You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow from New York City, the only city in America. It's the shows and the intention news. It's the Daily Show with your host us in mid Huns. Thank you, welcome the Daily Show. I'm not the Mad High. This is the American dream. Baby. Look, I worked here for five years just so I could substitute teach for a week. Now, we got so much to talk about, so let's get right to the headlines. Now. Look, there's so many pressing issues in the world right now.
The war in Ukraine, a train derailment in Ohio, natural disasters in Turkey. But we can't talk about any of that because apparently the biggest story in the newspaper is on the comics page. Newspapers across the country are dropping the Dilbert comics strip after its creator, Scott Adams, went on a tirade this weekend, calling Black Americans a hate group and advising white people to stay away from them.
The Dilbert creator referencing a poll that indicated fifty three of black Americans agree with the statement it's okay to be white if you know nearly half of all blacks are not okay with white people. That's a hate group. The best advice I would give to white people is to get the hell away from black people. You just have to escape. So that's what I did. I went to a neighborhood where, you know, I have a very low black population. Oh my god. He just kept going.
He's like, black people are a hate group. White people should stay away from black people. I stay away from black people. And Kanye heard this and was like, whoa my brother. Base yourself. By the way, Scott Adams, why do you have a podcast? You have one of the most successful comic strips in the world, but you're podcasting at YouTube dot com. Backslash Real Coffee with Scott Adams, like, why, bro, you got rich off of doodles? Take the w be happy.
The guy who created that cool s thing from middle school wishes he could be you. Now. I'll be honest with you, guys. It's been a minute since we talked, and I've rubbed shoulders with the illuminati, and I've noticed one thing about a certain type of rich person. When they don't have problems of their own, they have to just make up problems just to make their lives interesting. Right, They're just like sitting at home and the jacuzzi, Like, what if I tweet about trans high school swimmers, I
can guarantee you JK. Rawling had zero opinions about trans people when she was on welfare. By the way, this is why I think we need a wealth tax. We need a wealth tax, not for infrastructure, schools, none of that Bernie shit. Rich people, This is for your own good. The wealth tax is actually a shut the up tax. Spend more time working, kissing your loved ones, getting groceries, you know, being a normal person, because normal people don't hate black people. We're all too busy hating that one
squeaky wheel on the shopping cart. But let's move on to one of the greatest debates of our time. No, I'm not talking about how much cocaine a bear can do. I'm talking about the COVID origin debate, which is heating up this week. And this just ends an updated classified intel report saying that the US Department of Energy has a sessed that the source of the COVID nineteen pandemic
likely came from a China lab leak. But there is one major caveat sources at the Department of Energy and tells and that the report has quote low confidence, low confidence. How can you conclude something with low confidence? That's not a conclusion. I think the word you're looking for is guess. By the way, conclusion with low confidence is such a boy move, Like you're dating someone and they go, babe, what are we and you're like, Sarah, I can tell
you for sure. I don't know how even though they had low confidence, the Department of Energy came out and said COVID was a lableek. And now every idiot I went to high school with is like, apologize to me right now, huston, I told you I was right. And if your hand is bigger than your face, you're gay. Now to everybody touchdown dancing about this, how long have you been rocking with the Department of Energy? Oh, you've been talking with them since day one. Hey, what's your
second favorite report from the Department of Energy? Now, personally I love their report on walking freezers and coolers. But hey, that's just me because I'm a real one. But here's the key detail everybody's forgetting while they got the Twitter fingers. The Energy Department is one of nine intelligence groups that have assessed COVID's origins. Two have said Lableek five say it came out of natural causes. In two say they don't know, and you know what, I personally side with them.
I don't know what is going on. FBI says this, and C says that I'm holding out until the DMV chimes in. All right, Now, here's the thing I'm wondering. Okay, why did this whole lab league versus wet market thing become the Yankees versus Red sox of the culture War in the first place? And to me, I think it's because when some people started saying it came from a lab other people were like, Hey, you can't say the Chinese are trying to poison everybody on planet Earth. That's racist.
You should say COVID came from a wet market where Chinese people eat weird animals. But that sounds way more racist. And I say this as a kid who had to eat weird ethnic food in the lunchroom every day. I'd pull out my kima roti and everybody else would be like, oh, what is that. All I wanted was lunchables, but my mom would never buy them. She'd be like, Hussan, are you crazy? You want lunchables? Those things are made in a lab and they'll kill you. And she said that
with high confidence. Now, for more on the lab league, we turned to my friend, colleague and mortal enemy, Ronnie Shang. Ronnie oh Man, thank you for joining us. Look, let's get right into it. Where did COVID come from? Tell us what the how? I know why you're asking me. By the way, I didn't do it. We could be talking about the debt ceiling on racist Dilberg. But of course you want to pigeonhole the Asian guy to do the COVID story. Yes, yes, yes, I'm going to pigeonhole you.
You want to know why, Ronnie, because when I was a correspondent, I was pigeonholed. My whole was pigeoned constantly. That's the disgusting. Yeah, it was. Anytime there was a subway bombing. They went to the Muslim guy. As if I'm on group chat with isis My most viral clip on this show was a photo of me wearing a hit job next to John Stewart, you understand. So, yeah, the Asian guy has to cover the Asian story, and it has to be funny, and it has to be
deemed commedially acceptable by vulture dot com. Go. Okay, first of all, Vulture, all right, And second of all, why don't you talk about it? You want to explain lecturing us about the world just might never having left America? Right, aren't you Asian? Two? You talk about it? Na, Na, you're setting yourself. Ronnie, you said it right here on this show that Indians were not real Asians. Why don't
you roll the tape? Indians are not Asians? Okay, Okay, A lot about Indians trying to have it both ways, like being Indian and Asian. Pick a lane, I brought receipts other okay, well, yeah, you keep your receipts or worth your fifty air Jordan's shoe boxes. All right? Yeah, I said you didn't have to roll the tape because I'll say it again right now, Indians are not Asians. And by the way, I'm more than just Asian, all right. I also live in Australia. So why don't you ask
me about kangaroos? Fine, Ronnie, tell us about kangaroos. All right, Well, I'm glad you asked. Well, there's red giant kangaroos and then there's gray ones, and the red ones can jump ten feet high and they have closet can rip your dick off through your jeans. No, we'll get the shit about kangaroos. Okay, stop talking like an angry snapple cap. You don't get decide what is on this show, Ronnie, I'm the boss. I decide, Ronnie. I mean when you
decide your guest host. Okay, the operative one is guest guest in my house. Okay. I'm not your token Asian guy. I'm in movies now. I was in Megan. Oh yeah, yeah, oh you were. You were in the movie Megan in theaters right now? Hey, what was your role Alan Meghan? I played a token Asian guy in the tech company. But it was sad tire. It was sad hire. That's weird because I could have sworn that I'm your boss right now, because it says my name on the desk.
It says The Daily Show with Hassan Minhaj, which, by the way, that's my real name, Ronnie Chang. I'm run each Ronnie Day. I'm Ronnie is also my real name, you idiot's on my birth certificate. Oh should I be like you and get a name that you refuse to spell phonetically and then when everyone mispronounces it. You try to ellen. Oh, oh it's spell Hassan and they called me Hassan. Yeah yeah, if I find Ronnie fine, Yeah, I expressed some emotion. I showed some vulnerability, unlike you,
I showed some other emotion besides anger. It's something you might not be familiar with. Oh no, no, no, I know you know all about anger. You love the job. What you can rage about evil corporations in America. But as soon as the NBA reaches at about the celebrity All Star game, you jump at the chang to called zero points. Zero points Ronnie. Stop it, come on, stop, stop stop this, stop stop it right now. We can't be fighting like this. There's white people here. How are
we going to stop Asian hate if we hate each other? Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just slashing out because I actually love The Daily Show and I'm scared you're gonna get canceled like your Netflix show. Whatever it was called, it's called Patriot. It doesn't matter, okay, because despite our difference, is You're right, we do have a bigger responsibility to the Asians and the Asians watching this because when we fight, the white people win. And we can't have that exactly.
We got to bring the segment home. So let's each say something nice about each other and show some emotional growth. What are you serious? I'm dead serious. All right, Hussan. You're good at managing hair. Thank you. Your energy is not always annoying. And you know I've seen you at The Daily Show grow to become this force of nature. And I'm actually really happy that you're hosting this week. Gets really good. Shut up, everybody, shut up, Thank you, Ronnie.
And I just want to say, um, I want to take this moment to tell you we're out of time. Ronnie Chang. Everyone all right, when we come back, I'm going back to school, so don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. You know, we live in a polarized era where nobody wants to sit down and have a conversation. Well I did, and I regretted it. Take a look as the culture wars ripped through America, one thing that always comes up is the children. We have
one job, and that's to protect our children. Protecting children from you know, sexual indoctrination, critical race theory, things like that, banning books, especially these books endanger as our children. But as the father of a child about to start school, I wanted to know about how they felt about the culture wars, and more importantly, I look, you wanted to know if they thought I was cool. So instead of tweeting about the kids, I decided to talk to them.
I don't know if you know this, but I'm a little bit older, and there's a lot of Okay, there's a lot of stuff that I'm not aware of. So I'm going to name something and then you tell me what you think about it. Adults are arguing a lot right now about what you should be learning, what subjects you should be taught, well, books you should be reading, But we never asked you. How do you feel about school? What are your favorite books? What books are you guys
reading right now? I love like racial justice books because I feel like I can relate to that a lot, like they hate you give or like blended. How do you feel about people wanting to ban those books? Not good? Because like I feel like you need to This is it's what's happening in the world right now, Like racial injustice is happening right now, and these books are about racial injustice, so people need to learn about it. If they want to do something about it. Do you feel
like your teachers are trying to indoctrinate you? No? Do you know what the word indoctrinate means? Brentley, let's talk about this. Thoughts on the president in the court administration. I think it's good. Yeah, I like it. I feel like he's a lot better than Chump in my opinion. Sure, I feel like he's not the best president. We've definitely got better presidents, but he's a big step up Chump. What about this era feels different from other presidential He's
definitely older than other presidents. How old is too old to be president? Too old to be a president is an age where you're scared that you might not live to see the next day because a country is depending on you right to run them. Also, as long as you don't have any like mental health problems, like say you have dementia and you're sort of losing your memory a little bit, And people with dementia they're perfectly good people, but they're probably not the best kind of person to
run a country because they might not remember everything. Yeah, you're eerily describing what Joseph ar Biden is going through right now. But despite their scathing agism. What surprised me is that the kids I talk to aren't steeped in the culture wars like the adults. They're too busy trying to figure out how to be kids. This is something a lot of men in their thirties don't talk about feelings. How do you process things when you're sad or angry? I kind of get mad at my parents when a
blood I'm mad at them. I kind of don't like him. I only go to my roomb, like they'll come in and they always think they're like, so I'm going to apologize. They want to be right when sometimes they're not right, Like they just can't say sorry sometimes. But if parents said sorry, then that means parents and children are equal. Well,
you can't have that. They can't are the things adults tell you that you're like, no way, I don't believe that sometimes, Like when they said something when I was younger, I thought they were lying, Like what what do they say that? You're like, that's not true. If you roll your eyes too much, is gonna get stuck up there. I used to cross my eyes. I would do it like as a joke of phone, and then my dad would be like exactly. It's not true. Well I thought
that would actually happens. Go ahead, what's up? So? Has I know if your parents ever told you when you turned the car like the car laid on like that, it's illegal to leave it on. Yeah? I found out it's not illegal. How did you find out? Just I saw on like YouTube? I'm like, what the heck? Let's talk about social media? Are we on social media? TikTok? Instagram? Facebook? Twitter? I feel like Twitter. I think it's like old people turned into like you know how like Facebook, like died.
Twitter is kind of like dying. My dad is obsessed with Twitter. Do you think Twitter is good for him? Maybe a little less would be good, but I don't think it's getting out of hand? Got it? Do you want to join Twitter based on the way your dad uses it? Not? Really? I don't have much interest in social media. Are your parents on the phone too much? I feel like my dad always says I'm on the phone too much, but kind of every time I look
at him, he's always on like slack or something. I just went on, Get off your phone, dad, get it off your chest. This is your chance to tell us off. Go to that camera and just tell him. What's up? Get off your phone, Dad, and you to maintain a better Wilkelefe balance. You heard him. Parents, stop watching this on your phone and go hang out with your kids. All right, stay too, because when we come back, the one and only Jannis unto the Kumko will be joining me. Well,
Daily Truco, don't go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My guest tonight is an NBA Champion Defensive Player of the Year in two time League MVP, but you may know him as the Greek Freak. Please give it up for Yannis. Nice look at that. What is is this coffee? It was a little bit, a little bit of coffee or water or something like that. How you doing man, Thanks for coming to New York. Thank you, Thank you for having me. Now I should be calling you head coach.
You coached me and the Yeah I'm the coach. Yeah yeah, but you had like zero points. Yeah, but your defense, your energy was great, Like you had a great teammate. That's what people tell me all the time. But that didn't really translate to online props. I got roasted bad. Look, I just think in the future we got to divide it up. We got pro athletes over here and then civilians because we got DK calf sledge hamming on people. That's my guy. I mean, he's great, but I'm thirty
seven year old Indian man and we're all with each other. Listen, man, how's the NEI feeling? I got to ask you. That feels good? It feels good. Okay, Okay, so you're gonna recover. We're good. I feel no pain. I'm good man. So yeah, so look, we're here. We're here in New York because we're obviously here to talk about an amazing foundation that you have, and one of the things you are so proud to share with the world is how much you
love your family. Yeah. I don't know if you know this about Yannis, but I kind of find it annoying at times. You're always like, my name is Jannie. I love my family. I love my brothers, and then my family gets mad at me and they're like, why don't you talk about us this way? And I'm like, he's hiding something. That's That's what a person with the secret does.
I wouldn't be hit, I wouldn't be in supposed that I've seated today without my family, you know, without the sacrifices that without the sacrifice that my parents made every single day to provide for us, to put us in a position to have an opportunity to go out there and accomplish our dreams and goals in life. You know, I wouldn't be here without them, you know. Obviously it's been six years and now two seventeen six years that my dad had passed away, and it's um you know,
in honor of him. And as I've said in the past, and I've said a lot of times, like he had no money, he had, he was poor. He came from Nigeria to have a better life, and we were his legacy, you know. And I could feel like growing up like he was the richest person in the neighborhood because he
always felt rich because he had us, you know. And so you know, we decided us, we decided us a family to come together and you know, build this foundation to basically just do what people did for us, you know, just pull our hand out there and give him opportunity to be great whatever they decide to do, and kind of help them be the step for them to go out did and us the same way I did, you know, And it's a beautiful thing. Man. It's the Charles Charles
Onto Takumpo Family Foundation. And what's so cool about it is you're focusing on three different places Milwaukee, Nigeria, in Greece, which is such an integral part of your identity now as a child of immigrants here an immigrant. Is it weird being here in America and then being around people who don't love their family? You know what I mean when people are like, my mom is toxic? Like is that weird? Yeah? You know, kind of mean, Like when you see mom sell on your phone, you pick it up, right,
I have to, That's what I'm saying. But people think we're crazy. I'm like, I'm there's no way this is going four rings? Are you crazy? You have to pick it out? Yeah, that's why. Yes, you say you're thirty seven, I'm thirty seven. The last time your mom whoop you as like thirty five. Yeah. So we'll see emotionally with my ass this morning, She's like, oh, you're not gonna call me before your first day at the Daily Show.
I'm like, I'm busy. Yeah No. She suplexes me emotionally all the time, but I gotta I gotta take it me too, but I'm going to pick up the phone, you know. But at the end of the day, like as a you know, it's not the relationship are the best, you know, but then you just got to make it work.
But for me, it's easy. With my brothers, we slept in the same bed, you know, like I was, I had the feet on my face, you know, I had this So no, you guys don't know that, like when you go back to the motherland sometimes you gotta do head to toe toe to hey, yeah, yeah, you like it's like reverse Lego logs here. So we were very close. We tried to protect one another as much as we can and tried to advise one another. And that's how my dad raised us. My dad, let's and my mom,
My mom and dad. You know, if one don't need nobody's if like he not me because I'm the third one, but like Fantasia's backstage, like he had the most pressured out all of us, because like my dad was on him, like protect your brothers, like look after your brothers, you know, make sure your brothers get to school, make sure that your brothers did be Like we were raised to be together. So that's why our family has been this way, but you know, there's a lot of times that you know,
sometimes it gets gets crazy, but just have face. You have five brothers, Bro, that's nuts. And I was roasting you the other day and my brother died in your face. I know, I know because I was telling we were playing horse back and forth and I can't beat him physically, obviously, but I was like, I gotta I gotta defeat them mentally. So we're playing horse and in the middle of the game, you're shooting a free throw and I'm like, what's it like being the middle child? That means you're the least
loved by your mom. And I did my research. I'm like, you know who your mom loves the most, Alex and you were like plank. I'm like, let's go. It's crazy that that's true. It's crazy. See this is what this is what people love about you, Yannis. You love your family, You have humility. I'm talking smack to your face and you're like, it's cool. Then. I don't know if you've seen this about Yannie. There is the groundbreaking tweet you had in twenty fourteen and you talk about your love
of sweets. You love American sweets, let's talk about the smoothie. Oh, yes, you go. I just taste for the first time a smoothie. God bless America. All right, I was so excited. It's crazy. And since then you may have not seen this, but like I think it was a recent press conference. You're like, I didn't know you could dunk oreos and milk. This is crazy. Like, so, you're just enjoying all of these
American sugary sweets. But I wanted to to open up your world a little bit, and I wanted to introduce you to more sweets because there's nothing more American than diabetes and early onset obesity. So you obviously talk about Skittles. Skittles is your candy of choice this year. I saw that on IG Obviously you love smoothies. We've talked about the dunking the oreo situation. Um, have you had these? This is a fruit roll up. No, I'll be Gabe tomorrow. Man,
Come come on, let's go. We gotta do it right here on TV. I need your takee play, we need the Jannis tastes. I have a buyer. No, no no, there's a rapper. There's rapper, the rapper. Let's go here. We go thoughts it is good? Yeah, yeah, let me let me get the odd one sum yeah, all right, here we go ticks later, yeah, all right, all right? Hellok. Growing up as a Muslim, I could not have these,
but I brought them for you. This is a Hostess snowball, and I've always wanted to eat one of these, but they have pork gelatin in them, and so I brought them here for you so you could eat the devil's candy. Tell me what you think. I'm just gonna live vicariously through you. No, no, no, so I'm not missing out anything. Okay, no, d you know what year they made that, well, nineteen eighty one. These things can survive the zombie apocalypse. This, this is gonna be honest with you. Let me ask
you a question. What's your what's your serial of choice? Fruit loops or um the cinnamon toast? We know as a as an NBA vet, that's kind of a rookie choice. Be honest. Have you had the time? Is now? I'm gonna undesk this right now. We did some builk. We need their ball. No, I just want, I just want straight up if you do you like Reese's pieces? Do you like Reese's peanut butter. Let's talk about the one. Yeah, of course, yeah, what else would I be referring to couple?
Let me see it. Go for it, police, just straight up thoughts it was good? Do you now imagaine this with milk? Do you rank it? Do you rank it up there with your top two? Yes? I like, okay, all right, keep it? Do you keep that? You keep that? That's all you. That's all you, bro. I told you. I told you, if you come to the show, I'll hook you up. You didn't think it was gonna be like this. Look, I got to do something for the culture. I'm hosting the show, and I can't just be giving
you these American products. I gotta blow your brain up. I didn't say that, right. I didn't say that right, I gotta blow your b I didn't say that. I didn't say I did. I didn't say that, right. I didn't say that. You got what if I got nervous and be like, I gotta blow your back out, I'm gonna blow your mind right now, Yannis, This right here, don't you know what I mean? I didn't forget that. This right here is a personal delicacy on behalf of all of South Asia. This right here, Yannis, is what
we call a glob Johmen. And what do you like donuts? Yes? Now, imagine who doing mac donuts? Everybody loves don us. Imagine if you took a donut hole and you were like, go harder in the paint. Let's take that donut hole and doubts it in syrup. That, my friend, is a glob Johan. Here you go. You made these? I didn't make this is gonna I get lie to you. Here we go, let me see man. Yeah, this is a historical moment. Yeah, I like this. Yeah, what do your mond? Yeah?
Keep going, you can keep going keeping you can have both? Do you want to have all three? I didn't do anything to have this is This is an MJ with the pizza and the last dance. This is all. This is actually from love. I want you to succeed. Let's go, man, is that probably the best tasting thing that you had out of all of them? It is very rich that
it's a lot. It's a lot. And if you've noticed, if you've seen Indian men in their forties, fifties and sixties, and they're kind of shaped like et it's because of stuff like that. I got one last thing to talk to you about. Can we clear this real quick? Can you do this for me? We're gonna clear this real quick. One of the things I love about you, man, and the reason why I wanted to bring on the show
to plug the foundation, is your humility. You know, you are obviously one of the biggest superstars in the world, but you're kind, You're empathetic, You're humble in a league where that's not incentivized. But I gotta be honest with you. You were in a press conference recently and they asked you. You're a two time MVP, and they asked you, who's the best player in the league? And this is what you said, Let's play the tap. Do I believe I'm the best player in the world. No, the best plait
in the world is Stiff Kittie. It's so the next player. I hate that. I hate that you look you got this immigrant dad, green card, visa energy, But you're a citizen, bro. You deserve to be here, all right. And this whole being nice to everybody else in the league, Jannis, they're going head hunting for you. You think those guys want to be nice to you. I don't think so. No, So you gotta talk that talk right here right now in New York City. Now, I know talking trash isn't
your strength. That's my strength. So I wrote you some trash talk right here to some of the top players in the league. And I want you to go to camera three right now, talk that mother talk. Let's go. Let's go head hunting, Yana. Okay, there we go. Listen, Luca. Yeah, even though you're riding mccari and you have them on your team, I'm coming for you, guys. Oh, I can't say I can't see the people what they want. Ya. Let's do this. Let's do this. I'll do it. I'll
be your shiptop translator. Let's do this. Get it on me, let's go. Yeah, what's up, Luca. Even though you're running with Kyrie, the scouting report is out on you. You got sausage arms and cankles, my man. For a dude from Slovenia, you sure look like a dude from Alabama, and you're gonna get this work in the postseason. That's what you gotta say. All right, all right, fine, fine, fine, He likes Luca, He respects his game. Well about joking we got to talk about Joker. I wrote some stuff
about Joker home right here, here you go. This is Jannis given joking that trash top Joker. How are you gonna make it through the finals where you look like you can barely make it through a Burger king drive through? So let's up. This is what we want. This is America. Yes, keep going your kids. I love your game. No, it's like this go back prompter. Hey, yo, kick Joker, how are you gonna make it through the finals when you look like you can barely make it through a Burger
king drive through? You shouldn't be on the court. You should be checking ideas outside of a hookah bar. You gotta say it like that. All right, let's keep going. Let's keep giving these people this work. Kevin Durant, let's go. You keep joining super teams to win the NBA title. How about how about we work out together sometimes so I can teach you how to carry your own team.
Oh you know what I'm saying? Like, I like that one and it was like a little simpler K D K one of the best scoring twitter play this game. I respect your day. You know you fleet by example for fifteen years, So you would hate this. You're growing. I hate this. Entertain me. I respect your game. I'm sorry, I do the Lebron one. We're gonna get out of here, but make this one count Lebron. I love your game, man, what is this? I love your game. You're the king
for the reason. Goat just broke the old time scoring a record. Keep doing what you're doing. Man, he's a blueprint. You're a blueprint man. All right, all right, listen, listen man, everybody we talked about in the NBA, please don't come kill me. Janna. This is what we love most about you. Man. In all seriousness, thank you so much for the work that you're doing in the league. You're setting such a
great image for kids around the world. I'm so honored that I've gotten a chance to get to know you, and I can't wait to see all the amazing working inter and do for the Charles onto the Kumpo friend, New Tuniday for brother, Thank you for most much, Chaste, Thank you so much, jannas the food bow everybody, Okay, I'm gonna take a quick brisk but will be right back.
Half of her. That's our show for tonight. But before we go to learn more or support the Charles Onto the Koumpo found a please head to the link below. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast w