You're listening to Comedy.
Central, you're probably worry about Our nation's been embroiled in a long and bitter war.
The first albo in the War on Christmas, the War on Christmas, the War on Christmas, War on Christmas, War on Christmas.
War on Christmas.
It's not to be confused with War on Christmas is a tremendous Christmas album Vexibles. For years now, Christmas has been under attack, defended only by the brave souls of Fox News. Are they still up to the task? That is the subject of tonight's War on Christmas Friendly Fire Edition, Let's Face Facts, the annual Fox War on Christmas. It's become a little predictable. It's basically I imagine you can make went up with the like a make Fox News mad libs. Let's see so uh, let's see. Uh, let's
try to do one of these all right. Last week in uh, I need the name of some godless liberal bastion. Santa Monica. Okay, Santa Monica, that'll do. Let me just fill in Santa Monica there and in Santa Monica a group of give me the name of a small group of annoying people with incredibly limited control over our culture.
Atheists.
Okay, atheists will do. That's right. Everyone's favored uncle lives in Oregon. No one ever says, yeah, so a group of atheists have ruined Christmas by forcing the removal of I need a classic Christmas symbol.
Ass damn it, Brian, we're trying to do something here.
Let's go say in.
The car a Nativity scene.
Thank you, Nativity scene. Some people are still grown ups over there, actious scene. Okay, all right, so we're done. Let's see if we can put that all together, shall we.
Atheists seem to have ended a sixty year old Christmas tradition in Santa Monica, California.
A federal judge backing Santa Monica's decision.
To no longer allow Nativity scenes in a public park.
Oh my god, that is such an out. It's as though the War on Christmas has become a rote observance, devoid of all its original spiritual meaning. Even its most ardent proponents have seen doubt creep in.
Now a lot of people, for whatever reason, will look at this interview today and they'll say, Gretchen Carlson and Daren Costa are nuts. Okay, They're so nuts because they think that there's this made up war on Christmas. We're not nuts, are we? There is a war on Christmas.
As a general rule, if you're trying to tell whether you and one other person or nuts, ask a third person, preferably someone outside the asylum. But since you asked the question, am I nuts to think there's a war on Christmas? It's only played for me to offer you a resounding yes. Nuts.
Because for whatever annoying local ticki tac Christmas abolishing story, you and your merry band of persecution seeking researchers can scour the wires to turn up the rest of us can't swing a dead elf without knocking over an inflatable snow globe or a giant blinking candy cane. For God's sakes, Fox News itself is located in midtown Manhattan, the epicenter of all that is godless, secular, gay, jewey, and hell bound. And yet even here, all around your studio, it looks
like Santa's balls exploded. So that is in us. That is a hypothesis. You know, in the old days before the War on Christmas, the celebration of the Birth of Christ lasted a day like birthdays do, And then it seeped into the night before Christmas, the eve, if you will, And then the next thing you know, we were riding this thing all the way to Epiphany. Fine, twelve days gave time for lords to leap and geese delay, and partridges to pair and gold to ring, and it's just
twelve days of servants and poultry whatever. But it still wasn't enough. There's a war on Christmas. Has anyone told Thanksgiving? Because this year Black Friday aka Christmas's opening belt got moved back a day to Black Thursday, or as we used to call it, Thanksgiving. Christmas is so big now it's eating other holidays. Watch your ass, Halloween your next. I mean, that's a question. Do atheists land an occasional blow? I guess even the Washington generals get lucky once in
a while. But when you look at the overall record between the two teams, for godsakes, there are radio stations that play nothing but Christmas carols, stores that sell nothing but Christmas decorations all year long. There is a TV channel devoted to a Yule log and it's kicking CNN's But don't worry, non log burning channels. There's Christmas programs
for you as well. There's old timey traditional Christmas programming, really old timey Dickenzie and Christmas special programming, New time Ey, Urban Christmas specials, Mormon Christmas specials, Country Western Christmas specials, Shipmunk Christmas specials, Otter Christmas specials, Bear Christmas specials, Cat Christmas specials, Large Headed Child Christmas Day, Christmas, Jewish Christmas, whatever.
This is Christmas, Christmas Underwater, Christmas from the future, prehistoric Christmas. That's right, there's a Christmas special celebrating Jesus' birth thousands of years before the birth of Jesus. That is a holiday that is not in danger. There is so much Christmas all over the place, it's getting harder for Christmas defenders to fight for Christmas without accidentally doing damage to it,
Which brings us to our friendly fire incident. Watch what happens when our good friend Bill O'Reilly takes the atheist's bait.
What religion is involved with Christmas? What religion?
Christianity?
That is not a religion, that's a philosophy.
So you're gonna actually tell me on live television that Christianity is not a religion, correct?
It is aph.
Bill, Bill Way Bill, have you learned nothing from our fringe. You just handed that atheist another thing he can't Believeanity is a religion. Christianity has a philosophical element, but there is a difference between a philosophy and a religion. For instance, let's look at Socrates and Jesus. They have a lot in common, loose fitting clothing, beards, sandals, teaching through parable martyrdom. But here's where we find the distinction between philosophy and religion.
After their martyrdom, one of them got better. I'll give you, I'll give you a hit. It's the one who ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father, who will come again and glory to judge living in the dead, whose kingdom will have no end. Anyone, anyone, bueler, anyone. It's Jesus. Now we bestow one of them tax exempt status. Why isn't Christianity or religion.
Christianity is not an organ religion a church that can be imposed. Christianity is a philosophy. You don't have to believe Jesus is God in order to admire his view on life.
No, but you have to believe Jesus is God to be a Christian. For instance, I like a lot of Jesus' philosophy, love your neighbor, little cheek, turning stone, notod casting. It's very nice. But while I can get an A in his philosophy class, I don't get to go to the after party. You get what I'm saying here, Bill, So you want to do this my place at your place, because baratah.
I'm.
We'll be right back. We all know Christmas is everyone's favorite holiday, Everyone's everyone's, but it is very difficult for even our staunchest defenders of Christmas to keep the spirit of the season when Christmas, it's very essence, is under constant siege by someone something. It's the subject of our new segment, War on Christmas Getting Weird edition. First up, the general pattern of the War on Christmas.
There's an even crazier topic out there. Remember this classic Seinfeld moment.
Out of that, I new holiday was born a Festivus.
For the rest of us, please, that's a classic episode. I mean, the episode was funny, but not Festimus.
Yes, that episode was funny, but not Festivus. The central comedic conceit of that episode lot funny wait, why is Festivus not a holiday for the rest of us?
Now?
A nearly six foot tall Festivus pole made from empty beer cans about to go up at the Florida State Capitol.
I'm not kidding.
It's part of a not so subtle protest against the Nativity scene already on display there.
Who gives it? Can't you just pretend it? Can't you just pretend it's a place for the wise men to tie up their camels? How about that? I mean, really, you're concerned there's a six foot Festivus pole made out of beer cans. It's Florida. You're lucky. You're lucky. There's not a stripper named Christmas swinging on it. It's you've been to Florida. But I apologize, I apologize. You're upset.
Why do I have to drive around with my kids to look for Nativity scenes and be like, oh, yeah, kids, look there's Baby Jesus behind the Festivus pull made out of beer cant It's nuts.
Yes, that sounds relatively nuts. Why are you driving around looking for Nativity scenes in the car when you could just bring your kids to where you work, where you'd put a giant Nativity scene out on the plaza. But as much as I'm used to Gretchen's yearly major danger warnings, a little surprised to see Megan Kelly going full Christmas nog.
So in Slate, they have a piece on dot com Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore. By the way, for all your kids watching at home, Sanna just is white. But this person is just arguing that that maybe we should also have a black Santa. But you know, Sanna is what he is. And just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about a kids.
It just got real. Santa is just white. And who are you actually talking to? Children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at ten o'clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real, yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn't white. Why that's such a narrow Yes, West Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. But since we're pretending to debate this.
Carryl author seems to have you know, she's African American and she seems to have real pain at having grown up with this image of a white Santa just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change.
Actually, I think that's the official slogan of oppression. Oppression just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change. You know what's interesting, that's also the slogan of Arby's. I don't know why we do that. They're perfectly nice people, make perfectly nice food. I don't know why we continue to do this. Now, now you may wonder why on this news channel they're making assertions of fact about a fictional character.
Santa Claus is based on Saint Nichol, who was an actual person, a Greek bishop, and was a white man. You can't take facts and then try to change them to fit some sort of a political agenda or a sensitivity agenda.
There is so much crazy going on here, so much crazy.
I don't even have time to.
Deal with a Fox News pundit saying you can't take facts and try and change them to fit some kind of political agenda. I can't say that.
Even though that's all. That's how much crazy is.
Going on here. But what she is suggesting is that you can't just arbitrarily change the facts about the real historical Saint Nicholas who was a white man, even though he was from Greece, which is actually Turkey today, and that white man lives at the North Pole and drives a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. But you can't change
the facts. Of course, the real Saint Nicholas was from a part of the world is now Turkey, and according to forensic scientists who studied research originally commissioned by the Vatican, he probably looked something like this. So who exactly is changing the facts to make themselves more comfortable here actual Saint Nicholas. Well, my guess is there'd be no Christmas if he looked like that, dude, because he's probably still on the no fly list. And then things got really weird.
Jesus was a white man too, But you know, it's like we have he was an historical figure. I mean, that's a verifiable fact.
I'll give you that Jesus was an historical figure. But you're gonna get a little pushback on the white thing. You do know, Jesus wasn't born in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Right.
For more, we're joined by our Senior Christmas, Our Senior Christmas, historical accuracy correspondent Jessica Williams. Jessica, thank you willing to say Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Holaday, Merry merry Christmas.
Well, the big news that I hear out of the whole Jesus is white thing is that Jews are white.
Now, so congratulations, John, But.
You know what about Santa? Do you do you feel Santa is white? What about people insisting that Santa is white?
Oh? John, Santa is white. That's just a fact.
It's Miracle on thirty fourth Street, now miracle on one hundred and thirty fourth Street. The only the only Miracle on one hundred and thirty fourth Street is that we get to participate at all. Half the time, Santa skips us on his way downtown, just like a taxi cab.
Here's the thing.
Santa is fiction. He's not even really Hey man, what the hell are you doing? Hey? Kids, stop crying.
Santa is really smart, and he's really white, he's really white.
No, but Jessica, if we're talking history here, and that is what they're saying, we're talking fact and history. Saint Nicholas was from the area of the world that is now Turkey, he was not some cherubic Wilford Brimley type.
Hey, don't be stupid, John.
A swarthy, Turkish Santa will make people very uncomfortable.
Yes, yes, yes, but that Meghan said, just because you feel uncomfortable, that doesn't mean you should change it.
Oh wait, No, Meghan said, if I feel uncomfortable, there's no need to change it. If white people feel uncomfortable, then we have to change it. And then for tend it's the way it's always been. That's how this became this. It works that way for everything, Like how this becomes this. White people don't want to hear jail house rock from somebody who'd actually been to jail. Real jail is uncomfortable, Elvis jail is fun.
He looked like you were having a great lord.
Right, I mean, John, That's how it was done.
First you fix history, then you lock that down forever in a boat. Sorry, Santa's not black just because some blogger wishes he was, Just like Megan's not black just because she.
Spills her name creatively.
And let's face to John, there is no way this could be Santa.
But what no, very jolly.
Why not because the moment white folks saw black man with a big old bag coming down the chimney every time to grab a gun and stand your ground.
Jessica Williams, thank you so much. Verry Christmas. The Holladay's are coming up, and that means the start of a decade's old tradition, does it? And I went on location to watch it happen. America has had its share of intractable wars, but Fox News has been tracking one forever war.
In particular, it's the War on Christmas, the War on Christmas, the War on Christmas to the War.
On Christmas, and there's no end each sights.
Now it feels like the War on Christmas is coming earlier and earlier every year.
So we came to the Fox News All American Christmas Tree Lighting Show to talk to people about how they're surviving the War on Christmas.
I don't feel like there's a war on Christmas, and I think if there was a war on Christmas, Christmas move win.
Are you familiar with the War on Christmas.
I've heard of.
It, but I don't really think it's actually a thing. So are you serious?
People can't say Merry Christmas anymore.
If I say Merry Christmas, and my neighbor ten times in a row. You look at me like I'm crazy.
Do you think that this tree.
Lighting ceremony is so much smaller this year because Fox lost so much money in the dominion lawsuit.
That's very possible, but I haven't really.
Put a lot of fun in love.
Are you at all worried that they'll be no tree lighting ceremony next year when smart metic comes in and takes the rest of the cat Not really, no, no, no, the hell will people even know it's Christmas? Outside of those Christmas decorations and those Christmas and those.
There's raw fell, there's a Sannah.
Finally, we spoke to some civilians who truly have experienced.
The nug of war.
Fox has talked a lot about how.
There is a war on Christmas.
I think there is.
If I were to say happy Holidays, how would that make you feel?
I might correct you.
Some people talk about saying happy Holidays. Fox is really proud about saying Merry Christmas. They say there's a war on Christmas. There is.
There's a war on Christmas.
I believe we look around you look at all the businesses, looking at corporations that have you know.
Not allowed you to say that.
I think that people are scared to speak up about their Christianity, about their faith.
Sure, there is a war on Christmas. In the group facing the most vitriol for sure are Christians.
I think Christians specifically, yes, right now.
Right now, But it's defending Christmas enough to hook on my saying as nice list or does Saint Nick reconsider when Fox News hosts say things like.
This, I want to say something about Arab Americans. We've had it.
With Okay, so not your nice Someone at boxho said we've had it with them, referencing Eric's in general nice Jesse Waters three in the nice nice category.
Maybe because I'm a New Yorker and pretty, you know, use of stuff, used to stuff now I've been mom, keep been mind.
Yeah, and so that's like led to an irrational hour that yousicly project down to an entire group of people.
Yeah, so we got the five right here. Judge Janine, not.
Your nice, nice nice And I love to judge.
He sees the world, call it that she sees it exactly, that lady knows a way around exactly a bar a bar, not your nice Fox News nice nice, nice nice? Yes, what about when they lied to the American people about the election results. That's naughty, that's not that.
Is we can acknowledge that's naughty.
But overall Fox News nice, Nice, Who makes mistakes, We all make mistakes. Who hasn't threatened the entire nation's trust in democracy for one moment? We finally arrived at the moment to the Claire Mission.
Accomplished on the War on Christmas.
Two one until next year.
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