Pizza Passion: Jon Stewart's Infamous Pizza Takedowns

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Sarah Palin's cross country non publicity barnstorming tour of Real America continued yesterday.

On day three of Sarah Palin's one nation bus tour, she met with Donald Trump on his home turf right here in New York City.

Oh my god, she's here. She's in the house with him. Wow.

This brings up so many questions.

Whose name will they put on the vehicle they travel in?

Will they call it trailing plump? What will they call it? So Trump's showing pale in the town.

I'm sure he took her to the best of the best, some classy place like the Trump All you can Eat fueg Ra and Caviar Etheria, Trump fog Wah and Cabetheria, where you are guaranteed to contract gout.

The disease of Kings.

The two broke bread.

They went out for a slice of pizza in New York's Times Square.

Oh you know what, huh? Slice of pizza?

Respect The place is called Famous Familia Pizza.

It is in Albanian chain of pizzerias.

What famous Familiars have Fiftieth and Broadway. I mean, I'm eating there pizza's.

You know fine.

You see there a lot when I was working next door Caroline's Comedy Club.

It's a good, uh convenience pizza.

It's uh.

You know.

Back in the eighties, there weren't a lot of food options in Times Square. It was either familiar pizza or scarf pronounce some edible underwear from one of the porn shops.

And then Juliani took that option away.

You know, Donald, I.

Don't want to say anything, but if you're taking an esteemed visitor to get real New York pizza, familiars, ain't it?

Dinner was great, We had great pizza.

Wasn't that good? It was real New York pizza.

No, no, it's not unless a real, authentic New York pizza can also be found in Terminal four of the Phoenix Sky Harbrand National Airport.

It's familiar.

It's a chick and Governor Palin by the way, No disrespect, no disrespect to you.

You're a guest in our city.

We should offer you the finest that our hospitality has to offer you.

I just would have.

Thought Captain Combover could have pulled that one off. I mean, for sake, it's New York City. I mean, I hate to use this term, this.

Close to ground zero, but we're a bit of a pizza mecca. I mean, you know we got we got Lombardy's. Honestly, Lombardi's. Go down to Lombardi's.

All this pizza in town. Litter literally found that in nineteen oh five. They make their own pork saucers. You go to Grimaldi's under the Brooklyn Bridge, a brick oven, but go there early by four o'clock.

The lines out to the East River.

Totano's Coney Island, not on thin crust with sweet sauce. Are Touros on Houston Street col love and lightly charred crust.

Go to John's, Oh John's, go to the one on Bleeker. If that's full, go to the John's on the airper West Side's not the same vibe. But the pies.

Doninos on Staten Island, they got the bread crumbs.

On the bottom. Go Joe's on Carmine Street, just get a slice.

Go to Jose and Garcy donald.

Familia in Broadway.

Now I get it, I get it.

You're in a hurry.

Maybe there's security concerns. I'll forgive you this selection. I apologize it let's just go to the content of your meeting and then we'll.

Just shut up a bitch.

Love And you stack your slices, not.

With all due.

Respect, You stacked slices a pizza. The steam from the bottom of the slice is gonna make the top.

Crust set you piece.

Maybe all those years, all those years of making your hair do whatever it is that it does. You think you can go around layering any thing you want to layer and no one's gonna say anything about it.

But you cannot.

You know something, I apologize, I apologize, no disrespect, I apologize.

Let's let's continue with the meeting.

Is are you waiting it with a form?

And for.

No lah for sat donaka ah at toll dead dead bey ab diablo.

Donald Trump, why don't you just take that pork and stick it right in New York's eye?

Donald Trump? We work hard and you do this.

You disrespect us in our own house, Scato gucc You can put your name on everything. You can build your glass and gold painted buildings to.

The sky blocking out the Central Park sun.

It's fine, it's fine, but you invite an important visitor at our house to our town and eat your pizza with a fork.

Right in front of us. Hould off?

Do you k you know what?

Hey, why don't you take a Fiorea La Guardian's hat and feed it to Jodamazio's crying ghost on Liberty Island?

You son of a bix, You son of a bitch, Watch and learn, Watch and learn, for God's sakes, watch and learn.

You fold the real.

You've folding?

You falled in.

You eat it one hand, you got the other hand free? You bull up armeisan a little regno, little red pepper. Maybe you're a point of your friend.

Ago religious is n Maybe you guy you're not walking in the go ahead to take care of that.

That all right, very night?

Or maybe you just use your other hand to take and irresponsible.

Non anapkins bab it on there, or maybe a few minutes later you just throw them the cow.

You can throw them out, or you leave them on the table and go. You want to tip your tip?

What do I look like a bus boy? Hould this respect?

Actually? I was at busboys? Would my point is this?

Donald?

I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell your stories. I'm gonna tell your stories.

