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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central's America's only sorts for news. This is the Daily Joke with your.
Hosts Rommie Film. Hey, welcome to the Daily Show. I'm right, Chang, you got so much to talk about.
Tonight, Donald Trump tells the I to GTFO, the Constitution lives to see another day. And that's finally a good reason not to get a face tattoo. So let's get into another edition of the Second Coming of Donald J.
Trump. I'm gonna comedy.
It's almost the end of Trump's first week in office, and he's done a lot. He's shut down windmills, He's saved TikTok, he caught common San Diego, and the man just can't stop, won't stop. On Monday, he wiped out all federal DII programs, and yesterday he ordered that if anyone, anyone, if you see anyone trying to be inclusive, you better tell teacher.
The Trump administration asking federal workers to snitch on their coworkers in a.
Rollback of diversity, equity and inclusion programs.
Employees have been told to report any colleagues who work in diversity equity and inclusion roles, or they could face consequences. NBC News obtained emails sent to multiple agencies that say some of these programs are disguised using coded or imprecise language.
Yeah you hear that.
Don't even think about doing DII in secret, right, don't be meeting up in back alleys like yo, yo, you gotta.
Need lesbian resumes for me today.
And I know you think d I was only invented in twenty twenty by Democrats looking for a fresh new way to lose elections. But Donald Trump is dedicated to rooting out DEI all throughout history.
One of the president's executive orders revokes an executive order signed by President Lyndon Johnson in nineteen sixty five that the Trump administration says mandated affirmative action.
That's right, Donald Trump went back in time to kill BABYDI. It's kind of impressive that he got this much focus. Trump is doing deep dives into these obscure old policies like he's magot John Oliver, And look, I'm not going to pretend to know more about civil rights law than Donald Trump. I mean, he's been sued over it many times. But if a discrimination law has been around since nineteen sixty five. It might be a load bearing civil rights thing, so maybe don't touch it. But DEI is not the
only thing Trump is shutting down. He's also shutting down illegal immigration. In fact, it was probably the biggest thing he talked about during the campaign, aside from Arnold Palmer's penis, which is actually a thing that happened. But today Trump faced his first.
Setback breaking news out of Seattle, a federal judge has just temporarily blocked President Trump's order attempting to end birthrights citizenship.
The judge in this case is saying that they have been on the bench for over four decades. And this is a quote from the judge inside the courtroom. I can't remember another case where the question presented is as clear as this one. This is a blatantly unconstitutional order.
Whoa whoa whoao?
What does the Constitution have to do with this? The Constitution is for gun stuff. Okay, Who died to make this woke activist a judge?
Huh? Oh? Ronald Reagan, that liberal cuck.
This judge, This judge has been judging for four decades and has never seen something. And I quote so blatantly unconstitutional. I mean, that's like the judge equivalent of a Kendrick distrack, Like all the other judges.
Were like, oh shit, sweet concur.
Usually the judge says this is a constitutional or unconstitutional okay, but this is like next level unconstitutional. This is like if you took a pregnancy test and it said you are the least pregnant anyone's ever been in forty years. But Trump doesn't expect all these executive orders to pass legal scrutiny. He's signing those things the way like guys swipe right on every Tinder profile. Okay, yo, he just needs one or two to hit, and that's the weekend baby.
The point is Trump is gonna try whatever he can to shut the border down. And last night Trump sat down for some conversation and light man spreading with Sean Hannity to explain why.
In an Oval office sit down last night, President Trump repeated false claims other countries are sending their prisoners.
They've emptied dead jails. I would if I were the president or prime minister or something of another country, I'd empty my jails right into America.
You did do that like three days ago.
With the with the ten sixth thing. Remember the guy hand on you all those cheesecake factory menus and you signed them all.
That was the thing.
But look, Trump doesn't care whether migrants are technically criminals or not, because he can tell just by looking at them.
Sean who would ask for open borders with people pouring in, some of whom I won't get into it, but you can look at them and you can say, could be trouble, could be trouble. There are people coming in with tattoos all over their face. Their entire face is covered with tattoos.
Identify typically you.
Know he's not going to be the head of the local.
Bank, breaking news, old man, not fan of tattoos, And yeah, probably the guys who face tattoos aren't going to be bankers. But maybe bankers should have face tattoos. I mean, one tear drop for every loan application they've denied, and a stay Cliff, JP Morgan, that guy local. Now, obviously immigration is a complex issue, so I wanted to find a reporter with some real expertise. So for more on the border crackdown, please welcome back Senior Latino correspondent Al Madriga.
How I feel like it's been a few years. Where have you been.
I've been in the back. Nothing's come up.
Okay, Okay, Well tell us what's going on right now.
Ron.
It's obviously a difficult time, and if I can, I'd like to speak out in defense of the hard working Americans who have been unfairly denigrated by Donald Trump.
Well, obviously you're referring to undocumented immigrants.
Oh no, not immigrants, I'm talking about Americans with face tattoos.
Right.
Some of our greatest citizens have tatted up domes, Mike Tyson, post Malone, the barista ad Bluebottle, who won't follow me back on Instagram. Face tattooed Americans do the jobs the rest of us don't want, like working in a weed dispensary, doing guest versus on a Doja cat single.
And if you get.
Rid of people with face tattoos, who the fuck is gonna live in Albuquerque?
Okay, I thought you were gonna tell us about the new US immigration policy.
What are you talking about. America doesn't have an immigration policy. America has immigration reactions.
What do you mean?
We don't know what we want from immigrants. We want to keep them away from our kids, But We also want them to raise our kids. They can't have our healthcare, but we depend on them for affordable lawn care. We hate drug trafficking, but we love drugs man. So until we have actual policy, immigrants are gonna have to lay low for four and.
Fifty eight days. But who's counting. Okay, that's a long time.
Do you think immigrants have a plan besides keeping their heads down?
I will say this, if Latino immigrants are smart, they'll shift their attention to non Latino immigrants.
Excuse me, a mom, hi, d I snitch line. I would like to report an Asian from Australia hosting.
The Daily Show.
Yes, he is very easy to recognize. Super Shifty just had a Netflix special and he's got like five different accents rolled into one.
Wait are you talking about me, dude? I brought you on the show.
Oh yeah, he also brought a Latino to do work for her. Super Happy, haven't been here for years.
Okay, look it was a state to bring you back.
Get out of here, Al Madrigal our madrig everybody let me come back, CHARLAMAEMCGD rejoining us, so don't go away.
Welcome back to the Daily Show.
Hey, we all know I've got some great opinions, but turns out I'm not the only one. Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here if another installment of in my opinion is our good friend Charlamagne the God.
Yes.
Well, the first week of Trump two point zero is almost up, and one thing is clear. Some of y'all are not gonna make it through four years, okay, because you could.
Barely handle these last four days.
That's right.
People are losing their whole damn minds and it's causing them to lash out at the wrong targets.
Snoop Dogg Nelly are facing backlash right now after performing at Donald Trump's inauguration party today. Fans took to x to express their anger, with one user saying that they no longer respected the artists for participating.
Snoop performing during Trump's inaugural weekend.
Not this Snoop Dogg.
Yeah, everyone's talking about Snoop and Nelly.
I knew Trump would take America backwards, but I didn't think it would be the two thousand and three.
People.
Please stop wasting your energy attacking old school rappers. The only thing they did wrong is inspiring Mark Zuckerberg's new look. Yeah, he looks like flavor Flavor if the flavor was mayonnaise.
Look.
Man, The reason people are mad is because back in twenty seventeen, Snoop denounced artists who played Trump's first inauguration. What is defense you think snoopery remembers twenty seventeen, Snoop has burned more trees than the LA wildfires. And don't get me wrong, you should be angry at people suddenly making nice with Donald Trump.
But instead of Snoop and Nelly, what.
About the Democratic politicians who spent four years calling Trump the new Adolf Hitler and then started doing stuff like this.
President Biden, welcoming his successor to the White House observed all the traditional niceties.
Joe Biden greeting Donald Trump at the White House with two words, welcome home.
There were smiles, there were handshakes. I mean, there was a real respect between the two.
This moment between former President Barack Obama and President elect Donald Trump has gone viral.
They chuckled like old buddies.
Trump even made Obama laugh.
I'm sorry, if you tell us someone is Hitler, you at least have to act like he's Hitler.
I know when Barrock got home, Michelle was like he he hell.
So hit look got jokes huh.
In fact, here's the energy I wanted to see more of.
On Monday, all these journalists are like, congresswomen, are you going to the inauguration? Congresswoman, are you going to the inauguration?
Are you going to the inauguration?
Let me make myself clear.
I don't celebrate rapists.
So no, I'm not going to the inauguration.
See that's right, that's right, that right there, that's backbone, that's principles. Man, I'm gonna miss AOC when she's deported in Nicarago.
So what am I saying here? What am I saying here?
Democrats shouldn't have shown up to the inauguration? Yes, bitch, that's exactly what I'm saying. And maybe you're thinking, what's wrong with being civil to your opposition?
That's just political norms.
Politics haven't been normal since Trump came down that ugly ass escalator, and eight years later, it seems like Republicans are the only ones who realize that.
Think about this for a second.
Trump lied for years about the twenty twenty election being stolen, and he gained supporters by living his life as if that lie was true.
Meanwhile, the Democrats told the truth about Trump.
Being a threat to democracy, but now if the election's over, they're living like it isn't true.
In fact, they're saying it. Get along with them, we could work together.
I will work with anybody who wants to be a good partner.
I'm not the leader of their resistance.
I will never back away from partnering with the Trump administration.
Where are priorities aligned.
I don't want to pretend we're always going to agree, but I will always seek collaboration.
First, collaboration.
Really, you called him Hitler, but now you're saying that Hitler has some good ideas.
That's the same thing Kanye said. And we don't even let him make sneakers anymore. What are you even going to collaborate on?
Are you going to make sure the immigrant concentration camps run on solar power?
Like?
Listen, man.
Donald Trump won this election by a little over two million votes, and Democrats are acting like he's unstoppable. Do you remember how Republicans acted when Biden won by seven million votes.
Republican senators are vowing to use the filibuster to derail President Biden's legislative agenda.
Of my focus is on stopping this new administration.
I want to make Joe Biden a one half term president.
On January twenty first, I will be filing articles of impeachment on Joe Biden.
You see that.
That's what you call being space laser focused.
Okay, okay.
They tried to impeach Biden on day one for the crime of getting elected.
I like that. In the g THO, I like it.
They weren't worried about alienating Democrats, they said, Democrats, they ride up their base and it worked. Today Democrats are patting themselves on the back for allowing a peaceful transfer of power. And I have no problem with conceding the election, but don't concede the constitution.
Yes, so, Democrats, Democrats, I am begging you for once treat Republicans the way they treat you and treat Trump as if you believed everything you said about him is true.
The four days we've just seen shows us where all this is going. When there's a train speeding.
Toward a cliff, people don't want you going. I'm gonna work with the conductor to fix the WiFi. They want you to stop the damn train. So yeah, I'm not wasting my time being mad at Snoop Dogg. I'm mad at the Democrats for acting like they're the ones too high to remember anything they said in the campaign. Democrats better get focused. Midterms are twenty one months away, so y'all need to take that froliican with fascist bullshit and drop like it's hot.
Oh me to god everybody.
When we come back, Al.
Madra dotor join you on the show, so don't go away.
Welcome back to our Daily Show.
I guess tonight it's a comedian and an actor who starts in the NBC series Lopez Versus Lopez. Please welcome former Daily Show correspondent, the Great Al Madriga.
I love you man. Good gonna have you back.
Great to be back a long time.
You haven't been this building in years, I think nine years.
Yeah, we're talking about in a lot of the same faces.
It's great.
Yeah, it's been. It's that's what I love about.
One of the things I love about the show is the strong alumni network.
It really is incredible when you think about, you know, all the people that we were with. We had a little bit of crossovers. So right when I was leaving, you came in, Roy came in. Klepper had been.
There for a bit as he was coming in. Yeah yeah, but then uh yeah.
It was it's a strong group.
Yeah. When I came in, you get you.
You gave me tons of great advice man, and look I thought, and then I hosted the show.
Yeah there, yeahs at No, you gave me no.
This guy, this guy gave me like tons of little You told me all the secret hiding places.
This is where you go when you need to.
Practice your script. Yeah, and you sent me this uh this chain letter of correspondent chain letter show.
So I had done a TV show at Sitcom with Rob Wriggle and then asked him for advice. And Rob was so great.
And Rob was also a full more force correspondent.
And he dug up Colbert's notes on field pieces and sent me this great text. And then I passed it on to you and Royan Desi, and then you passed it on to the new people. But this is this thing that gets passed on. I shared it with Costa, not knowing that you had already shared it.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's that's the things that chain lted. If you don't pass on now you get cussed the debt. It's like a presidential thing with just tips for correspondence.
So I'll never forget. John Oliver first day grabs me and said, because when you do these field pieces, he said, you need to live in the edit, so you need to make sure that you realize where you're going to cut and what you need to say. But one of the most important things I learned was never to let one of the producers drive.
You mean, I have the cars, the rental car.
These guys all live in Manhattan. They don't have cars, so you're doing like a nine point turn in an intersection.
You're like, what.
Are you doing in like Kansas.
So you're gonna get shot?
Yeah? Yeah, it took people's driveways.
Yeah.
And that's the thing.
It's all these very specific tips that no one else understands because it's this daily show correspondent thing. And now now you're on Lopez versus Lopez. Yeah, he does about that show.
I mean, it's a multi cam on NBC. It's on Friday nights at eight thirty. I play Stoner Friend, and I had no idea that that was a dream of mine, but it's pretty awesome because I'm a method actor.
Yeah, yeah, no, it it really is allows me to do all the other things that you know, I do.
I have a business, I write a lot, so it you're kind of done by noon.
Oh you mean being on the show, Being on.
On multi cam is the greatest gig of all time.
Okay.
And I'm working with George Lopez. He's very cool and if you haven't watched a show, there's a lot of real life trauma that he and his daughter are working out. So it's a very unique show and that you see things happening. Even in rehearsals. We were like, oh, this is very real and this is very emotional, and they're going through some stuff while they're making this thing, so it really is incredible.
Wait wait, okay, so him and his daughter actually having.
Oh he was.
They were saying, he he you know, left her, they got divorced the mom and uh, you know, got divorced George and he took off and came back, and that's the premise of our show, right, But that's real life.
So the show is literally lie therapy pretty much.
No, it really is, and with a ton of jokes and it's very funny.
It's like it's a month's still a real dealer with some heavy stuff.
Dah.
And I mean you did you know Joe Lopez before you got on the show.
I was like, I had a mean Joe Green moment with him. That's an old reference for a lot of people, but he was his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I knew friends of friends that were going and I was the only like young Latino stand up comedian there and he was doing a shot with all his buddies and gave me one of.
These like I see you over there, oh g.
And I was like, oh cool, And now I'm on the show. Now we're driving around in a golf court cart, you know, hanging out.
And he's like a he's like a not just a Latino comedy legend, he's like a comedy legend.
One of the comedy legends. He's uh, you know, he's selling out massive theaters.
Yeah, yeah, how was the doing?
Said?
Is he cool?
He's super cool. Now you're working with the zicon, you know, so he's like, hey, do it like this? And you're like, okay, the guy who's shot a tremendous of these shows yeah, I'll do it like that.
And I mean the other thing is that you uh.
Plus, I'm a stoner friend, right, I don't care how you want me to do it.
Yeah. Yeah, oil weed becomes tax deductible at this point when you okay just for one Yeah, that is.
Just smart my business managers.
Last, Yeah, tax duct your weed on this. And also, you're living in Los Angele but you moved to Los Angeles.
Correct, Yeah, from San Francisco.
I moved in.
You're raised to hate Los Angeles if you live in San Francisco.
It's well, if you hate l A, it's probably you know there's some good news for you.
I guess, well, no, it's it's I mean, some people are happy about it.
That's what we're talking about. It's terrible. I mean I don't I think it's terrible. I say, if you hate anyway, so so is it?
Is it?
Okay?
And I live in Pasadena, which is very adjacent to Altadena, and a lot of Pasadena burntdown. So it's a scary air qual horrible. They definitely need help. Still, so many people have been displaced. I know that we're watching this shot of Malibu and into the Palisades and you assume they're all fifteen twenty million dollar homes and there's just a lot of regular people who had all of their money in these houses. And it's it's this country's largest fire.
It burned for seven days and is still burning. There's a new fire that just started up, so this isn't stopping anytime soon. And it's it's.
Yes, it's historically bad. It's the worst fire.
But the point I wanted to make is I love La moving down there. Every single type of person lives in Los Angeles. It really is incredible. Like there's no matter who you are, I guarantee you could find that community in La. Our population is comparable to the entire state of Georgia. So there is a really big city with a lot of different folks. So yes, I hate the Bieber smoothie drinking boot wearing superficial influencer that you imagine we all are, But.
There's real people.
There's a lot of great, real people.
Well is it gonna in your assessment? I mean, you know, I guess is it gonna? Is it gonna come back you live?
I mean, think about it. How can it not in a way where it's like been developed by like this large corporation because you can't have with as many homes or is burnt down. How could you have five hundred different contractors build these things where you're gonna get supplies from in the naplifiers in northern California. They're just getting checks. They're just getting that resolved, and so it's it's pretty upsetting. It's gonna be a long road back, and your mortgage
doesn't go away. You have to still keep paying your mortgage on your burnt lot or the bank takes it.
So it's a so no, it's not coming back.
It's it's gonna take a long long time and hopefully the resources are there.
To Well you're you're in LA and you said you told me before you came on the show that you could feel people kind of mobilizing.
Oh to do it.
That part has been absolutely incredible. The community has come together like I've never seen it. It's just somehow packing go bags really put.
The lad into the work.
Would you no, that's good news, But what like would you have thought that before you saw it happen? Would you ever have thought that LA could come together and cooperate?
Well, it's really interesting. It's like yeah, La just really everyone stays in their own little bubble ye and so yeah, you don't see many people you know working together like this, and it's upsetting that it took a tragedy, but it really is unbelievable watching everybody come. I had a buddy in Vegas who owns a car dealership organized he dropped off five huge palets of water because the air is bad, the water is bad. Do you think about all of the things that have melted and are now in the
atmosphere and they're now in the drinking water. People, they're telling us not to bathe in it for any extended period of time. You can't walk outside without a mask. Ash is on top of my house like you'd see sand that on a windshield at the beach.
It's crazy.
Yeah, And I think that's all the things I mean not being from America for me, Like sometimes I'm like, it's because there's there's so much resources here to help people, and there's the will. You know, there's good people on the ground in Los Angeles who live there, you know, face to face, but there's it feels like it's hot to coordinate everybody because no one trusts the government response and so you have this very inefficient kind of you know.
I will tell you this.
I think fifty percent of my block probably votes Republican. Those people would run down to my house in a heartbeat.
Because you also vote Republican.
Because I also.
You've been you've been voluntearing with the Pasadena Jobs Center.
Pasadenia Community Job Center is amazing. They had a thousand volunteers on the week yes for the La fires. So Pasadena Community Job Center can't say enough great things about it. Water food, so many people have been displaced, and I mean even I was on a brush clean up crew. So it's there's ash everywhere. That's me, Jay Hernaniz magnum p. I.
Yeah, when you show up, you go, I'm on TV. I shouldn't be doing this.
Yeah, even with with a mask off, people are like, you're on TV.
But it's also Los Angeles. It's like, yeah, everyone on TV.
I was gonna come and help out, all right. Al was so good as you man, Chris, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you for giving me all the advice you did, and you came on.
You are superlaying car When you came on and show I reappreciate it.
I come have done without you, Lopez versus Lopez that strive to n be seen as available.
Stream up, peacock, I'm mad with everybody. We're gonna take a quick break, but we're right back after be Hey, that's our show for tonight.
But before we go, please consider donating capacity in our community Job Center. They're an organization that has been a part of the community for fourteen years, providing over twelve thousand jobs of skilled workers. Right now, they are on the ground helping communities affected by the Los Angeles fires. If you can't, please donate at the link below. Now Here it is your moment of zen.
Lafe at Louisiana.
And this is deep south.
This is almost into the Gulf.
I guess we're calling it goulf of America now here.
That's snow down south.
We talked about earlier on in the newscast and the Golf of mech the coast days, the Gulf of America. I guess whatever you're gonna call it now. Thanks to all of you that just wrote to me saying because I was talking about the Gulf of Mexico, Yeah, a lot of you are said Nope, it's Gulf of America. Might take a minute, right and switch that around in our thinking just a minute.
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