You're listening to Comedy Central. Listen. I watched the news for three reasons, weather, traffic, and Michael Straighthand's sexy ass mouth. Uh, you gotta blur that out. You can't show that sexy hole on TV. You know. I'm trying to ruin a TV show man set. But every time I turn on the news, there's one thing I see more than anything. Men losing their ship. Another shocking incident on a plane as two passengers duke it out right before takeoff. A
man went on a bottle breaking rampage. Store workers say a customer and God, I rate when they refused to sell him liquor at a discount. It's a shocking road rage incident going viral. These two knuckleheads are fighting like medieval knights in battle. Why does every guy think if he gets a sword in his hand, he's gonna automatically be Steven Seagal, But when he actually gets it in his hand, he's like Jerry Lewis, I'm gonna I did Lady. It's crazy though. This stuff is happening all the time
every night on the news. Let's the hope has to shout wild Star, and it's all because a man who can't control their anger. Man, why are you so mad? You need the com y'all after down? But since you can't do it yourselves, I decide I'm gonna help you calm down. Into night's installment of Long Story Short. Now, we know that women are going through it, but we have to acknowledge that men are going through it too.
You guys are angry, you're depressed, and you're lonely. In fact, of men say they have zero zero friends and the other they don't have friends either, but they was too sad to feel out the surveyor no friends. I mean, women got our problems, but we always have some home girls. You know what I'm saying. You got them, you know, but me and they have nobody. So what do they do. They take all of those emotions and they bottle that
ship up and then they throw that bottle at the cashier. Now, luckily there's a tool that can help you with all of this Falliby therapy is amazing. You pay someone to unload all your bullshit on them. They're like prostitutes for the feelings. The problem is men don't use it. In fact, they're almost half as likely to go to therapy as women men out here treating therapy like Nick Cannon treats condoms. They're here to help you, Nick, Why won't you use them?
God damn it, God damn as. The question is why won't you men go to therapy? And I think the same reason you won't eat a popsicle in front of anybody, because you're scared they'll think you a little bitch. Therapy works for women, but it does not work for men. Sitting around talking about your feelings isn't gonna do it for you. How you feel, Go to the gym, lift heavyweights. Be a man. Therapy is no action. Therapy is sitting
and crying and complaining. Do you feel depressed, you go to the gym, you do something, you don't sit and cry about it. Oh Andrew take rank. You just arrested for selling bitches. If anybody needs therapy, is this neck and ass hot dog? So and let's this be a man ship? What do you think being a man is, because it's not what women think it is. Being a man means taking care of your mental health. That's as
much as you take care of your physical health. Okay, these dudes will use everything else for therapy except actual therapy. They're like, running is my therapy. No, running is running therapy needs to be your therapy. Everyone, I mean, everyone I know who does a marathon is uck. If they were at peace, they wouldn't be running until they pissed themselves. And I'm saying that's at all. What's the next looks
like everybody else? But we know what I mean? Is this way because starting from a young age, we cheat them that they can't have feelings. We were taught at a really young age, don't cry, have no fear. When you cry, does it make you feel like a failure? Oh there's that. That's a sense of sitting there going why am I crying? I shouldn't be crying about this. There was this one time I was with my friend
just just looked at me, started crying. He just said I think I just need a hug, and I hugged him, and afterwards we both looked at each other and we're like, we're never gonna say anything to anyone that's sad. Y'all see that, y'all see what y'all? Men? I teaching these young boys that you know what you know what I need to men? The hug right now, right right, yeah, this that makes me feel like I got power. But but I hug that's what men want to keep private.
But y'all air dropped your dick picks to a stranger on the upweight whas. But look, if men's issues only affected themselves, I stay the hell out their business. But the problem here is that men not going to therapy is affecting women. Okay, Depressed men are more likely to commit domestic violence, They're more likely to commit abuse. Plus, instead of going to the therapists, they're using dates like therapy. Yeah, yeah,
every woman in here knows what I'm talking about. Some dude you just met on tender telling you about how his dad loves his brother Moore, Well, give me your brother's number, then maybe I like him better too, Because this is not making me horny. You definitely should talk to someone, but a professional, not me. And what's messed up is even if the date goes well, guess what, Men with depression are twice as likely to have problems what they did. We shouldn't be a surprised. If you're depressed,
your dick is gonna be sad too. If you if you're walking around miserable, your dick is also Gonna be Like Swing Sweet Chairy on Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen. If you like those songs, you can check out my playlist Sad Dick on Spotify. So long story, short Man, go to explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast.
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