Government Shutdown: Trump's Total Shutshow - podcast episode cover

Government Shutdown: Trump's Total Shutshow

Sep 29, 202320 min
--:--
--:--
Listen in podcast apps:
Metacast
Spotify
Youtube
RSS

Episode description

The Daily Show looks back at President Trump’s mismanagement of the longest government shutdown in American history.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

Speaker 1

You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 2

President Trump clashing with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer over border security during an explosive sit down.

Speaker 3

Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, together with the President, clashed big time over border wall funding. With a December twenty first deadline to avoid a government shut down, the clock is ticking.

Speaker 4

Trump is demanding five billion dollars for a border wall, and as you can imagine, Democrats would rather release Obama's original Kenyan birth cercificate than give Trump that wall money, which is why this meeting.

Speaker 1

Turned into an absolute mess. You want to shut it down.

Speaker 5

I'm not talking about the last time, Juck.

Speaker 1

You shut it down. Oh no, no, and then you owe when ted.

Speaker 5

Quickly and I don't want to do what you did.

Speaker 1

It is effective? Can I be?

Speaker 5

Can I tell yourself you just said it out a wall Democrats who just wanted dat consequences. He just says, that's right, and that's why the country.

Speaker 1

Is doing so well.

Speaker 6

You can do border security without a wall, which is wasteful and doesn't solve the problem.

Speaker 5

It totally solves the problem. And we've gained in the Senate, Nancy, We've gained in thee Senate.

Speaker 1

Excuse me, did we win the Senate with one the Senate?

Speaker 6

When the president brags that he won North Dakota and Indiana, he's in real trouble.

Speaker 4

Okay, okay, Why does Chuck Schumer keep talking to the camera.

Speaker 1

They're having an argument and he's like a.

Speaker 4

Character in an episode of the Office. He's like, now, the President just doing this right now?

Speaker 1

Now.

Speaker 4

The thing about shutdowns is that if they end quickly, there's not much harm that is done, right, But the longer they go on, the worse the effects are.

Speaker 1

I think of it like this.

Speaker 4

If you leave your cats a home alone for the weekend, they may not love it, but they'll be fine, right, They'll just like drink toilet water or something. Right. But if you've gone for six months, you're gonna need some new cats.

Speaker 1

Right.

Speaker 4

And because they escape and then they leave. Seventeen days into this shutdown, let's just say that America's cats are starting to stink tonight.

Speaker 7

Nearly a dozen departments and agencies have run out of funding. Roughly twenty five percent of the federal government gone dark.

Speaker 2

Here are those departments, Agriculture, Commerce, Justice, Homeland Security, Housing and Urban Development, Interior, State Transportation Treasury.

Speaker 8

Many judges are furloughed, creating a backlog in the immigration court system.

Speaker 9

Then there are the farmers, already under duress from the president's trade war with China. The shutdown means they're not getting those stimulus payments promised by their government.

Speaker 3

The ripple effects extending to the national parks piling up with garbage, even human waste, turning them into health hazards.

Speaker 9

Park visitors in some places are taking care of business, shall we say, along pathways or in the woods.

Speaker 1

That's right.

Speaker 4

The shutdown has gotten so bad that at national parks Americans are pooping on the ground.

Speaker 1

Who's the shithole country?

Speaker 10

Now it's day twenty of the second longest government shutdown in history nineteen ninety five. We're coming for you, off who with no end in sight. Civil servants are marching on Washington, DC.

Speaker 1

And the President knows.

Speaker 5

Why people that won't get next week's pay or the following week's pay. I think if you ever really looked at those people, I think they'd say, mister President, keep going.

Speaker 10

He's talking about people who work for the IRS, or Homeland Security or NASA and are about to miss their first paycheck. Time to give these people a chance to speak to the president directly and to tell him to keep going. This is a card for President Trump to tell him to keep going. You write whatever you want to President Trump and his keep going card.

Speaker 1

American Federational government employees.

Speaker 10

Hell no, he wrote, keep going, mister president. We are all not behind you.

Speaker 1

You mean not, is what he meant to write.

Speaker 10

Stop bs stop the bs bad. He's trying to come in from over the border. Right, We got it, Ryan. See, the people do support the president. You tell President Trump exactly how much you support him and what he's doing.

Speaker 1

Don't hold back now. Just needs a good simple chance.

Speaker 10

Keep gone, keep going, Keep gone, mister president. Keep going, mister president, where's everybody leaving?

Speaker 1

Come back?

Speaker 4

So today at the White House, the President met with congressional leaders to try and negotiate and enter the shutdown, and Trump shut that down too.

Speaker 6

Unfortunately, the President just got up and walked down. He asked a speaker, Pelosi, will you agree to my wall? She said no, and he just got up and said, then we have nothing to discuss, and he just walked down.

Speaker 7

This was what President Trump had to say about it, and he said, quote just left a meeting with Chuck and Nancy a total waste of time. I asked, are you going to approve border security which includes a wall or steel barrier?

Speaker 1

Nancy said no.

Speaker 7

I said, bye bye, nothing else works, Bye bye.

Speaker 1

Oh man, say what you want about Trump.

Speaker 4

Some of the things that he does a pretty badass, right, because that's always been a dream of mine.

Speaker 1

I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 4

I've always dreamed of walking into a meeting and being like, are you guys gonna give me what I want?

Speaker 1

No, Well, then this meeting's over. Bye bye.

Speaker 4

All we got from Trump was basically another immigration stump speech, and like not even one of these fun ones you know, where he like jerks off an imaginary giants.

Speaker 1

Or whatever he's doing.

Speaker 4

Instead, we just got a low energy Jeb version of Trump.

Speaker 5

My fellow Americans, tonight, I am speaking to you because there is a growing humanitarian and security crisis in our southern The federal government remains shut down for one reason, and one reason only, because Democrats will not fund border security. This is a humanitarian crisis, a crisis of the heart, and a crisis of the soul.

Speaker 1

Soul crisis of this hold.

Speaker 4

You know, Trump had to practice that word hard because he's never said it before.

Speaker 1

Right, He was probably reading a drum.

Speaker 11

Of the speech, like a crisis of this soul, soul soul. Did you guys just make up this word I love it? Give me more nonsense words like this, I love it so sold.

Speaker 4

And look for all the hype, the speech wasn't even that long. It was only ten minutes, and eight minutes of it was just Trump sniffing.

Speaker 5

This barrier is absolutely critical to border security that defends our borders and reopens the government. Democrats have refused to acknowledge the crisis.

Speaker 4

Goes guy, you're slipping so much. It sounds like he's trying to get all the drugs off the street himself.

Speaker 1

I'll get rid of them, bring them to me.

Speaker 4

But even in that short ten minutes, President Trump managed to pack in a lot of scaring the shit out of people about illegal immigrants.

Speaker 5

Our southern borders, a pipeline for vast quantities of illegal drugs, meth, heroin, cocaine. More Americans will die from drugs this year, sex crimes, violent killings, murdered, raped, beaten, beheading, dismembering, blood, blood.

Speaker 4

Good lord, so much violence. This thing was on TV at nine PM. This doesn't belong on network. This was an HBO speech. They should have put up one of those content warnings first so you could.

Speaker 1

Get the kids out of the room, you know.

Speaker 4

And right now, it looks like the shutdown could go on for a very long time because both sides feel like they have a mandate from voters. Right Trump could say that he won the presidency promising a border wall, so he has a duty to build that wall. But on the other hand, he also promised that Mexico would pay for it. The Democrats could say that they just won the midterms in a landslide and they ran against the wall, so they have an obligation to stop it.

But the one thing everyone should be able to agree on is that none of this should shut the government down.

Speaker 1

This is politics.

Speaker 4

This is what you're supposed to be discussing.

Speaker 1

It's your job.

Speaker 4

And it's also disingenuous for President Trump to try and blame the shutdown on the Democrats, especially after saying this.

Speaker 5

I am proud to shut down the government for border security.

Speaker 1

I will be the one to shut it down.

Speaker 12

I'm not going to blame you.

Speaker 13

For it.

Speaker 1

Unless it goes bad, then I'm blaming you.

Speaker 4

Guys, Bye bye. The whole debates has just devolved into war or no wall like Caveman Congress. And there's one thing we know is that nothing will stop immigrants from trying to come to America. There's a place that people dream of coming to because people who are trying to make a better, safer life for their families will do anything to achieve that dream. And I know Donald Trump understands this because of this video we found from fifteen years ago.

Speaker 12

Never ever give up. Don't give up, don't allow it to happen. If there's a concrete wall in front of you, go through it, go over, go around it, but get to the other side of that.

Speaker 8

All we know from DHS testing over the course of the last year that all of President Trump's prototypes were breachable in some way. But now, for the first time, NBC News has exclusively obtained a photograph of the steel slat barrier style border wall design that was clearly cut through with what we are told is a household saw.

Speaker 4

You think the news that you can just saw through a steel wall would be devastating news for Trump, but apparently he already knows about this and he's not concerned Your.

Speaker 12

Victors the morning throwing feel barrier wall being thought breaking?

Speaker 1

What God is a feel walf?

Speaker 8

They ca it, fought through it.

Speaker 12

There's nothing that can't be penetrated, but you fix it.

Speaker 4

I get what he's saying again, I get it. Even if a wall isn't one hundred impenetrable, it's still better than nothing. And America is gonna need all the help it can get because the way Trump tells it, things on the border are about to get nuts.

Speaker 12

Here's the story. There is another makes your caravan for me right now in Honduras, and so far we're trying to break it up, but so far it's bigger than anything we've seen.

Speaker 4

I don't know why, but the President makes it sound like a hurricane of Hondurans is hitting for the US. You don't no, I mean, like, say what you want about him as president, but Donald Trump would make a great immigration weather man.

Speaker 12

Here's the story. There is another is your caravan forming right now in Honduras, and so far we're trying to break it up, but so far it's bigger than anything we've seen, and a drone isn't good to stop it, and a censor isn't going to stop it. But you know what's gonna stop it in its tracks, A nice, powerful wall.

Speaker 4

President Trump is demanding five billion dollars from US taxpayers to fund the wall, which is weird because during the campaign he might have mentioned once or twice another idea for where the war money would come from.

Speaker 5

I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will have Mexico pay for that war.

Speaker 4

The only thing worse than one Trump is many Trumps.

Speaker 1

Mexico's gonna pay for it.

Speaker 4

That was true Trump's signature catchphrase, more than any other catchphrase, more than You're fired, more than make America great again, even more than don't tell my wife about this. But we never should have actually believed that Mexico was going to pay for the wall, because every time someone asked Trump how Mexico would pay, he had a completely different explanation.

Speaker 1

There will be a payment.

Speaker 5

It will be in a form, perhaps a complicated form, one way.

Speaker 1

The other Mexico is going to pay for the world.

Speaker 13

That's right.

Speaker 5

It may be through reimbursement, but one way the other Mexico will pay for the world.

Speaker 12

The wall will pay for itself on a monthly basis.

Speaker 5

We're working on a tax reform bill that will generate revenue from Mexico that will.

Speaker 1

Pay for the wall.

Speaker 5

We have a trade deficit with Mexico of fifty eight billion dollars. All I have to do is start playing with that trade deficit and believe me, they're going to pay for then they may even write as a check by the time they see what happened.

Speaker 12

Obviously, they're not going to write a check.

Speaker 5

It's going to be paid for it by Canada.

Speaker 1

By the way, it's going to be paid for it.

Speaker 5

Maybe I'll get Canada picked got to be paid for it by Mexico.

Speaker 1

Wait, what you know? Donald Trump is truly a legend.

Speaker 4

Instead of admitting that he misspoke, he'd rather try and make Canada pay for the wall.

Speaker 1

He's just like, yeah, Canada's gonna pay. I mean yeah, actually, Canada's gona pay.

Speaker 4

I might make them pay for the wall, and Shane Canada and Canada is so nice they'd probably do it. They'd be like, this is not really a boot to us, but I guess we'll pay, eh. So obviously things are not going well for America right now, which is awkward for President Trump because his big State of the Union speech is less than two weeks away, although today Nancy Pelosi suggested that maybe now is not a good time.

Speaker 13

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has sent a letter to President Trump asking to move the day.

Speaker 4

Of the State of the Union address, citing security concerns.

Speaker 14

Pelosi rights, sadly, given the security concerns, unless government reopens this week, I suggest we work together to determine another suitable date after government has reopened for this address, or for you to consider delivering your State of the Union address in writing to Congress on January twenty ninth.

Speaker 1

That's right.

Speaker 4

Not only is the state of the Union uncertain, the state of the State of the Union is uncertain.

Speaker 1

And Nancy Felosi, She's kind of right.

Speaker 4

It is tough to convince people that the state of the Union is strong when you have to give the speech by candlelight because the government hasn't paid its bills.

Speaker 1

Trump' is gonna be sitting.

Speaker 4

There like closer, Mitch, closer, close.

Speaker 1

Not too close. I swear to God if you burn my weave, bitch.

Speaker 4

But I personally hope they can fix this soon because Trump delivering the State of the Union in writing would be a disaster.

Speaker 1

Okay.

Speaker 4

I mean this is the same guy who tweeted the word hamburgers yesterday. Like, if Trump writes his speech down, he's gonna end up declaring that the state of the Union is schlong.

Speaker 1

It's not gonna be it's not gonna work out.

Speaker 4

And plus, if he doesn't do the speech out loud, we'd all miss out on all.

Speaker 1

The weird physical stuff that he does.

Speaker 4

You know, unless, unless, unless he writes that into the speech too, then it would work.

Speaker 1

If he was like, we need to pull out of Syria.

Speaker 11

Sniff for eight seconds, and we need to kick out illegal immigrants.

Speaker 1

Finger gun, bounty ball, finger gun. Draw on the blinds. Bring it home with the accordion folk.

Speaker 2

President Trump moments ago canceling House Speaker Anti Pelosi's overseas trip to Russels, Egypt, and the war zone that is Afghanistan, hours before the speaker and her congressional delegation were set to leave, saying, in part quote, in light of the eight hundred thousand Great American workers not receiving pay, I am sure you would agree that postponing this public relations

event is totally appropriate. He goes on to write, obviously, if you would like to make your journey by flying commercial. That would certainly be your prerogative.

Speaker 4

Ooh, you can feel Trump sitated, like it's the worst thing he could think of if you want to fly commercial. Ah, that's hardcore though, right canceling her flight right before she's about to take off. That's like the complete opposite of a romantic comedy. Like I imagine Trump ran through the airport.

Speaker 11

Like Nancy, Nancy, way, Nancy, that's something I have to tell you, And Pelosi's like yes, Donald's like, Nancy, get the fuck of the plague over.

Speaker 13

My President Trump blinking in his State of the Union stare down with Nancy Pelosi, the president writing in a late night tweet, I will do the address when the shutdown is over.

Speaker 1

I am not looking for an alternative venue for.

Speaker 13

The State of the Union address because there is no venue that can compete with a history, tradition, and importance of the House Chamber.

Speaker 1

Oh look at that.

Speaker 4

Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi facing off, and Trump blinked first, which, of course we knew would happened because Nancy Pelosi does not blink.

Speaker 1

The shutdown is over.

Speaker 10

Eight hundred thousand furloughed federal workers will go.

Speaker 3

Back to work today and should be getting their back pay within days.

Speaker 1

That fix only opens the government for three.

Speaker 3

Weeks, and it does not provide any new money for a border wall, as President Trump had demanded.

Speaker 5

I am very proud to announce today that we have deal to end the shutdown and reopen the federal government.

Speaker 4

Have you ever noticed how all of Trump's accomplishments are just fixing things that he broke. He's like, folks, good news, I freed the immigrant kids.

Speaker 1

From their cages. Wait, who put them in cages?

Speaker 4

Ahs me, I'm glad your announced North Korea isn't going to blow us up anymore.

Speaker 1

Wait, why were they going to blow us up?

Speaker 4

Because I called him a fat little rocketman.

Speaker 1

Maybe it would have been all worth it for Trump.

Speaker 4

If he had gotten some of that sweet, sweet war money, but he folded with nothing to.

Speaker 1

Show for it.

Speaker 4

And even some of his strongest supporters are admitting that Trump got owned by Nancy Pelosi.

Speaker 1

Bigley, broken man, biggest whimp. Trump just allowed Nancy to walk all over him.

Speaker 10

It's clear Trump did not come out on top.

Speaker 1

I'm not going to spend it for you.

Speaker 8

She has just whipped the president of the United States in this and to deny it.

Speaker 10

He is to try to escape from reality.

Speaker 1

You heard what Dobbs said.

Speaker 4

If you can't acknowledge that Nancy Pelosi whooped Trump's ass, then you are not in.

Speaker 1

Touch with reality.

Speaker 4

And honestly, I don't know why lou Dobbs delivered this message on TV. He could have just posted a sign in the Fox.

Speaker 1

News break room. He did not cave.

Speaker 7

He made a tactical decision, a strategy decision to pick the ground to fight on.

Speaker 4

Don't pick the ground to fight on, don't peck the ground.

Speaker 1

Yo, this, I'm sorry, this is unbelievable.

Speaker 4

No matter what Trump does, he's always a mastermind who's accomplishing precisely what he wanted to do. Like if Trump was boxing and he got knocked out cold, like Janine Piro, would be like brilliant, Another strategic consciousness pause by the President Trump. You can't get knocked down if you'll stay on the ground. Got it. But look, if you ignore the stands over at Fox News, it's pretty clear the

shutdown was a political disaster for President Trump. It hurt the economy, it destroyed his approval ratings, and worst of all, he's not getting his wall. And remember Congress only has three weeks to reach an agreements on border security before

the government runs out of money again. But the good news is the good news is there probably won't be another shutdown because after seeing how bad this shutdown went, like, only a true moron would think of shutting down the government again, and no one is that stupid, right.

Speaker 2

We begin today with the President's acting chief of Staff, Nick Mulvaney. Is the President really prepared to shut down the government again in three weeks?

Speaker 1

Yeah? I think he actually is, my man.

Speaker 4

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 1

Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast

Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android
Open in Metacast