Jon Stewart On The "Migrant Crime" Narrative | Ronny Chieng Covers the Presidential Race

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Oh yes, oh baby, we never got well.

But in the Daily Show, my name is Jon Trup, we got a hall of a show for it tonight. I'm gonna try this one. First and foremost wanted to thank everybody for such kind words about my dog, Nipper. Truly meant a lot to me and I took great comfort in it. But before we do anything, Breaking news.

CNN Breaking News.

We begin with the breaking news this morning, the United States Supreme Court ruling that former President Donald Trump cannot be removed from any state's ballot for his actions on January sixth.

I think the real breaking news here, oh pipe down, they know better than the Supreme Court. In all my years of law school, I couldn't believe the arguments. I think the real breaking news here is Wolf Blitzer and I appear to be merging. We are becoming one.

Blitz up.

By the way, the Supreme Court nine to nothing. The ruling was let Donnie cook.

So let that be really, Let that be a lesson to.

All you out there who might be thinking about subverting the Constitution in a presidential election. A you go boy for more In the.

Supreme Court's ruling.

We turned to our own Deasie Leideck lives at the Supreme Court.

Deasy, thank you for going up down there to night.

I warned you before you do your report. Audience filled with law students.

So does he.

Democrats have to be disappointed in this ruling.

Yes, Democrats are doing more shower crying than normal today, John, But they are still confident that a conviction in the January sixth trial can keep Trump out of the White House.

That's seemingly not likely going to happen.

Before election day, right, But fortunately Trump has three other criminal trials coming up. One of those has to be a conviction.

So Democrats are optimistic.

But Trump can still be president if he's convicted. I mean, none of the cases would stop.

That, right, I'm glad you brought that up, John. Democrats say, if none of these cases go their way, there is still another avenue.

To pursue the getting more votes scenario.

They're not there yet. They were going to lay Reese's pieces out in a trail.

That leads into a golden tent.

Labeled our logo that can only be zipped from the outside, or they discussed making him the next Golden Bachelor, once he's surrounded by women his own age, Democrats believe he will spontaneously combust.

I still think the more votes Democrats find a witch, the witch turns Donald Trump into a bird.

The bird isn't there on election day, having already migrated to a warmer climate.

The elections, obviously type the battleground states are going to be difficult, but clearly there is a path to victory for Democrats, even if narrow.

Oh yes, you're talking about sending Trump an Apple vision pro pre loaded with so he'll be too busy masturbating the campaign.

That can work out? There does right, it's everybody don't have it. I didn't think of the last one.

That does sound plausible, But there I have it. Breaking news. The presidential election is still on. Now return you to your regularly scheduled presidential election year programming.

FOSS has learn America's border crisis boiling over.

Hays at the border, the never ending surge of migrants crashing across our southern border. Yes, every two to four years, we are reminded that we have a southern border and it is porous.

There's a migrant crime spree killing Americans, and the President's and accessory to murder.

We are being overwhelmed.

There is no word to describe this except invasion.

Illegal invaders invading America, pouring over our border by the.

Million, criminals, rapists, murderers, child predators, and god knows who else.

God knows who else. I mean, statistically, a couple of them at least have to be podcasters, I mean.

Murderers.

But point taken, I think my pants just shit their pants. And if you're thinking that these are just some Central American no good nicks, think again.

The countries we know they're coming from Iran number one state sponsored terror, their satellite country, Syria, Egypt, home of the Muslim Brotherhood, Afghanistan, home of Al Kaeda, ten thousand plus from Russia.

Record numbers of Chinese men of military age who have come across our border.

The number of military age men that are showing up with military haircuts, clearly in shape, said, these guys are showing up with six packs and military boots.

I'm mad, I'm made. They're clearly claire.

I mean.

Tight asses. I mean there is there's there's not an ounce of fat on these mothers. Let I am so hard, right, I want to go down to that goddamn border, and I want to get ass deep on these immigrants. I want to suck and until I want I want to stick, get cash me outside. How about that? That's what I'm saying. Wow, So we got crowd gloves, my dirty phill impression, we.

Got criminals, we got terrorists.

Is there anyone else down there? We should be worried about?

Anybody ever here?

Of Hanniballector.

It was a nice fellow.

But that's what's coming into our country right now.

Wouldn't cannibals amongst them be the solution to the product? Or are they fasting until they get to America? Well it's clear hyperbole, but there does seem to be by parties in agreement now that the border is a problem. There were three hundred thousand crossings in December alone. That's an all time high, and that is not sustainable. But Republicans turned down the chance to pass a strong border bill.

Supported by the Border Patrol.

Union because of how confident they are that fear mongering will be an effective election year strategy. It's all about branding.

I call it migrant crime.

I really call it Biden migrant crime. But it's too long, So let's just call it migrant crime, and everyone's going to notice because of Biden.

We will call it from now on, Biden migrant crime.

Okay, it's bigrant crime. This is we'll go it. I got a migrant, let's go it. Bigrant Biden crime.

Oh that's good, that's smart.

Migrant crime. It's a portmanteau.

I'm not completely sold on bigrant It really just sounds like a migrant who's opened to crossing either border.

It's migrant crime, bigrant.

Look, there are some undocumented migrants who are committing crimes, some of them horrific. But isn't that true for every demographic, including natives. I feel pretty confident there's still a lot of opportunity out there for.

Our American homegrown criminals.

But it's if it's enough of an issue that on Thursday, we had ourselves a good old fashioned border off. As both men saddled up and headed to the southern border. Trump headed to Eagle Pass and Biden headed to Brownsville. It was bitch ass Cassidy versus the sundown kid, and Biden.

Was fired up.

We're in the United States of America.

Neil didn't know exactly where we are. He knew what country we were in. Biddang boom is the United States of America. I take back everything I said a month ago.

Lay out your proposal, Sir.

I understand my predecessor's and eagle pass today. So here's what I would say to mister Trump. Set of playing politics issue, instead of telling members of Congress to block the legislation, join me. I'll join you in telling the Congress to pass this pipe Artistan border security bill. We can do it.

Together, ladies and jai. I'm in the islive branch has been extended across the aisle in a show of genuine desire to solve this complex and vexing issue. Trump.

Your response, Crooked Joe is the blood of countless that he said victims?

Mmm, that's no. Seriously, though, crooked Joe, we're still going with.

That Crooked Joe Biden, he's crooked.

I took the name away from Hillary because she's no longer relevant.

I guess.

Do you have to say everything that happens in your head out loud. It's been eight years, you've won, the woman's been thrown up. Now you're going to take away her nickname.

Now what are you're doing?

But let me tell you something.

Trump, Oh, I've got serious there.

You can't scare the Democrats because the one thing that the Democrats have are principles. When it comes to immigration, the Democrats hold to our country's cherished ideals, the eternal promise etched at the feet of Lady Liberty that speaks to our better angels.

The only way we're going to have a great future in America is if we welcome and embrace immigrants.

These people are folks that we should be helping.

America welcomes immigrants.

We want people to come here despite where they came from, or despite the circumstances that drove them to this country.

This is a place where the statue of Liberty sits in the harbor, and we say, bring us your tie of those who are uniting to be.

Free, unshakable bedrock American values of compassion and empathy. And there is not a damn thing that you can do to change that. Boss is arriving in New York City from Texas, one to another filled with migrants seeking asylum.

That's all you got.

Nice trick, Texas, But you are at the mayor, We're New New York in the city. How bury you no disrespect, but you are never going to change our values because you're afraid.

So keep sending those bus loads.

Because we got plenty of room in our hearts and in this city.

We have no more room in the city.

What about the yearnings and the tire and the tiredness and the tiredness of those who are doing the yearning?

One hundred and ten thousand migrants we have to feed, closed house educated, watch their laundry sheets. This issue will destroy New York City.

Destroy New York City.

I mean they're supposed to be doing our sheets. What's going on around here? What kind of topsic derby world are we living?

And over here?

Yes, it turns out in the age old battle between values and fear, values.

Never had a chance.

It took two busloads of Venezuelans to go from this to this. So this is the terrible cycle of America is caught in democrats whose high minded values and principles did not survive a contact high with reality, and Republicans who's desire to solve the problem isn't nearly as strong as their desire to exploit it. And no one wins, well except this.

Guy clearly in shape. We said these guys are showing up for six packs and military boots.

Learn more about it in his new special Doctor Phil Straddles the Border.

So let's get right into our ongoing coverage of Indecision twenty twenty four. Let's begin with the big news. Yesterday was Super Tuesday, the most important Tuesday of the year if you are nerd. With sixteen states and territories holding their primaries on the same day, it was the last chance for someone other than Donald Trump and Joe Biden to break through and change the dynamic of the race. Please boot out on't like Biden and Trump dominated the vote, Please don't let them dominate the vote.

President Biden and former President Trump dominate.

The vote, sweeping nearly all their.

Primaries and clearing the path were a November rematch.

The baby boomer death grip continues. Does anyone else have a chance to through.

An NBC News election Alerger report? And this is good news for Nikki Haley. NBC News can project that she has won the State of vermonitor first victory of the night.

Yes, formond.

Yeah, Nikki won the Subaru owno who makes their own honey voting block. You can build on that. Nikki Haley twenty twenty four baby.

Breaking news this morning, Nicki Haley dropping out of the twenty.

Twenty four presidential race, leaving Donald Trump the last man standing in the race.

Nah, don't quit now, Nikki. You are only eighty thousand delegates behind. If you drop out, who a little girls without any principles, convictions, or charisma look.

Up to.

Actually, you know what? Hang on, I need to talk to Nikki for a second. Nikki, I honestly, I'm sorry. I have no idea why everyone, including myself, is being so mean to you. I was actually rooting for you because I know you are just trying to save your party and the world from Donald Trump. And all we ever did was shit on you because you're such a giant loser who sucks so bad.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm doing it again.

I'm sorry. Please consider this a formal and sincere apology. We should have done a lot better, like you should have done your own home state, and you lost by twenty points like a loser.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I can't stop. I can't stop.

But that's right to God.

If you turn around and endorse Trump, I will totally be expecting that but now Nicki Haley's out, and so the whole party is coalescing behind Donald Trump. Even Mitch McConnell endorsed him today. Mitch, I mean, man, you said Trump did an insurrection, Trump said racist shit about your Asian wife, and you endorsed him again. I mean, what is wrong with your brain other than that thing that's obviously wrong with your brain. So now it's officially Trump

Where was the drama?

I swear someone doesn't murder that fiance on the Love Is Blind finale tonight. I'm smashing my TV, although to be fair, that was a littlebell of drama. Democrats did give Joe Biden some trouble yesterday in Minnesota.

Nearly twenty percent of.

Democrats voting uncommitted instead of voting for Biden, a significant protest vote fueled.

By concerns about his age and support over Israel.

Joe Biden lost American Samoa to a little known candidate named Jason Palmer fifty one votes to forty.

Hell yeah, Jason Palmer. Looking go hello?

Quick question? Quick question, though, Who the fuck is Jason Palmer. I've never seen this bloate up Matt Damon in my life. Sonny.

He wins American Samoa.

I mean, this must be a fascinating guy for an interesting background. Tell me more.

Palmer's biography holds him up as a political outsider.

He called himself an education and tech entrepreneur. Okay pass pass, hot pass.

I don't need another generic white guy tech entrepreneur. Okay, no thanks. I can't believe this is who sid from Toy Story became. But as boring as this dude was, if you watch his campaign video, you'll see that he had one thing going for him. Correct pronunciation, tallo falava.

I'm Jason Palmer, American Samoa.

I'm asking for your vote in the Democratic Caucus on March fifth.

Yeah, American Samoa. I also can pronounce it correctly, just like when I visited Chile and Buffalona where I ate a croissant. That's how underrepresents the Pacific Islanders are. If you can say that name correctly, you'll sweep the vote. But still, how can you be so popular in American Samoa when no one knows him here in the mainland.

You're probably wondering, who is this Jason Palmer.

I've never heard of him before.

Well, in the mainland, I'm actually very well known.

Wow, I actually respect that this dude is going down there like, Hey, I'm the most famous man in America. You guys don't have an internet, right. Here's what I think really happened. American Samoa got together and voted for this guy as a pr move because they need it. America doesn't give them citizenship of votes. Most Americans don't even know that American Samoa is part of America, even though it's in the name. So you just let this random guy win the primary, and all of a sudden,

I've been walking up and down this beach all day, and let me tell you, the mood is great. People are smiling, the sand is soft, I can see whales. I'm falling in love with politics all over again.

You know that's great insight for more Minnesotas. I'm committed vote. Let's go to Michael Costa and Duluth. Michael, what are you seeing on the ground there?

What am I seeing?

I'm seeing Grace in an island paradise while Michael Costa is stuck in a Duluth parking lot. According to an exit poll I conducted with myself, these results can suck. Why did Grace get to go to American Samoa?

Sorry, where's American Samoa? I'm in American Samoa.

Yeah, Michael, maybe if you had some cultural sensitivity you could be there too. Grace. What a vote is saying about what they want from the Democratic Party?

A lot Ronnie, I've talked to a bunch of voters. One of them is a very cute volleyball instructor. And later I'm going surfing with one of the Rocks cousins.

Right, great, And Michael, have you talked to any of the Rocks cousins.

They're not here, dude, nobody cool is here.

All right?

It's just me and Princess Leah ear muffs, trying not to freeze to death. Meanwhile, Grace is having the time of her life on.

A sunny beach. I hate democracy. This sucks.

Ouch, Michael, I'll.

Have you know it's not always perfect.

Here.

It rained this morning, it made over the mountains.

It was just so beautiful.

I'm not usually spiritual, but like I got.

It, you know.

Yeah, that's amazing, Grace. It sounds like you need to stay there a bit longer. We'll set you up.

Michael.

Hey, you stay out there too.

What?

No, I want to come home, Ronnie, No, no.

No, we can't afford to fly you home if we're going to pay for Grace to stay out there.

What.

Yeah, Michael, have some respect. I'm reporting.

Excuse me?

Could I get another complimentary my tie? I'm very well known on the mainland.

Where's cool It's when Michael calls Everybody.

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