Lie About Santa vs. Tell The Truth - Hold Up with Dulcé Sloan & Josh Johnson

to hold Up the Show. That's a lot about a little It's it's we go back and forth quite a bit over things that we care about that maybe you've never even thought about like that, which is fine because these aren't big deals, these aren't life changing events. These aren't world altering global topics. It's just uh, your co host Josh Johnson talking to your other co hosts, don't say sloan. And what we haven't talked about is my

brand new nose ringing bam bam M no drink. I've wanted to nose drinks since I was fourteen years old, and I could not get one because of acting and modeling and stuff. But now your girl has an established career, so if I want to put a piece of metal in my face, like shot through the nostril. Oh, it's all up to you, bro It hurts so bad, apparent, Oh my god, And like I bled a lot because she was saying, like I was bleeding, and she was like,

were you drinking yesterday? And I was like, yes, Apparently that's why you're not supposed to get like piercings or tattoos when you're That's why you can't get tatos when you're drunk, because it makes you bleed more because your blood stead I am. I am indeed happy for you. I'm just glad any time a childhood dream can come true. You know, it hurts so much, and I got so overwhelmed. But while she was in the middle of do it, she was like, I'm proud of you. And for some reason,

oh my god, gonn chear up again. It's like it made me feel so much better because she was like, I'm proud of you. You did a good job. I love you. You're doing a good job. And I was like and all of that, because like you, it's it's so much pain at once, and it's your face, so you just freak the funk out for like a second.

But she was like, you're doing a good job and so proud of you, and so to be in that moment where I'm that much pain, but then for somebody to like be very comforting and sweet, it like really just kind of almost reset my brain a little bit. Her name is Genie. It's lived by the Sword tattoo. Okay, well, yeah,

shout out to her. And she's doing a great job and making you feel comfortable, making you feel sane and loved and held, you know, yeah, because she called herself the gentle Piercon And I was like, there's still a needle going through my nose um, but now I get it, Like, oh, it was really nice. And then she found some studs for my second hole in my hair because these ships, you know, when you get something done in a flame market,

you know, you get what you pay for it. You have thought they would have healed up by the time I got out of the ninth grade, but hey man, we're all out here doing our best. I think if you are about to get a flea market tattoo, though, any any person out here listening to the podcast thinking about getting a tattoo from your local flea market, you know, right after you go to the farmer's market. I would say, maybe maybe hold up on that. Take a second, take

a second to think about it. Think about if the artwork you want done can be done by anybody else that's an actual tattoo shop. Now, not to say somebody who's in a flea market is not good. No, no, it's not about them being good. It's about them having the proper tool. You know what it's like. It's like when you're watching a mob movie, all right, and the person that that the mob is after, or or the other mob is after, i should say, or even the police.

The person that's in the mob gets all shot up by somebody and then they take him to the mob doctor's house. And the mob doctor always has the same speeches, like why you come my home. It's like, well, sir, we know where you live and we were in a hurry. Okay, so we've been here six times this week. Yeah, but they're like, why did you come to my home? And I can't do it here. He needs real surgery. We got to go to a hospital. That's all I'm saying.

That mob doctor is still a doctor. He's a veterinarian, but he's still a doctor. You know, but he cannot, with the tools he has available to him, do his job to the best of his ability. But if I have a booth in the flea market, because I've seen tattoo artists in a flea marketing before, they have all the same tools that you'll see, Okay, I mean I've never got a tattooed before, so maybe it's all the same stuff. It's just a machine, my friend, the tattoo

I have on my hand. M wait about as someone who knows you, I know the tattoo you're talking about. But Josh Johnson, we weren't enough t just today. I think it's time for us to talking about the topic at hand. The topic at hand is Santa Cluse, Santa Claus old St Nick Chris motherfucking Cringo himself. And I know the audience is when like, wait a minute, they're

talking about that, they're Santa Claus. We can't be talking about whether he's real or not because we already The question is should we be telling the children about this man or not? That is the question. So Josh Johnson telling the people what side you fall on when it comes to the existence of Santa Clause. Should we be telling the children or not, because you was ready to go. You was trained to go as someone who believes in whimsy,

as someone who loves wonder. You try to act like I don't love Wimsey and Wonder the attacks as someone who believes in magic. We're both friends with Matt Richards. So yes, so we were believing in magic. The same one who who believes that a childhood has some magic in it, has some fucking childhood, Josh, the whole childhood, you know. Um, I think that's Santa is a good starter lesson. I think it's a I think it's worthwhile endeavor lesson in what adults will lie to you? Yes,

that that too, what's your lesson? Because my lesson is adults will lot of you? I mean adults will lot to you. Is a great one. That's no one is disputing that. Like, let's get that it out the way, all right. You looked into the eyes of a child and you lied your face. Hey, so now when this child, instead of being two, is twenty two and there's another growth person in their face, try to lie. They'll be like I remember this. I've been living through this for

two decades, all right, I'm ready I'm prepped. Okay, in your world with no practice, they'd be like, oh yeah, sure, you must own this house as a poetry major, you know what I mean. So then that's my thing is that you know, it helps, it helps instill a sense of how the world works. I think it introduces fantasy in a way that is both fun and has stakes, you know, and has a payoff at the end. Okay,

once again, incorrect. Ah. I remember telling some evil woman that I used to work with, not evil, hateful, hateful little woman that I used to work with, that when I was growing up, because it was like around Christmas time or whatever. And I said, when I was growing up, you know, my mom never told us to Santa was real. She didn't tell us he wasn't real, but she never said that he was and he was. She was like,

oh you. She tried to tell me that I had a bad childhood because my mother didn't tell me that some fictional white man was breaking into our house to bring me presents. And I was like, you think my entire childhood it was bad for this one. Let me let me get up because I almost said something that was gonna get me in a fight that day There's so many other things that happened, Like I didn't grow up with a father. You think that affected Santa Claus.

You think Santa Claus was partiplate. That's what you think took my childhood out? Was one nigga once a year claiming to do something that he didn't do. But look, did you ever did you ever wonder what it would have been like to sit in Santa's lap and tell him what you wanted and then get it. I would have what I wondered more, what it would have been like to sit in my father's lap and tell him what I wanted to get it? Fair Enough, your father is supposed to be there every day Santa comes, but

once a year. Yeah. Yeah. The thing is as a child, I never I never believed in it because it never made any sense to me. Well, on top of it, this this is the other thing too, because you run into this when you're trying to tell the story of Santa. Uh. Two children? Who are you know? Inquisitive? Some would say precocious, not stupid. Wow. I took gifted classes, start eating from

ten years old. I was never a dumb child. I learned how to read because my cousin could read because this is this is the most fucked up part about this Santa thing. Plenty of children and go, hey, it doesn't make any sense that this man is on a slay being pulled by livestock, by fucking dear across the planet, dropping off presents. Right, you didn't even know to do

the Santa tracker on the fucking news. And you know, I've always wondered what they do all the letters to people send out, because I'm sure they just burned them at the end of the They can't keep them. There's just too much space, right, So it was burning and they saying I hope they burned them. They had to do something, shred them, turn them into more paper, help somebody, right. So the thing that was always the most deceptive of the Santa ship is that you would have a child

going this doesn't make any sense. This can't be real, and then an adult goes, yes, it is, and the child's like, wait a minute, how did but how does he get across the world? It's magic what I would listen. I could believe in Bigfoot before I could believe in Santa Claus. Once again, more practice, all right, because because as an adult right now, you know that there are things that logically, as a smart person you look at and you're like, this doesn't make sense. But it is

what it is, isn't it. And now you're learning them live in a world where things don't make sense. They don't make sense. We both know they don't make sense. You and I have discussed things where we're like, yo, are we all the same page? Doesn't make it and you're like, yes, but it is what it is. And then you're now learning to cope in a world that doesn't make sense, that is unfair and full of lies. Right. But the other thing is is that you're giving us

a thing. You're giving us a lie that's not even attached to It's like I a child, I could never figure out what Santa Claus had to do with the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It would have been more sense to me if the three kings that came and brought presents to the baby Jesus came to children to give them presents. And I under I know the whole thing is St. Nicholas. We've all seen

that fucking what is it? Claymation, stop motion? We've all said, right, so one dude, and I don't know where, was it the Netherlands or sucking one of them places, somewhere cold, somewhere cold and white, gave children presents and then all of a sudden we were like yeah, and then he did it to the whole world. No, that doesn't make

any sense. So for me, it's this myth came about because one one white man did one thing and we can't forget, like Columbus, and so instead of just him being one of the many in the pantheon of saints, m now we're sitting on put our children growing men's laps and malls. Who came up with going to the mall? Santa? Who came up with the mall? Santa? Why do they have to sit in his lap? Who is this pervert that came up with this? You knew what I'm gonna say,

you're gonna do? You know? I knew you were going to say. I this is what I will say. Okay, how about this, I'll extend another olive branch that is not so much about the telling as it is about the employability. Okay, let's be honest. You see a dude who look exactly like Santa spitting him into Santa right, I don't really have a job, doesn't really have a bunch of going on in his life. Okay, why not

at least let him get some seasonal work. And this man who was not able to sustain himself the other eleven months of the year, you get in some sand of work in November. Yeah, eleven and a half months. You have to start with. Yeah, yeah, to start with Thanksgiving eleven and a half months. Yeah, Disney ain't got it. Okay, But but because he doesn't have it, let's give him something.

Let's give him something to do. You you out here, you're you're old, all right, You got you got a bellowing voice that nobody can really tell where your diaphragm is. Your diaphragm is in your foot. You got a big beer because no matter how much you cut your hair, it just spring. You don't even get five o'clock shadow, Okay, you get six o'clock nightfall, all right, every day. And you got a rosy cheeks and a button nose and all other ship. Listen, I get it. Maybe you're an alcoholic.

Maybe it's because they have, you know, they have a taste for the four local, a taste for the malt liquor. Maybe they just have something that gets things a bit a bit rosy in the cheeks. You don't want is an elderly white man local. No, no, it's a problem. Did you say you'd rather hee drake crack crown? Oh? I thought you said drake crack, And I was like, incredible, an old white man built like saying a drake and crack would be a holiday miracle. He'd be called people

write needs. He'd be like, dash your dancer, get over here, get over real quick, sir again, my name is Kevin, Yeah, sir, my name is Officer Will Gambs. Okay, Rudolph, listen, it's Santa, and you know it's you know the regular tropes. You know Santa employs child labor. I get it. I don't have a problem with that because I think what I don't understand is our elves always children. I wasn't under the impression that elves were never children. I was under

the impression they were elves. No, you have to be a baby to be an elf, to be a creature. But what's a grown elf? A grown elf is still an elf. Baby elf was still an elf? Then why those elves with him? Look forty, but sometimes they look like kids sometimes, but a lot a lot of those elves will be looking key blur. When you see those North Pole pictures and stuff, well, one that's not a

real place. Wait a second, wait a bit, second, hour, a day, wait, wait a moment like these pictures we we have waited to what a third of the way is to start talking about what are at our real places? The North Pall is a real place. But then pictures are talking about North Pole pictures? Those are the mall in Santa Monica. No, no, I understand who do you who do you think you're talking to? Like this? This

is crazy? I can't tell you see those North Pall pictures and I'm like, what North Paul pictures are not something mall pictures. I'm talking about the cartoons of talking in yes, the Santa Monica mall pictures of materials. A lot of these elves have beards, so in my mind they're not kids. Well it depends on the casting because in some of them their children, and some of them they're adults, and then another ones they are just old children. Was like as a child, but there are thousand years old,

like five years old. What is an old child. Do you mean an adult? Because that's what happens when kids get old enough. You know, I've never heard anybody be like, oh yeah, my baby over there a hundred months No, Like you ever seen the movie the Santa Claus with Tim Allen h So, you know when the movie, like we're getting in the movie, he starts and it's like he's like, there's kids in here. It's like, why are their kids in here? So maybe at school and he

was like that kids four hundred years old. That's what I'm saying. Because they're elves. They look like children some classification of my elves look like children forever. That's what I'm saying. So when I say old old child, you say, yeah, you somehow still don't mean grown. You mean an actual old child, just a dusty old. Also, eight hundred months old is sixty six years old? Mm hmmm mmm. Because we we decided that after eighteen years, we might as

well just act like you're an adult, even if you aren't. Listen. I think eighteen I've been saying this when I was eighteen. Eighteen is not an adult really, No, I feel like it starts earlier than that. But but but if we had adults. Yeah, Yeah, there's a lot of people. There are a lot of people. I remember when I was like sixteen and I just in my with my peers, I was like, oh, some of y'all, Especially when somebody's

like on on on the spectrum of good and evil. Right, when someone is very very good and they actually have so much emotional intelligence that they know what to do in every situation, things that almost can't be taught. They know what to do in lots of situations. They know how to nurture people, they know how to care for people all and stuff like that. I'm like you, I understand we're both sixteen right now, but you come off obviously,

you come off way more of your six exactly. And then when somebody's evil, I've met people who were actually too evil, nothing even And I'll go out on limen say it just because I knew him well enough, nothing in their life had happened bad enough to teach them how to be this evil, and they were already this evil. I'm like, y'all, are you need to be tried as an adult, sir? Like like that? No, I would say, we're trying to say to somebody that like we were trying to like me and uh me and other guy.

We're trying to talk to one of my friends because then one of those, like another one of those shootings, that mass shootings had happened, and we're like, some motherfucker's are just born evil. And she's like I think that, and I was like no, she was like, and I was like, we were like, nab bitch, no, no, no. Some of fucker's come out the womb warning pure chaos, death and destruction. And you don't know why. They don't

know why. I go back and forth, like, let's say we didn't know each other, right, and I was on trial and you were and you were in the jury. I don't know. I don't. I don't because here's the thing. You'd either before me, and it'd be and you'd really have to be convinced that I did something, or you'd be a gets ben. It'd be like, look, I know you got all this evidence he didn't do it, but I saw his face. It's like it's like, oh my gosh,

now you know me, you know me. You know I'll be reading Motherfucker's the House down boots as the kid's side. Uh huh. I'm out here reading. Listen. I am getting my son, we are reading it together. I'm gonna get these pizza her coupons. I am reading for the children. I am the lie Brarie. And sometimes you just catch a vibe behind somebody and you're like, oh, let me stay the funk away from you. There's just certain people like that. We're just like, especially as like as a woman,

there's just stain like something. I got a guy coming with me, He's like, hey, can I just went nope, and I walked up. My friend was like what happened? I was like, girl, I was gonna end up on the fucking news if I talked to that man. And look, I'm just saying, they would have found me in various appliances. I'm gonna broken fucking barb. But then it just showed me back together. I looked like that damn bitch from

what's it? Uh fucking nightmare before Christmas? Say that it stiched me back together like a fucking to our dog funk that I want to open gasket. I promised my mama Dad, if I go first, you're gonna see me bitch fuck that. I'm simply saying that based off what we've talked to about some people. They I feel like they grow up at a different like level and layer and look just to bring it all back. I felt

the same way about Santa. Right. I was told about Santa, and I stopped believing pretty young, right, but then I think I was I think I was eight, So from like that makes sense. Those kids that still believe in Santa at like twelve and thirty, we're always like, okay, yeah, but you see, that's another lesson. That's another thing that helps helps you evaluate your peers, right, is that I think this person, we were all we were all sold

the same bill of goods. Not obviously not at all, because there's different people who don't sell very Christmas and its I'm just saying, out of the mix of people who were sold the same bill of goods, there's some people that fell for it, some people that didn't fall for it, some people that fell for it and then figured it out pretty quick, and then some people who

are still just living a dream. Listen, And I think the thing that always bugged me because I remember in school not believing in Santa and being told because I never believed in them because to me just didn't make sense. And I think The other reason that my mother did not perpetuate this is because my mother worked hard. She raised me my brother by herself, and so because of that, I don't think she wanted us to because she's like

she would get us. There'd be like, you know, when the gifts would be from your silf, I'm like your sibling, one of the gifts would be from her, and one of the gifts would be from Santa, you know what I mean. Among the gifts that we got, and there's always this Santa gift. And by the time I was like, hey, I was like, you don't know, I don't believe in Santa, right, And my brother was like I don't either. She was

like okay, but we still got the Santa gift. And the Santa gift was the gift that we didn't know what we were going to get, right, some stuff we picked out and then some stuff we get is a surprise gift. So it was like in this concept, but none of us believed it. M I just could never get like, Okay, we would take this Chris Kringle thing whatever Christmas is, like, this is the birth of Christ.

This is what we're doing right, Because I don't like I remember like asking a girl I was friends with in college, like, you know, she was like because she had we were cool, but she had a slick mouth sometimes. One day I asked, I was like, why are do you because she has a staunch atheist right to the point where she was rude, like most most atheists are.

It's always like, it's always good to meet an atheist who doesn't tell you they're an atheist, because usually when you meet an atheist that I'm like, this their whole personality.

It depends on the person, because I feel like there are people who atheism is kind of that um that strain of cross fit or veganism or something where it's like if you get into it enough, especially if you get into it after growing up religious, I think that it becomes a big It becomes a big marker for were you because the journey changed, right, because you're it's like you're being defiant, right. But I asked her one day, I was like, wait, if you're an atheist, why are

you celebrating Christmas? And she said, what do you mean? I said, Christmas it's most of the name, it's most It's not I I was like, christ it's it's it's seventy of the name. It's Christ, It's Christ Moss extra extra. This is the beginning of the Christ, the Christ child is born. And she was like, well, you know, Christmas is a religious holiday. And I was like, bitch, what do you mean. I said, of course it is, because that's why people who aren't Christian. That's why Jews don't

celebrate it. That's why Muslims don't celebrate it, and Buddhists and all the all of these other religious Hindus, all all of these other people of other religious don't celebrate Christmas because they're not Christian. And she's like, well, it's an American holiday, and I said, it's literally a religious holiday.

That's so funny. Instead, American holiday is probably the most American thing a person could say, because it's like, you know, when you go to you know, Ecuador at Christmas time, they're gonna have Christmas, Christmas when you're the Philippines, when you go to Mexico, Mexico, Kenya, China, Afghanistic, anywhere that has Christmas time is always Christmas time. I did find out one of my my old boss, her husband was Romanian Orthodox and they celebrate Christmas on a different day.

Oh yeah, some some people do this thing of like it's the general time. But yeah, I've heard of some people. Some people even have there, like like people who do go to church for it and stuff have their church service on the day, some of them have at the day before, some of them only really have it the Sunday leading up to. Right, So you're talking about Christmas by non really? She was like yeah. And I was like, so you're celebrating presents and gift giving? What do you

She was so angry at me. Probably it didn't help that we were at her house making Christmas cookies and I was like, so, why are you celebrating the Solida? This is crim What are we even doing? You literally stirring things up, you know with your words, So you know, can't take clause when my brother has a picture with Black Santa for when he's a kid, and you like, just like different cultures where like their Jesus like kind of likening up to what they look like, can't they clause?

Because I follow the real Black Santa on Instagram? Yeah yeah. But also I was like, well, there's a lot of Korean churches, right because Koreans, you know, said shot you know, Koreans stuck with Jesus, A lot of them do. When Santa comes to the Korean church, is it a white man or is he Korean? Look? I think that that does depend on the culture. You you reminded me of. You reminded me what did I remind you of? One time? My friend? Okay, this is who knows if anyone will

five this fard? So you know how sometimes when you're when you're growing up, different kids just have different like home situations, their parents have different levels of income. Right. And I remember one time I was I don't know if it was an after school thing or if it was cocker, it was something it was some extracurricular thing, because me and this kid did not go to school together, right, And I asked him, you know what Santa got him

for Christmas? Because we're all little, We're like seven or something, right, And I'll never forget this because even at the time, I was like, even without understanding jokes yet, because you know when you you laugh when you're a kid and starting that, but I didn't understand jokes, Like I wasn't a joke writer when I was seven, you know, And so but I still understood like puns and word play. And this kid, and he's still probably to this day, doesn't know how funny what he said was. But uh,

but I asked him what he got for Christmas? Like les if this kid said, all said, all I got from Santa this year was a cold, right, because he went to the mall as Santa was clearly sick that day. Right, So they sat over here, like what do you want for Chris? And so this kidd say he literally was like laid it back from Santa a little bit because he's in his lap, but he's like said over here like snifflet like using his beard to wipe his nose

and stuff. And it was like he was like, I think I got a cold, and I think I got it from Santa because like nobody in my family is sick and it. But so I guess he didn't even get any presents. That's what I'm saying. Yes, that that's why I thought maybe some listeners might not find the entire story funny, but I I feel like it's important and it's an important lessons We were talking about lessons, which is one of the reasons I have the stance that I have. But you keep saying that like sad

but little these lessons don't seem like fun lessons. Lessons supposed to be fun. I hear you, but it's like it seems to be like, oh, you asked Santa for this new toy truck and you got socks. Right, you don't know that your family can't afford this new toy truck. You just know you got socks or you asked for you know, something outrageous. It's like, Okay, you have no athletic skills in any fucking form or fashion, and you wanted this expensive baseball glove. Then your parents got you

a truck. They didn't. It's not that said they didn't hear you, is that they know you have no athletic skills and the money they would have spent on this baseball glove because you want to be a baseball player and you have two four four left feet. Stuff can get blamed on Santa. But then when you but but but think about it, like then you becoming like you get a little older, you learn Santa is not real and it's like, okay, well then why didn't I get

my baseball gloved? Yeah? Or just like or just general like na, we weren't gonna doing We're not doing that over here. So it's like, I guess I've never understood the point of the magic of chris Us is the virgin birth. So I don't know if we added in more magic because it's around the solstice time and you know, trying to convert Pagans into Christianity, so you put it at that time, which is why they say Easter is the time that it is, and that's why the Easter

bunny and the eggs I'll go along with Easter. That's always been confusing for me. Also, did you know, I know, I didn't know. I was a full I'm talking about graduated from college, found this out. Did you know that the Easter bunny is supposed to bring it in Easter basket like Santa brings you presents. No, really, you think they were selling Easter baskets. I just thought it was a thing because there was a bunny and eggs and eggs go on a basket. Because my mother called because

the Eastern was Resurrection Day. Yeah, absolutely, so it was like my aunt my godmother would give us Easter baskets. But I because my mother never really told us that Santa Claus was and she definitely wasn't on She's like, I'm not telling you. I was like I asked her as an adult. I was like, why didn't He's like, I wasn't going to do that with you. I think that so you so wait, did you get a Easter basket?

I did get the Eastern basket? Some years there was one year where I'm like, I don't know if there's there's a year where the it started to gap a little bit. I can tell you Eastern baskets, once you get past the age of like nine, Eastern baskets suck. They're not good. No what you're an older like when you're a little kid, it's like here's a little little toy, like little things, and then once you get older, it's like you put a fucking football in a basket I

didn't want Yeah what why half of these things? Or I only want half of these things? Also, I think it's weird that like in America we say Merry Christmas, but in the UK. In the UK they say Happy Christmas, And I'm like, you motherfucker seemed like the one who'll be using the word mary. Yeah. No, that is which I think pretty heavily, Like that's like, that's that seems like we should be saying happy, they should be saying

Mary Mary. Now, okay, this this is where because you were mentioning the lessons, you were mentioned lessons, but also it's I don't understand. I guess I've never understood the point, like, for instance, like I don't understand the point of the Easter Bunny either, because Christians only got to holidays. Yeah, the Easter Bunny is to me like almost indefensible. It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm like, where does

name come from? Who sent him? At least St. Nicholas I think was an actual saint, right, Yeah, and and and it's a bigger thing overall in the world. So Santa Claus. There are some countries that have Babushka, there are some countries that have like there's there's so many different versions of this same thing doing. Isn't it the Dutch dude that has the slave I know about like

Black Pete, but I don't know if that's Santa to them. Yeah, So children are taught to believe they received their presence from St. Nicholas, who was accompanied by a black servant called Black Peter. Adults will dress up as St. Nicholas and Black Peter, a white person painted in black face, and visit children and adults. So yeah, Black Peter is

the servant. He's a slave, and they are trying to step stop them from dressing in black face, and they're like, but it's a tradition and there's only seventeen black people here. Sow are you going to stop the Duchess the Netherlands, so I don't know how many of us live there. Um, I don't do cold white countries. So like in the UK is a happy Christmas in stead of Merry Christmas. But then they call Santa Claus Father Christmas, which makes more sense than in Santa Claus. Here's my thing with

Santa versus Father Christmas. Okay, I feel like Father Christmas gets a little too close to like confusing the children, you know, because it's like Father Christmas feels too much like Jesus's dad, whereas Santa Clause feels like a totally different character. Okay, you know, like I I used to hear people say Father Christmas. I was like, I don't know if I'm with that one, you know that makes sense? I mean I still always. It just made always be more sense to me because it's like, oh, we get

presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got presents. Well, if the presents on Christmas because the baby Jesus got presents, then why is it the why the three Wise Men is the one bringing up the presents. No, that so when you said that at the beginning of the episode, that made a lot of sense to me. And I'm surprised no one has done that as a I'm surprised that thing never caught on if there's such a shared

understanding of the story of Christmas. Um. I think that for me, when it comes to telling kids about Christmas, the second side, the unfair and the sad side of the lesson and everything is the disappointment, you know, because like they're like, you know, Santa sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, So Santa's a sucking stalker, which is a joke that's been made a million times.

When I get it, it's like it's like that whole Elf on the shelf thing where it's like, hey, this tiny el is gonna watch everything you do and if you mess up, he's gonna I've heard people go, if you actually had, you're gonna tell Santa. And it's like, then, what did you do the other eleven months of the fucking year when your child was acting like a maniac? M have you used in Santa? You're just in a

strong march, just flying through April, going Santa, Santa. Santa is like this child is four, he doesn't remember yesterday, Like why are you telling him about? Like anyway, it was Santa. But it's like I remember, like the first time, like learning about the story of Christmas, right, the virgin birth. They're going, there's no room at the end, He's born

in a manger. Wheezy have baby, right. So I remember the whole time hearing this whole story in the three and the frank instance, murder Gold, you know, the stars and all this other stuff. I remember going, but where is Santa? And my mother was like, what, Sa, where is Santa? If this is the story of Christmas, where is Santa? And she was like, great question. And then she had explained to me how Santa was not involved with the baby Jesus, and I was like, so he wasn't.

Then No. I remember being the school being like, well if Santa wasn't there. Why is he here now? Coca Cola? Idiot? Wake up, wake up, Understand that there's there's a bigger thing at play. Okay, then your little holiday. There's a grind happening. Oh no, no, no, Santa been on a grind for decades now called a bottling company. So it's a cod Cold and company. That's what that's what we

call a partnership. Okay. Santa is a brand ambassador, alright, pushing this Coca Cola to the children, to the America's I wish that I could be on my hustle the way Santa is. All right, you live somewhere like Australia because comes it's hot, Christmas, comes Florida and ship. Sure, sure, I'm with Christmas. It's very interesting because it's like when you're my brother got a super soaker for Christmas because it was Miami in December. Yeah. Yeah, And I'll tell

you what. I'll tell you what. Right now, you want to talk about Australia, you wanna talk about Florida or whatever. Santa makes it over there too, because he's on his grind, all right, on a hundred thousand going how many miles per hour it takes to get from Australia to the North Hold to Florida. He does it all in one night, in one night. All right. If you told me that all I had to do to have a nearly year off was to grind for one night, I do it. Listen.

But I think I remember as a kid almost trying to justify it. It's like, okay, it's probably the whole countries that he gets to skip. There are countries that he gets to skip. But he also got the plan and he got the logistics. Right. You never see somebody ever tapped their temple. That's actually saying something smart. He got the logistics. Okay, you see what I'm saying right here. He got the logistics down all right. He got his

routes already planned out. He got the elves. Because that's the other thing that people don't realize that sometimes sometimes it's about synergy. Sometimes it's about building yourself up and they're having people under you. So then you got Santa right here, right, And then he got five elves that also got five elves that they were their friends, and then they each get five elves, and so you get a little triangle going right, and then a real pyramid.

We don't really use words like that because that's that's the type of stuff the haters say. Okay, so anyway, you got your triangle of success. But listen, if you want a triangle of success, would you rather have a one side or would you rather have a triangle with four size? That? I mean, now you think it? Now you thinking that that's actual hus That's once again, I don't know what's not clicking for you, about what's helpful and what's hateful. Okay, so you only do three sided pyramids?

You know. I can tell. I can tell with somebody's not gonna take the mission seriously, like I can tell with some six no, no, no, I can I can tell. That's that's cool, that's cool. I get it. You aren't ready to receive the message, you know, you're not really ready to be on it like Santa's on it. When do you buy one? I found out that because for some reason, the conversation of the genders of the reindeer

came up because Gus, why the funk not? And somebody was saying that all of them are male, and then I was looking at it and it's like they weren't. Apparently all of them would have to be female, including Rudolph. Including Rudolph. Oh okay, because of the time of year. And also female reindeer also have antlers. Let's google. Is What I'm saying is that there's a lot of things

that we ask because it comes to stuff like this. Uh, because like we're trying to do the logistics, we're trying to like, oh it already, I said, we're Santa's reindeer. Here we go, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, comic keeper, daughter, and Blitzen and yes, even Rudolph. Our ladies, the originally eight first introduced in the poem a visit this is so funny? Who runs the slave girls? Science says Sandra's red deer are all actually female. And this is in

People magazine. Let me tell you something that just makes me respect Santa even more, all right, because it makes me respect that more women. Oh so the males of the species shed their headgear mid December. Mm hmmm, so they wouldn't have so while these dudes out here with busted tail lights right right, Santa was like, ladies, we gotta do we we It's up to us, all right? Is you? Me and the elves wherever they are. Santa is, I think it's good for the children. Now he's not.

It's the thing is, it's there are parents that work very hard, very hard to give their children Christmas. Might work an extra job. I remember when you remember the footage from the Tick of the Elmos when the women I'm with you. Yeah, I just fought for seven bitches in a target at two in the morning to get your little lasses, Elmo. I threw bows for you, I threw bowls for you. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm just ripped. I don't know. I didn't even bring my purse. Your

mom did it perfectly. Your mom did it perfectly. Some of the presents are from me, some of them are from Santa. Parents worked really hard to give their kids Christmas, and this motherfucker gets all the credit. I listen, I gave multiple people black eyes for you to get this Teddy rucks pen. I had to boat somebody else to get two of them because I didn't want for you and your brother m h Anna, Thank you, Santa. Santa's not icing his knee right now. Santa does not have

frozen peas on his knuckles right now. That's then, that's the gift that comes from mom, all right, but the plaid shirt can be from Santa. Why don't you knock Sanda down a peg. I'm saying, if you're if you're taking this route, I'm saying to the parents, how about you be a little bit more inventive. How about you make it so that when you have to tell your kid that Santa is not real, they're like, I didn't

like his presence anyway. This dude was garbage day one. Okay, giving me socks an underwear, you know what every year, if you if you're really worried about this, I'm just gonna say, in order for your kid to bothe, I think this is a good middle ground between the two of us. We don't usually do middle grounds, but I'm a try, right. I think a good middle ground between the two of us is, go ahead and tell your

kid about Santa. But for every Christmas, when they ask Santa for all the stuff, you get the stuff that they want from Santa, and then you put the gift under the tree from Santa, and it's just crackers. It's just saltines, you know. And look, some kids love crackers. Some kids will be like, oh my gosh, Salteine, I needed some of these old fish. But overall you can be like all right, look sayinga clearly not coming through

heavy with the presents. And so then the years from now hopefully just a couple when you have to tell your kid that says not real, they get to learn a lesson about life and they're not as let down because now they know you were the one putting in the work for those presents to begin with. Okay, but yeah, we'll kick it to you the listener. You know, how do you feel about do you think that people should be told about Santa? Should not be told about Santa?

Do you think it's harmful or helpful? Do you think that we did a good job presenting to you the facts of our argument and some pretty good along the way things. Thank you for listening to hold up. You can catch me on the show Shows, So Shows, damn It at Dual Stay Sloan on Everything, and you can also check out Josh Johnson. Um I'm Josh Johnson Comedy on TikTok, Instagram YouTube find me at those places. Um. I also do a podcast called The Josh Johnson Show

you can check out. And other than that, I'm just looking to be around, meet you. Hit me up. You know, I want to hear about your day. I'm just chilling, you know. Tell me a crazy story I'd love to hear. Thank you. Listen to hold Up Ho Ho no Ah. Tell your kids about sat Watch The Daily Show weeknights eleven Central on Comedy Central. In stream fool episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast