In My Opinion: Leslie Jones & Charlamagne Tha God - podcast episode cover

In My Opinion: Leslie Jones & Charlamagne Tha God

Apr 29, 202417 min
--:--
--:--
Listen in podcast apps:

Episode description

Leslie Jones advises Americans to not elect Donald Trump and Charlamagne Tha God confronts the villainization of DEI. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Speaker 1

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 2

Yea, The Daily Show is taking a break this week, but don't worry. We have some specially selected episodes from the archives just for you. The Daily Show will be back with brand new episodes next week.

Speaker 1

In the meantime, enjoy today's episode.

Speaker 3

Studies show that other people also have opinions, so here with another installment of In my opinion is our good friend Leslie Joey.

Speaker 4

That's right, your favorite Auntie is back to straighten out America because America needs me.

Speaker 1

Lawd, have mercy.

Speaker 4

The election is now less than eight months away, and guess what. America is on the path to doing something really really stupid.

Speaker 5

The new Fox News polls finding former President Trump leading President Biden by five points nationally and it had to head matchup.

Speaker 6

This is his biggest lead yet against Joe Biden just over half of those voters, so that they are worse.

Speaker 1

Off today than compared to twenty twenty.

Speaker 7

A new CBS News poll shows forty six percent of registered voters remember the Trump error presidency as excellent or good, compared to President Biden's thirty three percent.

Speaker 1

If the election were held today. Even Democrats I know think that Trump would win. What is wrong with us?

Speaker 4

This is like a movie where you see the disaster coming from a mile away and nobody is stopping it. Every time I turn on the news, I'm shouting at the screen like it's a horror movie.

Speaker 1

Don't go in there, America.

Speaker 4

Let the faces in the America. I mean, are we gonna really bring back a man who tried to overthrow the government. This is like asking Jeffrey Epstein to watch your kids, or a pedophile priest to watch your kids, or that sixth who used to work at Nickelodeon to watch your kids. Hey, how about we do this? Don't let anybody watch your kid.

Speaker 1

And listen.

Speaker 4

I know some people don't care about January sixth, but let me remind you about something real quick. He was also a terrible in president. Do you really not remember? I know we don't have the attention spans anymore, but how can you forget the man who wanted to nuke a hurricane actually happened? And the thing that gets me the most is there are people who are saying we're worse off that we.

Speaker 1

Were in twenty twenty.

Speaker 8

In twenty twenty, we didn't even have some toilet paper we was wiping our asks with family photos, and listen, I know the pandemic wasn't Trump's fault, but Trump made it worse every chance he got. Don't you people remember the kind of advice he was giving us.

Speaker 5

President Trump suggested without facts that bleach injections might fight.

Speaker 9

COVID, And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute, And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside work or almost a cleaning.

Speaker 4

He told us to inject ourselves, that we turn to him for advice, and dude was like, care yourself.

Speaker 1

I could go on and on about why it would be a terrible idea to.

Speaker 4

Bring back Trump, but you know what, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that America is about to do something that we know is harmful to us, because that is what we always do.

Speaker 1

Look at how we treat our own bodies.

Speaker 4

We know we need to sleep eight hours a night, but we stay up all night scrolling onto our phone until it falls on our damn face. We know we should take care of our mental health, but we entertain ourselves by watching documentaries in serial killers. We know we should go to the doctor, but instead we get medical advice from the internet.

Speaker 1

Listen, listen. I'm guilty of it too.

Speaker 4

When I feel sick, I look up symptoms on WebMD. I know it's irresponsible, but I can't control myself, probably because I'm dying of scurvy.

Speaker 5

We we are constantly making decisions that.

Speaker 4

We know are bad for us. We know we should be eating healthy, but instead we eat like shit. We're out here eating double stuff oreos and triple decker sandwiches. We stack our food like a fjenga. You know what has only one layer?

Speaker 1

A goddamn carry Just look at the Lyns we go.

Speaker 4

Just look at the Lynx we go to for fast food.

Speaker 1

Look at it.

Speaker 7

Well.

Speaker 8

This week we learned the answer to the age old question how long would you wait in line just for an in and out burger?

Speaker 10

At the store's first location in Idaho, some patrons had to wait as long as eight hours. This week's opening featured customers even braving cold temperatures to camp out overnight just to be.

Speaker 1

The first in line.

Speaker 4

You disgusting, glutting this mother.

Speaker 1

Eight hours.

Speaker 4

I'm not a mathematician, but it's you're waiting eight hours for fast food.

Speaker 5

It ain't fast fool.

Speaker 11

I believe.

Speaker 4

Some of the stuff we eat shouldn't even be legal. In fact, in some countries it's not legal. Their shit that's been bad in Europe because it gives you cancer, and we're like, nah, we good because we don't care enough to make good decisions. It's even acceptable in America to binge drink as an adult. Listen, it's cute at twenty one, but baby at forty five, it's called alcoholism. And after eating like shit, we know we should be exercising, but instead we're doing shit like this and next.

Speaker 11

You've always wanted six pack abs but can't seem to get to the gym. Now there's a shortcut for that. Researchers at the University of Miami have developed a new plastic surgery technique called abdominal etching. It can reshape belly fat to make you look like you spent a lot of time at the gym. Tools and some foam it's a surgery, are used as sculpt abdominal fat to accentuate muscle lines, typically six for men and three vertical lines for women.

Speaker 4

Jesus wept, what is wrong with you people? You can't trick people into thinking that you got fake ads.

Speaker 1

That's why we got spinks.

Speaker 4

I can't believe that this is what we got our scientists working on.

Speaker 1

Forget about curing diseases. We gotta make Jordan's look like he doing sit ups.

Speaker 3

Uh uh.

Speaker 1

Maybe he was a different name for that joke. No, I think that's a good name. I think I think it makes a joke.

Speaker 3

Personally, Paul or Steve or that's great, But it's.

Speaker 1

Not just Jordan's.

Speaker 4

We all make wrong decisions, from food to exercise to mental health. Last, but not least most importantly, we know we shouldn't be dating DJs, But here I am swiping right on everything God with DJ and his bio. Now I'm on the third hour of listening to his new song and the bet still hasn't dropped.

Speaker 1

Drop the big DJ I ride. I gotta go get the sleep. So here's an idea, America. How about for at least this.

Speaker 4

Election, for this one thing, Let's not do the obviously stupid thing that we know we shouldn't do.

Speaker 1

And that means you're gonna have to put in some effort.

Speaker 4

It means getting involved in the political process.

Speaker 1

It means not sitting on your ass just because you're not in love with the choices.

Speaker 4

I know you like fast food, but this time, let's eat a carrot instead of voting for a guy who.

Speaker 1

Looks like a carry.

Speaker 12

You know, all this week I've been sharing my opinions on news, but I'm not the only one with opinions around here. So here with another installment of in my opinion is our good friend Charlemagne the God.

Speaker 6

Hey, y'all remember twenty twenty right, Yeah, COVID social distancing, murder hornets.

Speaker 1

Yeah, you'all forgot about murder hornets? Huh?

Speaker 6

Or maybe you remember our nationwide reckoning with racism. After the murder George Floyd, white people across America looked around and said.

Speaker 1

Wait a second, are we racist?

Speaker 6

So America took a good hard look at itself, and when big corporations sought themselves in the mirror, they said, oh shit, we're white as inequality in corporate America, there are only five black CEOs running Fortune five hundred companies.

Speaker 12

You can see six percent of top executives as black. In terms of the population of the United States, that should be thirteen percent.

Speaker 11

In the video, Nike said, don't pretend there's not a problem in America. Critics point out that all of Nike's executives are white.

Speaker 1

That's right.

Speaker 6

The board and Knike was so white. They were all wearing new balance. And to address this problem, businesses turned to a solution called diversity. Equity and inclusion are DEI. It means more fair hiring policies, new anti discrimination rules for the workplace, and sensitivity training seminars. And the first thing it led to was a shitload of ads.

Speaker 4

Real progress on diversity and inclusion doesn't happen without real work. Since celebrate Diversity into your X one voice remote to discover curated content.

Speaker 6

Today every day, General Mills serves the world by making food, people love and inclusion.

Speaker 1

It's one of our secret ingredients.

Speaker 12

The craft times all purposes to make life divisious, and we believe we can't achieve that.

Speaker 1

That one essential ingredients diversity.

Speaker 10

It's diversity that makes life delicious.

Speaker 7

We're on a four hundred dear long journey and scars don't fade, but neither does hope.

Speaker 1

After your doctor, black people are right for you. That's right.

Speaker 6

Nobody's buying basiline because of diversity. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever actually bought basoline.

Speaker 1

It's just there, like it comes with the house.

Speaker 5

Right.

Speaker 6

So that's how things stood in twenty twenty, But that was like fifteen years ago. Today, when people talk about DEI, it's more likely to sound like this.

Speaker 7

DEI is just a rebranded version of hating white people.

Speaker 8

DEI in this case stands for divisive, erroneous and insidious.

Speaker 7

DEI, which stands for didn't earn it, discrimination, exclusion and indoctrination.

Speaker 6

EIDI stands for doctor dre easy e in ICEQ. Yeah yeah, yeah, y'all cheering out there, but do you want with attitude coming to your office? These right wingers are crazy, right Jesus, But here's the part where you all stop applauding everything I say. The truth about DEI is that, although it's well intentioned, it's mostly garbage. Okay, it's kind of like the Black Little Mermaid. Just because racist hate it doesn't

mean it's good. And you know I'm right because every one of you has sat through one of those diversity training sessions and thought this is bullshit, and it's not just you. Over nine hundred studies have shown that DEI programs don't make the workplace better for minorities. In fact, it can actually make things worse because of the backlash effect. Remember Dare from school, y'all remember Dare? Yeah, she said whoa DEI training is like dam for racism, And you

all know how effective that was. I was sitting there going, oh shit, there's a ton of fun drugs I should try.

Speaker 1

I didn't even know about Moley. Thanks Officer John.

Speaker 6

But the biggest failure of DEI is that the number of black people in power at big companies is basically the same as it was five years ago. In fact, maybe the only thing that DEI has accomplished is giving racist white people cover to be openly racist.

Speaker 3

D I breeds complacency, Dana and complacency kills.

Speaker 7

We're gonna have doctors who don't know how to perform heart surgery, and we're gonna have planes that are falling out of the sky.

Speaker 1

Boeing recently bragg not about being.

Speaker 11

The best in the business, but about surpassing its diversity quotas.

Speaker 1

Oh goody, but then not so good.

Speaker 4

A door flying off one of Boeing seven thirty seven supermaxes.

Speaker 3

I'm sorry if I see a black pilot I'm gonna be like, boy, I hope he's qualified.

Speaker 6

I mean, honestly, when I see a black pilot, I'm not worried that we're going to crash. I'm worried that we're gonna get pulled over. That's right, and no officer, I will not step out of this vehicle, all right. But yeah, they're blaming the EI for everything, even that bridge in Baltimore.

Speaker 1

They called Baltimore's.

Speaker 6

Mayor the DEI mayor, like he was given the job for being black.

Speaker 1

Then they said the.

Speaker 6

Shipping company was too focused on DEI instead of safety.

Speaker 1

But almost the entire leadership with the company is white, no black people. Right. If anything, the Baltimore mayor, he should have been the one to make it racist. Just come out like.

Speaker 6

These tracks knocked down my bridge, Okay, all right, and one of y'all crackers better pay for it, okay. And honestly, I'm not surprised these programs didn't work.

Speaker 1

And here's why.

Speaker 6

It's just corporate pr They want good vibes and also they want to cover their ass. Okay, did you know that if a company gets sued for civil rights violations, just having a DEI program will be counted as evidence in their favor even if the program doesn't do shit. Okay, it's the I have a black friend of the legal system, all right. We don't need corporate DEI. Yes, we want diversity and equity and inclusion, but we don't want it

from Vasoline. Although I'm not going to Frontvasoline has been there for the black community.

Speaker 1

Respect. Okay, that's right, that's right. I'm moisturized. Okay.

Speaker 6

Look, man, real DEI is only going to come from black leadership. I don't know how to do it because I'm not a black leader, but I do know how to tell if it's working. Just keep an eye on right wing media. The more they're freaking out, the more progress we're making.

Speaker 2

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get you podcasts.

Speaker 1

Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven.

Speaker 2

Tenth Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus.

Speaker 1

This has been a Comedy Central podcast

Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file