You're listening to Comedy Central, Welcome to the Daily Show.
Please, my name's got short.
We got a lot.
We got a lot going on in the world today, very consequential, the things that you're seeing on the news and all that, huge consequences. But I would be remiss if I did not comment on the big news and broadcasting. Pat Say Jack Patrick Sajack stepped down from Wheel of Fortune after forty one years. It was incredibly emotional, and I just want to say to Pat Sayjack, have you thought about just doing Mondays? Be calm, you can phone that. But of course he is gone, just in time for
Pride Months. Ironically, Oh that's a long. Pride Months is of course that time of year when corporations get together and financially exploit.
The decades long struggle.
Of gay people for acceptance and equality. Hey remember when you a fire it from that bank job after you were outed. Well, Burger King does with a burger that has two bottom buns. Yeah, that's that's not a funny make them up scarred by conversion therapy. Skittles is releasing a colorless version of Skittles, apparently not wanting to confuse gay people with competing rainbows. Yeah, and then there's this ad showing a family overcoming a father's deep conservative values.
As you watch it, try and guess exactly what it is they're selling.
Mom, This is Amy.
Hi, Amy, Hey dad all over he day? Literally?
Is that your dad?
What does he doing?
Did I do it right? What the fu?
Yeah?
The next time you waste an enormous amount of paint to a pot, to your daughter for making a herd a girlfriend walk on big shells off weekend, not even saying anything, just standing there with your little glowering beard face in the shadows. Just taint the face and give
her an oreo. And then of course there's Target. Pride months means so much to them that they set up one small area in their twenty thousand square feet of store to sell you a Pride t shirt they had made in Indonesia for twenty nine cents landing because they believe so much in the cause. Well, Target will be dialing back It's Pride month merchandise this June. What how will I learn to live? Laugh lesbian?
That's right.
Target is apparently less proud of Pride this year.
But why retail giant Target is scrappling with backlash from conservatives over its most recent collection celebrating the LGBTQ community.
Not shop at Target or else, you're gay, and Jarre.
Perbert, even if I'm just getting paper bowels. But that's the burden. Corporations must bear, the care almost too much about the human condition, often finding themselves in the crosshairs of ideologues and fundamentalists. But they stand by their values, sometimes for a couple of months. For instance, post January sixth, hundreds of corporations announced the end of donations to senators or congressmen who voted to overturn the election, and that
moral stand in defense of democracy itself lasted almost a month. Yeah, they ran the numbers, and apparently you can sell more cell phones in the dictatorship, But that month appears almost gandhiesque when compared to bud Light, whose foray into inclusion was last April's incredibly not in the public space small promotional social media video with a transgender influencer named Dylan mulvaney prompting a conservative bud Light murder purge. Dear god man,
those beers had families. Bud Light sales plummeted, stocks tank and it only took two weeks for Budweiser to issue an apology and run a new ad campaign designed to win back the kind of people who shoot at their products.
Let me tell you a story about a beer rooted in the heart of America.
A talking horse. You're apologizing about a transmitter influencer. You think a talking horse, Well, tell us your story.
National velvet found in a community where a handshake is a sure contract.
This is a.
Story bigger than beer. This is the story of the American spirit.
First of all, I think that horse is scared shitless. And second of all, the apology gift to the people upset about Budweiser is a Budweiser curious But don't be sad, for this is only following in a long line of hollow corporate pandering. Meant to convince you that not only are corporation's people, they're good people, decent people who care about the systemic ills of this great nation. We saw this very clearly in the wake of George Floyd's murder.
Corporations saw people's demand for a reckoning with America's racists past, and they said, sure us too.
We're on a four hundred year long journey and scars don't fade, but neither does hope.
And in the fight against systematic racism and inequalities, the readers is committing to amplifying black voices.
General Mills served the world by making food people love and inclusion.
It's one of our secret.
Ingredients at Craft Times.
Our purpose is to make life delicious, and we believe we can't achieve that. No one essential ingredients diversity.
Are you sure you don't mean sodium trifass? Meanwhile, while corporations forcefully pronounced their deeply held value of promoting diversity on network television, their commitment only lasted until the protests died down.
Time for the Morning Buzz.
Major tech giants including Google and Meta quietly slashing their diversity, equity and inclusion jobs this year and laying off workers in those departments. DEI related job postings in twenty twenty three declined forty four percent.
Ah.
I guess they only needed to use much less of that ingredient than they thought they made. It turns out the recipe Craft wanted called for just a dash of inclusion, just a sousson of diversity. Are very clearly conflicted between the high moral values that they think we want and the amorl values that serve their shareholders. So, if I may address corporate America quickly in this moment, stop we
don't need any of this. We don't need to know that your products are used by only the most diverse families walking down sidewalks or camping, or diverse families doing a ride or getting a loan or doing laundry, or a diverse I don't know what they are. This guy doesn't thing, he's got a skin condition, and no way is he dating r No way, no way, there is no way. Oh sure, we're supposed to believe how many beautiful multi racial ladies are dating ezema opie. Oh okay, okay,
very believable. I apologize. I apologize sincerely to that gentleman. And by the way, for those on the right who wish corporations would just ditch the woke performances and go back to good old fashioned patriotic values, that's all bullshit too. For God's sakes, Spaghettios told us not to forget Pearl Harbor. By the way, why is the Spaghettio so happy about Pearl Harbor? See remembering it or celebrating it? I wouldn't be surprised if Spaghettio's supported pearl Harbor attack. Technically, a
can of Spaghetio's is a sneak attack on your digestive system. Spaghettios, Scaghetios, the RBS of pasta. Why are we allowing ourselves to get worked up over whether giant multinational corporations are pro gay or have traditional American values? Because corporations have but one value, shareholder value. That's all they have. That Budweiser horse that wants to restore our American spirit is actually owned by a Belgian Brazilian beverage conglomerate that all American
Clydesdale's name is probably Jean Locobo scenario. Even the corporations you think are sincere, like Dove and their multi year commitments to body positivity, are owned by Unilever, also the owner of Axe body Spray, and they're decades long commitment to anything that ooves. There is nothing corporations do that is not in service of their bottom line. Even when you go to the checkout at the grocery store and the little card reader thing says, do you want to
round up to help feed some children? Well, the first thing I think is you're the one with all the food, why don't you round.
Some of that off?
And then they got the balls.
They got the balls to put out a press release talk about how much money they donated to stop world hunger. Than's my money, you tell those kids, that's my buddy. Let's stop pretending that a corporation can even be woke or unwoke, or patriotic or unpatriotic. Let's just let corporations live their truth as the profit seeking Patrick Bateman psychopaths they are, at the very least we might find on we life finally get some honesty from them as well.
Take a look, Hi, we're corporate America, not any specific one, all of them.
And over the years we've pledged our commitment to some important causes like gay rights, democracy, and something to do with black people.
But this month we're proud to celebrate our biggest commitment of all, no longer pretending that we give a shit about any of that. Part of our new honesty, we pledge no more mission statements or awareness campaigns or promises to increase diversity and management.
You think a year ago would be putting up two straight white people.
As spokesmen who got No.
We have hired two diverse actors to pretend they worked here.
What a time.
Time.
But from now on, we're just going to go back to doing what we are designed to do, making products as cheaply as we can and selling them to you at the highest price possible.
Yes, but we'll still be carbon neutral because it's important to get to net zero.
We never did that in the first place.
I don't even know what it means.
And here at Corporate America, love is love.
What do you mean you already told me? I just.
You start with one of the most dangerous criminal masterminds in American history, Hunter Biden. He's gotten away with being Joe Biden's son for years, but today he faced Delaware justice.
We begin with our.
Breaking news of federal jury finding Hunter Biden guilty on three felony gun charges. The President's son walking out of the courtroom earlier today, a convicted felon.
Wow. Wow, Frankly, I'm shocked.
We're actually enforcing gun laws in America.
Helujah.
What has been wild is watching how eager Republicans have been to hold a gun owner accountable. Of course, it's only because he's Joe Biden's But that's an opportunity. All we need is for Joe Biden to adopt every single person in America and we can finally have some responsible gun control in this country. Yes, let's move on to
some news out of the Supreme Court. Last weekend, an undercover activist stuck into a private reception and secretly recorded Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, and no surprise, it turns out that the guy who over ruled Roe v. Wade
is a bit of a religious nut. What was much more interesting is that this activist also recorded Alito's wife, Martha and Alito She's already been in the news for flying an upside down American flag at their house after Trump lost the twenty twenty election, and then for flying a far right appeal to Heaven flag at their beach house. And if you thought two flags with a lot of flags, this lady's just getting started.
You know what I want?
I want a Sacred Heart of Jesus' flag because I had to look across the lagoon at the Pride flag for the next month and he's like, oh, please, don't put up a flag.
I said, I won't do it because I'm deferring to you.
But when you were free of this nonsense.
I'm putting it up and I'm going to send them a message every day, maybe every week.
I'll be changing the flags.
Holy shit, this lady looks flags.
I mean, once Alito retires, that house is gonna look like a Spanish galleon. I mean, lady, the United Nations called, they said, tone it down with the flags, you know, But even Betsy Ross is like, Jesus was only doing this because we didn't have Netflix liking flags this much is ironically the ultimate red flag.
And yeah, let to think of io. I also love.
How she refers to her husband's job as nonsense. This man is one of the most consequential men in the country. But she's like, I can't wait until you're done with your little black robe bullshit so I can gets on what really matters semaphore. So Martha Ann got so mad after seeing a Pride flag that she's planning to put up a whole bunch of Jesus flags to combat it, because everyone knows Jesus is the ultimate symbol of your love.
And also if she runs out of flags, don't worry, She's thinking of more flags in her head, there'll be.
All I made a flag, give my head.
This is how I satisfy myself.
I made a flag.
It's white and it's yellow and orange flames around it, and in the middle is the.
Word Vigonia Virgonia in Italian names shamee.
Whoa first off? What a burd on?
Justice Toleno, Your wife is going around telling strangers that she has to think up new flags to satisfy herself. I gotta think up new flags because it's not like there's anybody else taking care of my needs. Somebody's got a pleasing by Ferguson.
Come on.
No, not to be a hater, but designing a special flag for yourself is literally a homework assignment.
My kindergartener just had.
He drew a butt farting on a stick figure man, who I'm pretty sure is supposed.
To be me.
I don't love it, but it still beats Burgonia. Look, I think there's a missed opportunity. Instead of getting mad at the pride flags, Martha Ann could use this opportunity to find unity.
You love flags, they love flags.
The people you really should be fighting are the lawn sign people. No motion, you can't see it. From up high. No way to tell the wind direction. I mean, those lawn sign people are animals and we all know it. Finally, let's talk about a local story with major implications. Here in New York City, we have the worst traffic out of any city in America? Did you know it took me two and a half hours to get to work this morning? I mean, granted, I stopped along the way to watch the Garfield.
Movie, but tuesdays am I right now? To solve this?
New York was set to become the first city in America to try congestion pricing, which is a toll on anyone who wants to drive into the busiest parts of Manhattan. That is until a few days ago, when Governor Hokel pulled the plug on the plan without warning, and while everyone assumed she was worried about Democrats losing votes in the upcoming election, Hochel has a different explanation.
Hochel says her experiences talking to people in Manhattan diners like this one near Grand Central made her realize New Yorkers just aren't ready for congestion pricing.
All I know is I.
Encourage you to go to the next diner with me. And I'll probably be there Monday morning, sit with me and watch the.
People come over and thank me.
That's all I need to know.
After literally five five years of debate, study, and preparation, Hokeel scrapped the whole plan because she talked to some people in a diner.
Who cares what people in a diner think. There's other Americans? What about the home cooks. Huh.
The guy who pops open a can of progress so soup, goes to put it in the microwave, says git, then just drinks it cold.
Huh, don't I. I mean they deserve a voice too. Look, it's true, congestion pricing won't.
Be popular with everyone, and it might cost you some votes in the suburbs. But from time to time, leaders are called upon to envision a better future, be bold the implementation and execution, and be undaunted by the opposition.
That's how you secure progress. Wait a second, I heard that somewhere before.
Anybody's sick and tired of gridlock in New York City. From time to time, leaders are called upon to envision a better future, be bold in the implementation and execution, and be undaunted by the opposition. That's how you secure progress.
Oh shit, Dathie Hogel has an evil twin who's good at governing?
Who knows?
For more, on.
Governor Hochel's decision to reverse congestion pricing, we turned to senior political analyst Michael Costa. Michael, Michael, Look, the governor was fully in support of this plan six months ago. How is she so weak willed that she would change her mind after a silly diner conversation?
Well, actually, Jordan, there's nothing silly about a diner conversation. Political experts like myself understand that any opinion has extra power when it's set over a plate of eggs and toast.
It's called the diner effect.
Okay, Now, for example, if I were to tell the governor to flip flop on congestion pricing, she'd say no.
But what if I said, hey.
Governor, you got to cancel that plan, because every working guy knows that when the screws gets stripped, you gotta hammer the nail yourself.
All right.
I don't think that means anything, Michael, but you know there's something in that that is very common sense.
You're right, canceled the plan?
Yeah, yeah, and you see what happened.
Then wait, oh shit, did I agree with you?
Yeah, you've fallen for the folksy ramblings of a man who doesn't know how to make his own toast.
Damn it, damn it, damn it. You're right.
Okay, you know what, I won't fall for that again. We can't afford to because the city has to figure out how to replace all the revenue that this plan was going to raise.
Well, I have an idea.
Yeah, well, well you know what I says. The whole thing could be soft leganty split.
All right, you just take away to immigrants and you say get.
Out of here boom.
But hey, you know what do I know?
I'm just a guy.
I eat six sausage in links for breakfast.
I'm oh, I didn't.
I didn't think there's an they got anything to do with immigrants. But there's something about the way you eat those sausages that makes me believe you.
Got you again, God damn it, it's all in the din. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, as long as I'm eating the number four special, people will think that I know what I'm talking about.
I mean that it is very very effective.
Now check this out.
Okay, if you got through a stack of thirty pancakes.
You don't even have to say real words. All right, Hey, let me tell you.
Something, all right, got mos?
Good, don I'm in the boat.
Oh congestion, So okay, I know, Like, look, Michael, Michael, don't you see the irony here that the actual working class people are taking the subway. They're the ones that are going to be hurt by this ormative fealty to suburban car driving voters.
I have no idea what you're saying right now.
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