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From the most trusted journalists. At Comedy Central, It's America's only source for news. This is the Daily Joke with your hosts. Frondy, Welcome to the Daily Show.
I'm right, Chan, we got so much to talk about tonight. Elon is sliding into your DNS annual wombs. RFK Junior is on the asshole spectrum and I watched golf, so you don't have to. You're welcome. But fus, let's check in with the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing, Why not a bunch of Let's start with Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Seen here greeting a supporter. So always good to meet a fan. But RFK is known for his controversial health ideas like drinking
raw milk and adding roadkill to the food pyramid. But the conspiracy theory that he's most known for is that vaccines cause autism. He's basically a health expert, the same way Katy Perry is a rocket scientist.
You never know how much love is inside of you, how loved you are, until the day you launch.
I have a teenage dream that she shut the fuck up. So unsurprisingly, RFK Junior brought his anti vax policies to the administration, and yesterday he gave a speech about autism and people are pissed.
Comments from Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. That are raising eyebrows. During his first news conference as the nation's top health officially addressed rising autism rates while calling the disease preventable. RFK Junior's bleak description of people living with autism causing outrage.
Autism destroys families. These are kids who will never pay taxes.
Wait that that's what you're gonna meet with like that, that's the big tragedy for you. These poor kids will never know the joy of attaxing our schedule. K to our ten forty eight It's not even accurate. I mean, autistic people do pay taxes. Are you thinking of art history majors? But I mean, please give us more of your expert opinions about what autistic people can and can't do.
They'll never hold a job, I'll never play bas they'll never write a poem. I'll never go out on a date.
What do you mean they don't date? I mean, does the candy compound not have Netflix, Okay, because David took Abby on a fucking safari to Africa, And yeah, I could kanna be a little more open minded about dating blondes, sure, but couldn't we all? I mean, everything this guy said is ridiculous. Autistic kids will never write poems. Well, who wants kids to write more poems? That's something we should be prevented. So there's no wonder why people are pissed
at him. Most autistic people can do all that stuff, and even the ones who can are still human beings who even made RFK the judge of what makes life worth living. I'm sorry they'll never know the joy of planting bear caucuses in Central Park or holding eighty five percent of the words mucus in their throats. But whatever, this is a huge project he's taking on. I mean, what lem spend the next two decades trying to figure it out?
By September, we will know what has caused you epidemic, and we'll be able to eliminate those exposures.
So you think you're gonna have a pretty good idea, huh, we will not buy a September By September. Wow, I was quick and very specific. I mean, I ordered a couch that isn't going to come by that, But good to know. When I'm watching the Wicked sequel this fall, I can focus on the plot instead of wondering what causes autism? I mean, why are you even pretending to study it? We all know you're gonna blame vaccines. Okay, this whole thing is more rigged than a golf championship
at MA Lago. I mean, just look at who we hired to do the research.
Kennedy has tapped it, previously discredited vaccine skeptic David Geier as a senior data analyst.
Geyer was previously fined ten thousand dollars by the Maryland Board of Physicians for practicing medicine without a license.
You know, when commercial will say nine doctors agreed, this is the tenth doctor. I mean, this guy looks like the reason second opinions were invented. But enough of our RFK. Let's move on to Elon Musk, living proof that autistic people can do anything, including including destroy the government, and as far as his dating life goes, Elon isn't lacking there either.
According to The Wall Street Journal, Elon Musk followed cryptocurrency influencer Tiffany Fong on x and began liking and replying to her tweets. Around November of last year, Musk sent her a direct message asking if she was interested in having his child. According to people familiar with the matter, the two had never met in person.
Elon, can you just be a normal person and send a dig pic? All right? This is why you should switch the settings on your DMS to follow us who don't want to impregnate me? Only, I mean, you haven't met this person. You're already trying to raw doja, Like I have to walk up the courage to put the moves on my own wife, all right, Like, hey, if you're not doing anything later, maybe you could lie, like
I don't know, like kiss or whatever. Now, never mind is stupid, but let's not think about Elon spum and get back to actual government stuff, specifically the Pentagon, where Pete Hegseth Defense Secretary and guy whose tattoos are somehow embarrassed by him just scored another victory in his war on thinking.
The Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs has been ordered to purge its library of books related to diversity equity and inclusion, along with some topics related to race and gender. The Naval Academy Library tossed out nearly four hundred books, including titles on feminism, civil rights history, and the Holocaust. Speaking of at the Naval Academy, Hitler's Mind comp made the cut and is still available to read.
That's where you.
Draw the line, like, yeah, I don't want one of those woke social justice books. I'm looking for more of a beach read. Do you have mine camps. This type of censorship is outrageous and un American, and this has got to be the most disgusting thing Pete Hegseth has ever done.
If peg Seth would have a bagel with cream cheese, he would drop it with land upside down, the cream cheese on the floor and he would pick it up.
I'm like, wait, is there any hair on their collar?
No?
It was so gross and he would just pop it into his mouth.
Okay, well, I think we just found the cause of autism. This this, this is the worst thing I've ever heard us Defense secretary do. And I'm including Vietnam. I know he's caught in everything bagel, but you're supposed to draw a line somewhere. Okay, Anyway, this whole Antida I think is gallic control. They're pulling books about minorities, our schools, scrubbing stories about women and gay people from websites. And Disney came and put out a new Snow White without
people trying to port her. And that's just the beginning. To take advantage of the shift in the culture war, the White House has just launched its own streaming service.
Hey, movie fans, do you wish your favorite films had less? DEI introducing the White Tyrian Collection, a new home video service from the Trump administration. Get ready for twelve years old?
What have you? Marvel's Panther and really Hidden.
Figures Just They're behind the arm Worm and Broke Back Mountain, the inspiring story of two Wyoming cowboys who heard it cattle and nothing else. And Hey sports fans, we have got all your favorite films from the Gridiron and the Court like white Men can Jump the best remember that One Titan and Cool Runnings, the inspiring true story of an Olympic bob sled with no one in it. And of course, who can forget Disney's and Conto you can
it doesn't exist anymore. Get your favorite Trump approof movies with the white you're in collection today and act now because watching the originals will soon be considered domestic terrorism.
When we come back, we'll find about sports that don't go away.
Welcome back to a daily show. I think I speak to everyone when I say politics, drools, and sports rules. For full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to Sports War.
You're ready for better.
It's time for brought to Bamble.
To set the stop market. What's up, Bolax.
I'm Bronnie Shann and I'm Michael Costa. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with the each other. For example, if I say UFC needs to be more violent.
Oh well, then I say fighters need to sell a differences peacefully with a licensed therapist.
Yeah well, I'd like to introduce you to my two therapists, Sigmund Freud and Carl Young.
Oh yeah, well, I should go to therapy. Here's how I'm obsessed with your mom?
Yeah yeah, man, exactly, you need to explore those feelings with a licensed medical profession I'll send you some names.
Hey, let's talk golf.
Okay, short game, amateur, handicap, ball washer.
These aren't just Ronnie's nicknames.
They're golf terms, and this week was a historic one on the links.
Tonight, Rory McElroy is now one of only six golfers to win all four major golf championships, winning the Masters for the first time.
The kid who grew up in Northern Ireland overcome with emotion winning his first Green jacket eleven years after winning his last major championship.
Wow, congrats to Roy McElroy.
It took him eleven years to get an green blazer, and as someone currently serving a twenty year band from the men's warehouse, I can totally relate.
This is totally different, you idiot. Rory was trying to accomplish one of the hottest things in all the sports. You just took a dump in a fitting room.
Well, but they guaranteed I was gonna like the way I looked, and breaking a verbal contract has consequences.
The point is I'm happy for Roy McElroy.
Oh yeah, well I'm not. Okay. I don't want to seem happy. Everyone knows that Irish people had the best when the depressed. Haven't you ever read James Joyce.
Hell, no, I'm a Frank McCort man.
Well he's Irish American dumb ass.
Check your stats.
Bro McCourt was raised in the slums of Limerick, and he spoke to the soul of Irish suffering like no man sins. William Butler yeats dumbass, which brings to our eyes Irish eyes. Bet of the Night, What will make Roy McElroy cry in public?
Next?
As always brought to you by gambling. Gambling.
The only thing you're really addicted to is having a good time.
And moving on the NBA Playoffs Stots Saturday. But if you're a little girl with a big imagination like Costa, you also have a reason to be excited. Move over.
Ken Lebron James is a first male athlete to be part of the new Kenbassador line of Barbie dolls.
Look at Him.
The message on the back of the box says, a true MVP our Lebron James Ken Ambassador's doll represents resilience, hope and pride for the city of Akron.
This is the dumbest toy ever. I hope it comes with a Bronny James doll that you're forced to play with even though it sucks wrong.
Wrong again, boy Toy, I happen to love Lebarbie. He has every he has what every little girl wants in a doll pride for the city of Akron. Now they can play until their heart's content with a middle aged man dressed like a fourteen year old. No notes, they should expand this to other NBA legends like Dennis Rodman, the Worm, the first in Barbie history with a pierceable scrotum, or my favorite, my favorite from the childhood Wilt Chamberlain.
There are hundreds of different Barbies and he can have sex with all.
Of them, which brings us to extremely random endorsement deal Bet of the Week presented by Joanne Fabrics. Which athlete will sign the next extremely random endorsement deal brought to you by Gambling Gambling doing amazing things with wheelchairs.
Now, look, let's go to the diamond.
Baseball's a sport where you have to know your signs right, curveball, pitching change. I'll take four beers, no tip, But this week Bryce Harper took that to the next level. Philadelphia Philly slugger Bryce Harper is about to take another swing at fatherhood, and.
He got creative with the babies.
Baby's gender reveal during last night's game.
Harper ashwort stop Trey Turner to hand him either a blue or a pink bat before he went up to head as a gender reveal. He found out right before I stepped up to the plate.
He'll be having a baby.
Boy.
This is awesome.
Baseball needs more medical tests revealed during games. I want to see a runner slide into home and the Empire yells you are safe from Tay Sachs disease.
Pasta, you're out of your mind, all right, this is ruining the game. You can't be doing gender reveals at the plate. Gender reveals are supposed to be for a close group of loved ones that you're hoping to injure with explosives.
Ronnie, I got your agenda revealed bat right here.
Surprise it's brown.
Since you're a piece of shit, well, Pasta.
For those of us who've had sex, this is a disaster, all right. Baseball is the thing you think about when you're not trying to get someone pregnant. Get your family planning out of my sports. Okay, can we please see a baseball story that has nothing to do with sex?
The Baltimore Orioles double, a affiliate to Chesapeake Basucks, to unveil alternative team identity to help them gain traction with new audiences. That included the new alternative name, the Oyster Catchers, along with a brand new logo. This logo, which at least to many, seems to depict a baseball glove catching
an oyster, others interpreted a bit differently. The team took the criticisms to hearts, deleting their own announcement within minutes, but later they unveiled a new new logo showing a bird holding of bats.
God damn it, I'm never going to be able to slop an oyster a baseball glove ever again. And that's the only way I like them.
What are you talking about, Ronnie? The oyster logo is great. If anything, the new logo is the one that's perverted. That bird is clearly flying away with some guys severed penis, and you know what, that poor guy, but those lucky baby birds, what a lunch.
This whole thing just confirms my belief that baseball team should get rid of logos entirely. Okay, if they're not sexualizing oysters, they're pissing off Native Americans. Every team should just name themselves after the city, like a Philadelphia Phillies, the Boston bostonese, the Cleveland Cleveland's, the Detroit Detroit Titties. Nothing sexual.
Okay, I disagree, ron All team names should be sexual, but educational sex ed in this country is a joke. But if the Philadelphia Philippian Tubes play the Cleveland Steamers, well, now we're learning. Which brings us to our four caret Diamond bet of the week. What baseball mascot will Ronnie have.
A wet dream about? Tonight?
Brought to you by gambling gambling tons of cultures sleep outside.
All right, that's it for sports war.
Join us next time when we debate what act of war Jean morant Well should mine for his next celebration.
It's gotta be hitting a nuclear button. Man, you gotta hit that button. Welcome back to the Daily Show. Hey, my guest tonight is a trailblazing Hollywood icon who has written a new book called the World of Nancy Kwan, a memoir by Hollywood's Asian superstar. Please give a very big welcome to the one and only legendary Nancy Quad. Thanks for coming, Thanks for coming. That's a quad.
Thank you.
Yeah, thanks for coming on the show. Everyone. Yeah, it's the Hollywood legend.
Are you doing, I'm doing five? How are you doing?
I'm okay, I'm okay. Yeah. So you were born in Hong Kong. Yes, So what's it? Hi? What's scaring the white people?
Now?
We probably uh, Malaysia. Yeah, yeah, we we We were discussing how great it is to be in the west and uh yeah, she So you started in Hong Kong, born in Hong Kong, you moved them from there. That's kind of where you started acting. And you didn't even you didn't even start at one India.
Now.
No, I wanted to be a ballet dancer. I was going to the Royal Ballet, very serious about being a ballet dancer. I was back in Hong Kong for summer holidays and they were testing making screen tests for some of my favorite Chinese actresses for the World of Susi Wong in Hong Kong. So I went up to the studio to watch my favorite actress at work. And I was standing there and some somebody says to me, you want to do a screen test? I said, no, I'm a I'm a I'm a ballet answer. I'm nothing to
do with it. I'm just here watching my favorite actresses. He said, why don't you do a screen test? So, well, what's that? So just sit in the chair. So I said, okay. So I sat in the chair and he asked me questions how old I am? And every time he asked me something, I burst out laughing like an idiot. I mean I laughed whole way through. And then when I got home, I said to my father I don't know, but this guy wanted to be a screen test and I just skilled all the way. He said, well, I'll
never mind, you're a ballet answer, forget it. A few weeks later, I get it. My father gets a letter from Ray Starck, the producer of the World of.
Story, you know, one of those like a piece of paper, yes, yes, and a contract.
They said, well, you go like to go to Hollywood for six months and I even get paid for it. I said, I've also been a student, so I've never been paid. I said, oh, I would love it. I would love it. I've never been to America. And that's how I started, right.
And so that was in Hong Kong. You went to go see your favorite actress and then you end up replacing her on the movie.
Well, no, that was much later.
I don't.
Well, that's that's how I got this job. I was okay, but standing around as a bathlet and like you know, yeah, and then that was your first time in America, right, And then you started doing movies in America.
Well, first time I came to the sixties where so the studio system, yes, was just phasing out.
Right, So this was this was Hollywood in the sixties in America, yes, right, And what kind of drugs were they doing back then?
What were you doing?
What was I doing? Oh, I don't do don't do drugs.
And I don't do drugs.
Okay, good, okay, cool, tell me in Cantonese what drugs? Okay? So this is this is a sixties. This is like Golden Age, you know, once upon a time in Hollywood, like that period of movies, and you were there right in the middle of it.
It was yeah, no, the studio system was phasing out and independent films were coming in. Really that was an exciting, very exciting time, okay.
And sounds like sounds like what's happening right now too. But I guess history repeats. But so yeah, okay, yes, that's repeat the studio systems staying out and then.
And independent films are coming in and so I mean I was just caught in that. But Race Start had me under contract, so I did quite a few films, you know, for seven years actually, yes, under contract and different films. And at that time, you know, with Asian actors. Before then, Asian actors did not get the good roles, really the roles.
That could I guess history career. I guess history really does repeat itself, because that's still the case.
So we are no, no, no, no, it's much better now, it's getting better. And hopefully to my agent, man, all right, I will and this and these.
You are mixing with kind of Hollywood icons.
At this time, right, that's why, that's why.
I think you will hang of Dean Martin.
