Chelsea Handler Takes On Tucker Carlson Thinking There's Too Much Diversity | Ashley Graham

one soul. All of us are part of the same holy universe, except for Tucker Carlson, which brings us to tonight's sad vines. Here's what Dipsy Doodle had to say about Joe Biden's court appointments. So the point of diversity, equity inclusion, as you often heard, is to wind up with the leadership class That quote looks like America. Now, we think you should hire in the basis of merit. But that's kind of an appealing idea that people who

run the country should look like the country. That's not what it's about at all, because no administration has ever looked less like America just by the numbers than the Biden administration. Is not about making the invisional Americans, but discriminated against certain classes of people who don't vote for them, period, And now it's provable. Federal judges confirmed under Joe Biden total number of white men five twenty two are black women. So this is race based hiring. It's illegal, But it's

also not about looking like America. I wish Tucker Carlson would go back to talking about which eminem's he likes to find what? What are you even complaining about? Having diversity in power is a dream come true for guys like you. Now you can blame all of your problems on women and black people. Maybe if you're inbred fingers could work a calculator, you would see that the reason Biden is nominating so many black women is to make up for having men having a two hundred year head start.

Even after Joe Biden's appointment, there are only forty four Black women serving as federal judges out of seven hundred and eighty four. I mean, what is this wall conduct? Forty four out of seven hundred and eighty four That is not a lot. You need twenty black women just to make up for Clarence Thomas and this raises a more important question, Tucker, which is, why are you always

such a whiney little bitch? All I didn't do is complain, complain, complain, And now I have to spend my time here complaining about you. I could have been up here talking about real issues, like how celebrities were filling up their asses and faces with fat, but now suddenly they're all taking out the fat in their asses and faces and where does all that fat go? And how do I get in on it. I'm forty seven and I need to

start figuring out what direction I'm going in. And I wanted to use this time to get some audience feedback on it, but no, now I have to spend my time talking about how you're mad that white men only control almost all of the country. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a woman. How long am I supposed to keep this charade going and

pretend that my face isn't melting in front of everyone's eyes. Anyhow, Let's move on, because speaking of dissatisfied men, a man in Singapore is suing a woman for putting him in the friend zone. That's right. He wants to point three million dollars because he says her rejection caused him sustained trauma. And this is why I don't date anyone from Singapore. He said getting friend zone caused him sustained trauma. How hard is this guy masturbating? This would ever happened the

other way around. Women would never file a lawsuit just because a man goes to us. No, we would just spread a rumor, you know that that he's got a small penis that's riddled with STDs because we are adults. I just hope this guy doesn't win, because if rejecting losers becomes a crime, I'm looking at a class action lawsuit against myself. Let's move on to some fashion news.

Even though it's only February, a lot of people are already starting to wonder if they're going to be ready for a bikini season, and if this is the bikini everyone's wearing. I'm starting to wonder the same thing. A woman is going viral for her reaction to a micro bikini that she brought from Kim kardashians skims line. The twenty eight dollar bikini claimth that fit everybody, but it's

barely covering a trader. Joel's tortilla chip. So if you've been eyeing the skims micro bikini and wondering about the size, these are tortia chips f a scale. I can't really bring this up any higher normally a bikini we're like probably up to here. This is the most comfortable at this level because if you look, this is all string. It's not gonna work for anyone. Okay, first of all, that's not a helpful comparison. Okay, nobody who can fit into a bikini that small has ever eaten a tortilla

chick and matt a side. Who is this bikini for? It doesn't even cover all of your genitals. If someone is someone sitting around going my volvo's extroverted, but my clatrus is shine. In order to wear that bikini, you have to borrow a baby's vagina. This thing is also going to go right up your Pikachu. It's the only bikini that comes with a box of Monaster, because you're

gonna need it. I'm speaking from personal experience when I say this feels like a bottom that you are going to have to throw in the garbage right after you wear it. I feel like you're pranking us. Kim Ka I mean, one day you're wearing a tortilla chip bikini, the next you're showing up in a Batman onesie. Which one is it, Kim? You need to tell us you are later. Anyway, I bought one. And finally, let's talk about a group that's definitely not buying any tortilla kinis

the Taliban. These assholes fought for twenty years to get back in control of the Afghan government, but now that they have it, it's not nearly as fulfilling as they thought. Meanwhile, to the Taliban, it's been almost a year to a half since the US left Afghanistan, and apparently the ruling Taliban is uh. Other board interviews with former mujahideen revealed that they're not happy holding down government jobs in the city. We had a great degree of freedom during the war,

said one fighter. However, these days you have to go to the office before eight am and stay there till four. Yeah. Others complained about traffic and crime rates in the city and worried that easy internet access has gotten everyone addicted to social media. Okay, before you laugh, I follow a bunch of jihadas on TikTok and they do really have good life. Hacks. I mean a lot of it involves actual hacking, but still it's something to think about. I

can't believe this. The holly Ban is addicted to social media, hates traffic, and they're scared of the crime rate in the city. Are they a terrorist group or a white girl from the valley who knew the tolly Ban or such whiny bitches? You sound like Tucker Carlson. Actually, you guys do have a lot in common on No Matchmaker, but it sounds like a swipe to the right, the far right. Apparently the tolly Ban really hate living in

the city. Will guess what, None of the Afghan people in the city wanted you there in the first place. All the women who liked going to school and driving and working won't miss you. If you hate the city so much, go back to your cave and work by zoom like the rest of us. Okay, I'm not even in the studio right now. I'm using a zoom background because I'm really at Burning Man, and that's why I'm on Iahwaska for more on the Taliban. We go to Afghanistan,

where Daddie L. Dick is reporting live. That's right, Chelsea, I'm here on the front lines with the Taliban. And for the record, these guys are not like them all Santa. Their beards are one percent. Reel found that out the hard way the front lines of what I mean. I thought the war is over. Yes, the war with the United States is over, But an office job is its own type of war. That the Taliban is not prepared for.

Getting hit by America missiles is bad. But compared to everyone finding out that you're the office pooper, I think we'd all rather take the drones. But isn't this what the tolly bon wanted? Why would you spend twenty years taking over a country if you didn't want to run the country. Oh, they want to run the country, but they didn't know what working is like these days. I saw one veteran fighter accidentally logged himself out of slack.

Then he tried to log in, but it said he had to verify with his phone, but his phone said that he had to verify the phone with slack. And then he tried to call I T but they only use slack, And long story short, by the end of the day he beheaded himself. Not to mention, this is a whole new power structure for them, and they have to answer to an HR person. Now the tolly ban has HR. Yah, someone's got to handle all the complaints about the women in the office, mainly that there's women

in the office. This that makes sense. It's bad, Chelsea, and they can't do anything right. They try to throw an office party, but they don't allow alcohol here. No alcohol? So what just beer and wine? No? No, I mean no alcohol. Can you imagine having to interact with coworkers without drinking. No, that sounds awful, miserable. Well, now that that's holly gone, is demoralized, maybe this is America's chance

to go back in and defeat them. Well, the beauty of this is that we don't need to do that, Chelsea. We can just sit back and let the monotony of the nine to five office culture take its toll as their cubicle walls closed in on them and the fluorescent lights drain them of their will to live. So what Americans basically did to ourselves, No, that's totally different because in America we let women do it too. Thank you so much, Daddy, and I will we come back and

we'll bring some other people to tell Joe. So don't go away, Welcome back to the Daily Show. Um, there are a few more stories out there that I'd like to talk about, so I thought i'd bring in some friends to discuss it with me. Please welcome Larry Owens, Matteo Lane, and Sam Jay Welcome. Welcome to the show, you guys, thanks for being here tonight. Thank you, thanks for having us. Um, there's some stuff in the news

that I would like to get your takes on. First of all, Leo DiCaprio is rumored to be dating a nineteen year old woman, but then it said he may not be dating a nineteen year old woman. But I think that the truth is that he probably is dating a nineteen year old woman. And he has this pattern right, And a lot of people get upset that he only dates. His number went from twenty five if this is true, to nineteen, so he's always dated women that are twenty five.

I have the opposite problem. I've only dated men that are in their fifties. Whether I'm in my twenties, in my thirties, or in my forties, I always like older man. So I have like a glass ceiling and he has a glass basement. But did you take a Fenmi obviously. I mean, do you take offense to what I mean? I don't understand what the problem is when a man can only date somebody that is like that young, like they don't matured with their own age. You know, well

that's a gay person on glinder. They always say it's just a preference. It's just a preference, you know. For real. I feel like Leo always does it, like he keeps it right above the you know what I mean, Like he doesn't go too low, were like criminal. I don't have a problem with him specifically because i'm his age. I'm forty seven. I think he's forty eight. I'll be

forty eight at some point hopefully. But I don't have a problem with him doing that because I think he's just does so much you know, good stuff too, Like he's such a big environmentalist, you know, it's not like he's a scientologist or something. My question is like he's on set, he's dealing with agents, he's in some movie, and then he's like, how's your day. She's like my lockermates the worst. Like Tom Brady is also in the

