ICYMI: Jon Stewart on MAGA's Cancel Culture | Trump Avoids Trial Testimony

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Got a great job for you tonight. There is so much going on in the world right now. The President of Iran died in a help goopnacrast, the International Criminal Court is moving towards arrest warrants for Bibi Netanyahu, and Michael Cohen admitted on the stand today he stole money from the Trump organization. Only in a Donald Trump trial with the star witness be the one who ends up going to jail.

How lucky is Donald Trump?

Donald Trump is like a corruption mister Magoo. He's just stumbling around quid pro quohen metal beams falling all around him, gets out completely unscathed. But forget about all that, because there is one story still with so many unanswered questions. It made its way all the way to the White House Press Corps.

Can we still assume that the Kansas City chiefs will be visiting the White House this year in celebration of their support old victory?

You confirm is.

The Chief's kicker, Harrison Bucker, Welcome out of this White House?

Butker Apparently the Kansas City Chiefs Field Gold Kicker gave a conservative Catholic commencement speech at a conservative Catholic college seems expected, although we did have a shout out to the ladies.

Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. Haha.

All right, apparently enjoy the pta, bitches, not the advice you want to hear when you're one hundred thousand dollars in debt earning a degree in electrical engineering. But I imagine that the cancelation of.

One Harrison Butker was swift and unforgiving.

At the White House, what I can say is we invite the entire team, and we do that always.

I don't have anything beyond that.

Aha, you wok ARATEI at the Communist Wait, well, I'm sorry, what was that?

What did you do?

He can still go to the White House and be on his football team, and all that's really happened is some people roasted.

Him on TikTok.

So I guess this is just kind of a passing distraction, or if you happened to tune into more conservative media.

Major scandal rocking the NFL players in big trouble not for doing drugs, betting or beating women, but because he's Christian.

The left seeks to destroy an outspoken NFL Catholic.

He's been docks, he's been slammed, he's still calling for him to be canceled.

Left hate it's Christian values, and.

They will try to denigrate you, isolate you, cancel you, and ultimately silence you completely.

But be not afraid.

How can I be not afraid when what you have proffered is so afraidable, by the way, and you're hitting us with that King James sentence structure.

Be not afraid.

People only say that when there's shit to be afraid of.

Let's say three to four horsemen.

But my question to the right, I guess is have you never been on the internet before? Because that's all it is. It's just people giving each other shit all the time. I mean, my god, you're all so thin skinned. Look, Jerry Seinfeld took more shit over the past two weeks promoting a pop tar movie that Harrison Butker did for his entire speech, And I ask you people, what is the deal with that?

Now? I'm not doing an impression.

I I legitimately would like to know why he's taking so much shit about everything from everybody, and who are these people?

It's so hard not to do the voice?

And who uh these people? Now?

It's that.

It's the Jerry Seinfeld impression is the first thing a Jew learns in kindergarten.

It's not.

Of course, nothing about the right wing reaction is surprising, because the idea that there is an all pervasive, all powerful threat to free speech called cancel culture has become a central tenet of modern conservatism. They celebrate their being silenced at conferences, They celebrate their being silenced on podcasts and streaming outlets. They celebrate their being silenced with over seven hundred book titles about being canceled.

Why are there so many off these books?

Unless you don't know nobody reads anymore. And by the way, if you already read a war on woke and woke inc, you're really not going to learn anything from woke warriors. Conservatives have an entire industry devoted to complaining about not being allowed to say the things they say all the time. Their victimhood is the entire brand.

You can no longer say somebody is homeless. You have to say they are unhoused. Free phones, food and clothing sounds like a great deal.

A homeless woman in a Democrat run city appreciated.

We won't be allowed to say illegal aliens because it'll be hate speech and therefore illegal.

Illegal aliens streaming across our border.

Transagenda's are religion now convert or be canceled. Big Trans is a real knack for making everything about themselves.

Dare to speak your mind about issues like pro life, Well your life could be ruined forever. You could be canceled. I'm never going to apologize for being pro life.

How did we get to the point where we can say all lives matter? As a matter of fact, all lives matter.

All of you still speak? How doesn't the woke mob have cable? But this is their identity now, constant victimization. They say what they want and if you get upset about it, you don't believe in freedom.

I just believe in freedom.

Why are liberals so afraid of freedom and freedom of I don't get outraged if you don't like with somebody saying, Oh, you can turn off the TV, turn off a radio dial, turn off a podcast, walk out of a commencement, or.

You could buy a different beer than bud light without going into your back swamp and assassinating six times.

We're so unbelievable, They're so full of shit that Sean Hannity can say with a square head, I'm not the kind of guy who gets outraged, Sean Hannity, He's basically just a meat bag support system for a forehead vein.

Tonight, every American has a right to be angry and ticked off. We have a story that will make your blood boil.

Now.

The left is hell bent on banning doctor Seuss, pepe Lepew Dumbo, Peter Panner on the chopping blocks, deemonious, self righteous, frankly overpaid, lazy, agenda driven liars from a pompous jackass.

Do you even know what my job is?

What part of this k you get through your thick head? My message tonight to these snowflakes is very simple. You people discussed me.

But every snowflake is different. We can't all discuss you.

Look, it is absolutely true that in our modern social media driven society, our interactions are incentivized and monetized for outrage, and it is feeling exhausting for everyone. But contrary to your conservative book industry, the outrage isn't just coming from the left, It's coming from the left, the right, for the right, for the left, and the swifties. And why a readers and anybody who dare to lift their head up to say fighting anything.

We are not censored or silenced.

We are surrounded by an inundated with more speech than has ever existed in the history of communication. And it is all weaponized by professional outrage hunters of all stripes, scouring the globe for graduation speech snippets, off hand comments during promotional tours, out of context comedy bits, lay marketing ideas, or any words and phrases they believe they can latch onto to generate monetized clicks. Outrage is the engine of

But but.

I leaned over so far I may never get back up again.

But contrary to conservatives victimization complex, there is no organized cancel culture, conspiracy or even the slightest misstep can one hundred percent get someone on the right canceled.

Actually there is, oh, there is one.

Congresswoman Liz Cheney gets kicked out of Wyoming's Republican Party for opposing Trump.

Yeah, as irony would have it, it turns out that when it comes to cancel culture, the ones who smelt it dealt it. There is someone canceling people on the right. But the only one canceling people on the right is Donald Trump, and anyone who dare speak out against him refused to buy into Trump's stolen election claims, and you'll lose your job like Liz Cheney or countless others.

In fact, everything the right says.

Cancel culture does to them is actually being done by maga.

For example, they.

Will shout you down and try to shut you down as opposed to discuss with you. Yes, the woke mob shouts you down.

And what happens when you're a Republican and dare criticize the boy king.

That is a failure of leadership.

And I you could boo all you want, but here's the thing.

Donald Trump is running to stay out of prison. And if we elect I know, I know, I know, you know me as.

A person who says what he thinks that I don't have the fact that I wasn't a fan of.

Our last president's character issues and I'm all of a sudden.

Show some bad respect. Romney, You piece of shit, mother. It's called Claire's look. I was telling you mother the last night.

Dickory Dormain, Your mom was fucking a moment.

Oh you like him?

What's what's another heir? And I write the Power Trip?

By the way, what's another thing that the right hates about?

Woke cancel culture?

Many Americans feel forced to stay silent for fear of upsetting the cancel culture mob.

Yes, under cancel culture, you can only speak your truths in private, well denying them in public. For instance, this poor young fella who privately wrote of Trump, He's a demonic.

Force, a destroyer.

I hate him passionately, he wrote in private, but of course in public, fearing the cancel mob, he's forced to stand next to his tormentor with what can only be described as the fakest of overlap faces.

Grab a b.

But that's cancel culture. It won't let you speak the truth. In fact, it makes you do something even worse.

The left is married to censorship and has nothing else. That's how you get people to believe in an alternate reality.

Yeah, the woke mob is so permicious. It forces you to deny reality. Like imagine if Trump ever gave a speech about January sixth, where he clearly confuses Nicky Haley with Nancy Pelosi.

Nicki Haley, you know they did, you know they destroyed all of the information, all of the evidence, everything because of lots of things, Like Nicki Haley is in judge of security. We offered her ten thousand people.

Now, in a healthy discourse, you would just go, hey, man, you know everybody brain farts sometimes, you know, whatever it is. But under the Maga cancel culture, mob people like Congresswoman Staphanic have to pretend this was all part of a grand strategy.

That isn't a mix up. The reality is Nicki j doesn't speak.

Nicky Haley is relying on mccrats just like Nancy Pelosi to try to have a desperate showing in New Hampshire.

But he was talking about January seven. Strump has not lost his step.

He is a stronger candidate, stronger than he is today than he was in twenty sixteen and he was in twenty twenty.

He is reverse aging, he is stronger. He is Benjamin Batan. He will be our wisest baby president. And by the way, denying reality still won't save you. There is no level of loyalty deep enough to be free of Trump cancel culture. Rona McDaniel literally dropped Romney from her name to keep Trump happy, and he still fired her. And that Romney name had gotten her into all the hottest clubs in Salt Lake City, Yeah, the ones with lattes. Truth is

Big news today, the Trump trial is coming to an end, and just like Stormy Daniel said, it was over much more quickly than expected. And we've heard from so many people during this trial. This blonde blob, this other blob, this one blob with the mustache. You know, it's just too bad. No one's invented cameras yet. But we haven't heard from the biggest blob of them all, Donald Trump, who has been going around telling anybody who will listen that he is just itching to testify under oath.

I would have no problem testified. I didn't do anything wrong with you.

I'm testifying.

I tell the truth.

I mean, all I can do is tell the truth. Do you plan to testify in court? Probably so, I would like to.

I mean I think so, will you testify in your own defense? Oh?

Yes, absolutely stand that I would do that. I look forward to it. Yes, right at the buzzer, Yes, but yes. Donald Trump has been saying for months how much he wants to testify. He's like, let's do it. Swear me in on that shiny book that Mike Pence is always blah blah lying about. And after four weeks of trial, today it was finally time for Trump to tell his side of the story. So here we go, a big guy, It's the opportunity you've been waiting for.

The defense has rested, testimony has wrapped, and Donald Trump notably did not take the stand.

What what what?

What? After talking is such a big game, he's not testifying. So he's doing the opposite of what he told us he was gonna do over and over again. That's not the Donald Trump. I know, and I played. I played full contact hockey without a helmet this morning. But it's just so peculiar that outside the courtroom with his legal pads of notes, he just talks and talks and talks.

Rudy Giuliani was served with an indictment over the Arizona twenty twenty fake electors scheme during his eightieth birthday party late Friday. Giuliani was served two hours after boasting on social media that he would invade charges.

Goddamn, I mean served in his own birthday party. Can you imagine?

You know?

Hey, can someone take a picture of me taunting the Arizona court?

Hey?

How about you man in a suit and a badge at my birthday party that I've never seen before? And this indictment is on top of a one hundred and fifty million dollar defamation judgment against him. Rudy need Cashi, all right, but luckily he's got a side hustle.

Today.

I'm thrilled to introduce you to something I'm incredible proud of my own brand of organic specialty coffee, Rudy Coffee.

Believe me when I.

Say it's the best coffee.

You love a truck.

It's smooth, rich, chocolately and gentle on your stomach.

Wow, gentle on my stomach and chocolately.

I mean.

I'll have mine with Malk and Schlager. Also cool apartment, dude, I mean your kitchen says serial killer, but the rest of your apartment says still serial killer. And look, I'm glad there's finally a coffee commercial that's somehow creepier than the Folger's one where the brother and sister clearly want to bone each other. I just can't believe he's calling it Rudy's coffee and not ground zero. Let me keep going.

Oh?

Gross, No, not like that. Forget it, Take that away, take that away, take that with it. Never mind, never mind, never mind.

Right, Let's.

Let's move on to a story out of Australia. Australia the country named after the two thousand and eight Hugh Jackman film Australia. It's where one billionaire is learning that money can't buy you respect.

An Australian billionaire is apparently not too happy with the portrait of herself that's on public display.

That is Australia's richest woman and Gina Ryan Hartch. He is one of twenty one people featured in the Australia in Color exhibit that's been on display since March at the National Gallery of Australia. It's reporter Ryan Harder's demanding at the gallery remove the portrait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, remove the portrait. What's the matter? You don't want people to know you testified at Donald Trump's trial. But anyway, what's the big deal with having an unflattering painting of you? You don't see any of Picasso's models complaining that their eye is on their forehead Suck it up, lady, you even if you don't like it, don't whine about it. Whining is what the rest of us do. Whining is free. You have money, just pay

This morning, in AI, warning from Hollywood actress Scarlett Johansson saying This voice used by open AI's virtual assistant Sky. Hello, I'm really excited about teaming up with you. Sounds quote eerily similar to her own. Hi, how are you doing. The actress famously played an artificial intelligence system in the movie Her In twenty thirteen, Johansson says open Ai CEO Sam Altman wanted to hire her to voice Sky, but

This is not acceptable. Open ai should be punished for attempting to steal Scarlett Johansson's voice. In fact, from now on, they should have to use an off putting voice like my uncle Dan, who's been smoking his whole life. You know you don't want to go to that restaurant. That neighborhood's gotten red diverse, if you know what I mean. I miss Vietnam all right. For more on the Scarlet Johanson controversy, we go live to San Francisco, home of

Because he's a nerd and nerds have too much power. Now, Okay, look at Mount Zuckerberg, bezels elon Musk.

You can't trust these nerds.

Okay.

I don't think that's an appropriate term. What o nerds? Because what else do you call a.

Bunch of weirdos who spend all day on computers.

And don't actor on women. I mean, I call them socially awkward, shy, introverteds.

Nerds.

The nerds, the nerds, okay, and nerds used to know the place, Okay, they knew the rules. Don't not weird, don't mean icon, don't bring up stop trek, just keep your head down and get a job at NASA, hosting a show on MSNBC. Okay, And it worked. Nature was in balance. But at some point we decided bullying was mean because nerds had feelings, and then we start treating them with respect.

And that was a mistake, all right, running doesn't everyone deserve respect?

I sort of got Michael, It's not like a nerd right now. Okay, don't you understand. We gave them to us power, and look what happened. They took our financial system and now it's full of crypto. We let them build a tech industry and now all mentally ill from social media. We even shaped our pulp culture to cater to them, and we got twenty years of nothing but shitty superhero movies except for the Asian ones.

Those are great. Okay, Okay, all right, all right, all right, holy shit? All right, all right, so you're right, So then what do we do?

The only solution is to make up for lost time? Okay, we have to find Sam Autman and give him twenty years wolf of bullying.

All at once.

I'm talking two decades wolf of weggies and one wedgie.

Okay.

I want that underwear to go around his head and then again, over and over and over until he's ask can smell his face.

Okay, all right, but what type of fabric would have the tensile strength to support the recrusive force required to I don't know what I look like a nerd?

Get that.

Get that science shit out of here. So let me be clear. So you're advocating bullying.

No, I'm advocating balance.

Okay.

Our ecosystem requires a proper mix of nerds and bullying, and it's out of whack right now, okay, And I'm willing to be the hero that will get things back on track.

I don't know, Ronnie, I'm I don't know Ronnie. Is bullying ever? Really? The answer?

Just shut the fuck up, Okay, don't put me in there and give me a lunch money.

Okay, I'm right, You're right, You're right, right, Ronnie Chaning, everybody sorry.

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