Constance Wu: “Discomfort Is Often Where You Find Growth”

it because it's supposed to um have multiple meanings. There's two overarching themes in the book. One is how art is very healing, and for me, art was always doing theater,

and in theater you make scenes in a play. And um, the other theme is sort of about what it means when somebody makes a scene and how growing up I sort of felt that it was unladylike to make scenes, and how that repression was something that I've been struggling with my whole life as a natural, really extroverted, emotional person. And so now I'm just like, I'll just be emotional and just make a scene. I I didn't know what

to expect when I picked up the book. You know, because when you read it somebody's memoir, you have an idea of who they are, and then you have an idea of what you think their memoir will be. You've written it in a really interesting way, and that I've seen a book that has essays, and I've seen a book that's written in a completely linear format, but you've told some of the stories or you've written them as screenplays, and it feels like we're in a movie that is

your life. Why did you choose to do that? Is that how you saw it, or or do you want us to feel like we're in the movie that is

your life? Well, there are certain scenes, are parts of the book that were originally written as dialogue that happened to me as I recount my experiences, and then I put them in a sort of screenplay or playwriting format because I feel like sometimes with actor memoirs there's a little bit of a kind of a slant, like they're trying to make themselves be the victim or the hero, or like cooler than and I felt like by putting it in a scene format, it sort of took you

out of the book in a way that made the experience more objective. So if I'm talking about somebody putting his hand on my crotch, I could talk about how that felt to me, or I could just explain the action and everybody will have their own response to him. Let's let's talk a little bit about it. Yeah, because that that was something interesting in the book. You know, you shared some really vulnerable moments in your life. You

talked about going through sexual harassment. You know, one of the producers on the show, the hit show that you are on Fresh of the Boat. But what's interesting is it doesn't seem like you are trying to slam somebody. It seems like you're counting what happened. You even seem to have, honestly, a compassion that I don't think many people would where you go, I understand where this guy came from. I didn't apreciate what he did. He made

my life and living hell, but I forgive him. And then you go on to talk about parts you know lates on the book where you realize that there were moments where you felt like you were creating an environment that was harassing to people. Not on the same level in any way, but but I was intrigued by why you would do that, and how you would even begin to think like that. Well, I mean, you are right, I even in a way have a compassion for the person who raped me, and that is something that is

you know, you don't do. And the reason I do it is not to have compassion and not to take their side. But I do feel that if I am asking for people to look at my life and my mistakes with curi curiosity and empathy rather rather than judgment, I feel like I want to do the same for other people. And it was beautiful because as I was

doing that, it made me stop blaming myself. So you know, I felt really bad with the sexual askment on fresh off the boat because sometimes I wanted to be part of the boys club, So like when he would do or say something that was inappropriate, I'd be like, oh my god, you're such a dick, you know, like laughing with him, and I felt like that was a type

of permissiveness and I felt guilty because of that. Um But then when I thought about how he's an Asian American man and how Asian American men have traditionally felt very masculated in this country and what that does to a person and why and how they might exercise their feelings of powerlessness and exercise it on the women in their own community. Because he was always respectful to white and black women all around me. It was just to Asian women who weren't in positions of power that he

sort of exercised his power and it. You know, I consider that, and I consider the pressure he was under, not to excuse him, but just to understand people better. Wow. Wow, m you you know you you you bring up your life and everything that you've gone through. There are many people who are familiar with it, and they obviously those who learn about it from the book or maybe even from us speaking about it. But you went through a really interesting period where you were on this hit show.

It came out of nowhere. It was a supern over, fresh off the boat. People were loving it. It It represented, you know, the Asian community, and it was this exciting you idea. It was funny, it was powerful. And then I think it was after about five seasons, people thought the show was done. You started booking a few projects, then the show got picked up and you had to go back to the show contractually. You spoke up about it on Twitter, you know, and I mean more than

spoke up about it, I mean, rather profane tweeter. Yeah, i'll let you. I'm objectively giving it to you. But you said a few things and and what you talk about in the book, and I really enjoyed it is you talk about how you felt, You talked about the mistakes you made, but then you talk about the response and and how people made you feel, leading to a point where you contemplated suicide. Um yeah, I actually really

did pull myself over a balcony ledge. So it was very close, and I'm very lucky that I had a friend there to help me. But um, but yeah, I mean, I do think the reaction to my not ladylike tweets was outsized in proportion to my mistake. And um, you got, I remember you got. You were getting slammed like people, people were coming after you, and people were like, oh, they were saying, like you should kill yourself, you're ungrateful, you all. I remember it at the time, and it

was huge. It went far beyond like what had happened. You know. It felt like you were angry and you were lashing out, but the respons was like it seemed like it was view was pretty cruel. Um yeah, And so that's why I ended up in a hospital and why I inevitably had to take a break from Hollywood just sort of guy didn't want to cry. I'm sorry to like work on my mental health. Um and and

it's lonely. And I'll tell you what, it remains a little bit lonely because one of the things I wanted to talk about was how the Asian American community has largely remained silent because they're so hyper focused on this idea of positive representation, and I think that is such an illusion. It's like the model minority coin, but just the the other side of it. We need whole human representation, which includes mistakes, which includes insecurities and vulnerability, and it

includes the interfections of race and gender. Because one of the few people that I told back in season two that I was being sexually harassed was one of the most vocal and prom advocates for Asian Americans, very progressive, very outspoken, and I sort of told him I guess as a as a testing ground to see, you know, if he would believe me, and he just looked at me like my dog had died, and then never asked

that anything again. And a week later I saw him introducing my abuser on an Asian American panel with the most profuse praise, and it felt like such a betrayal. And I'm like, if even he doesn't believe me, who's going to believe me? And this is prior to the Me Too movement. And I just want to say to a lot of Asian American male activists, if you claim to stand for Asian Americans, you have to stand for

women too, because that's fifty percent of that population. When you, when you experienced it was really it was really interesting to read through how you felt about it in the book, you know, because because you you share the complexities of of what you were going through, and one of those complexities was around the burden of carrying for an entire group.

You know. I spoke to a friend of mine and she was telling me, you know, she's Chinese and she moved to the US, and she was saying how she's always been taught that the group is more important than the whole, regarded regardless of the cost. And you you talk about in the book about how many said to you, it doesn't matter what happened to you. What's more important

is how the Asian community is perceived. Yes, that positive representation of the whole and straight from that, right, and so how did you how did you find the balance and also the fortitude to say, look, I am here representing the Asian community as a whole, as a as a as a complex person, but I also wish to be protected as an individual. Like where where did you find that strength? Where did you because you, as you say, you were contemplating suicide, you know you were, you were

in a mental hospital. You you went through so many things. What what is it that changed in Constance's life where you decided to know? You know what, I've got to change how I deal with this. Well, to be honest, I think I'm still finding it. But I think one thing I learned is that repressing those stories of abuse that happened to me, it wasn't just going to go away because I wanted it to go away, because I

wanted to maintain the reputation of the show. And I realized, if I'm going to live as my authentic self, then I just need to do it, even at the risk of some other people's discomfort. And so I do think my speaking out is going to make some people uncomfortable, But I think discomfort is often where you find growth, and it's sort of the only way I know how to be right now. I love. Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't be doing I could put away. I used that

for my evidence of my dada. I would be doing the book and your life a disservice if we just stayed on the saddest parts in the saddest moment, anybody wants to talk about well, not not not me, not because because because it is a life. You know, there are many funny moments. You tell amazingly funny stories. Um, I feel bad for almost every guy who's dated you, especially like what I mean, what I mean because you

tell the story is in a really funny way. And if I was like the maitre d for instance, there's so many great stories about dating and life going well, life not going well. It's silly things, that's funny moments. You know, you talk about moving in your twenties, you you you, you, you, You share really fun stories about your journey growing up, moving around. For instance, just the way you speak about your sisters. You want a four a right, one of four girls, one of four girls.

And I love how in the book you talk about how Helen is just like your favorite sister, And I was like, you do realize your sisters are going to read this book? You're not worried about that them knowing that you have a favorite. Now did I say favorite? No? No, no, no, I said, she's when I become closest to an adulthood. That's worse. Oh, she's the one I'm closest to. That's

not much. But what I love is that you you you you share a lot, and it's and it's and it's funny and it's complex when you look at your life, when you when you look at the laughter that you you bring to yourself, Like, what are some of the funniest moments that you loved reading about in your own book? Because I feel like writing a book means you have to relive some of what you've been through. You have to read it so many times when you're editing. It's

like a whole thing. I wrote it all myself. Um, that's why it took me so long. Um. I mean there's one I say. I really enjoyed writing about my first ever job, which was at a bread bakery, where I learned about what it means, what it really means the big bread when you think about it. For centuries, the recipe has stayed the same, and it's funny. I

I was almost embarrassed. I'm almost embarrassed of my job now because an acting career feels so flimsy next to something as substantial as a loaf of bread when you really think about what that is, means, meant for cultures. And also like writing that one brought back all the smells of the bakery and the taste. No, I feel like that's like a missed opportunity, just like now and again, I mean I do explain in the book, you know I was. I was at the needing table, so I

needed the bread and I shaped it. But I was never the mixer. That's like a very important role where they mixed the doll and Um, that was never my job because I was like a fifteen year old. It's too important of a job for a fifteen year old. When you walk past the place that's baking something, do you get memories immediately? I even tried to audition um to be a baker when I first moved to l A and I was like, let me try a different side job other than waitressing. I have, um, I have

these banking skills, let me try it. So they auditioned me for this baking role. And I remember the mixer. He and I were working together and I'm trying to make small talk the way you might do with you know, your waitressing staff, and and saying like, oh, you know, I'm an actress. What do you do? And he looked at me and he said, I'm a baker. But I remember thinking like, that's that's right, yeah you are. That's

an honorable job, you know. And you're like, I'm just he has my side hustle, and I didn't get the job. You didn't, and you know what, you ended up in the Ripe one concert. Thank you so much for taking the time, thank you for joining me on the show. To what Nations and why fascinating making a scene as available wherever you buy a book, there are times more stories to make sure you go out and get a concert where everybody The Daily Show with Trevor no Ears editions.

Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast