Jon Stewart and The News Team Cover Joe Biden's Presidential Future & Project 2025 | ICYMI

You're listening to Comedy Central, M what is the Balance show? My name is John Stewart, and we are.

Back maybe.

By the way, I want to talk off very quickly.

I mentioned a very quick congratulations to England and France who held their elections, uh, to great success.

We would talk about them tonight, but we're in America. So last week we did a live show after the debate.

Uh wait wait, where where did we Where did we leave off?

This cannot be real life, It just can't.

We're America. God ah yes, anger and despair.

By the way, for those who at home, the scripts are printed on kevlar, which is why I had trouble. It's no way weak fingers. Now, since the debate, it's been quite interesting. Actually, many Democrats have expressed concern that the president has a hard time.

Expressing thoughts. And then there is this.

Other camp who think that those people should shut.

The fuck up, stop this whining, stop the complaining, stopped trying to be the cool cynical.

Kids, but not want to be in a fox foul with any of the people who you know, were clutching their pearls all the side.

And curls, clutching and handwringing, were bed wedding and soaking all the way through the mattress?

We panic and piss our pants.

First of all, I'm not sure incontinence is the metaphor you want to go. And second of all, when are we going to free Senator Fetterman from the Turkish prison?

He's been held there.

That's I don't know, kiss his hands.

But to those of you who say these concerns are simple pearl wedding and bed clutching, we all make mistakes, I thought I would take a moment to explain where the concern about Biden's performance might be coming from, why these concerns may be seen as a more foundational issue. You see, even before the debate, there had been some troubling moments of disconnect from the president.

You know, perhaps this chart could if I marry.

Sorry, the pen caps are made of kevlar, very difficult too.

Perhaps this chart.

Will illustrate and illuminate the point more clearly. For instance, in twenty twenty two, when we saw Biden give a shout out to Representative Jackie.

Representative Jackie, you here? Where's Jackie? I think she want to be here?

Unfortunately, Jackie was dead.

It's something that the President seemed to have known six weeks earlier when he released they can statement about her death.

So huh.

Then there was the recounting of a recent conversation that the President had had with his counterpart, the president of.

France, and from Germany, I mean, from France, looked at me and said, I said, you know, why how long you back for?

Unfortunately, Miterrand is also dead for longer even than that first lady. So huh.

And even on teleprompter things continue to huh, Like the reading of the instructions people sometimes add to teleprompter scripts.

The percentage of women who registered to vote and cast a ballot is consistently higher than the percentage of the men who do so. End of quote, repeat them. At the travel school I went to was a guy named Riley last name.

Four more years.

Ah.

Then, of course, to be fair state of the Union concern dropped a little bit of the state of the Union.

He kind of nailed it.

But then the debate happened and we kind of what the what is what.

Now?

To my mind, the debate was a shock display of cognitive difficulty recognizable to unfortunately anybody who's dealt with aging parents and it's a hard watch. But there were many viewers who felt it was not as noteworthy as Biden's opponent in the debate.

It's pretty amazing that, you know, ninety percent of the conversation is around Joe Biden's style went up on that stage. Donald Trump was engaged in a level of pathological lying that we've never seen.

Shouldn't the discussions also be about Trump's fitness to serve. Every time he opened his mouth he said something insane or that was a lie. Why aren't there calls for Trump to drop out?

Where are they? Yeah?

Why doesn't anyone ever speak out about Donald Trump?

Or let's say, every night for ten years? But you know what, the party, I take your quarter, not me because I want to hear. But I'm fair point.

And let's take a look at Trump's chart.

It's all bad.

The whole thing is bad.

It's been bad since he's he started to grab him by the pussy.

I mean that what you're gonna know.

The whole thing's been bad.

The whole thing.

The difference is this, I will tell you the difference.

I will tell you the difference.

The difference is Trump delivered at the debate to expectation.

We expect him to.

Be so crazy, but Biden's performance inability to articulate at times from stunning, like I could not believe what I was watching.

Just thinking about it again just makes me want.

To rip up my.

Why do we make this out of such strong material?

But then it got worse.

Rather than respecting the American people and having an honest, at least partial conversation about what we had all seen, we were told immediately, these are not the droids you're looking for.

He has a stutter, he hasn't debated in four years.

He was almost over prepared. He had of people have an off dight.

You know, the president traveled six time zones forward to G seven, and he was also doing continued to do his presidential duties. And also he had a cold. He was jet lagged.

He'd been home for almost two weeks. He was jet lagged. How big is that fing jet? The point is for a campaign based on honesty and decency. The spin about the debate appears to be blatant bullshit, and the redemption tour hasn't gone that much better, whether it's been on the radio.

I'm proud to be as I said the first vice president, first black woman, black.

President, yes, queen.

Or brother, or whether the president is on prompter and fired up.

Let me say as clear as I can, I'm.

Staying in a race.

I'll beat Donald Trump.

I will beat him again at twenty twenty.

I gotta tell you.

Somehow, confusion with confidence is even more unsettlited. Or when the President sat down with George Stephanopolis to prove once and for all how cogent.

He is and to fill a bronzer ad.

Orange man good. None of this was reassuring.

And we're told that the threat of Trump is so great and the stakes are so high that even bringing up these absolutely legitimate concerns about the president's ability to do the most vigorous job in the world for the next four years is enabling fascism. Yet even the president doesn't seem particularly alarmed. If you stay in and Trump is elected, in every you're warning about comes to pass, how will you feel in January?

I feel as long as I gave it my all and I did the good's job as I know I can do, That's what this is about.

That's not what this is about.

There are no participation trophies in endgame.

Democracy.

I remember FDR saying, well, if the Nazis take over Europe, at least both teams had fun.

And it's really troubling.

As this new information has been introduced.

We just learned about this, and now we're all being told, well, you should have thought of that before you knew it. We can't go against the will of the voters Democrats who voted in all fifty states in the primary, that is who they want to be their nominee.

He's the nominee because millions and millions of people voted for him to be our.

Nominee, and he will be our nominee. End of story.

There was no real primary. Biden ran against Dean Phillips. That's not even a real person. That's a stock photo on the package for a garden home.

It's not a person.

AI.

And let me say this, Authoritarianism and Donald Trump aren't the only threats our democracy faces. And arthritic status quo unable or unwilling to respond in any way to the concerns of voters who just received new and urgent information about their candidate also erodes confidence and faith in the system of government.

Get on board or shut the up.

It's not.

It's not.

Honestly, though, get on board or shut the Cup is not a particularly compelling pro democracy bumper sticker, nor is money than to do.

I've gotten a lot of text today from folks who watched a lot of West Wing episodes and imagine a very complex path through which we might have a robust primary process. But Wolf, you know the reality. There's four months left to the presidential election.

Four months is fourth ever. Britain just held an election in two months, France had two in one month, defeated fascism and still had time to have an affair with Denmark? Are you telling me, few sons of bitches, are you coming to my house and saying to my face that the United States, Bruce springs Stein's America can't hold an election better than augh French?

Is that.

It's fair month four months, it's one hundred and nineteen days. There are contestants on the Bachelor who haven't even met yet that will get.

Married and divorced between now and the election.

We have nothing be kind And by the way, I am in no way saying Biden's got to drop out, But can't we stress test this candidacy? Can't we open up the conversation. Do you understand the opportunity here?

Do you have any idea how.

Thirsty Americans are for any hint of inspiration or leadership and a release from this choice of a megalomaniac and a suffocating gerontocracy.

It is trusting a sparitis. Do you have any idea what could be ahead of you?

All one.

Is for someone to keep it one hundred the percentage, not the age.

That's all we want. Here's an idea. I'll spitball it.

It's last minute, but why don't we try and get all the Democrats together.

In I don't know six weeks time.

We could get everybody to fly into some Midwestern town, maybe like one adjacent to important swing states. Let's call it Chicago, and they could spend I don't know four days there because nobody works Fridays anymore, and on Monday, anybody who wants to gives their sales pitch of how they can make democracy more responsive to the people it is supposed to serve.

You could bang it out on Tuesday. The winners could.

Move on to the next round and then face Biden.

They could face Biden.

Biden had to buy Wednesday would be an off day bus tour to find the restaurant from the bear. Thursday, the party emerges energized, unified, sanctified.

You could televise the entire.

Proceeding for four days, as you could call it.

I don't know the apprentice, I'm just workshopping here, So.

Feel free to ignore any obvious weaknesses in your team's existential fight for freedom and democracy and then just white knuckle this thing till November, or take the advice of your own candidate. Well, do you think there are.

Any deva rabbit who a bet dollop other than you?

Probably? I gotta say I like the cut of that fella's jib.

Let's get things off with the big story of the past week, a national crisis with global implications. Somebody shit in the bed in Gwyneth Paltrow's guesthouse.

According to The Daily Mail, a house guest of Gwyneth Paldrose Hampton's home suffered quote catastrophic diarrhea in bed. The house guests then blamed the disaster on ozempic before fleeing the property.

Wow is one of the side effects of ozempic. Not caring about cleaning up the diarrhea you get from ozempic Why would you run out after that? If there's anyone who would be sympathetic, it's the woman who tells you to squirt coffee anema's up your butt And pardon my word choice here, but I want to sit in this mess for just a minute because it brings up an interesting question. When you shit the bed as visibly and as nationally as this guest did.

Should you stay in the house or is it time to leave.

I know that some people would say that the guests just had a bad night. He's a decent man with a lifetime of service as a house guest, and he's earned the chance to stay and clean up his mess. But the thing is, we all know he shit the bed. We can't unsee him shitting the bed, and now every time we see him, we're gonna be wondering, is he gonna shit the bed again?

Are we still talking about the house guest?

All I'm saying is Gwyneth has every right to be skeptical about inviting this house guest to stay over again for the next four years or so.

I mean, it might be too late in the summer to get another house guests. There's plenty of time to get another house. Okay, okay, okay, but who's to say that another guest might not shit the bed even worse. I mean, sometimes the bed shitter you know, is better than the bed shitter you don't.

Maybe, maybe, but we should at least be honest about the bed shitting instead of pretending that the bed was never shut in. Otherwise, we're gonna delude ourselves into thinking that this is the best house guest we can get. And now all of a sudden, it's January and there's a house guest that nobody wanted, and nobody in the house is allowed to get a goddamn abortion.

Oh I'm almost certain we're not talking about the house gates. We're back, gotcha. So Joe Biden shit the bed, and now this campaign is trying to desperately change the conversation back to Joe Biden's opponent.

New reporting today on a plan for President Joe Biden has a plan to tie Donald Trump to Project twenty twenty five and focus on what a second Trump presidency could look like.

Democrats have been shouting from the rooftops that this Project twenty twenty five is.

A blueprint for Trump to gut democracy if he wins.

The DNC purchased five new billboards in Miami tying Trump to Project twenty twenty five.

Today, the current president, Joe Biden just tweeted Google Project twenty five.

He wants us to google it kind of phone in the attack. There aren't, did you? Although I'm not entirely convinced Biden wasn't trying to just google Project twenty twenty five. I mean his next tweet's gonna be alexa, how do you win a debate?

But yes, if you haven't googled it yet. Project twenty twenty five is a nine hundred page blueprint for Donald Trump's second term. It's basically conservative fan fiction, which could very well become fan reality, and it's full of terrifying proposals that range from burning more fossil fuels to outlawing pornography, which is bad news for people who like to masturbate and horrible news for people who like to masturbate to our flourishing coral reefs.

Maybe it's just me.

The people behind Project twenty twenty five were some of Donald Trump's top aids, but apparently it's getting a little too controversial for Trump now because he's running away from it, like it's a disabled veteran who wants a selfie.

Donald Trump chose today to try to distance himself from Project twenty twenty five One truth Social Today, Trump wrote, I know nothing about Project twenty twenty five. I have no idea who's behind it. I disagree with some of the things they're saying, and some of the things are saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. Anything they do, I wish them luck, but I have nothing to do with them.

Really, you expect us to believe Donald Trump didn't read a nine hundred page Okay, now that I'm saying it, I hear it. Yes, I hear it. I do. Okay, Yeah, I do. Okay. Well, let's look at this. Okay, this is textbook Trump. He hides his dog whistles next to some plausible deniability. Every tweet is like a cheesecake factory menu. There's something for everybody. He doesn't mind if it's full of contradictions. He hasn't read Project twenty twenty five, but he likes parts of it. He has no idea who's

President Trump was asked late today about Jeffrey Epstein's alleged co conspirator, Gallainne Maxwell.

I don't know.

I haven't really been following it too much.

I just wish her well.

Frankly, here's here's here's a tweet idea for Joe Biden. Google Gallaine Maxwell.

But yes, the Biden campaign would love the media to start talking about Project twenty twenty five so they can stop talking about things like this.

Hew's broke today that a military doctor is specializing in Parkins visited the White House eight times in eight months.

Eight times and eight months. That is shocking.

I can't get one doctor's appointment in eight months. I had to go to the CBS Minute Clinic to get my tubes tied.

Now, as it.

Turns out, this doctor only examined Biden during his annual physicals, and the other visits were for other people at the White House. So this story might have blown right by until this happened.

The White House today facing repeated questions about President Biden's medical history.

Has the President been treated for Parkinson's No? Is he being treated for Parkinson's, No he's not. Is he taking medication for Parkinson's No.

But the Press Secretary refused to confirm that doctor Kevin kannar expert on Parkinson's disease, visited the White House eight times from last summer to this past spring.

Hold on a second.

You should be able to answer by this point.

Wait no, no, no, no, no no, no, wait a minute, come bed, Please a little respect here, Please, it is you're asking. I also said to you, Ed. I also said to you for security reasons, we cannot share names. We cannot share names.

Look, I know she's trying to protect people's privacy, but anytime you're being that cagy with information, it just makes it look like you're hiding something. It almost would have been better to just make something up like Joe and Jill are and doctor Parkinson's are in a throttle.

I mean, do you want the youth vote or not. For more of the questions over Joe Biden's health, we go live to the briefing room with our senior White House analyst, Michael Costa. Michael, Michael, why is the White House being so cagy about the President's health?

Guys, I've been talking to White House officials and it turns out the media is blowing this way out of proportion.

So what Parkinson's doctor is there? A few times? Big deal?

An SDD doctor has been here every day for a week, and no one's asking if the President has an STD.

Does the President have an STD?

That'd be pretty cool.

Huh No, No, does he have an STD? Or not? Answer the question?

Guys, calmed down.

He definitely does not have hepatitis A, if that's what you're asking.

Does he have hepatitis B or c D?

E FG sounds like a preschool in here.

I mean, this is.

What the White House is talking about. The media needs to calm down.

No, No, the White House can't drop concerning information and then be angry when the media tries to report on it.

There's nothing to report on Biden's fine.

But even if he isn't, which he is, the White House has a great medical staff with tons of spare organs.

Good did Biden need organs?

No one said anything about getting organs from pigs.

Why would he even need that. Biden's in great shape. He's got the heart of an ox.

Wait. Okay are you.

Are you talking?

Are you talking figuratively or literally?

I know?

Right, answer curiating?

Hey, hey, a little respect? Please a little respect? Okay, sorry, good, thank you. Let's be calm and let this family grieve.

What you can't share names about which family is grieving, which sitting president of the United States, Which they're not, but they could be one day, which might be today?

Oh my god, Michael. Michael answered this one question clearly without raising any further questions. Okay, where is the president right now?

The President is at the NATO summon?

Great?

Great, okay, and he's in all of our hearts.

Wait what no, we hate you?

Okay, geez, Michael cost everyone.

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