Leslie Jones Takes On George Santos & The Campus TikTok Ban

a pan, bitch, or make grilled cheese. I've been flipping pants and making grilled cheese since before you were ball. So don't talk to me like I'm stupid. You're a stupid, stupid twenty four year old. What you're doing skin, you have no use? Okay, well, okay, I think I got off the subject. I'm sorry. Next up, the t s A announced that they seized record numbers of guns at airports checkpoints last year. And let me tell you something, if I'm bringing a gun through checkpoint, you ain't taking

it from me because I got a gun. But honestly, I think this makes it more interesting for t s a people because you know they get bored and they're probably happy when they actually find a gun. You know, del though, del though, Dildo to dildos. Oh hey, game, we got that gun. Yeah, and get the deal goo too. I think he a deal. The who you are? Nasty terrorist? Who? Moving on? Y'all know who George Santos is right with his creepy ash if y'all don't know who he is.

He's the new Republican congressman who found who we found out lied about his entire life. He made up a whole career as a businessman. He made up that his family was Jewish and his mom was a victim of nine eleven Ill? Ill, do you know how much you have to lie to be known as the lying congressman? Meant is lie all day, But when you ask them who is the liar, they're like, this guy, wait till

you hear about this ship he did. Representative George Santos is allegedly so on three thousand dollars and donations from a disabled, homeless veterans dying service dog. Santos allegedly used an alias to Colm the Veteran and set up a go fund me page that would be deleted as soon as it hit its goal, and then Santos disappeared altogether exactly. So, so you're telling me this man didn't steal three thousand dollars from a dog. He didn't just steal from a

service dog. He didn't just steal from a dying service dog. He stole from a disabled, homeless veterans dying service dog. Oh my god, you evil and stupid. You're gonna mess with somebody's dog. Have you not heard of John Wick? Your ass is in trouble. Truble mess with no veteran's dog. You know? So crazy? This guy is so evil. I wonder if they put him in there on purpose so I can't pay attention to the other evil people. Anybody got me eyes on Marjorie Taylor Grain? What's up with

that bitch? What is that bitch up too? She brobably got Garfield tied up in her office? I'm serious, Like, what does this man have to do to get thrown out of Congress? He's a liar. Black people don't get believed when they actually tell the truth. Barack Obama was like, hey, I was born in America, and people were like, bullshit, where's reverse certificated, and this guy was like, I was a millionaire Jewish volleyball star, and y'are like, hell yeah,

I put him in Congress. Sick of y'all ship. And finally, I don't know if y'all been um eating breakfast lately, but breakfast is in trouble's son. The latest economic number show inflation is slowing down, but not for people who buy eggs. The average price for a dozen of eggs has more than doubled over the past year. Shortages around the country are hurting producers and putting more stress on consumers and businesses. Why is there a shortage right now?

What's going on? Well, I'm sure you heard there is a bird flu in the Midwest. At egg Tuck, a breakfast part in Los Angeles that goes through up to six thousand eggs a week, costs have quadruple and they're feeling it. All of our forces are made with eggs. Meanwhile, the line of cars is about thirty minutes long at Billy's Egg Farm in southern California, and workers are scrambling to meet demand. What wait, which, why you buying so many eggs? But yeah, there's an egg shortage right now.

Because a ton of chickens got bird flute, which is which isn't surprising, you know, because chickens are freaky, little disgusting creatures. And god how I love to eat what they shipped out they bird pussy early in the morning. I got fun. I love it. But that's a serious. Now, this is serious because people need eggs so badly. I think the chickens are gonna start getting real cocky. What's up, bitch? You want these eggs? What you're gonna do for me? I'm gonna tell you what I want. I want a

new barn. I want to assist it. I want to fly business class and an extra large flat screen and a PS five and one more thing sell sally to Popeye's boe bitch. Alright, alright, for more on this egg story, Let's now go to a man who deserves to be knee deep in chicken ship. Y'all give it up for Michael Costa. Okay, yeah, Leslie, it's it's great to see you again. No, it ain't agree, Okay, I see. Just so everybody knows, Leslie and I have a bit of history.

But don't worry, we're gonna be totally professional. I ain't about to be ship. I ain't gonna be professional, and not that you should have been professional when you was dating my home girl. Okay, okay, Leslie, Leslie, love is complicated and I'd rather not share the details of such a private matter. Okay. But ultimately, relationships do end. So now the eggs, don't try to weasel yourself out of this.

Don't don't do that, Leslie. I don't know what she told you, but but she cheated on me three times. Oh and that's the reason not to call her back. Be not chicken ship. Okay, Okay, all right, okay, So now the egg shortage, it's actually the result of the Avian bird flu, and that I don't give up about that. What you did was wrong, Costa, Leslie. You don't know this, but she gave me clamdia. Yeah, I do know that,

and people have done worse, Costa. It's terrible. Okay, just get you some penicina the ship that gets rid of that ship. Don't think ghost in my girl. That ain't cool. Okay. Let's let's just talk about the eggs, okay, Because, as I was saying, the shortage is severe, but if you look closely, you'll find that it's not all it's cracked up to be. You so corny Coustard. You know she was gonna break up with you because you're a corny mother, right, you know that? Right? Look, Look, I'm trying to be

a good sport here. I came all the way out here to this farm that you sent me to. I got feathers all over my suit. It stinks, you know what. You know what, I tell you what stinks. My girl had to go to therapy after you. Yeah, because she has multiple personality disorder. Yeah, that's what we loved about her. She's like ten friends and one be a man and tan bitch. Just okay, I handled it the best I could. I don't know why you care about this so much. Why don't we talk about it off air? If you're

so upset, can we just focus on the news. Yeah, I'm talking to his right, looking at those lying eyes of him. He ain't ship, do you know what? That's right, I'm gonna bring that up. I'm bringing that up. Okay, hold on, you know what Costa. You know what, you didn't even visit her in the lock up after she stabbed. Joe asked, that's up, Leslie for the last time. You know, what do you want from me? I want you to say you sorry. I want you to apologize to my

own girl. All right, Okay, m leslie, from the bottom of my heart, you ain't got no damn when I did that ship and I hope for chicken ships in your shoes, y'all give it up for Michael Costa. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show wherever you get your podcast What's the Daily Show weeknights and eleven tenth central Own Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on fair amount cloves. This has been a Comedy Central podcast