Republicans Blame Mass Shootings on Doors | Sergiy Kyslytsya

The mid term elections have already been decided. Surprise, America's fish are doing drawing, and her Majesty the Queen is celebrating seventy years as the world's most beloved unelected dictator. So let's through those people. Let's jump straight into today's headlines, right everybody. As you may know and as you should know, today was a very special day for the Queen. And no,

I'm not talking about Beyonce. I'm talking about the original Queen, the crown wearing range rover driving nine year old five ft giants whose face has been on money longer than any of us losers have even been alive. Long Live the Queen. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Every one of us from the colonies. We just get so excited when we talk about the Queen. Yeah, they whipped it into us when we were kids. It's not

my fault. Where was I Oh? Yes, yes. Queen Elizabeth the Second has now officially been on the throne for seventy years, which means it's time to throw a little party. Four days of parades and pageantry underway in London this morning to celebrate the historic a seventy year reign of Queen Elizabeth. Hundreds of thousands gathering outside of Buckingham Palace, tens of millions watching around the world. An event filled with royal tradition and ceremony. Fifteen hundred troops, three hundred

and fifty horses. This pageantry is the envy of the world. At Stonehenge, they have been showing pictures of the Queen from different decades. The jubilees official dessert a seven layer lemon trifle in honor of the Queen's seven decades of service. The Queens has given us her life. Really first, he's beautiful. The incredible composure of the Queen herself standing on that balcony, just how glamorous Kate looked, I mean, she is becoming an icon. And then little Prince Louis, who looked frankly

bored and a little unimpressed by the whole thing. Yeah, of course he's bored. Don't forget he's a prince. Okay, so to him, she's not the Queen of England in her palace. She's just Granny in her house with the grandma smell. All right, it doesn't matter what the spectacle is. At the end of the day, he is still a little kid at a family party. If you want to hold these interests, you know what you gotta do. You gotta give him an iPad. Yeah, that's what I do

with four year old whenever I look after them. Yeah, I put YouTube on, also play, and then boom, They said, for like ten hours straight. Yeah, I'm the world's best babysitter. And they come away understanding that Bush did nine eleven. But seriously, this looked like so much fun. Four days of parties. It's like a burning man when nobody's pretending to be poor. They've got fifteen hundred troops, hundreds of horses, seven layer desserts. The only part I didn't enjoy was

when they projected the Queen onto Stonehenge. Yeah, that felt kind of like an age thing, you know. I was like, hey, you two know each other, don't you. Queen say had the stone faces. And while the six dravagants and may seem excessive to people, you gotta admit, seventy years on the throne is impressive, you know. In fact, it's impressive for any job. Who else has held onto a job for that long? Huh? I mean if you think about it, in fact, maybe it's time for the Queen to try

something new. I mean, with the skills she's learned at this job, you know, she could try something else. She would be an incredible Walmart greeter. You know, it's like plasma screens in all five. She could be a consultant on the next season of Bridgets in you know, yeah, just being like it's not bad, but I wish we had this many chocolate hunks in my day. Yeah, or the best foot ofball. She could be a rapper. The Queen would be seamless in that. Yeah, she's got the bodyguards,

she's got the blink, she just went platinum. All she needs now is to start a beef with another monarch. Yeah, you want somebody this Emperor nary Hutol didn't think so, bitch. But let's move on from someone who's been on the throne for seventy years to someone who wishes they could be on the throne for seven years more. Donald Jubilee Trump, because do you guys remember you know how Trump and these people will peacefully try to uh dispute the election.

