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Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up the show. That's a lot about a little. It's we go back and forth quite a bit over things that we care about that maybe you've never even thought about like that, which is fine because these aren't big deals, these aren't life changing events, these aren't world altering global topics. It's just your co host Josh Johnson talking to your other co hosts.
Don't say Sloan. And what we haven't talked about is my brand new nose ring. Bam bam, nose ring. I've wanted to those rings since I was fourteen years old and I could not get one because of acting and modeling and stuff. Now your girl has an established career. So if I want to put a piece of metal in my face again.
Shot through the nostril. Oh man, it's all up to you.
Bro. It hurts so bad. Apparents oh really, oh my god. And like I bled a lot because she was saying, like I was bleeding and she was like, were you drinking yesterday? And I was like yes. Apparently that's why you're not supposed to get like piercings are tattoos when you're that's why you can't get pierces the tatoos when you're drunk, because it makes you bleed more because your bloodstick.
I am. I am indeed happy for you. I'm glad anytime a childhood dream can come true.
You know, it hurts so much, and I got so overwhelmed. But while she was in the middle of do it, she was like, I'm proud of you. And for some reason, oh my god, I'm going to tear up again. It's like it made me feel so much better because she was like, I'm proud of you. You did a good job. I love you. You're doing a good job. And I was like and all of that, because like you, it's it's so much pain at once and it's your face, so you just freak the fuck out for like a second.
But she was like, you're doing a good job. I'm so proud of you. And so to be in that moment where I'm that much pain, but then for somebody to like be very comforting and sweet, it like really just kind of almost reset my brain a little bit. Her name is Genie. It's lived by the Sword tattoo.
Oh well, yeah, shout out to her, and yeah, she's doing a great job and making you feel comfortable, making you feel seen and loved and held.
You know, yeah, because she called herself the gentle piercer. And I was like, there's still a needle going through my nose, but now I get it, Like, oh, it was really nice. And then she found some studs for my second hole in my hair, because these shit's. You know, when you get something done in a flea market, you know, you get what you paid for it. You thought they would have healed up by the time I got out of the ninth grade, but hey, man.
We're all out here doing our best. I think if you are about to get a flea market tattoo, though, any any person out here listening to the podcast thinking about getting a tattoo from your local flea market, you know, right after you go to the farmer's market, I would say, maybe maybe hold up on that. Take a second, yeah, take a second to think about it. Think about if the artwork you want done can be done by anybody else that's an actual tattoo shop.
Now, not to say somebody who's in a flea market is not good.
No, no, it's not about them being good. It's about them having the proper tool. You know what it's like. It's like when you're watching a mob movie, all right, and the person that the mob is after, or the other mob is after, i should say, or even the police. The person that's in the mob gets all shot up by somebody and then they take them to the mob doctor's house. And the mob doctor always has the same speech.
It's like, why you come my home. It's like, well, sir, we know where you live and we were in a hurry.
Okay, so we've been here six times this week.
Yeah, but they're like, why did you come to my home? And I can't do it here. He needs real surgery. We got to go to a hospital. That's all I'm saying. That mob doctor is still a doctor.
He's a budgetarian, but he's still a doctor, you know.
But he cannot with the tools he has available to him, do his job to the best of his ability.
But if I have a booth in the flea market, because I've seen tattoo artists in a flea market before, they have all of the same tools that you'll see.
Okay, I mean I've never got a tattooed before, so maybe it's all the same stuff.
It's just a machine, my friend, the tattoo I have on my hand.
Mm hmm. Wait, as someone who knows you, I know the tattoo you're talking about.
But Josh john said, we wanted enough tangents today. I think it's time for us to talk about the topic at hand. The topic in hand is Santa Clauz, Santa Claus old Saint Nick, Chris motherfucking Kringle himself.
M hm.
And I know the audience is wunningly Wait a minute. If they're talking about that, they're Santa Clause. Can't be talking about whether he's real or not because we already going to ask the course, the question is should we be telling the children about this man or not?
Okay, that is the question.
So Josh Johnson, tell the people what side do you fall on when it comes to the existence of Santa Claus. Should we be telling the children or not? Because you was ready to go. You was trained to go.
As someone who believes in whimsy, as someone who loves wonder.
You try to act like I don't love whimsy and wonder wow the attacks.
As someone who believes in magic.
We're both friends with Matt Richards, so yes, we were believing in magic, Matt Richards.
Who who believes that a childhood has some magic in its.
Whole fucking childhood?
Josh, the whole childhood. You know, I think that Santa is a good starter lesson. I think it's a I think it's worthwhile endeavor.
Lesson in what adults will lie to you?
Yes, that that too.
What's your lesson? Because my lesson is adults will lot of you?
I mean adults a lot of you is a great one. That's no one is disputing that. Like, let's get that one out the way, all right. You looked into the eyes of a child and you lied your face face lie a So now when this child, instead of being two, is twenty two and there's another girl person in their face, try to lie. They'll be like, I remember this, I've been living through this for two decades. All right, I'm ready,
I'm prepped. Okay, in your world with no practice, they'd be like, oh yeah, sure, you must own this house as a poetry major, you know what I mean. So then that's my thing is that, you know, it helps it helps instill a sense of how the world works. I think it introduces fantasy in a way that is both fun and has stakes, you know, and has a payoff at the end.
Okay, once again incorrect. I remember telling some evil woman that I used to work with, not evil, hateful, hateful little woman that I used to work with, that when I was growing up, because it was like around Christmas time or whatever. And I said, when I was growing up, you know, my mom never told us to say it was real. She didn't tell us he wasn't real, but
she never said that he was and he was. She was like, oh you She tried to tell me that I had a bad childhood because my mother didn't tell me that some fictional white man was breaking into our house to bring me presents. And I was like, you think my entire childhood was bad for this one. Let me let me get up because I almost said something that was gonna get me in a fight that day. There's so many other things that happened, Like I didn't
grow up with a father. You think that affected Santa Claus. You think Santa Claus is a participitately, that's what you think took my childhood out? Was one nigga once a year claiming to do something that he didn't fucking do.
But look, did you ever did you ever wonder what it would have been like to sit in Santa's lap and tell him what you wanted and then get it?
I would have. I wondered more what it would have been like to sit in my father's lap and tell him what I wanted to get it? Fair Enough, my father's supposed to be there every day Santa comes, but once a year.
Yeah.
Yeah, the thing is As a child, I never I never believed in it because it never made any sense to me.
Well, on top of it, this is the other thing too, because you run into this when you're trying to tell the story of Santa to children, who are you know, inquisitive some would say precocious.
Not stupid.
Wow.
I took gifted classes starting from ten years old. I was never a dumb child. I learned how to read
because my cousin could read. Because this is the most fucked up part about this Santa thing, plenty of children to go, Hey, it doesn't make any sense that this man is on a sleigh being pulled by livestock by fucking deer across the planet, dropping off presents, right, even though they do the Santa tracker on the fucking news, and you know, I've always wondered if they do all the letters that people send out, because I'm sure they just burn them at the end of the day. They
can't keep them. There's just too much space, right, so burning of these sands. I hope they burn them. They do something, shred them, turn them into more paper. Help somebody, right. So the thing that was always the most deceptives of the Santa shit is that you would have a child going this doesn't make any sense. This can't be real, and then an adult goes, yes, it is, and the child's like, but wait a minute, how does he get
across the world. It's magic? What I would listen. I could believe in Bigfoot before I could believe in Santa Claus.
Once again, more practice, all right, practice what because as an adult right now, you know that there are things that logically, as a smart person you look at and you're like, this doesn't make sense. But it is what it is, isn't it? And now you're learning to live in a world where things don't make sense. They don't make sense. We both know they don't make sense. You and I have discussed things where we're like, yo, are we all the same page? Does that make it and
you're like, yes, but it is what it is. And then you're now learning to cope in a world that doesn't make sense, that is unfair and full of lies.
Right. But the other thing is is that you're giving us a thing. You're giving us a lie that's not even attached to It's like, as a child that could never figure out what Santa Claus had to do with the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, it would have been more sense to me if the three kings that came and brought presents to the baby Jesus came to children to give them presents. And I know
the whole thing is Saint Nicholas. We've all seen that fucking what is it claymation, stop motion, we've all seen, right, Yeah, so one dude, and I don't know where, was it the Netherlands or fucking one of them places.
Yeah, some were cold, some were cold.
And white gave children presents and then all of a sudden we were like, yeah, and then he did it to the whole world my way, No, this doesn't make any sense. So for me, it's this myth came about because one one white man did one thing and we can't forget like Columbus, and so instead of just him being one of the many and the pantheon of saints, m now we sitting on we putting our children and grown men's laps and malls. Who came up with going to the mall Santam? Who came up at the mall Santa?
Why do they have to sit in his lamp? Who is this pervert? They came up with this? You knew I was gonna say. You knew I was gonna do.
Yeah, I knew you were gonna say. I this is what I will say. Okay, how about this, I'll extend another olive branch. That is not so much about the telling as it is about the employability. Okay, let's be honest. You see a dude who look exactly like Santa, spitting image of Sannah, right right, I don't really have a job, doesn't really have much of going on in his life. Okay, why not at least let him get some seasonal work.
This man who is not able to sustain himself the other eleven months of the year, you.
Would need some Santa work in November.
Yeah, eleven and a half month.
You have to start with thinking, Yeah, yeah, to start with Thanksgiving.
Eleven and a half months. Yeah, Disney ain't got it.
Okay, But but because he doesn't have it, let's give him something. Let's give him something to do. You out here, you're you're old, all right. You got you got a bellowing voice that nobody can really tell where your diaphragm is. Your diaphragm is in your foot. You got a big beard because no matter how much you cut your hair, it just spring. You don't even get five o'clock shadow, Okay, you get six o'clock nightfall, all right, every day.
And you got a rosy cheeks and a button No, not other shit. Listen, I get it.
Maybe you're an alcoholic. Maybe it's because they have, you know, they have a taste for the four loco or taste for the balt liquor. Maybe they just have something that gets things a bit a bit rosy in the cheeks.
What you don't want is an elderly white man addicted to four logo.
No, no, it's a problem. Did you say you'd rather he Drake Crack Brown? Oh? I thought you said Drake Crack And I was like incredible. I mean, an old white man built like Santa, Drake and Crack would be a holiday miracle. He'd be calling people right there. He'd be like, Dash and Dancer, get over here, get over here real quick.
Sir again, my name is Kevin.
Yeah, sir, my name is Officer Willims.
Okay, Rudolph, listen, it's Santa. You know, it's you know, this is regular tropes. You know, Santa employees, child labor. I get it. I don't have a problem with that because I think what what I don't understand is are elves always children?
I was under the impression that el's who were never children. I was under the impression they were elves. No, you have to be a baby to be an elf, to be a creature. But what's a grown elf? A grown elf is still an elf?
Yeah, baby elf is still an elf.
Then why those elves with him look forty?
But sometimes they look like kids.
Sometimes, But a lot a lot of those el's be looking keebler. When you see those North Pole pictures and stuff.
Well, one that's not a real place.
Wait a second, Wait, wait a bit, second, hour, a day picture, wait, wait a moment.
Tell me about the North Pole pictures.
We have waited to what a third of the way in to start talking about what are at our real places.
The North Pole is a real place. But them pictures are talking about the North Pole pictures. Those are the mall in Santa Monica.
No, no, I understand, I who do you think you're talking to?
Like this?
This is crazy?
I can't tell you see those North Paul pictures And I'm like, what North Paul Pictures? All pictures?
I'm talking about the cartoons of talking in Yes, the Santa Monica mal pictures.
A lot of the materials.
A lot of these elves have beards, so in my mind they're not kids.
Well it depends on the casting because in some of them they're children and some of them they're adults, and then another ones they're just old children. It was like as a child, but they're a thousand years old, like five hundred years old?
What is an old child? Do you mean an adult now? Because that's what happens when kids get older. Though, No, you know, I've never heard anybody be like, oh, yeah, my baby over there eight hundred months.
No, Like you ever seen the movie The Santa Claus with Tim Allen m hm, so you know when the movie like we're gonna get the movie. He starts and it's like he's like, there's kids in here. It's like, why are there kids in here? Shouldn't they be in school? And he was like, that kid's four hundred years old. You see, That's what I'm saying. I because they're elves. They look like children, some classification of elves look like children forever. That's what I'm saying. So when I say.
Old old child, when you say what I mean, yeah, yeah, you somehow still don't mean grown. You mean an actual old child, just a dusty old third parce.
Yes, also, eight hundred months old is sixty six years old.
Mm hmmm mm hmm. Because we decided that after eighteen years, we might as well just act like you're an adult, even if you are.
Listen, I think eighteen I've been saying this when I was eighteen. Eighteen is not an.
Adult really, No, I feel like it starts earlier than that. But to be an adult, yeah, yeah, fuck that. There's a lot of people. There are a lot of people. I remember when I was like sixteen, and I just with my peers, I was like, oh, some of y'all, especially when somebody's like on on the spectrum of good and evil. Right, when someone is very very good and they actually have so much emotional intelligence that they know what to do in every situation, things that almost can't
be taught. They know what to do in lots of situations. They know how to nurture people, they know how to care for people, all that stuff like that. I'm like you, I understand we're both sixteen right now, but you come off obviously, you come off way more of you're sixty, sure, exactly.
And then when somebody's evil, I've met people people who were actually too evil nothing even and I'll go out on lemon say it just because I knew them well enough, nothing in their life had happened bad enough to teach them how to be this evil, and they were already this evil. I'm like, y'all, are you need to be tried as an adult, sir? Like that?
No, I was saying, we're trying to say to somebody that, like we were trying to like me and uh, me and the guy were trying to talk to one of my friends because one of those like another one of those shootings, that mass shootings had happened, and were like, some motherfuckers are just.
Born evil and she's like, no, I think that.
And I was like Noah. She was like and I was like, we were like, nah, bitch, no, no, no. Some mother fuckers come out the womb warning pure chaos, death and destruction, and you don't know why. They don't know why.
I go back and forth, like, let's say we didn't know each other, right, and I was on trial and you were and you were the jury. You know, I don't know. I don't. I don't because here's the thing. You'd either before me, and it'd be and you'd really have to be convinced that I did something, or you'd be against me, and it'd be like, m look, I know you got all this evidence he didn't do it. But I saw his face. It's like it's like, oh my.
Gosh, now you know me. You know me. You know I'd be reading Motherfuckers the house down boots as the kids say, uh huh, I'm out here reading. Listen. I am getting my summer reading together. I'm finna get these pizza hook coupons. I am reading for the children. I am the lie Prairie. And sometimes you just catch a vibe behind somebody and you're like, oh, let me stay
the fuck away from you. There's just certain people like that, we're just like, especially as like as a woman, there's just certain like some I've had a guy coming with me, He's like, hey, can I just wait? Nope, And I walked up. My was like what happened? I was like, girl, I was gonna end up on the fucking news if I talk to that man.
And look, I'm just saying it would.
Have found me in various appliances. I'm in a broken fucking barbie. Then it just showed me back together. I looked like that damn bitch from what's it? Uh fucking nightmare before Christmas? At it to stitch me back together like a fucking to our dog. Uh uh fuck that. I want to open gasket. I promise my mama that if I go first, you gonna see me bitch. Fuck that.
I'm simply saying that based off what we've talked about, some people, they I feel like they grow up at a different like level and layer and look just to bring it all back. I felt the same way about Santa, right. I was told about Santa, and I stopped believing pretty young, right, But then I think that was I think it was eight, so from like.
That makes sense. Those kids that still believe in Santa at like twelve and thirteen, we're always like, oh.
Okay, yeah, but you see, that's another lesson. That's another thing that helps helps you evaluate your peers, right, is that I think this person, we were all sold the same bill of goods. Not obviously not at all, because
there's different people who don't cellbreate Christmas in it. I'm just saying out of the mix of people who were sold the same bill of goods, there's some people that fell for it, some people that didn't fall for it, some people that fell for it and then figured it out pretty quick, and then some people who are still just living a dream.
Listen. And I think the thing that I always bugged me because I remember in school not believing in Santa and being told because I never believed in them because to me just didn't make sense. And I think the other reason that my mother did not perpetuate this is because my mother worked hard. She raised me and my brother by herself. So because of that, I don't think she wanted us to because she's like she would get us. There'd be like, you know, one of the gifts would
be from your sip. I'm like your sibling. One of the gifts would be from her, and one of the gifts would be from Santa, you know what I mean. Among the gifts that we got, and there was always this Santa gift. And by the time I was like eight, I was like, you know, I don't believe in Santa, right, and my brother was like I don't either. She was like okay, but we still got this Santa gift. And the Santa gift was the gift that we didn't know what we were going to get, right, and some stuff
we picked out and then some stuff we'd get. It is a surprise gift. So it was like this concept, but none of us believed it. I just could never get like, okay, we would take with this Chris Kringle thing whatever Christmas is, like, this is the birth of Christ. This is what we're doing right, because I don't like I remember like asking a girl I was friends with in college, like you know, she was like because she had we were cool, but she had a slip mouth sometimes.
One day I asked her, I was like, why are do you because she's a stanch atheist right to the point when she was rude like most atheists are. It's always like, it's always good to meet an atheist who doesn't tell you they're an atheist, because usually when you meet an atheist that I'm like, this their whole personality.
Yeah, it depends on the person, because I feel like there are people who atheism is kind of that that uh strain of cross fit or veganism or something where it's like if you get into it enough, especially if you get into it after growing up religious, I think that it becomes a big it becomes a big marker for you of journey changed.
Right, because it's like you're being defiant, right. But I asked her a day. I was like, wait, if you're an atheist, why are you celebrating Christmas?
M hm?
And she said what do you mean? I said, Christmas?
I mean it's most of the name.
It's most I've got. I was like, Christ, it's seventy percent of the name. It's Christ.
It's Christ moss right, getting extra.
Extra, this is the beginning of the Christ, the Christ child is born. And she was like, well, you know, Christmas is a religious holiday. And I was like, bitch, what do you mean. I said, of course it is, because that's why people who aren't Christian. That's why Jews don't celebrate it. That's why Muslims don't celebrate it, and Buddhist, all of these other religious Hindus, all of these other people of other religious don't celebrate Christmas because they're not Christian.
And she's like, well, it's an American holiday. And I said, it's literally a religious holiday.
That's so funny. It's an American holiday. Is probably the most American thing a person could say, dude, because it's like, you know, when you go to you know, Ecuador at Christmas time, they're gonna have Christmas.
Christmas when you are the Philippines, when you go to Mexico, Mexico, Kenya, China, A, Afghanistan, anywhere that has Christmas time is always Christmas time. I did find out one of my old boss her husband was Romanian Orthodox and they celebrate Christmas on a different day.
Oh yeah, some people do this thing of like it's the general time. But yeah, I've heard of some people. Some people even have their like like people who do go to church ford and stuff have their church service on the day. Some of them have it the day before, some of them only really have it the Sunday leading up.
To right, So you're talking about Christmas being non really She was like yeah, And I was like, so you're celebrating presents and gift giving? What are you She was so angry at me. It probably it didn't help that we were at her house making Christmas cookies and I was like, so, why are you celebrating this holiday? This is crazy? What are we even doing? Yeah?
Yeah, you're literally stirring things up, you know, with your words.
So you know kinte clause one. My brother has a picture with black statter for when he's a kid, and like, just like different cultures will have like they're Jesus like kind of like tuned up to what they look like kitty clause because I follow the real Black Santa on Instagram. Yeah, but also I was like, well, there's a lot of Korean churches, right, because Koreans, you know, you know, Koreans
fuck with Jesus. A lot of them do. When Santa comes to the Korean church, is it a white man or is he Korean?
Look? I think that that does depend on the culture. You reminded me of, Lord, what.
Did I remind you of?
One time? My friend? Okay, this is who knows if anyone will find this fudy. So you know how sometimes when you're growing when you're growing up, different kids just have different like home situations, their parents have different levels of income, right, yes, And I remember one time I was I don't know if it was an after school thing or if it was soccer, it was some it was some extracurricular thing, because me and this kid did not go to school together, right, And I asked him,
you know what Santa got him for Christmas? Because we're all little, We're like seven or something, right, And I'll never forget this because even at the time, I was like even without understanding jokes yet, because you know, you laugh when you're a kid and stuff that, but I didn't understand jokes like I wasn't a joke writer when I was seven, you know, and so but I still understood like puns and wordplay. And you know, this kid and he's still probably to this day, doesn't know how
funny what he said was. But but I asked him what he got for Christmas? Like what if? And this kid said, all said, all I got from Santa this year was a cold right, because he went to the mall and Sada was clearly sick that day, right, So then sat over here, like what do you want from Chris? And so this kid said he literally was like laid it back from Santa a little bit because he's in his lap, but he's like Sada over here, like sniffling, like using his beard to wipe his nose and stuff.
And it was like he was like, I think I got a cold, and I think I got it from Santa because like, nobody in my family is sick.
But so I guess he didn't even get any presents.
That's what I'm saying. Yes, that's why I thought maybe some listeners might not find the entire story funny, but I feel like it's important and it's an important lesson. So we were talking about lessons, which is one of the reasons that I have the stance that I have.
But you keep saying that, like Sant, but the least lessons don't seem like fun lessons.
Like it's not a lessons supposed to be fun.
I hear you, but it's like it seems to be like, oh, you ask Santa for this new toy truck and you got socks. Right, you don't know that your family can't afford this new toy truck. You just know you got socks or you ask for you know, something outrageous. It's like, Okay, you have no athletic skills in any fucking form or fashion, and you wanted this expensive baseball love and your parents got you a truck.
Mm hmm, they didn't.
It's not that Sandy didn't hear you, is that they know you have no athletic skills and the money they would have spent on this baseball glove because you want to be a baseball player and you have fucking four left feet. Stuff could get blamed on Santa. But then when you but think about it, like then you becoming it, like you get a little older and you learn Santa's not real, and it's like, okay, well then why didn't I get my baseball glove? Didn't?
Yeah? Poverty, yeah, or just like or just general like nah, we weren't gonna not.
Doing We're not doing that over here. So it's like, I guess I've never understood the point of the magic of Christmas is diverging birth. So I don't know if we added in more magic because it's around the solstice time and you know, trying to convert Pagans into Christianity. So you put it at that time, which is why they say Easter is the time that it is, and that's why the Easter bunny and the eggs I'll go along with Eastern. That's always been confusing for me. Also,
did you know I know? I didn't know, So I was a full I'm talking about, graduated from college, found this out.
Okay, did you know that the.
Easter bunny is supposed to bring you in an Eastern basket like Santa brings you presents?
Yeah? Yeah, no really, Now why did you think they were selling Easter baskets?
I just thought it was a thing because there was a bunny and eggs and eggs go in the basket. Because my mother called the Easter was Resurrection Day.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, So it was like my.
Aunt my godmother would give us Easter baskets. But I because my mother never really told us that Santa Claus and she definitely wasn't on bo. She's like, I'm not telling you. I was like, I asked her as an adult. I was like, why didn't She's like, I wasn't gonna do that.
I'm with you, I'm with you.
I think that I didn't you, So wait, did you get an Easter basket?
I did get an Easter basket. Some years there was one year where I'm like, I don't know if there's there's a year where it started to gap a little bit.
I can tell you Easter baskets for once you get past the age of life, like nine, Easter baskets suck.
They're not good.
No, once you're an older, Like when you're a little kid, it's like here's little little toy like little things, and then once you get older, it's like you put a fucking football in a basket I didn't want.
Yeah, yeah, what half of these things? Huh? Or I only want half of these things.
Also, I think it's weird that like in America we say Merry Christmas, but in the UK, in the UK, they say Happy Christmas. And I'm like, you motherfucker, seem like the one who'll be using the word mary.
Yeah. No, that is switched, I think pretty heavily. Like that's like, that's that seems like we should be saying happy. They should be saying mary Mary. Now, okay, this this is where because you were mentioning the lessons, you were mentioning.
Lessons, but also it's I don't understand. I guess I've never understood the point, like, for instance, like I don't understand the point of the Easter Bunny either, because Christians only got you holidays.
Yeah, the Easter Bunny is to me like almost indefensible. It doesn't make any sense to me.
N I'm like, where does they come from? Who sent him? At least Saint Nicholas I think was an actual saint, right.
Yeah, and and and it's a bigger thing overall in the world. So Santa Claus. There are some countries that have Babushka, there are some countries that have like there's there's so many different versions of this same thing.
Isn't it the Dutch dude that has a slave.
I know about like Black Pete, but I don't know if that's Santa to them.
Yeah, So children are taught to believe they received their presence from Saint Nicholas, who was accompanied by a black servant called Black Peter. Adults will dress up as Saint Nicholas and Black Peter, a white person painted in black face, and visit children and adults. So, yeah, Black Peter is a servant he's a slave, and they are trying to step and stop them from dressing in black face, and they're like, but it's a tradition and there's only seventeen
black people here, sir, are you gonna stop? The Dutch is the Netherlands, so I don't know how many of us live there. I don't do cold white countries. So like in the UK is a Happy Christmas instead of Merry Christmas. But then they call Santa Claus Father Christmas, which makes more sense than Santa Claus.
Here's my thing with Santa versus Father Christmas. Okay. I feel like Father Christmas gets a little too close to like confusing the children, you know, okay, because it's like Father Christmas feels too much like Jesus's dad, whereas Santa Claus feels like a totally different character.
Okay.
You know, like I used to hear people say Father Christmas. Sounds like I don't know if I'm with that one.
You know that makes sense? I mean I still always it just made always made more sense to me because it's like, oh, we get presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got presents. Well, if they get presents on Christmas, because the baby Jesus got presents, then why is it the why have for three wise men's the one bringing us the presence?
No that so when you said that at the beginning of the episode, that may a lot of sense to me. And I'm surprised no one has done that as a I'm surprised that thing never caught on if there's such a shared understanding of the story of Christmas, I think that for me, when it comes to telling kids about Christmas, the second side, the unfair and the sad side of the lesson and everything is the disappointment, you know, because.
It like they're like, you know, Santa sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're away, So Santa's a fucking stalker, which is a joke that's been made a million times. I get it. It's like it's like that whole Elf on the Shelf thing where it's like, hey, this tiny ELL's gonna watch everything you do and if you mess up, he's gonna. Like I've heard people go,
if you act bad, you're gonna tell Santa. And it's like, then, what did you do the other eleven months of the fucking year when your child was acting like a maniac. M have you using Santa? You're in just you know, a strong march, just flying through April, going Santa, Santa. Santa's like this child is four, he doesn't remember yesterday, Like why are you telling him about? Like there anyway
with Santa. But it's like I remember, like the first time, like learning about the story of Christmas, right, the virgin birth. They're going, there's no room at the end. You're boring in a manger, weazy f baby, right. So I remember the whole time hearing this whole story in the three and Frank instance mer Gold, you know, the stars and all this other stuff. I remember going, but where is Santa? And my mother was like what I said, where's Santa? If this is the story of Christmas, where is Santa?
And she was like great question. And then she had explained to me how Santa was not involved with the baby Jesus and I was like, so he wasn't there. I no remembering to the school being like, well if Santa wasn't there, why is he here now?
Coca Cola, wake up, wake up, Understand that there's there's a bigger thing at play. Okay, then your little holiday there's a grind happening. Oh no, no, no, Santa been on a grind for decades.
Now with the Coca Cola bottling company.
So it is a co Copaa in company. That's what that's what we call a partnership. Okay. Santa is a brand ambassador, all right, pushing this Coca Cola to the children, to the Americas. Okay. I wish that I could be on my hustle the way Santa is.
All right, Say you live somewhere like Australia, okay, because comes it's hot.
Yeah, Christmas comes hot Florida. Sure, sure, I'm with Christmas.
It's very interesting because it's like one you and my brother got a super soaker for Christmas because it was Miami in December. Yeah.
Yeah, And I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what right now, you want to talk about Australia, you want to talk about Florida. Whatever. Santa makes it over there too, because he's on his grind all right. On one hundred thousand Go Away. You're telling how many miles prior it takes to get from Australia to the North Pole to Florida, that he does it all in.
One night.
In one night, all right, one night. If you told me that all I had to do to have a nearly year off was to grind for one night, I do it.
Listen, But I think I remember as a kid almost trying to justify it, and it's like, okay, it's probably the whole country is that he gets to skip.
There are countries that he gets to skip. But he also got the plan and he got the logistics. Right. You never see somebody ever tap their temple that's actually saying something smart.
He got the logistics.
Okay, you see what I'm saying right here. He got the logistics down all right, He got his routes already planned out. He got the l's. Because that's the other thing that people don't realize is sometimes sometimes it's about synergy. Sometimes it's about building yourself up and then having people under you. So then you got Sanna right here, right, and then he got five l's. That also got five l's that they were their friends, and then they each get five l's, and so you get a little triangle
going right, and then a real pyramid. We don't really use words like that because that's that's the type of stuff the haters say Okay, So anyway, you got your triangle of success.
But listen, if you want a triangle of success, would you rather have a one side or would you rather have a triangle with four?
I mean now you're thinking, now you think it that that's actually once again, I don't know, it's not clicking for you about what's helpful and what's hateful.
Okay, so you only do three sided pyramids.
You know, I can tell I can tell what somebody not gonna take the mission seriously, like I could tell what somebody six no, no, no, I can tell that's that's cool, that's cool. I get it. You aren't ready to receive the message, you know, you're not really ready to be on it like Santa's on it.
Okay, so when do you buy one? I found out that because for some reason, the conversation of the genders of the reindeer came up, because okay, because why not, because why the fuck not? And somebody was saying that all of them are a male, and then I was looking at it and it's like they weren't. Apparently all of them would have to be female.
Including Rudolph, including Rudolph.
Oh okay, because of the time of year, and also female reindeer also have antlers. Let's google this. What I'm saying is that there's a lot of things that we ask because it comes to stuff like this, because like we're trying to do the logistics, we're trying to like, oh it already, I said, we're Santa's reindeer. Here we go. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, comic Keeper, Doughter and Blitzen and yes, even Rudolph are ladies. The original ete, first introduced in the eighteen twenty three
poem A Visit This is so funny? Who runs the slave girls? Science says Sander's ray deer are all actually female. And this is in People magazine.
Let me tell you something that just makes me respect Santa even more, all right, because it makes me respect more women.
Oh so the males of the species shed their head your mid December. Mm hmmm, so they wouldn't have so.
While these dudes out here with busted tail lights right right. Santah was like, ladies, we gotta do we we It's up to us, all right, It's you, me and the elves wherever they are. The Santa Is. I think it's good for the children now he's not.
It's the thing is, it's there are parents that work very hard, very hard to give their children Christmas, might work an extra job. When you remember the footage from the tick of Me Elmos.
I'm with you, yeah, rather than dad.
Yeah, I just fought seven bitches and a target at two in the morning to get your little lasses. Elm.
I threw bowls for you.
I threw bowls for you.
Yeah, I'm with you.
I'm just ripped. I don't I didn't even bring my purse.
Your mom did it perfectly. Your mom did it perfectly. Some of the presents are from me, some of them are from Santa.
Parents work really hard to give their kids Christmas, and this motherfucker gets all the credit. Now, I listen, I gave multiple people black eyes for you to get this Teddy Ruck's pen. I DeBow somebody else to get two of them because I want for you and your brother, and thank you Santa. Santa's not icing his knee right now. Santa does not have frozen peas on his knuckles right now.
Then that's the gift that comes from mom, all right, But the plaid shirt can be from Santa. Why don't you knock Santa down a peg. I'm saying, if you're taking this route, I'm saying to the parents, how about you be a little bit more inventive. How about you make it so that when you have to tell your kid that Santa's not real, they're like, I didn't like his presence anyway. This dude was garb day one.
Okay, had giving me socks and underwear.
You know what, every year, if you really worried about this, I'm just gonna say, in order for your kid to both, I think this is a good middle ground between the two of us. We don't usually do middle grounds, but I'm gonna try, right, I think a good middle ground between the two of us is go ahead and tell
your kid about Santa. But for every Christmas when they ask Santa for all the stuff, you get the stuff that they want from Santa, and then you put the gift under the tree from Santa, and it's just crackers. It's just saltines, you know. And look, some kids love crackers. Some kids will be like, oh my gosh, saltines. I
needed some of these goldfish. But overall, you can be like, all right, look, Santa clearly not coming through heavy with the presents and so then years from now, hopefully just a couple when you have to tell your kid that says not real, they get to learn a lesson about life and they're not as let down because now they know you were the one putting in the work for those presents to begin and with Okay, but yeah, we'll kick it to you the listener. You know, how do
you feel about it? Do you think that people should be told about Santa? Should not be told about Santa? Do you think it's harmful or helpful? Do you think that we did a good job presenting to you the facts of our argument and some pretty good along the way things.
Thank you for listening to hold up. You can catch me on the show shows Socioals Given It at dul Saysloan on Everything, and you can also check out Josh Johnson.
I'm Josh Johnson Comedy on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube find me at those places. I also do a podcast called The Josh Johnson Show you can check out. And other than that, I'm just looking to be around, meet you, hit me up. You know, I want to hear about your day. I'm just chilling, you know, tell me a crazy story.
I love to hear, thank you listening to hold up?
Oh no ah, Eh, I'll tell you kids about Santa.
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