Ronny Chieng Covers Biden's Executive Action on the Border | Marlon Wayans

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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central is America's only sort for new This is the Daily Joke with your host rodyh.

Welcome to Deabi Show.

I'm my Jack.

We got so much to talk about tonight.

North Korea is waging the world's dirtiest war, spelling Bee is a scam, and finally there's a place to see porn on the internet.

Did you know that?

Because I didn't.

But first, Joe Biden has decided to stop trying to win the elections. So let's get into our latest installment of Indecision.

Twenty twenty four.

Let's kick things off with the southern border. It's the line where America stops mowing his lawn, and border security is one of President Biden's biggest weaknesses. It's why he tried to make a border deal with Republicans earlier this year. It's also why Republicans refused to make a deal with him. They're like, how can we blame you for this if

President Biden taking major steps to stem the flow of migrants crossing the US border illegally with a sweeping new executive action.

Biden's new executive order will allow US immigration officials to deport migrants without processing their asylum claims when the number of illegal border crossing surpasses a specific threshold. Sources tell CBS News that number is likely twenty five hundred a day, which means it would likely be activated immediately. In May, border patrol recorded an average of thirty eight hundred crossings daily.

We must face the simple truth. To protect America as a land that welcomes immigrants, we must first secure the border and secure it now. And if the United States doesn't secure our border, there's no limit to the number of people may try to come here, because there's no better place in the planet than the United States of America.

Hey, I get it, dude, but if you don't want people to come, like, maybe stop saying how awesome in America is. It's the best you can't come, Like, start complementing Canada for ones.

You know, let them take some of that field.

Yeah, but that's right, boy, is shutting down the border and if you watch Fox News, you'll probably like, but I thought Biden wants migrants to flood the country so they can murder my whole family. Well guess what, there's already enough migrants now to murder your whole family. Okay, so Biden doesn't need you anymore. And if you watch MSNBC, you'll probably upset about what Biden is doing because some migrants do legitimately need asylum. But I gotta give liberals

Okay, but.

If you want to come to America, you gotta do it the right way, Okay, like I did smuggled inside Trevor Noah's colon. No, I'm just lo No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Obviously. I just told Ice that I'm Jackie Chance.

All right.

I understand the words that are coming out of your mind. But if you're really upself out this, don't worry like everything else Biden does, it'll probably get knocked down by the Supreme Court. So if America really wants to lock down the southern border, they should put ticket Master in charge of it.

Okay.

These guys are the best at making sure nobody can actually get into the thing they want to Okay, everyone will be waiting on the queue for three hours. Yeah, and then they find out that America has already sold out, and yes, that will be massive unexplained fees. But let's move on to the other candidate. Okay, because if Joe Biden's struggling in the polls, Donald Trump is already making

Some people think that one way to build trust is to declassify things. If you were president, would you declassify? You can answer yes or not of these. Would you declassify the nine to eleven files? Would you declassify JFK files? Would you declassify the Epstein files?

Yeah, yeah, I guess I would. I think that less.

So that was a bit suspicious, right, like ninety eleven Yes, JFK.

Yes, Epstein.

Man, Let's no, I mean, look at a panic in Trump's eyes. I've seen more relaxed people on the exit role of a Boeing flight. But and why though, like, why you're so weird with the Epstein stuff. It's not like Donald Trump has any particular reason to not want the Epstein files opened up. I mean, let's hear him out here is full answer.

I think that's less so because you know, you don't know if you don't want to affect people's lives, if it's phony stuff in there, because there's a lot of phony stuff with that whole world.

Okay, he's definitely in that file. He is in the Epstein files. He's already like, look, there's gonna be a lot of phony stuff in there, names, pictures, my DNA, you can't believe any of it. He's obviously not worried out protecting other people. I mean, this is the same guy who said Obama was born in Kenya and Ted Cruz's dad killed JFK. Okay, now, now all of a sudden, he's like, look, if you put some inaccurate information out there,

The buffet table at my alago.

All right, let's move on to tech news, because the greatest website in the world is about to get even better.

X the website formerly known as Twitter, is now embracing its new moniker in a way that we have not seen before, officially allowing X rated content on the site. As of today, users may share consentually produced and distributed adult nudity or sexual behavior. In other words, porn is now officially allowed on Twitter.

That's right.

Elon Musk is no longer the biggest ass on Twitter.

Now.

Obviously Twitter had porn on it before this, but nobody looked at it because it was against the rules. Okay, and now we can guilt free. Basically, instead of fixing the porn problem, Elon just decided it's not a problem anymore.

And I'm not hating.

That's how I handle issues in my life too. I mean, those aren't bed bugs that my new roommates. So Elons surrendered and porn will be everywhere now and honestly, like who cares? Like the way Twitter is now Bukaki video would elevate the discourse. But if you think about the company as a whole, Twitter's trajectory, like the story of it. It's pretty wild when you think about it, like as

South Korea is warning the public to watch out for objects falling from the sky after North Korea flew even more balloons with trash and filth over the border today, a.

Thousand of the airborne waste deliveries floating into the country since last Tuesday, littering places with things like cigarette butts, paper and pieces of cloth.

Look at this typical communist shit.

All right, hey, North Korea, you don't stick trash in a balloon and floated over to your enemy. Okay, how about you joined the free world and put your trash in the ocean way belongs.

It does show you how clean.

South Korea is, though, because if Kim Joan flew trash into New York City, no one would even notice.

Okay, this.

Trash would land on trash that was already there, and we'd be like, oh great, the neighborhood garbage hall has a fancy balloon.

Now.

Now, obviously everyone is pissed at North Korea for doing this, but to be fair, the South started it.

Groups in South Korea and the South Korean government for years now have sent flash drives and deliveries via balloons with K dramas with K pop music attached to flash drives and sent them to North Korea as an example of like, hey, this is what life is like outside of North Korea. North Korea is now saying this is filth to us, so we're gonna send you filth back.

Wow.

South Korea is really getting the short end of a stick here. I mean, they got the best music and the best TV shows and they're sending it to North Korea in exchange for garbage.

I mean that's a terrible deal.

At least demand something North Korea is good at, like those videos where kids dance in perfect synchronizations so the parents don't get killed.

But more on the trash fight. We go live to South Korea.

We've senior Asia correspondent Desi light Ahzidzie.

What's the situation over there?

It's intense, Ronnie. No one knows when this track barrage will stop. Just moments ago, this landed mere inches from me.

Look at this? Look at this, a half feet in hot dog? Disgusting. I mean, who doesn't finish their hot dog?

Desie, Come on, you're supposed to be doing serious reporting here.

That's gross.

You're gross, Ronnie.

Look as a journalist, it's my job to report on these important.

International conflicts.

Oh my god, that was like a direct hit.

Oh I'm fine. As a seasoned war correspondent, I am prepared. I am prepared for anything.

Are you sure, you ol kid? Because it looks like it's getting dangerous.

Ronnie, what are you talking about? This is great.

Kim Jong un is a nuclear armed madman, but now he's just tossing trash over the fence like some weird neighbor you write about on next Door. This is the best case scenario. In fact, this is the way every war should be fought. Usually frontlines are barren mud zones. But this just looks like a divorced dad's apartment.

Okay, okay, okay, But isn't this at least bad for the environment.

Isn't this bad for the in there? No? No, you know it's bad for the environment.

Nuclear war, Okay, a trash war is much better. The closest thing I've seen to a biohazard here is a double loaded diaper. But it's much easier for America to support its allies in.

A trash war. We don't have any money left, but.

You know what, we do have a lot of garbage. We got everything, We got food, waste, plastics.

All the artwork my kid makes in school. It's endless.

I mean, do you know how many Amazon boxes I throw out every day? If trash is weapons, I'm basically raytheon.

Oh okay, okay, well, I guess a trash war sounds pretty good.

Then, I mean, well, it's like a little irritating because you have to step in coffee grounds and old yogurt.

But still it is way better. Okay, you know what done? Damn it?

All right, we'll talk later. I have to go fill a diaper. So I can return fire.

Good Daisy lighting.

Everybody be safe, let me come back.

We find out what the spelling bee is really about.

But don't go away.

Welcome back to the Daily Show.

Last week was the big National Spelling Bee and spoiler Lot and Indian Kid won. But what if the spelling Bee isn't what it seems. That's the subject of a new installment of Project Conspiracy.

Conspiracies or are they nowhere?

Or is that exactly what they want.

You to think?

So that's where my wallet is.

Well for every day there's a me.

I'm Kevin Matthew kelp Follow me as I pull back the curtain to find the truth behind the curtain.

This is Project Conspiracy.

Spies.

They're everywhere. He's a spy, She's a spy.

That guy pretending to have a heart attack.

Obvious spy.

But where do these spies come from?

And how were they recruited?

What if I were to tell you there was a one hundred year old nationwide program that's been scouting potential spies for you guessed it, one hundred years.

Spelling bees.

Spelling bees are the perfect cover for finding the next generation of America's spooks. They're super smart, They stay cool under pressure, and they lack any social attachments because they're nerds. But most importantly, they can memorize impossibly long sequence of secret codes.

E R POINT K.

S A M M P.

H I L E.

Some of these aren't even letters.

What does it mean?

C I A, FBI N S A.

What do they all have in common?

You can't say their names without spelling them coincidence?

Please? Or should I say P L.

E E Z E?

This conspiracy is just too vast unravel. The Feds, the schools, Miriam Webster word, they're all in on it together. Know just where to find the time to see one of these recruiting events in action. Hi there, hello, one ticket to the spelling bee?

Please?

Whose parrot are you?

Oh?

No, I'm just here to check out the children.

Okay, not wrong, I'm here to expose these children.

Security.

Get back here, pervert.

Well, the thing I'm horny four is the truth.

Clearly the deep state isn't going to let me get too close. It's time to go undercover.

Ye know, this whole spelling bee thing is a ruse. Right, nobody needs to know how to spell anymore.

We've got autocorrect.

Our next spellar is Kevin Matthew calthlan Ship Specter, go down.

Your word is oxygen?

Oxygen?

Oh see.

What?

No, obviously I lost on purpose, so I can make it here to the comfort couch.

The comfort couch is supposedly where kids recover from their public humiliation, but through my investigation, I realized this was where Intel operatives made their move, swooping into recruit.

Kids at their most vulnerable moment. All I had to do was way.

Sad kid over here crying all alone, wishing somebody would comfort me with a new identity and a mission in North Korea.

Really nobody?

Oh excuse me, late, what the fuck lady?

How do you do it? How do you do it?

I wasn't able to infiltrate this conspiracy, but clearly spelling bees are a bunch of spelling b s. So I've decided to take matters into my own hands. Good luck spelling anything now that I've bought every single dictionary on the internet.

Oh shit, lesson pe seven.

When we come back, Marlon Wayn will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.

Welcome back to the Dammy Show.

My guest tonight is an actor and comedian who said our special is called good Grief. Please welcome Marlon Wayans.

He you, thank you. The people love you, they do. You know, I'm a little jealous of you right now. I want to rob you up that seat.

Right with me.

You are in the seat I know, and I know how it feels.

And I miss me being over there and asking some idiots some.

Questions over here. No, this is not There's so much power in yourself.

The power of the name of here is completely Yeah, there's a big celebrity over here, and I'm just just you know, humble daily show host who has been watching your family since I was a kid in Malaysia.

In Malaysia, Yeah.

In Malaysia.

Yeah, somebody wants some money.

That's that we is only love for.

Yeah.

You know, I always uh have to conscidantly really hot to say Wayan's because in Malay whyanand brother, no, it means neple bit No, it means uh, it means.

No.

No, it means performance, it means performance. I go Wayn's.

Wayn's is not not because it's just a language. That's why you need to have, you know, friends of every culture, because you never know what your name means.

It's true.

I went to Bali and I found out that and Wayne, it was all over the place. Yeah Wayne, And I was just like, I don't know how my name came about, but Wayne means older brother. So and then my grandma, I think she got high and our last name was Wayne, w A and E. I think she smoked some weeds. Like I like Wayan it's better.

Yeah, but speaking sticking out family.

But this new special I watched, it's super funny, very touching, very very emotional. Someone would say, I don't know if you I don't spoil anything, but the opening to it already kind of gets you Wayne, because I don't know if how much I can.

I don't want to tell amaz.

So watch It's no it's.

On today.

And it's called Good I don't think they're gonna bootlegg it.

It's on that.

It's it's about it's called Good Grief, and it's about grief and in it you you it's I should clarify, it's super funny, but you talk about you dealing with the death of a lot of people, and uh what What really kind of drew me in right from the first second was the opening sequence you kind of play these voicemails.

Yeah, my parents and me walking down the street, and I'm walking through all the places that I grew up around New York and where they grew up in Harlem, and you know, all because I it was I want the audience to kind of know, get an introduction and an investment into the people, into the voices of my mom and my dad and what kind of what I experienced with them. So it's not just like I wonder how they were.

You get a little slice of it.

Right, And did you were you worried that that'd be too much of a bummer.

No, then I knew I had to follow myself. Then then, you know, you got to be really funny so that I like the added pressure, you know what I mean, it'd be sad if I couldn't overcome it.

Comedy wasn't hot enough. You got to stock the deck against yourself with the should have stopped at the beginning.

No, it's very touching because I'm not sure if it's clear, but you know, your parents passed away. Now you play the voicemail, and I think people who have had parents pass away, they as soon as you play it, you know it's already Oh man, like it really just but that's really get.

You in the mood for laughing and comedy.

Dead parents void last words to your son, and they're all touching. I'm like, I'm already there, like, oh my god, this is the funniest thing I've.

Ever seen in my life. I was just like, clean, it's not true. That's when you know it's funny. When you could take something that's not supposed to be something funny, something that is painful, something that look at our news, look with the daily shows every day, you take some thing that is tragic politics, and you completely it was funny about it.

That's very Yeah, that's a very noble pursuit.