Yes, and mister gn Ford, I worked with quite a few of them. Mister Bruce Lee, of course, my good friend, your friend, mister Bruce also came from Hong Kong. And Bruce went to LaSalle, which is a Catholic school, and I went to Marinor which is kind of a Catholic school, a convent. But Bruce used to hang around manor just to look at the girls.
Okay, maybe we shouldn't be talking about that power.
Of char King of Hong Kong at one time. Bruce he was king.
Oh yes he was, and yeah, yeah, what was he like? Was he a cool guy?
Very cool, very nice, good friend. And he was the one who told me, he said, actually I worked with him on the Wrecking Crew with Dean Martin and Sharon Tate and we had Sharon Tate and I had a fight scene Marshall Arts. So Bruce was calling to show us what to do. And that's how I met him. And when I got to know him, Bruce said to me, you know, Nancy, I'm going back to Hong Kong to become a big martial arts star. That's what I'm going
to do. And I believed him. Yeah, I mean, he was so determined and he had such energy and conviction that he was the best. And he was and he introduced martial arts, you know, and so.
He wanted to go back because of a lack of opportunities in America time. But did you also feel that way?
Well, I was in the contract, so I was lucky. I was One time Ray Stock put me in a film where I played an English girl with English parents. So all the actors in England were completing and said what what what what is this Chinese girl or the Asian playing an English girl? And I did. The film got reviews, good reveals.
Yeah, do you remember what film?
It was, The Wild Affairs.
This is this is why I was so excited to have you on, because you're one of the rare persons in Hollywood and in the world who actually has this perspective on Hollywood, because you've been there for quite a while now and you've seen many different errors.
A long while, yeah, a long while.
And you've seen you know, I guess you did you have you recognized any patents appearing in terms.
Of the business.
I know with Asian actors, and I have a lot of good Asian friends who are actors, very good actors that never got a chance to really show their talent.
And I'm trying my best, all right.
Keep trying, keep trying.
Okay, she meant that.
That's a nice thing, you guys. You guys read it like she was talking shit. She was saying, keep going. It was it was encouraging, Okay, anyway, but what the patterns are because Okay, here's the thing, like I think, I think, like we're all in twenty twenty five? Now, is it twenty twenty five? Benny?
No?
No, no, twenty five?
Okay, okay, But whatever year we're in, why in a period where we keep thinking of the past, we kind of romanticize the past in terms of films, you know, we're like, oh, you know, this era of films kind of sucks. The nineties was when the peak of Hollywood, you know, and then we go back to the eighties was when things were cool, and we keep thinking that way. I mean, you are one of the few people actually live through it all. Is it true that we live
in the worst era right now? Is it? Has it always been the case that we always look back with roast tinder glasses?
I think you're right both both so we suck.
And we also don't suck.
Yes, that's right, exactly right?
Yes, So what sucks about? Now?
Have you seen the films?
Yeah?
I mean have I have? I seen them? I mean some of them? So, but what do you mean? I don't you don't want to talk about anyone, but like, what is like, what do you think is your main problem? Right? Now, if you have to say, in general.
Think its main problem. I think audience have changed, you know, the thought I mean in the old days. Okay, I mean my days in the sixties.
It's me.
No, it's a comedy show. You got uma, we got the No.
I mean my favorite director is David Lean, who did great films Bridged on the River, Kwai, Lawns of Arabia. They don't do that kind of films anymore, they really, yeah, And I wish they would come back to that, and maybe they will, because everything goes around. That's life, isn't it.
Sure the cylindrical but but is that I don't put on spot but like, do you think there's a reason you could point to why that's the case that they don't make it like that anymore.
No, it's not a reason. I think it's just a phase. Maybe one day we'll go back to it.
But now it's just or what do we need to do to get back to that? Do we need people put on their phones? Or what is it?
What? What?
What do you finish?
I knew, okay, they're trying their best films and films are not I mean, television is taken over and you know, people don't go to movies in a movie house anymore. They don't, you know, So that's another reason.
It's their problem. That's them, that's a that's a them problem. But okay, and then you said, you said, that's kind of like the problem, like you said, that's why we're not good? Why are we? Why are we in a good error?
Then?
Because yeah, because you said, you know what, currently, it's both what era we were in an era that's bad and it's also good.
I think it was. I mean, it was this two show pass and how do you know, maybe it's some great directors producers will come up with some great ideas and we'll start again another kind on another level.
Okay, Well, let me put it this way then, because we romanticize the past. What sucked about the past, So let's get let's get on the record. You know that what was bad about it? What was bad about the era that you were coming through? You know what did you not like about it?
Film?
I don't think it was bad.
Okay, it's perfect?
Okay, great, Yeah, No, it wasn't perfect. Okay, but I thought they did very interesting films during my time anyway, and I got a chance to play none Asian roles. I mean I played an American Indian in the Western, you know, and I paid the English girls, I said, or a circus performer with no nationality. So at least I had a chance to do that. Unfortunately, for Asian actors, they're not there yet. You know, I wish you would.
We would have more Asian directors, writers produce us is writing for Asians, making films for Asians with great roles for them to play. There's so many talented Asian actors out there.
Yeah, yeah, for sure, my little time. Yeah yeah, and sorry I cut you off a little bit. You're kind of explaining the studio system was ending and when you were, so what does that mean?
Like what they didn't Actors were no longer under contract, they were, you know, getting their agents together, being handled by lawyers, making their own deals. So it was a whole big change in that time. And I don't know it's good for bad, but I think it's just another phase in life that we go through and hope, you know, maybe maybe things will come back again, better, better movies, more interesting movies.
So the last thing I want to ask you was like, you're kind of you were born and raised in the East and you've been working and living in the West for a while now, much like myself. And do you do you have any do you have any comment on this current kind of civilizational clash between the East and West right now? Is there? Like? What is your perspective on this thing?
I think there will always be political clashes. That's what makes the world interesting.
And okay, well then we are in a very interesting period there because ship is going.
Down right now, and you know, you never know what comes up.
So oh okay, so that's you're saying there's a civil lining to this end of civilization.
I didn't say it was the end of civilization or silver lining. I just think it's going through changes.
Okay, like life.
Okay, you're going through changes, aren't you.
I am? Yes, I am, I'm what kind of I think my voice is breaking out? All right? So what are you smoking?
And what kind of drugs?
Yeah?
I'll tell you in Cantonese after yeah, goment, So what is your pospon on this East West thing?
Like?
As is anything can speak to anything that the America continues to misunderstand about the East or vice versa.
You know, I think it will always be so I mean, I really even the like you talk about it East. You know, you come from Malaysia. I come from Hong Kong, and there's Thailand, and there's all these sealtheast Asian countries. We're not not not everyone gets on all the time, they don't get along, but we learn to live with each other. And I think it's like the West. I mean,
we have to. We will go through phases and political things bad or good, but we learn from it, hopefully, and from those lessons, you know, something good will come out of it. I hope. I mean, I like to look at the good side of things. I really am not a negative person.
So okay, I think you might be in the wrong error then, because this is.
So I know.
Yeah, okay, so I was really hoping for uh you're saying that this is you've seen it go up and down in that we'll come back and we'll be friends again in way Okay, Okay, I hope you are right.
I hope.
So.
I mean I like to think of the positive.
So yeah, okay. I gotta say thank you so much for Quan. I think you're the best. Thank you for representing ancient people in Hollywood. Thank you for making the films that you made, and thanks for coming on the show, and thanks for representing all of us with dignity in class. Real appreciate being.
Don't twice silo.
Hey, the Award of Nancy Kuan comes out April twenty seconds.
It's available to preorder now, Nancy Kuan, everybody, we'll gonna tell you a quick Break'll be right back after this. Hey, that's all show for tonight. Now here it is your moment of Z.
Is that time a year to decorate Easter eggs?
But with egg prices soaring, some families are attorney to substitutes.
How about rocks, yep rocks from the yard.
Just paint them and you've got Easter egg rocks.
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