Michael Kosta Covers Biden Talking Ceasefire Over Ice Cream & CPAC's Panels Sound Insane | Kwame Alexander

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We have a great show for you tonight.

We're gonna talk about why you'll be taking out a mortgage on your next Baconator Biden tries to solve Israel and Palestine and one lick and good news. There's finally a Kennedy in politics. Let's get to the headlines. Let's get things off with an update on the war in

Can you give us a cent where you make the final started?

Well, I hope by the beginning of the weekend, I mean the end of the.

Weekend at least my not security visor tells me that we're close. We're closer.

Not the most dignified way to deliver a world changing news. It does remind me of the photo of Obama's team watching that bin laden raid while making balloon animals. Now, in Joe Biden's defense, he had the ice cream first. It's not like they asked him about Gaza and he said, hold on, if we're going to talk about war, I got to get a mint ship. No, he was in an ice cream store about to eat ice cream, and

Personally.

I don't think anyone should be asked about Israel Palestine while they're eating ice cream.

I thought that was like an unwritten rule.

I'm holding a tiny cylinder topped with a giant, misshapen dairy blob that immediately starts melting on all sides. I've got one tiny little napkin for some reason. Do you think Israel Palestine is a crisis. I'm dealing with something here.

I'll tell you what.

If I was a politician, I would always have an ice cream with me, just to cram in my mouth in case I got asked about Israel Palestine. It's not a good strategy for Mitch McConnell, though, that guy already has brain freeze Kobe.

Now, despite Biden's prediction.

Both of US and Israel say they're not actually close to a sea fire. But I'm not surprised that Biden was so optimistic. When you're holding a freshly scooped ice cream cone, everything feels like it's going to be okay. That's why it's the official food of telling your kid you're getting a divorce ice cream. It is your fault, kiddo. Yeah, so I don't blame Biden for talking about that stuff while he was eating ice cream. What I do blame him for is why does he open his mouth so

Let's move on to the other side.

Of the aisle because over the weekend, Republicans gathered for Seapack, the Conservative Political Action Conference. It's like Woodstock for people who hate anybody who went to Woodstock.

And if you think the.

Whole weekend was just them saying that Trump really won the twenty twenty election, no.

No, no, no no.

They were also singing it.

Does anyone have any molly? I want to overdose if the lyrics are too subtle for you. I like how her dress gets the point across what she's saying. Oh, I see Trump one. But look, SEAPAC isn't just the best rock concert of all time. It's also an important way to find out what the current conservative priorities are. And based on the titles of this weekend's panel discussions, it's going to be a fun.

Year Seapack twenty twenty four, where globalism goes to die, Ladies and gentlemen, Does Congress even matter?

Would Moses go to Harvard? What you're talking about?

Fanny willis shooting from the hip, going full Hungarian, stopping Georgie Soros survival uncanceled, God loves Justice, God's children are not for sale. Babies are us putting our heads in the gas stove.

Seems like you guys might be inhaling some fumes already. Now, it's always good to have panels that sound like categories if Jeopardy had a mental breakdown.

Let's move on to some economic news.

Traditionally, Americans have eaten food at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but soon that's going.

To cost you.

Wendy's, the country's second largest burger chain with six thousand locations, announcing that starting next year, menu prices will fluctuate during the busiest times of day, meaning you could be paying as much as a dollar more for that baconator during.

The lunch rush. Wendy's CEO announcing.

His company will spend twenty million dollars on high tech digital menu boards that can update prices in real time. Wendy's telling ABC News in a statement that the decision can allow them to motivate customers to visit and provide them with the food they love at a great value.

Shut the f upan, Wow, you're providing me with food I love at a great value.

Don't you hate when companies try to pretend they're not squeezing every dollar out of us? Just tell me you want all my money, dude, Okay, don't take my wallet and be like this is.

Good for both of us.

But yeah, it looks like Wendy's is going to charge more during the most popular times. And they call this dynamic pricing or whatever, but really, this is just another tax on people who hate themselves and don't know how to cook. Although this will be good for guys looking to impress girls. Hey, you want to go to Wendy's during the lunch rush?

Ooh all right? Play.

Uh, well, let's face facts. This is the way of the future. Airlines and hotels and Uber already do this, and if Wendy's pulls this off, there's no reason why every restaurant, help, every place of business won't be using surge pricing. Soon the emergency room will be like, look, you can come back at two am. Fixing those stab wounds will be a lot cheaper. So if you agree with me that this has to stop, there's only one

Was your idea. That's important.

For more on the surge pricing, Let's go live to a Wendy's with our very own, Ronnie, chang.

Ronnie. Isn't this capitalism at its worst?

He is capitalism and it was maybe for whiney bitches like you, Costa, but for finance geniuses like me, this data driven late stage capitalism is the next gold rush gold.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about abatrage, baby. I buy a thousand burgers at four am when the price is low, and then I saw them high in lunchtime.

That's right, I'm.

Flipping burgers, but in a rich way.

You missed the boat cost. Now, I hope you don't cry.

This is crypto and games stop all over again. Moneyball, pick a ball, Ai.

Stop yelling buzzwords.

It sounds like your genius financial plan is to sell burgers that have been sitting around for eight hours.

Yeah, news flash, idiot, all fast food burgers. I have been sitting around for eight hours.

Eh.

That's why it's a stable investment. That like if gold came with a slimy pickle on top. Oh hang on, hang on, the mak is moving. Yeah yeah, yeah, bye, I said, by four thousand baker akers do it. Yeah, Daddy earned his commission today.

Runny, are you snorting salt packets? Yeah? It's pure Himalayan grete a.

Ronnie, stop, stop, stop, stop, You're in over your head. You can't sell four thousand baconators in a parking lot.

People are gonna be weird at ow.

Hey, these people already biting chili from a redhead with pigtails and Wendy's okay, you can't wear them out. That's why this plan can't fail unless they kicked me out of the parking lot. Oh wait, what's that what?

They're kicking me out?

The pocket log? I mean, I'm ruined.

This is crypto in game. Stop all over again.

I'm dock to flipping Burgers, but in a poor way. Who's gonna buy four thousand baconators from man?

Okay, Ronnie, I can buy one baconator.

Yes, one thousand baconatis.

Well, my god, I'm back on top rock.

Just what we'll talk about?

It?

Look like, Ronnie Chang, everybody, I'm going and learn.

Come back, well, learn all about the twenty twenty four candidate leading.

The race, if for third place, don't go away, Ronnie Chang, Welcome back to the Dairy Show.

With the South Carolina primary out of the way in Michigan coming up this week, We're getting closer and closer to having just one Republican and one Democrat in the presidential race. But there's still another option.

Take a look.

The Kennedys, an American dynasty, the Kardashians.

Of the Capitol.

We chose to go to Ramond.

For over a century, the steady hand of the Kennedy family has led America through its greatest challenges.

The hope still lives and the dream shall never die.

They aren't just in politics, they are politics.

It being Eine Springfield and in twenty twenty four are abnormal times called for an abnormal Kennedy.

I don't like winning shows.

I never have.

This is the daily showography of Robert F. Kennedy Junior, Immune to normal. Bobby Kennedy Junior was born in nineteen fifty four into the most prestigious clan of the wait is that Arnold Schwarzenegger Chris Pratt?

How powerful is this family? Anyway?

There? He is no there There. The third of Senator Robert Kennedy's eleven children and the one lucky enough to share his name. Despite his proximity to power, Bobby Junior wasn't initially drawn to the family business.

To have your committed to side to the political future.

I don't think so.

If we can't all go off, it.

Would turn out to be the first of many things he would be wrong about. As a young man, Bobby's unique personal story landed him a spot.

At Harvard such amazing look.

After studying law at the University of Virginia, he became an assistant district attorney in Manhattan before pausing to take part in a personal research trial of a promising new drug called Harold Rehabit Court order community service had him cleaning up both himself and pollution in the Hudson.

River, which led him to a career and environmental law.

The project that I work on is river protection.

While most environmentalists are about as effective as a Trump gag order, RFK Junior was massively successful, winning huge cases with his team of young law students and earning him the title Hero for the Planet. And that's the end of this great man's story.

Wait, there's more.

Uh shit.

A year ago in two thousand and five, a woman came to RFK Junior with an unbelievable story. Her son had gotten autism from childhood vaccines, and while normal people don't believe unbelievable stories.

Kennedy was so important.

After doing his own research, he published his findings in the acclaimed medical journal Rolling Stone, where it was the second most important article of the month. Despite having been completely wrong, Kennedy doubled down.

There's no vaccine that is safe and effective.

Indeed, he developed a natural immunity to all criticisms.

You've said, see that no vaccine is safe or effective, which you did say that in a podcast interview in July.

That his ideas spread and spread and spread. RFK Junior gained potency for him. This fight is personal. You can hear it in his voice.

We ought to be debating the science.

Which was damaged by a neurological condition called spasmodic dysphonia.

Well doctors weren't sure how he contracted the disease.

Kennedy did his own research and surprise, blamed his annual flu shot.

It occurred to me that this might be a vaccine injury.

I don't know, but it's certainly a possibility.

Hey who hasn't gone on WebMD and thought, oh shit, I definitely have that. And then came his big moment, the COVID vaccine, when RFK Junior rolled up his sleeves. It was to fight vaccine ever made as one of the most influential voices against vaccines.

He truly put the flu.

In influencer mainstream.

And that's when the censorship started.

And I've been silence in many, many ways.

In the face of this silencing, there was only one thing Kennedy could do to get his message out.

I've come here today.

What noun is my candidacy for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

Kennedy could deny his fate no longer.

Like a microchip from the COVID vaccine politics was in his DNA, and compared to his rivals, Kennedy isn't just fit for office, he's straight up jacked for it.

You've gone viral, not only with your.

Message, but just your sheer masculinity.

Take that big farm.

This is a level of physical fitness you only get from clean living.

Natural foods and take because I was drawing replacement.

Okay, so then he takes little steroids, but it's organic farm to table steroids.

And I started this campaign.

Normally, a Kennedy on the ballot would coast on his family name, but Bobby Jr.

Is not normal.

Definitely, partly because much of his family is actually opposing him, especially after he dropped out of the Democratic primary to run as an independent, but also because this Kennedy is a man of the people, living simply in Hollywood with Larry David's wife lock And yes, he has name recognition, but he also has broad appeal, championing liberal ideas, conservative ideas, and every conspiracy theory known to men.

OVID nineteen attacked certain races, the people of most me are Asconage, Jews, and the Chinese all their greatest hits.

I do chatelefe all.

We'll be able to look at every square inch.

That's why nine out of ten alternative thinkers recommend RFK Junior for President of the United States.

A conspiracy theory is just something the government doesn't like to hear.

There's nothing normal about the twenty twenty four election, and in a contest between a professional courtroom sketch model ampa who wandered away from his family at the mall, Kennedy is still somehow the least normal Kennedy and.

Somebody snapped him walking the aisles heading to the bathroom without any shoes or socks.

Well, that's one way to do your own research. And that's why America needs to inject Robert F.

Kennedy Junior straight into its bloodstream.

Side effect of after Junior include Now jam Measles, Moms, Revella, Chickybots, Monkey Box Bolo.

Until the nineteen.

When we come back, author Kwame Alexander will be joining me on the show, So don't go away.

Welcome back to the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is a number one New York Times best selling author and Emmy winning produce whose latest book is an anthology of black poets called This Is the Honey.

Please welcome Kwame Alexander.

This is nice. Yes, this is nice poetry.

Yes, I mean I have to admit I was like poetry, this can be a little intimidating. How do you advise people who are approaching poetry for the first time to digest it?

Yeah? I typically don't advise.

Okay, That's what I do with comedy too.

I mean it's like when you go up on stage to deliver some fascinating stand up I just share a poem.

There were these seventh graders in Dallas, Texas.

These boys and their teacher wanted them to get excited about poetry, and so I went in their library and just a quick shoulder shake, a slick eye fake number twenty eight is way past late.

He's reading me like a book.

But I turned the page and watch him look, which can only mean I got him shook.

So I went through this whole poem and at the end, all the boys do I have to.

Do one now, or they're like battle poems or something.

Your turn.

Yeah, But at the end, all the boys were like, oh, So, I think it's just we got to hear poetry, and it's how we learned how to read and write nursery rhymes as a kid, lullabies.

We don't remember that we.

Love poetry, and I think I'm trying to, you know, remind us of that.

I love it.

A lot of you've written forty books.

A lot of what you write about involves sports. Right, Some people hear sports and they block it or they run away. But why are sports an important metaphor for you?

Well?

I mean I think they remind us of things like teamwork, how important it is to collaborate. They remind us of resilience, the remind us of grit, you know, And so I think sports is a great metaphor for our lives. If you miss enough of life's free throws, you will pay in the end. Never let never let anyone lower your goals.

Right.

I love that.

You just want an Emmy for a show based off your award winning book The Crossover. Is that kind of why you got into poetry so you can get an Emmy? But the Crossovers made an enormous journey.

Tell me about that, sure?

I mean it was a book that was rejected twenty two times by publishers because publishers didn't think boys would read poetry or girls would read a book about basketball.

And I always had the vision.

I mean, I knew from a very early age because my mother had introduced me to doctor Seuss, you know, Fox Socks knocks box in socks socks inbox Like, I love poetry for so long, so I know the impact that it had on my life, and so I knew that it would have an impact on young people's lives.

I listened somewhere you said you might have been joking that you wrote The Crossover at a Panera bread Right?

Is that true?

Is that it is very true? I wrote it because I.

See people at their laptops open and I go, there's no way that person's writing anything worthwhile right now.

It's inspiring.

If that's true, many people who write a coffee shops and Panera Breads are going to see this and go, holy shit, Yeah, I have an opportunity here.

I sat in a chair next to a fireplace at Panera bread in Herndon, Virginia, and I wrote every day for five hours a day. And when I won the Newberry Medal for the Crossover, the manager whose name was Skip May he rest in peace, he put a sign up that said, Kwame Alexander wrote the Crossover here.

Yeah.

Hey, could be worse, could be like don't serve Michael Costa at this bar or something like that.

This is this is the honey.

This is an anthology of contemporary black poets.

I am very white. Are you can? I? Can I tackle this? Can everybody tackle this?

Here's the thing.

Yeah, Poetry is a way to open a door to possibility, regardless of who's writing, whether it's Mary Oliver or Nikki Giovanni, whether it's Pablo Naruda or Kwame Alexander. Poetry is a way to allow us to connect with each other, to feel more empathetic and ultimately to become better human beings.

So, yeah, this book is for you, This is for me, this is for us.

Tell me about the title, This is the Honey.

We often think about, you know, Black History Month in terms of the woe and not the wonder. We think about the tragedy and not the triumph.

That's all valuable.

But I wanted to create a book that reminded us of all the beautiful things, of the regular normal things, and remind not only Black people but Americans in general that Black people live, love, hope, dream, dance, smile, eat just like everybody else.

So that this is the honey. Are you.

So many stories, so many stories about black suffering. Are you seeing a change in media covering different types of stories in the black community.

Well, I don't spend a whole lot of time looking at what the media is doing except watching you.

I mean, duh, come right.

I spend a lot more time trying to change the narrative, trying to make sure I'm doing it.

So I try to spend.

This book is organized in a particular way. Share with us how this book is organized.

When you wake up in the morning and the sun is out, it's a new day of promise. And so the first part of this book is the language of joy of hope. After you've awakened, you see the people you love and the people you care about, and so the second section is love and caring. And then you go out into the world and you're sort of face with the challenges of what's happening.

And so the third section in the.

Book is dealing with that, those challenges, those obstacles. And of course, by the time we get to the end of the book, we are at the end of our day and we come home and we're grateful, and we're around family and we and we offer praise, and so the last piece of the book is dealing with that kind of praise.

That's a wonderful synopsis of a good day, grateful and praise at the end of the day. I'm not always getting praise and graciousness at the end of my day, but maybe that's something I can strive for.

Well, you're you're you're grateful for your family. Sure, you're grateful for your your your mother, you're grateful for your wife, for your kids, and so at the end of the day and so and so, no matter what is happening in our world, no matter what chaos is going on, the poetry is sort of a way for us to be uplifted, to be reminded of the things that matter. Family, love, community, hope, possibility.

Also sex. I mean your poems, there's some sex in there.

I mean, that's where that's where we are now.

Is that the hope part? It's I you don't have to answer after you don't want it.

So last year you released your memoir Why Father's Cry at Night, and it's dedicated to your two daughters. What did you two part question? What did you want them to get from this? And I'm a father of two daughters. What should I get from this? Here's the deal.

I mean, as men, we don't often talk about matters of our heart. We don't talk about it with each other, don't talk about it with ourselves. And I came to a point in my life where I realized that it wasn't serving me any longer.

You know.

And my nephew, his name is Jordan. We were in Target with my my daughter was shopping, she's a teenager, and we were in Target and my nephew and I who's nine, we were dancing in aisles and we had a good time. And when we got home, you know, later his mother, my sister, she called and she said, Kwame, Jordan said, he wants to he can't wait to grow up to be an uncle like you.

Right right, And so thank you.

That's that's the kind of man I want to be who has those type of relationships with the people he loved and who and who love him. And so I wanted to write about that as an exploration.

What can I I mean, you know, man, there's some beautiful stuff in here, and it's poetry, yep, advice. Then there's a recipe for fruit punch, you know, and I like every page.

I'm like, what's next?

As someone who's parenting two daughters, what what do I need to do, whether even in the book or just in life.

Tell me listen, listen, hey, it's no secret, it's no way around it.

We got to listen to our daughters.

When I was a kid and got in trouble, my mom would send me to the room because I hated being alone.

And I would be in my room I hate that woman. I hate that woman.

And she'd come in and she'd recite a poem or sing a song to make me laugh. I did the same thing with my fifteen year old. I tried to make her laugh when she was upset, and she said, Dad, you know it's okay to sit with your anger. And I was like, whoa mind blown? I think we got to listen to our kids.

Man. Yeah. I love that.

Poets are always asked to read poems and interviews and I just you know, I love that comics don't have to do that again.

It's like, you're here to hang and to promote your book. Why are we going to put you to work?

But I really love ten Reasons Why fathers cry at night?

From this from your memoir? Would you mind reading it for us? Sure?

Sure?

And this really resonated with me very much.

So shout out to my two daughters, Dandie and Samaya. When Nandi was a teenager, she came home and said those words no father ever wants to hear. She said, Dad, I want to go on a date. Oh, And I said maybe when you're thirty. So you got little ones, yeah, enjoy that moment, yeah, because when they become fifteen and sixteen, it's another life.

Man.

Well that's why I read this and put it down, and I had to take some deep breaths, and then I took a picture of and texted to my wife and she's like, don't send me. This is too sad, and you know, but it's just it's capturing this human feeling.

So please, if you don't mind, thank you very much.

Ten reasons why father's quiet night.

One because teenagers don't like park swings or long walks anymore unless you're in the mall. Two because holding her hands is forbidden and kisses are lethal. Three because school was fine, her day was fine, and yes, she's fine, so why is she weeping? Four because you want to help but you can't read minds. Five because she's in love and that's cute until you find his note asking.

Her to prove it. Yeah.

Six because she didn't prove it. Seven because next week she's in love again, and this time it's real. She says, her heart is heavy. Eight because she yearns to take long walks in the park with him. Nine because you remember the myriad woes and wonders of spring desire, and ten because with trepidation and thrill, you watch your teenage daughter who suddenly wants to swing all by herself.

Oh crushes me.

This is the honey and Why Father's Cry at Night are both available now.

Kwannie Alexander, thank you some much for ye. We're gonna quick regular right back after this. That's that show for tonight. Here it is your moment of dead.

President Biden is about as popular as scurvy. The President is about as popular as coloner.

He's about as.

Popular as a colonoscopy, about as popular as robocalls as herpes fever blister. The President is.

Polling right up there with.

With Comedia.

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