And yeah, because I'm I'm a I'm an aspiring comic myself, and I just wonder, I just wondered, like when you do comedy specials, you know, you've you've been in this industry for so long now, you know you've seen so many. You know, you've got decades, if not centuries on me in life, and and you know, and you're just so old, even if you don't look at that, but you've seen so many. You know, you've seen streaming services, you've seen cable TV, you've seen specials.

Seen cell phones, You've.

Seen when they had to do the shadow.

I'm so tad you young bitches O.

You got his years on me, but like you've seen some of my specials, and I guess, like my question is like when you if a young comic was coming to you asking you about comedy specials, is there something you would tell them what not to do with a comedy special?

You know how don't A, don't rush b.

Wait until you have like enough time under your belt that you understand your point of view. It's only special. I think when you start digging into pain and it's okay to drop one or two, but then three, four, five, and six and you as you go down the road, I think it's more important. Not because comedians want to talk about the world. They want to talk about sports, they want to talk about pop culture, they want to

Yeah, no's That's that's why it's one it's almost like you you you get to a place of comedy that you get so good at comedy you can talk about pain now instead of just trying to.

Because it's more therapy, right, It's deeper than just a bunch of jokes.

It's easy to tell your for.

Like sixty minutes, but it's hard to have a sixty minute therapy session that hasn't alixor for the audience to come away and go, wow, that really helped my life. It's one thing to change their mood, that's what we do in comedy. But if you give them a little nugget that helps change their life and you know, help them stay out of two hundred and fifty dollars therapy sessions like I did.

Yeah, then then you did something all right?

And I mean in your special you you kind of joke about celebrities, and we you know, I also joke about celebrities. But I think the difference between you and me is that you're famous enough to actually know these people. So when you kind of basically I don't want to butcher the joke, but when you when you talk about shack and you're sitting on shack, you got to go to this guy's birthday party afterwards.

Yeah, I may skip that, but here I only talk about people that either I know I could be like Kevin Hart, Oh.

That's a next special go out.

Him, or people that I know can't catch me.

Check his knees is bad. He can barely catch Chewns Barkley.

He don't want none of this.

Okay, I'm staying out of this clip.

This is.

And And you know, I was saying earlier that I've been watching your family kind of on TV in Malaysia for so long. Now he's on It's such an entertainment family. And one of my good friends were with JUNR. He speaks very highly of you, and he always said, yeah, and your family is so sprawling and there's a lot of people in entertainment. And Roy would tell me, like, you don't understand how the Wayam's role.

They don't.

They don't go neipple, baby, they go. You gotta prove it yourself.

You've got a lot of work. Yeah.

So, I mean the amount of work that Keenan and put me and Sean and Damon put me and Sean through was crazy, because you can't just show up like I'm a wayAnd no, you show up and you're going to be people gonna have these high expectations of you. So now we had to go through this rigorous training before we did Don't Be a Minutes hou Forest movie. My brother Keingan made us write twenty six drafts of the movie before we even started filming, and we didn't

Go, Okay, what movie you're gonna write now?

We was like, what, we have no more to do? And he was like, he made us go through it. And because we went through those twenty six drafts, we were prepared to write that whole next draft that became Don't Be a Minist. So everything is training because you don't want to fail and when you get these opportunities, because if you fail, it's gonna take so long to get back here, So we make sure before we send you out there that you're preparing.

So how do I join this family?

Because this sounds like Korean boy dad training groups where he got people and wherever trained to be weigh ins that like all loaded.

Up already, like you should be doing MASI something.

I like the Korean boy band.

The Korean boy bands, they trained super hard. Well okay, well I'm happy you.

Want to do comic. You just just joined the Korean boy band.

And ship right there.

That's that's it, dude. Those guys are literally like they trained like the military. Really. Yeah, the Korean boy bands, they trained like you can't. You know, they got to keep the body shape. They got to every day they're practicing, and then.

Maybe maybe there are wings.

Yeah.

Well, you know, I'm very happy to be the first Asian person you've ever spoken to.

So it's uh uh, it's a real for me. Thank you for giving me your time. Yeah, I really appreciate it.

But legend, man, I have a tour I'm dropping. I'm going on tour in September. New tour, Newman's It's called Skittles. Uh tickens June fourteenth on my website, uh vallin Wayne's official and uh good Grief on Amazon right now, yeah, everybody.

As everybody, We're gonna take a quick break.

We'll be right back after death. That's all show for tonight. Now here it is your moment.

Of then and if the guy you're supporting for president has fellowing convictions that prevent him from going to Erman Tina, Cambodia, Canada, Chile, China, Cuba, Dominican Republic, Egypt. Eat the My Motion takes Presidentesia, i'm iran in Ireland and Israel, Japan, Macau, Malaysia.

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