news today because he posted a picture yesterday. It was kind of a thirst trap picture just on the record, tom Brady has not come out as gay. Okay, when he does, tell me, pictures speak louder than words. Well, my issue with Tom Brady is less about his gayness, about the fact that he let his wife leave him with his children. He broke up his entire family so he could play an extra season on whatever team he's on, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Is that way? Is that the

team he's on. She's from Boston, so offended by whatever this is, he let his wife leave him so he could go play where he achieved greatness. He became a football god. That takes time. Yeah, but not yes, Okay, you can go ahead, but that's not what happened this year. He didn't achieve greatness this year. And that's why he's showing half his package. And it's the half package. Why

are you covering up the goods? I know he's sitting there like a kid who's got to be like a seven year old in church rest a pee like that was his sexy poe? Are you sitting there like a Greek Adonis with a lot to show you? Okay, let's not say things we can't take back the ground underwear those look like skims quality product. He's every gay Instagram and just in one photo. Uh, there's a nine year old named David Bolligan. He graduated from Reach Cyber Charter

School after taking online classes, So he's nine. He started high school right before COVID hit, and then he graduated in three years with a four point o g p A and he wants to be an astrophysicist. I mean, this kid is annoying the ship out of here. I mean he completed a semester at Bucks County Community College, which is the only thing I have in common with him. I also completed one semester at community college. I don't like when kids get like this, you know what I mean.

I just want to say I was nine years old. I was watching X Men, pretending I was storm and eating tricks for kids, Like, I don't know, Like, how is he already graduating college? Well, also during COVID, when everybody else is making excuses about not getting anything done because of whatever, because we're sad or lonely or alone or we're not alone enough, and this kid is just hitting it out of the park. This is another reason not to have kids. Did not send him to college,

send him to the streets. Okay, we need no more geniuses making a I okay, we need gangsters. There's been another do new discovery Jupiter. The planet has two moons, twelve of which they had missed prior, and they just found twelve more moons surrounding Jupiter. This is a very confusing time for me because if you know me, well, you know that I'm very confused about the galaxy. I just wish like we would all get to a point with scientists would just be like, hey, y'all, we don't

know ship and just stop there. Yeah, it's just all it's like, y'all don't know. I don't like finding out about planets or that aliens are coming. I know that there are aliens out there, but I don't want to commingle with them, you know what I mean. I'm not looking to meet them, and I don't want to find out any more surprising things about the galaxy. It just all kind of annoys me. It's just like NASA is like a really expensive program to look at rocks. I agree.

I agree. Why are we sending all this money to Japlina or whatever and we can't get there. We can't get the pis smell out of the subway pities people. I know, they're they're like, look at all this water that's on this mood off Jupiter. I'm like, doesn't Flint need better water? Like? What are we doing? Thank you? Because when we come back to the Little Last Graham will be joining us on the show. Welcome back to

the Dairy Show. My guest tonight is a supermodel and designer who has become a fixture on every major magazine cover and fashion runway. Please welcome my friend Ashley Graham. I loved this audience so Niceaid Lively. I know, isn't it a wonderful, beautiful audience? Lord, audience? Now am I'm just sitting really tall and you're sitting short, um because I feel like, yeah, you feel like you're a little taller than me. Yeah, that's okay. Are you? Are you?

You want to go down now? It's okay. It's fine. You want to go downtown? You know, it's like whatever, it's fine, it doesn't matter. I don't mind that you're overpowering me. Sometimes sometimes I need to be cut down to size. Actually right, yeah, I do. Thank you for being here today. I'm so excited to talk to you. Because I always love talking to you because you're real and you're not full of ship like all these other models. Well thank you. Um, I don't like to keep it honest,

keep it real. I don't know what the other models are lying about, but I do know what I'm telling the truth about, and it's me. So I mean, I think that everybody needs to just have a little honest, honest truth on Instagram and social media. Yeah, And I feel absolutely I feel the same way because I find it very frustrating, especially when we think about young girls coming up and growing up and watching everybody on social media.

Now that everybody's dirty laundry is there to see. It's it's such a crappy example to like let them believe that everybody looks perfect all the time, where people are walking around in those tortilla chip pikini's, you know, without getting some major things done to their bodies to afford that to happen, you know what I mean. And you're all about body positivity, yeah, I mean, I like um to represent myself as someone who's just happy with who

I am. And I've had a journey, like it is a journey body confidence, being okay with who you are, is a journey, and um, there's been waves of it that I've had, you know, mental issues with my body or just physical issues with my body, and um, but you go through it, and I think that that's the whole thing is like talk about it and I don't

ever want to lie because I think about myself. Right, I think we think about when we were younger, what were the celebrities and influencers and those people that we were looking up to, And there wasn't enough being talked about then. But now we have the platform and we have the we have the space to be able to talk about it, so we don't have to deal with it. But it just is such a problem. Well, there was no phrase. First of all, there weren't influencers when we

were growing up. Nobody was in that. Yeah, and that was a more pleasant time, I would argue, but love it. But I I know before it's also medium was easier, wasn't it. It was a lot easier. But I mean there's a term and and the and the term body positivity wasn't even around when we were growing up. So now there's body positivity, which means you know, you're very happy or you embrace all of your your your short I feel positive about where I am in life and

it has gone up and down. Then there's body neutrality, which is what their body neutrality is, Like I'm just happy to be in my body like period, like I wake up. On my podcast, pretty pretty big deal, I interviewed Demilovado and she said, I can't lie to myself, like I just want to wake up and know that

my body is surviving and working. I'm not gonna lie and say like thick thighs, I love you and that all so is very honest, and I think that that's the most important thing, is that you're being honest yourself. You're being honest to the people that you're speaking to. So you're not giving this idea of perfection, um, because I mean the whole Like altering your body through just one click or one pinch, that's a lie. That's a lie to everybody that's following you. It's not nice. Yeah, no,

it's not. It's not nice. But body neutrality, I don't think I'm even there yet. Like I don't wake up and go, oh my god, my body's a vessel, you know what I mean? Like there are layers to it, even for a grown woman like myself. I mean, I can't believe I just referred myself as a grown woman, but I guess I'll what I am. That's how we say. We always we just always go in for the tennis. Back we were just like, ah, well, we're both well

known for our boots for separate reasons. You're feeding your family and I'm just entertaining people, and we aren't still here for aren't comfy. So's it's more you have you have a set of twins and you have another son, so you have three children. And that happened quick and that was a little bit like a blitz creeg for me. Yeah,

it was overnight. My whole life changed. And yes, it felt like I was just like feeding a nation, but um on Instagram because she's very you know, you're normalizing breastfeeding for a lot of people that are not comfortable with it. You have your boobs out, you're constantly pumping feeding these kids, are not pumping feeding them. You know,

it's all of the above. There's not one thing that I wanted to kind of be left in the dark, especially with like how your body is changing when you're pregnant and stretch marks and then snaggy skin and um formula breastfeeding because there's also this whole thing with people telling you how to feed your child. So it's my first kid, I was like, I could only breastfeed. This

is the right way. And then I had the twins and I was like, I'm not doing this, this is this is not working here, like both of you want both of these like, um, there's a lot of work. So I saw breastfeeding when they were five months, and I gave them the best formula that I could find in America. Bobby, and these little guys are so strong and so happy. So I don't think we should be telling people how they should be feeding their kids. But my hair fell out, like it was this has been

a journey. Like now I think I've got like little bangs that like they come like that. What is that? So your hair falls out when you have a baby, Yes, because you get all of these amazing It's like your body just fills up with nutrition and then the baby sucks it out of you, and then the baby comes out and then all of a sudden, you're just fully

depleted of everything. So your hair falls out. Not everybody, I mean, this is just my experience, but I know a lot of mothers out there the same thing happened. You get acne. I mean, the weight doesn't come off. It's just like your boobs go down to here when you're done. I have two braws on currently. It's fine, and I go Fashion Week starts to week, which, so are you walking any shows? I'm gonna walk, I'm gonna sit, I'm gonna join the parties. I already did a few things.

You love fashion week or you know, it's like a love hate right because fashion is so much fun, Like I'm wearing Balmon dress tonight right now, and it's like, thank you Olivier for making my size. And then you find a designer that you're obsessed with and they don't make your size, and you're like, what am I supposed to do? And that's just this performative act of putting one curve girl on the runway or one curve girl into a campaign, and then you can't find the clothes

when you go to the store. So there still is this this long journey I think ahead of us with designers because um, for whatever reason, there's just like this cycle of issues when it comes to making sizes. UM that can fit the US majority, which is a size fourteen sixteen. That's the that's the majority of US women. That's the size we are. So why are you missing out on this like billion dollar business? Why don't you

want to address us? I don't understand that. Yeah, right, and I'm here to support, like I love fashion, but the biggest problem is is that there just isn't enough designers making close our size. Well, you've done amazing things for a lot of models, so um, I appreciate everything you're doing on behalf of all women. Yeah. Absolutely, actually down every day and we're going to take a quick

bank and we'll be right back after this. Whatever I got before we go, Please consider supporting supporting the Carram Foundation. They are an organization providing disaster relief in Syria, and if you'd like to support them in their work, please donate at the link below. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes

anytime on Fair Amount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast