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This is the Daily Joke with your host John Stuart. Yeah, welcome to let Down My show. I gotta buy it to John Shorry. You gotta look at what's happening. We got a show for you tonight.
My god, John Mulaney's gonna be joining me, fresh off of his hit Netflix show squid Game. First, but let me just say this is start off.
This is start off weekend. This weekend terrible again. I'm so sorry. Friday. We were in the office on Friday. We planned a very fun show. It was gonna be light.
We were gonna come out here talk about little Kim Jong Trump and his big military parade.
Slash Kin, Senia and.
Howard men that we all live in North Korea now, and all the hyperbole of this massive display of American military power really butted up against what the parade actually was, which was this.
Was that was that tank?
Was that tank squeaking We have a trillion dollar budget for the military. Nobody's got WD forty, nobody squeaky tag.
Nobody can just go in there.
This there's less a show of overwhelming force and more like a military museum getting in its steps. It was it was actually, it was actually kind.
Of nice and fun.
It took you through the history of the army, from its days of tri cornered hats and muskets to its brave future as oh bot dog walkers.
Hey, hey, hey, he's true. Who's gonna clean up these ball bearings? He's just gonna.
Who's got a three to a tongue explosive nose?
You do?
You do? Can I book?
No? But for all the hype was a relatively reserved, non particularly well attended event that left all the VIPs lucky enough to see it.
Board out enough fuck in mind.
Meanwhile, the real crowds turned out for the No Kings March.
We're a million fathers in cities at the concret to protest.
Our throw descend into authoritarian dystopia.
They protested and showed up all the hats they made.
And in Boston the No King's Parade conveniently coincided with the Pride Parade, and it goes in Wait a.
Minute, the gays have developed robot dogs.
The gays. The Gays have the advanced.
Technology or are those just the gay robot dogs the secretary of Defense headsets wouldn't allow to serve.
Openly in our other army? Is that they're not allowed to serve.
Well, guess what secretary of head set they are serving. I know that that the point is no kings appear to be arousing success and the military parade's failure to succeed in its grandiose objectives can be described in really this one Fox News clip, and I promise you we did not edit this in any way.
If I was the Iatola watching the watching Fox News coverage, which I hope he is, of this parade, I would be very frightened, and I would be thinking twice about whether I want to retaliate against the United States.
The Iahtola would be frightened.
They're waiving.
Does the iatola know the Americans have obtained jazz hands surrender dance? But as always, reality was no match for President Donald Trump, who's had a very specific and low bar of success for his birthday parade.
Last night was a tremendous success. They fantastic audience. It was supposed to rain. They gave it a one hundred percent chance of rain, and it didn't rain at all.
Was beautiful.
Nothing says I just turned seventy nine like shouting about how the weather forecast was rolled.
It was a tremendous success.
They said it would rain. I knew it wouldn't rain. You know how I knew. My right knee didn't bark it's going to rain. It always barks. You see this show, that show.
About that stuff, fun, care free, light, enjoyable, old man talking weather, gay robot dogs.
The world. That could have been you, the viewer would have enjoyed.
But the reason why we couldn't spend the whole show on the parade. Perhaps the reason why the parade wasn't as extravagant as it could have been was because our most impressive military shit this weekend was being used elsewhere.
Tonight, Israel announcing it has launched a military strike against Iran. Smoke seen rising in Tehran in video posted online.
And overniz Iranian strikes in Israel retaliation, it says, for Israel's attack on its nuclear, military and energy infrastructure.
Now there are concerns about how much this could.
Escalate, could could escalate. The whole fucking region is escalate. It's all on fire. This is a wedding video from Lebanon over the weekend. Missiles fireworks doesn't matter. I now pronounce you man and doc. But what happened with Iran? Weren't we about to make a nuclear deal? Wasn't our deal maker in chief making a deal to keep Iran from enriching uranium? Actually didn't we have a deal before our deal maker in chief so wisely pulled us from that deal?
Why did this have to go? Bomb me on Iran now?
And by next spring at most, by next summer at current and Richmond rates, they will have finished the medium enrichment.
And move on to the final stage. Huh.
Iran is months away from having a nuclear bomb, it says net Yalu in twenty twelve. By the way, did Iran happened to get that bomb from a company called Acme? Like? Will it be delivered to Israel on rocket powered skates.
When it go off? In a tumultuous meme? Seriously, why didn't we have to bomb Iran now?
Iran is so dangerous weeks away from having the fiscile material for an entire arsenal of nuclear bombs.
Holy shit, that's why Iran's only weeks away from having an entire arsenal of nuclear bombs, says Netan.
Yahoo in twenty fifteen.
Twenty fifteen, think about that, back when we all thought, oh no, the Republicans might nominate that madman Jed Bush should.
Have gone with the question mark.
No, seriously, I'm not being facetious. I really want to know why we had to bomb Iran. Now we're going to show you Iran's secret nuclear files.
Here's the warhead, here's the bomb.
And that's from twenty eighteen.
I don't know if Iran is any closer to having a bomb, but it is clear Israel now has the capacity to enrich their drawings.
No, I swear to God.
Now who talks about Iran getting nukes the way I talk about the Knicks winning a title?
This is the year.
The Knicks are one piece awa weeks away from winning a title. They never win up for it. Of course, a hot war between Israel and Iran could threaten the United States.
It's best we stay out of it.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio saying Israel took unilateral action against Iran and that the.
US is not involved in strikes. We're not involved. That's good, that's good.
The US says it was informed beforehand.
Good neighbor policy. We were informed. Let us know, we're still not being involved.
Really, President Trump acknowledge yesterday that he was aware of the Israeli operation and he gave it a green light.
They don't know what they're talking about. We were told, we approved. It's still Israel's game.
Israel used American equipment during its initial strikes against Iran.
What the frere we doing? All right?
So we knew and we approved, and we gave them all the shit to do it with. I'm confused, are we involved? I think I need clarification from our parade Grand Marshal in Chief.
The President made it clear that the United States is not involved. He wanted to make that very clear. But at the same time, it's possible that we could get involved, but we're not involved at this moment.
See we're Switzerland.
Perhaps the reason why the President is being cagy about all this is because not all of the MAGA are embracing net and Yahoo's bomb fetishes.
We cannot be dragged into and ensuably dragged into a war in the Middle East.
We put America first, and that means American interests first.
Our magabase.
They do not want the United States to be engaged in this.
I don't know anyone that wakes up and thinks about bombing Iran.
Shows how anyone who wakes and thinks about bombing Iran. I gotta tell you, I don't think she knows anyone who wakes up and thinks.
But credit they enjoyed that.
Well, you know what I'm going to say this, there's many surprise some people credit where credit is due. I certainly have tremendous policy and in some instances space laser differences with these folks. But I applaud any group that is steadfast in a diplomacy first posture. The only problem with their posture that I see with it is their reluctance to commit America's military to fighting drawn out and often pointless wars doesn't seem to extend to America.
President Trump should fully deploy the military in the streets, take back the streets of LA, do it, and do it fast.
Huh doesn't want to be in Iran.
He wants to be in LA.
He doesn't want to deploy the military overseas.
He wants to save the military for the real threat US. He's not being hypocritical, just fucking mind blowing. The MAGA mindset appears to be we didn't vote for foreign wars, we voted for civil war.
This is a war.
The Battle for America was going to take place in Los Angeles.
The only way to win here is to double and triple.
Down the current war that we are seeing waged by the Democrats, by the foreign nationals waving Mexican flags.
The city of Los Angeles is an occupied city.
It is time to retake the cities of this country.
It is time to use fours.
What the fuck they are looking for any pretense. They are looking for, any pretense to sick their robot dogs on Democrats. And the strategy that they're using is to inflate the threat that this country now faces to so ri pile up their base as to make the left in this country, represented by over seventy five million votes in the past presidential election, as a legitimate military target for.
The United States of America.
It's a strategy that's been used before to gin up military conflict.
See if you recognize it.
The good people of Iraq, they want a peaceful country, they want security.
The good people with Los Angeles deserve to be secure in their homes.
We're not going anywhere until there is a stable environment.
We're not going anywhere.
We're here to maintain the peace.
Liberate Iraq from the tyranny.
Liberate the city from the socialists.
We will liberate the people of Iraq. We will liberate Los Angeles.
We must.
They don't understand yet. We must invade Los Angeles. We cannot have the world's most dangerous people eating the world's most delicious tacos.
It's so fucking.
Absurd to paint the opposition party in your country as a fifth column, an enemy from within. But again, like I don't want to overact, I don't want to strain the metaphor too much. It's not like the right is calling for the need for a kind of a rock like debathification program to remove Democrats from government post liberation.
We need like a debatification program. Fire every single mid level bureaucrat, every civil servant in the administrative state, replace them with our people.
They're insane.
By the way, was that guy's beard used to color JD. Vance's eyes?
So there you have it.
We've got Israel stoking form worse, We've got the right in this country pushing for domestic war. And I haven't even gotten to the one thing this weekend that was actually really so fucked up. It's almost too much show, you know. In fact, I'm gonna break form. Let's take an intermission.
Here were intermittion over Dank you welcome.
Back to the show.
All right, this is a kind of kid that I hate having to do on the show. But as you know, Minnesota was the site of horrible violence where a state House leader and her husband were killed, a state senator and his wife were shot. The only positive is that the person who perpetrated these acts has finally been caught final But what I was really struck by is what seemed to be on everybody's mind in the midst of this horror this morning.
A lot of questions remained, like what was his motive? Why a motive?
Why did you do this?
When do we learn about motive? Everyone wants to know why.
Bill, his roommate, He says that the suspect was a Trump supporter.
This is a Tim Waltz appointee, This is a Democrat.
I'm gonna be honest, and I truly mean this. I mean no disrespect, Like.
I don't give a fuck why this person did it. I just don't give a I don't care. I don't care whose team he's on. I don't care if he listens to NPR or Fox News. I don't give a flying foot. What blows my mind is our resignation in the aftermath of this nonsense.
What are you gonna do? I don't know.
Put a ship ton of funding and a mental health money. Put a ship ton of money into illegal weapons interdiction.
Maybe that ship maybe.
Maybe, well, what do you though it there? Maybe maybe the chip that Bill Gates had injected in all of us during COVID could have a self disruct button. Take people out before they do this shit.
For God's sake, can't we do that?
Grubhub knows when I want pizza. You don't think grubhub doesn't know when people are getting murderous.
What's the difference between hungry and angry? What's the difference?
We're willing to do.
Things about other issues? We just heard about it. Why are they attacking Los Angeles right now? Why is the right so willing to tear our cities apart in this moment? Dangerous criminals continue to flood our nation and kill our citizens.
This has to stop.
I mean, I think about it for my crane kids. I mean, how safe are they in this society?
One woman or one child violated by an illegal alien is one too many.
The alarm bells were going off a long time ago.
A lot of Democrats will defend this and say, well, you know, it's such a small percentage.
They have blood on their hands here in sim one is too many, One.
Is too many. One death. By the way, true, it is too many. Violence should never be accepted, it should
never be tolerated. But that's for their issue. In the wake of Sandy Hook and Uvaldi and Parkland and al Paso and Lewiston and Aurora and Buffalo and Boulder and Binghamton and Highland Park and Monterey Park and San Bernardino and San Jose and San Francisco and the Pulps Nightclub and the Colorado Springs Nightclub and the Little Rock Nightclub and the Borderline Bar in Thousand Oaks and the net Peppers Bar and Dayton and the Waffle House in Nashville
and Virginia Tech and UVA and MSU and UCSB and FSU and NIU and SMC and the.
Southern Land Springs Church and the Mother em Manual Church in Charleston, and the Living Church of God and the Tree of Life Synagogue and the Allen Mall and the West Roads Mall and Fort Hood and Lockheed Martin and what are.
We fighting doing? What are we doing? Far?
And the way, By the way, that is a wildly incomplete list.
We kept it to the last twenty five years.
And it's still not everything. And what's their response to all that.
They're doing the same thing that they always do after there's a mass shooting and they politicize it.
The issue is not with the Second Amendment.
Guns aren't the problem. Does a gun commit crime?
Democrats want to take away your guns.
They don't want to solve problems.
Turns out, when it comes to mass shootings, one's not too many. Actually a shipload isn't too many. And by the way, you can say Second Amendment all you want, but you definitely don't seem to mind throwing out the constitution when it comes to deportation.
And I am legitimately asked me this question. This is truly legitimate, right.
I know I can be like, but like, I am genuinely baffled. Why is it when a foreigner or someone that shouldn't be here kills one of us. We're gonna put one hundred and fifty billion into border security. We're gonna militarize our cities. We're gonna spend trillions of dollars to bomb and destabilize foreign countries overseas. We're gonna ban people from random countries from every visiting here. We're gonna
take our shoes off at the airport forever. But when we do it to ourselves, nothing is it that the only acceptable deaths are those that are made in America. Our only response now is to tally up the psycho scoreboard on whose side the purpse belongs to. I honestly would like to know, Like it makes no sense, it's jarring cognitive.
This is Senator Mike Lee.
All right, great state of Utah, which by the way, suffered a tragic shooting death at one of their No Kings events over the weekend. And just a little backstory. I've met Senator Lee, he's the best. In twenty nineteen, when we were trying to get permanent reauthorization of the rape Phifer Louis Alvarez, the Droga Act, we met with Senator Mike Lee in his office down in Washington. We had a team of Feel Good Foundation and a team
of first responders with US firefighters, cops, other people. One of the cops had been in the first tower when it collapsed.
Right, So all.
These first responders are going around the table and they are sharing their stories to try and get Senator Mike Lee to support this bill that's going to provide life saving coverage and money to the victims of this terrible terrorist attack.
And the illnesses they are suffering.
Since then, when the one cop says his story about being in the tower that collapsed and the aftermath, when he told Senator Lee about that experience, Senator Lee smiled and said, I bet you've got a lot of.
Stories of dead of like what spring break? Like?
What are you talking about? We met a lot of people in Washington. Some were hopeful some of those meetings. Some were upsetting meetings. That was the only meeting where we all walked out and looked at each other.
And went, what the fit is wrong with that guy? The only one.
I say this for context for why I use Senator Lee as the avatar for the insanity of this moment. Here he is on the Senate floor talking about why he is for these you could call draconian immigration policies.
The tragic case of an Riley, a life cuts short by an illegal alien. Her case represents hundreds of thousands of families across this nation whose lives have been upended by the invasion that our leaders allowed to happen.
Now, look, he's right to be upset at our leaders for allowing unsafe conditions to happen.
That's fine.
Here's Mike Lee tweeting this weekend about the assassination of a Democratic legislator and her husband. Just hours after we all learned about this tragedy.
Republican Senator Mike Lee of Utah hosted a picture of the suspect at the door of one of the lawmakers with the caption, this is what happens when Marxists don't get their way.
And by the way, he didn't just post that. He didn't just post that.
He pinned that to the top of whatever the fight is that you pin stuff on on Twitter, your Twitter refrigerator, to show off your Twitter work, and then to let all of us know that that is not the depth of his depravity, that he can go deeper.
He posted this the Senator and posted another picture with a caption Nightmare on Wall Street mocking. Of course the name of the Minnesota governor.
Okay, First of all, elm Street to Wall Street is a shitty pun. As a comedian, I must object, you've got Wolf of Wall Street just sitting there. And second, I truly want to know why in his mind, one death the hands of an immigrant is worth one hundred and fifty billion dollars of border security, a militarization of American cities, well just the blue cities. I know the undocumented immigrants in red state fields are the good ones now suddenly that and I guess mar A Lago hospitality workers.
But I want to know why those deaths in Minnesota are worth only a night of edge lord shit posting. No billions for mental health, no stopping illegal weapons, ravenging, no nothing. We should ask him why. I bet he's got some stories to tell when we come back, John mullaney, we'll go away.
Right back in the show.
All of my guests tonight one of my favorites, one of my favorites, not just as a comedian, as a person.
I guess Tonight, an actor, writer, comedian hosts the Netflix show everybody's live.
Please welcome John mulaney.
Yeah, that was not when When was there a week ago?
This was two weeks ago. That fight was two weeks ago. Yeah.
Those gentlemen, and I call them gentlemen.
Yeah, young men, young men, thirteen fourteen, no fourteen, three fourteen year olds. I'm forty two. They add up to me.
They do add up to Yeah, they do. Yeah, you show no worse for wear. Look you look healthy. You look I saw no limp.
I'm moving, I'm moving slower. Do you still feel the eight I still feel that lactic acid. You ever fought three boys and you get that lactic acid build up in the lower body.
I don't think they've Most people haven't.
Fought everyone should. Let me say this. Obviously there's a lot going on right now. This is the most important message you'll hear tonight. But everyone should fight three teenagers once a year. Follow the rules. We did. No eye gouging, no cutting off of airways, no no kicking, just sort of advanced hugging and wrestling. Sure, and you'll feel so much better. I feel invigorated. I really, I've never been more present in my life because I had to be for that fight. You understand what I mean.
So in some ways it's like skydiving or Everest, sure, except with fourteen year.
Old exactly like they said about Everest, why do it because it's there? Well, I technically I flew those boys in. But once, once they were there, I said, I'm.
Just as curious for no parent. Yeah, overstate lines? Was that over state lines?
Yeah?
Yeah? But I checked, And I don't mind answering that because I checked all that shit out. I made sure, No, I really did. You should traveling teens, you got to always dot your eyes and stuff. Sure, so I brought them in separate hotels. Don't let them meet for real, because I couldn't get them to. I didn't want them planning anything or developing any strategy, how long if I may.
Sure.
By the way, and that episode that was the final episode of your twelve week twelve and you did twelve in a row, which I thought was in some ways bragging to go to do twelve weeks in a row.
It makes the runted very much to stop at seven. But then we read it of us look a little bit, oh please pathetic? No, you got a rigorous schedule Mondays And then.
Yes, you don't know, you don't know.
When I'm out here at the children, I fight, you have no idea.
So these fourteen year old Jacob, Ben and Adarsh who was the one.
Who began to go silver back. After it was over, there was one of them. As soon as it would.
Over, he jumped up and went, I think that was a Darsh. If I'm getting it wrong, I apologize. But Jacob had never met a d A Darsh had never met Ben, and Ben had never met Jacob. They never met till they met on the met randomly selected. No, there were thousands of submissions, or maybe there was like a hundred, I don't know, but we found three, right, yes, So then selected by one of my writers, the great Langston Kerman. Langston Kerman hilarious, hilarious comedian, yes, great actor, hilarious.
He was a teacher for many years and he fought his students one day, like they just were ragging on him, and so he locked the door of these three boys and they just went at it. And I think, whatever the statute.
The plot of Lean On Me, I think it was very I think, And did he have a bat.
No, But it was as if Joe Clark from Lean On Me took it to the appropriate level, which is some fighting. There's all these podcasters now talk about a crisis with men and boys.
Sure, right, and they have a lot of them to the mail. Yeah, they.
Shaved their heads and things like this. They are and they talk, they make little video diaries in their basement and so forth. But if you want to really get to the root of it, you get three of them together, get him in nice suits and helmets, and you get in a suit yourself. When you go at it.
Let me tell you something, because I hadn't looked at it in this way. You weren't just fighting for entertainment. In many ways, this was a crusade to save American youth and maleness.
Absolutely, yeah you are, if I may, It was not frivolous. Yeah you are the man in the arena literally.
Yeah yeah, Teddy Rob Yeah, Teddy resaved that quote. Have you ever been sent that? That means you have a big failure. I had a sick I had a sitcom that was shot out of the air like a duck in Duck Hunt, and everyone sent me that quote, and I was like, man, this must be bombing because everyone's everyone's sending me the man in the arena.
Now, these kids, if I may say, I thought you held your own for God, must have been forty one seconds. Forty seven seconds right Ford, which is no small feat for an asthmatic or whatever.
I don't know what physically idealist.
I don't have a lot of physical prowess. I fought when I was younger, but those I'm much older now. What I had that they don't have, And a lot of kids don't have this If you ever want to fight, one is they don't have core strength. But I do a lot of core because I have a tear in my hip, which I've been open about, so it's not cheating a lot of pet They know about the hip that they did, they do about target the hip. Yeah, they went for the hip, but they really went for
this leg because they knew I was a goner. I was going to sink right into the LABRM tear. But forty seven seconds I stood until they were choking me out on the mat.
Can I tell you something though?
So those first thirty seconds were chaotic, They were a moment that you had it, But then it was like a movie about you ever seen those alien movies where we have the upper hand, but then all of a sudden, They're like, I think they're learning.
Yes, there was a moment it might have been in a Darsh's eyes. Yes, where they made contact.
And they began to operate as the borg as.
They operate like a three boy monster. Yes, they they I was I see. I knew if I charged first, because I knew I had a couple brilliant moves. I had a couple advantages on them. I'm not self conscious the way a fourteen year old is, right, So I said, I'm gonna charge Jacob with everything I have. Right, he's the biggest of them, and I didn't want him on my back, So I go right at Jacob.
You had a plan.
I had a plan, but I didn't realize how much I needed to keep moving. As Ben and Adarsh closed in on me. Adam Sandler, who's standing right off the ring, was he your cornerman? Sort of? Sean Penn was just smoking, but Adam.
Sean p If you want to watch this episode, it is like maybe the most perfect hour long episode of television. In the middle of it, there is a sincere fifteen minute interview with Sean Penn. He and I must go to the same plastic surgeon because we both look like we sleep in a meat dehydrator.
But Sean Penn goes to the third world countries and they go, are you okay, No, he's a good man. He's a tough man.
He is, by the way.
I don't think against Sean Penn. I don't think a darsh would have been beat in the chest. I think one of them would be left with their heart out of their chest and Sean Penn just gnawing on it in front of the other ones.
Yes, we get into it, Sean Penn and I about his Malibu surfing days and the violence that erupted out of what seems like a tranquil activity.
That's right.
So the problem was, and I hope there's a camera angle. I'll have to go through all the raw footage, and I plan to do.
You have the all twenty two of the fight.
Yeah, that's going to be the third act of my life. People visit me in a weird house and I show them the raw footage and proved I could have won. There's a moment where I get Jacob off my back and I go for a dash and I choke. I just can't throw him. I just I go like that, and I go, I can't do.
The leverage thing. Was it you went for the wrong angle or no? It was just.
It wasn't in me. And that was an important lesson in masculinity, you know that. And I went, this is not me right. Don't we all face our own adarsh and go, I could throw this boy now write at Sean Penn, but I'm not gonna do it. You get a cigarette right in the eye, your prestizing in real time, in real.
You're able to do this? Was it kind of a slows I know.
That Bone Thugs in Harmony is waiting off stage.
Which, by the way, when they come.
Out, they come out beautiful music.
It's a beautiful as you're hearing something from the audience that I think I was feeling when I was at home, and what and what you heard you might not have heard it from there is One woman just went.
What And I think that's exactly right.
And I think if I were and again I've been in television a long time, but if I were in the writer's room or in the production and you were walking me through it was about to have.
It, I think I also might.
At some point we did the conversation.
Go what what we our team are wonderful director Joe Tomeo and our life Joey Domeo, Joey to lovely Man, our wonderful lighting desire. Brian Klunder, who doesn't look like shit, doesn't look like.
Any famous people could shaves the beard and.
Wait till someone emerges and becomes famous that looks like exactly. But we talked it out and I and they said, when does bone Thugs know to come out? And I said, when the boys tap out that that was gonna be. I was just so confident.
It's it's a brilliant. Uh.
I really appreciate it. Thanks you. Next to me after I showed all the writers, we were really thrilled.
I loved it.
My only question is there any thought for you? And this is in recognize your limitations of going down in age class or weight class maybe trying this.
I think eight to nine year olds.
Yeah, I'm telling you, I think that could be.
I think this is my feeling. I think that could be the sweet spot.
Yeah.
Where And I'm not even gonna throw this out there four of them. If you still wanted to add up to your age.
Sure we could do that. I mean it's basically probably unconsciously all building up to me fighting my own son, who's three and hours by the way. What does he gets to me and he puts his thumbs over my eyes and he goes, no, no data, open your eyes.
He really wants to go sockets into the brain.
Really wants to go sockets into the brain.
Yeah. I got to tell you when they do.
You know, my boy, the day he beat me in arm wrestling, I really thought he would have a little bit more of a realization of like that this is a mortality.
Play, like he's gonna beat me.
So I said to my go when you finally beat me, like, it's not going to feel as good as you think, it's going to make you sad.
It's going to make you realize something. It didn't. He loved it.
Yeah, And to this day I think the relationship changed to where he physically knows I've got no against one of him.
Yeah. And then he married your wife. That's that's that's international arm wrestling Dad rules.
I have got to make a call hold on.
It's It's fabulous and I'm just so delighted for you and the whole fan John and you guys are lovely, But I did want to ask you. You know, you and I talked about We knew we weren't going to talk about anything, because we never talked about anything.
Uh.
And I didn't want to let it go because you're an important guest, and you're an important figure and show business and comedy.
I wanted to treated you as such.
That's a very name, and so I didn't know what to ask you, So I just went through past interviews.
It is really wild to be on the Daily Show with you.
By the way, we've never we've never done it, just.
Like I can't express how would. It's a very cool moment.
Really, yeah, for you, it's a good moment for me.
I was when I was an Internet when I was an intern at Comedy Central, big thing was a lot of Viacom execs would ask for tickets to the day show and it was so I mean, this was like two thousand and three, two thousand and four. Couldn't get in, couldn't get in the room. So I'd give them tickets to tough craft.
Them. Uh.
These are these questions that I'd asked other guests.
Uh.
And I would like to ask you and whether you I don't know if you'll know you can answer them, or if you'd even know who I'm asking.
Wait, these are You're not going to say who you asked them to. You're just gonna ask the question.
That's right, that's great, But these are other important guests, okay, guests that I was delighted that we were able to have, very nice.
John.
You are renowned as a man of peace.
The John part. I added that.
I was like the first clue, Yeah, it's it's it's not it's actually a red herring. And mister k okay, you are renowned as a man of peace. So I've got to ask what are people saying about America?
Are they digging us?
I swear to god, you think your show is loose, I'm going to show you I pioneered lack of preparation.
Thank you. Yeah, you were a great innovator and no pre interviewing. Thank you, Desmond Tutu.
That's exactly right. Yeah, this is excellent, excellent, excellent.
And I bet the answer he would giggle a lot, and I'm gonna get it. He had the best, the best laugh.
I don't understand.
I once saw a video of him and the Dalai Lama. I don't know what it was from, but they were on stage just cracking up.
Can I test it?
When I would see Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama talk, it looked like a Helium birthday party, I know, like they.
Were all just sucking but looked like a late Carol Burnette.
Yes, you and I should work together. I know.
Here's a question I asked of a guess where's Osan?
I'm a bin Laden?
Uh? Donald Rumsfeld.
Close, Prevez Musharaff, the president of Pakistan at the time, mother of Pakistan.
Yeah, yeah, Wow, he came here, dude.
He came here.
He was doing his auto but it was a tour for his autobiography, his autobiography. Security was kaya was trying to kill him. Security was everywhere like guns, dog, bomb sniffing everything, Pakistan Secret Service, American Secret Service.
And the whole time I was.
Like this, this dude is risking his life to be on this show. And I was like I should have read the book, because I when did the Taliban come to Swat Valley? Uh?
When did they come to Swatt Valley? We believe that Taliban have had a stronghold in that area for some time. The rest would be classified.
Who have asked that?
Who would you have asked that to? Who could you have asked that? That would have dared face you down? Dick Cheney? Malala, I love Malala.
Oh here's here's a good one.
Give us the range of chimpanzee behavior from dressing up like us and playing the cymbals to biting that woman's face off.
What's the full range?
Okay?
Uh?
Like Jack Hannah Jane Goodall.
I'm so bad at this. That'll that'll be it. But that all right?
Hey, did you ever have on that guy? Remember that dude that threw his shoes at George W. Bush?
Did he do the circuit?
I don't remember, no, honestly. Like I'm a big fan of so many comedians who work at the craft. But the funniest thing that's ever happened on television in my life was that guy shoe. And you saw this weird look in Bush's eyes where he's like, oh, we're playing shoes like he knew, like he knew it as a game.
He went he immediately went it was coming anyone.
Yeah, yeah, like he went down. That's a dude, and like, listen, we both have our problems with him. But that guy could duck shoes and he you were clearly. What it said to us was, this isn't the first time someone thrown both of the sho Did he end up? I did that at rehab once in group you you did the George shoe bed. There was this guy that blamed his wife for everything. And I said, as not as a joke. The rest of the room thought it as
a joke. I was like, if you do that again, I'm going if you don't get into your responsibility and take, you know, some responsibility for what you did, I'm gonna throw my shoes at you like that guy did at George W. Bush, big laughing group. The guy did it again. One shoe, right yeah. That guy's still sober, is he really?
Yeah?
And it was the second shoe that the fear of the second shoe.
Do you remember in a rock Did that guy have one more shoe in the chamber or did he got these? I think he emptied both chambers.
Two shoes, right yeah, And I'm guessing slip ons. Though I never inspected.
Them, they appeared to be slip ons. They need not to be perfectly Frank did not seem to be the heaviest, most structured shoes.
They seemed to be.
It was a loose shoe.
That's that's no question. I'm so happy to see you.
It's so happy to see mister John. Let me go.
Everybody do it on Netflix the way, go on mix and whatever. Tour from Tom the Lady dot com, Don laans or go right not cover the nights before we got We're gonna che him with for the rest of the week.
Jordan Clotberg, Jordan, Jordan, Yes, what's on What's on deck for this week? O?
Two words? John Trump Mobile.
Today the Trump family announced their starting their very own mobile phone company, and experts are saying this new phone could completely revolutionize the way dumb dumbs get scammed out of money.
Needless to say, I got one. This is true? Is this a good use of the president's time? Oh?
Of course it is, John, That's what MAGA voted for. A president with the same LinkedIn page as Ryan Reynolds.
So he's not gonna be trying to find a solution around Israel World.
Oh oh, he's got a solution.
The two sides won't be fighting once they discover the smooth taste of Trump Tequila one zip and it's so long Middle East. Hello, Margaritaville.
Don't I don't think tequila is going to be enough at this point.
Why it has has gotten bad? I haven't checked the news, My my Trump funk gainst zero bar.
Jordan, Jordan clipp For everybody here it is.
Your moment is off.
Let me tell you you're gonna see something.
This is not an Apple parade.
This is a full on military parade US Army on demonstration through the years. You're in for something special. Because America's special and we deserve it. We should celebrate it and now apologize for it. This parade's gonna be awesome.
Take that, haters.
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