You're listening to Comedy centralow.
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central. It's America's only sorts for news. This is The Daily Show with your host Jazzy Line.
Welcome to Bay Show. I'm gunsi lighted. We've got so much to talk about tonight. The real Presidents of America have a drama filled reunion, We look at why NBA ratings are broken, and move over, black Little Mermaid. Conservatives have a new fish to be mad at. So let's get into the headline. Let's kick things off with a historic day in Washington, d C. Where former President Jimmy Carter's funeral was being held in the Washington National Cathedral.
And look, I don't know how you measure the life of a man, whether through their personal accomplishments or the lives they touched. But if you measure a life by the VIP guest list at your funeral, then Jimmy Carter was a pen.
Funeral services fit for president. Today's funeral service bringing together five living presidents, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump to honor Carter, the longest lived commander in chief.
Wow, that is incredibly rare to have five American presidents in the same room together, and even rarer to have Donald and Milania in the same room together. Kudos to President Carter, and it seemed pretty uncomfortable that they all had to sit next to Donald Trump. Just think about
the history there. Trump tried to put her in prison, accused him of said he was a secret Muslim founder of ISIS, said she was pretending to be black, and did his entire family dynasty, almost got him murdered, tried to overthrow his presidency, and paid off a porn star behind her back. And by the way, basically all of them have said that he's Hitler. So yeah, it's a seating chart so awkward that it probably had them asking
is there any extra room in that coffin. Although there was one surprising moment of chemistry.
During Carter's funeral, President elect Trump chatted with former President Barack Obama. Of course we don't know what they discussed, but the interaction seemed friendly, with both presidents talking and occasionally smiling.
Ooo, someone's trying to make elon jelly. It's a little weird for Obama though, right to go from this guy is future Hitler to oh Man, cool story, future Hitler. And by the way, Kamalin noticed, ooh ooh, I don't know if that funeral music was for Carter or for her. Kamala did the look that I do when someone behind me at the movie theater is talking. I didn't pay twenty bucks to hear you sing defying gravity. Also, this
is conclave. Why are you singing defying gravity? She did not seem happy to be sitting that close to Donald Trump. She basically spent the rest of the day flipping through that funeral program like she was going to find forty four electoral votes in it. But of course, the story dominating the news right now is the Los Angeles wildfires. There's been so many challenges as LA workers try to
control these fires, like water shortages and manpower shortages. But there's one thing that we have, an endless supply of good old fashion made in America blame. And of course, one of the country's leading blame producers is Donald Trump.
I've been trying to get Kevin Newsom to allow water to come. You'd have tremendous water up there. They send it out to the Pacific because they're trying to protect a tiny little fish, which is in other areas, by the way, called the smelt, and for the sake of a smelt that they have no water.
Okay, we'll come back to the smelt, but can we just talk about how weird it is that this senator is staring so hard at Trump the entire time he's talking. That's the kind of behavior that makes me change subway cars. And for the record, no, the LA fires have nothing to do with smelt. But in Trump's defense, words are hard and smelt only has one syllable while climate change has three. Now, obviously Trump supporters aren't just blaming fish for the wildfires. They're also going back to the hits.
Of course, we haven't even mentioned the idiotic DEI priorities that have infected the hiring of senior personnel throughout the state.
She's the first female LGBTQ plus fire chief.
She's been putting her firefighters through DEI training.
Focusing on DEI.
This state has been hijacked by the extreme left.
Rumber caraen Beth is the socialist mayor who said Castrow is a great guy.
It is VEI, that VEI, which is so sickney.
What does the EI have to do with putting out fires.
But you've got a city fire chief who thinks DEI is the number one eighth.
It's insulting.
Okay, Leo, you're at a two point oh right now, I'm gonna need you to bring it down to one point. Oh Okay. This whole argument is so annoying. Women can't be firefighters. They let dogs be firefighters, So fighting is so hypocritical. Although, to be fair, there are some signs that DEI and firefighting is a little over the top.
Remember, only gay Muslims can prevent forest fighters.
Smokey bear more like wokie bear? Am I right? Thank you? Honestly, these people really seem to think that if anyone in the LA Fire Department isn't a straight white man, it must be that the mayor use lower standards when hiring them. In fact, they're so obsessed with this it's getting a little creepy.
Seventy percent of her hires have been based on DEI.
Not muscularity, not experience, not size, not competence.
This guy's talking about firefighters like the only thing they do is pose for sexy calendars. Not muscularity, not size, not girth, not cut or uncut Sorry, where was I? For more on the Los Angeles fire, we go live to Michael Costa. Wait, Michael, what's going on? Why are you at the airport?
Well, obviously, I'm flying to LA to help out their gay fire department. You see, you heard those Fox newsbundits. There's too much DEI, so they need a straight white man with big chest muscles and that V thing going down. My doctor said not to mix steroids and ozempic, but the result speak for themselves.
All right, do you even know how to fight fires?
Of course I do, Dessy. I mean, I've blown out birthday candles. How much different can it be? And I'm not one of those pussies that needs two tries or for their mom to come over and help. What I do is I make my wish usually to get that V thing going down, and then I own those birthday candles.
But that's not going to help you with this fire. Michael.
Okay, Well, you know what will help, Dosi. One of these floppy tubes that I see firemen always pointing at fires.
It's called a hose.
But beware, DOESSI. As a straight white male, I'm obliged to put bros before hose.
You got it.
I'm sorry. How exactly does you having a white male identity help you fight fires?
Well, I'm white, so the fire will respect me. I'm straight, which means I won't leave the fire halfway through to go see Wicked. And I'm mail, which means I can always bust out fire Hose two point zero. I'm talking about my Pean desert.
Yeah, yeah, I got I got that. You know what, Go ahead, fight the fire in LA. Just get on your flight.
Oh I missed my flight, but I told United to let me pilot my own plane out there, So that's what I'll be doing.
Do you know how to fly a plane?
No, but it can't be that hard. It's just a matter of defining gravity.
Huh.
You did see Wicked?
Oh, DESI grow up. Sexuality is a spectrum.
Okay, We've got Michael cost to everyone. You find out us right and off sports, so don't go away. Well, the next is the NI Show. It's a new year, and if one of your resolutions was to spend less time with the people you love and more time with those who will never love you back, You're in luck. Because there's so much going on in the world of sports. So let's get into it and a new edition of Sports War.
Ready for bat.
It's time for brought to you by care Hem. It just for Michael Jordan was fast.
I'm Deasnieyline, I'm Jordan glat for. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.
So if I say baseball should get rid of the designated hitter, and I.
Say everybody should have to hit the umps, the hot dog vendors the ninety year old organist choke up Seymour.
I wish I was designated to hit you with a sock full of quarters.
I'd like to see you try that again when I'm sober.
Speaking of being incentive to hit people, it was the last week in the NFL's regular season, and that means it's time for some players to cash in.
Now with the final game of the season, you get those players going all out to earn big time bucks, hitting incentives escalator clauses in their contracts.
Von Miller needed just.
One sack to stack one point five million dollars in bonus. He barely gets a couple of fingers on the quarterback, but it counts. Miller only played three snaps in this game, but that's all he needed. The Tampa Bay Bucks that could have just taken a knee with seconds to go, but their future Hall of Famer needed just five more yards to earn three million bucks in a bonus, and he got it.
Whoa three million dollar bonus? These players are putting the damn and irreversible brain damage, and I gotta tell you, Daisy, I love it. You can't put a price on three million dollars.
I mean, if you did, it'd probably be three million dollars bad. Take Viscount Joel McHale. Why do professional athletes need more money just for doing their jobs? Isn't the pussy enough?
Sorry, Jordan, I should explain pussy is slaying for vagina, which is a woman's genitals. And what your face looks like without a beard?
Ooh wrong again, Lydak, It's what my face looks like with a beard in the nineteen seventies. My point is, Desie, how could you not like this? Even we get performance bonuses every time I interrupt, you make an extra fifty bucks. What do you even interrupted interrupting?
WHOA easy fifty bucks?
The system works.
Maybe you should use that fifty bucks to get a haircut that doesn't look like you're the stunt double for Tilda Swinton boom. I just hit my twenty thousand dollars Tilda reference bonus.
You keep Tilda's name out of your filthy mouth. God, I wish you were adopted, but didn't know it that way. I could break it to you when you were at your lowest and most vulnerable. Which break me to my can't loon bit of the way, Which notorious serial killer is probably Desi's real father brought to you by gambling? Gambling, it's barely addictive when you compare it to smoking crack.
Moving on, If you missed the big NBA game last night between OKC and the Cats, don't worry, You're not alone.
The NBA's in trouble. TV ratings for pro basketball games have flopped this season. Viewership is down nearly twenty percent. What's the blame? According to many, the three point shots critics accused teams of becoming excessively reliant on the deep ball in recent years.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
The ratings are down because of three pointers? Hard disagree. In fact, I got three pointers for you right here. Huh yeah, and you want to guess where the third one is?
The giant boil on your back? That's growing eyes?
Correct, what is happening to my body? But there are so fun I love these three pointers? So why would fans stop watching because of three pointers?
Jordan? Just because you only date threes doesn't mean they're fun. But that's not the real reason the NBA is bleeding viewers woke destroyed. The NBA ratings have collapsed.
Some say it's that, some say it's the e I kind of stuff.
I mean, what the heck has gone on? Bingo, it's DEI. I'll say it. There are too many Eastern Europeans in the NBA. Pack your bags, Luka, don chic and take your little c symbols back to Transylvania.
Oh Dzi, Look, I'm surprised you don't like diversity, given you were a diversity higher for this job.
Why because I'm a woman.
No, because you're a moron, Desi, which brings me to by Jordan's juiced and jack better than night? Could DESI correctly spelled DEI have given both the D and the I brought to you by gambling. Gambling. You know, if you run a storage they don't check if you're sleeping.
And finally College bull Week is over. But no matter who won, there's a clear, undisputed national champion giant novelty that's of food.
This Bowl season, a lot of the attention is on the mascots of the Bulls drenching Minnesota's head coach PJ.
Fleck with a five gallon tub of mayonnaise.
With the trophy is a functioning toaster, and there goes the pop Tart mascot, cinnamon roll going down, and look how he comes out, yup, ready to be served and enjoyed by everyone as they break off a piece of cinnamon roll mascot.
Wow, wow, I love this. We should be able to eat more mascots. It's funny how everyone's happy about the pop Tart, But when I put the Philly fanatic in my mouth, it's sexual assault.
I was I supposed to know that was his penis. You know, you know, and you're absolutely wrong. College sports should not be humanizing breakfast pastries because then when I eat them, I imagine how they were burned to death and a toaster screaming why God why, and as those hot coils roast its pastry flesh I wonder if the pain makes them taste even better, and ask myself what that says about me. But then I take another bite of their delicious Jammy pop tart blood and smile. It
brings me to Deady's bankruptcy Buster bed of the Week. Well, Jordan Clemper faced justice for what he did to the Philly fanatic. Brought to you by Gambling. Gambling twenty million homeless people can't be wrong.
Well, that's all the time we have for sports.
War, and it's next time a week debate whether Aaron Rodgers should re sign with the Jets or accept the nomination for Surgeon General.
Way, No way, Secretary.
Check your brain's interior. Donemo, my guest tonight, is an Academy Award nominated actor whose new film is called Hard Truths. Please welcome, Mary Anne John Baptiste. What a delight it is to have you on. Your performance in this movie is remarkable, remarkable, Thank you and congratulations. You're you're getting all kinds of accolades for your performance in the movie.
As a whole, you play the character of Pansy I Do, who might be described as as we saw in the clip, as a bit of a difficult woman.
Just a bit, just a bitch.
She lashes out at pretty much everyone around her, including perfect strangers. I found her quietly quite relatable, honestly.
The thing is a lot of people do have been getting a lot of people saying that's my mother, and lots of mother in law's. By the way, that's my mother in law, that's my auntie, that's my friend. A few people have professed to being her. Oh really, yeah, And I'm like, you're too self aware. She's not self aware. She thinks she's nice.
Of course she does. But that's that's a real testament to your performance in this because a character like that would possibly be hard to want to follow along and relate to and watch, but you make her so vulnerable and wrong and captivating.
Right, thank you?
Yeah, Well, it's true. This has continued a you know, decades long relationship with Mike Lee, who's an incredible filmmaker. You were nominated for an Oscar for your performance in his other movies Secrets in w and you got a little bit of bug going on right now for this movie too. I might say. He has a really interesting creative process. There's no you're not handed a script and asked if you want to be part of it. You're part of the collaboration process from the from the very beginning.
Yeah, totally. He'll call you or email you and say, I'm doing a film. I don't know what it's about, I don't know what you'll be playing in it, but we're going to have fun, and you go, yes, of course, I love that. I love being terrified.
Is he just trying to trick you into writing it for him?
Yeah? No, it's it's a really sort of creative, collaborative, rewarding experience because you you know, he respects you as a creative artist, you know, and not just an interpreter of his vision. So you really do work on it with him.
I heard that he asked you to write down one hundred people that you knew with all these different characteristics, and you made a list or did you do that on your on your own?
Oh no, he always says at the start of every project, he'll say, I want you to bring in a list of people you know from real life, and you go in, I mean, I had over one hundred on my list. But he doesn't ask for a hundred, but he wants more than five or ten.
You are an overachiever in mind. How six, I'll give you one hundred.
I think it was about one hundred and forty. Actually, oh my god. And you sit there and you describe them all to him and talk about them, and it's like being in a therapy session, only you're analyzing someone else. And then you know that list gets smaller and smaller and smaller in two or you settle on about three, between three and five people, and then you do these exercises to merge them until you've got one person, and then you start building the character from there.
And days and days and days of improv with the other actors who are cast, who are also phenomenal in the movie.
I mean, all the performances in the movie are fantastic.
Yeah, I'm curious because because you did so much improv for this character, and you were part of the collaboration process with someone like Pansy hard to shake when you went home, would you bring a little Pansy home with you?
You know what, We've got a really disciplined process. We never refer to ourselves as the character. It's always in the third person. You never say I otherwise he'll kill you. So you're used to getting out of character. But I would go I'd have her thoughts in my head. So I started to sort of hear her voice with me, saying, look at him, what's he got that shirt on for? Looks awful? You know, And I'd be like, shut up, Pansy. But when I got home, I'd cook, I'd play music,
drink wine, all the things she doesn't like doing. Right, So I was like, yes.
Shake it, I own me.
It's me.
Yes. I imagine that she comes in handy every now and again. Like I was thinking, after I watched the movie, I kept thinking about that character. I think, what would Pansy think about this? So I was wondering if you would play a little game with us, And I'm curious how Pansy would react to some of these news stories and things in the world.
Well, we'll see if we can conjure her.
Okay, do you think? Do you think? Do you need to do you have a process? Do you need to warm up? Okay, warm up? Stane? All right, First question, how does Pansy feel about AI?
What's that.
Track?
That rug?
What does Pansy think about congestion? Pricing?
It's disgusting, It's another way to get money. Out of people. If people stayed inside, we wouldn't have the problem in the first place. So maybe there should be more curfused.
What does Pansy think about Mark Zuckerberg's new look. I think we have a photo here.
She thinks he needs to be checked into hospital straight away, straight away?
And should Mary and Jean Baptiste get another Oscar nomination?
Who on earth is that?
I think this world needs a little more Pansy in it, I really do. What types of roles? Is there a particular role that you're dying to play, anything you haven't done yet that you love to sink your teeth into.
I quite like the baddies, you know, the Bond baddies, and you know the criminal mastermind, that sort of character like superhero villain. Yes, well not quite yeah, but I mean, yeah, okay, I'll love it. I'll take it.
Well.
The truth that you are so unbelievably talented you could do absolutely anything you want, So congratulations on everything, Thank you so much for being here. Is such a pleasure. Mary, Jane, Betsy. We're gonna take a quick break.
They will be right back after that.
That's our show for the night. But before we go, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents. If you can, please donate at the link below. Now Here it is your moment of sin.
The bond of our common humanity is stronger than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices. God gives us a capacity for choice. We can choose to alleviate suffering. We can choose to work together for peace. We can make these changes, and we must.
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Paramount Podcasts.