You're listening to Comedy Central. Hello, everybody, it's me and Josh Johnson and me. Just don't stay sloan. I'm not good at doing these intros, but I feel like Josh has been doing a lot of heavy lifting, and I'm feeling like a crumb bum over here, just letting Josh do all the work.
A crumbbum, A crumbum.
Yes, it's like we're co hosting, but I'm like, we're co hosting, like I got to do some of the work too.
I just never heard that before. I've never heard crumbum.
Oh yeah, crumbum. Uh. I think he crumbum is almost like a yum yum, whereas like somebody, like even know somebody that's just always like they have the means, but they're always they just asking you for food.
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Because it's not like the the girlfriend saying, oh I'm not hungry. It's not the same thing this person is eating.
Yeah yeah, they're eating well right, but.
It's like it's and it's like, you know, do you want your corn bread? It's kind of like crumbum a crumb bum.
We're so excited to bring this episode to you the public because it's it's one of contention. It's probably going to be the one that gets listeners the most fired up out of the ones that we've talked about because.
It's catch up being tomato soup.
Hey, let the past be the past.
Have you looked at the YouTube comments?
I will never look at those YouTube comics.
Yeah, I'm gonna tell you what were the first things you learned as a comic is never look at the YouTube comics. If you're someone who's on TV, yeah, never look at the YouTube comments. And I can tell you the ones that I've looked at. I don't know if there's a filter that goes through, because usually if you're a woman that looks like me on the internet, someone's calling you fat, Someone's taking the time from their American Heathen day to type into al Gore's Internet that I
have more than one chin and one. They're not doing that unless someone from our team is just going through and being like nope, nope, nope, or you too finally cares about people. But I don't think that's happening. And uh wow, wow, people are not feeling because somebody was like, yo, Josh, I get it, you were trying to win, bro, But tomatoes do big catch up. I think you've gone too far, baby, I think you've really affected hearts and minds Joshua.
I mean, never mind all the other episodes. It's like we're kind of deep now. Like there's so many other episodes where I make salient points, and then this is the one that really see people.
I mentioned that, they're like, man, Josh has made so many other great points. What happened? Okay, Yeah, it's it was interesting because they're like, yo, dude, I know you were trying to win, but you were too far. You were too far to the other direction. You went too far to the left, bro left, right up, down, You did too much.
And so I mean, this is the one that I will will really affect people.
Well. I think it's interesting because the topic for today is chocolate versus vanilla. And first of all, I just want to take a second. If you were watching this on YouTube, stop the video. After I asked this question, who do you think is gonna go for? What? Do you think Josh is gonna pick vanilla? Or do you think I'm gonna pick vanilla? Do you think Josh is gonna pick chocolate or I'm gonna be who do you think is gonna pick what, I'm gonna give you a second.
So just let you know this is chocolate versus vanilla. And guess what y'all your girl Okay, spicy calderon your girls, Team Vanilla. Hi, I see that coming? Did you? Did you? You didn't think? You didn't think that me me old what her face was gotta be picking vanilla? But I did? But I did. Isn't it wild? What a twist?
So help us out, Help help us by explaining why vanilla for you?
I think vanilla for me? One. It is an ice cream flavor that I grew up with because my mom likes to add things to ice cream, so we would get the pecan sandies. We put those in ice cream sometimes just as simple as you know, throwing in your favorite cereal, maybe put in your own little fruits. You know, Vanilla was a carrier for flavors, right, some of my favorite ice cream flavors like Moose tracks, the Bass, Vanilla
like flavored ice creams like them. I never really got into Ben and Jerry's mainly because it was expensive.
M M.
But if you give me a Bluebell situation, you give me a Field situation. I may field moose tracks, I may feel turtle tracks. Okay, if there's tracks, I may eat them. If animals out here putting his imprint on the planet with caramel or chocola tattaos put it in my face. Okay. I like vanilla basically, but I think of vanilla, I think of ice cream. And there's different
types of vanillas. There's different kind of carryer flavors. One thing I used to really love to do is when we go to the Chinese buffet, because you grew up in the South, they were always Chinese bouffets. At the end of the meal, you go get your little soft served ice cream, and then I would add a little lemon juice, like a little fresh squeeze lemon. That was a nice palate cleanser after eating all the variety of things you eat at the Chinese buffer, I do honestly
prefer it over like. In cakes, I don't prefer like I've never had a chocolate birthday cake because I've never wanted a chocolate birthday cake. I've made chocolate birthday cakes. I've made chocolate cakes for people.
I guess this is my thing. This is where I feel like you I are so misguided.
Wow, what the hell? Good night?
This is This is where so I look at vanilla as one, right as like then, if we're talking flavors, vanilla is the number one as far as units of flavor and taste. Okay, it's where you start.
It's a good place to start a scale from one to ten.
From one to ten. And I'll even say this, people give vanilla zero. It's a one because it is a flavor. It's not plain. It's vanilla, right, right, But you can't really enhance it, like you said, it's a characters.
It's just a carrier.
Oh okay, it's a carrier. So then it it's a platform for other flavors. It's not a real flavor that's out here striking joy into hearts and minds. It's just out here helping cherries and sprinkles get along.
But it's also did you think about it as a collaborator, a peacekeeper, a helping hand to bring different flavors together.
How about this I've seen, I've had, I've enjoyed a triple chocolate cake. You can't have a triple vanilla anything because vanilla is vanilla. It's one, and you can't multiply one times one.
You could have a vanilla well, I mean that triple, but you can like a vanilla cake, a vanilla frosting. That's the thing that exists.
It's a thing that exists that all tastes are saying. It's just a steady attack on your taste buds where you're getting overwhelmed with the vanilla.
Listen. I presented my case. Now you present your case. You're very predictable. Case a being deemed chocolate.
By very Okay, all right, Chocolate came to us, blessed us, was discovered in multiple countries, all right, it came. Yeah, it came to us from multiple parts of the earth. You know, the caw world. What new world we're talking about? New world, sir, It's all been one world the entire time, ma'am, it's all been one planet. I'm not no, no, no, don't don't pull from that colonial history. The whole world's been the whole world.
The whole world has been the whole world the entire time. Yes, in God's eyes, he built one planet.
I get it.
It's white folks with books that made it new and old. Mm hmm, so they ain't known about chocolp Are we trying to we're trying to say that about chocolate. You're trying to say that chocolate was not in the America. It's in the conquered country, conquered continent.
Mm hmm. I mean, all I'm saying is what they called the New World was really the old world because they just hadn't discovered it yet.
But that's why, because somebody didn't know where the fuck that was at. I hear it.
Yeah, yeah, I got you. I'm just say that chocolate doesn't come from one specific area or country in all of the world. Lots of countries bring us chocolate, and they bring us their spins on chocolate and they bring us Yeah.
Have you seen that. Ghana has told these white folks that you were no longer going to take a raw being out of here and then process it on your own. We're going to process this ship and you're gonna have to pay us. Donna is not playing with these hopes. Ghana, the president of Dona, he is not playing with these white folks no more. You unders saying. He's like, y'all are be coming up in our country and taking ship. If you want this cacao, you have to come to us.
You ain't getting rob beans. We're gonna process it and then give you that shit because you've been in here getting it. You've been getting uncut the raw, okay, and don't want us to have no processing plants. Oh boys, ad fuck y'all. I keep praying for them, or more anybody's safety, because these white folks are a problem.
So all I'm saying is chocolate comes to us at different degrees as well, so you can see the percentages they tell us the percentages now of cacao in the chocolate.
Absolutely, and I just let you know how stepped on it is.
I understand, but that pure, pure, right. So those bittersweets, those seventy five percents, those twenty five percents in those Hershey's, they all have different flavors. They're all coming from a different place. Vanilla it can't get stepped on because it comes out stepped on.
Have you ever seen a vanilla bean? Yeah, I've seen, But that's a that's an old world plant. So you have to remember, like at one point, you know, we think of it as very generic because we have all the things here as it is, But at one time sugar was exotic because my father didn't have sugar.
I mean, if we have to go in the past for to have a leg up, we just.
Went to the pass about chocolate. We just went to the past about chocolate. I'm not saying at one point all of these things were exotic. Italy didn't have noodles until Marco Polo came back from China. If it was not for the Chinese Italians, what would they be making? What are they cooking? What are they famous for?
It?
Get real good meatballs and like as far as meatballs, fire.
Side, I checked this out, tomatoes New World plant noodles came from China. If it was not for somebody leaving Italy, what would they eat?
Bro real good meatballs.
All olive oil everything. See, I'm just saying fire meatballs, this bread, this bread though.
So I'm just throwing it out there. Yeah, I'm just throwing it out there that there are different degrees, are are different levels of chocolate. If we're just even gonna keep it to bars, right bars, these bars, a vanilla bar, that's fine, saying that's so hard, and a chocolate bar. That's how we want them, that's how we take them, that's how we love them. Chocolate bar. And how many
types of chocolate bars are there. The most you're gonna get out of vanilla bars is cookies and cream, which is still getting a little chocolate in it to help it along because it's struggling.
Vanilla is a bean, so you can't turn vanilla into a bar because it doesn't even have It's like, if you think of all the things we do with like different beans, like Sway beans and stuff like that, vanilla, it's like it's dried and you're just taking the seeds out, and it's very much like an extraction process. But there's no Like I did not know, probably until I was almost in college, that cocoa butter comes from chocolate plant. I didn't know where cocoa butter came from. Okay, like
you ever had like white chocolate? Mm hm, white chocolate is basically a stick of cocoa butter from what I from what I've heard.
I mean that I don't know enough to correct you. But the fact that you don't get any dark vanilla but you can get white chocolate just another way that chocolate is being more versatile in these streets. It's just another way that chocolate is coming at you in different colors, in different flavors. I just think chocolate can go place as vanilla can't.
That's an apple and orange situation. We're talking about flavors, right. The thing for me, I don't like white chocolate. I like milk chocolate. But I have found out that but going over you know, going to Canada, going to Europe, going to Mexico, the rest of the world hates our chocolate. Apparently it's disgusting.
No, we're not doing well.
I did not know that are chocolate is trash. I did not know.
I've known for a long time, but.
I can't say that I've never I've never been a huge fan of our chocolate. Like a Hershey bar, No, I don't want that. I don't want to eat a whole bar. There's all a ball of chocolate always seem like way too much.
But that's why they have the little divots for you to break it off, for you to have as much as you want to have while you're having it, because.
They know the whole thing is just ridiculous.
The whole thing is too much. Yeah right, the whole thing, like you break it per serving size, and even a Hershey bar break four of those little things have that say that two.
Is my max. And then eventually I'll wrap it up and set it somewhere and go either it's in the fridge for the rest of my life. White chocolate isn't even really chocolate. It's chocolate is he's taking the cocoa out of There's no cocoa, it's just fat mm hmm. And then even injected chocolate flavor.
Mm hmm. I see, no, no, no, I see the point that you're trying to make. But what I still see is vanilla struggling so hard that chocolate had to do a plasma donation. Of plasma donation or maybe on the half of the white colored candies, or maybe.
Vanilla doesn't have to go with Sammy Sosa. Okay, doesn't have to be the last innration of Michael Jackson to be out here doing his job. Okay, I don't want to bring Michael into this. Sammy Sosa, we all know looks like a thumb, doesn't make any sense.
Don't don't act like I'm making you do these things I didn't want to have to, Like you're pulling out all the stops now because something.
Vanilla is vanilla is Like listen, I'm flavoring things Okay, I'm giving you because look at this, the nature of the flavors. Okay, chocolate is heavy, Okay, it's gonna sit on the tongue, but there's a fat content, there's oils behind it. There's a lot of things that chocolate is doing because there are different aspects to it, right, Like, but vanilla, on the other hand, Hey, baby, I'm a bean and you put me in shit. Okay, I'm doing cakes, I'm doing creams, all right, I'm giving you. It's a
whole different it's a whole different campaign. There's way less processing when you're dealing with vanilla. No, no, there's no vanilla bars because if you try to make a vanilla bar, it'd be like a white chocolate situation. We need some type of bass and then you're injecting flavor. But that's not how vanilla works. Vanilla is giving you a lightness. Okay. Chocolate came in to be heavy. Chocolate came in to step on your feet and be like, hey, what's going on?
What's doing? But the fuck up your teeth? Okay, no kids going to the dentist or the dantist. Okay, ain't nobody's sitting up getting caught with vanilla all on their face. It's not happening. They have better Vanilla has better pressed because Vanilla is a more refined situation. Vanilla's not out here in your whole Halloween. That's what Vanilla's doing. Vanilla is a classy bitch, all right. Villa is like, hey, yeah, yeah, Vanilla can't be in everything. Okay, you got triple chocolate cakes,
you got chocolate on chocolate on, choclate on chocolate. Vanilla comes in boom, that's the flavor. There's vanilla and then there's a little vanilla bean. Chocolate on the other hand, is letting you know it is stepped on like a motherfucker chocolate. Is that you know? Hey, I can be bitter, I can be sweet, I can be stepped on. All it is stepped on. Okay, we know American chocolate. Okay. Sidebar. Also, we have to mention this one thing. Have you ever had a chocolate orange?
Yeah?
What do you think about it?
I thought it was fine.
I think that's a flavor you have to grow up with.
No. I can see that because the people who love it have always been eating it.
That's very fair, and they're not American at all.
They also love to crack it to like open it. It's like an event. Like That's how you can tell that they grew up with it because they love to press down, which opens up all the slices and then they Yeah.
I mean as things, but I was annoyed one when you bite into it that is hollow.
Yeah, because there's nothing.
I'm like. I thought there was gonna be an orange cream situation. I thought this might have been a Cadbury situation. I thought they were gonna give me more, right said orange chocolate orange. I thought that it was going to be more than just the shape of a fucking orange. But it's kind of cool that it's some slices. You can distribute it to your friends, your drink, right, It's cool. It's whatever. I'm just saying. I've had a whole type of chocolate. Listen what you're not gonna do? Because I
know you're closing. I've met you. I know.
What I'm not gonna do. Just for the record, this is unedited. I was big quiet. I was listening and out of what you're not gonna do.
I know the wheels, nigga, I know the wheels and the wheels, the wheels on this bus were eventually going to get us to the chocolate room at Harriet's. That's where these wheels were gonna go.
I really wasn't even thinking about it.
What that you don't know how to do this? Right? No?
No, no, I wasn't even thinking about it. I'll tell you why, because I was gonna let you punch yourself out because in my mind, yes, there are some situations where we're talking apples to oranges, but it's apples to oranges because chocolate can go so many places that vanilla can't. All right, you're talking about not all up in people's halloween. Let's talk about the fact that really a lot of
people don't even want vanilla like that. So vanilla could call it self classy, it could call itself sophisticated, it can call itself particular and choosy, but nobody is choosing vanilla. When was the last time you saw vanilla fountain at a party?
Help me you can, because vanilla doesn't come because vanilla doesn't come in a liquid form like that. Okay, that's not happening.
It sounds like it's not versatile.
Sounds it's not versatile. Not the best you've heard in a while. What I'm saying is is that thanks just getting that reference that brings the child, I'll just shake its record stole. What I'm saying is that because of what Vanilla is. Also, you know that chocolate in the damn chocolate fountains is never high quality. It's never it's never great, it's never good. Come on, come on, don't mean using chocolate foutains, Nigga, that got nacho cheese fountains too. Okay.
I don't know if you ever saw have you seen this clip from TC which was one time about with her wedding. Guess she wanted to ranch fountain. She wanted to ranch fountain. Josh, honestly, I want to see it. I want to see it. I want to see a ranch fountain. Okay, I'm sure they have a Marinara sauce fountain. Were out of here putting anything liquid and a fountain.
I honestly think a Marinara sauce fountain can't happen because it would be far too splashy. Like you, you can't even approach that thing without messing up your whole shirt.
It is splashy. You need something that's kind of you need that makes me think that a ranch fountain would be splashy too.
It might be, yeah, because you need something that'll.
Come down in a ribbon. You need something that'll hold.
Its shape, something beautiful and smooth like chocolate. I'm with you.
Cheese, not your cheese. Something that in when it's room temperature, is solid. That's what I'm talking about.
You know, you know this is Tadam out to terrorism, all right, because now terrorism.
Is ketch up his tomato soup. Salta is tomato cal ben Ldenim. You are his predecessor. You are his greatest student. When you sat up and look me at my Christian face, it told me that salce is tomato soup.
Fucking sat Look look all I'm saying. All I am getting at. All I am approaching you with is the fact, the un like un.
Adult ratd no mitigated no, no, no, no no, the unquestionable fact, not questionable, bro, that chocolate is going places and doing things that vanilla is too limited to do.
I think about this. You know how we're all into all these nut milks.
Some of us are, yeah, some of us know what a lie is true.
It's just it's juice. I wanted to stop doing this, you had to blend up these cashews and squeeze them juice juice.
Yeah.
Also, why is there no peanut milk? Why we put these very specific nuts?
Yeah, we need some peanut juice out here?
Is there pistachio milk? You know what I want to? Like, I think, so is it that sounds expensive?
It sounds yeah, it sounds very expensive because if you've even held eight eight pistachios, you've held six dollars.
So there's never gonna be macadamia milk because that's gonna be one hundred and fifty dollars a gallon.
That Honestly, macadamia milk is what I feel like rich kids get with their babies back at just a buttery, buttery milk.
All I'm saying is that because there is no Yes, chocolate can do different things than vanilla can do because of just the nature of the plant, right, Like orange tree can do more than an oak tree. Oak tree just standing there putting shading a yard.
Yeah yeah, orange trees.
Yeah, fruits, Oh I have somebody was like I found out that some you know how people to like try to say that like the trees that are in city should be like food bearing trees for like people in the population who are having like you know, food issues like food scarcity or whatever, or people who are unhoused. There are a lot of cities that don't allow you to have fruit bearing trees in the city because for that reason, they're like, no, we don't want people to
be able to that's wild. That's wild. Like every tree, Like I get if you're an oak fucking Oklahoma chors like Colorado trying to grow an orange tree. That makes no sense. But just have it like appropriate to where your climate is. People evil anyway for the same way that oak tree can't do it. Orange tree it does because of the nature of said plants. Vanilla is not going to do what chocolate does and vice. First, you see what I'm saying.
I do see what you're saying.
The reason I've never been a huge childcolate fan because first of all, like ever, the first time I had like European chocolate, I was like, Oh, this is a this is so much better because it's not what we have. Also, whoever put chocolate and butter together, God bless God bless that human being, because that is fucking delicious.
I wonder what is when you put vanilla and peanut butter together, do you just throw up immediately or do you like I'm just saying, I'm just.
Oh, those are two competitive that some stuff don't work together. Chocolate and vanilla work. Listen, you ever a kid got neapolitan ice cream? My question is which flavor was always left in the container when you got neapolitan ice cream? What was the last one? Was the strawberry? Because my house was always strawberry.
I feel like it very based on.
Who was in the house.
Yeah, yeah, I feel like after the divorce, interesting, Yeah, I feel like my dad ate the chocolate the fastest, okay, and then when it was just my mom and I, the like the whole distribution was just different. Like you would just see it looked like, you know, like when you're playing music and you got a little icon with the levels in it. Yeah, the race to the bottom just looked like that movement. So I'm trying to think of what was like last last.
I think for us it was always the strawberry. But I can say my mom and I loved it. Would buy you were one of those huge tubs with the handle on them of the ice cream?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
It was a plastic tub with a red handle on it. My mom would buy that when I was a kid. And so because I remember as a kid not liking how chocolate ice cream tasted because it had a weird ass aftertaste. And even as an adult, having tried very expensive of chocolate ice cream and you know, gelatos and shit and being in like nice ass places traveling let world, I still get that weird ass after taste from a chocolate ice cream. I think sometimes chocolate cake, I think
I like a lighter now. I love a brownie. Brownies arem a jam because brownies for me seemed to be the right balance of chocolate to other to other things. But like chocolate cakes, I'm not always like a chocolate chocolate chocolate cake. There's too much. I need something else to like break this shit up?
Can I offer up one extra thing?
Try it?
I don't think that when you go to other countries you get the good vanilla. I think that what's happening is the pinnacle of vanilla. We've already tastes and it's it's fine, And then you go to another country and chocolate.
What do you think the pinnacle of vanilla is?
I think the the apps. That best vanilla I've ever had was something that really brought out the flavor of the bean, and it did compliment the other flavors that were with it. Because what are your favorite Just as an example, what's your favorite type of vanilla pie?
You mean vanilla pie?
Like, do you count cheesecake as like a cake? Do you count it as a pie? Do you count I'm trying to think of times we put pies with lots of vanilla flavor.
Why don't we put vanilla flavoring and cheesecake?
Because you know how, you can have a chocolate pie.
Yeah, you can have a chocolate pie. You have a chocolate peann pie. You can have a chocolate pudding pie.
Yeah.
Banana pudding is a very famous vanilla flavored situation because bananas in it.
There's been there's bananas in it, and sometimes those bananas completely overpower the vanilla.
Oh I am the person that always picks the bananas out because I don't like bananas. I love plantains.
That's that's for another day. That's wow, wow, that's you heard it here right now at minute whatever of this episode, plantains versus bananas is gonna happen.
Oh you you know what our next episode, next episode, plantains versus bananas. We're doing it, We're doing it.
Please you ready? Please don't?
You're ready.
You set yourself up, You set yourself up. Come on, okay, come on.
Come with it.
I don't think you're really ready to lose back to back.
You're not ready to lose back to back. Your greatest feelure was tomato with Sausa's.
Tomatoes episodes ago. You're still clinging on to that old.
Man that was not episodes I'll goo. Okay, don't do that, ma'am. Don't't do that.
When you even have a topping. There's not that many vanilla toppings that go on to chocolate ice cream, But there's lots of chocolate toppings that pop pop pop pop pop all over that vanilla scoop.
Okay, so you're saying that there is no vanilla.
Toppings, not no, just not many.
What if chocolate is just loose? What if chocolate is just for the streets?
Are you wait?
Wait?
What if no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. You are not going to call my delicious mocha, my delicious dark my delicious milk. You're not gonna call all of my chocolates hose. That's not what's gonna happen.
Just saying that it had to be so versatile because it could not focus.
We need to sit down and pray for you. You're loose. You're playing your basic vanilla. That's what we need to do.
What if chocolate is doing all of this because it couldn't there's no refinement. Okay, maybe it's all Maybe it's giving you. Maybe it's McDonald's. Okay, maybe it's McDonald's.
Maybe it's just you know, you need you need to slow. You need to slow. You need to slow where you're going right now because you're about to crash. You about to c You sell as someone who was the tomato soup. You sound like the tomato soup right now because.
Chocolate, I know, I know, chocolate is still chocolate. I'm not finna sit up and say that. Listen, salsa will never be tomato soup. Okay, when you always be doing all of this out.
Here, when you say, when you say that, what if chocolate is McDonald's, please remember, please, please please remember what what flavor of mcflurry is and is only fail.
And then you just add stuff. It's like a blizzard and Derek Queen, it's a base. It's giving what it can do is it can give you other things, or it could just be an ice cream car one of the first things you ever won. The first time as a child that you was able to use a machine. For the first time you saw an ice cream cone coming out of machine. It was either it was vanilla or or vanilla chocolate swirrel, but it was Vanilla. Day one, Baby, Vanilla been here since you had teeth.
Simple, simply not true. It was vanilla or chocolate or the swirl.
Hey, oh you are here. So your machine had three novels and catulations.
Look at God and look look I I know what you tried to do, you to get me to go off the rails, and is not gonna work.
Because the rails are found and established. All I'm saying is you are really coming at me like you own Hershey's, like you own Lindor, like you own all of the mean nothing to me, no name.
Me one of the vanilla companies. Go ahead, what do you mean? What do you mean? What do I mean? You just started rattling it off. Chocolate companies tell me those great, beautiful, powerful empires of vanilla.
What Mada Gascar baby, the country is there, you said, empires. That is their McCormick. Okay, that's who's out here giving you vanilla. But this is the thing I named chocolate companies you've never had. You can buy vanilla beans right and do whatever you need in your life. You can't go pick up a bag of cal beans. That's not happening. You got to process this. You just can't show up and be like, hey, let me get some Let me get that pod, Let me get the giant bean and
get the seeds out. Dry these dry these seeds, ground them. Add sugar, because what you have to remember is that you've never had chocolate in its pure form. Chocolate is not sweet.
It's not about being sweet. It's about being delicious. It's about being and.
They ad and it's added and all they do is add sugar to it. When they do something with a vanilla bean, you confuse it with a cream. You know, you can have that vanilla flavor you ever had. You have Baker's chocolate, the bittersweet, No, no, no, no, Baker's chocolate.
Just the big brick of chocolate.
Yeah. But The thing is Baker's chocolate is actually the true form of chocolate because there's no sugar in it. We'll remember the other episode of Roseann whe DJ bent into Baker's chocolate. He's like, She's like, yeah, I try to tell you six times. So what I'm saying is chocolate in its raw form. Mm hmm, it's not good. You put sugar in it.
That's simply not true.
Have you had plain chocolate?
I have had plain chocolate, and I'm also I've also had the darkest of dark chocolate from.
It, they still put sugar in it.
No, I know, but that one when you go to like Ecuador, you go to these countries that do the ninety.
So for you prove this point, you had to go to Ecuador.
I didn't have to go to Ecuador. I'm simply saying that at every level of putting sugar in chocolate all the way to no sugar, it was fire all the way to no sugar. So from no sugar all the way to just sugar, chocolate is dope and it's useful. If it's useful.
If it was dope, how come nobody if it was dope chocolate with no sugar? Why is that not something you can really other than that big ass brick or Baker's chocolate, which also looks stepped on no one because like they're like because dark chocolate, because like they've given us dark chocolate when those milk chocolate and all us things right, the dark chocolate is chocolate that's not have that has no milk in it. Is that what dark chocolate is.
No. Dark chocolate has less sugar, almost no ingredients. Like when you see the percentages of of like the cacao in it, that's when you know it's like truly not only just quality but also healthier for you because there's almost no ingredients at all. The only ingredient will be
what they put in it with the mix. So if you have like a macha dark chocolate, you'll read it and it'll say, like the bittersweet chocolate, the macha green and cane sugar will usually be like one of the last ingredients, which means they put the least of.
That in there. Let these people put grass in this chocolate.
You can put anything in chocolate.
Macha.
Yeah, to take grass, I've had it and they made it very good.
It's grass. It's very complicated to make but it tastes like fresh laune.
Because your vanilla is like a platform. You said it yourself, it's a character.
No, what's making money off of Okay, I'm not making no money off it is Banila. You're not making no money off of this vanila. So you're not making no money on this chocolatepe Hey.
Then vanilla in general is like a carrier. It sits. It's a platform. It's like an elevator floor. All right, Chocolate, it is the whole house. It's you're in.
But vanilla can be a Listen, when you look at these specialty flavor ice creams, chocolate is not always the base because if you put a bunch of stuff in on chocolate ice cream, it's just like chocolate ice cream, right, But vanilla, throw a little caramel swirl in it, throw a little Fudd's World. Hey, do both. You're an American, nobody can stop you. You're You're awful, so out here throwing all kinds of things in this ice cream, right,
because it's it's it's a collaborator. Okay, Chocolate is a bully. It's pushing all other flavors out the way.
This is why I'm telling you, as someone who's been where you are right now. This is a mirror. Okay. I've tried to help you the way you try to help me. Chocolate is a bully.
Okay, instead of melting in your hands, getting all over your face, making you look like that you ain't a college graduate. All right?
Why why are there so many chocolate candies and there aren't that many vanilla candies. We've already established the bars.
Because of the nature of the plant, for the same reason that there's orange juice and not pine juice. There's no flour, like there's no you get juice or a fruit. We're not asking plants that don't have fruit to be juice.
Wait what was that apple juice versus pine juice thing?
You're saying that there's no vanilla bars, and there's no vanilla bars because of the nature of vanilla.
And now I'm asking why there's no vanilla loot, there's no vanilla m and ms. There's no vanilla you know what I'm saying, like loose candies.
Because it is a flavor that comes from it's as think of it like more like an herb, because it's a plant can give you a flavor, So like your bay leaves or Regano's stuff like that. No. One, So you're not going to get the same things out of vanilla that you get at a chocolate because of the nature of the plant. You can't get like you can't squeeze vanilla and get oiler, Like you can't get oil out of everything. Can get swabean oil. You know, canola. I still don't know what a canola is.
But yeah, I've never met a canola.
I've never seen her in the streets. I've never seen her out here working. But she does. She does what she dos, right, yeah.
Yeah.
But also sesame oil, what a tiny seed.
Giving us flavor?
Giving us flavor?
Bro Like, like I remember the first time I had something with sesame oil in it, I was like, I think that that that must have been the devil because that was just too much flavor hitting me all at once. That was insane.
And you've ever eaten a sesame seed It didn't give you all.
Of that, No, No, I've had everything bagel and it tastes like nothing.
Nothing. So the fact that like they're really out of here. They were like, listen, we got these tiny ass seeds. We're gonna pu on this planet. We're gonna do something out here.
What I will offer up, though, is to your point of thinking it as an herb. There are herbs that can be candied that that are that we have mints. A mint is an herb, right, isn't a mental nerd you're born?
There's vanilla candy.
We know there's I know there's vanilla candy. I'm asking you to offer up what vanilla candy stack up to the all the chocolate candies that are out there. I'm not saying why aren't there any? I'm saying, what do you think is a good vanilla candy?
Honestly, my favorite candy is Reese's Pieces.
Oh oh, why would you tell me? Why would you offer it up on camera?
It used to be butter fingers, Snickers and then kill me right now? And then I just got to the source. But it was just like I just want peanut butter, That's all I want. So now my favorite candies recis Pieces.
I will I will throw it out there one more time because I feel like I didn't quite get my question answered from before. Well, you know, we both agree that we had chocolate in all of its forms here, and it wasn't until we either traveled abroad or have the chocolate from abroad that we were like, wow, this is it right? Yeah, I'm asking why you think that the vanilla that we have isn't better in other places? Like I like, you know, I'll offer it up, extend
the olive branch. I've never had Mattagascar vanilla, but I also haven't had any vanilla that was better than the vanilla I grew up with. And that's where the refinement is is bumping me because you talk about refined sophistication. Can't be everywhere, can't be doing everything, but then when it's doing any other thing, it tastes just like it did when it was doing the other stuff. Wow.
So did you ever have a vanilla Tozierol. I did when Titsrol came up with flavors, and I can't say Titzierol don't do chocolate that great, so I was not, but I can't tell you it was the strawberry one that they did.
The strawberry the orange is pretty good, banging.
I think Tetziol has really just missed the mark, Like fuck.
It should have been flavors the whole time.
Should have been flavors though a whole.
Time I would agree with that. I have no problem offering up that not every chocolate company is doing chocolate to the to the degree that it deserves right, you know, But I just I just don't know what vanilla is doing. I feel like vanilla is the flavor of the seventeen hundreds. You know, it's just it's it's time is passed.
I don't think it's time has passed. I think it's still giving us because there's like, you know, we've got vanilla fudge. We got other vanilla candies. You know those little cream savers. That's vanilla vanilla fudge.
I was fudge.
I was surprised about it. Also, I realized vanilla is like fudge is too much for me sometimes mm hmmm. So I can always get down with fudge.
Now it's every fudge chocolate.
No, you can have like the toffee fudge.
We're not gonna toffee fudge.
Yeah, you have different flavors of fudge. I thought Judge had to be chocolate, and so I went to college with a lot of white women and they were like, like, oh, no, girl, you can make fudge any fun. There's peanut butter fudge. You've had peanut butter fudge.
Yeah, I've had peant butter fudge. I just assumed that there was a little bit of chocolate in it.
Now I can say, I don't know what the hell fudge is, truly.
I think fud it just seems congealed, like congealed of the thing that you're eating.
I think there's condensed milk in it. I think it's there's a thing you can we fudge different. I've been peppermint fudged all kinds of fudge, because you know, we've all been to a mountain town and been to a uh oh my god, I just had the word for it general store. But yeah, I'm just saying that the No, there's not a lot. I don't know, there's a lot of mainstream out here every day. Vanilla candies, No, that's not a thing. Well, chocolate is everywhere.
Maybe it's the demand and they have to up the supply.
Are you talking about chocolate.
Yeah, I think that vanilla Maybe there's just not in demand like that. So then they get by how they can get by. You have to get it how you live, as they say, So you're you know, in the streets, and.
If anybody's in the streets it's chocolate. Vanilla is a flavor. Chocolate is a thing.
That Nope, I will not let you do this. This is a conspiracy theory. Start. This is like, no, vanilla is a flavored. Chocolate is a thing, all right, and it's not a thing from this world and it's an inside job. You can find the real chocolate at Area fifty two. That's the area they don't tell you about. No, no, no, na na.
What I'm saying for the same way that like, in the same way that mint can't be a bar mm hmm. Mint doesn't do what chocolate does. But you're not out here attacking.
Mint because other people have not had the audacity to compare mint and chocolate. They'll put only chocolate.
See that I'm saying, I'm comparing flavors. You are trying to compare carriers of the flavors bars, cakes, ice cream. I'm talking about the.
Flavor with you. I'm just saying, I'm proving that this is a better flavor by where it goes and what it can do and how many people want it.
Saying that because it can, because it has a bigger distribution, because of the nature of the plant of because of what can what it can become.
I'll make a full plain flavor argument right now, Okay, in a chocolate milkshake and a vanilla milkshake at a diner, a mistake that I've often see. I often see it happen. I've had it happen to me throughout my entire life. When you get a vanilla milkshake, Yes, the ratio of milk can be off, and it can easily be off because vanilla is a carrier. The distribution of milk and chocolate in a chocolate shake is much harder to mess up, because if you put too much milk in a chocolate shake,
it's not even gonna look like a chocolate shake. It's gonna look like a dirty milk.
You know, you're saying just because vanilla and milk are both white.
No, No, I'm saying. What I've had happen to me in my life has been milkshakes, whether they were chocolate or vanilla. The vanilla sometimes it can't even overpower the milk. Now, I'm just drinking some cold milk with some ice in it, with a little bit of vanilla flavor.
So, because you've been to a diner owned by some cheap motherfuckers who bought cheap ass ice cream or thought that somebody wouldn't notice because they didn't put enough vanilla ice cream in to this milkshake. This is Vanilla's fault because I've had some very amazing vanilla milkshakes, but honestly, my milkshake of choice is strawberry or cookies and cream or or have you been to the Chick fil Ayah, the peach, the big one, the frost of lemonade, or a mint cookies and cream shake.
Mm hmm. I mean the fact that you're not saying vanilla is a bit telling.
I've said vanilla and I also said other things that I like, because one, I'm not always a milkshake person. Okay, do you know what I love? I love a blizzard from Dairy Queen. But yeah, it's all I'm saying is that I'm not trying to win here.
Real real quick. I'm so sorry. I'm just because I also know we have to wrap up so you're reminded. You know how at darry Quaid they're supposed to flip the blizzard upside down to show it all out, and there's nothing like when it falls out because because the cashier and the driver just looking at it all the ground and then they got to go do another one. But it's like make it when the confidence that they flip it and it almost never falls out. So then when it's a little too thin and they go.
Well that's why you've ever seen in the British bacon Showlther're like, oh, your meringue is good if you can turn it over above your head and it doesn't fall out. And I'm like, why are we testing this that way?
It doesn't have to be the head. Yeah, it doesn't have.
To be your head. It could be over your work, bitch. I would test it over a trash can, like why is it? Because you see him just like looking up at it, like, I hope it doesn't fall out. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're you're international television? Do you You must trust you a lot or you touch these peaks to really be popping like this. I know that a lot of people are going to disagree with me, but that's because we all love a chocolate
a chocolate bar. You know, it wasn't you know, Charlie in a vanilla factory that didn't happen. So I understand that people have a place in their hearts for chocolate. I didn't expect to win this, Okay, I just wanted to have the discussion, So listen. I'm going to say it slow, okay. On the things d U L C E, S l O A N. On all of these social media platforms that make you question your self esteem. And this is my friend, my cohort, my.
Body, Josh Johnson and you can find me on all the stuff at Josh Johnson Comedy, TikTok YouTube, all that stuff. Hit me up on Instagram. Let us know in the comments of these videos that get posted what you think, and feel free to let us know what you'd love to hear us talk about next. If there's a classic duo that you think one's better than the other, if there's a classic rivalry that you want to get our thoughts on, y'all, just let us know. But we appreciate
you listening. We hope you had fun listening, and I hope you have a great day into the weekend.
Fire Mom.
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