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This It's the Daily Show with your whole Daisy Lighted, Well, I'm Jessie Lightning.
Well, it's night too, and so far I've outlasted Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon. All I had to do was not harass anyone. That camera guy knows what I'm talking about. Give us a give us a little twirl, honey. Yeah, we got a great show for you tonight. So let's get into the headlines. Let's begin with some shocking news about the twenty twenty four presidential election. It turns out that the guy who has spent his whole life wanting to be president now wants to continue being president.
We do have real breaking news this morning, as President Biden is officially announcing he is running for reelection. The President launched his campaign with a video that took aim at Republicans over abortion, social security, and culture wars.
When I ran for president four years ago, I said, We're in a battle for the soul of America, and we still are. This is not a time to be complacent. That's why I'm running for reelection.
That's right, Joe Biden is running for reelection, well, not running exactly. The man is eighty years old. Let's say he's stairlifting for reelection.
Yeah, if Joe.
If Joe Biden does win, he would be eighty six years old when he reaches the end of his second term, hopefully, which is one reason my seventy percent of Americans don't think he should run again. And to be fair, eighty six is old, not just for a president but for any job. If my lift driver rolled up and was eighty six years old, I'd be like, do you need
health getting home? But I don't know. Maybe it would be good to have an old man president, you know, if the economy collapses, he could just find never ending supply of quarters behind your ear. But there is one thing Joe Biden has going for him, Donald Trump. Shockingly, polls show that most people don't want him to run either. And in Trump's case, it's only partly about his age. It's also about his tendency to steal stuff like classified
documents and the election. Not to mention, this guy's in court every other week, hush money, tax money. He has a new trial starting in New York today, and you barely even knew about it. Trump is in so many different types of legal trouble. He can be in every spinoff of Law and Order. A guy's going for a crime, egot. So those are America's choices, a guy who's in his eightieth year of life and a guy who's facing eighty
years to life. It's guts, but unfortunately America only has two people, although there is one other person who suddenly has a lot of time on his hands. Tucker Carlson. Yeah, yesterday Carlson got fired from his job at Fox News, and it was a huge surprise to everyone, including Tucker. Apparently they only told him ten minutes before announcing it publicly, which is so cold. That's barely enough time to pack up all his Nazi memorabilia, not to mention, he was
Fox's most popular anchor and they still fired him. That'd be like if MSNBC fired well, imagine if there was a show people watched on MSNBC, it would be like firing them. And look, I know people love making fun of Tucker, but just put yourself in his shoes, say you're this massive piece of shit with no real friends, and you got to giggle like a tickle me Elmo and a dumb, floppy haircut, and you always have your
mouth hanging open like you're dry in your teeth. I forgot where I was going with this, So Tucker's an asshole.
Now.
We still don't know exactly what got Tucker fired. Maybe it was election liies that cos Fox News seven hundred and eighty seven million dollars. Maybe it was insulting his bosses in private texts. Maybe it was his overall vibe of creepy dad driving the babysitter home. Or maybe it was this.
The Daily Beast reports that Tucker's repeated use of the sea word was a key factor in his demise. According to text messages from the dominion lawsuit, Tucker referred to Trump lawyer Sidney Powell as the sea word, and a former producer at his show alleges she heard the word around the office constantly.
Female politicians who came on the show were mocked. There were debates about who they'd rather sleep with seaword all the time? They use the sea word all the time, Like, how do you use the sea word at the office all the time? Oh, Susan's taking launch orders. Tell them I'll just have a salad hold the cop. You know what, do you want to share a cup for the audience at home. I know that just got bleeped. I just said the word cut, but you know what, you know what,
It's okay. Tucker's allowed to say the C word because he is one. But enough about the vaccine skeptical white guy facing a sudden career move. Let's talk about Aaron Rodgers. After eighteen years playing for the Green Bay Packers, Rogers has decided to change teams, and because he's Aaron Rodgers, he did it in the weirdest way possible. Big news from the NFL four time MVP. Aaron Rodgers is packing his bags from Green Bay to join the New York Jets.
Last year a down year by Rogers standards that he missed the playoffs and if you saw Rogers walk off the field after the regular season finale, you might have thought that was it for his career. But then in the off season he went on a darkness meditation retreat to contemplate his future. He says he was leaning toward retirement when he went in. He decided he wanted to play for the Jets.
When he came.
Out, Yeah, Aaron Rodgers is like, I no longer fear darkness, trade me to the jets. So yes, Aaron Rodgers decided to go to the jets after spending four days in complete darkness, which, first of all, you can just close your eyes. But also, this guy does ayahuasca, and I got to say, I don't think it's working. Imagine taking a substance that opens your mind to the deepest mysteries of the universe and you come out going, WHOA, I should do the same job but in a different city.
All seems like such a waste of time. He's doing all this weird stuff. His poor brain is probably like, can we just go back to concussions? And speaking of illegal drugs, let's move on to our final story, the battle over abortion pills. Two weeks ago, a judge in Texas banned the abortion pill nationwide for safety reasons because even though women have used it safely for over two decades, he's a man, and I guess he just knows better now.
Thank god, the Supreme Court has temporarily halted that decision, at least until Clarence Thomas comes back from his all expenses paid cruise. But that doesn't stop individual states from enacting their own bands, and over a dozen states already have, including Wyoming, which bans both mifipristone and a second abortion pill, misoprostol. But we looked into it and it turns out it's
not a ban for everyone. You can still get my supposedtyl in Wyoming as long as you're a dog or a cat or a horse, because veterinarians in Wyoming can still prescribe the pill for animals, which means if you're a woman in Wyoming whose rights are being restricted, you might need to get creative. Good girl, I'm your mommy. Hi, you must be Dazzi. Thank you so much for seeing me her my girl Waffles of course, and what can we do for Waffles today? Waffles was wondering if you
could write a prescription for the abortion pill. Okay, when did your dog become pregnant two weeks ago? Apparently? Thank you. It's just not really a great time for her, you know, she's really trying to focus on her career. Oh, I see, And what does she do for a living. She's a sled dog. She's a sled dog. She's a sled dog. Yeah, and she's also a bomb sniffing dog. And as you know, pregnancy really messes with the old factory organs.
No, that's not a thing.
But mostly she's a therapy dog, aren't you Ruffles? I thought you said her name was Waffle. It's just so crazy that this would happen right now because she always uses protection. Oh you mean she's fenced in. Oh, she's fenced in, all right, it's like breakers down there. Dogs are so expensive. Do you know how expensive dogs are? I do. I'm actually a veterinarian. There's dog food, there's doggy daycare, there's doggy Taekwondo lessons, there's doggy diapers, and
then there's doggy college. And that's just the first eighteen years. Those dogs don't live that long.
But she already has two puppies at home and they are sucking the life out of her, quite literally. And this is her wing say, this is her decision, and that's why these pills exist. So please give her the pills, please, and thank you?
Did I say please?
It's okay.
She doesn't have to explain herself. We can prescribe abortion pills for your dog. Hey, that's my dog. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know how I happened anyway, it's something here.
Could you prescribe an abortion pill, you know, for my dog?
Yeah? What's your name?
I mean her name?
My interview was Transportation Secretary Pete Buddha Judge.
Don't go away, welcome back to.
The Daily Judge.
That's a basic, bitch. One of my favorite interests is travel. It's right after living, laughing and loving. So when I had the opportunity to interview Transportation Secretary Pete Buddha Judge, I took it. Check out my interview with him at the DOT Operations Center. I'm so sorry, Secretary Boodha, Judge, thank you so much. I apologize for being late. I took amtrak. Okay, Secretary Buddha Judge. We are here at the Department of Transportation, which is the hub, the central
nervous system of America's infrastructure. Yet America is a divided nation. So how do you bring us all together with projects that literally bring us together?
Well, I think everybody loves a good transportation project, you know, even though not everyone voted for the Infrastructure Law, I have yet to meet anybody who is upset when we're fixing an airport terminal, upgrading a bridge, so that we can have a better, safer, more convenient experience getting around this country.
What have been the biggest accomplishments at the DOT since you took over?
So when we got here, First of all, the biggest question back in twenty twenty one about our airlines was whether they were going to go out of business. But then as the demand returned, we started finding new tools to hold those airlines accountable for how they treat passengers.
What are some of the areas that you think that the DOT could improve upon, Like have you hit any roadblocks?
See what you did there?
Thank you.
You know, we're doing a lot right now to hold freight railroad companies accountable for their safety practices. But right now the fines are act. For example, if we catch a railroad company in an egregious violation involving hazardous material to get somebody killed, the highest toughest fine under the law that we can assess, it's about two hundred and
fifty thousand dollars. That is not enough in my view to get the attention of a multi billion dollar railroad company like in Norfolk, Southern Right now, there's a bipartisan proposal in the Senate. It's called the Railway Safety Act, and it would do a number of things that I've been calling for that I think would make a big difference. You know, right now we're dealing with some not all, but some Republicans on Capitol Hill who are saying, well, we don't want to do too much too fast when
it comes to getting tough on the railroad companies. In my view, we need to act now.
Why do you think some Republicans are stalling on this? Is it because they're too busy focused on starting culture wars.
Well, I do think the culture wars are getting in the way sometimes. I mean, just the other day, I was testifying in the Appropriation Subcommittee explaining how our budget was going to help with things like railroad safety, air traffic control, and other transportation needs, and we had to take a break so that they could all go and vote on a bill to kick transgender teenagers off of sports teams. That was the priority for the House GOP that day. So these things really are getting in the
way of our ability to get work done. We're literally building bridges and they're literally banning books.
Is the Department of Transportation going woke?
I don't think it's woke. To build good infrastructure. I just saw Fox News taking a run of me for the work that we're doing on safety, including the use of crash test dummies that simulate men, women, and children. And somehow this is considered a woke priority to have female crash test dummies, even though not something that's been around for a very long time.
Fox News has made loads of false statements about you over the years. What do you think you think it's lawsuit time cash in on some of that seven hundred and eighty seven million coin.
It does sound like there's a lot of money in it, but probably be a bit of a distraction.
In my case, possibly, But you know, I mean it could help fund some of these projects.
Yeah, I think I'd prefer to go through the appropriations process. But the amount of money in that lawsuit is as much as some of our nationwide transportation infrastructure programs.
Oh yeah, I mean that could repair at least hundreds of feet a tunnel.
It's depending on the tunnel.
Yeah, Secretary of Booty Judge, thank you for chatting with us, Thanks for joining us real quick before I go, can I just get a quick reimbursement for the train that I took out here. I was literally on the train for about twelve hours straight, sorry to hear that. And this was the Acella. This was like the best train that America has to offer. So if I can just get a little refund, you're.
Gonna have to take that up with Amtrak.
Okay, so you'll turn it in.
You know, sure, happy to set it along for you.
Yeah, thank you. I think it could use your stamp of approval.
We aren't actually used stamps anymore here.
Oh hey, thanks for looking up. Thank you, secretary. It really was an honor. Thank you so much.
Appreciate enjoy the trip.
Oh this is incredible. Do you mind if I just take a spin around.
You're welcome to look around a little bit, okay, great? Or I could just describe things to you.
It's okay. I'll just sneak into some of these desks. What does this do? Well? Please don't touch that.
This don't touch you or really any of any of that. Yeah, just just yeah, just.
A little operators, How do I turn this on again?
Please?
Don't touch that?
What you doing over here? Can I borrow your badge?
No?
Just quick, I'll give it back. It was fun when.
We come back event Nicole Brown will be joining me on the show, So don't go away.
Welcome back to the.
Day shown yet tonight. Is an Emmy nominated actor whose new Apple TV Plus show is called Frog and Toad. Please welcome event. Nicole Brown.
Well, well, well, yes, I feel like I need to do that. That video of Paul Rudgin, look at us.
Look at us? Would you ever thought look at us? You evet, you have this incredible quality of walking into a room and lighting the place. You do? You really know you? You meant so much warmth and joy? What is your secret? Is it not reading the news? If it pills edibles? Did I get in on them?
It is legally in California.
You know what.
I'm determined to not let what's happening in the world destroy me, and I don't want to be the problem. So I'm trying to always come in and make things a little bit better because it's tough out there, y'all know, Oh.
Yeah, we know, we know. They know well that, I mean, that's kind of what your show is about. I mean, Frog and Toad is all about celebrating each other's differences, which feels like something that's very needed right now.
Yeah, you know, we're in a tough time as a nation. I think and listen, you guys. If you follow me on Twitter, I'm no longer verified, but it's me.
And if you don't, you should because she's fantastic.
But I like to throw elbows, and I think it's important when you have a platform to use it for good. And so it's important to remind people that it's okay to be different, just like Frog and Toad said, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. So I'm saying people on that.
And so you're saying that there's there's a possibility that the show isn't just for children.
Oh absolutely, it's it's this is what I love about Apple TV plus in general. I do another show on there called Shape Island. They have the shows that are animated that look like they're just for kids, and they will work perfectly for the children, but there's always like a little tidbit of something good to remind you that this is something you can learn from too. So Frogin told us like that, and who's who's old like me?
And hear anybody read the books when they were babies? Yeah, and so this is this was a book series that taught me how to read. It was one of the book series that I read when I was a kid. It taught me how to read, and so it's good for that. And I know it may be banned somewhere because it's too fair.
It's just cra you know.
Yeah, but it's an important it's an important story about understanding that differences make us special, not that they don't have to pull us apart.
I feel like it's a very good series for grown men to watch about helping maybe healthy grown white men Republican Maybe right, I'm watching healthy male relationships shift. Does that have to be angry and gunplay? No? Not always. Yeah. My son is seven years old and he is a huge fan of the book series. It's one of the first books that he actually read. He asked, he wrote a question that he like, Yes, he would like to He has a question about frog and Toad. Uh, frog
and Toad gay? He asked it listen.
Perhaps it was a different time when Arnold Lobel wrote these books, and we found out later that it was his way of working through some things that he was trying to figure out where the world said he couldn't be who he wanted to be. He wrote Frog and Toad so he could experience and show love in a way that he couldn't in real life. And so it works as a friendship and it also works as a tender love story with amphibians.
It works.
But that's way to the viewers, mean you can't what you need? Yeah, he's what you need on the Room for it all? Do you want to tell everybody how we know each other? Oh, we do know each other. We worked together several years ago, or the baby before the baby eight seven or eight years ago, a whole other life. We worked together in a show called The Odd Couple. They not the original, We're not that, We're not that the reboot. And you were so funny on the show.
This is your moment. You were so funny on the show.
I had like five lines that I played in Tectomania really tracks.
A lot of people have five lines, but they don't shine the way you shined. And then you went right from that and you came to the Daily Show, and you've been amazing and I'm so happy that I get to be here with you and get to celebrate this this new moment for you on this show. You are so genius and I adore you.
I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say something about you working on that project. You know that was a series regular on this show. And when you walk in as a guest star, you don't know anybody, You don't know where to put your hands, you don't know where to eat lunch. And you took me under your wing. You introduced me to everybody. You made sure that I had someone to sit and eat with. And I will never forget that goodness.
It was my pleasure.
And this is the thing. When you've come on a show, it's your home.
Someone is coming into your house, and you wouldn't let someone in your house and not tell them what a bathroom is and where to eat. You did the same thing for me when I came here. She came to my little dressing room. It said to need anything. She got me some double stick tape so I don't come out this shirt.
It was my pleasure. Baby. I appreciate that you are not just on frogging Toad. You're in everything. But you're also in one of my new favorite shows called Act Your Age.
Act Your Age. You guys seen you, you gotta see it.
It is today. I see there's a couple of you love that. You need to watch this show.
Okay, listen, guys, it is if anybody heard of the Golden Girls. Okay, and young people don't don't do that now. Gold Girl's a great show. Our show is called Act Your Age and it is literally like a golden brown Girl. So imagine women of a certain age with a little more melling it. But it's not just for us, you guys, it's for everybody, men, women, old, young. When I was twelve, watching The Golden Girls just told my age. I wasn't a retiree from Florida, a white retiree, but I still
saw the humanity in those women. And you'll find the same thing if you turn to Bounce TV and watch at your Age.
It is so funny. It's you, It's it's Campbell, Kim Whitley. All three of you are leads on the show. You have great storylines. It is so funny, and they're your friends, rights.
Your life and you guys, you guys watched Martin, You've seen My Wife and Kids. That's Tsha's show. And Kim as a comedian that has been on everything. This is the first time we got to lead a show because we're always black. Actresses are always like the meter maid, the best friend, the office assistant. And this time it's our stories and we're driving every episode and it's been an amazing experience.
And it's the highly rated show on Bound.
It has a lot right now. We took a little break because apparently something called the NBA and people are playing games or something like.
That, but we've never heard of it. I don't want to, but I don't do it. That don't like football either, work.
Yeah, I don't know what that is football.
But it'll be back.
We'll be back in June and we'll have nine more new episodes. You have time to catch up, you guys, Bounce TV. Please watch us.
I am I have to ask you, yes, watch that. I got to ask you a political question. You are very outspoken. You're an outspoken Democrat. You supported Biden. Biden just announced. Are you booking hotel rooms in New Hampshire?
This is what I want to say about the situation. We have a great president who has done a lot for us. If we had the Senate and the House, he could have done even more. So what you need to do right now instead of worrying about should he be running wisely running. Just get people registered and vote for as many Democrats as you can. You guys, is listen, we've already lost the right to choose. We can't read books,
libraries are being defunded. They are doing a lot of really crazy things to make life hard for all of us. And if you remember this, the infrastructure bill that Biden passed, all of them voted against it. And every time they need a bridge or something in their city, they're taking the money. So understand that they say one thing and they do another. Biden's our guy, stay behind and let's go.
When are you running for fresh flight?
Vote?
Notice?
Do you know I used to think that you had to be really smart to be president?
Well, there's no mesnore.
Yeah.
I used to really feel like it's I wasn't worthy of it. There were these I grew up Jimmy Carter was my first president, So I grew up under that level of decency and kindness, and so the idea that someone like Donald Trump could become president.
Just just oh.
So I would never say never, because I now know that we need decency in there more than we need maybe the smartest person. But it kind of be great if you could do both, and I think I got a little bit of that, but I'm not saying I would ever, righty.
But if you decide to, you'll come back on that, so nearly.
I would come and announce it here. Absolutely Yes, Rog.
And Tom premiers April Corniers on Apple TV's Plus. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be back right after this. That's our show for tonight. Before we go, please consider supporting the bridget Alliance. They provide travel, lodging, and other logistical support for people who need abortions, so if you can, please donate to the link below.
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