You guys remember that? Yeah, well if you don't, if you don't understand, it was like thirty four years ago in pandemic time. But it turns out that since Trump left office, the MAGA crowd has been plotting their next move like a cartoon villain. And the reason we know this now is because yesterday Political dropped a bombshell story about how the GOP might plan to win the mid terms without having the most votes. Yeah, because you see,

they were trying to challenge the election. But thanks to a new leaked recording, we now know the new mega plan is to install Trump's supporters as poll workers to challenge the election from the inside. And a stunning piece of reporting Political is uncovered tapes of Republican operatives strategizing

on how to overturn votes in Democratic precincts. The idea is to install party train volunteers prepared to challenge voters at democratic majority polling place is, and then to back up those party trained poll workers with a quote army of party friendly lawyers. Those folks are largely Q and nine election deniers, folks who think the election was corrupted, who are now going to be trained as poll workers, sitting there having their hands on the ballots, taking in

the information from the voters. Oh boy, this is not good. This is definitely not good. Trump lovers are planning to install themselves in place of nonpartisan poll workers. It's a major conflict of interest. It's like hiring death as a lifeguard. I don't know if he's interested in saving you. And look, I'm not surprised that Trump Republicans are switching their things up for this coming election, because last time, what do they do? They left it to this guy, right, a

man who was somehow even bad at sweating. I mean, look at that, right, That's that's what it looks like when hope physically leaves your body. And this is the thing about Republicans, They're not deterred by setbacks. Right, They tried to steal the election last time, and what happened. Everyone laughed at them, and they could have given up, you know, and tried to win the election based solely

on the strength of the ideas. But no, they got up, they dusted themselves off, and they said, this time, we're not going to need to overturn the votes because we won't count them in the first place. And let that be a lesson kids, you never give up on your dreams. I think that's the lesson, right, that is the lesson. No, it's not that. Oh and by the way, if you're worried that this means you won't get your eye voted stickers, calm down. You will. Yeah, it'll just have a question

mark at the end despite things up. All right, let's move on. Are you one of those people who eats fish instead of red meat because it's healthier for you, Well, if you live in Florida, you might want to think again. There's this alarming study out of Florida finding fish off the coast are contaminated with pharmaceutical Researchers sampled nineties three bone fish over three years and found an average of

seven meds per bone fish. One fish had seventeen different drugs list includes blood pressure medication, antidepressants, antibiotics, pain relievers, and a lot more. Researchers say the meds get in the wastewater every time people flush, you know, every time I think I've seen the most American story of all time. This kind of stuff comes up because which other country can say there's so much medication leaving our bodies. We're both basically providing Obamacare to the fish. Think about how

much medication our American doctors prescribing people. I think it might be too much. If I can ship out a full dose for somebody else, I would say this could be a good thing. There is a silver lining. Drug prices have gotten so high in America. If you can't afford your hot medication, now you can just go to red Lobster. Yeah. Yeah, you might get your blood pressure down, or you might get a full hour erection. Either way

you're happier. You're happier. And I know, I know that some people who are like Trevor, it's not about the people. This is unhealthy for the fish. It's not about humans. I actually think this is good for the fish. I do. I think it's good that they got ahold of some of those antidepressants. You know, yeah, if your habitat was slowly boiling around you, you could use some lexa pro

you know, just show you out. You know, when I was watching the story, like, I know that we put toilet water in the ocean, but the story just reminded me that we put our toilet water in the ocean. It's just like, what if I'm having fun at the beach, you know, frolicking in the waves, I never think, man, it's great to spend time in a big, giant toilets. We don't think of the ocean as that when we're in it. You don't you realize people propose at the beach.

Not once you remember that our toilet water goes, there's not as romance it anymore. You know. It's just like, so, how did he propose? Like, oh, remember that huge dumpy flush the other day that was right next to that? Oh my god. All right, but let's move on to some exciting use from the world of science, and in particular, robots. There's no denying that robots have come a long way, you know, from helping humans assemble cause to showing off

their dance moves to distract us from the apocalypse. They're planning to even running some of the world's biggest social media companies. But it turns out the next big leap in robots might actually be really small. Well, a group of engineers from Northwestern University developing the smallest remote control robots ever created. Look at this, So this tiny crab

robots is only half a millimeter wide. That's smaller than a flea that can walk along the edge of a penny too, and the bots has the ability to crawl, jump, and even twists. The engineers hope micro robots can eventually repair small machines in tight spaces. You those things look like something warmly picked up at an airport, like hinta Yeah, he's like, oh, you gotta wrap it up warly. That

looks disgusting. You know. I don't know why this this kind of robot scares me a lot more than the human sized ones, because at least if a big robot goes berserk, we can close the door. I don't know, man, we're making tiny robots. You're just gonna wait until you're sleep and they crawl into your mouth, into your brain. Yeah, And they get into your brain and they trigger that memory of the time you asked that girls are prom

and she said she was busy that night. But then you saw her at the prom, and now I wish that robot had killed me. And you know why it's cool to have a super tiny robots to respare to repair small machines. What are you gonna do in the tiny robots break? Do we think about that? Huh? Yeah, you don't think about it, do you. Yeah, you realize

what's gonna happen. You've got robots breaking, you bring the tiny robots to fix those, and then the tiny robots broke, and then when you're gonna have to call the world's tiniest repair man to your house. Okay, before we get started, there's a few things I'm gonna need from you. I'm gonna get thirsty, so gave me a drop of water off for the day. Okay. Secondly, I only take Venmo. Can't risk getting stuck on to another dollar bill for a week. No more of that. And most importantly, make

sure you lock up your cat. That thing's like a t rex to me. I'm tiny. I'm dining. Okay. Finally, have you ever wondered what happens between the time you click order on a food delivery app and the food actually arriving at your door, and you might be saying, oh, I know what happens, Trevor, I rub one out while I wait. No, what I mean is what happens on

the food side. You guys are disgusting. Well, now delivery drivers are revealing what's really happening behind the scenes, but you may want to pick it up instead of having it delivered. According to a new poll, delivery workers admitt to eating some of the food in their customers orders. More than five delivery drivers were pulled for the survey, and the results shows hooking up with someone in the vehicle.

I'm sorry that that is shocking. Of drivers eat their customers food so that means of drivers are delivering vegan meals. That can't be right. I actually don't necessarily have a problem with sharing my food with someone. I'm not Swedish. And also this news actually makes me feel better about ordering takeouts because now when someone says, do you know how many calories are in those fries, I'll be like less.

Thanks to Barry five stars. Barry five stars, and before you hear this news and go, delivery drivers are ship they're eating our food. Maybe you should be asking why do these billion dollar tech companies pay the delivery people so badly that they have to eat your food? In fact, they should have an option where I'm top of the tip, you can order extra food for them. The only detail that threw me in this whole thing is the part

about hooking up in the car that threw me off. Yeah, when they said, like delivery drivers admit to hooking up in the car, like when, I just want to know when I don't mind? But when is it like when they when they're not delivered, when they're on the job. Is that like while they're delivering the food? Because I'll be honest, man, you know I don't want my freshly cooked dumplings to witness that. Oh boy, oh boy. I can't wait to go to my new house, so it's

gonna be Wait, why are we stopping? What what are you do doing? I don't want to say that, as I don't want to say that as close the lead, close the lad Why does he have a sausage out here? What's going on? Tough? Lack of the dumplings? All right, we gotta take a quick break, but don't go away because when we come back Michael Costa hits the streets to find solutions to America's gun problem. You don't want

to miss it. Welcome back to the Daily Show. May fourteen, a man armed with an Air fifteen style rifle shots up a supermarket in Buffalo. Ten days later, another man with an Air fifteen style rifle shot up a school in Texas, And just yesterday a man with an Air fifteen style rifle shot up a medical building in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Now you might think the problem here is all the Air fifteen style rifles, but that just shows how little you know, because the real problem, according to some, is

all the doors. Have one door into and out of the school, and have that one door armed police officers at that door. If there should be one entrance in and one entrance out, and all of our elementary and all of our middle schools are small enough to do that, it is about the single point of entry. If the school was on lockdown, could the doors have been locked where he couldn't have gotten in? Classroom doors should be hardened to make them lockable from the inside and closed

two intruders from the outside. That's right. America had is a doors problem. In fact, some doors are totally unhinged, and yet politicians are doing nothing. And since we know other countries don't have America's mass shooting problem, that clearly means that they know something about doors that we don't. So we asked Michael Costans to hit the streets and find out how other countries deal with their doors. In the days since you Valdy, we've had eleven more mass

shoot hold on ship another one. In the days since you Valdy, we've had twelve more mass hold on news alert thirteen fourteen mass shootings. But for some reason, mass shootings are the one part of American culture that isn't popular in other countries. How often are you having mass shootings in India? Is a weekly? As a daily in thirty years? Never never heard of maids? Wow, So what are they doing differently than us? Shootings in America? Everyone

knows what's causing them. No one's really saying it. It's the elephant in the room. Let's say it together. America has too many doors. Wait, what did you say? The one thing America can do to prevent mass shootings is to limit each school to one or even better, zero doors. That doesn't make sense. One do how is that going to look like? How are you going to get fire? Let's say we're in the school together with no doors and we're in the fire. That's why the kids should

have guns. You shoot out a circle, I'll grab your hand, will be like I saw it an action movie once and then we and then we go out or we shoot out the window. What a guns have to do with it? I'm talking about like doors, you know, like the shooters come in through doors. I wasn't sure why these two weres for ignoring the real threat to our nation doors. How did the Polish government defeat the door lobby? They don't They just let people have dooms? Okay, how

many shootings if of it? Exactly what? Yeah? But these are little European doors, like little ones that like hands On and Gretel walked through. This isn't the old days with the old doors, the big wooden heavy doors that was real difficult to open. You know, these are new modern doors, like even a kid can open them. There's so many heartless manufacturers like Smith and West No like greaton barrels have to do with the doors. I realized doors are a hot button issue. But just keep your cool.

I'm not saying anything crazy. I'm just saying you should have a license to buy a door. You should have a background check to buy a door. If you have committed a violent crime in the last five years, maybe there's a waiting period for you to buy a door. So you say that buying a gun should be easier than buying any door. What a guns have to do

with it? Guns are would keep us safe. Foreigners like to say that Americans are obsessed with guns, Yet when it comes to preventing mass shootings, all they wanted to talk about was guns. Now, who's obsessed? Do you think it would help to ban revolvers? Yeah, you know the doors that go around Like, oh, I thought, sorry, you were thinking of guns. But what about your constitutional right to have a gun? Right? Whoa does it suck? Over there? We have a no, you can't buy a gun, just

like that. You have to have permission to have a gun, permaid, a license, Yeah, a license. You can't go in the shop and have a gun. It's complicated. Let me tell you what's simple. One door. You keep coming back to these guns, right, people are coming through the doors to do dangerous stuff. Wow, they have to have something dangerous with them like a gun and the doors. I don't know you walk through the doors. I can't see the I'm sorry, I can't understand. I appreciate you apologizing and

apology accepted. Maybe one day these foreigners will have some actual advice and how to stop shootings in America. But until then, our door is open. We'll figure it out. Michael, stay tunes because we're gonna be joined by Ukrainian Ambassador to the United Nations, Sergei kits Leia, So please don't go away. Welcome back to the Danner Show. My guest tonight.

If Ukraine's representative to the United Nations easier to talk about Russia's war in Ukraine, please welcome ambassador, sir, Hey Liza, welcome, Ambassador, Welcome to the Didnner Show. Thank you, thank you for invited me. You have a rarely position, a really interesting position, and a difficult undertaking right now because you are representing Ukraine at the U N and Ukraine is in one

of the most precarious positions right now. Before we get into where we are, let's maybe clear up the beginning. How did this start and what is the cause of what we're seeing in Ukraine? Well, do you want a long story or you want a short version. I guess we're one three hundred, three hundred years. But the long the short one is putting them to power. And he probably promised himself that he would restore the Soviet Empire.

And ever since, we are um in the state of war, and now we are in the state of hot war. I mean actually the war started not on the fourth or February, started back in two south of fourteen. And you you, you're in a position now where as you said, I like that you call it a hot war because it's a war that you know, people can see very clearly. Are many people who are being killed, are tanks rolling in?

It's it's a it's a different type of war though, because everybody agrees that Ukraine is on the right, everybody agrees that Russia is doing something wrong. And yet because of Russia being Russia, it seems like the United Nations and many other countries are scared to overact for fear of causing a world war. How how do you then ask for help and what do you what do you hope will be achieved if countries, you know, have to

balance this precarious position. Well, I think that as a matter of fact for me, or we are already in the Third World War, which may be quine of crazy to say, but the twenty one century is not the twentieth century where we had these standard wars with tanks crossing the borders. We are in the hybrid world and you don't really need to cross the border to attack the United States. You can do that in the cyberspace, you know, or you can do like a terrorism or

financial terrorism. So basically we are there in the United Nations, and the United Nations is a pro act of three old gentlemen, among which were Joseph Stalin. So it's not perfect, and we still in the hundreds day of the war. We still have Russia sitting in front of us, and

we still pretend that we have to respect it. And the only reason we respect Russian Federation is because well, I do not respect, but they have to respect because that's a very important correction, because they possessed the nuclear arsenal and they are really paranoid that Russia may use nukes against them. So is your argument then that Russia shouldn't be sitting as one of those permanent members of

the UN. Well, first of all, Russia is not a permanent member if you ask me, I mean, Russia occupied the seat of the Soviet Union back in the same way the Russia occupied Georgia, the same way Russia occupied Transnistra in Moldova, the same way Russia invaded Syria. So, uh, Russia occupies, occupies, occupies, and we are all complacent with that.

I mean, we were complacent to that until the night of the Only three, and all of a sudden we were surprised that it happened, I mean, which was imminent for thirty years. But do you do you think that maybe this has been you know it everything in hindsight is you know, and and and I've read you know, some historians who would argue that, you know, they could have been a way for the world to bring Russia into the fold from the very beginning. Some say the

problem was the fact that Russia was pushed out. Russia felt like they were being isolated. It felt like nature was encroaching on their territory. If Putin was brought into the fauld, he would have had a vested interest in being part of the world. Do you do you see

any credence in that argument? Well, you know, I saw many criminal knowledgists of sovietologists they called, they are called often, and they are too noted with their vision over the world the same way like Germany was two notes with north Stream. You know, they saw the world through the tunne of north Stream, and we were all of us, we were guilty of Latin putting grow as a dictator of unprecedented scale in Europe. Probably Hitler only the one who can compare him with uh No. I don't believe

in episement. I believe in the need to fight the virus. And Russian budanism is the same as carbet. But it's only the international politics cart you know, right right, and and and and it is taking its toll as well. You know your your your country is in a position now where every day we read about how Russia is changing its tactics. You know it's slowly becoming a war of attrition as opposed to a direct assault. You know, Ukraine has inspired the world and how and how you're

fighting back. You know your your president has been there, staying in the country, you know, despite what everyone thought he would do. Um When you get to the point though, where it feels like European nations are almost encouraging Ukraine too in some way, you know, give up a piece of territory. You see many European nations saying Ukraine, maybe you should just give them the don Bas region, Just give them that part that has already expressed some sort

of interest in becoming part of Russia. You have said that that is a complete non start whine. Yeah, it's absolutely I mean, unless everybody is an easiac. You know, let me remind it what happened in nineteen orty eight when Hitler signed a Munich agreement with Chamberlain. The New York Times literally literally ran an article and they can quote from it, the world has never been pregnant with hope as it is now. And then what happened to

Caslovakia lost one fifth of its territory. The Nazi troops moved in, and then in less than twelve months, the Second World War started and the whole Czechoslovakia was invaded. So basically, if people are not very cognizant of the history lessons, they have to go back to school, so I think, and it's a duty of all of us

to make them study the history. Are you worried that European countries may at some point say this is too much for us, and we don't know if we're gonna back Ukraine through this, because we've seen again through history Russia is not afraid to fight long, painful wars. You know, it seems like Vladimir Putin's on aflate to send his troops out onto the front lines and and and have them perish because he doesn't have to worry about an election that he's losing. You know, an approval is not

his issue. And so if if you're in that position, you know, Ukraine isn't is in a space where you have your your your your people who may get demoralized. You know, you have a nation that is constantly bombarded. You know, obviously the US is helping you, But but what would you hope the next steps would be? Then,

where do you see the world moving towards to help Ukraine? Well, Tevor, you just came from Europe onto your right, did yeah, yeah, you see, so it was your own eyes that Europe it's not really a homogeneous is It's so diverse, it's like a bouquet of nations, right, So it would be kind of over a generalization to say that Europe believes Eure obsays. I mean, we have wonderful, wonderful nations like Poland, like the UK like Portugal. I just to talk to

the Portuguese best, like Baltic states. They will fight hard until the very end to defeat the Russian despotism. You know, we have some countries that got used to live in comfort for so long that they are out of context altogether.

But the thing is that if we do not defeat Putanism today, right, if we we will be satisfied with just a military defeat of Russia in Ukraine and we will let these dictator to regrow his chopped back clothes, they will hit all of you again, like in five or seven years from now, and then we all paid triple price for it. So, even from the point of view of investing money in Ukrainian victory, investing money in

Ukrainian victory is investing money in your own security. And you should be all grateful that it is the Ukrainian soldiers, not the British soldiers, not the American soldiers, who are dying in the front defending the collective democratic world. You know. So I have to remind about that to all of our viewers and to all people in Europe, in North America, and not only there. I have to buy in all Africans who will suffer from the food shortages in two

months from now. A lot of people don't know about that, you know. I have so many people complaining about food prices going up, many people in the Middle Eastern Africa struggling with you know, a shortage of wheat and bread is you know, the most important food sources. Many people don't know how much of that grain is coming from Ukraine.

For the entire world. There are countries, there are countries that are sevent dependent on Ukrainian grain, and those countries are devastatus with civil wars or with drafts, or with climate calamities. They have no way to go on the market and buy grain from somewhere else, so I mean from for them, it is a matter of civil survival. And the fact is that we have twenty one million tons of grains to be exported, and we can't do that because one crazy little person in in Kremlin does

not really allow us to do that, you know. And that's that's amazing. I mean, that's amazing. And one of the jobs we have to do. One of the things we are doing currently in the United Nations, we are desperately seeking the way how to save millions of people who are literally under the threat of dying observation ten

thousand miles away from from Ukraine, you know. And that is why this conflict has so many implications that unlike in two thousand and fourteen, where we when we were all happy to have one hundred nations voting in favor of the territorial integrity of Ukraine, we now have overwhelming majority. We have one hundred forty one nations that voted on the second of March and that identify Russia as an aggressive state. You know, there were only four countries, such

wonderful countries. It's North Korea and Syria who voted in support of Russia, you know. And it's very important. It's very important because the world finally understood that it's not just about Ukraine, it's about the entire collective, democratic community of nations. Thank you so much for joining us, about than before. United I think you'll be come hopefully waiting you again. We're gonna take a quick break. We will

be right back after the death. It's proby the well, that's our topics might Before we Go, Before We Go. This year, on the one year anniversary of the Capital Insurrection, we erected attributes right here in New York. So the heroes who fought against America on January six and lost. This weekend June three, Une, we'll be bringing those monuments to Los Angeles for one weekend only, and we've added

two new, never before seen heroes. So if you are in Los Angeles, come and see the pop up at the Westfield Century City for more information, keep an eye on the Daily Show social feeds until next time. Stay safe out there, and remember Oscar Doctor. If fish from Florida is right for you. What's the Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central. In stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast w