Hasan Minhaj Covers Prince Andrew Being Forced Out Of His Mansion | Kevin O’Leary

As I said, this is my last night here, but as an Indian and as an American, I can't leave without shitting on the United Kingdom. So let's talk about the latest drama in the royal family, because apparently Prince Andrew is pissed that his brother, King Charles is trying to move him out of his thirty room mansion and into the tiny ten room Frogmore cottage. First of all, I get why he's upset that, because that's barely enough space for a teenage sex dungeon. But second, why are

you complaining your house has a name. Any house with the name is next level. My house just has a number like a peasant moving on. According to a new survey, the average tooth fairy payout has now hit a record six dollars in twenty three cents per tooth, which is insane. Poor Nick Cannon's gonna be broke by the end of this one. Okay. As a parent, I want to know how other dads feel about this, which is why I turned the fellow Dad Roywood Junior. Why would junior? Every one?

Are you and Dad? You are Dad? Kay? Thank you? I know your son is getting to tooth losing a Is he getting that sweet six bucks from the tooth fairy? Hell? No, I did the responsible thing. But my boy and I told him that the tooth fairy is did he told him the tooth fairy is dead. She's dead. She dead, She go she she tripped over my son's toys. He'd be laying laying on over the house. She stepped on the toy, broke her neck and chumped on the choked the death on her own tongue. Why would you say

that to your own kid? Well, he's got a put his damn toys up now, I bet you will. Now, look, isn't like like I'm tired of him not cleaning up. And I'm tired of buying into this system. Man, listen to us. We're paying our kids just for losing teeth. And what are they learning from that? What are they learning? All your kids learn is that they can sell their body parts for money. No wonder, no wonder. I spent my whole twenty selling plasma, celling, blood selling, sperm selling,

ball marrow dropped off for kidney. All the tooth Fairy did was teach me how to treat my body like a garage selling. But losing a tooth is a big moment. He shouldn't get something. He is getting something. You're getting the new tooths. That's the prize. You get to keep chewing. And let's just be real. How s where does it end? Lose a tooth? Six dollars? Oh you got your first zip? Here's ten dollars. Oh your body keep changing. I'm gonna have to keep tipping this little for growing hair on

his back. No, he gets one present a year his birthday. That's it. Okay, Well, what about my prismas? Right? Wait? Wait what Christmas? Let's send a day too. I've told my sign that Santa Claus died from too much screen time on the iPad. Listen, man, for your son's sake, man, just here, just give this to Henry Tells from Uncle Hausan. Okay, wow, he lost two teeth, all right, Roy wou junor everybody, he just I know you got it right? All right. When we get back, we're gonna talk about the golden

age of dryptings. So don't go away. I don't know if hold hold them back to the Daily Show. You know, over the past couple of years, I've been noticing something. Do you guys feel like scam artists are everywhere? Right? You obviously heard about FTX, right, the cryptocurrency exchange that lost eight billion dollars of investor deposits based on the reputation of this electrocuted nine year old. Yeah, it was insane, but you know what was crazier the people who helped

him do it. I'm excited to be partnering with that TX to help make crypto accessible for everyone. I'm all in. Are you with FTX? Everything I need to buy, sell and trade crypto safe trading crypto FTX is the safest and easiest way to buy and sell crypto. It's the best way to get in the game. If there's ever a place I could be that I'm not going to get in trouble, it's going to be at FTX. Wow, Kevin, that prediction age so poorly. Leonardo DiCaprio just broke up

with it. So obviously ftx's old news. But when the new CEO, John Wright, took over the company, he looked at the books and he said one thing that I cannot forget. He said that he has never seen a group of such inexperienced, unsophisticated, and potentially compromised group of individuals. This dude said that the situation was quote unprecedented, and

he oversaw the bankruptcy of Enron. Okay, that's like if your doctor told you he had the weirdest penis he had ever seen, and then you found out his other patient was Rudy Giuliani. Now a lot of people have said we are living in the Golden Age of grifting. There's articles everywhere about it, But it's not the Golden Age of drifting because that makes it sound smart and sophisticated.

The truth is the grifters of our age are fucking morons, just absolute dipshits, soft brain Neanderthals and that's the part that bothers me so much. I have friends that I grew up with that got duped by these cloud chasing sociopaths. That's why we need to know why it's gotten so stupid, so we never get back here. Let's talk about the golden age of dipshitttery in our latest installment of Long Story Short. Do you guys remember the O eight financial crisis? Yes,

it was so complicated, remember the big short? What the hell is a credit default? Swappy? I have no idea, Margot Robbie explained it to me naked in a bathtub, and I still don't get it. But the scandals today, oh they're truly idiotic. Take coin Base, okay, very legit, app I have it on my phone. But it was recently at the center of the first crypto insider trading scandal. Now you're probably thinking, wow, us in crypto, it's got to be complicated, Ryan wrong. According to the DJ, here's

how it worked. Right before coinbase listed a new coin, this dork who worked at coinbase would text his little brother to tell him to buy that coin, and at one point they just texted the dollar sign and is emoji you know, the universal symbol for insider trading. Just zero subtlety. Now it gets even dumber. When coin base caught him and tried to bring him in, each On emailed his coworkers that he would be quote out indefinitely because he had to fly back to India overnight. Eh,

you dumbass, you're fleeing the country. You don't paying hr on slab. Just hey, Carol, running from the law, just looping you in, just bumping this for visibility. Thanks. Now, obviously crypto is full of idiots, but this dipshit drifting. Oh, it's everywhere, So don't feel bad if you've been duped. Even JP Morgan got swindled. Take the case of Charlie Javis. Okay, she found her a startup called Frank and she claimed to have a user base of almost four million customers.

And in twenty twenty one, JP Morgan bought her company for a hundred and seventy five million dollars. She was in Forbes, she was the future. But now JP Morgan is suing her because it looks like those four million customers she had, oh she made them up. Almost all of them were baked. Do you know how JP Morgan found out they were fake after they bought the company, which is stupid. They emailed the list and then seventy

percent of the emails bounced back. That's right. The person who blew the lid off this intricate plot was mailer demon. What the fuck is going on? I think they're three factors. Okay. Number one, Millennials have three times less money than boomers did at the same age, So we have this feeling as millennials where we want to catch up, pay for that marriage, that mortgage. We feel behind the game. We got to catch up fast. Now gen X they're behind two,

but who gives a shit about them? They have Nirvana number two. Zero percent interest rates plus multiple COVID stimulus builds pumped a huge amount of money into the system. And the third reason there's more grifhs than ever might be the most important detail. Social media. From the moment you wake up and you pull out your phone, these grifters have root access to your brain. And it's never been easier for total idiots to pass themselves off as

stock market gurus to millions of people. And there is no idiot and more total than this guy. My name is Tommy. I am from Tel Aviv, Israel. Now I live in Beverly Hills, California. Last year I turned three thousand dollars into four million dollars. We used to be broke. I am a stock trader md IP holy shit, and I am also the number sixty one DJ on the planet. This is Tommy Cooperman, aka the number one sixty one DJ on the planet, but he's hoping to drop down to six nine so he can go by DJ noise.

Tommy and his friends promoting themselves on Twitter as financial gurus. Follow them and you could be a baller, and they amassed huge followings because they look really cool, right, especially the guy doing this. Yeah dude, yeah dude, But I want to talk about this guy with a photoshop ahead of Zach Morris. Now in reality, that's Edward Constantine. Edward loves to go on Twitter and show off his cars, his shoes, and his scooters. That's right, ladies, scooters. Edward

loves scooters. He rides them all the time while being really cool. I mean they're like playable. No, because I am pretty, I'll making one hundred thousand dollars. I don't know. You know, your life evaluated, change, maybe get better to be your wife, your kids, or whatever. It's holding your bag. So yeah, guys, just you can do it too. Get a bike and start making a hundred thousand a day. I can honestly say I have never prayed harder for a car door to open. Okay, the person was how

were these guys getting so rich from trading stocks? And the suspicion was they were running a pump and dump scam. That's when you buy a stock, you hype it up to your followers, so they buy it, which pushes the price up. Then you secretly sell your stock and then innocent people get left holding the bag. And you would think they would hide the evidence, right, Nope. Eddie would regularly post pictures like this, or he would regularly tweet that he loved pumping and dumping and then posted a

photo of him and his friend flipping off the SEC. Yeah. Ra, And it went on like that until the SEC said, um no, do you knew this morning? On alleged one hundred fourteen million dollar fraud scheme involving self proclaimed stock market influencers, The SEC and d o J are charging eight social media influencers in the so called pump and dump plant prosecutors have a secretly recorded voice chat where the influencers even brag about the alleged scheme, saying, quote,

we're robbing idiots of their money. Oh my god, these mouth breathing morons snitched on themselves. Oh no, bro. Now I got to give props to the SEC. They're clearly starting to send a signal to all grifters that it's twenty twenty three and the parties. Over last year, the SEC collected a record six point four billion in penalties with no sign of slowing down. Now, who knows if these guys are going to go to jail, But the SEC is making an example out of them, and it's working.

After the SEC charged them, all of them stopped tweeting or deleted their accounts, although Scooter Douche Edward Constantine left us with one epic final tweet, I love my homies on here. The rest of you can keep swinging on my legs. Okay, I have to admit that is kind of money or just swinging on it. You know it's funny. Okay, okay, it's funny. It's funny. But one of the top responses to that tweet is not funny, and it reminds me of the people that I know that also got duped.

One of the top responses, this dude writes, shame on me. I used to defend these guys thinking that they were going to help me pay off my wife's medical bills after her fighting breast cancer. I know I'm the one that clicked the buy button, but damn I lost a ton of money following their trades. This is the true damage of the grift. This is why there needs to be consequences, and the good news is there can be. If you think someone is running a scam on Twitter

or TikTok, be a snitch. Yes, Hassan Minhaj is saying snitch, I am pro snitching. The SEC has a website to submit tipsy anonymously. You can go to this website and snitch on dipshit grifters. So long story short, start calling these motherfuckers out, drop kick them with cold consequence, because if you're not, in the words of the great Scooter philosopher, I don't know what the fuck you're doing with your life. When we come back, I'll talk to one of those

people who is plugging that ps. You don't want to know. Welcome back, to the Daily Show. My guests tonight is a shark take investor in a venture capitalists. Please welcome Kevin O'Leary, Kevin elul They know you. Nice to see you, you too. What's happening. Well, I'm just I'm just I'm just drifting through town. Man. Thank you for coming on the show. You don't want to say this first and foremost. I always give people their flowers, so I want to say me and my dad love you on Shark Tank.

Appreci Yes, Shark Tank is one of those shows a family can sit down, we can watch it together. We can cause players, entrepreneurs and vicariously live through a fun piece of unscripted semi reality content. So thank you for giving us that. It's fourteen seasons, right, fourteen Okay, But the truth is we don't script anything because we see them the same time you do. We had no idea it would just blow up this way. I mean, it's

a remarkable platform, yes, and it supports American entrepreneurship. What's wrong with that? It's amazing. Now you've been making your rounds. We were speaking backstage just to give everyone context. Obviously we're talking about crypto FTX. You've been making the rounds, testifying before Congress, going on Squawkbox seventy eight times, and everybody's asking you about, you know, your endorsement of FTX, the fifteen million dollar bag, but nobody's asking you, how

are you doing? How are you feeling? Well, let's just get the numbers, right. It was eighteen million, eighteen and it's all gone. And I get it, But you've got to understand something about venture investing. FTX was nothing but a startup. Okay, basically eighteen months old. That's it. An in can you take me through the relationship timeline of you and electrocuted? How long have you got we can run it? I told you. I was like, let's let's

do it. So because because just for context, at first, you've been on Squawkbox, you've been on programs, and you're like, bitcoin is dogshit, this is awful. I'm paraphrasing. Yeah, I did say. I did say that because at that time the regulator was very very negative. Yes, and then countries like Canada, Switzerland, United Edwards in Australia they opened up. Yeah, but if you're an investor that like me, I invested internationally.

I started to allocate to it. And then you start thinking, you go, look, you know SPFS, it's starting to open up internationally, it's it's becoming more regulated and in Switzerland and other countries, and so you know, clearly this guy who's running this Bahamian orgy um is running a responsible operation. So how did he how did he get in your dms?

How did he penetrate that heart? So obviously at a time in twenty twenty one when FTX was out financing doing rounds at a twenty three billion valuation, that was the hottest steal on the street. If you look at the people that invested in that, it's the who's who have venture came to Dude, I was pissed that I wasn't asking yea. And when I look at that role and it's like Shaquille O'Neil, like Steph Curry, Tom Brady, that's how you know I haven't made it. Well, maybe

in maybe let me get that call? Are even something my agent called me? Maybe you're lucky you didn't get that call. Okay, I think of it that way. Okay, So at the end of the day, when you invest in any startup, and this includes FTX and plenty of others, eight out of ten times you lose your money since

nineteen fifty four where they started compiling these stats. Now, sometimes it's alleged fraud, sometimes bad executions, sometimes bad market, sometimes bad product, but forever reason eight out of ten times you lose money. So the people that invest in FTX, if people are asking me, well, isn't this going to change investing forever? No, nothing's going to change, sure, because obviously we're gunning for that two times where we make

a thousand X on our money. The next morning after I lost that eighteen million, Yes, I was pissed, okay, but it didn't change anything about what I do as an investor, I get right up and I go at it again because I have If every time I had a loser investment, I had to go to Congress, I'd need an apartment there, right. I mean, we lose a lot of deals, but every list in a while, I get a monster hitting the pace. For all the mistakes, FTX is in the past for me, too bad. I

feel sick about it. We all look like idiots, but we got to move on. We have to fund the next venture, We have to fund the next entrepreneurial. But how did he how did he penetrate? You didn't answer the question how did he get you? I know, like I got the five talking points? But how did he just how did he slide in the dms? How did he slide in the DMS? I know you're recording this. How did he slide in the DMS? Of your heart? That come on? So the way, because I've gotten the call,

I've gotten the call in two places on this. Yeah, I was a paid spokesperson, yes, yes, but I was also an investor. I took millions of dollars and invested them in FTX International and US. So I'm getting squeezed on both sides on this point. At the end of the day. The way I look at it is, Okay, I have an agent. He gets contacted and says, look, do you want to be a paid spokesmist you to this, I said, I'm I'm interested in crypto. What do we know about this company? We know that it's got the

biggest investor list I've ever seen. Yeah, But then but then you reply all to like Kevin O'Leary all agents at CIA dot com, and you go, I've said that this is dogshit, replied, and then you sent no and then they go, they go Kevin Comma enter, It's that's not the way this works. Is you going back and say, okay, one point eight billion raised, who's in the race? Who did the due diligence? Plenty of them did, and it's the heavy hitters, huge hitters. We all know each other

in the private equity business. And I said, okay, somebody dillied this thing. Yeah, and the parents were compliance lawyers, sir out of Stanford. I mean that's pretty good. Yeah. So at the end of the day, it's a very unfortunate outcome, and everybody looks still because you do do your due diligence. I've seen you. You are a savage. Obviously obviously SPF and FTX, your boy has lost eight million dollars of investor funds, and clearly from the reports,

no one did their due diligence. So I'm asking you, on behalf of the Daily Show, will you fly to pala Alto where he's on house arrest and play this down and hit them with the cattle from I'm not for the forty appearances. I'm not for the four minute segments on Squawkbox. Let's take a Southwest Plus flight tonight layover in Chicago. It's on me. We land SFO, my dad will pick us up and we will go to SBS. I think that's a little extreme, Okay, just a little

I mean, look at the end of the day. Think about this, end of the day, a lot of people lost money. Retail got fleece. That's what happened at the end of the day. Okay, did Lehman Brothers change anything. No, Enron, no Bear Stearns, no long term capital. No, there's always going to be the bad actors. Sure, this is capitalism, and every once in a while there's a bad actor. You just went through a whole you know, litany of them, and the system self corrects. If you do bad things,

shit happens to you, bad shit. And I think that's okay, that's our system. The whole idea is you can make money without being a fraudster. This is a great country. You can be an entrepreneur. You can start a company with a great product and become a multi millionaire. That's the path that people take ninety nine percent of the time. And we should celebrate that. This comes along, you know, alleged fraud like this, it's going to go through the system.

Hopefully we're going to get a huge recovery for everybody that lost their money. Already, the rumors are where it's six out of eight billion, they found that six point one billion. Who knows what else will be coming. I want to help everybody on this situation, but I've moved on, and so is everybody else. I have a theory, Yeah, I have a theory. So in corporate America, I see a lot of urban professional elites with LinkedIn accounts here in the crowd tonight. In corporate America, they have a

thing called CYA cover your ass. And I think, mister O'Leary, you're making the seventy appearances right now and testifying before Congress to let people know, hey, hr, something up happened. Someone burned down the house while mom and dad left, But you kind of were a part of the arson to begin with. Well, let me correct you on that

for a moment. Okay, During the period when everybody was trying to get allocation to FTX, particularly FTX us hottest deal in the street in twenty twenty one, I got countless calls from people saying, let me in on your allocation. You owe me. We've been we've done business together. I said, guys, it's a startup. It's a big one. It's a twenty three billion dollars startup, but it's a startup. If I'm going to take this ride, I'll do with my own dough.

I'm not going to put anybody else's money into it. Nobody lost money on that deal in terms of investing on it, except me, So I don't. I don't have the problem where I owe somebody, you know, an apology for investing beside me. I owe everybody and all of us involved owe an apology for not knowing it was an alleged fraud. But you know, this happens from time to time. But in my mind, I can go to sleep every night knowing that it was my money. I lost it. I ate it. Shame on me. It doesn't

change what I do in the morning. I'm a very fortunate guy. I can take huge hits and I move on and I keep going. That is the essence of entrepreneurship. You're going to get kicked to the ground once in a whare. This was a big kick in the where

it hurts, right. As somebody said to me, the one I remember the most, you know, the economist on a CNBC said to me, we came out of the green room after I'd had one of those countless presentations on there about it, said Kevin, eighteen million dollars, that's a lot of guitars. And he's right, yeah, you love guitars. He loves guitars. Just for he's he's telling a story that's not great because you have to set up the premise for the punchline. This is this is my comedy, sharks.

I love this story. Okay, listen, here's what has to happen. You have to be able to expose your position when you say you lost money. The only way for us to truly know is if a forensic accountant comes in. I want that. You want, you want the full transparency everybody. You don't understand everybody. So you got the eighteen mil. Look, me and you were in Hollywood, not these regular normies. So let's let's let's have the big boy talk. I

want to have the talk. So out of the eighteen mil, won't wait, hang on, let me let me get him in on it. It's out of the eighteen You guys don't know this. There's agents, managers, business managers, the irs all of them. Ka ka to say that. But out of that eighteen mil, my man, probably let's go six to seven. Now that's just straight cash, But we don't know.

Some of it could be USD, some of it could be some of that sweet sweet equity position, but we won't know until a forensic accountant comes in, and we want that. I have a hunch, yeah, I think you didn't lose a whole lot of the shirt off your back. But retail did all of my money on the comp Just so you understand this, by the contract was in an FTX account, So eighteen comes in as you correct, about half of it paced taxes and agents and the

unions and all that stuff. The rest goes into the account, and on Saturday morning, November tenth, it was scraped out along with all the trading records. Everybody there, including me, does not know where that money is or do they have the trading records. Do I want to hire a forensic account Absolutely, I've disclosed I had thirty two positions. It wasn't cash, it was crypto and all kinds of and tokens, and so they're all gone and I would like to find out where they are. So would another

million people. But it was also house money. That's the key difference. How do you say that you're playing off of cake. What's coming to you? Hey, we're giving you a big a million cash I put into the equity. Sure, that's not a million cash, that's a million cash. I'll give you that. Thank you. Okay, So you've lost one US you've lost one million USD personal yes, okay, actually more it was I think one point two five million. Okay, So the only way. But but you're making that heuristic.

You're making that heuristic based off of that six point six to seven million coming in. Look, we're gonna do but for a lot of things. The only way we can really come to the conclusion of this is if we do the old rule when you're sexting a partner, I'll show you yours if you show me. That's the only way. Let's not we don't need to dancer at it. Well, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. My whole deal is

I've been totally transparent with it. The reason I've gone on and talked about it openly is I think we can all learn a lesson from this, And I'm teaching this case at Harvard Actually, I think there's a lot to learn from it, because it's a great example of when you do portfolio work, when you put big money to work, you've got to know you're never safe. You just don't know what's going to happen, right, And this case is crazy. We haven't even seen the end of

this yet. We don't know what's going to happen. The records are supposedly backed up on the Amazon servers and no one's seen them yet. I don't know where that money went. I'd like to find out. And that's the same question every institution has. I'm one of the only institutions walking around talking about it. But so what. It's a horrible outcome, it's a bad investment. I've made bad ones in the past, I'm going to make bad ones in the future. But I'm pretty good at good ones

as well. So that's the way it works. I hear you, and I think there's a detail that you need to add to your Harvard class, which is and all the other places that you bring you with me. Sure, I'll pull up. I mean, if Kim Kardashion can pull up. Now, listen, Kevin, Kevin, let me let me just go. I will pull up.

I will sincerely pull not. Okay, here's the thing. When you go on the Daily Show right now, or when you go on our friend Aaron Ross Sorkin's show right what when you say eighty percent of these companies fail, that is correct, and let's say it's even more, let's say it's ninety. Yeah, the stats have been around. But what you're what you're not accounting for, is you're speaking to the upper one percent that can lose that money.

Everybody else that's listening should probably just put their money in ETF, set it aside, yet, go to sleep, wake up thirty years later. But but but you're not disclosing that. You're not disclosing again once again, your position. How much you've been personally paid upfront? I did? I told no, no, not not about fts, just in general, with the myriad of companies that you're Oh, I see, do you see what I'm saying? Guess what. I'm a capitalist, I'm an investor.

It's what I do. I'm not I'm ashamed of it. I'd love to do what I do. I help all kinds of entrepreneurs and I'm proud of that. We don't make money all the time. It's the point I'm trying to make. When you invest, you take risks, and that's why you need diversity. You need a lot of socks. ETF's a good idea that has a lot of socks whatever at the end of the day. But it's not or whatever that position doing that. Putting your money in an spy SP five hundred for thirty years is going

to benefit ninety five percent of the population. And the and the key problem is people turn to you, people like Kevin O'Leary, Mark Cuban, because they see you very differently than say Larry David. But we take it for Shaquille O'Neal or all the other people that were in the FTS commercial. Mister Wonderful says, this is a good position in reality. Every time you go on squawk Box or any of your many all the time remote crypto positions,

I talk about platforms and diversity. I didn't do commercials and I never would because I don't advocate single products. You don't do commercials. I mean, you're on every third commercial during the commercial breaks of Shark Tank. You know I'm talking. You're talking about FTS though, right you're talking about FTX. I'm not talking about I'm saying in general, Yes, yeah,

I understand. Okay, yeah, do you see what I'm saying? Yes, I guess, well yes, if you go to your YouTube channel, just on your YouTube channel, the fourth or fifth video on your YouTube channel is is this the bottom of the market? Do you know what that's signaling to retail investors. It's signaling them to either pop in or pop out, when in reality, you should just go, hey, hey, real talk. You should have one class at Harvard. It should be ten minutes. Listen to me right now. Listen to me.

Put your money in Vanguard portfolio, bt sax Or S and P five hundred. Maybe do a bond position right now because it's giving you four percent. Set it aside in turn off squawk Box. Actually, don't even listen to what I have to say. You're being tough on Squawkbox. They do a service. People are interesting. Listen. I understand indexing. That's great. I do that too. But if you want to extraordinary your turns, you got to take risks on entrepreneurs.

You have to back people that don't know their outcomes. Right, So then your podcast and TV show tell me you just had a chance to investing the evaluation was five million dollars. Which do you wish you did that? Sure? Yes, be hindsight is twenty twenty always, and you will lose that way, you will. You can lose ninety five percent at the time, that way trying to pick stocks, Kevin,

you know this. Even the great Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger, the goats of capitalism, even they say, now these geriatric coffin Dodgers now at their shareholders meeting, go listen to me. Listen to me. If I could do it all over again, I would just put it in next one and what they should and tug it away and we'll play the cliff Heaven. It's on YouTube. Listen, Let's let's not do this. Can I ask you just a question? We can be back and forth. I just want to ask you this

because I mean this sincerely. I've been trying to crack this. Are you a great investor? Or are you a great spokesperson? Because I think the ladder Okay, I don't agree with you. Let me tell you what's happened over the last ten years.

The ability to tell a company's story, to get people to understand what their mission is and the benefit of their product is highly valuable, very because there's a million stories out there, and the biggest problem every company has, including giant SMP countries companies, is how do they get customer acquisition? How do they acquire customers? Eight out of ten companies fail in America after thirty six months because they're never able to get their customer acquisition costs but

all the lifetime value. That's where I change the equation. If I invest in your company, I tell your story. That's what my job is to do. Yes, I take risk. I'm fortunate to have money to invest, but I get behind it and tell the story. And that's what we do on Shark Tank. Why are Sharktank companies so successful? Why do so many more of them make money than the traditional eight out of ten Because we tell their story to one hundred million people every year. That's the

magic sauce. So I think I'm a great investor by being able to be a great storyteller too. People need to know what the product does, what the merits of it are. That's why they try it. That's why it's important to tell these stories. You talk to any guilty I hear what you're saying, so tell me you know because I go to couples therapy. Let me tell you

what I'm hearing, but I mean this sincerely. Tell me if what I'm telling you is right around what I hear you're saying is no haas and I disagree with you. I think I am a great investor and a great spokesperson that you do both that if I see something a seat of a good idea in your company. I'm great at communication. I'm good at the microculture. True, I

can communicate those things. Okay, So then you have I would imagine you would feel some level of guilt when some of the companies that you are promoting end up leaving retail investors holding the bag where you're like, damn, I because if here's why, you know, with certainty in venture investing investing in startups since the beginning of time, eight out of ten are going to fail. I know that you know that, and the whole world knows that.

Because those are the stats. There's nothing you can do to do to change the system of you going on these shows. Squat Box is financial fomo, the graphs, the ticker, but you're guys are swinging kettlebells and greenwich. Do I gotta get an hour later. You know this, DoorDash ipo? Do I get it now? Later? Again? It's that fomo I gotta get in now. I think so philosophically mystery in our messaging. And I would agree with you on this. And I think if you're going to promote the idea

of investing, you should also promote the idea of diversity. Diversification. You can't put it all in any one position or any one institution because you don't know when there's going to be an ex Lehman brother or Barristers, or when a stock goes to zero. By the way, big companies go to zero two they do oh yeah, and so that happens. So if you have diversification, and I learned this from my other never more than twenty percent in any one sector. We have eleven sectors in the American economy,

never more than five percent and one stock. That is the definition of diversity. And that's what I do with my own portfolio. That's how you stay out of trouble. Okay, you obviously would agree with that. Sure, sure, I rest my case your owner. Yeah, wait a second, but when you are going on a six minute segment, if you did this. If you pulled up on your next Squawkbox segment and said that amazing, I do say, but you don't you give you must be you're not watching the

right sec I've seen you do forty of them. I mean you're putting up shots, my man, and some of them are just airballs. Now listen. If you are a great investor, let me ask you this and the great spooks proud of my track record? Why are you on cameo? I love? Are great investors on cameo? Put up the graph video? That's put up the graph video. You can book a personalized video for fifteen hundred dollars. You can book a business video. I don't even know what that stand. Why?

Because this helps entrepreneurs launched their products and services. That ninety nine percent of my cameos is a business that can't afford to go to an agent and pay half a million dollars. This is fantastic what they've done. My biggest mistake on Cameo was not to take down twenty percent of the stock when it was offered to me. Okay, I should have bought twenty percent. It was really a

fantastic idea. Sorry, I'm an advocate and I'm gonna keep doing it, and people booked them because it helps them. I'll do anything to help an entrepreneurs. That's why do you let me ask us a few ques sub questions? First of all, cameo is, oh, these haven't been tough questions, sub questions, sub questions. First of all, cameos absolute doc shit. It's a it's a way for Rachel Dolas all to which you wish you happy birthday. I'm not joking. Number two,

do you think big boy investors do cameos? Do you think Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger tap dance for sixty five not seem taleb is out here doing that business video. They're not venture investors that you don't start up entrepreneurs that do you need the fifteen hundred or sixty five? Do you need any of it? Listen, I spend plenty of dollars doing what I do, and I give to

all kinds of philanthropics. It's not about charity. I'm talking about the actual qualitative, the quality of that that I do. That bak because people tell me, and they have for years doing it. This has really helped me. Okay, I'm happy to do it. Read the comments. I mean, if you want to be a critic, go ahead, but read the comments. I mean, I mean the content, the comment of a person asking for a fifteen hundred dollars used. Okay, sure, I don't do many fifteen hundred dollars. They're all the

sixty five hundred ones. Unfortunately, I'm a little bit because if you're a business and if you want to use it, you got to you gotta pay. Very sorry for those people, Well, I'm sorry. You know I'm going to charge you twelve hundred for yours. I'm gonna give you a discount. Okay, Okay, I'm gonna do that. I get it. It's it's hard to rattle me on things I know that work. You know. I mean you didn't. I mean, the Cameo thing is really bad, man, It's a truly bad. Look. I don't agree.

I don't agree. It's for grifters, sociopath sick offense and O. J. Simpson. I mean, like, there's the people that are on Cameo. It is your little negative on Cameo. Okay, do you guys like Cameo? No, don't poo, don't poo. I mean, I was just asking Okay, um, listen, this has been a This has been a very interesting nice about small business here. Yeah, let's do the small business. So we

spoke backstage. He wants to plug the small business thing, but can I can I just say this one thing and we'll plug the small business and we're gonna do this whole. This is all gonna be online, so it's

all good. So I think the reason why I'm very passionate about this is because I think there is ecosystem of a lot of VC people and and people with money going on these shows giving advice to retail and Look, I think entertainment is important, but when Skip Bayliss and Stephen A. Smith give their hot takes, it doesn't potentially affect people's, for oh one case, or their bank account. When you give financial tips, it's like a doctor giving

a diagnosis to a patient. They can't even see. You don't know the number of people that you're inadvertently Let me tell you're advertently hurting. Let me tell you why I disagree with you. Do you think I should just don't? That's all I'm saying. Be careful when you people's bank accounts. Everybody in the audience, do you think I should go to high schools as I do and talk to them about financial literacy and about credit card debt and about stocks and bonds. Is that a good thing to do it?

You should give them Jail Collins book, The Simple Path to Wealth, And one of the addendums should be turn off any program that I'm on beside schartag, beside chartage. So I'm very proud to be on Shartege fourteen. It's I teach, it's high schoolers and I teach graduate MIT engineers. Look, there is there is a You are allowed to have an opinion, and I'm glad you do it. It's an important part of the dialogue and the discussion we're having here.

But at the end of the day, the more people that understand the financial system in this country, the better this country is. Now. You may not agree on the message. That's okay, and that's the one to think about this country. We can have this dialogue and we don't have to agree. And I don't agree on half the stuff you're saying, but I respect the facts. You have the opinion, that's good with me. I appreciate and I appreciate you and respects of real appreciate you want to do the small

business thing. Yeah, I'll do my pitch and we'll write. Okay, okay, let's do it. So you wanted to talk about small business, we's talk about that and then we'll do my pitch. Team, let me tell you what we should be worried about in this country right now. And a new ambassadorship that I have. I know you'd like to be critic but I want to hear you criticize this one. Okay, are you ready? You're ready? So everybody remembers PPP. Yeah. Um, all of our companies came into I mean for them.

If you're doing the cameos, you never know. I didn't do it a lot more than for the government. No, I didn't. That's fine. Anyway, you're not funny. All of marginal you could. You could got better jokes than that one. I'm going to give you a four out of ten. So look, let's get to the point. Is the program was launched and all small companies use it. They went to their bank and got it. At the same time, another program was launched called the Employee Retention Credit. You've

never heard of it, have you? Okay, small business is really hurting now because rates have gone up so high on them. You know, people talk about six percent fed rates. Small business is boring at eighteen percent now. They used to borrow it nine or seven. So it's been hell for them for the last two years. The government has two hundred and fifty billion dollars sitting waiting for them to pick it up on their payroll because they forgot

to go get it. It's sitting there. If you have a small business between five and five hundred people, you can make up to twenty six thousand dollars as a gift from the government towards your business one time. So if you have fifty employees, that's half a million dollars. If you have one hundred ployees, that's one point one million. I'm pounding the drum everywhere I can to tell every company in America that qualifies, because you only have twenty three more months to get it. Go file, go file

for it. Thank you for sharing that information. Thank you. I mean, I think that's that's a very important thing to do. So before we get to tell me why that's a bad thing, I'm not. I think you're sharing a very important piece of information. Thank you. In a not entertaining way, but it's important. Nonetheless, but it's important. It's important, and it's great. How many people are entertained by one point one million dollars cash? There we go.

I'm entertained. Okay, I have mister O'Leary on the show. I gotta pitch you go ahead. So here's my I think it's going to go badly. Yeah, here's my past, here's my pisch. I mean, I wonder why this is my fish? I think. You go on these shows. You are part of a system in the media, specifically financial hot take media, the CNBCS, the podcast appearances. People turn to you for financial advice. They ask you, how are the markets doing, what's up, what's down? What are you into?

You give your opinions because people turn to you because you're mister wonderful. You obviously look like a successful entrepreneur and businessman. Advertently or inadvertently, you give people your opinion. People listen to that opinion and then make investment choices based on what they hear from you create let me just finish, Let me finish, let me finish. Okay, you give those opinions, It creates potential chaos and risk at scale. Because it's on the internet, and then you face no

downside consequences when those people get fleeced. That's not fair. Totally disagree with you. Is this a pitch where I invest the second one? We haven't got to We haven't got that one. So let me tell you. I gotta get to the end. We gotta ge tell Okay, Well, now the second part is I've thought to myself in here somewhere, it's not the end, Okay. The second part is I've thought to myself, I go, hey, you've clearly

made picks and taken some massive els. So he either cares about it and feels very bad about it, which you may, or you know you're taking those els. But if you keep the three card Monty going and keep appearing on other shows and make other picks, you'll just bury the els you had in the back. If you beat the algorithm, they can't even catch up to all the l's in the past. The problem is retail got left holding the bag a long time ago, yeah, or lost lost. So I think what you do is good.

I think you are entertaining on Shark Tank when you leave that environment and give financial advice people, regular people, potentially get hurt. So I mean this humbly. This is my pitch to you. I want to quote the great Laura Ingram. I think you should focus on your strengths and shut up in shark tank. You reverse that, right, You want me to my strength to sharktak. You said you want me to shut up in financial literacy, which

which one is? No, no no, your strength? So when okay, so jokes are great when you have to explain that, no, no no, no. So she told Lebron to shut up and dribble because dribbling has his strength. Right, So I said, shark tank is your strength? Yes, so then using that you just carry that so in sharking I used to. So my whole point is my actual daytime job is managing capital. That's what I do, and I've been doing it for thirty years, and you know, it's it's a career.

I'm very proud of and I'm proud of my reputation. I had some mistakes and losers and bad investments, just like everybody else does. But long term, the best way to do it is always tell the truth and you never have to remember what you said. And so everything I've told you is the truth. It's not all good news. And by the way, in investing, you are going to have some losers. You've learned that tonight, right of course, and so I wish I could only have winners. I

never will. And everybody that invests has learned, whether I'm involved in their lives or not, that there are losers in investing. That's what happens. But as you've suggested, the market does give you, on average about a nine percent return over a long period of time when it's an SNP five hundred. So the addendum is that you're in another tax bracket. Don't listen to what you're saying because you're bawling. And you can take the losses. That's it perfect,

it's perfect. You can take the losses in retail care. It's for Kevin O'Leary. I want to say thank you so much, you very much and joining the show, and I want to say thank you for having this conversation and for us being in stock out of another helper sent thank you for thank you tell much person Kevin later that was fine, Thank you, and I'll pull up to the class, I mean up for the pod. That's our show for tonight. That's why I'm in the chair, but say food because he's guess house for next week

is gonna be Marl A Way. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights and eleven tenth Central, own Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Flubs. This has been a Comedy Central podcast