Jon Stewart and Ronny Chieng Cover Trump's Felony Conviction | ICYMI

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Miname me down, Stuart. What a factulous program have for the night. Now it's been rough for me. Now that my Knicks and my Rangers are out of the playoffs, I'm ready to focus on the world. There's a lot going on today. Doctor Anthony Fauci testified in front of Congress today and ironically contracted rabies there terrible, but his testimony was obviously about whether or not the pandemic was caused by a lab leak. I just will never know.

In Shane.

With the shop with the shul. But of course, the biggest story continues to be the reaction to former President Trump's trial convictions. For the left, the conviction was an exercise in concealed and controlled glee. Many took the opportunity to over demonstrate how they took no pleasure from this day that they had been dreaming about since childhood.

It was a somber and sad day for America that we have now seen a former president convicted on three four fellow accounts.

I would hope we could all agree that this is a sad moment. The justice system had an honorable day, our country had a sad day, and Faris Beulah had the day off. Perhaps nothing personified the delicate high wire between glee and gravitas more than President Biden's chesher cat press conference encore.

Mister president, can you tell us, sir, Donald Trump prefers himself as a political prisoner and blames you directly. What's your response?

Now, don't stop, don't go, don't stop. Why can't they tell him just fucking keep walking whenever he is out in public and he stops? No buaino, okay go sir?

Do you think the condition will have an impact on the campaign. We'd love to hear your thoughts, sir.

Why does everything have to be so weird. Why if you have something to say about it, say it. If you don't have something to say about it, don't say but you're just going to stop and hit him with some kind of seventies sitcom freeze frame. Mister president, what do you think of the conviction? Why?

So?

For Democrats, of course, the challenge is how do we exploit the moment politically? Put out giving the impression that this was the plan, all of law Republicans needed to employ a slightly different strategy.

So this was a sham rigged political show trial from the very beginning.

This is the most outrageous travesty I've ever seen.

This was not law, this was not criminal justice. This was politics.

This was a political smear job.

I guess we all.

Need to shop at Banana Republic from now on.

Because that's what it feels like. Yeah, a Banana Republic. After this trial, we need to shop at old Navy because our country is a sinking ship. It was a sham, a sham. This trial a sham. I say it was a sham. I'm shopping at don't Navy. The trial was a sham. Yes, we impaneled grand juries and submitted evidence. And cross examined witnesses. But how is Donald Trump or his family not allowed on the jury? Outrageous? I guess in America now we need to start shopping at Banobo's

This is the weaponization of the justice system against their political opponent.

This is a justice.

System that hunts Republicans while protecting Democrats.

Oh my god, the justice system hunts Republicans while protecting democants. Someone should mention that to such unprotected Democrats as Senator Robert Menendez and Congressman Henry Quay are both facing corruption charges brought by our Department of Justice. Not to mention, Hunter Biden was facing Jerry's selection in a federal gun chargers trial today. That's probably why you notice everyone on Fox and Friends this morning using pillows to cover their boners.

It.

But now you've done it. The rurals through your sham organization. The good arted and good intention denizens of Magaitania have finally been pushed too far.

Be ready because on January twenty of next year, when he's former president Joe Biden, what's good for the Goose is good for the Gander.

And Daily Wires Matt Walsh said Trump should quote make and publish a list of ten high ranking Democrat.

Criminals who he will have arrested when he takes office.

These Democrats will ruin the day they decided to use law fair to stop a presidential candidate. It won't be Hunter Biden. The next time. It's going to be Joe Biden. It could potentially still be Barack Obama. It could still potentially be Hillary Clinton.

It could be Barack Obama. First of all, why is

He famously said regarding Hillary Clinton, locker up.

You declined to do that as president. I didn't say locker up, but the people don't say lock her up?

Luck up?

What the fuck you never said lock her I think I remember you saying it to her face at a debate.

It's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.

Because you'd be in jail.

To be fair, I apologize. You did not say the words lock her up. You only used a phrase synonymous with locking her up. Again, apologies, you didn't say lock her up. You merely gave the thumbs up to thousands of others chanting lock her up. But that doesn't mean he literally said lock her up, although to be fair, he literally said, lock her up all the time.

So cooking Hillary anyway took it, and you should lock her up.

I'll tell you for what she's done, they should lock her up. Lock her up is right, Lock up the bubes, lock up Hillary?

And he said time and then I and the Fox and Friends b team is just sitting there, tanned and fit, healthy and so hockable. How did they get seld good looking bunch? But there's three of them. One of them didn't remember, he said, lock them up. I can believe two of them didn't remember. Three of them. And that, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, is why we

Now I would have testified.

I wanted to testify.

The theory is you never testify because as soon as you testify anybody, if it were George Washington, don't testify because they'll get you in something that you said slightly wrong, and then they sue you for perjury. You would have said something out of whack, like it was a beautiful sunny day and it was actually raiding out.

Yes, our jails in America are filled with incompetent weathermen.

I'm telling your officer, I thought there would be thunder snow the twenty percent instead of chance. Don't take me away. This is why the.

Law and order right hates court procedures when applied to them. Courts are the last remaining guardrail that is a standard of evidentiary presentation. It is the last place where you have to prove what you say. And you see the difference in what they say out of court versus what they say in court. Here is Trump on the twenty twenty election. Out of court. This is a fraud on the American public.

We know there was massive fraud.

It was a rigged election. Here are his lawyers in court.

This is not a fraud case.

We are not pledging fraud in this lawsuit, legend that anyone was stealing the election.

Here is Rudy Giuliani pleading before the court of seasonal landscapers. Happening there. It's a mix up. He's pleading but not in the actual court. It's a fraud, an absolute fraud. And what does Juliani say about that in court? If we had it led fraud? Yes, but this is not is not a fraud case. It's not a fraud case in court where I would need evidence. It's only a fraud case out there amongst the sod and the mulch or I can say whatever I want. Fox News says

They were flipping votes in the computer system or adding votes that did not exist. The whole situation was carefully calculated and created to steal the election from President Trump.

Did you notice as the fraud trial went on, Sidney Powell turned into Michael Jackson? Is that.

Happened?

The epolets ended that segment with but that's where you can say out of court, But in court, Fox was forced to pay seven hundred and eighty seven million dollars for false statements. The difference between in court and out of court is that in court someone can say, prove it. And the problem is that most of the time in this country, our political leaders are not in court. They are here on TV, where the news media has decided that there's really no such thing as reality.

We now live in two utterly different universes.

These two Americas are living in two different realities.

We're living in two different realities.

Americans are living in two for the most part, two very different realities right now.

No, you're thinking of the multiverse. We are all living in one reality, and it can be the news media's job to litigate the parameters of said reality. What the courts do really well is look backwards and reconstruct the realities of what happened. The news media could do the same, but what they do instead is look forward and wildly speculate on the future.

If Donald Trump is the nominee, and if he is convicted of a crime, could you support him?

If he's a convicted felon, If he is the Republican nominee, does that mean you're still going to vote for him?

Invicted before November?

Would you still support them?

Then?

Will you commit to certifying the twenty twenty four election results, no matter who wins, Let me look forward.

Will you accept the election results of twenty twenty four, no matter what happened?

Senator, No matter what Senator, voting regularities and overlords voting machines that suddenly transform into fighting robots, voting booth powers activate? Will you still certify?

Who?

Thing cares? No one knows what the future holds. Ask this person what it was about the twenty twenty election that they found objectionable, and then litigate the realities of their objections to them in front of them. So when they say to you, I never said locker up, you can say I object they do that? What is wrong with you?

What wrong with you?

And you know what? I gotta Purre's the deal. You really want to ask speculative questions that nobody can answer, We'll just create a show just for that. We'll tip it down to a half hour and call it No One Knows, and you can put all the polls and

Now, let's kick things off with the only presidential candidate with an ankle monitor Donald Trump. Last week, the corrupt and woke DEI justice system find guilty of thirty four felonies, and now he's saying if he gets backs into power, he's going to get his revenge on the people who had nothing to.

Do with it.

Donald Trump is again suggesting his political opponents could be jailed if he wins reelection, including former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Does that mean the next president does it to them? That's really the question. Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the president's wife and the former secretary of state into jail? It's very possible that it's going to have to happen to them.

You're gonna jail Hillary Clinton? Haven't you done enough to this woman?

Yo?

If you're gonna get revenge.

At least get it on the people who did the thing to you, this is like the Russian mob killing John Wick's dog, and John Wick is like, you know who's gonna pay for this?

Hillary Clinton?

I mean, Kennald Trump gets some new beefs already. Okay, you don't see Britney Spear is still getting the fights.

With Christina Agele.

Do you no? Britney's at home dancing with knives like a normal person. But Trump isn't in despite alone. Okay, He's got a whole crew of brain damage friends standing up for him, like Marjorie Taylor Green, who's so mad at what the courts did that she wants to defund New York.

Screw new York.

New York doesn't deserve a damn penny.

We shouldn't fund them one single dime, not a dime.

They don't deserve a penny from the federal government.

WHOA take it easier, New York, Marjorie, you remember that space laser that you're worried about the people who run.

It live here.

Okay, it's kind of sad to watch a person slam New new York when they clearly would make an amazing New Yorker. Okay. MTG's host speech is going to be repeated wood for wood by a homeless guy on the sea train at three am tonight. But let's talk about a different Trump ally who's saying unhinged things. Okay, right now. His name is Byron Donald's and if you didn't know him before, well he's a cool guy with smart opinions.

Republican Congressman Byron Donalds, widely considered a potential VP pick for Donald Trump, is facing backlash from Democrats today after saying that black families were stronger during Jim Crow before they were influenced by Democratic policies.

During Jim Crowe.

The back family was together during Jim Crow.

More black people pot a conservative lead.

Why are Trump's potential VP picks insane? I I never thought I say this, but this might be a good time to take a second look at the dog murderer. Okay, and I know what you're thinking. How could a congressman think that Jim Cole era was good for black families? But to be fair, he's a congressman from Florida and that's literally the title of the US history textbooks. Okay, So let's move on to some cultural news, because it's not just congressmen who have crazy opinions. It's also everyone.

And now to a grocery card controversy getting a lot of traction online. A video posted by a woman who unapologetically says she never returns her shopping cart.

I'm not returning my shopping cart, and you can judge me all you want.

California mom Leslie Dobson says she's afraid her children will be abducted while she's busy returning her cart.

I'm not getting my groceries into my car, getting my children into.

The car, and then leaving them in the car.

To go return the cart.

So if you're going to give me a dirty look, off, wa mean off you.

All right, I didn't even want your kids, but now I feel like I gotta take them because they're talking about shit. Look lady, yeah.

Look lady.

If you want to be lazy and not return your shopping cut, you don't have to use your kids as an excuse. Okay, just say you don't know what six feet This is America. Nobody walks six feet Okay. If you're really that worried about your kids getting abducted, just take them with you to return the cat, or leave them in the car and lock the doors.

Maybe bare your kids are safe. If you want to be extra shirt, just get them bad haircuts.

Okay, nobody wants your weird looking kids. And by the way, who are these kids that are so abductible that you can't walk ten steps without every predator in America descending upon them. If it's that easy to abduct kids in the parking lot, then what's the big deal?

Okay?

If your kids get stolen and just take the ones from the con next door, Okay, this is problems off. Let's move on to some international news. Okay, because there are places deep in the Amazon jungle where primitive tribes are untouched by the model, but luckily Elon Musk is taking care of that.

A reclusive tribe in the Amazon finally got connected to the internet, only the wind Up hooked on social media and porn. Nine months ago, the Marubo tribe.

Got internet service for the first time thanks to Elon Musk's Starling service.

But young men have been sharing porn videos on group chats, while others have phoned victim to Internet scams.

People hunched over on their phones, typing away, sending voice notes, watching you know, video clips. I saw two very young boys just you know, swiping through video after video of Maymar Junior.

Okay, haters, I think this is great.

Okay.

The internet opens up all of human knowledge to these people. They go online and they were like, Wow, there's so much going on.

In the world.

Do you see this lady of the shopping cats. She doesn't want to walk six feet? Okay, let's go get our kids. By the way, I'm so happy that people in the middle of the Amazon get better Internet than I get respect from. But there's one thing they discovered right away.

Porn.

That's right, and untouched. Amazon civilization is now touching itself. Oh more on this remote trod getting into the access we go live to the Amazon rainforest with Troy. You wanta.

All right? Try try, try, Hey, what's the situation over there?

I'm sorry, I canna hear you over the sound of all the dang gay fever. Why do you keep sending me to these places? You told me I was going to Amazon? This is a rainforest. How am I supposed to return this slapchot? I checked this at the gate, Ronnie.

Okay, Troy, can you just shut up for a second. Okay, how has the internet impacted this remote tribe.

It's an absolute tragedy. This was once a wonderful people with proud customs and traditions. Now everyone is glued to their phones. They're falling for scams. The men of stop hunting wild boars and are just hunting MILFs.

And you can't.

You can't feed your family with milk meat. Okay, It's it's too stringy. So we we have to take the Internet away. I mean, can you imagine living in a society obsessed with their phones like this?

Uh?

Yeah, that's that's our society. So what you're saying, we should take the Internet away from ourselves?

Here, Ronnie, I'll kill you. Sorry, sorry, sorry, that's it's the Dengay. It's just that I we we need the Internet.

Okay.

Where else can I get a slap chop same day a store? No, it's it's too late for us, Ronnie. We have no culture left to save. All we do is trade crypto and use chat GBT to write our birthday cards. You know, I love you, Grandma?

How does it do that?

As humanity, we need one place untouched by the Internet. Besides every single goddamn elevator. This tribe is pure and og human. We have to protect them, because they'll be the ones repopulating the world when the rest of us go to nuclear war over some bitches shopping cart.

Okay, yeah, but the sudden decline should be a lesson to all of us, right that the Internet can take something pure and immediately corrupted. I mean, maybe this tribe is a mirror of our own society, and maybe we should all unplugged for the good of humanity.

Okay, you first, you give up the Internet.

I'll tell you all right.

Sorry, sorry, I just I just hit a million followers on half of.

Those I rest my case.

We're a lost cause.

So I'm going to get the hell out of the Amazon before we ruin these people too. I just ordered an uber it's five weeks away. There is an uber pool and it's three minutes away. But like, no, no, no, no.

No, no, wait for Uber.

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