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New Hampshire.
It's the States always asking Vermont to do something about the weed smell. But today they were the States holding the second Democratic Primary. And because normally the most exciting thing to do in New Hampshire is watched mountains grow, election day gets the people going like nothing else.
After months of campaigning and millions of dollars in TV ads, it all comes down to this. Voters here in New Hampshire already heading to the polls overnight. In New Hampshire, the first votes were cast in the Granite State, as they've done for decades. The tiny town of Dixville Notch went to the polls at midnight.
We were in Exeter, New Hampshire, at the town hall there.
It was beyond capacity.
People have been coming in here all day.
They've been lined up since five am this morning.
They vote for sport here in New Hampshire.
I have voted for Warren Steyer.
Why he's qt No, he seems like he can tackle Trump.
I voted for Bernie.
I voted for Ammy clovershar tell me why I actually.
Went in and eenie meani miney mode it.
You're kidding between literally in the boot in the booth.
Whoa eenie meani miney moe. That's not how you should pick your potential future president, although it is how the president picks his spray.
Tan shade for the day.
And it's like ee meenie miney mo ooh crembouleet sounds fancy, so fancy so. New Hampshire voters spent the day carefully deciding who they want to be the Democratic nominee, but of course none of the votes matter if they aren't counted correctly Iowa.
Luckily, according to state.
Officials, they've got this thing under control.
New Hampshire Secretary of State Bill Gardner. He told us he slept well last night and today's voting will be simple and secure.
Keep it simple, keep the moving pots the smallest number you can.
This be hacked in any way.
It can't hack a pencil.
How many apps do you have involved in this process?
We don't have any apps involved in any the tabulating of the community apps.
No app. It's an app free election. You can guarantee that.
Yeah, you know.
It's funny how a few years ago people were like, guys, we need to vote with our phones.
It's the future.
But now, thanks to the disaster in Iowa, it's like we're going back to how our forefathers did.
It's okay, everyone gets one.
Rock and we put it in a jar.
Yeah, then our slaves count the rocks.
What Oh too far back? Too far? Sorry, sorry, too far back for.
Mall on New Hampshire's big day. We go now to our correspondent who is live in the Granite State right now, Michael cost everybody, Michael, you're on the ground in New Hampshire.
What is the energy like?
Hey, Trevor, I am not gonna lie.
Today has been pretty stressful for the Democratic candidates. In fact, Joe Biden was so tense he gave him self a surprise massage.
Well it makes sense, Costal, because thanks to Iowa, there's so much more writing on this primary.
Well, and not only that, but the candidates have had only a one week to completely change their cultural messaging because Iowa is mostly white people, but New Hampshire is mostly white people.
Cost I don't get the difference. It sounds like both states are just a bunch of white people.
Wow, Trevor, just a bunch of white people. That is so insulting. First off, it's not a bunch. The collective noun for white people is a gluten of white people. And second, white people are not a monolith. We are a rich tapestry of ethnic diversity. Let me show you on my Caucasian color wheel. Okay, Now, see the New Hampshire white people fall here in the eggshell section, while the Iowa whites are all the way over here in the oatmeal cream section.
So that's just basically a blank circle.
White is not blank.
Trevor zero is not nothing, free to go is not innocent of all charges, although you do you do hear that a lot when you're white.
I mean, how would you feel.
If I said there was no difference between black people in South Africa and black people in what's another country with black people? Well, there's this one, this one I never heard of it, but I'm sure this one is a beautiful country.
Okay, look, Costla, I'm not saying there's no difference. I just don't understand how the candidates campaigned differently in New Hampshire versus Iowa.
It's a totally different ballgame. For example, in Iowa, you can say it's great to be here in Iowa, but that's not gonna fly in New Hampshire.
Yeah, are you right? That does seem like a challenge. And then there's the voters. Remember, you're talking to very different groups of people.
Iowan's are rule while New Hampshire rites are not urban. Okay, Iowans are blue collar, but.
New Hampshireians are working class.
Plus, Iowans call it pop and New Hampshire Renos call it soda.
They're basically different planets.
I don't know about that, Michael. A lot of people don't agree with your assessment. For instance, how would you respond to the criticism that these predominantly white states aren't the best states to kick off the primaries because these candidates could be starting in a more representative states of the country like California or Florida.
I hear what you're saying, Trevor, and yes, Iowa and New Hampshire are white.
But hear me up, they're all so boring as hell, Okay, And that's what we want.
We don't want our candidates going to fun states like Florida or California. If you got to spend a year campaigning in Miami, everyone would be running for president. But if you're willing to spend a year eating bland food and sub zero temperatures, pretending to care about how big.
A pumpkin is.
That's how I know you really want to be president, and that's why the road to the White House has to go through here Des Moines, Iowa.
No cost that you're in New Hampshire.
What who cares? These places are all I can say Anyway.
I'm here in New Hampshire, the live free or die state, and right now it's so cold, I feel like dieting. After the DNC shat deved in Iowa's caucuses, New ham here is a real chance to be the first state in the nation to lead the presidential nomination process. I'm here to state capital to find out more cold. The only results out of the Iowa CAUCUSUS was just how bad they blew it.
This is an unmitigated disaster.
It could not be more of a disaster of nightmare, disaster, disaster disaster.
This is the death now.
If it's not the death now, somebody should get fired.
So now the pressure is on New Hampshire to get it right.
All eyes now turn to the New Hampshire primary, but.
It's going to be the most important primary in the cycle.
I searched the state House to make sure the people in child which were heart at work. Hello, what the hell is it anybody? This place was emptier than the DNC's bowels after they shit all over themselves in Iowa. Turns out the governor was calling a very important last minute press conference to explain how New Hampshire is the best at elections. We hadn't really planned for this, so we crashed a pressor TMZ style. Turns out you can get in anywhere with a suit and a camera crew.
You could sense that there was more at stake in this primary than usual.
Our press corsiemsh have grown.
The governor and what appeared to be all the Democratic candidates came out to deliver their remarks. Warren Bernie Yang. This press conference had everything. An old man wandering around clearly confused, a PowerPoint presentation with voting clip art, and of course a guy live streaming this on Facebook for likes.
Thank very much. We're gonna open it up for questions, I think finally.
The Governor of New Hampshire took out questions. After a couple of softballs, I found my chance to ask the only question that Americans actually wanted to know, mister governor, Mister governor, after the thank you, after the disaster in Iowa, are you able to promise the people of New Hampshire and the nation that New Hampshire will not pick this up?
New Hampshire is gonna get it right. We've gone it right for one hundred years. We're gonna keep getting it right.
The Governor's non answer only raised more questions, is the governor, if this goes off with out hitch, how do you plan on gloating to Iowa? Are you willing to go on direcord to say that Iowa sucks and New Hampshire rocks? Can you assure your citizens that your votes will be counted? A list for Burnan? I guess we'll have to wait to get our questions answer just the governor? Who are your voting for?
The governor?
Will New Hampshire be a corn fed cluster fis like Iowa? Only time will tell? But am I excited to get out this freezing political pony show hellhole? I vote yes?
Coming out of the Iowa primary, the big winners were Bernie Sanders, Pete Budajees and anyone who didn't build that shitty app and last night in New Hampshire. Those top two kept them momentum going with.
A win in New Hampshire Senator Bernie Sanders taking control as the Democratic front runner, but not too far behind him Pete Budhajet. Despite winning the popular vote in both Iowa and New Hampshire, Sanders is behind in the overall delegate race by two.
One of the Knight's other big winners Senator Amy Klobishar, who took third place. She capitalized on the moment by reintroducing herself to the country.
Hello America, I'm Amy Klobishar, and I will beat Donald Trump.
Yes.
Last night may have been the best night for Bernie Sanders since he won that free cruise on Noah's Ark Box. New Hampshire's biggest surprise was Amy Clovershaw, who burst into the national spotlight with a third place finish. And the timing couldn't be better for Clobashaw because in many ways, you see the presidential campaigns are like getting drunk at a party, right, you want to peak at the right time.
See the other candidates.
They had their surge last year, which was too early. It's like getting wasted at six pm. Yeah, because by the time the party's really going, you're puking in the bushes like.
I'm so sorry I didn't base myself.
I promise I'll do better in zelth Garrolina. So there's no denying that New Hampshire was great for Amy Klobshar's campaign, and it was also a great night for newspeople who love wordplay.
Senator Amy Klobashar wrote, the clonmentum are you feeling clomentum?
Clomentum is real and she has it a cloba surge.
Cloementum, clmentum, cloementum, clobeew charged clothew surge.
Is there clomentum?
Oh this is fun. I want to try. I want to try.
It's clover ring time.
Yeah.
Yeah, she gave them the old cloperdope. Yeah.
New Hampshire has an outbreak of clonemdia.
All right, I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm done.
I'm done.
She killed it like Cloe J. Simsid. Okay, I'm done, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.
No more, no more, no more, no more. So for Bernie Budajet and Clobashow, New Hampshire was a dream, but unfortunately for some other big name candidates. It turned into a nightmare.
Another major New Hampshire headline. The candidates who fell far behind, including longtime national front runner Joe Biden and Senator Elizabeth Warren, both failed to get enough votes to earn any delegates. Before the race was called, Biden, who placed fifth, was on a plane to South Carolina, which will hold the nation's next primary.
Biden saw the writing on the wall.
He had left even before the polls had closed, live streaming into his campaign's New Hampshire watch party.
Oh, Joe Biden left New Hampshire before the polls we even closed. I mean, I've heard of fans leaving the game early, but you know it's bad when the team leaves early to beat the traffic. The coach is just like, all right, guys, screw the fourth carter, let's just start the bus. I also feel especially bad for Biden supporters. I'll say that, think about it. You came all the way out to see your candidate and then instead all
you get is a video. I imagine you were in like the dentist chair and your doctor pops up on the screen like Aloha from Hawaii. Here are three simple steps to perform your own root canal. So while Biden supporters wept frozen New Hampshire tears, the man himself was already in South Carolina looking toward the future.
Joe Biden spent his night in South Carolina.
His campaign is staking survival on his strength with black voters.
I want y'all thank you a number ninety nine point nine percent. That's the percentage of African American voters who have not yet had a chance to.
Vote in America.
Up till now, we haven't heard from the most commitic constitutes of the Democratic Party, the African American community.
That's right, Joe Biden's campaign has basically become a Medea movie. If black people don't turn up, it's toast. And even though he's desperate, Biden does make a good point.
It is a little weird.
You have to admit.
It is a little weird that the story of the Democratic race has now been written by two states that aren't representative of the Democratic Party. I think about it, two overwhelmingly white states shape who the Democratic nominee will be. Then that's long before minority voters have had their say.
It's almost as if the Democratic Party is having a buffet but then white people get to pick the menu, you know, and if you're black, that sucks because you get there and you're just like, man, what the hell is their raisins and everything? Man?
And who is broccoli?
Rob?
So that's where the race stands off to two primaries, Buddhajees and Bernie on neck and neck, and all the other candidates are hoping for a boost in Nevada and South Carolina. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for us to go away for a commercial break.
Get it, get it, hright, we'll be right back.
Now that you know who won, we want to give you a flavor the excitement up in New Hampshire.
We're gonna go now live to our senior political analyst, Stephen Colbert. Now, Stephen, thanks for joining us. You're actually in Dicksville, Notch, New Hampshire, and that's the town that traditionally casts the first votes of the primary at midnight the night before.
Yes, John, fascinating story behind that tradition.
I can only assume, person of.
All, Stephen, glad to see you're all bundled up. It must it must be awfully called up there.
Oh, yes, John, Oh for a witch's tit with which to warm myself on this historic New Hampshire evening.
So cold you can't even see your breath.
It's to cold, John.
Now, Stephen, do you think this clearly very.
Nasty weather will affect the outcome of the primary?
Oh not really, John, Carrie, Dean Clark, Lieberman. Their people have worked far too hard to let a little cold weather keep them from the polling stations.
And what about Edwards?
His people are pussies, John. Anything below forty degrees they just go back to bed.
Oh lord, it pull up the new Bay.
I'm a hothouse flower whose roots are getting frosted.
Stephen, and talking with people they as I love the voting Bruce.
What's struck you most about the mood of these voters?
I would say the anger, John, Democrats here are very angry.
The president know it.
Me, John, Me and my fellow journalists. You see, locals know that. To those of us in the press corps, New hampshiretes are merely the people whom we ambush outside PTA meetings, extracting sound bites from reluctant dairy farmers whose opinions we will discard like yesterday's bum wipe man on the streeting them in sub zero weather on their way to refill their insolent prescriptions and exit, polling the elderly
for hours. Hours they'll never get back, hours they could have spent loving their grandchildren.
Why do they put up with that?
Oh?
Who knows what's going on in their chowdered heads.
John.
All I do know is every four years these beflanneled granite staters give me the footage I need that I then send to you so that you will send me a check, and that well, I will never repay them.
John, Thank you, Steven, stay warm, Stephen Colbert. In New Hampshire, we're now.
Ready to go public with the results of the New Hampshire primary.
Course.
Can I help it if we're a machine? So let's take a look.
On the Republican side.
Arizona Senator John McCain was the big winner, earning a stunning nineteen percent upset victory.
Over George W.
Bush, thus following in the triumphant footsteps of political dynamos Pat Buchanan and Paul Sungus and now the next President of New Hampshire.
A woman stood up and looked me straight in the eye. It's extremely important, she said, that the next president of the United States always tell me the.
Truth, to which McCain replied, A. I was drunk last night, and B I'm not gonna call you.
Taking the stage with a victorious McCain.
Was his wife's face hovering above a sea of radiant blue. For his part, Bush was quick to dismiss the importance of Tuesday's results.
The road to the Republican nomination and the White House is a long road. Mine will go through all fifty states, and I intended to end at sixteen hundred Pennsylvania Avenue.
Where it's widely believed he will be locked out by whoever lives there.
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