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Yeah, Ben Carson. Yes. Now, Ben Causon isn't exactly a politician, and he himself says that he doesn't know much about politics, but he does have a plan for how to be a good president.
I think that the people who do the best are the ones who know how to utilize experts around them.
Well, that makes sense. You don't have to know everything if you can just surround yourself with experts. There's just one problem. The experts Ben Causon surrounds himself with think that he's an idiot.
Ben Carson under fire after reports he's failing on foreign policy. A New York Times article quotes one of his national security advisors as saying Carson can't get one iota of intelligent information about the Middle East and needed weekly briefings on foreign policy.
So quote, we can make him smart.
Well, that's just obvious. People, of course, Ben Carson's advisors can't make him smart. You can't change his brain. That's a job for a neurosurgeon. It's the same way 'baba always has a haircut. That's how it goes. Now, maybe you're surprise that the guy who thinks the pyramids or grain silos. Might not be that smart about foreign affairs. But let's not just take his advisors would for it. Let's judge for ourselves.
Carson was asked on Fox News who he'd call first if the Paris attacks happened on his watch.
He refused to answer three.
Times, who would you call first?
But who would you call first? Specifically? But can you tell us who you would call first? Sir?
On the international scene, it's.
Ghostbusters, Come on. Everybody knows the right answer to that question. You could go to any African country and ask.
A little kid, who are you gonna call?
He'd be like cost musts and unisef. I'm hungry. So he has no plan for war. The question is does Corson have a plan for peace?
Doctor Ben Carson said, I don't have any problem with the Palestinians having a state, But does it need to be within the confines of Israeli territory? Is that necessary?
Or can you sort of slip that area down into Egypt?
Hello?
Can't you just slip it into Egypt?
Like?
Who has Ben Casson?
He thinks Egyptians won't notice him just walking in with Palestine's This is insane At this rate, I wouldn't be shocked to find out Ben Carson thinks the Gaza Strip is a titty bar in Vegas. Now, now, the advisor who's calling Ben Carson stupid is no joke. He's a man named Dwayne Carriage with sixty years of foreign policy experience, including a particularly shady stunt at the CIA, and now he runs a private intelligence agency.
It's so shadowy it is literally called the Eclipse Group. Yeah, it's the number one listing in the Yellow Pages for shady business, right above Skullduggery Systems Limited and Casual Whistle with Hands and Pockets LLC. So, according to the New York Times, this guy has been advising Ben Carson on the debates and now he's talking trash about Casson. Wow, I hope he's wearing a belt buckle, because here come the knives.
Well, this is your own advisor, mister Clarridge, saying that, in his words, you need weekly briefings, in his words, quote to make you smart.
One of your other He's.
Not my advisor.
He is not my advisor. Oh well that explains everything. This guy is not his advisor. Question answered, So what is he?
Then?
He is a person who has come in on a couple of our sessions to offer his opinions about what was going on. So an advisor, you know, this guy isn't my drug dealer. He's just a man who comes to my apartment and shares he's cocaine after I pay him. Don't think of myself as a surgeon, just a guy people pay to stab their brain until they're healthy.
And the crazy thing is.
The Coston campaign didn't just distance themselves from Carriage, they did it in a pretty dickish way.
The Carson campaign says of Clerage, he is coming to the end of a long career of serving our country. He is clearly not one of doctor Carson's top advisors. For The New York Times to take advantage of an elderly gentleman and use him as their foil in this story is an affront to good journalistic practices.
I love how they do they use the New York Times. Why would you say that about the senile old man New York Times. These guys are heartless and to be honest, I don't understand and how it got to this. But for more on this, we go to senior political analyst Jessica Williams, everybody, jess After a two year relationship, not only is Coston acting like he doesn't know clarage, he's also calling him a senile old man.
Well it's not so complicated, Trevor. This is what happens in a breakup. We've all been there. You meet somebody, you hit it off, you start getting really close, and then one of you says, hey, maybe I could be in your cabinet one day, and the next thing you know, you're picking out countries to invade together.
Well that makes a lot of sense, Jessica, But then why are they airing out all their dirty laundry and pubbins.
Oh yeah, all it takes is one fight, and then he starts telling everyone that you don't know anything about the world and that you're helpless without him, And you're like, oh yeah, really, well, you never meant anything to me anyway, and technically we weren't even together.
So, jess are we still talking about Ben Causon?
Is Ben Carson? Look if Daryl, Look, if Daryl wanted to be an item, he should have just said so with had to just stream me along with the journa on Late Night Booty blasting and now he's on Facebook talking about how great it is to be single, and now for the first time he really feels so free. And it's like, really, Daryl, really you feel free right now? You're just gonna DM my best friend three days after we break up, even after we did that stupid hiking
the Catskills together. Dude, I did a three mile hike with Darryl. Three miles. I had granola for lunch, and that's not even a lunch. You know what, why don't you take a handful of that granola and then just shove it up your ass? Bro? Thank you, thank you everyone, thank you Bye.
We were saying before the break Democrats got their asses handed to him last night. I believe we referred to it as school. But even worse, sure that is trademarked by the way. Even worse for the Democrats was the demographic breakdown of the ass handers.
Iowa has elected its first statewide woman.
It's a Republican, Jonie Ernst.
West Virginia has its first female US Center.
We had too openly gay candidates running as Republicans for Congress.
Tim Scott of South Carolina is the first black senator elected from the South since reconstruction.
In Utah, Mia Love becomes the first African American woman Republican to serve in the House.
An African American woman, Utah Republican. Those words are so odd together. Try typing it into your phone. It auto corrects that to Afrodite can watch you Reba McIntyre.
It won't even do it if you try and type that in Siri just.
Jumps in without being prompted and says, I think you're looking for a hospital because it sounds like you're hallucinating. And not only did Republicans have diversity, they had youth. Republican Tom Cotton defeating Democratic incumbent Mark Pryor.
He will be the youngest Senator at the age of thirty seven.
New York's Elast Stafanic at thirty, becoming the youngest woman ever elected to Congress.
The Democratic Party's leadership is going to look old in stale in comparison to where the Republicans are.
Oh please, old and stale.
Come on, they're not. Oh my god, someone put the bandages back on those mummies.
Oh my god.
They're right if they want to compete with these new young Republicans. Harry Reid's gonna have to get a couple of sleeve tattoos in a vest from uniklos stat. Listen, that's that's That's not a mock up. That's Harry Reid.
And his band.
Because Republicans were running in all ages and colors, and Democrats just could not keep up. The Lieutenant governor of Illinois is a Latina. She was running against a Democrat who was just another white guy. And by the way, that was definitely her opponent's mistake to make that his campaign slogan.
For more.
We're joined by our senior demographer, Jessica Williams. Jessica things so much Ado. This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable, Jessica, you would agree. Last night Rehogan's gained at least seven sentences. They fielded some pretty diverse candidates.
John. Republicans didn't just take democrats seats, they sold their essence. The GOP went from a Brooks Brothers catalog to a United Colors of Benetton ad. It's not fair. I mean, how would Republicans feel if Democrats started denying climate change or decided that life begins at impure thoughts?
No I can understand that they would be angry, they would be confused, they would maybe be hurt exactly.
But sorry, Democrats, because Utah just selected a young black congresswoman conservative Arkansas past the minimum wage increase. What the kind of bizarro world is this? John? I mean, pretty soon the Republicans are going to be rocking those MSNBC ner goggles.
John.
They are single white, femaling the Democrats.
So what do they do?
What do they do when when this happens? The Democratic Party has always been about the identic identity politics really of the underrepresented. If Republicans take that, what do the Democrats have left?
They need to dig deeper, get the minorities within the minorities, pan sexual, whole food shoppers, which redlocks, You're Korean, left being Flora. So you know what, maybe politics isn't the Democrats thing anymore. They're great at social media and raising money, So why not become a tech startup and develop an app like air dnc it. Lets you say it, Lets you say the Democrats Washington home that's now vacant since they lost their jobs.
Boom boom is right, it hurts hurt. The truth arts essay, and I'm glad that you delivered that and dropped what appeared to be a mic from your hand as always boom. Let me let me say this.
Huh.
Maybe demo crimes need more people like yourself to motivate the base, to get the blood pumping there.
Oh yeah, I would do it, but I'm a Republican now what hey yeah.
Wait a minute, yeah, you support Republican policy.
Now well no, but I do support me winning an oscar playing the first black woman president in road to the Ovary office. The mea love story.
That's so, this is it.
It's over.
It's over over.
The Republicans are the party of minorities.
Now, well, you know what, no, uh, It's like when there's like this accountant guy at your office who like keeps asking you out even though you know you have nothing in common. But then like one night you see him an exclusive party at the moment and he's with some cute alt girl with like pink hair, and you're like, hey, you know what, maybe I could date this guy, you know what I mean? And then you like talk to him again on Monday and you're like, oh, no, I
was right. This guy sucks. It's just like that, you know.
So so twenty sixteen, Democrats have a better shot it dating.
Yeah, I mean no, I mean well maybe I don't know, John, I'm twenty five. Love is complicated, all right, Thank you, Jessica Williams.
Everybody will be right back.
It really is.
As you may have heard, Tonight's is a bittersweet moments at the Daily Show, our beloved correspondence, Jessica Williams is leaving us to go create her own new show on Comedy Central. Fortunately, we do have one final report from jess on a group of Donald Trump supporters who may surprise you.
After an impassionate Democratic primary between the Curb your Enthusiasm guy and the Mother of Dragons, the voting is finally over, and with Hillary Clinton as their nominee, the Democratic Party has united without controversy. Okay, y'all, I'm with you. I won't vote for Hillary. I can't vote for her.
We're not just automatically gonna vote for the demon, because you're saying the devil may be there.
Demons and devils, how can it get any worse?
I think there's one call to show one fit that Bernie Sanders supporters would actually vote for Donald Trump.
Oh yep, that's worse. So I gathered a bunch of actual loyal Bernie Sanders supporters together to see if this could possibly be true. Probably, I will be looking at Trump.
I'm gonna have to go with Trump.
Trump why he has diarrhea of the mouth.
But a lot of things that he says are things that a lot of people.
May think, you mean, like racist things, racist things. I would say, yeah, Okay, he is a bigot and the racist. However, you don't have to continue with However, where are you gonna go with them? No, I'm about to go there. Hillary has been a scam artist all her life, and I hope the FBI comes and indicts her.
Hmm.
I was starting to suspect that this wasn't about Trump all. Hillary will bring us to Warrior within ninety days of her inauguration.
Okay, Hillary Clinton is just a stack of garbage.
She's a stack of garbage. She's more like a leperqawn to me. You said she's a leprechaun. What is a leprechaun ever done to you to disgust me? Okay? Hold up? So they think Hillary is this and want me go, but they want to vote for this.
Berney money I want more money.
I want I don't even know why. I don't get it. How do you go from a left wing progressive like Bernie to a man who worships money only slightly less than he worships himself. Maybe I'm missing something. Can you name one thing that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders have in common? Bernie and Donald do not have a superpack. Actually, Donald Trump does have super pac like four. Bernie and Trump both don't have hair. Wow, okay, I'm anything else. They're both old, anything else. They both want to be
a president and that's all it takes him. Can't they see that it's Bernie and Hillary that have similar policy The views are totally opposite. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders views are totally opposite. Right, What about Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump's views? Okay, okay, what are they totally opposite? Hell? Yeah, this is not a robot short circuiting. These are real people who are going to vote. Okay. To show them just how opposite Bernie and Trump are, I'm gonna play
a fun game called who yelled at best? Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders? First one. When Mexico sends its people, they're bringing crime they're rapists, and some I assume are good people. Trump. The goal of real healthcare reform must be high quality, universal coverage in a cost effective way. I would end Obamacare and replace it with something terrific. Trump well gave it away.
Third grade level wording.
Okay, okay, you will never learn what I am thinking. That's Trump. Actually, no, that's Hitler. Sounds a little like Trump, doesn't it trick question? Mm hmm? I got you like a leprechat. Wow, except for the Hitler thing, because they're really really well you know why. They are literally the opposite people.
It's not going to Donald Trump, it's going away from Hillary Clinton.
Okay, maybe an analogy will help. Last weekend, I wanted to go to this new restaurant, but my friends wanted to go to this old restaurant, and I got out voted. So instead of eating with them at this old restaurant, I went to an alley and I sat down and ate a pile of dogs. At least I know was doodoo. That plan backfired. Do these people just love doodoo? I have to get to the bottom of this. Y'all. Would
rather have a one turn than a maybe secret turn? Yes? Yes, but what if that, maybe Dookie turns out to just be okay and a little less progressive than Bernie Sanders. And I guess we'll have to chew on that. Well, I guess we'll just have to chew on that doochie. Maybe there isn't a way to convince these six Bernie the Trump voters to change their minds. Luckily there is one Bernie supporter who has his priorities in order.
Are you going to vote for Hillary Clinton in November?
Yes?
Oh? Snap, go on, so there's zero chance you vote for Donald?
Oh god please, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that Donald Trump is defeated.
Maybe Bernie supporters should just listen to the guy that they're supporting.
J Willie out, Jessica Williams, everybody Willie. Ah, what an exciting and yet sad moment at the same time. Yep, we tried, we tried to put together all of your greatest moments, but the truth, there's no one show can do them justice. You are the coolest, most awesome person. This building is going to suffer for a severe lack of uh J willingness without you.
I got a lot of Willie Stele.
And and so to say goodbye to you. We tried to put together just a tiny bit of what makes you as amazing as you are, so please enjoy.
Hey, guys, it's TV's Chess Williams Ladies signal ladies. Okay, okay, okay, See that's racist race yourself. You might want to sit down for this, But Beyonce is black.
Why would we need a tractor dancer on this phone?
Because it's fun crop the locket? Try this is that pioneer choking that Native American do to death? Or do I have something crazy in my Look at me? I'm oh, look at souss. I do tech Nay, what the fuck is going on? I just want to live in a world where I can write a freaking real verboard. You want to kick out a church that is very homophobic and put in young LGBT youth, It'd be a perfect place for our young people to live.
Whoa Jessica Williams.
Everybody, Wow, Jessica, I think I speak for everyone on the show, especially your fellow correspondence.
WHOA chill out African?
Oh wo?
So all the correspondence, everybody, we can speak for ourselves.
I'll go first because I'm the white guy. Jess it has been an honor working with you. When I came in, I was so impressed by how young and talented you were. It almost made me angry. And now as you leave, I'm honored to say that I am still pissed.
You've covered so many important stories about black women and gay rights and pastors.
Who think that they're seamen and Starbucks coffee.
Right.
But before you go, jess there's one big reason we're all here today. Can I get your off?
Guy?
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
It was so beautiful and you spoil You should be ashamed of yourselves. I'm getting Jessica's office, rol Son, I'm gonna put the tanning bed. No, Jessica, we uh wow. We cannot say goodbye to you enough. It is not goodbye, it is farewell. You're going to be close by. Hopefully this show is going to be amazing, and you're always welcome, Jessica Williams.
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