Leslie Jones and Jordan Klepper Take On George Santos | Taika Waititi

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From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that you news. It's the Daily Show with your host Lightly.

Jones and Jordan Clipper.

I'm Jordan Clipper and.

This is the Daily Show.

We worked on that all day, all day and completely forgot to prepare the rest of the show.

Yeah, so we are just waking up from here on out. But it's gonna be a great show.

So let's get into the headlines.

All right, Let's begin with the big story out.

Of Washington, d C.

One of the rising young stars of the Republican Party is not rising anymore.

We begin with that shocking turn by a battle New York Congressman George Santos saying he will not run for reelection. That announcement follows the release of the House e Fics Committee report just hours ago, concluding their substantial evidence Santos violated federal criminal laws.

This report could potentially change the calculation on Capitol Hill.

Say the fraudedly exploited every aspect of his House candidacy for his own personal financial profit.

They say that Santos blatantly stole from his campaign spending, campaign funds, according to this report, on things like botox, lavish trips to Atlantic City, on only fans, on designer goods. I mean, really everything under the sun? What?

No volleyball, play, no lesie.

I hate to say it, but this man is really making me start to distrust politicians. Buzzy, can you believe this?

I can't believe it. I can't believe it, but it's true.

Santo's got caught spending campaign money on botox and OnlyFans. And this is on top of him stealing credit cards, wirefraud and identity that theft.

When he goes to jail and they ask him what are you in for, He's going to be like, o'tat thing. And I don't even get some of the spending.

How do you how do you spend money on lavish trips to Atlantic City?

Have you been to Atlantic City?

A lavis trip that means that you don't go home with bad bugs. And he's spending money on only fans.

I mean, I feel sorry.

For his campaign manager, mister Santos, Should we buy some more bumper stickers?

Now? I mean this to jack Off.

Yeah, I mean here's what I think. Why is he spending money on botox. He's the youngest member of Congress by a thousand years, and you don't get botox. Just stand next to Mitch McConnell exactly.

He doesn't need botox, But the rest of them old ass congressmen do. We should at least get Chuck Schumer smo titties, some new titties.

Oh, everybody he wants, he gets. Let's consider the case settled. Moving on to international news. Yesterday, President Biden met with Chinese President Jijingping, and it sounds like the results were mixed.

Out of the high stake summit between President and Biden and China's president, She the leaders of.

The world's two greatest superpowers had not even spoken in a year. Now lowering the temperature, agreeing, President Biden says to pick up the phone when the other one calls.

There was another headline out of the meeting that I think a lot of Americans will be happy to hear.

Just a week after Washington's National Zoo said farewell to those three giant pandas in DC, President She overnight teas that China will send more pandas back to the US, calling them envoys of friendship. You fall out this morning from President Biden's meeting with a man he called a dictator.

Look he is, I mean, he's a dictator in Saints.

He is the guy who is runs the country that is based on former government.

Totally different on the Chinese Foreign ministry quickly responding, calling the remark extremely wrong and irresponsible political manipulation.

Now I understand why China is mad, But in Biden's defense, dictator is actually the least defensive thing I've heard an eighty year old man called a Chinese dude. And some people wish Biden was more diplomatic to a guest. But let's be honest. A week from now, everyone in America is gonna talk shit about every single person who comes over for Thanksgiving. And if I can call my cousin a pill popping drama queen, then Biden can call a dictator a dictator. Leslie, Am I wrong about this?

Now?

You are not wrong about this, but you know, I sure wish he had the balls to say it to him in person. You know, if you don't call me a bitch, call me a bitch to my face.

I have that on a throw pillow.

Now what we should be talking about, though, is those pandas.

I'm so excited they come in here.

Okay, yes, yes, yes, I pandas are exciting. But let's not get distracted by side shows. The media will pay attention to the little things, not the serious issues. We need to focus on Taiwan, the wigers, climate change.

Yes, of course, of course taiwan is is very important.

Of course, but the pandas.

Did you see the video on the pandness where they roll around in the snow?

Oh my god, they are very cute. The snow makes it only cutter.

I mean, I get it, But we shouldn't take our eye off the ball. O.

Speaking of a ball, did you see the video of them playing with the ball?

I mean that's a now that is adorable that It's like a dog meets a bear.

This is a cute, little big jet cute matter.

What were we talking about?

It doesn't matter, It doesn't seem to matter. No, let's move on, shall we, Yes, let's move on.

It's been two years since the Taliban took over Afghanistan, and if you're wondering how they're running the country, just check this out.

Fog out of Afghanistan shows Taliban security forces controlling the streets of Kambo on rollerblades. The video, which has gone viral after being uploaded to YouTube, shows soldiers holding onto the side of military vehicles and training on inline skates.

Okay, I wasn't sure before, but now it's official.

The Taliban are bad people.

I mean, God.

Damn, what the hell is going on with the Taliban? Are y'all making another Xanadu movie? And you know what, I can't believe how smooth their roads are. I can't even drive down the FDR without giving my car a hysterectomy. It's just so embarrassing for America that we lost the war to a bunch of dudes that's doing the roll bounced.

You know, although I will say, if we had to fight them again, it's good to know all we'll need is just a handful of loose gravel.

And also.

It's all you need, It's all you need.

I will say this to be fair to the Taliban, which is a phrase I never thought I'd say. This is not that much weirder than what police officers over here are doing when the riding horses.

Yeah, that's true.

Like whenever I see a police on a horse, I'm like, how's this gonna work if he arrests me.

Do I just jump on the back of the horse, yeh? Or do I have to get my own horse?

Or does he drag me behind his horse like a Western or something.

I don't know, it's weird.

The point is Leslie and I both agree that we're no different than the Taliban. Finally, let's turn us some music news. What rahaps most beloved stars is finally releasing a new album that takes the genre in a whole new direction.

Ocass Is Andre three thousand is releasing his first album in seventeen years, but it is not what you might expect. His debut solo album, in New Blue Sun centers around woodwinds. The rapper and songwriter plays flew throughout the album, along with other instrumentalists.

Oh you know what, it's a beautiful, fascinating experiment in this.

You know it is?

I gotta say something, Jordan, this man is one of the greatest rappers of all time. We have been waiting seventeen years for this wall of to release a new album and it's all fluke.

I'm gonna kill somebody.

This is how you know the white people all winning? Y'allna turn Andre three thousand. It took Jeff Rotel.

It's a fair point, Leslie, but I'm sorry. I think this is brave, Yes.

Ray, because if you play this shit in the hood, you're gonna get.

Your ask me no, you know what, No, don't listen to Leslie Andrew three thousand and and sorry sorry, Yes, Andre three thousand, Although says more of An Andrew three thousand projects, artists have to evolve as they age. You can't be rapping into your fifties. There are only so many words that rhyme with sciatica.

I mean, I'm not saying that he can't involved. I'm not saying that you don't always have to stay in your lane, but try not to drive completely off the road into a damn flute star.

I think it's great.

He's reaching a new audience.

You know, a rapper released an instrumental album and finally I can understand the lyrics.

What man, you're crazy? A flu can only go so hard.

It's not like somebody's saying, yo, be quiet, be quiet.

The flute is about to come on. That's my shit.

A flute can still slap, Yes, a flute can slap A fluke and slap a flute can slap.

Personally.

I can't wait for that moment when a tesla pulls up next to me blasting this album at a moderate volume. Y'all, I'll travel, no base, sw no Andre.

Now, do not listen to him. And you know what you owe me an apology right now?

And you know what that apology should sound like. Sorry, miss Leslie.

And for re.

No but to make a Leslie apologize for playing the flute's sorrow, miss les we come back all your time, sir, miss lastly.

For real, walk them back to the Daily Show.

The holidays are coming soon, which means it's time to open up our hearts, even for people who don't deserve it. So I hit the streets to find out if New Yorkers can get into the holiday spirit.

All right, I'm out here on the streets, and uh.

We're gonna see if people can reach down into their heart and soul for the holidays and say something nice. I gotta I gotta remember to say something nice.

I gotta I gotta.

This Thanksgiving time, it's time to you know, do nice things for people.

You know, goodwill to men, you know all that all that shit.

So there's gotta be something you can say nice about mikes man?

Mmm, it's fed. Maybe this it's shit. Yea, this is not really.

But you don't have to worry about him, girl, because I mean unless the name of his mother, Mi Grol, would not be into him.

No, you say that so hard and then you never know.

Penn, slide up to your girl and be like, don't believe what these hoes be saying.

We gotta say something nice. So what nice do you have to say about this man?

Let's see, he looks like he he can tie a nice time.

He could tie a nice time. That actually is it is pretty clean? Damn, Kim Joe. What can you give me about cleoting? Okay, he shaves his chest. He shaves his chest, so I gotta give him the nice skin.

Nice skin, thanksgiving, goodness, animal lovers, comfortable, He's possible in his own skin.

Body positivity. You are killing it. What can you say nice about this man? He's rich? That's not well, okay, I mean nothing.

I will say he's intelligent like he is.

He's mark who.

He's done a lot right like technology, and.

They all make mistakes.

I'm sure he has good ideas, but yeah, exactly, he doesn't do them.

I don't know.

Okay, see David, David said nice thing, and they'd take him back.

All right, Yeah, do you know what it says?

Oh?

Yes, Moderick Taylor, she's more than a damn Okay, No, we gotta be nice.

We gotta be nice. What can you say about this woman that is nice? She seems to love her country. I'll take it.

That's right, that that's on that that's on the line.

But I will take it. This is the season for love.

We gotta say nice things about people.

Amy and Jeff. What can you say nice about this woman?

Boy?

Come on, dig down, its thank it's Thanksgiving, it's Christmas. Nice nice, nice feet or maybe wait a minute, teeth she has nice team like Okay, she could be in a Barbie movie, right yeah, it definitely could be.

In a Barbie movie. Right yeah, yeah, positive, it's I know who that is. You don't know who it is. I have no clue that is who is? That is the vaka Trump?

Oh she's pretty.

I would think she's pretty. Listen, her hair is nice. Her hair is nice.

They're like you, David, that's that's take what we could take. The bangs ain't good though, Reach down, reach deep, down like he does into the budget to send people to where they're not supposed to be sent.

He is, he is one of God's children. He's one of God's child.

It's a beautiful kid.

I'm gonna disagree, Joannette. I don't think God creating this piece of ship. Okay, No, God, I'm trying. I'm trying so hard with the the.

Thank you, let's letter.

When we come back, Tako, let's say j let is top of that, We'll go away.

Oh, welcome back to the day they show.

My guest tonight is an actor and an Oscar winning filmmaker whose new movie is called Next Goal Wins. Yes, please welcome tis out. Yes he's silly, Yes he is very very Yes he is very silly.

Are you here very silly? Yes? Boom.

Then this is let me absorbed their energy and their souls.

So damn second.

I'm ready enough, I'm fed, I'm ready.

Tell me about this new movie, Next Goal Win. Tell me about it.

I'll tell you about it. It's the true story of the worst soccer team in the world and has really happened. American Summer had a team and in the history of the country, they'd never won a game or scored a goal. They still they still hold the record for the biggest international loss and that was against Australia and that was thirty one zero.

Wow.

So they didn't let that deter them. They got a new coach played by Michael Fassbender. He came in, turned them around, and you know, they gave each other a little something and yeah, they both gained something from that relationship. And it's just a it's like an uplifting story rare these days, you know, where nothing bad happens to anyone, and it's just a beautiful, uplifting story about an underdog sports team.

Yes, oh my godness, tell me, tell me, tell me how you pick projects because you are funny.

You know people don't.

Notice about Taker is that he's very funny. He has a great sense of humor and most of his projects are really funny.

Like, what what makes you pick the projtice? What? What do you What is your aim when you're doing that?

I have to most of it is like I want to go to work and know that I'm gonna have a good time and then I'm gonna enjoy my day. And you know, because I'm a filmmaker and we get to go and do these projects, and people still haven't figured out it's not a real job. You know what we what we get to do, I mean we should like I'm amazed that they let us still do this stuff. You know, we get to go to work, put makeup on, trips up and these things. They's not even my clubes.

Yeah.

Yeah, wow, i'most taking this and taking this free cup. I'm gonna take it. You know, I got this w that's of in mind too. That's it. Oh, you guys think we're all big wigs. We're rolling in it. We need we get what we can get. We take what we.

Can get, but we don't have a whole bunch of cups for you.

Tell me now, you know I'm gonna bring it up. Our flag means death, yes, yes, yes, Spanish jacket.

So do you know what beast you was creating when you made me Spanish Jackson?

Do you know the trouble you already in my house.

Because I can't nobody talk to me now.

I want twenty.

Husbands, I have a sword, have a gang of outfits.

You know, the princess. So what was you thinking when you created my mouth?

My?

Uh? You know, it's just we need powerful people on screen like that. You know that show so inclusive and you know everyone's represented, and it's I mean it's like Spot the hitter and that's and there and then Butt the heter sexual character in that show, which is beautiful. It's a great thing to have. Also, you know that we we just need more shows that are different and feel like that, you know, I mean, I don't know if you've seen all the The Amazing Fan which is basically.

Just so so good.

Yes, there are some incredible soft porn out of South there. I've got people getting my face, so I found one. My my head is black bed tattooed on the body of a dog.

Uh, but you're such a good black beard.

Oh my god, I would watch the show even if I wasn't on it.

That's how good that show is so good.

I love the relationship of black and black Beard. I just it's one of my favorite things on the show because it shows such like vulnerability and love and like a tough man finding his feelings. I think it's so important that. Yeah, the show that on screen. Do you know what I'm saying, That tough men are supposed to have feelings too, is like the way you found your way to love and everything.

I love everything about it.

You know, when you look at human beings in general, when people, you know, when tough guys say things like, you know, never let anyone get too close, you know, not gonna never fall in love. That's because they have a tendency to let people get too close and want to get close and it suckers for love. Yeah, and saying oh I can't get too close. That they love getting close to people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's something I've learned about you. Yeah, that's something When I first got out, I was like, he's just a big old softy and he just loves.

Love and he wouldn't think it, big big old love lover.

Well, okay, including me. You had some serious cameos. Come on there, Mini driver Bronson Penjolt.

Is that how you say? His name is?

Balki will Arnett, Fred Armisen, Like, how.

Do you get them to come?

I mean, I mean, it's like I would like to think it's just me, but I think that. I think that, you know, whatever the popularity of the show was, and like how people and people got to see some of the stuff that we'd made in the first season, I think that just was testament to the good job we were doing, and people wanted to sign on to that. And you know, I think comedians follow comedians and like, yeah,

Yes.

Now, I'm pretty sure you get this question all the time, but I'm going to ask it because you know, I'm crazy.

Do you know you find as hell?

I mean, you're like, you're like one of those guys in high school that don't know that they're cute.

Oh I know, and I knew back then too. So the thing is, you know, I don't know if you get like you know, some of you will get this when you walk past a shiny surface like a reflection and you catch a glimpse of yourself and.

You're like, nice, is that.

He's doing it? Why is he looking at me like that? I'm not gonna say no.

Well, people, next Goal WINZ is in the theaters now everywhere. On Novem seventeenth, We're gonna take a break.

Thank you Tiger for coming up.

WHOA, that's our show for tonight.

That's our show for tonight and my time as a guest host. But if you want to know more about what's going on with my upcoming to a day or grab my book Leslie Jones, check out the link below and stay tuned next week when the Daily Show team takes over the desk.

Now, thank you so much for having me this.

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