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This is the Daily Show with John Stewart.
All right, welcome to show. How about how it's to say? Let's you say thanks for John? You say thank you?
Okay, Hey, my name is John Stewart.
Welcome to the telego. Thank you so much.
I don't know what's gotten into everybody. Did you guys hear it looks like the Mets in the Tampa Bay Rays are and.
They're in some trade talks. Oh, by the way, do you guys hear about this?
Can I tell you the craziest thing about what's going on in New York today? It's the weirdest feeling on the streets today. There's this thing going on that I haven't seen before. It's called eye contact. As you walk the streets of New York City, people are making eye contact and they're nodding and smiling. What is this the eighteen hundreds people, there's a weird time. I'm literally afraid that someone on the street is going to invite me over for pie. It's this weird spirit of something or
other that's going on. I don't I don't care for it, you know what, Yes you can, but no, I don't have to.
Now.
Tonight's guest is Chris Wallace. We're very excited about that. Chris Wallace will be joining us. He's the fellow who puts the news in Fox News. It's somebody's got to They've got plenty of Fox. Really an historic night last night.
You may have heard.
Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. Sorry, Nixon, releasing one self produced rap album doesn't make you black.
I'm not a crook, yo. I'm not a crook yo, all right.
Obama's also the first Democrat to receive more than fifty percent of the votes since Jimmy Carter, the first Senator to.
Be elected to the White House since John F. Kennedy. Muslim to be, I've said too much.
As soon as the results were final, Barack Obama received a congratulatory call from still President Bush, who told him, quote, what an awesome night for you, Laura, and I called to congratulate you and your good bride. I could have just said wife, but this being an official statement and all, I figured I'd make it weird anyway, y'all should come over to my family building at food eating time, we'd hang out the word trade. Oh oh, Bush impression. I'll miss you the most.
You know what I'm gonna do.
I gotta work on my Obama. All right, I'm gonna work on my Obama. Are you ready?
Here we go? Yes, we can't. I've only had a day.
Last night, Barack Obama won the popular vote by a margin of fifty six percent and currently an electoral vote by three hundred and sixty four to seventy three, basically a six per A six percent popular vote victory translates into a two to one electoral college drubbing, proving once again that the electoral college makes perfect sense.
It's as sound as it was.
When that shipload of mentally defective orangutans washed ashore and designed it.
But, of course, along.
With the ooh, put that thing away right, turn Clyde, along with the electoral college, the big star of the night, with the news networks and their magnificent technology for twenty four hour news channels, election night is Christmas, Honka and your parents getting divorced all at once.
In other words, toys.
So on a night that actually needed no jazzing up, there were a few sites that made you ask in our new segment, why.
We begin with MSNBC where.
Why was Chuck Todd descending in the madness while addressing the Imperial Senate. Why was Ann Curry trapped with the magic graft tundus floor mounted info tubes? And why are those guys painting a map on an ice skating rink? And now to make Indiana blue for the first time since nineteen seventy six, Christie, I'm a goosie, but above all, CNN, why.
I'm likely to watch what we're about to do, as you've never seen anything like this on television. Hi Love, all right, big round of applause?
We did it.
There she has Jessica, Yellen, I know you're in Chicago, but we've done something a hologram.
We've beamed you in.
Yeah, Jessica, we could have had your image crystal clear on one of those ten foot high HD plasma screens we have all around the studio. But I like this weird, unbelievably distracting Mortal combat video game thing we decided to do. But of course that technology did come in handy later with an exclusive interview they had with Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
A thousand miles away, but it looks like you're right here.
Tell us what's going on in Chicago right now? Are you Sah Conna? Are you Sarah Connach?
But you know we mock these technological advances, they are actually very useful in election analysis.
Show us quickly why we haven't called Pennsylvania yet because we don't have any votes, as.
I have just shown you with across the country.
In Grant Park, Chicago, Barack Obama took the stage before a quarter of a million delirious supporters and Oprah Winfrey, who had actually purchased this white man to lean on during the speech. Everybody, look under your chairs. You get a white gotta lean on. You get a white gotta lean on. You got a white gotta lean on. Finally, finally, victorious, Barack Obama delivered the latest greatest speech of his life, making sure.
To acknowledge those who had helped him along the way.
And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years.
The rock of our family, the love of my life. Ladies and gentlemen, William Ayers, check it. How are we gonna make this money.
During his speech, Barack Obama singled out a specific voter he had met to reaffirm the significance of the evening.
An Nixon Cooper is one hundred and six years old. She was born just a generation past slavery.
She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and this year, in this election, she touched her finger to.
A screen and cast her vote. To this she touched a toaster oven. We told her she had voted. Ah, she's very old and a McCain supporter. We didn't want her to vote. Jason Jones was in Chicago for this beach. Quite a moving story about Ann.
Mixing people, all that she had seen.
In her life, all the changes that she had seen in America in her life.
It was very moving, it was John.
But let's not forget about another group who never thought they'd lived to see this day. I'm talking, of course, about elderly, unrepentant racists. Racists like ninety eight year old Billy Ray Chambliss, the grandson of a plantation owner, who's seen so so much baseball ruined by Jackie Robinson Rosa Parks taking the prestige and joy out.
Of bus travel.
Arnold and willis destroying the Drummond family.
What you're talking what you're talking about, Jason.
Well, misters, I'm talking about people who, despite their lack of education and accomplishments, still hold on to the idea that they are the clearly superior race. Yes, mister Chambliss never thought he'd lived to see this.
Day, didn't want to and quite frankly shouldn't have.
What was mister Chambers's reaction, Well, he's been hearing this news.
He actually doesn't know yet, not much of a reader. And last night he was watching a Dealer no Deal marathon or is he likes to call it the Pretty Girl's Suitcase Show. But I can tell you he was really really pissed off. A black guy won that too. Thank you very much, Jason, thank you. We'll be right back.
Right aback. In the program, Senator Barack Obama.
Speech was heard by millions, but the speech on special meeting two of its youngest listeners, Sasha and.
Malia, I love you both more than you can imagine, and you have earned the new.
Puppy that's coming with us to the White House. Wow. That is so weird. That is the same deal I had with my father. You will get a.
Dog when I become President of the United States. Yeah, of course, the search for a new White House pet can mean only one thing. This is set to be a long, hard thought contest. Who is set to be America's first pooch? Come January? For more, we go to John Oliver on the campaign trail.
John, who is in the running is mister Jingles.
He is a dog and that mister Jingles threw his collar into the ring early this morning on his walkies. Now, just a little about what mister Jingles might bring to the White House. And he's running very much on a pro biscuit anti bath platform. When it comes to the Rose Garden, hit dig, Baby Dig.
That's a decent candidate right there. Who else is running? Who else? Who else is going to be going there? Because that's clearly a very strong contender, is there?
John?
We also have Buster here tuaa Well, that is true, there has never been a Chihuahua in the White House. Is a miracle ready for a dog?
Log Buster?
That's hard to say. We'll have to wait and see. But what we must remember is all these candidates have been thoroughly vetted.
Betty.
You get it.
You get it because he's a dog.
You get it.
I don't see you smiling, John, Yeah, no I'm not.
I'm not smiling to get it only because I didn't. Yeah no, I'm not smiling right now. Didn't seem well, who is that?
Who is that? Right?
There is mittens and lots of people have been talking about her.
But that's a cat, John, that's a She's a maverick.
And pay no attention to the Jewi cola. She's already said that she's going to donate it towards Kendal at the end of the campaign. Besides, look at her. She had a litter just five weeks ago. You couldn't tell this is more sexy cats.
Well, thank you, John Oliver.
It looks like it'll be a perfectly spirited contest.
Is that you're you're you're not smiling? Uh? Well, thank you very much, John Oliver. Great, report what I got tonight. Here's the host of Fox News Sunday.
Please welcome back to the program, Chris Wallace.
How are you?
I am great?
And I want to say in the celebration of the Obama victory, because I know you're gonna make jokes about Fox News or not about Obama. In the effort to bring us all together, I have brought you a present.
It is very exciting.
I have brought you a present. Yes, because what happened.
Just give me the present.
As a little build up last night, Carl Rowe who came to the Fox News set with cookies, cookies in the shape of a little Fox News Can somebody come in close widescreen TV?
There you go, and I'm giving you.
And it's interesting because he gave me two, but he said this one specifically give to John Stewart.
So John, eat the cookie.
Let me tell you something, Let me tell you something, Let me tell you why I'll eat it. Carl Rove can't hurt me anymore. Wow, Paul, cookies.
I'm just counting until it takes a fact three.
To free markets. Capitalism is the only way to go. We must keep America safe. The Democrats cannot do that. The cookies were exactly.
Is it?
Is it?
What's going on over there? To How long? Do you?
Said?
Shiva? I thought, can I tell you something? I have to say this yourself?
Shep Smith Uhi, go on, you're gonna get me in trouble.
If you and you and.
Shep Smith both have your moments, We're all very happy, except for Sean Hannity, who's too busy in the bathroom crying.
Oh.
I felt so badly for him. And the last week blessed their hearts. They tried so hard. I mean, I mean the network, not not you.
Akorn was a legitimate story.
Let me tell you this is there's a little just a little companion of like the last two days on Fox News, very good.
Guy Obama and friends, the history of radicalism. Now tonight we are bringing you an entire hour of Barack Obama's questionable relationships.
Well Center Obama deliberately bankrupt the coal industry if he becomes president.
This Rashid khalidi uh send off that Barack Obama gave.
We are just hours away from election day and the Reverend Jeremiah Wright is back in the news at.
Eleven o'clock this morning.
What we're going to find out is whether or not his half hand is registered to vote.
Oh my god, because if she is, that would be embarrassing.
Me.
Honestly believe that you only saw only on Fox News.
No, it is what what happens now to Fox News. Do they lose their chairmanships? What what happens?
Are are you what happens to their belief in executive power, in executive privilege?
How do they what's gonna happen? What what's gonna happen? Is it gonna be? Is it gonna be hard to turn that around?
Listen, you didn't see our coverage because you and you and Stephen Colbert were crying when at eleven o'clock when they announced the president.
Imagine people having human emotions to a historic moment.
Imagine a country coming full circle from slavery, and.
That affecting me on a deeply personal level.
Coming over, coming up, I don't know, coming over here seemed like such a good idea forty five minutes ago.
You know.
Can I tell you those something? I really do appreciate what you do over there. I do worry about them because that last week they seemed there seemed to be panic in the end.
Let me just say, I worry about you. That William Aire's joke bombed. No, I'm telling you this crowd is not ready.
Oh actually, that's a good line.
I was going to say it bomb. I think that's what they're hanging to.
Is going to be a member of the Obama cabinet. Secretary of Homeland Security settle Down.
Can I tell you this though he actually gave an interview recently where he's like, look, I barely knew the guy. I don't know what to say, like he wished it did that he knew him better.
But but did you notice that he showed up at eight o'clock when everybody in the world was around the voting the Paulling book.
You think that was just an accident on Williamare's partner.
No, I think Barack probably called him like he usually does at six am and said, what are you wearing today?
And then Bill said, I'm wearing a red sweater. And then he said, are they going to keep the fair and balanced thing? Or hasn't that?
I think though, yes, of course we're going to keep it all.
Really think that Barack Obama is not going to mess up like every other politician.
But I tell you this, and this is the thing that gives me hope for the first time since I can remember, and this includes the Clintons, somebody is speaking in a manner that matches my sensory perception.
In other words, like.
For the past eight years, and even prother back in that I would walk outside and go, oh, it's sixty degrees. There's a light breeze. I could wear a light jacket. It's a lovely day. And then I'd turn on a Fox network and they'd go it's snowing, and I think, wow, that doesn't match my perceptive reality. This guy speaks, I recognize him as human.
He wears his frailty on a s Is it exciting? Are you excited?
I am, honestly, I am excited.
I mean, first of all, anybody who was a child of the civil rights movement and of the sixties, the idea that an African American to watch that family walk out there last night, and to think that is going to be the first family of the United States.
A beautiful black.
You belong in a serious photography studio, cum crazy.
And beautiful children and a handsome, strong, smart, self confident black man. I never thought I would see it in my life, and I think it's wonderful for the country. It couldn't happen anywhere else in the world completely. It would be like the French suddenly electing an Algerian as president. Now seriously it is an extraordinary thing. I hope he does great. Can I tell he probably won't, but and then we'll cover it in either way. Listen, I don't mean, I don't even think that they all mess up.
But for a second there, if I may, Yes.
You recognized a human emotion.
Look, you were welling up. Fox through Sunday or Sunday mornings on your local Fox station. Chris Wallace.
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