Recapping Trump's Second First 100 Days - Part 2

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Yeah, let's get to the big story. Americans are still trying to process the global realignment that has occurred following the disastrous Oval Office meeting between the President JD.

Vance and Vladimir Zelensky. What happened? They say? Are we still America? They say? Oh? Side a way on? They say, it's complicated.

The best way that I can explain what happened and show Americans how to process this new reality was with another shocking turn of events from this weekend.

On Saturday Night at the Elimination Chamber, the WWE shock the world is John Cena turn heeled, join the Rock and attacked Cody rhoads.

Now.

If that does not immediately explain to you our current geopolitical climate, you must have grown out of watching wrestling through the normal course of aging. I, on the other hand, understand this in my booth.

This explains it, folks.

All of your shock, all of your disappointment, all of your anger, it's in there.

It's in the square circle. You see Saturday night. Oh, we're doing this Saturday night.

Johncina, the good guy of professional wrestling, mister Hustle, the Champ, the man who stood for everything, truth, justice, the guy who literally holds the record for the most Make a Wish Foundation meetings of all time.

People would get cancer just to meet John Fina. Last weekend, seen A flipped the script and went from being a face a good guy to a heel a bad guy. Now, if you don't follow professional wrestling, and I'm guessing if you watch this show, you do not sing from all right, But let me continue to bore you with this metaphor.

So here's what happened.

The current WWE champion is won Cody Rhodes.

Seven people say around.

Cody Roads is the people's champ unquestioned bravery. He stands in for Zelenski in this metaphor. A couple of weeks ago, the Rock now evil owner of the WWE in our story, made Cody Rhodes an offer.

The one thing that I want more than anything in this world is that I want your soul.

He wants k but sir, But sir, I am smaller and weaker than you. It will take incredible bravery for me to protect my soul and the soul of my people. But luckily I am not protecting my soul alone, for I have the support of the great.

JOHNSONA so Cody Rhodes.

Zelenski told Vladimir Putin rock no soul for you, mother, For that's when they met in the Oval office. America went to hugs Zelenski. But when America looked up, somehow Putin had given John Cena the international time for its time, and rather than repudiate Putin, America smelled what the rock was cooking, and through that Borsdas America delivered the nutshot, the nutshot to the hopes and dreams of Ukrainians everywhere.

And then for no reason, America jumped on.

Zelensky and started punching in the face as many times as he got.

Too simplistic time.

This is it, am I being too simplicic, assigning to the delicate art of real politique, a scripted outcome.

Perhaps judge for yourself.

Putin broke twenty five times his own signatship twenty five times he broke and seys fire.

Nor you're in no position to dictate what we're gonna feel.

You're not in a good positions.

You don't have the cards right now. See you're gambling with World War three. You're gambling with World War three.

Have you said thank you once that fire meetings.

We gave you, through this stupid president, three hundred and fifty billion dollars. You're either gonna make a deal or we're out. This is gonna be great television.

I will say that it sure wasn't.

But isn't that what you want from the high stakes diplomacy in real life urgency that.

Ending war demands.

And you know, even reporters got some nutshots in why.

Don't you wear a suit?

Oh shit, no you did.

Let's do that, doesn't Oh Zelenski, you're so poor and war torn.

You're down to one Brooks brother. Oh shit, you've so war.

Torn, you've given up the meaningless protocols of business attire. If you think I'm pushing this metaphor, look at the stunned faces in the crowd at WWE when John Cena turned heel. I now present you the equally stunned faces of those watching this Oval Office pay per view.

Scott, I've never seen anything like that. You've never seen anything like that?

Wow, just wow, that was something, Caitlin. I want to start with.

Look at her face.

I mean, Christian, you broke Christiana amenploy the woman wanders unprotected through Taliban control Afghanistan.

Doesn't give ten minutes of Trump diplomacy.

She's like, is anyone else dizzy?

My A one C is plenty Now.

Of course, there is one big difference between the WWE and the world of politics. In the WWE, they seem very clear on who the good guys and who the bad guys are. Nobody walked out of the match pretending that the guy who got nutshotted was the bad guy.

There was this attitude of ungratefulness, seeing his smirk, seeing him roll his eyes, seeing him refer to JD Vance the Vice president as JD.

He shows up in his equinox chic outfit to the dog on oval office.

President Zelenski was also antagonistic and frankly, he was rude.

So impertinent, so disrespectful.

Tone deaf, going in and fighting back, getting sassy with the President and the He was sassy.

He was sassy.

Here was a real scallywag.

You know what I would say if I was there in the offal office with him, I'd say, you better watch your tone, mister. I think it was Churchill, who, during World War Two was roundly criticized for being a bit lippy. Excuse me, mister, will decide where you're gonna fight them, whether it's on the beaches or not, or what him, poor guys Alenski, his nation was invaded. He's, against all odds, held off a much bigger army for

Nobody would know.

Show off what you got, you know what I'm talking about? Maybe some of those rare metals.

I've been here and some about it, But I guess rising prices and a tanking stock market. That's just the cost of starting a trade war with your neighbors. Now Mexico, they expect it, right. Trump's headed out for that since no one showed up to his keen Seniera. But but why Canada. We've always been tight with Canada. We were both British colonies. We play in the same sports leagues together,

Trump says the tariffs are needed, and he claims Canada and Mexico aren't doing enough to stop all legal immigration and fentanyl shipments.

The fentanyl coming through Canada is massive.

Of course, of course, fentanyl and migrants. That makes sense.

We can't just be letting Canada pump massive and massive amounts of fentanyl and migrants across our border.

Data shows less than one percent of the fentanyl entering in the US comes from Canada, and only one point five percent of border patrol encounters with migrants take place at the border with Canada.

Huh okay, So it's not ventanyl or migrants, and it can't be because Trump's an insecure, wanna be alpha male thumbing his chest so the world pays attention to him.

So I guess, I guess we'll never know. It's probably Joe Biden.

Whatever it is, Prime Minister Trudeau, he wasn't having it.

Today the United States launched a trade war against Canada, their closest partner and ally their closest friend. Now, I want to speak directly to one specific American. Don't, even though you're a very smart guy, this is a very dumb thing to do.

Wow wow, yeah yeah, yeah.

He's mad, and he's not even world leader mad. He's dad mad. This is the same tone I use when I tell my daughter not to throw her baby sister into the crib. You are not that type of person that does this, even though you just did this and you'll probably keep doing it, but you're not this.

Okay, Donald, my daughter's name is Donald.

And.

All of Canada is lining up behind Trudeau like Ontario's Premier. Doug Ford came out to warn America about the consequences of a trade work, although in a confusing way.

The people of the US, which I absolutely love the American people, they're gonna be paying more. The market is going to go downhill faster than the American Bob sled team.

Oh sick burn, I think.

I mean it sounded like a slam.

But if the market will go downhill really fast, that means our Bob sled team is also fast.

Is not like a compliment.

Our Bob sled team is supposed to go fast, right unless he's saying our Bob sled team is slow, which is a slam.

But then that means the market.

Won't go downhill fast, which is good for our economy.

This metaphor doesn't make any sense.

The point is doug Ford is forcing me to learn about Bob sledding, and I do not appreciate that. Is there a Canadian who can make an analogy that's a little less confusing? Donna reared in the mayor of Saint John and New Brunswick. Maybe you have a good analogy.

I mean, we've been in this comfortable relationship with our American cousins.

And now we're being attacked.

So you know, we're breaking up with the US and it's time to move on.

Yeah, we're cousins, but we're so we're breaking up. This analogy is even worse than the Bob sled.

You can't break up with your cousin.

Sure, you can both go off and get married and start your own families.

Try to convince yourselves you've moved on.

But she's she's still there at Thanksgiving every year, and yeah, she.

Brings her new husband and she laughs at his jokes.

But deep down you can see in her pale blue eyes that she's sad.

And I'm sad too, Stephanie.

I know she can see it in my eyes, which are the same color as hers, because we're related, and that's.

And that's why we can't beat together. Right, What was I talking about.

I'm sorry, but look that's right. Oh the trade war that we've launched for no reason. The point is, look what Donald Trump has done to Canada. They're the nicest country on Earth, the sexiest cousin, and look what we've brought them out to do.

Canadians are reasonable and we are polite, but we will not back down from a fight.

An Ontario Premier Doug Ford to threaten to shut off his province's electricity, exports to the United States and block shipments of Ontario's high grade nickel.

With Canadian liquor stores took American whiskey off the shelves.

There's also hashtags buy Canadian and boycott USA going viral.

Canadian coffee shop The Morning Owl in Ottawa has renamed its popular Americano coffee to a Canadiano WWE.

Fans were drowning out the performance of The Star Spangled Banner in Toronto.

Take a listen, damn.

Canada's respect for America has gone down faster than Curtis and Hubert Stevens, a gold medalist and the two man Bob sled at the nineteen thirty two in Lake class at Olympics.

Now that's how you do a Bob Sled metaphor done.

The star of the night was Donald Trump, and you have to admit he showed a lot of range last night. Okay, Like when he talked about Doge finding social Security fraud, he got to show off his lying skills.

We're also identifying shocking levels of incompetence and probable fraud in the Social Security program. Government databases list four point seven million social Security members from people aged one hundred to one hundred nine years old, three point six million people from ages one hundred and ten to one hundred and nineteen, three point five million people from ages one hundred and forty to one hundred and forty one, and one person is listed at three hundred and sixty years of age.

I can't believe we're paying that many people's social security I can't believe it because it's not true.

Okay, and I could it's been a bump.

I could explain why it's false and why Trump's wasting everybody's time over an Excel spreadsheet air or in the time it would take to explain it, we could watch this video of my Walter.

Fact check. He's perfect, but.

Trump spent a lot of his performance on the waste elon musk is finding while also showcasing his masterful ability to troll.

Just listen to some of the appalling waste.

We have already identified twenty million dollars for the Arab Sesame Street in the Middle East, Diversity equity and inclusion scholarships in Burma, improving learning outcomes in Asia, LGBTQI plus in the African nation of Lesuto. Eight million dollars for making mice transgender.

Oh yeah, yeah, I remember that children's book. I think it's called If You Give a Mouse a Pussy right.

Now.

To be fair, eight million dollars to transition mice is a waste of money, you know. Just look at Mickey Mouse, right you put a six dollars bow on them and boom, Mini Mouse. But hey, Trump, maybe you shouldn't criticize weird science stuff when your new best friend is the one putting microchips in monkey brains, and when those monkeys die, your other new best friend is taking them home in a doggie bag. Being president comes with a lot of

Tariffs are easy, they're fast, they're efficient, and they bring fairness. We're going to bring so many things back to our country, and the thing that's going to get us there is tariffs. We'll take in hundreds of billions of dollars in tariffs, and we're going to make our country so strong and so rich.

It will never be so rich.

Tariffs.

It's a beautiful word, isn't it. Tariff. It's a beautiful word.

That's why I name my daughter Tiffiny.

This guy's so horny for tariffs, isn't he.

I love any word with big natural double fs. According to Donald Trump, tariffs are great, and I also want our country to be rich without any negative consequences. So let's see how he's imposed tariffs on Canada in Mexico, and let's sit back and let's watch that economy roar baby.

And that's to night the stock market dropping more than six hundred points.

US stock markets plunged for the second day in the row.

We've seen consumer confidence tank.

Layoff numbers across the US are the highest they've been since twenty twenty.

The R word is back, thanks in large part to tariffs.

But the R word is back.

Tariffs brought back the R word, So I guess I can say it.

Wall Street banks are starting to raise a red flag that recession auds have become unsettlingly high, right right?

That our word? Of course, that's what I was thinking.

I can be such a recession sometimes, by the way, is recession and our word? Now, who thinks the word recession is offensive? Finance bros? Did they get woke? Before we discuss the impending our word, we begin by acknowledging that we are on the ancestral grounds of capital grill, where Chad was unjustly removed by the bartender before he could get a chance to cheat on his wife's sub Chad. So basically, Trump said the tariffs are going to be

Hey, nobody said this was going to be easy. Trust the process.

May there'll be a little disturbance.

You're okay with that. There's going to be a little bit of pain going into this. It is going to be painful. And if I have to pay a little bit more for something, I'm all for it. We're gonna have to suffer through some bad news.

There's going to be a short period of time where there'll be some higher prices on certain products.

It's not inflation. That's nonsense.

Yeah, yeah, nonsense.

It's not inflation people, It's just higher prices on food and cars and gas and every other product we import from our biggest trading partners. But do you know what we might be in for some hard times? But tariffs are Donald Trump's whole thing. And if there's one thing I know about Donald Trump, he's a man who sticks to his guns.

Uh, breaking news And to see and end President Trump's officially delayed tariffs on Mexico and Canada.

Boo, after all that tariffs are now on hold. Trump just backed away from those tariffs like it was a long time friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. So so tariffs are on, they're delayed, they're off.

Who knows if they'll come back or when or for how long.

Look, I'm not a big business guy, but quick question, does anyone know if businesses need to make decisions more than four hours in advance. So it appears the only silver lining in this pointless trade war is that at least we're only fighting with Canada and Mexico.

You know, if you're going to pick a fight, pick a fight.

With two sissy countries, you can beat right, right right.

The Chinese embassy of the US, tweeting earlier this week, quote, if war is what the US wants, be it a tariff war, a trade war, or any other type of war, We're ready to fight till the end.

Oh shit, China, China, don't play.

They're like, if you got beef, we got broccoli. Bitch, let's go.

Listen, Donald, Canada and Mexico are one thing. But please don't piss off China. I know you wrote the art of the deal, but they wrote the art of war. And I think a trade war with China might lead to at best a devastating economic depression or at worst nuclear destruction of our most of American cities, or, as Trump might.

Say, will there be a little disturbance.

Now.

One of Trump's big promises for his second term was deporting violent immigrants from America, and he often mentioned one violent gang in particular.

Trend day Aragua remove the Savage gang trendy Iraqua trend day trendy Arguy.

Trend.

You know the members of that gang are like is that us she's talking about? Trump sounds like my grandfather ordering Chipotle. I'll take the barber bacal Buenos nott Jos. And over the weekend, Trump announced he was deporting hundreds of these suspected Venezuelan gang members.

All the way back to El Salvador.

So close enough.

And of course these suspected gang members would be afforded a rigorous legal procedure, including a trial, the presentation of evidence, and all the rights of due process.

I'm just working with you.

He did a Trump the administration invoking an obscure law, the Aliens Enemies Act of seventeen ninety eight, which allows the government to deport people with little to no due process and was last used to round up Japanese Americans during World War II.

Last used to round up Japanese Americans.

During World War Two?

Why does Trump always have to pick the oldest, most racist laws to do what he wants to do of cutting taxes under the authority of the It's okay to drown Italian's Law of eighteen sixty grade.

It's not just that it's archaic.

Invoking that law has some big problems. One is that if you're deporting gang members but there's no due process, then you don't really know if you're deporting gang members, you're just deporting people who you think look like gang members. And if you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, I mean, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Trendy Argy.

Yeah, yeah, you guys are Uh. There's another problem with invoking this law, which is it's supposed to be used in wartime. So to make this work, Trump had to pretend that we're at war with Venezuela, which we're not. Not to mention, a pretend war is an extreme complicated concept. To throw out the Secretary of Defense on Saint Patrick's day. So man, okay, so bottom line bottom line here, Okay. There's a lot of legal questions up in the air.

That federal judge in an emergency hearing Saturday ordered any plane containing these folks that is going to take off ors in the air needs to be returned to the United States, adding this is something that you need to make sure is complied with immediately.

Oh well, it was a good try, Donald, But the judge has ruled, and that's the way the system works. So Trump brought to the Venezuelans back, gave them due process, did the whole constitution.

I'm with you again. He ignored the judge.

The administration made a calculated decision to ignore a federal judges directive to turn the flights around.

My god, I mean, if you had told me that Donald Trump would trigger a constitutional crisis just seven weeks into his term, I would have said, that is a lot later than I thought. I mean, Donald showed a lot of restraint. I mean, Trump's really becoming presidential. Of course, the administration didn't just come out and say we don't listen to judges from now on. They had the respect for the judicial branch to come up with some bullshit.

The White House argue that Bosberg's written order was issued when the planes were already mid air, and that his verbal order some forty minutes earlier did not count.

It didn't count. Is that how rulings work?

You have to put it in writing, you can't just say it. Well, this is definitely not the first time that Trump has defended himself by arguing that oral doesn't count. Look it up, look it up. Like the judge wasn't terribly impressed with that argument, so Trump's lawyers went with another response, which was can't catch me force Field.

The Trump administration arguing that the court no longer had jurisdiction once the planes were over international waters.

Yes, okay, apparently the Constitution is not in effect over international waters. That explains Carnival Cruise Line's new ship, the SS Cruel and Unusual punishment. And while the Trump administration is saying that it has the right to ignore judicial orders, President Trump himself is somehow going even further.

President Donald Trump just took a true social and deemed this judge responding to this decision here, calling him a radical left lunatic of a judge, a troublemaker and agitator who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama. He says this judge should be impeached.

So there you have it.

Donald Trump went from oh, sorry, we have listened to this judge if we had heard it in time, to actually, this lunatic judge.

Should be impeached.

And if you would have told me that that all happened in forty eight hours, I would have said wow.

Again longer than I expect.

Donald Trump made lots of promises during the presidential campaign, and he emphasized one thing in particular.

Starting on day one, we will bring competence and common sense back to the Oval office. Restore competence and effectiveness to our federal government.

Kamala says, vote for her and your voting for joy.

What's the one more encounterpart.

Competence competence, but real competence, real real competence, not just.

He's he's sort of a competent. No real competence. Yes.

Yes, the more you say that something is real, the more people believe you. My real, real girlfriend lives in real Canada. She's just not just sort of my girlfriend. She's my real girlfriend. She's real and I touched her real movies. By the way, what room is that? I feel like the beast must have bell trapped in the room. Next door right, But yes, Trump promised his presidency would be marked by competence, and now that we're two months in, let's see how that's going.

Some serious security concerns over the newly released JFK files and real anger after social security numbers and other private information of more than two hundred people were made public on Tuesday. The Washington Post reports that among them are former congressional staffers and one of Donald Trump's most vocal defenders,

That, whoa man looks like?

Three?

Or four?

Five, five six? You too is really upset about that, league, man. Social security numbers address is full names. The only thing that wasn't in the JFK papers was who killed JFK. And Trump's poor, poor lawyer. He's probably like, oh, man, I never would have represented you in your twenty twenty election fraud case if I knew you'd be untrustworthy.

Boy, can't be surprised.

Everything Trump has done so far has been sloppy, whether it's doge not knowing who they're firing, ice not knowing who they're deporting. Turns out they can't even do a classic DEI purge.

Right tonight, the Pentagon's sparking outrage after removing from its website a story celebrating the Army record of American icon Jackie Robinson. A senior military official tells US tonight that the Pentagon relies on computer software to scrub DEI content from its websites, and that ultimately those stories about Jackie Robinson were removed by mistake.

Yeah, oh, don't blame us, blame our racist software.

We should have never used chat KKK.

Plastic mistake, classic mistake.

Be careful where did a shoot?

So the Jackie Robinson mistake wasn't even the most embarrassing anti DEI flub.

In some cases, photos seemed to be flagged for removal simply because their file included the word gay, including service members with that last name, and an image of the B twenty nine aircraft Enola Gay, which dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima.

That's how lazy they were with this. They just control f't for gay sounding keywords and deleted anything that showed up. Now, kids, won't know about the Inola Gay, they won't know about transport planes, and they'll never hear about the heroic service of Captain Grinder.

Mcsisary tragic.

What's extra tragic is this have all been avoided if they had just named the plane and Nola Gay Nohomo.

You know.

But luckily, our national free speech nightmare recently came to an end when we entered the golden age of Donald jehosiphef for Trump.

We have saved free speech in America, and we've saved it strongly, Free speech in America Inspact.

Thank god, we have a president now who believes in free speech.

Yes, thank god, we have a president now who believes in free Just go ahead, roll through twelve.

I believe that CNN and MSDNC what they do is illegal. I think CBS should lose its license, but I think ABC should lose its license.

Also because of what they've done.

I watched what Happened live.

I think Bravo should also lose their license. What they did to Derinda on Traders. They should be sent to a Salvagerianello.

This is what I'm talking about.

Generally, you've got to search the archives for contradictions on one stated principles, dig through policy papers to uncover private actions that are undermined by someone's public stance. But this is so this is so blatant, I can't wrap my head around it.

It's not even the hypocrisy, it's that they so.

Fetishize free speech, this thing that they do not in any way actually.

Practice the freedom to speak our minds and express the truth that is our heart. Really, that's really a big chunk of our heart.

Any cardiologists will tell you hearts coming chunks. Blood comes into the aorda to the right ventricle, passes through your speech chunk. But since coming into office, Trump and the Republicans have instituted policies that are a dagger right through many people's speech chunks.

The White House has barred the Associated Press from presidential events because the AP has refused to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America in its stylebook.

And in a dramatic escalation against the American legal system, Trump this weekend diructed his government.

To target law firms battling his actions.

Federal immigration officials arrested a Palaestudian activists to help lead last year's student encampment protest at Columbia.

I think we are to get them all out of the country. They're troublemakers, they're agitators.

They don't love our country.

Bunks, my precious chunks, my lovely lady chunks, not chunks, not chunks, our lovely ladies.

You're making my paraneum tingle.

Here's the thing, these attacks on free speech, especially the one where they deported that activist. If there's one thing that I know about the powerful principles at our higher education institutions, they will not be bullied by a roll to twelve.

Columbia University is bowing to President Trump's demands, announcing it will change a number of policies.

Among them placing the school's Middle Eastern, South Asian and African Studies department under academic receivership for at least five years.

Some students protest to the warrant.

Guys are suddenly a whole department is on double secret probation with government oversight.

And by the way, okay, Middle.

East part African studies, what did they do.

For the African studies?

Professors like I teach intermediate Swahili.

See These guys don't give a fuck about free speech. They care about their speech. It's so blatant hypocrisy. It's so old school Daily Show. Gotcha. I you know what, I'm just gonna put on the wig I used to wear during those.

Years because the poverty is just so.

Here's Donald Trump on those who would criticize judges that he has appointed a lot of.

The judges that I had.

If you look at them, they take tremendous abuse, and it's truly interference my opinion, and it should be illegal, and it probably is illegal in some form.

Yes, criticizing judges, it is interference.

It should be illegal, tremendous abuse. And four days later, not four days later, not a full French work week later.

Or President Donald Trump just took a true social and deemed this judge. Responding to this decision here, calling him a radical left lunatic of a judge, a troublemaker and agitator who was sadly appointed by Barack Hussein Obama, he says this judge should be impeached.

The bocerus.

It is, and are we really still doing the Barack.

Hussein Obama thing?

Oh free HARAMBEI come on baby, See what was the whole thing that they hated about the left on free speech?

No one has saved from the left's word police.

No one what exactly would actual government run word police organization look like.

The Trump administration is actively trying to purge the federal government of so called woke initiatives. Government agencies have flag hundreds of words to limit or avoid words like DEI, bipoc, anti racism, Latin X, Native American black women, seemingly random words like expression at risk, political and even mental health, and sex.

What's left.

Bipocking LATINX. I get that you're not allowed to say sex. You can't say words like women or sex or hashtag meet too. How can a lot of your cabinet members describe their weekends?

You know?

You can't protest in a way that you can't protest in a way that offends the right. You can't teach things that the right doesn't want you to teach. You can't read things that they don't want you to read. You can't use words that they don't want you to use.

But they love free speech. I guess fear not at least will always have art.

President Trump demanding a painting of him be removed because he finds it unflattering.

He's demanding they take it down because he believes this picture is unflattering, Which really makes you think.

Do you think other pictures of you are flattering?

At least in the painting they blended the foundation into your Hairin You're gonna check in with our good friend Democracy. Gonna give him the old turn your head and cough.

How's democracy doing.

In some of his strongest comments yet, President Trump says he's considering his options to serve a third term in office, a breach of the Constitution's two term limit for presidents.

I'm sorry considering the option. God, what are you trying to order off menu from the Constitution? Oh? Yeah, you gotta have what do you got two terms? Here?

But can I get it animal style? What are you gonna do with the third terminal? How does that work?

Exactly?

In a phone call with NBC, Trump saying, quote, there are methods which you could do it, including possibly urging his Vice president J. D. Vance to run and then seed power back to Trump. The president saying that's one method, but that there are others too.

Yes, there are other methods that you tried one a few years ago. There are other methods for staying in power beyond when you are legally allowed to be there. Historically, some of them involve catapults, although maybe Trump has something more creative in mind with the dvanced thing.

Have you guys heard of the movie Face Off. Yeah, so here's what's gonna work.

Trump will watch that movie as the military seeses his power. I'm sure wit for Chuck Schumer will say I will allow it because in the third term, we think is popularity down to.

The second Trump administration is off to a roaring start if you don't count the economy, inflation, rampant corruption, cyber bullying of ally nations, and we're all going to die of measles. So it makes sense that on Sunday he said he's considering running for a third term. But of course the liberal media is freeking out new fallout after President Trump did not rule out the possibility of a third term.

A move that would require breaching the two term limit outlined in the constitution.

Care like method with the resident used to potentially run for.

A third time.

Look, you guys continue to ask the president this question about a third term, and then he answers honestly and candidly with a smile, and then everybody here melts down about his answer.

Yeah right, oh right, Obviously this is the media's fault. Okay, if they ask the president a question, of course he's going to give you a deranged answer.

He's the president. What do you expect him to say?

No, I'm constitutionally barred from running again.

Come on, the guy's just having a good time his fellow Republicans.

No, nobody gets comedy like the Republicans.

Don't you think he's probably controlling.

I think he's probably having some fun with it, probably messing with him.

This is a president who loves to give a snake in a can to a media just to watch them open it, and he's doing that. This is another jump scare that has just lit up the internet.

Yeah, guys, reless, the president of the most powerful nation in the world is just he's.

In his Dennis the Menace phase. The point is everybody knows he's joking. Trump isn't serious about a potential third term.

Trump insisted he was serious about a potential third term.

Trump said, I'm not joking.

I'm not joking.

No, No, that can mean anything. That can mean anything.

Look, the truth is Trump doesn't really joke so much as he jokes, right the same way that guys joke to their wives about having a threesome. You know, that would be so wild. Obviously we never do that. I mean definitely not with my coworker Cindy. That you said was pretty ones And I'm sure she's open to stuff because her nose is pierced. That would be so hilarious, right, or or would it be sexy?

Personally?

I'm not freaking out that Trump is going to defy the Constitution because he's already been doing it for weeks now. ICE has been rounding up any immigrant who they suspect is a member of the Venezuelan gang train, the Arragua, or as Trump pronounces.

It, trendy arguay.

We been signor presidente. But this week we found out that instead of sending these suspects to a trial or hearing you know, all the due process shit in the Constitution, the ICE agents just fill out a checklist on the suspect, and if the suspects scores an eight or more, they get deported to an l Salvadorian prison. Look, look, I'm not a legal expert, but I'd rather not be sentenced to life in a foreign prison with the same checklist system that Cosmo uses to decide if I'm good girl hot.

Or bad girl hot.

By the way, I'm bad girl hot.

Who and reading through the checklist doesn't make me feel any better either. You get points just for having a tattoo of a star, or a clock or the Michael Jordan logo. It doesn't even have to be a tattoo. You could just get points for wearing a bull's jersey. So have fun in prison, Hannah Montana if that's even.

Your real name.

But hey, I'm sure the famously detail oriented Trump administration isn't going to deport people without making sure they're hardened criminals, right right, right?

The Trump administration now admitting that a Maryland father from El Salvador was mistakenly deported to a super prison. Government lawyers just confirmed that the man who was granted protected status in twenty nineteen was deported due to quote an administrative error.

Oopsie, doopsie, I get a poopsie. Could it be that the geniuses who added Jeffrey Goldberg to the strike team group chat aren't great at identifying the correct people?

If only there is a way that they could.

Have presented this suspect before another person, someone who I don't know, and I'm just spitballing, maybe could have judged whether or not the person could have been deported. Maybe that person I don't know could be behind a tall desk and they hold a stick and with a robe, and they're federally appointed, and they say things like another, do ui, mister Costa, I'd put you in prison, but you're too bad girl, hot Na, no no, no, let's just let's just do another checklist.

Thank you for that. But hey, hey, hey, no harm, no foul. We can just get that guy back on the next flight, right right right. But here's the thing.

The administration argues he can't be brought back because now he's an L. Salvador's custody.

Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, what are you talking about. We can't get one person out of a prison that we sent to that prison. Jd Vance is out there calling dibbs on rare earth minerals underneath Greenland and Ukraine.

But with El Salvador, suddenly they're like, hey, sorry, no Ablo espanel Trump, don't you speak Spanish?

Trendy arguys.

Seeing all these constitutional crises pile up. It makes me wonder what sort of evil machinations Donald Trump is plotting inside the Oval office right now.

A friend of mine, Kid Rock, sometimes referred to as Bob. I know hims Bob, but he's been a good friend for a long time, many years, and he's been after something that is for the good of a lot of people.

Oh, mister President, I don't mean to alarm you, but the guy next to you, he's scoring a lot of points on that checklist right now. Well, Democrats were congratulating themselves for their bladder control. Donald Trump was shitting out a new holiday, a big.

Day for the country.

President Trump calling it Liberation Day.

Liberation Day, Liberation Day. The world is watching, right, Liberation Day. That sounds like the fake holiday your friends make up after you get dumped. You know, no man, no man who needs that beautiful, smart, independently wealthy woman in your life when you could die alone.

This is your liberation day, bro, But actually, what is it? Our breaking news?

Just moments ago President Trump officially announcing widespread what he calls reciprocal tariffs at least ten percent on practically all goods coming into the United States.

My fellow Americans.

This is Liberation Day.

April second, twenty twenty five, will forever be remembered as today American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed.

Okay, so Liberation Day is just the day that Trump announced new tariffs. I kind of doubt this day we remembered for all of history. But if you give me a day off from work, you can call whatever you want. To be honest with you, now you might be thinking, what am I even being liberated from the ability to afford goods and services? Yes, but what Trump is hoping

I feel like in some ways in the economy, this is kind of like a kitchen remodel or a bathroom model.

There's a bit of a mess at the beginning, but everybody has a long term look of where we're headed.

I mean, if you're going to remodel your house to make it better at the end, it's going to be really annoying in the short term when your house is getting remodeled and there's drywall desk everywhere, and there's workers in your living room. The reality is that remodel has got to happen in order to make things stronger and more stable on the back end.

Great, it's like a home remodel.

I feel much better about tariffs now that you compare it to something famous for costing people way more than they ever expected. Nobody, nobody likes a remodel, and they especially don't like the people in charge of the remodel. Even the homeowners who hire Jesus to be their carpenter hated him.

Persually going out for another walk on water. I'm gonna kill that guy.

Well, look, guys, whether you like it or not, Republicans don't want to hear your bitching because we all knew this was coming.

It's gonna be a rocky road, and Trump has admitted that.

Trump has acknowledge that there will be some minor inflationary aspect of.

That as he begins to realign the economy to put America first. Everybody knows, and when they voted in November of twenty twenty four, they knew that's what they were voting for.

Yeah, that's right, voters.

You can belly ache all you want, but we all knew what we were voting for. Trump was very honest during the campaign that tariffs would drive prices higher, right, right, right.

You want to impose a ten percent tariff on all goods coming into the US. How will you ensure that that doesn't drive prices even higher?

Not going to drive them higher?

Do you believe Americans can afford higher prices because of tariffs?

They're not going to have higher prices?

Okay, okay, technically he said prices wouldn't go up, but in his defense, he was lying, and you should have known that.

So that's on you. But you know what, yeah, perfect.

Some people at Fox News would like to know why you're so obsessed with your money in the first place.

Huh.

There are some things more important than money, and the president's trying to tell Americans, you know, there may be a little suffering going on here.

It's a little volatile right now, but people have been very happy and very enthusiastic since the administration was inaugurated.

Look, I wouldn't watch the stock market every hour every day.

I really hope that somehow the average person out there can separate themselves in their mindset from Wall Street.

You know, don't let don't get fooled by what's happening in the stock market. Yeah, yeah, making money isn't everything. Take it from the guy hosting the show called Making Money yesterday, Donald Trump are now sweeping tariffs across the entire globe, Asia, South America, Narnia, Arndale, Wakanda, Bachelor Nation, if you can imagine it, Trump slapped a terrif on it.

And today the reviews came in.

Carnage on Wall Street. Market's falling, tumbling.

Stocks plunging down, down downs.

The nasac's getting crushed, small caps are getting crushed.

This is a shock to the system.

It is ugly out there and worse than worst case scenario.

Stocks are getting slashed and burned.

Two and a half trillion dollars vaporized, two.

Point five trillion dollars vaporized, your kid's college fund, disintegrated, your four oh one k, given the death penalty, your pension waterboard in Guantanamo. Those stocks your nana gave you twenty years ago, accidentally stepped in a landmine while vacationing in Vietnam. Economists say we could be on the verge of a recession, so things are looking scary right now,

We have heard from President Trump. He took the truth social wrote this. The operation is over, the patient lived and is healing. The prognosis is that the patient will be far stronger, bigger, better, and more resilient than ever before.

Boy, I feel so much better now, you know.

I mean you.

Always reassuring when the surgeon comes out screaming at the top of as lung as.

The patient is fine, Everything is going great. Does anybody have a mob? The thing is, the patient didn't need major surgery. We just needed a teeth cleaning. Keep it clean and shiny.

No one wants to wake up from heart surgery to their dental hygiena shouting.

I think he's gonna live.

Also, the patient is gonna be bigger. Was the surgery a penis and hand?

If so, what kind was it?

Latex injections, scrotoplasty, ligament extension, ventral fallow plasty, a fat transfer to enhanced skirt.

I mean, I think those are the options. I don't know now.

Look, you could argue that it's bad that my retired seventy eight year old mom is polishing up her resume now. But to Donald Trump, it's all worth it because we're correcting a grave injustice.

President Trump says, the higher penalties come and respond to tariff's those countries impose on American products they import reciprocal.

That means they do it to us and we do it to them. Very simple. Yeah, it's very simple, and that it is simply not true, all right.

The reality, the reality is that the numbers on his board are not the tariffs other countries are charging us. They're actually they actually represent the trade deficit between the US and those countries, meaning we buy more stuff from them than they buy from us.

I'm just gonna repeat this. Those numbers don't represent the tariffs.

They represent that we buy more stuff from them than they buy from us. That means we're basically punishing other countries for selling us stuff that we want. This is like me going to John Varvados and beating the shit out of him because I like his socks. Why don't you ever buy my socks? John Barbados, I don't make any socks, but that's no excuse. But that's really what's going on. It's not actually about tariffs. It's about other

I mean European Union won't take chicken from America.

They won't take lobsters from America.

They hate our beef because our beef is beautiful and theirs is weak.

It's unbelievable they won't. We can't sell quod warned to India. We can't sell rice to Asia.

Yeah, yeah, although I'm not sure tariffs for the reason we can't sell rice to Asia. I think they figured rice out about ten thousand years ago.

Now if they want to add a rony, well then let us know.

You got that figured out.

By the way, Europe's beef is week, I'm sure that's not true. They famously have a running from the beef event where the beef tramples people. You know what, I'm not too concerned about Donald Trump not understanding how his tariffs works, because he's Donald Trump.

He doesn't understand how to make money running a casino.

The important thing is that there are adults in the room, like Scott Besson Treasury Secretary in college Dan who understands that boys will be boys.

That guy's going to have the answers we need.

What do you expect this star market to look like when it opens tomorrow? In reaction to this, I don't know should we view these as permanent.

Again? I think we're going to wait and see how this plays out. Do you plan on having negotiations before that date? I just don't know if they're going to be negotiations. Canada and Mexico notably missing on that chart.

Why is that?

I'm not sure you know. I have a question.

Do you know anything?

Why are you out here doing interviews? It's not very.

Reassuring to have the Treasury Secretary of the United States going, oh, you know what, maybe they can't give us clarification because there isn't clarification. We just assume they have a good reason for imploding the economy, because why else would you implode the economy. But then you uncover something like this and you realize, I'm not sure they even know what they're doing.

Every country on the list faces at least ten percent tariffs, Even small remote place like the Herd and McDonald Islands. They are near Antarctica and covered in glaciers, home to many penguins but no people.

Yeah, yeah, we put a ten percent tariff. We put a ten percent tariff on an island that only has penguins. Trump would have been better off tariffing that island Tom Hanks got stranded on. At least it had one guy in that little volleyball he was faking.

Is this a mistake? Look?

I know old people butt dial strangers all the time, but this is the first time I've heard of someone butt tariffying an entire country.

I remember when Donald Trump was re elected. Wall Street still excited about deregulation, tax cuts, and the fact.

That you could once again call people sugar tits.

One top banker told the paper that he feels liberated because now he can use offensive slow like the R word and a P word without fear of getting canceled at work.

Hmmm, the hard word and the pee what.

Well, I can tell you today that that top banker is definitely using both of those words, perhaps even adding motherfucker.

Right now, the market meltdown for the third straight day.

The global markets are sinking.

Markets across Asia, Europe and Australia plunging.

At one point this morning, the now sinking almost sixteen hundred points.

The market's lost more than six and a half trillion dollars in value.

This is an economic army.

Geddon, where's a Hawaiian shirt to an economic arm I don't know what are we doing here, but they pull you in from the pool. Either financial Channel's Rodney danger failed or I told my wife about the stock plunge. She said, Oh, I thought you guys.

Would never go down there.

No, no, I don't mean I haven't done that one in a while.

This turmoil could have lasting effects on the global economy, on everyday Americans, and most worryingly, the stock portfolios of members of Congress.

Mister President, now is the time to soothe a worried nation.

Donald Trump put this out on social media.

Don't be weak, don't be stupid, don't be a pannikin which he has termed a new party based on weak and stupid people.

Panican, the genius who gave us classics like Sleepy Joe and Crooked Hillary, just shit out. You're a Panican? How about hysterocrats? Repusicans? How about Crianologists? Did the overseas factory you had been sourcing your nicknames from get shut down during the tireport. So we're going to try this again, mister president, can you ease the fears of this nation like a true leader?

President trumpolding firm posting on true social only the week will fail.

What are you doing?

Your economic policy has the same tagline as season three of squid Game. It's supposed to make us feel better, Only the whipshaw died in my economy.

By the way.

In case you didn't get the point that he didn't give, he spent the weekend showing, not telling.

He played not a round of golf this weekend.

A tournament of golf, a three day tournament, eight one hundred and twelve holes of golf with his live golf Saudi benefactors. And in case you're wondering about the venerated journalists who are now allowed to be in the press pool, this was literally the first question he was asked on Air Force one in the middle of a financial meltdown.

Very good because it won.

It's good to win. You heard I won?

Right?

Did you hear it here?

Because I won? You heard I won? You heard I won? I won? You heard I won?

I won?

Mom?

Mom?

I won?

Mom?

I won the tournament. Mom, I'm a good boy, good boy, good golf.

I know the stock market is not the totality of the economy, but if I remember correctly, in the run up to the election, Trump seems very concerned about the stock market.

If Harris wins this election, the result will be a Kamala economic crash, a nineteen twenty nine style depression.

And anything she can do, I can do better.

I can do it on my own.

I won.

Mom, Hey mom, Hey mom, Look, hey mom, look, no economy, please love me.

And it didn't have to happen like this.

Trump had so many options to shape the world economy into the one he thought was fairer. He could have proposed some incentives to bring back manufacturing. He could have gone sector to sector, nation to nation negotiate better trade reciprocal agreements.

But he had to go to full TERISA.

Not to be fair, to be fair, to be fair to the Trump administration, they did give it almost two months and no effort before they asked chat GPT what it thought they should do. But for those of us who've been tricked into believing that an economic crisis is a crisis, Trump's people have an answer.

Don't panic, Calm down, Everything is going to be okay. I would not worry at all.

The DAW is actually in the same place it was in August.

Do me a favor. Don't look at your stock portfolio. You know what, I don't really care about my four oh one k.

Lame blave love.

That's what I was saying. You know what I say, don't you? It's four oh one k somewhere.

It's been one week since Donald Trump announced his bold vision for destroying the economy, and guess what his plan is working.

After another chaotic day on Wall Street, America's CEOs are sounding the alarm.

Most CEOs I talked to I would say, we are probably in a recession right now.

A new CNBC survey showing those concerns are widespread, with sixty nine of CEOs expecting a recession and eighty two percent expecting resurgent inflation.

This is a snapshot of the Dow since President Trump's inauguration, after dropping more than fifteen percent since it's record high, putting it into correction territory.

I'm not an economist, but it's probably a bad sign when the chart itself looks like it jumped off the roof.

Look at that drop.

Six flags is going to make a rollercoaster of that. Mom, I want to ride the Dow Jones. We can't afford it. So the economy is incredibly unstable right now. The only upside is that this crash is much easier to understand than the two thousand and eight one. Remember the big short where they had to have Margot Robbie explain it in a bathtub.

Here's how that would go today.

Trump did it.

Thanks Margo, thank you.

So the Resident may have single handedly tipped us into a global recession, and with so much uncertainty, the world is glued to the financial news networks, who are surely focusing on this story. Twenty four to seven, right Fox Business.

The President welcomes the World Series Champions, the Los Angeles Dodgist of the White House.

He was funny, he was entertaining.

Yes, that's definitely the big story. The President made new friends today. So yes, economists are afraid that we're headed into a recession, but don't worry. Things could still improve quickly as long as Trump de escalates.

Soon, President Trump escalates his trade war with more threats against China.

President Trump is now promising a new fifty percent tariff on China on top of the other new tariffs which are on top of existing tariffs. Combine, this would make US tariffs on imports from China a whopping one hundred and four percent.

One hundred and four percent tariffs. Okay, this is getting really serious. We'll know exactly how serious once we asked China to do the.

Math for us. But point is, Trump is out of control right now.

I'd say he's like a bull in a China shop, but at one hundred and four percent, I can't afford to say that. It's really starting to feel like the entire world is teetering on the brink of chaos. It's honestly impossible to report on literally anything else right now. Right Fox News a woman's pool championship in the UK with no women in the final round after two transgender players defeated their female opponents to face off for the title. No,

The day has finally arrived.

It is eleven fifty nine and forty eight seconds, which means we are moments away from the President's new tariffs.

It's President Trump's long awaited tariff day.

It's reciprocal tariff day.

While the tariffs are.

Here all right. It is tariff Day.

Happy tariff day. Everyone whoa oho. It's what Trump is replacing June teeth with.

Now.

Trump is celebrated by putting tariffs on every country in the world, including one hundred and four percent on products made in China, which.

Is probably fine. I mean, how many products are made in China.

The tariff Day wasn't just celebrated here in America. Other countries got in on the fun too, swift retaliation.

Both China and the European Union are responding to President Trump's tariffs.

China has announced its own retaliatory tariffs eighty four percent on all US goods.

It isn't wort's, according to the European Union.

Almonds, orange juice, poultry, soybeans, steel and alumin them, products, tobacco, and yachts imported from the United States. Now we'll have a twenty five percent levy on them, percent on yachts.

Why don't these trade wars always have to screw over the little guy. I'll be honest, I didn't even know America made yachts. I thought the only thing we made here was NEPO babies. But this really feels like it's spiraling out of control. It seems like the smart move is to back off this whole thing. But Trump's team has been adamant that they will stay the course.

This is not a negotiation.

It's not the kind of thing you can negotiate away.

I don't think there's any chance going to that President Trump's gonna back off his tariffs.

I President made it clear yesterday this is not a negotiation. Trump posted this morning, my policies will never change. Well that's it.

Then they're in it to win it, full speed ahead, from the window to the walls.

Skate steet steet mothers. Trump's will never ever change.

This is CNN breaking news.

The President announced in just minutes ago that he's now quote authorized a ninety day pause.

On some of his new teriffs.

What the trade war's over, But it's tariff day, I.

Shaved my legs for this. Now I have to grow it all back.

But hey, at least we can buy things from China again, right, I mean Amazon Prime.

Here I come.

Notably, though, the President is raising the tariff applied to China from the United States to one hundred and twenty five percent effective immediately, So this pause applies to other countries.

Not China.

Hey, Siri, cancel one thousand air fryers. Trump, I don't understand what happened here. You tanked global stock markets, You put us on the verge of a recession. You told every want to build factories in America because the tariffs wouldn't go away, and then you took them away.

What happened? Did you just get spooked by the markets.

The ninety eight polls when there was a tariffs.

Is that because of the mclaps that we were seeing across the financial market.

No, this was his strategy all absolutely brilliant.

Move, brilliant not only economically, politically, and it was good for the American worker.

He's a negotiator in chief, he's landing the plane.

It's the Master of the deal.

I mean, you're watching the art of the deal in real time here.

Many of you in the media clearly missed the art of the deal. Uh yes, the art of the deal.

Create a global crisis and then dig yourself halfway out.

It's truly masterful. Donald.

I'm starting to think that the art of the deal is art in the way that Jackson Pollock is art. Like it looks like someone just threw a bunch of shit at the wall. But now I have to pretend like it's.

Genius and it's going to cost millions of dollars.

Come at me, abstract expressionism, hive, you know I'm right. Come on, Trump, just admit that you started a game of chicken and you got too scared to finish it.

Well, I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line.

They were getting yippie.

You know, they're getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid.

Oh okay, it's our fault. We got too scared. Sorry.

I tend to get a little yippy when my retirement plan starts to look like the elevator from the shining.

Straight down and heavy flow. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be dramatic.

But this is the worst tariff day ever. This whole trade war was launched on incoherent arguments. You stuck to your guns for incoherent reasons, and now you're pulling back for incoherent reasons.

Is there anything you can say that actually makes sense?

Noah the president would have done to what I did?

Noah the President, Well you got me there.

Five administration launched what you've called a war on showers.

Ah.

Yes, yes, the War on showers, the fight Steve Bannon has been on the front lines of his whole life. Now, most people probably didn't even realize we were in a war on showers because no one in the Biden administration ever accidentally added a reporter to the War on Showers group chat. But in all seriousness, I know the war on showers very well. Okay, my uncle actually lost his leg from stepping on a bath bomb. It's never been the same.

But luckily that war is now come to an end.

Certain regulations that basically killed the water pressure of showers and other other water appliances. With this executive order, we're effectively going to be reversing that set of regulations.

In my case, i'd like to take a nice shower to take care of my beautiful hair, I have to stand in the shower a fifteen minutes tail.

It gets wet, it comes out, drip, drip.

It's ridiculous.

It takes fifteen minutes for your hair to get wet. Are you sure you're not standing in the pantry. The water pressure is terrible in here, and we're out of cheese. It's but if you're as big of a trump head as I am, you know that water pressure is not a new issue for him. He's been passionate about this crisis for a while.

Take a shower and water comes dripping out, is cripping out, very quietly, dripping out seats. Right, you take a shower, the water doesn't come out. It's the shower, it's the sink. And you know the third element in the bathroom. People have to flush their toilet fifteen times.

Ten times, right, ten times. Turn on the shower, ding, ding, It does.

Drip, drip, drip, drip.

Please come out the water, Come on, water, come out, baby, Oh, come.

Out, baby, Please come out, come out for daddy.

Has he ever said anything more embarrassing?

I'm gonna come stop doing that. Stop it.

Chilmar Abrago Garcia, undocumented migrant from El Salvador married an American woman, has a kid living the American dream until the Trump administration sent him to an El Salvador in mega prison. Buy and I'm quoting the Justice Department here, if I may, is an administrative error. If only there was a convenient and timely way that the prisoner could be brought back to the United States, that wouldn't really inconvenience either nation.

President Bukelly at the moment, flying from El Salvador to Washington, d C.

What Saints be praised? Bo Kelly can just give Garcia a ride. You don't even have to give Garcia the middle seat. I'm sure Garcia would just grab the wing and Tom cruise it over here if he had to. But sadly, Kelly arrived at the White House with just the Miami Club promoter clothes on his back.

And a pocket full of excuses. You can, President bo Kelly, weigh in on this.

Do you plan to return him?

Oh?

Can I some mardel of terrorist at the United States? I don't have the power to return him to the United States?

Yep.

Can I honestly tell you, like this isn't even the thing that's.

Like they're enjoying this, Like the two of them, our president, their President, We'll just have to let him rotten in a person, even though we didn't deserve to be there. I don't you guys don't care about this guy. I'm talking about these two. But somebody else cares about this person. And you just randomly, with no evidence that you'll show anybody,

You said that if the Supreme Court said someone needed to be returned, that you would abide by that.

You said that on Air Force one just a few days ago, and they said.

That, why didn't you just say, isn't it wonderful that we're keeping criminals out of our country?

Why can you to say that?

Why are you going over and over? And that's why nobody watches you anymore?

Magnagnag.

You sound just like the Supreme Court. Nag.

But fear not America.

For every time a lame stream media journalist gets shunned and ask kissing one gets its wings, do you have a question?

Thank you so much, you swort anoder major investing winds morning in India less to build its AI supercomputer the first time ever right here in the United States.

That's a question. I like, that's true.

Yeah, that's not a question. I guess it's your favorite kind of question, a compliment.

But rest of these, the Americans, if there's one thing we all know, it's that first they come for the undocumented migrants, and as long as nobody speaks out, they stop.

You mentioned that you're open to supporting uh individuals that aren't foreign aliens by criminals to Al Salvador. Does that include potentially US citizens fully naturalizing ingredient If it's a home grown criminal, I have no problem. I'm talking about really bad people, really bad people.

He's going to do that to US citizens. I think the hosts of the view were about to get administratively errord. I got to tell you, I did not think he would get this authoritarian this fast.

I really didn't.

I'm sorry.

Who could have known.

Maybe if somebody out there had yelled at me on blue Sky about this, I would have known. But no one did, except every day.

In all caps.

So I guess the question is how authoritarian is we Trump's done a lot of the standard fare. He's attacked the free press, pulled random people off the streets, made law firms and universities bend the knee, announced Department of Justice investigations into an individual whose sole crime was suggesting that the twenty twenty election had been safe and well administered.

You know, the bad, bad people.

But authoritarianism isn't just policies.

It's an aesthetic.

The opulence of medieval kings, the excesses of Middle Eastern autocrats.

It's a pinterest vibe.

That speaks to the power of one's position, the riches that are the privilege of the office.

Does Trump measure up? Does he have the lack of available wall space? Do you have the mantle and you have the cherubs from Is that from Malo? Yeah?

That's actually their gold or gold look, and you know the it's angels.

Their angels.

See, they visited me in the night and asked me to change my ways. So I held them down and dip them in gold. I drowned them in gold, liquid gold.

Have you ever heard an angel scream?

It is just.

It is erotic.

By the way, if any of you are wondering if the cherubs that are now in the Ovalholgus are real gold. And I know many of you are wondering that it is real gold, and there's a very good reason for that.

Throughout the years, people have tried to come up with a gold paint that would look like gold, and they've never been able to do it.

You've never been able to look at that look. You've never been able to match gold with gold paint. That's why it's gold. That dude is so blue collar, always down at the factory with the boys. Why can't they make a gold paint that looks like gold.

That's not a ladist.

I don't mind them canceling pediatric cancer research, but I hope the end of the time we can come up with a good gold paint substitute, because but you know, rooms filled with real gold cherubs or nothing if those rooms aren't also filled with the echoes of the most embarrassingly sycophantic hosannas one clip everybody knows it wants.

Thank you for your leadership and thank you for everything you're doing.

I want to thank you for standing up to the Chinese Communist Party.

I want to figure as well for the ship building.

Your vision is a.

Turning point and an inflection point in American history.

Your leadership at the border absolutely remarkable.

What you're doing now I think is a great service to our country but ultimately to the world.

You are overwhelmingly elected by the biggest majority.

You know what, I swear to God. Guys, what does she know? She's the attorney general. She doesn't have the fun.

When I watched those cabinet meets, I actually think, are they making fun of him?

It's so over the top, mister President, Oh, thank you so much. So, You're dick is sopic. We can barely lift it because.

It's it's it's it's covered in real gold, not the pain, real gold.

But you know, any.

Any run of the mill authoritarian can get the praises from those that fear him. The ogs, the real autocrats extract something much much weirder and humiliating.

The forced, uncomfortable laughter.

You're telling you all I got?

Would she couldn't question.

He had a hat on, and it puts another had on the same hat.

But still.

That's on the North Korean website funny or You Die. And as America's dear leader, Donald Trump also has a tight five.

We're pulling all that out and putting the money toward the infrastructure, not the social movement.

From the last administraction, the.

Good seal as supposed to green paper mache.

Thanks great job, that made nonsense right right?

Yeah?

Not good right?

They send to you? Are you even ala right? Put? It's just so fucking weird.

But the key to the authoritarian regime is the suspension of the normal processes by which you understand the world, the matter by which data and your experiences paint a cohesive, grounded picture of reality.

The calling card of an authoritarian regime.

Is that you must suspend that reality, that rationality, and then you test people by pushing the limits of that absurdity.

The White House release the results of President Trump's physical exam.

His doctor says President Trump exhibits excellent physical health.

The report says he's six', three two hundred and twenty four.

Pounds, No i'm gonna say no to either of those. NUMBERS i don't want to be that, guide.

Bud he has a front. BUTTON i, mean we all get. There it's, fine you can have. It but what's what he is forged? By he festus. No and by the, way that medical exam did not only confirm That trump is physically. Perfect his brain is also totally.

Jacked AND i took it a cognitive, test AND i don't.

KNOW i wanted to tell you THEN i got every, answer. Right we're gonna tell us about the talkative? Test is that An emian person who came OUR. Tv i'd, SAY i think it's a pretty well known.

Test whatever it, IS i got, EVERYONE i got it all.

RIGHT i think we all know what cognitive tests we're talking.

About BUT i would like to.

Know do you know what's? BULGING i took a cognitive test about my?

Memory what was it he's.

Testing it's been five days since they Told Donald trump to help bring Back Kilmar garcia after, they you, know accidentally deported him to the mega prison In El, salvador and it doesn't seem like anyone's in a rush to bring him.

Back The german administration says it cannot return a Marilynd man mistakenly deported To El. Salvador trump official to argue that Since Abrigo garcia is locked inside a prison In El, salvador it's essentially not their problem anymore and they can't do anything about.

It but yesterday at The White, house Bou kelly said he didn't have the authority to Release garcia.

EITHER i don't have the power to return him to The United.

States this is like every customer service Call i've ever been. On, Oh i'm, sorry this is. Billing you're looking for technical. Support let me transfer. You, hello this is technical. Support oh, sorry you need? Billing can someone just help me cancel my cable accept For Company, central which is a vital service For american. Society but The trump administration isn't just enjoying the fun new constitutional.

Loophole they're also going on.

Offense that's Why Stephen, miller trump advisor And multiversu's most whiney Lex, luthor was also on the, driveway asking questions he did not want the answer. To can anyone here tell me what would happen to the Illegal alien form Mel sabor if he came back from that?

Stance does anyone here? Now do anyone want to? Guess any of you you could be with his? Family what did do any of you know the answer to the?

Question?

Legally what would happen if he came back?

Here so any of you know?

Anything do you really do believe Court i'm talking you really believe? That Before i'm talking, though doesn't think?

Guitarian why was?

It Unaw you're.

Done you asked the, question, man you can't be mad they're trying to answer.

You it's like if a teacher, said, okay, class who can tell me the capital Of?

Norway?

Anyone? Anyone shut the fuck?

Up now answer a. QUESTION i, said shut.

Up but it's not Just Steven.

Miller the Entire trump administration is getting frustrated with how these dumb libs are winding.

Out this one guy From. Maryland, oh it's so.

Awful we accidentally sent a guy to the Wolves wall's prison without trial or due. Process shut the fuck, up, okay because according.

To Whole land, security he wasn't that.

Great the media would love for you to believe that this is a media, darling that he's just A maryland. Father, Well osama Bin laden was also a, father and yet he wasn't a good, guy and they actually are both.

Terrorists this tween influencer is.

Right it's the position of this administration that all fathers are Basically osama Bin. LAUDEN i, mean, seriously this guy has no criminal record at. All if he's a, terrorist he might be the worst terrorist. EVER i, mean he's been In america for fourteen years and hasn't done any, Terrorism so Maybe trump is, Right maybe immigrants really are.

Lazy what, like what is happening? Here, okay this Is.

America we don't just send someone to prison without. Evidence we plan the evidence on. Them it's called due. Process other people are starting to fight, back wicked.

HAD a showdown is now taking shape between The trump administration And america's oldest, university the federal government announcing it will freeze more than two billion dollars in grants For harvard and sixty million dollars in contracts after the school refused to comply with demands to limit activism on, campus eliminate ITS dei, programs and make other.

Changes holy, shit we finally found a force more powerful Than trump's, Hatred hovard's love of sending rejection. Letters but, LOOK i don't usually root For harvard because The Harvard they've got. Everything it's like rooting For Jeff bezos to win the. Lottery but in this CASE i have to give them credit standing up for their principles and for everyone's right to free, speech even if it means possible financial.

Ruin one of the big questions going.

Forward Is harvard going to get into that fifty billion dollar plus endowment to make up for that federal?

Shortfall, OKAY i hate them.

Again but the best part About havard's resistance To Don trump is that it gives people the chance to go ON tv and let you know where they went to.

SCHOOL i myself in a first generation college. GRADUATE i graduated From, harvard AND.

I should DISCLOSE i went To, harvard So i'm very familiar with the president and with how the community feels right.

Now but As.

Harvard, alum and you KNOW i am as.

WELL i know many, alums including PEOPLE i know very closely in members like.

ME i, know you look really surprised Because i'm wearing a tie you've never seen. Before it has it has a Little latin word inside each one of those symbols there the word, veritas meaning truth of. Course and this is the one night it's a one night only appearance of this.

TIME i know that that is not something that you usually build board in the world about.

Yourself Oh, god the only thing was that people bragging you about going To howard is people pretending to be embarrassed about going To.

Harvard so, oh my doctors. Secret please don't make me tell. Anyone. Please, NO i went To Harvard harvard Ha.

Havard havard explore more shows from The Daily show podcast universe by Searching The Daily show wherever you get your. Podcasts Watch The Daily show week nights at eleven Ten central On Comedy, central and streamful episodes anytime On paramount Plus

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