You're listening to Comedy Central.
From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that intended news. This is the Daily Show with your host Lastly Show.
All right, what wow?
Why?
Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm loving you out.
Last time I hosted the show, I solved all of America's problems, but they off everything up again, acting like you got a substitute teacher showing your ass. Well, guess what, Miss Jones's back in class. Bitches, do not get the head loos.
Let's get started with something exciting.
The Republican presidential primary.
Yeah, can't you feel the energy? A look at those winners.
But I hope you're not getting attached to him because they ain't gonna be here long.
Breaking overnight, a shocking announcement from South Carolina Senator Tim Scott. He is dropping out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination after failing to gain traction in the polls.
But as Scott himself explained, he simply did not think he had enough support from voters to keep trudging toward the nomination.
I think the voters, who are the most remarkable people on the planet, have been really clear that they're telling me, not now, Tim.
Not now, Not now, No, not now is what you say when a telemarketer calls you during the dinner time. This was more like, we ain't gonna ever, ever, ever, ever, ever vote for you up ass any abortion, any.
Gay, milk gud looking mother.
But what's really surprising about this is that we finally got to meet Tim Scott's mystery girlfriend. He brought her out on stage and then a week later he drops out. And you know, she was only dating him because she thought he was going.
To be the president.
I bet you he's now like, well, I fell short.
But at least we got each other.
Baby, Baby, where did you go?
Baby?
Hopefully they haven't been dating too long, because you know, Connecticut has a two week return on white women. Don't take the tags off tim Oh. Anyway, Tim Scott is out of the race because when it comes down to it, he just couldn't compete with Donald Trump, which is crazy to me because Trump is the dude that is saying shit like death.
Donald Trump echoed the dangerous language of infamous fascist leaders.
Trump vowed to root.
Out the quote vermin within the country.
We pledge to you that we will root out the communists, Marxist fascists, and the radical left thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our country, that lie and steal and cheat on elections.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump is essentially confirming reports that he.
Plans to get revenge on his critics if he wins a second term.
Yeah, it could certainly happen in reverse. They've done something that nobody thought would happen. They've done indictments in order to win an election. It could certainly happen in reverse. What they've done is they've released the genie out of the bus. You understand that?
Wait? Wait, wait, wait? Wait? Am I tripping? Did he say genie out of the box? Man? This dude can't even tell the truth about genies.
The one thing we know about genies is that they come out of a law. If a genie comes out of a box.
That's not a real genie. Nothing else.
That went to trade school and there took a genie class. How you gonna trust a genie in a box. If the genie can't afford a laugh, he definitely can't afford three witches.
He might be able to.
Give you one and a half witches, but they're definitely gonna be stuck. More importantly, this man is calling American citizens vermin when he is literally the.
Definition of vermin.
He's talking about throwing the definition.
He's talking about throwing his opponents in jail when he literally should be in jail.
And and he he is. He is the leading candidate.
Can you can you believe he is the leading candidate?
What the America did? Y'all?
How did y'all let this happen? Because this ain't my fault. I wasn't paying attention. Demand's indicted in every state in America. I didn't know he was allowed to run for the president. Why you was already running from the popo?
Like seriously, he doesn't even know that genies go into lapse. How is this happening?
Am I in the twilight zone? Am I having a stroke? I don't need answer. Somebody, somebody give me a box?
Okay, all right, all right, all right, you know what, Jennie, you are the most powerful being in the universe.
Please tell me what is going on?
First of all, Leslie, I gotta tell you I'm not that powerful.
I'm a Jenie. I'm not Oprah.
All right, okay, okay, whatever can you explain to me what the fuck is going on with Donald Trump?
Wait, that's your wish? You are wasted understanding Donald Trump. Aren't you single? Don't you want a man?
Genie? Now that you said that, that is a better option. I don't give a fuck about this, mother. I wish for a man, Jennie. Okay, okay, okay.
But but just to be clear, I am a box Genie, So I don't know exactly what type of man I'm going to bring off here. There's a chance it could be Donald Trump.
Damn Genie. And finally, how about we hear some good news for a change, because apparently some.
Powerful men have been frown and now they about to find out.
A major network of high end brothels is now busted, the Department of Justice arresting three people on prostitution charges for operations in the suburbs of Boston and in eastern Virginia near Washington, d C. One prosecutor describing it as a commercial sex ring built on secrecy and exclusivity. The wealthy clientele allegedly included doctors, lawyers, elected officials, tech company execs, plus some military officers and government contractors who have security clearances.
It's allegacy perspective expires in this scheme. First had to respond to a survey and provide information online, including their driver's license, photos, their employer information, credit card information, and they often paid a monthly fee to be part of this solicit club. And they also would receive a menu of different options and different women that they could purchase.
Wait, man, wait a minute, what the hell did he just say?
Did he just say menu? You mean these motherfuckers are.
Ordering sex like they had Chili's.
You know, if I order a blow for the table, would you guys like to share?
I'm trying. I'm trying to watch my penis. It blows my mind.
And that guys will do anything for sex. They're giving over their personal inform to strangers. That is so crazy. I won't even give my real birthday to my gynecologist as far as she knows, my pussy is only thirty two years old for me and are over here like, oh you guys do boot. Here's my SOLF security number. All right, for more on this story, Let's go now to the man who loves going to brothels, Michael Costa Leslids.
It's great to see you again, Nowaday Okay, Leslie, Look, I know we have a history, but let's let's keep it professional.
Yeah, we're gonna keep it real professional.
So what you're doing at a brothel? Michael? You cheating on my friend again?
Okay?
You sent me here to report on the brothel and Cheryl and I broke up a long time ago. All right, it was mutual. We were just going in different directions.
Yeah, and you went in the direction of a brothel.
What kind of scumbag goes to a place like that consta.
Well, look, I'm glad you asked, because up to now it's been kept secret. But thanks to my reporting, I have an exclusive list of the names of all the men who visited this brothel. This is like a sixty minutes level scoop.
Sixty minutes.
I heard.
You couldn't even last two minutes.
Cheryl said, your sex is trash. She said, y'all went on vacation and you couldn't even get it up.
Well, okay, that was my grandfather's funeral, Leslie, and I wasn't in the mood.
You weren't in the move. You don't need to be in the move.
I had a threesome to day Regis Film and dit. Okay, that man was my hero, but it is exactly what he would have wonted.
Look. Look, look, let's try to focus on my exclusive story about these powerful men who may be vulnerable to blackmail.
I told Cheryl she should have been with a black mail, but did she listen. I don't know what she saw on your Pillsbury dope boy looking at Bryan like a bitch over your grandfather's casket.
I'm going with you, Michael, wrap this shit up.
Ye fine, Fine. We don't know the full extent of the sex ring, but what we do know is that this is the latest scandal in history's oldest profession for The Daily Show, I'm Michael Costa.
And you think you better than lest the hope you're not better than that.
That's the hope, because you wasn't this dignified when you broke Cheryl's window.
Okay, I broke her window because she threw me out of it.
Stop being a bitch, Costa.
It was only the second floor, Leslie.
What do you want me to do?
Get down with Cheryl? She loved you, and I loved the two.
Of you together, Leslie. That was years ago. I'm married now. I heard Cheryl's married.
Yeah, but things.
Ain't working out and I heard he about to fall out.
Of a window.
Okay, if that's what it takes to do my job and to put this behind us, I'll give cheryld.
Call and cheat on your wife. You a piece of shit. Costa, you have not.
Changed, wants to come back, always has come back.
I'm done with you, Michael Costa.
Everybody, Okay, when we come back, I'm gonna thank yet Thanksgiving dinner, So don't go away.
Welcome don to a daily show.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and we all know how difficult it is to have dinner with some of your family members.
But this year is going to be different.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and that means getting together with family members who you might not see ida ie with. But this Thanksgiving, Leslie Jones will come to your house and politely interject when the conversation becomes political.
I'm just thankful that Roe v. Wade was finally overturned.
That's the conversation you want to start right now at this table, while everybody's happy during Thanksgiving. While we try to be happy, you know what, has some dry ass turkey and shut the fuck up.
The way I the way I see it is your generation are all a bunch of lazy socialists.
Who is you calling lazy? You can't even bring proper pie to Thanksgiving? And stop kissing the kids in the mouth. That's nasty.
They don't like that.
Us.
Leslie can help for them to knowing conversations before they even begin.
Try that mag of ship.
Try it, and how to everybody in this room that you use Nana's Wi Fi to jack off.
And if that doesn't work, Leslie goes back to basics.
I'll just say these transgender people.
I just.
Can I have some stuff.
Leslie will even stop by the kids table to teach them how to shout down problematic relatives.
No, no, okay, look from the diaphragm.
You ready, one, two three?
Talking to your family is hard. Watching Leslie Jones shut them down is easy.
And I think it should be acknowledged that this dinner is taking place on Cherokee land.
Shut up, all this land is Cherokee. If were talking about can you smell Indigenous?
You can't even smell it.
Can't shut up?
Don't agree with me?
Thank you for sure?
Up?
Who invited me to this available?
But all holidays where family are included.
Where we come back, don't g NBA start Lisa, Leslie will.
Be joining me. Don't come back to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight is a four time Olympic gold medalist, a three time w NBA MVP, a motivational speaker, a relator, and one of the greatest basketball players of all time.
Give it up for my homegirl. Me's a labe.
You never didn't get our brown on each other?
You never stop Hi. You deserve all of that.
Girl.
Let world. You know what I got what.
That's my DoD right there.
That's right. I get you a path. She got her own shoot, she got her own shot. Giving up. There's a dunks. He's at least a Leslie donk.
Yeah, thanks to Nike twenty fifth anniversary of the WNBA and they came out with the dunks.
So yeah, first of all, how about it's just so cool to have you in front of me right now.
Yeah, thank you, Leslie. Wait, can I just stop you on show for a second because your book is amazing?
Thank you so much amazing.
I don't know if you vote, If you haven't got it, get it, listen to it. I'm on chapter six. I've been laughing, crying, laughing again, crying. But it's amazing, amazing.
How much I laughed and cried a lot too.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Like we're both from the same area, right, Like we both played ball in LA.
I don't think I was as good as you.
I definitely, I definitely know I was not as good as you.
Yeah, I know that too. But it's okay because you playing ball and you went to college playing ball. That's awesome.
Look, I thought I played you in high school. You remember when we first met. I was like, I played against you. Remember we almost got into a fight and you was like, girl, No, I did have a few fights.
I did.
I would say my alter ego is probably your persona as a comedian. So it's like, I'm very calm and collected off the court, but on the court, my game is like how you talk exactly exactly.
You don't want to see me what you tell them, don't come in.
Out house exactly.
So if we played ball, like at our best, me at my best, you at your best, more you think would have one.
No, that's not a good cart, that's not a good question. You want to do over because me at my best is the best.
I mean, I'm just gonna let you know I would have fouled you all.
Oh yeah, for sure, all five thous on you.
But just know I was the kind of player that I just match whatever energy you come. So if you want to fight, we can fight. If you want to play nice, we can play nice. Like I really believe in that too.
But I love you though.
Yeah. It's amazing though, right because we got a chance to be like so fierce and the play a sport that we love. Yes, And for me, it was really about the next generation. You know, we didn't get as much spotlight as a young women get now, especially in the WNBA, but having that opportunity in that platform to be a role model for the next generation, that's all I kept thinking about, is those little girls out there who are gonna see me, who want to be like me.
Yes, Yes, that was it.
Yeah, let's stick it all.
Yeah, because it was so crazy when I was coming up, we didn't have the wn baby. You know, we can go over the play and just to see it form, and you, just like I said, made it look good and looked good doing it.
You know what I'm saying.
They called you Hollywood and because you know how to dress. This is the question I have. We're both tall. Well, how hard was it for you to find clothes?
Oh?
The worst. All my clothes were men's clothes. First off, it was like a men's blazer. My mom would like, get it tailored. I wore men's jeans I had to get you know, I wear like a back then I only wear like a tour or four or right, I mean an eight now. But it's like it was tough because everything had to be altered for me. But I had to buy men's clothes. But then I wear like V neck shirts, Mike. When I look back at those
outfits before I started making money, it was tough. But I always had a feminine nature, and I feel like my mom would always teach me to just be true to myself. Everybody else is taken, right, so you had to show up. I started playing basketball late at twelve, so I was really into fashion and etiquette and wanting to be a model. That was my thing. But basketball just came and it was like this is my way.
Yeah, how did you become so good?
Like was it coaching or was you already like.
You know, it was my it's my work ethic now First off, I'm very competitive. Now, I mean, I'm like Space, Domino's, Pictionary, whatever it is.
I'm trying to win.
Like, it's not fun for you. Don't come to my house if you're not ready to compete, like people that say, like, oh no, it's not that serious. Oh no, you probably don't want to come over here. Come over here, don't come over here. I don't want to take the fun out of it for you. So I'm just gonna sit it out. But if I'm playing, I'm coming to win.
Oh I will curse you out if you my partners fading.
Oh yeah, don't renig, don't get up from the table house.
Excuse me, don't renig. Did you see that joke? Did you see me lead with the diamond that's only got one?
You were nigged.
You never invited back to mind, don't come back.
People might not know renig means to play a book. That is, either you do have another in that suit, or you're not paying attention to the game and you.
Don't realize what that is.
Right.
Competition is my thing, though, so I've always loved being competitive. But fashion is something that I liked, I afford to do at a high level. But I just feel like when you have style. Style was important to me, and some time I look at some of the videos I'm my girlfriend, that was not it.
Yeah, because I don't think I had style until I got a stylist.
And that's like two weeks ago.
Until Brian started addressing me. Child he saw my closet when he first met me, he was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know it's yeah because it's buying.
Stuff that fit.
And New York and Company was the only place they don't know they had jeans and stuff that was I'm sorry, so yeah, yeah it was, but it was like, you know, not the ship on them. I want to shop on New York.
The New York Company.
Now they didn't Gabrielle Union was nothing like they came around.
They got their thing together, but at first it was kind of silky. But I still like they jeans because they jeans was long enough them and tall girls.
You remember long es.
Y'all.
Y'all don't know the trumps of a tall with the big Fashionova. Yes, oh my god, no, pay Let's started doing the pay less.
They started doing big shoes.
You went way back pay Less.
Yes, I did pay Less nor rack nor.
Rat, Norse Racked. Pay Less was the first ones, like you could get a.
Kid, you could get like a size fourteen.
At No pay Less came out before Nursey Rat.
No Rack came out.
Well, Payless was out, but they wasn't doing big shoes like Norse Rack.
Well we'll talk about it, I'm telling so let me ask.
You a question. Okay, so would your is this that's water? Yeah, that's.
That's actually how I call.
Would you like when the NBA w NBA started?
I know it was pretty exciting, but would you like to play the w n B A when it first started?
The w n B A.
Now, well that's a great question. First off, I started in the beginning, so I was one of the faces of the WNBS, right, But if I play now, I would have made so much more money because I was into fashion and you know, skincare, hair care, being a role model, deoderant anything, teeth, toothpaste for teeth, you know.
Yeah, right, it's not too late.
Folks up here.
You know, can get y'all number because they can tell me.
But yeah, I think I would have had a more lucrative outcome if I play now, and I stilluld have been blocking shots like you know me an Asia would have been Asian would have been going at Oh my god, I love Asia.
I love her now because you dumped, Yes, you dumped.
And I'm gonna ask you a question because see, I know a lot of men asked you this, because you know men love to ask dumb ass questions.
But I know a lot of men have.
Asked you, like, hey, should we lower the rim so y'all can dunk more and it could be more excited.
What's your answer to that?
Shut the Oh no, my answer is no. I think that game is amazing. If anybody has watched the w NBA, you already know these ladies are playing at such a high level. It's like blurred lines with the men and the women. Yes, the dunk is amazing. Yes, more women have dunked, But I wouldn't change anything about our game. The product is phenomenal. Even college women's basketball is phenomenal. Can't wait for Angel Reese and Caitlin Clark to get
to the w They like, it's just amazing. We're doing a great job.
So when we look at the camera right now and look at all those people, one or two, I don't know which one we look at this one right here, this one right here, all the people that doubted that the w NBA was gonna make it.
Whatever, we're at the bank though, we're casting Chad.
That's right now. What I heard about Neil deals, I think they call it NI L is n I L Y. Yeah, so they get those.
In college, which child we were. I was so broken.
College, like like what like, what is the advantage of that?
Because you know they make more.
Money in being in the WNBA.
I do know that, which so here's the deal. Yeah, in college, I have five dollars. I used to get a burrito, got the burrito truck, and you you have a brito because you could eat half before a practice and then half after the practice.
Nil.
These women and men are getting paid so much money for their deals. The same thing else, whether it's cosmetics outfits. They're getting their Nike and other shoe deals early on when you're in college. So imagine that I had to wait. I signed my first Nike deal my first day after my last game, so I had to be completely finished from being eligible in college before I could go pro. Now you do realize that only applies and usually sports that are dominated by African American So that happens to
the football players and the basketball players. But there are other sports that that is not apply. You can you can get endorsement deals in other sports, tennis, soccer, you know, other sports. So it's interesting that this nil really opens the door for so many athletes and especially athletes from our communities that there's no trust fund happening. That they are the first millionaires ever and their family they.
Give money to even be able to support the facility to send money back. It's like a lot of people are leaving a big family that like they probably was working and helping.
Yes, yeah, man, let me just tell you. My mom drove an eighteen wheeler truck. My mom would give me two hundred dollars if she could. Two hundred dollars is a lot of money. Yeah, she'd give me two hundred dollars, and if she could do it every month or every other month. And I would have to manage while usc with all these kids who come from a background of money, and I'm trying to manage this two hundred dollars just
to like make it. Hence the five dollar burritos, so you know you're eating is not as healthy as it could because you don't have enough money to necessarily eat healthy. So I think the nil deal is opening doors for so many kids. And the key to that is going to be money management because a lot of times we ignore those conversations because we didn't have money. So if you don't have money, how do you know how to take care of money? How to invest money? And hence that's how I got into real estate.
Yeah, yeah, because I'm like, yeah, how come we need a class on teaching kids how to check books and bank accounts and interest rates.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's my biggest advice. I became a real estate professional with my husband. We have the Lockwood Group, which is our real estate company. We're in the luxury space with Keller Williams. But why It's because it's important to invest your money and you get the return on your money.
And a lot of times kids, especially when you're a first generation, you're thinking house, cars, chains, necklace stuff, right, because that's when we see that, you think people with money, But in fact, it's about that education of how can you make this money? Make money for you? You will not be able to play forever, right, and.
You got to take care of your kids and you get old.
But people when you know when you're nineteen or twenty, you can't Forty is old to a nineteen year old.
And you're like, turn forty and not be able to play right sport.
Yeah, yes, and that money could have just created compound interest for you. It's a way to make a living for not only your family, but the family that you might have in the future. And so that's always our message when we're trying to get our real estate company out there. We deal with a lot of celebrities and athletes and helping them to invest that money so that they'll have it to return and share with their family. So let me know when you're ready to buy some.
Both I am.
I want to ask you, and this is probably something just off the cuff for me, is what would you tell black girls like us that's tall and awkward and don't know how to really express how they feel or just kind of scared and walk hunched over because they're ashamed or their height or what they look like.
What would you say to them?
My first thing is about having faith. I was a child that had so much faith in God and I was praying, like Lord, let them see me as beautiful like you know you want to be a pilling, but it's hard when you just don't. I mean, we didn't have all this stuff all hooked up. You're just a regular kid looking out there in the world. And I feel sorry sometimes for these kids because they have social media being exposed to even more beautiful, perfect looking people
with all these filters and all these things. Could I would be so discouraged. I think if I was a young kid now, but I would just say to learn to love yourself and then just be patient. Write down your goals. That was the biggest thing for me. My short term goals were goals I wanted to achieve within one year. And then my long term goals were goals I wanted to achieve within five years. And those goals kept me focused. I put them on my mirror in
the bathroom. I put them on a refrigerator because you know, our girls got to eat and I would go. But when I see these goals, my sacrifice was go to the gym and put up the two hundred shots five hundred shots as opposed to going to the mall hanging out with my homegirls.
That's real talk, though, that's real talking.
Sacrifice.
Comfortable.
You got to be uncomfortable, to be successful sometimes for a little while, you know, you got to work it.
One of the things Kobe and I would always talk about the great Kobe I left them so much that it's just everybody's not willing to make the sacrifice.
No, no, and they don't understand.
They want they want the now, but they don't want the how.
It's hard work. I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's hard to work.
Oh my god, my new friend.
Please come to my house. I'm gonna go there. Don't give it up.
We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be guy after that. Okay, that had show tonight.
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