparkling line cowlow. Thomas Sellers says
extreme weather is posing new challenges. It is vineyard. Climate change is a big problem when it's still a very hole when he's raining a thing very much. Prosecco, he explained, should have low alcohol and high acidity, but high temperatures and earlier ripening produced the opposite effect. That's right. Thanks the climate change, prosecco is gonna cost more and taste worse. Although to be fair, if you can't about taste, you wouldn't be drinking prosecco. Okay, you peasants. Prosecco is the
champagne that dumped out of high school. Okay, you know what my holiday drink of choices, good old fashioned rubbing alcohol that's right. Sure, I'll make you go blind, but that's when the party really starts. So happy new everyone. Spoiler is gonna be worse, probably chang everyone. Watch The Daily Show weeknights and eleven Central Armed, Comedy Central in stream fool episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast up