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From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that invented news. This is The Daily Show with your host Talpan.
Welcome to the Daily Show on Telpan Yo. It feels good to be back behind the desk because thank you, thank you, thank you. Because look, you know what they say about life sequels, right, They're always better? Don't fact check that. All right, we got a great show for you tonight. Zoya Uktar will be here. Let's get into the headlines. Okay, let's kick things off with the insane
sports news from this weekend. The LA Dodgers signed superstar Shoiotani to the biggest contract in all of sports history, seven hundred million dollars wild right, That is one dollar for every minute it takes to watch one single baseball game. And also, let me just say, it is so great that Asian kids have another athlete to look up to. Am I right, But let's acknowledge it's also a lot of pressure. Dad, I got one hundred on my chemistry test,
but only eighty on your fastball. Go outside and practice. But look, as crazy as this is, there was another sports story that might be even more shocking.
Buffalo Bill's head coach Sean McDermott is addressing old comments about the nine to eleven terrorists being a model for teamwork. They're brought to light buying independent journalist The Reports said at a team meeting in twenty nineteen, quote, he cited the hijackers as a group of people who were all able to get on the same page to orchestrate attacks to perfection.
McDermott says now that he never should have mentioned the hijackers. He says his original intent was to use the attacks to encourage the team because the events were so easily recognizable.
I think this football coach may have taken the wrong lesson from nine to eleven. Like when we said never forget, we didn't mean al Qaeda's teamwork. Although, to be fair, this is not something you ever expect to hear from a football team. I mean, maybe a scumbag football team like the Eagles, but not a respectable franchise like the Bills. Although look, if we're giving coach McDermott the benefit of the doubt, he didn't give the most inappropriate pep talk
I've ever seen. Huddle up, everyone, Come on, hoddle up, huddle up. In the second half, we're gonna get out there. We're going to completely knock him out like bills. I want you to end them like Ojay ended his marriage. Our offense is going to be like mass shootings in America. They'll give up on even trying to stop us. All three clear eyes, full hearts. Epstein didn't do it. Let's move on to the war in Ukraine. I know it's crazy that it didn't end, even though you stop paying attention.
But the money the US is sending Ukraine for the war is about to end, which is why their president is coming to see if there's any more cash lying around.
President Zelenski will make another trip to the US this week as Congress in the White House are at odds overfunding the wartorn country.
But here's the problem.
Congress seems to be at a stalemate over sending much needed aid to this country. With just a few days left before the Hill wraps up for the year, Democrats hope to pass a bill that would provide funding for both Ukraine and Israel, but Republicans refuse to sign off on it because it does not include their proposals to enhance border security and stem migration.
We're obviously deeply concerned about this.
We've got a few more weeks here and then we're out of Schlitz. We're out of Schlitz. You're describing war funding with an old beer slogan. I'm surprised he didn't go with come on, Congress, was that? But yes, yes, military aid to Ukraine and Israel is being held up until Republicans can also get the immigration reforms they want. And yeah, I know, look, the border is a problem, but it didn't help the Democrats case when Zelenski showed
up by walking in through Mexico. The crazy thing is many Republicans in Congress actually agree on the funding, so you'd think they would just vote for it and move on to other important issues like why are you stopping Ukraine from getting weapons when you could be stopping women from getting abortions? Eyes on the prize, Republicans, Come on, that was one of the less popular ones tonight, I
see from this lefty crowd. Well, look, let's move on from Congress to some major political news about Hunter Biden seen here thinking about hookers. No presidential family member in recent memory comes with as much baggies. I mean, baggage as Hunter, and now the law has finally caught up with him.
Breaking news overnight, Hunter Biden's none of the president of the United States, now indicted on nine counts related to his taxes.
The nine count indictment six misdemeanors and three felony charges, accusing Hunter Biden of failing to pay one point four million dollars in taxes from twenty sixteen to twenty nineteen, Special counsel David Weiss, insisting that during that time, Biden was living an extravagant lifestyle, spending on drugs, escorts and girlfriends, luxury hotels, rental properties, exotic cars, clothing, in short, everything
but his taxes. Biden allegedly showing out more than six hundred thousand dollars on various women, another three hundred and ninety seven thousand dollars on clothes, and more than one hundred and eighty thousand dollars on adult entertainment.
In twenty eighteen alone, he spent forty three thousand dollars here at the Chateau Marmont, where he admits in his memoir he partied so hard hotel management kicked him out. Special counsel David Weiss says Hunter tried to write off his wild spending as tax deductions, claiming a ten thousand dollars fee for a sex club was a golf club membership, and a one thousand, five hundred dollars VENMO payment to a stripper was a payment for artwork.
Wow, all right, claiming a stripper as artwork is like the nicest compliment ever to that stripper. She's like, am I turning you on? And He's like, actually, you're making me reflect on the interconnectedness of light and darkness. Now I shall slip a twenty between them titties. But yes, look, Hunter Biden spent millions of dollars on drugs and sex instead of paying his taxes. And it's shocking to think that the presidential race might come down to who goes
to jail first, Hunter Biden or Donald Trump. Although maybe, if we're lucky, the two of them might end up in a cell together, like you throw George Santos in there, and I am watching that show seriously, though, I feel bad for Joe Biden. People say he needs to rain Hunter in, but like how his old timey vocabulary doesn't even cover this kind of stuff. Son. I heard you've been smoking the jelly beans, watching the hanky panky reels, paying paying birds to shake their fannies. We're almost out
of Schlitz. For more on the Hunter Biden indictment and its consequences for twenty twenty four, let's turn to Michael Costamael, Michael, I know this story gets complicated with all the tax issues. What are the implications for twenty twenty four?
Well, cal, as someone whose accountant is currently in prison for murder, I can tell you Hunter's situation is devastating. I don't think the Republicans are going to survive this.
Republicans you mean Democrats.
No, I mean Republicans because on the one hand, yes, these charges against Hunter paint the picture of a deeply troubled man. But on the other hand, these charges also paint a picture of a man who is and I can't stress this enough.
So cool? What is cool about this?
Oh?
Great question?
Everything?
I mean, the two week benders, the sex clubs. He's like a one man episode of Entourage, the coolest show. The guy even got kicked out of hotels for partying too hard, which is way cooler than getting kicked out for crying. Too hard. See if I ever stay at that Best Western again.
I'm sorry, Michael, but I disagree. It is not cool to spend a million dollars on drug fueled sex parties and then try to get the irs to pay for it. You know what? Actually that so I'm saying it. It does sound pretty cool.
Right right, And that's going to be the Republican Party's big problem. If voters start to think of Joe as the kind of guy who can snowplow coke with Hunter in the champagne room, well that destroys the Republican narrative. He's not sleepy Joe. He's wide eyed, energetic Joe. Yeah, with a bunch of crazy ideas, and most of them are about a train that can go to Mars. But he's engaged, and that's what America wants.
I don't know, man, I don't know if people will vote for Joe Biden just because they think his son is cool.
Well, first of all, cal I didn't say his son is cool. I said his son is so cool, which he is. And that's what the Republicans don't get. Hunter's got lambos, porn, sweet clothes. What's Trump got a golf cart? High cholesterol and indictments, indictments about documents, boring.
Good luck in the election, Nerd, hang on, Michael Hunter isn't even the person running against Trump.
That's right, which is why I agree with you cal that he should be. People always say they like Biden, but they wish he were younger. Well you got your wish Democrats Hunter Biden twenty twenty four. You don't even have to.
Change the signs. That's so so. I told you, I told you when do we come back? We'll find out why the nutcracker is gay? And then Joyoto will be joining me on the phone. Don't go where, Welcome back to the Daily Show. You know Christmas is around the corner, but this year there's a bigger threat to the holiday than it's ever faced before. Grace Coltenschmidt has the report.
We all know there's a war on Christmas, but this year, the happiest season is facing another threat. Christmas is turning gay.
Gay nutcracker complete with a rainbow hat trans flag.
Why do you think Target is selling this type of merch?
Hey, gay nutcracker? It doesn't make sense. Why do they keep pushing this?
Who are they trying to appeal to gay nutcracker has gone way too far.
I hit the streets to warn of the terror that was coming this holiday season. People might have to bust their own nuts. I'm gonna show you something, and I want you to try not to lose your shit. Okay, sure, it's a nutcracker.
Well, it's definitely just out of the classic because it's uh choice in clothing is a little suspect water shit.
It's uh, it's progressive. You know, it's sort of terrifying that so many people are frightened by a little wooden toy.
It's a nutcracker.
You're saying that, even just looking at this, you haven't turned gay, not immediately.
The gay nutcracker is.
Better than the straight one.
Would you say that this nutcracker is born this way by Lady Gaga? I don't know. I couldn't answer that totally. That's fair, was the whole question. Yeah, it's crazy that they're doing this right, Like, they're taking this manly Christmas icon who puts nuts in its mouth, typically dancing with sugar plump fairies, and they're making this gay.
I've never associated the nutcracker with mainliness.
I mean, like, you know, it's totally traditionally a manly thing.
Christmas has never been gay at all. It's always been about a beautiful.
Straight couple, a virgin and her.
Husband who have never had sex, and he's just remarkably chill when she gets pregnant. Ally the little get see you forget that part? I did forget that partly? Thank you?
Looking at this, you can't tell.
Me that they're not sexualizing Christmas. Yeah, maybe, but also that Christmas is full of sparkle. So Christmas is.
Full of sparkle.
Oh my god?
How have I been so blind?
It's the cleariest holiday at all?
How did I not see this?
The twinkling lights, the tinsel working with elves.
Christmas is so gay?
Yeah, it's amazing.
Where's missus class?
Oh she's having an affair with another woman, isn't she?
Yeah? Yes, mm hmm.
Are you saying theme or Christmas is gay?
I don't think Christmas is gay?
Can you help me remember some of these straight lyrics for these holiday songs? Okay, have yourself little Christmas.
Make the Yule Tide, fine, make the Yule Tide gay.
Christmas has always been gay, and so has the Yule Tide. Okay, So someone needs to tell the Yule Tide family done, we.
Now are gay, Beryl.
Yeah, it's been there the whole time. It's been there the whole time. Maybe the problem isn't that this isn't gay, but that it's not enough representation. So I made something. It's a lesbian nutcracker, decidated hitter on the softball team. It has a Galer Taylor Swift tattoo, and it.
Even comes complete with the.
U haul I love. It's also got a carabiner to be your keys. Oh my god, I love it. How much would you buy it for this?
Ninety nine your right soul to the.
Man next to me, twenty forty sixty eighty one hundred dollars dorm We now are gay a pearl. Now that I've made the perfect lesbian nutcracker, I realized there should be a nutcracker for everyone, even for those who want their mule tied straight.
If you could make.
This nutcracker less outlandishly gay, what would you do? You know, get in bruise with the boys, right, okay, so beer, okay, maybe like a like a chest tattoo that said like iHeart pussy. That's ridiculous, But I've seen it a lot to go, so maybe wearing all black. Yeah, maybe definitely like that, right, I took a survey, So this is gonna be a great nutcracker, And of course it comes complete with a draft beer from an icy mug and then a tattoo that says I heart pussy.
Yeah, but how excited did these crack nuts?
I'm very glad you asked to let me demonstrate. So basically you're gonna need two, right, and they could.
Total butt to butt mode.
Yeah, they can also go chin to crotch mode. And look at that a perfectly cracked nut. Oh my god, I just turned gay.
I wish you knew all the gayest of holidays.
May you proudly smash nuts with any cracker of your choosing.
Thank you, Grace.
When we come back, Zoya Uktar will be joining me on the show Don't Go Away. Hi, welcome back to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight is a filmmaker and a screenwriter who directed and co wrote The Archies on Netflix. Please welcome Zoya Uktar. It's a lot of wooing. Yeah, and I know why you are. You are one of one of the top five, if not like the top director coming out of India right now, which is no small feet given how much incredible talent there is between Bollywood and the streaming platforms and independent cinema. I'm also biased and
the cult cinema for us, I sort of. I mean, you're in America, so everybody views it as the whole subcontinence. But I think I'm biased because we've also been been friends for years. You've met me over to your home for dinner.
Do you remember that night?
Yes? I do, of course I do. Are we gonna are we gonna share that night?
Yeah?
What do you What do you remember about that night?
I remember that my dog almost killed himself on my dog, Yes, attacked the brie from your play.
Yes, I did have play. Yeah, And then you had to.
Like and he choked, and then I was like, my dog's gonna die. My dog's gonna die, Boogie's gonna die, and this is that cap and was staring at what's going on? And then my assistant flipped him around and he.
But not before, not before he like inadvertently bait you, right, And then you had to call your vet to be like, do I need rabies in jaiery?
No?
He was like freaking out because he was choking. I was trying to like, yeah it was, it was. It was a chaotic night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean I feel like that goes hand in hand with going to Mumbai. It's like beautiful chaos that will follow you everywhere. The uh the Bollywood press has always been very kind to me. They're also like super dramatic, which I secretly yeah yeah, yeah yeah. And there was one I remember we did this press junket for something and they said, uh so some clicks. So I was like, okay, take some photos. And I remember like just going like this and there was a couch behind me, and this
guy goes, please do some polls. So I was like, what kind of pos do you want me to do? Light out like this and I'm like, bro, I can't because the picture will be everywhere. I'm like, I know, that's why they'll light out like that. So like, do you have any really good Bollywood paparazzi stores?
Yeah, I mean they they they are. They're actually really sweet, you know what I mean. They're not They're not that invasive in that sense, but they will say very random things like I'll get off a car and they'll be like man full end give me full length. I'm like, how can this is my lend? This is it? I can't give you anymore, so stuff like that. But they're like, I've actually been at an event where I fell down and I was like, please don't put this out and
they were like, we won't and they didn't. So yeah, they're very sweet till tonight and now though to come out, Yeah, now they are.
They're very I mean, look, anyone who refers to Nick Jonas as Gjuges, it's doing well. I think in our book a resume diverse as yours. I'm curious what drew you to an adaptation of a comic like the Archiees.
I mean, Netflix offered it to me and I grew up. That's a good start, pretty.
Ball response, by the way.
That's good, you know I grew up. I mean, it's crazy that something so fundamentally American was also fundamentally a part of an urban Indian kid's childhood. And I grew up in the eighties and India wasn't liberalized at that time in global so there was we didn't have access to as much stuff that we do today. And Archie was one of the few things that everybody read and
it was our portal to this country. So everybody it was like and we were eight and ten and we just wanted this teenage life in this fictional place called riverd Hill, and everybody grew up thinking that's America. And then I mean, obviously then we grew up and realized that's not America. But when it came to me it was.
It was also at a time I'm when I thought that it would be nice to do something like a return to Innocence, you know, And it was kind of beautiful that it came to India because it was so special and they wanted the industry in India to make it for the world, and yeah, I just can't say no. It was also like something to go back to Less is more time.
Yeah.
Yeah, Well it's a beautiful film. I highly recommend it. One of my favorite scenes was between Dilton and Reggie. It's this very special scene about friendship at a time I don't want to ruin the whole thing, but where you know, Dilton's character is sort of scared to come out to his friends, and the friendship with with Reggie's kind of codified. Yeah, I guess two questions for you on that what made you want to write a scene
like that? And then part of the reason I asked that is, you know, my partner Josh and I had been tracking the Indian Supremier decision. Obviously very disappointed by the marriage equality decision, but you know why and how do you infuse these inclusive stories in India right now?
I mean stories are very important, and I mean India has a very very vibrant LGBT community and twenty eighteen, homosexuality was decriminalized and there's been so much change and real positive change with that, and it's going to keep evolving. And part of that evolution is storytelling and filmmaking. And somewhere I feel it's not just like, oh, we're representing something, but you are. You're putting people into You're taking someone and putting them in someone else's shoes. You know, you're
humanizing the other. You're just making people come closer, like stories travel and stories stay longer, and I don't know, they just they move you and shift you. And I think I'm lucky to be part of that community that can like that, can affect some kind of evolution or change and represent and be there. And you know, see how I.
Feel you're embarrassment, but also the fact that that inclusivity is obviously noticed and belove it, especially when it's when it's such a great form of included in such a great form of storytelling. You're you worked with your dad and your brother on this movie. Both of them are
multi hyphenates. Yes, I am terrified at the prospect of working with my parents on anything, mostly because when I did Van Wilder way back in the day with Ryan Reynolds, I showed my mom the script and she screamed, this is pornography because there was one nude scene in it, which wasn't me that time. But I'm curious, what what you know, what was it like working with your your daddy brother.
I mean, it's not this is like my fifth film that they are on. They work on my work in some capacity or the other, and it's, uh, it's safe and also the most dangerous because I mean, it's an honest space, so you'll get the truth. But that's dangerous sometimes because that leads to fights at the dinner table. But they're both incredibly talented men, and I am supremely
lucky to have that resource, as is my mother. She's a writer, as well, so between the we all right, so it's it's it's pretty manic.
Yeah, it sounds like you can't like leave your work at home. No, last couple of questions. I just asked because I'm a huge Bollywood fan like you are. You've worked in all these different mediums, like top three favorite people that you would want to work with again again? Wow, I guess for the first time.
Okay again, let me just take again. I think I'm going to take the actors have worked with I think Groscha, Yeah, for sure, I'm dying to work with him again. For Han Octor, I haven't worked with him and ran Beer sing. Yeah, I'll work three of.
Them in a movie. I mean, could you do four? I mean I'm available happy would you by the way, just this is now just strictly for my paycheck. Would you do like a Bollywood adaptation of Harold and Kamar.
I'd love to live. You would love to you would love Let's.
Make that happen. That would be really fun.
It would be huge.
I mean I meant it as a half choke, but if we're serious, we should talk about stage. That's how Paul, I'm stop, all right, I'm down for this. The Archies is streaming worldwide on Netflix. Zoyaktar Everybody, We're gonna take up quick.
Greig Hope be right.
Back after this. Look at it. That's our show for tonight. But before we go, please consider supporting Rainbow Railroad. They help at risk lgbtq I A plus people who face violence and oppression get to safety if you can donate at the link below.
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