I'm gonna tell your story, Donald Trump, my grandparents immigrated to this country. My grandfather worked as a taxi driver in Brooklyn. My other grandfather worked as a dry cleaner

Pretend to be Italian on television. And now you have the ball stayed pizza with a fork.

You know what, based on how you with pizza, Donald, I want to see your long form birth certificate.

I don't think you were really born in Europe.

Now, the only thing this is true, the only thing anyone in New York, New Jersey, the entire tri state region is really talking about, is the ongoing fallout, the scandal involving Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, the closing the George Washington Bridge.

The new mayor of the Big Apple is dealing with a scandal of his own.

Wait what the mayor of build a Blasio scandal.

What the guy's barely been mare of in New York for two weeks. He handled a major snowstorm, he did all right there, he's already he's pushing.

For sweeping reform. He's been doing a fine job.

What sort of scandal could he possibly be involved in?

Mayor build a Blazier may not necessarily eat pizza like most New Yorkers.

You have my attention.

I mean he's a guy's like six ' ten, he's a large man. Does he eat pizzas is the other ritz crackers?

I mean, I don't foot.

So what so unless he rolls up a pie into a ball and takes it as a suppository a Grimaldi's idol.

Oh, I don't see the problem.

So the mayor stopped by first licensedmate in island this afternoon. He cut his pizza with a knife and a fork.

Breathe, Johnny, breath, Johnny.

I know what this is is nonsense.

This is a distraction a part of the liberal media from the real issue, which is Governor Christie's failure to take responsibility for his administration.

To PLAUSI you, you son of a bitch.

He's supposed to be champion in the middle class.

Two weeks into your term and we catch you eating pizza a a Trump.

And you call yourself a radical socialist. Penton just throwing ease.

Look, I understand there's a learning curve to being a mayor, but here's lesser than number one. Learn how to eat your city signature dish. If you were mayor Phildelphi, would eat a cheese steak with a knife and fork. If you were mayre of Buffalo, would you eat chicken wings with a knife and fork? If you win a mayor of Boston, would you eat clam chowder?

Would? Right?

Even there, the methods hands.

In my ancestral homeland, it is more typical to eat with a fork and knife.

I get it. I get it. You're Italian, I get it. You're Italian. Not a Jew impersonating Italian. That's nice.

You're just respecting your your native lands customs. One thing, though, were you elected the mayor of Italy? No, look out the window of the pizzeria you are currently shamer.

Look out the window.

Do you see as Sistine chapel or leaning tower piece out the window?

You don't? You see several junk yards and a tanning salon.

You know, what cause you?

It's that an island, the island that isn't shaped like a boot, It just rerounds like one. And when you're in Staten Island you eat your pizza like a disgusting savage. You're just like every other person in this city. Dona sound and say to you as your up, everyone knows you're not a real New Yorker until your shirt has at least seven sea through orange grease stages on it.

You know what I'm talking about? The Blasio.

You have a piece like this, I had a lot on it.

Oh, you had a lot of Do you have toppings? Do you have toppings?

You of all pizza, You of all people.

Are worried about holding your pizza. You with your enormous Kong hands.

You know that big wood thing that used to slide the pizza into the oven.

That thing was built after what are your hands?

I'm pretty sure at a pizza parlor that thing is called at the Blasio.

I often start with a knife and fork, but then I cross over to the American approach and pick it up when I go farther into the pizza.

You were starting with there there you being.

Over that what was this mixed martial arts. What do you mean if you started you're eating a slice of pizza, a grindou and I start out with an Italian approchest, which is the American.

Then I go with the Mongolian cheese slip.

Now you pick it up and you eat it with your.

Admittedly, your predecessor Bloomberg did not eat it with his hands. He would usually have an assistant cut it up in chewing in the feature like a baby bird.

But you're not that. You're a man of the people, he like one.

We'll be right back. Pay about have I got tonight?

His New York City's one hundred and ninth mayor, Please welcome to the program, Mayor Bill de Blasio.

So ho are you now?

I'm killing good? I just wish we had done a better job getting that snow up to the Upper East Side.

I know you'll get it up there.

You know this is since you've been mayor, it is snowed what three times times?

Yeah? I remember Bloomberg twelve years never snowed once. What.

I think he paid the right guy, That's what I'm This is what I'm talking to me. He had the money.

Has it been overwhelming?

It's NonStop it's twenty four seven is the ultimate twenty four to seven job, right. But I love this place. It's a really great place and it's endlessly fascinating to me. But I'd like to snow dand yes, I've done the snow experience. I'd like to try something else.

Now here's the thing. So you've got there's a lot of issues that I want to get today. We've got, you know, stopping frisk you're going to be stopping that. We've got a pre K education tax policy, We've got the stables situation. But there's one thing in particular that is I think many New Yorkers are talking about, and it's in many ways egregious.

And let's take a look.

Bill Deblasio is caught on camera this week eating pizza with a knife and fork.

Now, Bloomberg, as you know, used to have his food chewed and then put back into his mouth like a baby bird. But this is unacceptable, sir, So maya. This is from It's called John's Pizza.

Real.

This is this is it's called a It's a sausage and mushroom from John. John's is one of the greatest pizza places in the history of pizza.

I thought maybe you and I could break bread. We could share a slice. Would you like a slice? Would love a slice with your What are you doing?

Okay?

Thank you, don.

John.

I gotta teach you everything I.

Want to say John as mayor of Napolis, I mean New York City. Yes, we we are always ready for our pizza.

Oh my god, don't even come on, come on talk to me.

There's another way.

Oh, let me show you, let me, let me watch. Let me just show you. Oh dog, the beautiful slice of pizza. Hey, Bloomberg's gone right?

Can you that technique for him?

You have a have a photo.

We should have a big golf. I put a big golf down there for you.

What's get it out? A big down here?

Yeah, here we go.

Wow.

Oh you are gigantic.

Wow.

In his hands, it looks like a regular shoulder.

Cheeris We'll be going more of a mare to bag at bay.

A back.

I have very good news.

As of today, New York's new mayor isn't the only thing about New York City that is freakishly tall.

It's official now.

The New World Trade Center building in New York City is now the tallest guy scraper in the country.

Whoa maydagas a dozen years. But when we do it, we do it big.

It's celebration, of course, with the truths in the sadness, but still tallest building in America, and we weren't always sure that would happen.

An international panel of architects ruled that the needle a top one World Trade Center is a spire, not just an antenna, and is thus a permanent part of the building.

It's the spire on top that makes it the tallest building in the United States.

Oh yeah, spire on top brokely of course.

Obviously.

The only concern with having a spire like that on top of the New York skyscraper is keeping stripper King Kong off of it, putting himself their giant ape college. So now I suppose that because we're now number one, unfortunately somebody else has to be number two.

It topped Chicago's Willis Tower formerly the Sears Tower, which held the title for four decades.

I think this is less about the competition of the cities this time because of the significance of this building.

You know, Poppy, I couldn't agree more. Rebuilding the World Trade Center brings all Americans together. What kind of an ass would see this as a competition.

I would just say this.

To all the expertsy catherin in one row.

If it looks like an antenna, that's like an antenna.

I think.

Guess what it is?

Anent?

Today, on this wonderful sunny day in Chicago, you are standing in the tallest occupied spot in a building that you can stand in North America, and then.

Will continue to be the case regardless of the decision today by the council.

Won't you talk about it?

Willis Tower's fine, fine, We'll take tallest building in the United States, and you can have tallest occupied spot in a building you can stand in North America.

You know what, Chicago, what are you so mad about?

We already gave you, guys, murder capital of the United States.

Do you really think?

You really think we can't kill more people than you?

Please? We let you win.

Come on, let's not.

Let's not do this. Let's just agree with both great buildings, both great cities. I love Chicago.

You know what, Let's have a toast, a little toast to New York and Chicago will have oh geez, with a little dirt.

Rude bertrand Krement limocks. That's the that's the did we really? Is this real?

I beg this would be like ginger ale, but it's not a toast piece between New York and Chicago.

Well, new York City won today.

It's no contest which city takes the cake.

When it comes to well, just about everything else.

Deep Dish pizza is quite good.

Okay, I was gonna be nice, but now you've gone too far.

So let me explain something. Deep Dish pizza is not only not better than.

New York pizza, it's not pizza. It's a cast role. I'm surprised you haven't thought to complete your Deep Dish pizza by putting some.

Canned onion rings on top of it.

It's a corn bread biscuit which you've melted cheese on, and then, in defiance of God and Man and all things holy, you poured uncooked maranara sauce.

Atop the cheese, a top the cheese on top the sauce naked cold.

I'll display like some sort of sauce woord. You know the expression there's no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza. Your pizza is like sex with a corpse made of sandpaper.

Let me tell you something.

This is not pizza. This is tomato soup and a bread bowl. This is in above ground the Marinara swimming pool for rats.

Let me tell you something about your not pizza.

I want to know when I get drunk and pass out on my pizza, that I'm not gonna drown.

Let me tell you something.

I look at this. I look at his mon, you son of a bitch. I look at thish lebo. I look at this.

When I look at your deep dish pizza, I don't know whether they eat it or throw a coin in it and make a wish. And if I made a wish, it would be and I wish for some real pizza.

Now, now, in all due respect, I realized it's very cold in Chicago, very cold. It's windy.

You need to be able to, I don't know, have a pizza and maybe cut it open and climb inside it like a town town to keep warm.

Seriously, who you're kidding?

Who uses an iron skillet to make a pizza. You don't use an iron skill to make a pizza. Use an iron skillet to fend off someone who tries to serve you. Pizza made me skill, There's how I know I'm right. You call it Chicago style pizza. You call it deep dish pizza, stuffed pizza. You know we call it huh, you know we call this you know we call this pizza.

Well, that's nice.

Not by the way, you don't put tomatoes and celery salt hot dogs either.

You know what I'm saying.

Everybody knows there's three acceptable condiments for a hot dogs. There's mustard, onions and stagnant cartwater.

That git. We'll be run back a little while back on the program. I personally don't watch it.

I think it's crash. I may have mentioned something about Chicago style pizza and how it tended to be less pizza ish than pizza.

I was gesticulating quite a bit during that clut.

Inarticulating that sentiment, I may have him plied that deep dish pizza tastes like a string cheese that had been baked for two hours inside of Mike Dick's ass. So I said that on my program, and apparently Chicago.

Has television.

Chains are no doubt taking personal offense to The Daily Show host John Stewart's rant against our deep dish pizza. John Stewart trashing our Chicago style pizzas.

I take big offense because our Chicago Deep Dish is the best.

Picking on our pizza, A little bit of a ribbings, come on, take one bite and it is irresistible.

I'm not a Deep Dish fan myself. I love Stan Cress.

I'm sorry.

Ship a frozen to California so I can have it.

I'm just not a Deep Dish fan.

Get to the traffic and weather rider.

I'm late and I need to know if I need to wear a coat. Anyway, some people thought that my contribution to the Pizza dialogue was not particularly well reasoned.

John Stuart went on a rant. Stuart fired off a tirade.

It continued like that for a while, in that cheesy New York accent.

Cheesy New York accent. Who do you think you are talking about? A cheesy New York accent? You sort of you forget it? Wait a minute, you know what?

Actually I hear it now you're right now that you mention it, it is somewhat pronounced. If I was ranting, well, I don't know what to say. It was nothing compared to what people on Twitter were ranting back, like Hugh John Stewart for saying keep this pizza, isn't pizza die? That particular Twitter user did not specify the method by which I should die, but I can only assume it

This is the gift that Mayor Ram Emmanuel sent to John Stewart on The Daily Show.

The Daily Show posted this vine video showing even a dog rejecting the deep Dish pizza from the.

Mayor off our dog Quali.

That h that there is one of The Daily Show dog's Quali, and for the record, he didn't want the pizza. But I have seen that dog eat not only garbage, but happily spend his entire day with his nose in.

Another dog's butthole.

The other dog, by the way, is Parker, and in Quality's defense, Parker has an amazing butthole, elegant, sophisticated, with just a.

Sousson of snausage. I hope Chicago's are not too upset, And in the.

Spirit of healing, I'm going to bring out a guy who actually came by our show the other day to give us some Chicago pizza. Please welcome Mark Malnatti of lumaal Naughti's Pizzeria in Chicago. Come on out, Mark, this is this is very enough common said, all right, come and said this.

Is please have a seats?

You want to put those down there? We go.

That's that's very nice. Now this is Mark Malnatty. You run lu mal Naughty's Pizza.

I do this.

How long have you guys been in the pizza business.

Well, we're the fourth generation bright seventy years.

Seventy years of pizza. That's unbelievable. And you brought us some plates. Yeah? Is this because how about that? Is this because the pope? This is Chicago, John explain, Let me just give me the thing. Come on, come on, come on, John, Well, at least let me set some New York ambiance there.

Let me get that's the pizza thing that Oh, let me get a little hold on nice nice alright, look at it.

I'll tell you it looks very good. You know, I could really be. You want to just put that right on there? There you go? Thank you, my friend.

Holy I don't know what your I don't know what you know? What was the picture.

I don't know what the picture was your head the other day.

Hold on, hold on a second, let me let me just try and get up on the table.

Here we go. All right, we're good, We're good. All right.

So yeah, stopping here here here?

What am I an animal? This is?

This is for Chicago. I have great friends there. It's a beautiful city.

Go ahead, now, I'll tell you what.

I dare you to tell me that that isn't the best thing you've ever had in your life.

Now, I don't know what that big fat castle the other day was.

Let me tell you what.

It's very tasty. Thank you. It's very tasty. You're a reasonable man. It's very very tasty.

And I apologize, you know, truth, all right, A truth Chicago not.

Thank you.

I appreciate that. It's very tasty. New York pizza is very good. And at least, let's face facts. We're not California. I mean California pizza. I mean that is that is honestly, and I say this without the respect couple.

That is a I'll tell you what it ain't.

It ain't Chicago pizza.

Thank you, a great Mark, malnaughty everybody, thank you, my friend Ball and Marsh Bob Colly, Nature Gun.

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