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From New York City, the only city in America. It's the Show, the intention News, It's the Daily Show. That's your host, USUS night.
Let's go, let's go.
Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm your host this week. What's my name? That's right.
It's great to be back for hosting for a second night. Actually, guy, it's kind of like we're in a relationship now. You know, I'm getting pretty comfortable here. Might start taking a dump with the door open. Hell, I might be taking a dunk right now.
You don't no. Anyway, We've got a great show for you tonight. So let's get into some headlines.
Let's kick things off in Congress, where today Republicans were once again trying to pick a new speaker after Kevin Carthy was kicked out and Steve's colise failed and Jim Jordan no sophil and then today they nominated some poor bastard named Tom Emirates. And this dude was their nominee for four.
Hours and then he dropped out.
Martin Scorsese is out here making movies that lasts longer than speaker candidates.
If you saw it.
This afternoon, you missed this dude's entire nomination, and personally I was disappointed. I was looking forward to Tom Ehmer being speaker because my man has one of the illness Zoom games of all time.
The gentleman is recognized for five minutes.
Thank you, madam.
Sure I moved to strike the last week.
Obviously today's gig economy.
I'm out from the last recession.
The author's a job to anyone who wants.
During COVID nineteen, we must make sure that our nations so proprietors and the smallest with small businesses received.
Timely gentiments suspend. I'm sorry, mister Emmer. Yes, are you okay?
Joe? Doesn't he look okay?
They said, I've literiously you never seen anyone look less okay in my life? Like, how does that even happen? Was the laptop upside down? Was he upside down? Like we all used Zoom. That's not even an option in Zoom. He had to code that himself. Like we've been using Zoom for over three years. I've never seen anyone do anything close to this, Like I get embarrassed if I'm muted on Zoom.
This guy's a.
Whole different dimension. Still, he would have made a great speaker, just as long as Congress never had to attach a PDF to an email.
But let's move on to our next story.
It's a little dark, honestly, it might be a little too dark for me to talk about. We know who can talk about it, my ulter egos, my alter ego dark Jesus, Yeah, especial effects budget.
Clearly, let's talk about airplanes.
You know how on the airplane they got that big door to the cockpit and they keep it locked tight.
And no one could get in.
They don't want anyone in there to try to grab the controls, right, so they keep the door locked. And that works unless the guy that wants to crash the plane is already in the cockpit.
And that's what happened here this morning.
The off duty pilot accused of trying to take down a passenger plane heading to court to face more than one hundred charges, including eighty three counts of attempted murder forty four year old Joseph Emerson allegedly trying to crash an Alaska Airlines flight from Everett, Washington to San Francisco on Sunday with eighty four people on board.
But we've got the guy that tried to shut into down.
The cockfit Emerson sitting in the jump seat of the Embreyer E one to seventy five cockpit, situated right behind this instrument console between the captain and co pilot. According to a federal official, he allegedly tried to pull the engine fire extinguisher handles located right here, before being subdued by the flight crew.
Hold on, wait, why is there a handle that crashes a plane? Who act for that? And then also why.
Did the news very explicitly show us where this handle is? They were like, he pulled this lever, No, not that one. That one over there, the big one on the left. You have to pull it hard, though, and in order to get in the cockpit use code two seven one three that works for all planes. All right, but listen, it's high for some financial news. The Daily Show is a serious show. I know some people expect me to come out here and do my thing writer just roast people by that I have beeflip.
But this is a serious show.
There's a serious chair, serious desk, and now I'm going to give you some important financial news so important I have to put on my spectacles. I report on this serious financial news.
Popular radio host DJ Envy now distancing himself from an alleged multimillion dollar fraud scheme.
Not dj Envious, that was never on my radar.
Go on Federal agents arresting his longtime friend and one time business partner, Caesar Pinia on charges of wire fraud, accusing him of a Ponzi like real estate scheme that allegedly defrauded investors out of millions. Pinya often appeared on The Breakfast Club, a top twenty iHeartRadio show with millions of listeners and YouTube subscribers to promote real estate investment.
He also held seminars and created YouTube videos with Djenvy has not been charged in connection with the case, but many of the alleged victims say they were influenced by his celebrity status.
Wow, dj Envy is in trouble for real estate fraud.
What a serious story. It's definitely not funny. There's certainly nothing personal that makes it funny to me. It's not like Rashaan accosted me on the radio for making a little joke about him and his wife, which I only thought.
We were friends.
It's not like you called me dickhead and then got so mad he locked himself in the studio for the rest of the show and then told the building security I was a threat.
But even if that happened, that's all in the past.
I'm just reading the news.
Listen, and apparently the news is DJ Envy might go to jail for an alleged Ponzi scheme flipping houses in New Jersey.
That's not hilarious. It's tragic because he's just a DJ.
I mean, there's no way he could have known he might have been involved in a Ponzi scheme.
Right when I first got into real estate, I called three people. I called Clue, I called Fabulous, I called Joe Button. Joe Button told me it was a Ponzi scheme and I was gonna go to jail.
That clip is not funny. We are not laughing at this. We're also not asking who's a dickhead?
Now. I'm being serious. Look at these spectacles. This could have happened to anybody.
Whenever I'm doing financial transactions, I also get advice from Joe Button, Fabulous and DJ Clue. Everybody knows that the Lehman Brothers of hip hop, and look, I don't want Envy to go to prison. I mean, imagine getting locked up for one of the corniest crimes in hip hop history. This is a property brothers ass crime. Forget the bloods.
He's gonna have to join the house hunters. But again, I'm just doing the news, and the news is that DJ Envy is a DJ, a man who turns tables, and now the tables have turned.
From more on this elected crime. Let's go to one of these elected.
To properties with Dulce Sloan do say so?
Say you gotta still sorry for these people that lost all.
That money, Don't listen. I feel bad for ugly people. I feel bad for orphans who can't sing. But these people gave their money.
To a DJ.
You can't trust a DJ with money. You can barely trust the DJ to DJ. He should be flipping records, not houses.
And I should know.
I went on a date with a DJ because who hasn't. And he gave me the check and I asked if he was gonna pay, and he said, sorry, I don't take requests.
I hear you.
People got to keep their money where it's safe, like banks and other investments.
What now Wall Street is gonna mess your money? Up worse than anybody. Bank of America stealing money, Silicon Valley Bank collapse, Golden Sacks. Guess what their CEO does on the side, he's a DJ.
Good word.
No, you can't trust Wall Street. They screw you over and it's legal. So what am I supposed to do with my money? Then?
Oh it's easy, friend, you leave your money at the Bank of duel Se or Elbanco that doul sa a. I tell mundo, listen, I'll offer you a safe place for any of your financial deposits.
Okay, Well, what interest rates are you offering?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, none of that. I'm
No?
gonna keep it under my mattress, just like my grandma, who's also a head of security.
One hundred percent safe. And you're not gonna spend my money, right.
I'm gonna spend some of your money because I'm taking on all the risk.
What risk?
What you mean?
I'm putting the bank in my house. It's risky as hell.
So maybe you'll lose a little bit, but not as much as you lose with DJ Envy.
Come on, money on your mattress? Do you even have fd I C insurance?
Oh?
Trust me, I f some d I c on that mattress all the time.
Let me take a rider, don't take sun.
Everybody who is watching the Golden batser, so don't go away.
You're yo, Welcome back to the daily.
So sometimes news falls through the cracks. When that happens, Lewis black Cats is it for a segment we call back.
In black.
Getting old isn't fun. My back hurts, My mind sucks. There's some perts to aging, but I can't remember them. I guess one of the upsides is is that I can get away with shoplifting. If I get caught, I just do the Mitch McConnell thing and pretend my brain's leaking out of my ears. But recently, old people have an even better thing to enjoy.
Get ready for a bit of a spin on ABC's long running show The Bachelor. This time around, it's a seventy one year old man looking for love.
It's a new twist on a classic show. After twenty years of The Bachelor on ABC, seventy one year old Gary Turner is the first Golden Bachelor. Twenty two women aged sixty and older will step into the spotlight, hoping to find love with the Golden Bachelor.
He's Gary, and I'm your first Golden Bachelor.
Finally a dating show where all the contestants are just like me, old and willing to degrade themselves on camera. Now, if you're wondering if he's one of those cool old guys, he's not.
None of us are.
Gary Turner revealed how it's been getting back in the dating game.
I've had to learn a few lessons. My granddaughters have been helpful. I had to bone up on some of the emojis and some of the more trendy words that are used right now.
I feel you, Gary, There's a lot of news slang out there, but it's pretty simple. Cringe means awkward, mid means mediocre, and riz is something I got from a hooker in the eighties. Don't worry, Penicilin cleared that riz right up.
And emojis are easy.
Gary, This means penis, This means penis, This means penis. This is a guy getting a haircut, although I use it to mean penis. Now, I'll be honest. As an older gentleman in my well, let's say forties, it is nice to see a TV show that really nails senior dating. I can't tell you how often I'm going on horseback rides, taking trips in hot air balloons, and forcing women to play pickleball to impress me. Seriously, pickleball, pickleball.
Really. My only problem with the.
Show is the guy they chose to be the Golden Bachelor.
Well, he's a schmuck.
I'm fired up today I get to play pickleball. Every door that opened was like the best Christmas ever. You don't stop believing that.
To stop believing.
But I like to dance, okay, come yeah, Oh come on, you're so good already.
What do you say to guys that have only known you a very short time to tell you you're a really sexy woman?
Oh? Oh christ?
This guy is is like if the word g Willickers became a person. Seriously, Gary, stop talking about your emotions. We're boomers, you dickhead. Just get drunk and wonder where your life went wrong. In silence, dignified silence. I'm talking to you, Gary, and I do have to give credit to this show. The Golden Bachelor is proof that people of any age can be milked for drama.
He's gonna send you home. I want to bring the little one's neck in her mind, Gary is heard. We are giving a little bit jealous.
People aren't necessarily very nice.
You made it something, you chose me.
I just don't have the connection that I did.
I'm Cory.
Oh, who is this happening?
What the is this?
To quote Mitch McConnell, this show is beyond disturbing the Golden Bachelor.
I'd rather watch a gold golden shower.
Really seriously, that's the reaction is kind of a whiney reaction.
Are you serious?
Golden Bachelor sets up golden shower?
You've served none that before you even.
Came in here. Well, at least those people are having fun. My generation is a bunch of idiots, but we don't need to prove it again, not on prime time. And the scary thing is this show could be my future? Is this where I end up when my Daily Show
contract finally runs out in twenty forty five. It certainly has good ratings, which means we could be getting more reality TV spinoffs like The Amazing Race, The Walk to the Mailbox or Master Chef Senior Foods You Can Come or naked and afraid and suffering from dementia, And of course survivor, well maybe until Thursday. My point is, we don't need a show that makes old people look cool and happy. Any old person who tells you these are the best years of their lives needs to be institutionalized.
And if they're going to make ten more seasons of this shit, they're gonna need to legalize euthanasia.
Jesus, thank you, Lewis my God.
We come back. Yeah, manaf I'm ringing, y'all. He's turning out, So don't.
Get away, die, don't go there. Welcome back to the Daily Show.
My guest tonight is the best selling author whose ladies book Chang Gang also is the finalist for the National Book Award.
Please welcome my man, Nana quamin A Bren.
Y'all.
Okay, okay, now, full disclosure. You currently reside in what Borough the Bronze. Yes, okay, I'm only.
Telling y'all because if you see the Drip, you'd wonder. Okay, your first novel, tell us about it because it's super popular.
Everyone.
I'm telling to everyone I talked to. I was saying, I'm having you on the show.
Everyone. I read that book already, so what I'm missing on Thank you? I appreciate it.
So my first novel is about an imagined future in which convicted wards of state can opt out of a sentence of at least twenty five years and participate in death matches. So it's really about abolition the prison system, but in a fun way.
So basically, incarcerated people can fight to the death to become free.
They become gladiators and they're fighting for their freedom.
Yeah.
Yeah, don't give Eric Adams that idea.
Man, I'm.
Valid.
This is a satirical book, Eric Adams.
Please.
Is it hard to write a dystopian novel because we're kind of living in a dytopian novel right now.
Bro, It is crazy to see it.
I started this book about seven years ago, almost eight years ago, and in the process of writing it, you, I sort of watched the world become more and more aware of some of the things I was thinking about because it was becoming more and more true. We're seeing just how heinous the system was in so many different ways, and so it's it's difficult, but also makes me feel like, you know, maybe I'm doing something that needs to be done.
Got you and now in your book it's a for profit prison system. Yeah, just kind of similar to all the NFL.
Do you see any parallels?
Yes, well, no, I mean I think that in general, our sort of consumer culture, where we have this idea where people's bodies are things for us to be entertained by. H we've gotten really comfortable just viewing humans as a means to an end, you know, or outside of it being a means in and of themselves. So I think the NFL is particularly heinous. I think, like that's like the Big Junger DoD of evil white men telling black
bodies to go hurt yourself. But but I think that paradigm exists in a lot of other places.
Too, Got You, Got You?
And in this book, your protagonist is a black woman. Yes, was that a conscious choice?
Absolutely?
It was.
I think that there's a particular way in which the black women can be both respected but also disrespected in the same breath. I think if you think about Serena Williams, both Serena Williams and the bron for example, understand a particular way of existing in the world. But I think Serena understands something that's particular to her, which is always being sort of like disrespected or reduced to sexuality, her image, and so many other type of little weird little jabs
that they give her. I think that that intersection of being a woman, being an athlete, being someone who's in the eye of the public, all those things from important for this book, and so it made sense for the protagonist to be a woman.
That makes sense, Okay.
I recently hosted the gala for the Bronx Defenders from their public Defenders in the Bronx.
He's the name, but your father is also a defense attorney. Yep, he was. Did that affect your view on the just criminal justice? It absolutely absolutely did.
He told me about how he was in the middle of defending someone who had committed a murder, gotcha. And I remember then being like, dang, Like, okay, I guess my father's a villain. He's a bad guy, and I him telling me it's not that simple, And just in that little moment, I was probably like eleven tennis, A little seed was planned.
That I think is a big part of how this book.
Can to be.
How satisfying does it feel to actually complete your first book?
Oh my god, it's it's the biggest reward, to be honest. The day where I sent it in and it was like done, done, done done. It's bigger than any reward I can get. So I'm just grateful it's out there. I'm grateful people are reading, and I'm grateful people are thinking about the prison system and how we can maybe be more compassionate.
So that's really the big gift.
Okay, this might be a little disrespectful to you, Mary kill, Tony Morrison or Neil Hurston, James Baldwin.
My English teach is gonna kill me.
Tony's the god, so I want to marry her, and then I feel bad to even say it. Joor Neil Hurston and I would.
Have some relations. Be right back.
That's our folk for tonight.
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