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Hey, I'm right Wood Junior in cheese, Daisy, light it Pry.
How you doing.
Oh that's enough small talk. Let's get into it, Daisy. Today we're talking about air travel in America. I don't know about you, Daisy, but I love flying because, honestly, there's nothing better than being trapped in a metal tube with three hundred strangers during the pandemic and all of us praying that the pilot ain't too drunk to land. This bitch.
But I love that.
Well, I'll be honest, I don't actually love that. I gotta tell you I had the worst flight last weekend. This can next to me cried the entire time, just screaming in my ear. I was like, I don't care. You're my son.
Mommy's trying to watch you land.
That's right, you gotta watchland.
Tour de force steel blue steel. Yeah. I have to do very little for that. I have like resting blue steel face.
And it's not just me. Roy.
Air travel has gotten so bad recently that Congress has been forced to get involved.
Senators Ed Markey and Richard Blumenthal introduced an airline Passenger's Bill of Rights aimed at requiring airlines to fairly compensate flyers during airline cause delays and cancelations. The senators also want to limit fees for bags seating, as well as for changes or cancelations.
If passengers could receive thirteen hundred and fifty bucks whenever their flight is delayed by four hours, I am guaranteeing you there'd be a lot fewer delays.
Yeah.
Yeah, we could soon be getting an airline passenger's Bill of Rights. And if it's anything like the original Bill of Rights, we just have to wait another one hundred years for it to apply to women and black.
People, you know. But that's great to hear, you know. And I gotta say, thirteen hundred dollars is a lot of money. It's a lot of money, especially if if you can buy a two hundred dollars flight for a chance to wind a grand people are gonna be gambling at the airport. You will buy a cheek taking away.
For the delay.
The sky lounge gonna look like the off track. Beton, Like, come on, Dell to give me that mechemical failure.
I for one am glad that they're finally doing something about the fees. They've been nickel and diming us for years. Fees for baggage, fees to print a boarding pass. Now there's even fees for picking a seat. Like, what are you gonna do if I don't pick a seat? How about I just stand the entire flight. I'll treat your damn airplane like it's a subway and stand there break dancing and jerking off.
Sure sure?
Oh oh, speaking of jerking off on the airplane, go on. There's been a lot of reports lately of passengers stuck on the runway for hours and as the laws of physics, when there's too much time to kill white people, bust out the acoustic guitars.
Baby Godjie.
Jamie.
No, no, no, no, no, no, Look, no one has ever been like, you know what would make this delayed ass flight better? Let's break out in a single ang. Also, also, didn't didn't the dude who wrote that song? Didn't he die in a plane crash?
How?
How was plane crash dude in charge of the anthem for air travel?
How is he in charge of that?
And I'm asking you because you're white, how is that possible?
Oh?
I don't know, but I'll bring it up at the next white people meeting. Okay, but yeah, seeing John Denver on a flight is like tempting fate. Like I wouldn't watch Titanic on a crew oz. I mean, yeah, I'll check out the titty painting scene. But that's it. And one of the big reasons air travel in this country is struggling is the FAA, or more commonly known as FAW.
That's right, FAW is in a lot of trouble right now because we're finding out how outdated some of these airports are. I mean, they're tracking flights with paper strips. They're not using computers. They're riding your flight on a paper strip and putting it up on a board.
Arts and crafts.
Oh god, how are these planes not crashing all the time?
Well, they're getting close.
The FAA is forming a team of experts to examine flight safety after several recent close calls involving commercial planes.
A FedEx Boeing seven sixty seven was about to land at Austin's International Airport as a Southwest Airline seven thirty seven was told to take off from the same runway. The two planes came within one hundred feet of colliding in thick fog. It comes three weeks after another near collision at JFK, where a Delta Airlines flight abruptly stopped its takeoff as an American Airlines flight taxied across the runway in front of.
Its nineteen forty three cancel take off flanch.
A midair scare in December just recently came to light. A United Airlines plane departing MAUI took a nose dive, plummeting more than fourteen hundred feet in about twenty seconds, coming within seven hundred and seventy five feet of the Pacific Ocean.
Flame shooting out from under the wing of a Delta plane traveling.
From Scotland to New York forced to make an emergency landing.
Delta blame is a mechanical issue.
No shit, I'm not an engine it is. I'm not an enginet. But if the wing is on fire, that looks like a mechanical issue.
Yeah.
And also, oh my god, can you imagine dying in a plane crash on the runway, Like, if I'm dying in a plane, I better be in the air otherwise I'm just going all the way through TSA just to die in a car crash.
Till insult to injury. Now you did, and you don't have your full sigh shampoo.
You know what, Roy, These incidents make me think that we need a new passenger Bill of rights. Article one. Airlines should not kill.
You, Article two, Article two. If they do kill you, you get thirteen hundred dollars.
Article three. Get rid of the paper strips or at least laminate them. It's the twentieth century.
It's the twenty first century.
It's the twenty first century.
Article four.
If someone on the flight has to die, it should be the person with the acoustic guitars.
And also, let me just slip in Article five, no more children on flights? What about your kid, especially my kid? No more children on flights, get them off works for.
Me, Thanks for chatting desert.
For years, flight attendants in America have complained about well two things. One idiots who pressed the coal button when they meant to turn on the lights, and two the way they get paid. Well now, finally, Delta Airlines is taking care of one of those issues.
Flight attendants with Delta will soon be getting paid a little bit more money. The airline says it will now start paying cabin cruise during boarding up until now, flight attendants did not start getting paid until the passengers were seated in the plane's doors closed. That was the moment that their pay started. Delta says the change will start June second, as the company faces the possible ability if it's more than twenty thousand flight attendants forming their own union.
The change could increase some attendants wages by several thousand dollars every year.
Yeah, leave it or not. Flight attendants in America do not get paid during the boarding process, which is crazy. Just think about you're at work doing work, but your boss is like, nah, this is your free time. What I only pay you when the doors are closed. That's wild. It also sucks for flight attendants on Spirit Airlines because they don't even have doors.
What do they do?
Do they work for free? How does that should work?
Because here's the thing, people, the boarding process is not easy. If anything, they should.
Be getting paid extra for that part.
You've got to deal with passengers who suddenly don't know how numbers work.
Does twenty three come before twenty four? And what number is jay?
And then on top of that they have to deal without bags that never fit. Yeah, and by the way, call us you Why do the bags never fits? No honest question, why do they never It's call an overhead bag, right, but it doesn't fit into the overhead. Why did they
call it that? They shouldn't be allowed to sell it to you and call an overhead back when won't put into the overhead Because now I'm the idiot blocking the traffic and like everyone's looking at me, no one's getting paid, and I'm like, I swear they're start said it would fit in the overhead, there's none of They're like, you're an idiot, I'm none.
It is the overhead back, but no gunning over.
That's what the FBI should be focusing on.
That's the real crime. It'll sun your bag. That makes me look like an idiot.
By the way, did you notice how Delta suddenly said it was going to change this rule only after they learned that flights attendance are trying to form a union. Yeah, interesting timing, m Yeah, it was like that. Marjorie Taylor Greenbow, Oh oh you mean that a union? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Nothing scares these giant airlines more than unions. Like if someone yelled bomb in an airport and someone else yelled union, They honestly wouldn't know who to tackle first. And I'm gonna give these flights to tenants a lot of credit because let me tell you something, man, people fly all the time. You see these people working hard, But I didn't know that they weren't getting paid while the plane you did. I didn't know that they really patient people.
If I was working for free during the whole boarding process, I would have been way less friendly than yo. I would have been in that airport, like and Zone one, Zone one, Get the hell up on the plane right now.
Hurry up, I'm trying to get paid.
Move your dumb ass. Put the thing on the thing, damn man, and I saw yo.
I swear, I swear if any of you broke.
At Zone four minds even trying to get on the line right now, I will have the tsa water board your ass.
Get back zone for sit down. You know who you is.
It seems like right now some of the biggest failures at returning to society are happening on airplanes. After a year of staying at home. You would think that people would be happy to just get on a plane, eat their pretzels, and take the world's most painful nap, But instead people are turning airplanes into their own personal rage rooms.
With their travel on the rise nationwide, so too of violent incidents, both in the airport and in mid air.
Assaults on flight attendants are skyrocketing. They say they've been pushed, punch slapped, even choked by unruly passengers. The FAA usually handles one hundred and fifty incidents of unruly passengers in a year. So far this year there have been twenty five hundred cases.
American Airlines is holding off on bringing full alcohol service back on their planes for some The company's extending that suspension until at least September thirteenth, after incidents involving unruly passengers and other airlines. The airline still is going to allow alcohol sales for first class and for business class cabins.
Sorry, first class gets booze, but economy doesn't. And they think that's gonna end the violence. Did no one at American Airlines see snow piercer. If they really want to stop fights, they shouldn't get rid of alcohol. They should make you drink until you pass out for the rest of the flight. Yeah, you either get zero shots or fourteen. There's no in between. But the real issue is that
people are getting into fights on airplanes. Guys, this is the last place in the world that you should be fighting, and given how tight space is in economy, I'm even surprised that it's possible. Do you know how much effort you have to put into actually throwing a punch in coach on a plane?
What did you say to me?
What?
Man, I'm gonna kick your ass? I'm excuse me?
Excuse me? Can I excuse me?
Can I do excuse me? Can I?
Man?
You know what, when we land and you get up and I get up, and we got the bags and we are Man, I'm gonna kick your ass.
I'm excoot.
Let me just get back.
I'm scoose Meco. Although the truth is some people are just assholes who want to fight, and let's be honest, you're never gonna get rid of them. So maybe, just maybe the better solution is to just find a way to put them all in the same place.
Do you want to travel and take out your pent up pandemic aggression on customer service employees? Hell? Yeah you do, but society won't let you punch a flight attendant until now, introducing crow Down Airs, the only airline with no rules on your behavior or ours. Our flight attendants are trained in MMA, popped up on junk meth and ready to fuck you up.
Can interest you and some peanuts, crackers or cookies, then come and get them, fat boy.
Other airlines don't want you to bring weapons on board. At throwdown air you have to, and if you knock out the pilot, then congrats, you're the new pilot. Either way. Once we're in the air, we're not landing until everyone on board is bleeding out their airlines.
The flight attendant's been tell me to put my face mask on, but I throw down air. They just shove one down my throat and bodies slam me into the beverage guard.
Thenks throw down air.
So if you're an asshole who assaults people doing their jobs, then fly the airline for people just like you throw down. Once the wheels are up, the shit goes down.
Ever since United Airlines got in trouble for upgrading a passenger to wrestling class, people have started paying close attention to how airlines treat customers. You know, there have been many viral videos of crazy stuff that's happening on airplanes.
In fact, they're thinking about starting an Airlines for World Star Airlines, right, and basically what happens is you're just gonna choose your section first class Economy or McDonald's parking lots, and then if they have an emergency, phones drop down from the ceiling so that you can film yourself.
Ah olds.
For more on the trends in travel, we turned to Senior Travel across Mound Ronnie Chang everybody.
As thanks, Trevor. Look, flying sucks, right, It's always sucked, but back in the day we just couldn't record how much it sucked. Now with camera phones we can relive those terrible moments forever.
This Delta pilot was actually caught hitting a passenger.
Apparently trying to break up a fight between two passengers and.
A Jedway American immediately suspended a flight attendant who allegedly ripped a stroller away from the mother, nearly striking the child in the process.
Okay, but do you do that to me and I'll lock you pa.
Another disturbing airline incidents caught on camera two passengers throwing punches at each other. The man in red yelled, do you think I'm crazy? The government is crazy?
No, dude, you're crazy. Right, who fights in a Hawaiian shirt. He's like the angriest guy at the LUA. Why is that no umbrella?
My pinocalada?
And what is this? Is this a new pre flight routine? Here's your seatbelt, Here are the exits, all right, now, let's keep them up the belt. Everybody, all right, wants your good clean fight. You think Detroit is tough, try being in boarding zone five. Like, come on, people, we can't just keep fighting each other on the airplanes. We have to come together and unite so we can fight other species.
A passenger stung by a scorpion.
The United flight was heading from Houston to Calgary when the scorpion suddenly dropped from an overhead bin, landing on a passenger's head.
Why are we.
Fighting desert animals in the sky?
Okay?
Look, if a bird picks a fire from me, okay, maybe right, but a scorpion, no, I'm not mentally prepared for that. And the worst part is when a scorpion stings me, I won't have the antidote because it's more than three ounces. Yeah, right, So now I'm dead like this rabbit. United Airlines is dealing with another pr nightmare following the death of a giant rabbit.
They've come out of a statement at the safety and well being of all the animals that travel with us is of the utmost importance to United Airlines. What makes matters worse was that Simon was a promising rabbit. At one hundred and twenty nine centimeters long. His father, Darius, holds the Guinness World Records for being the biggest rabbit.
Thanks a lot, United, you killed the yow ming of rabbits. Seriously, this is a professionally big rabbit. It's like first Hall of Fame rabbit Jesus running.
I fly, but I didn't realize flying had gotten so bad.
Man.
Is there anything that the airlines can do well?
I'm glad you asked trebber. Okay. First of all, hey, airlines, stop over booking flights. Okay, yeah, this is how you do.
Okay.
You count the seeds on your plane and.
Then you sell that number of tickets. That's it.
Sorry, is that too difficult to understand?
Okay?
Second thing, we don't need twenty websites searching each other for cheapest flights. Okay, just have one website call it the Cheapest Flights. That's it. Go there, we get the cheapest flights, and as a delay they should pay us. Okay, that's how it works. And if we crash in the ocean, yeah, and if we crash in the ocean, we need knives under our seats. Otherwise we're just saying there like chicken nuggets for shocks, you.
Know, Ronnie actually speaking of helping this, I read that Congress is having hearings today and Congress is gonna figure out a way to make a passenger bill of rights.
Great Congress is in charge of airlines. Next time I go home, I'm driving.
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