First Day of Fall: Pumpkin Spice Everything & Fall TV

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Autumn is here, and no one is more excited for the season than our very own Ronni Chang, who shares his joy for everything Autumn in our brand new segments Falling for Fall with Ronnie Chang.

Okay, first off, I don't give a shit about fall. Okay, but the networks that I need to project a more cuddly image or whatever, So I guess I gotta pretend to be excited about fall now, even though it's always the same old bullshit. The only thing that changes is the amount of crap they put pumpkin spice into. And this year, I'm pretty sure the pumpkin spice is rotting everyone's brains.

Here we go again, time for our autumn obsession with all things pumpkin. Pumpkin spice is everywhere, but these days it's not just for lattes anymore.

This morning, you can even buy Get this Pumpkin spice scented toilet paper. People are giving the product great reviews.

You can buy a ten pack of pumpkin spice scented face masks.

Would you actually want that? The description says it gets its fall scent from essential oils.

Yeah, A pumpkin spice face mask. I'll just take the COVID thank you. Who wants pumpkin spice in that nose?

All day long?

When I'm walking around New York, I want to breathe the natural aromas of the city. Howk garbage and urine? And I can't believe people are buying pumpkin spice toilet paper. Why wipe your ass is something that already smells like shit. The only thing more pathetic than buying pumpkin spice toilet paper are the people who give it a review. You don't need to review toilet paper. Okay, does it wipe the poop off your butt?

Yes?

That's five stars? Oh wait, I forgot I'm supposed to be happy. Ooh pumpkin spice hmm, I love it. M smells like mouthless steward zom pit. And here's another thing I love about fall, getting tricked by farmers into doing their jobs.

With a big boost from mom, two year old Lucy picks the perfect apple. Visitors to apple Ridge Orchards in Warwick, New York smiled wide today, hard not to be happy strolling the sixty three acre farm filled with all things we equate with Fall we can't leave out the fresh apple cider and apple cider donuts made on site. We tried to ask two year old Juniper just how delicious they are.

Her response, side eye.

I have never had more respect for a two year old in my life. That kid knows she's not getting shit for Christmas because her parents went broke buying oversized gords. And I can't believe apple picking is a fall tradition. Fruit picking is a job nobody wants nine months of the year, and then suddenly your coss playing as an underpaid farm worker. What's your winter tradition mopping up puke at a hockey arena. We all need to stop pretending we love apple so much. Okay, they're not that good,

You know.

Climate change is gonna end all this shit right we're not even outside right now, it's too hot one a sound stage. This log is fake. This leaves a fake. In ten years is gonna use them in schools to teach kids what trees look like. I'd say that everyone who loves fall should get lost and die, but turns out they love doing that too. It's a giant Cormese.

Take a look at that.

A man in Washington count created all this by himself and transformed part of this Allenport farm into the Howling Hills Cormez.

We give everybody a map when they start, and I wouldn't lose the map.

But if you do get lost, we have.

A drone that will be flying over all.

Day long, so if you need help, we can get you in and out. This tenacor maze consists of winding paths, misleading trails, and some bridges that connect you to different parts of the maze, and if you successfully complete them, you get a free scoop of ice cream.

You spend two hours in a corn maze and all you get is a free scoop of ice cream ice cream. Give me a free IV drip to replenish my fluids. A stream happened, A drone is they're gonna do it? Okay? This is the worst exit strategy since the Afghan War. No thanks. Also, why would anybody willingly enter a corn maze at best, you get murdered by demon children. At worst, you get stuck talking to a baseball ghost. If you want to do a maize so bad, just do the

Global supply I chain issues have caused more shortages, and prices of lots of items have just skyrocketed. Now the availability of pumpkins is apparently plummeting.

Don't be startled if you find a shortage of pumpkins this Halloween season and knowing you might be haunted by higher prices.

That's right.

There might be no pumpkins this year, which means I think this might be the best forever. I can't wait to see all your stupid Instagram pits of Baron Field's assholes not with a label.

Ready for more on the developing Syrian conflicts, we have senior geopolitical correspondence Jordan Kleppa.

Than he.

So good? What are you drinking?

Oh sorry, it's a pumpkin spice, Lotte, I don't understand. Oh sorry, A pumpkin is like a NATO. I know what a pumpkin America.

I don't understand why you're drinking it on the show. I ask you to cover Syria.

Then something happened in Syria.

You mean, sirious, what have you been reporting on?

Well, tever, it's October first, you know I've been reported on the big real news.

Pumpkin flavored products are once again taking over Pumpkin Palooza.

Sales of pumpkin spice products top three hundred and sixty one million dollars last year.

Pumpkin spice lattes.

Pumpkin sandwiches, pumpkin flavored beers, pumpkin marshmallow.

Pumpkin spice sausages, and flavored vodka.

Forty percent of Oz love pumpkin spice anything.

And there's only a three month window to feel that love. After that, it's just the gray death march of spring and summer.

I don't understand this. Children, Syria is exploding and you're wasting time on pumpkin spice.

Okay, no, you're wasting time. The pumpkin spice is blowing up now, Syria is gonna be blowing up all your If you ever had a pumpkin spice latte in June, it tastes like catpiss, but in October it's like your tongue in Thanksgiving while high five and all away. You better get with the pumpkin program because you don't want to end up like this guy.

Lyn Ja Gante actually tried to start a national anti pumpkin Day.

We don't eat Christmas trees, we shouldn't eat pumpkins. Is that what you want?

W want Trevor to spend October not eating pumpkins and spend December not eating Christmas trees. That doesn't even make sense, I think, if you think about it, kind of does.

And who was that guy?

Actually a funny story.

The former hostage negotiator from Charlotte, North Carolina feels as though he's.

Being held hostage by the autumnal squash.

Damn.

A former hostage negotiates a termed anti pumpkin spice activist. How does he even end up there?

This probably not very good at hostage negotiation, you know, yeah, right is probably you can have that licopter.

No, no, you side tracked me back to the news Syria. You know what, Let's go live to the Capitol where we chat to our new senior geopolitical correspondent, Desi Leideck.

Trevor, I'm here in war torn Damascus where Vladimir pumpkins airstrikes.

I'm sorry, did you say Vladimir Pumpkin? Is that pumpkin patch? Even in Syria?

Deasi?

What is happening to my stuff? You wrote pumpkins spice?

Addicts Jordan.

What are you doing?

I'm cool, bro, I'm cool.

Are you slotting pumpkin spice?

What that was going on here?

You know what?

Roy is roy Wood Junior out there. Let's go to roy Wood Junior.

Please, roy Wood Junior, please tell me? Oh no, is that a pumpkin spice latte?

Roy Oh, little drink pumpkin?

Thank god?

This is a sweet potato latte. Oh oh that is gross?

This is insane?

Really really, look, you know whatever, you don't understand. Pumpkin spice comes. But once a year, like Christmas or Jewish Christmas. We Americans cling to these fleeting moments, not knowing if that pumpkin spice donut.

Could be our last.

I guess where you come from. You just don't know what scarcity is.

Randy yep, children, clamp by everyone. We'll be right back.

Now. That old man Winter is knocking at our door. It's time once again, America to fatten up for fall. Nature teaches us the way bears and whales add a layer of fat before cold weather, and so should we. Unfortunately, a whopping twenty five percent of Americans are still not overweight. I'm gonna put you on a three step program to total fatness.

You may have seen some of your skinny friends eating fruit smoothies made from things like strawberries, cantalope, yogurt, and wheat tern. Now you're not gonna eat any of that stuff. What I recommend to maximize your chloric incake is a value meal smoothie. Now, of course, you're gonna start.

With a cheeseburger, side of fries and a large coke. And what's a value meal without a little apple pie ressert. Now, remember you don't want to blend too long.

I like mine extra chunky, perfect.

And remember, just six of these a day, plus a sensible dinner, and you're well on your way to packing them on. Oh god, even smells good.

Oh that's a good burger.

You may be saying, But Ed, I'm a vegetarian. How do I follow your plan without eating red meat? Well, it's simple. Start eating red meat. Be resourceful. Why garnish with calorie free parsley when white castle hamburgers will.

Do the trick.

But there's still something.

Missing that's better.

Exercise. You're not gonna want to do any of that.

Be careful.

Exercise can sneak up on you. My strategy is avoid all body movement. Try the Rascal two thousand. It even has a built in fried chicken bucket holder. Even sleep burns calories, which is why a chocolate milk nocturnal feeding tube. As to your advantage, feeling too full, can't keep stuffing your piehole. Remember, an unsound mind equals an unsound body.

Can consider it spineless, chauvinistic, impotent, totally huh.

Let your diminishing self esteem propel you forward into a crushing mailstrom of despair issues.

With my sexual identity.

Polish the fat will follow. Remember, fattening up for fall takes hard work and dedication, but the results are well worth O.

My way, you know.

For a look at what else is happening in the new fall television season, Why don't we take you out now to Steve Carell and Nancy Walls in Hollywood the new fall TV shows?

Will Keefer Sutherland be the key for five? Well?

Richard Dreyfuss have a close encounter of the ratings.

Kid Jim Belushi.

His name rhymes with sushi, But will you surround his new show with seaweed and then eat it all that?

Plus, Bruce bauks Lightner opens up about his club foot shufflon over Today Wednesday, September twenty six, two thousand and one.

For We Love Showbiz. Hi, I'm Nancy Wallers. That's Steve Carell and we love Showbiz. Well, fall is here and with it the new TV season.

But with all those new shows, how do you know what's great and what's even better? We've got the scoop with a special We Love Showbiz. Get with the program TV programs in the drama category you'll definitely want to tune into Crossing Jordan's starring Jill Hennessy as a coroner who's physically attractive.

Who do you want to be?

Victim nor killer? I'll be the victim.

Wow, finally a coroner I want to have sex with. I mean, look at what she's wearing and she's a coroner. That is such a contradiction of my preconceived notions about coroners.

I'm hooked. I am hooked.

As for comedy, my pick is everything, but if I had to choose one, it would be Inside Schwartz starring Breckenmeier as a sportscaster who gets fantasy advice from imaginary sports figures.

Too many players on the field, illegal use of tongue, loss, a second date.

Wow, that won't get annoying at all.

It's like Rless, but without all the laughs.

Still the we love show. His pick for surefire hit of the season. Take two cups of comedy at a dash of cage and stick, Sprinkle in a few commercial breaks, and you've got Emeral.

Now.

I've talked to my sources at NBC and they assure me that this is one show. Emerald Legassi plays Emerald, a character based on Colorful chef Emerald Legassi. In this scene, the word bress provides an occasion for a double entoned Cajun style.

I made this awesome chicken dish for the last show.

Does anybody want it?

I brand?

Who knows how many nutses that turned it down?

Damn?

Now for a few we love show biz milestones. Happy birthday to Duran Duran lead singer Simon Labon, he turned seventy four today.

And congratulations to Charlie's Angels star Cameron Diaz. She is very attractive.

Now time for a special Fault TV edition of Teta Tet.

On the set.

Richard stars in CBS's new drama The Education of Max Bickford. I recently had the opportunity to sit down with some clips of old Richard Dreyfus movies to talk about the show. Richard Dreyfus, it is a pleasure and an honor to be sitting down with you today.

Thank you.

This is your first foray into network prime time. Tell us a little bit about it. You're playing a teacher, right, that's right. You played mister Holland too. Now that's a lot of teachers.

Are you thinking of a career change? Was this something else your co star is Marcia gay Harden, Yes, who won an oscar for Pollock. Really, if I may, this has been a fan fantastic interview clips of Richard Dreyfus, nice talking.

To you, Thank you.

What a nice guy he really probably is.

We wrap up our fall preview with a quick look at some of the other shows on the new schedule.

Yeah, I can't wait to see that one show.

I hope l A Los Corbyn Bernson is in one.

Oh me too, he is terrific. Well that's all for tonight.

Until next time, you'll see us hoping to see celebrities.

Good night.

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