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He's The Daily Show with your Holy My good nut. Welcome to Daily Show. I'm Michael Coff that We've got so much to talk about tonight. NASA astronauts are about to get very sick of that freeze dried ice cream. Joe Biden sends Proof of Life, and Elon Musk is mad on the Internet. But first, let's kick things off with another installment of Indecision twenty twenty four. Donald Trump
hasn't been having the best time lately. He's losing ground in the polls, his opponents are dominating the news cycle, and someone just showed him what JD. Vance looks like without the beard. So it wasn't surprising that when Trump held a news conference earlier today, he had the frustrated energy of a coach after losing four games in a row. Oh, give me a break. He's so mad. He's so mad. That's what I sound like when I check out of a hotel and I find out there was a pool feed.
It's like, give me a break. I didn't even know there was a pool all right, Matt, look, just tell us how big your crowds are, and try not to be weird about it. I've spoken to the biggest crowds.
Nobody's spoken to crowds bigger than me.
If you look at Martin Luther King.
Who whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa No no, no.
No, no no no. Hold on, all right, let's be careful comparing yourself to Martin Luther King here. I know you were both investigated by the FBI, but that's about it. Do not try to say that you were more popular.
When he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything. You look at it, and you look at the picture of his crowd, my preer, we actually had more people.
Just to sum up, Trump was asked about Kamala's crowd size, and his answer ended up being I'm better than MLK. Probably not the best answer, but it could have been worse. Trump could have been like and out of nowhere MLK decided he was black. When did that happen? Let's move on to someone who doesn't have to worry about crowd size ever. Again, the current president Joseph rode hard and put away wet Biden. He just gave his first interviews since he dropped out of the race, and after a
few weeks of resting being out of the spotlight. I bet he's entergedy in mistake free.
Are you confident that there will be a peaceful transfer of power in January twenty twenty five.
If Trump wins.
No, I'm not confident at all. I mean, if Trump loses, I'm not comfortent.
All nailed it. Look, look, that was a huge mixet, but everyone relaxed. Okay, Remember he's not the candidate anymore. He's just the president, so who cares. Two months ago, watching a video like this would have given me to start freebasing percoset. But now that he's not the nominee, I can just freebase percocet for fun. I'm just gonna. I don't do it feel fun. I do it because
I'm addicted. Let's move on, because if you're sick of the presidential race and you wish that you could spend the rest of it as far away as possible, then you're going to envy these next two people.
Some big news from NASA, those two astronauts who launched on a Boeing Starliner spaceship for a ten day mission back in June. Well, there's word now they may not be coming home until next February.
If you worried twenty twenty five. February twenty twenty five, they're gonna miss the insurrection. They were supposed to be gone for a week, and now it's going to be eight months. And this is not just an eight month trip. This is an eight month work trip. Take a good look around at your co workers and imagine spending eight months with them makes you want to kill yourself live on air, doesn't it. And by the way, they're not going to be back in eight months either. Okay, things
always end up taking longer than they say. There's a formula I use when someone else tells me how long it's going to take to fix something. What I do is I take that amount of time and I add forever to it. Okay, don't we fake all our space shit? Anyways? You know, why is this the problem? Just open the door of the sound stage in Burbank and let these people go home. But apparently it's more complicated than that.
Nasha and Boying engineers remain divided or whether it's shape to bring Wilmore and Williams back on Starliner. Their concern helium leagues and inchel thruster problems could pose serious risks. Boeing believes Starliner would bring the astronauts home safely.
I'm very confident we have a good vehicle to bring the crew back with.
Yeah, well, if you know, Boeing says it's safe. I think we can just trust them on this one, right, Yeah, I mean there are days without an incident sign. There's almost up to double digits. They got that. What's that? I'm being told that the days without incident signed fell and killed someone. Oh why are we even still going to space? There's no gravity up there. We can't breathe.
I think it's sending us a message. We already have a planet Earth right here, and it's going to be here for at least another twenty years fifteen if you use a plastic straw. For for whatever reason, we're up there. And so to those poor astronauts who are stuck up in space, I personally I give them permission to have an affair. You know, zero gravity, baby, it's the perfect excuse. Who hasn't gotten stuck in space and floated inside a coworker.
It happens to the best ells And finally, let's move on to someone we wish would get stuck in space. Elon Musk. Ever since he took over x formerly known as Twitter, formally known as a good website, he's lost every advertiser except Cheech and Chong, which is what tends to happen when your entire website is just nazis pedaling cryptocurrency to pornbots. So to get advertisers back, Musk could clean up Twitter, or he could do this.
Elon Musk's social media platform X is suing a group of major advertisers over an alleged ad boycotts. The suit claims the group organized to block billions of dollars of ad revenue over its concern about a change in brand safety standards since Musk acquired the platform back in twenty twenty two.
The lawsuit comes despite Musk previously claiming that he didn't care if brands pulled their advertisements.
There was all of the criticism, there was advertisers leaving. We talked to Bob Iyer Bay stop you hope, don't advertise, you don't want them to advertise, no go yourself, but go yourself. Is that clear? I hope it is?
Wow? Wow interesting. I didn't think it was possible to look uncool while wearing a leather jacket and telling people to go themselves, but he pulled it off somehow. Now, the go fix yourself guy might not be the best person to convince you that this lawsuit isn't frivolous and desperate and pathetic. But luckily Elon Musk hired this lady, Linda Yakarino, and as the CEO of Twitter, it's her job to give his childish outburst the veneer of grown up, and she explained this whole situation perfectly.
Hey, everybody, I was shocked by the evidence uncovered by the House Judiciary Committee that a group of companies organized a systematic, illegal boycott against X. These organizations targeted our company, and you are users. That puts your global town square the one place that you can express yourself freely and openly at long term risk. No small group of people
should be able to monopolize what gets monetized. Rest assured, X has never been more committed to innovating and expanding all of our global town square.
Wow.
That was a lot of unnecessary hand gestures and can we cool it with the global town Square thing? This isn't the only website for people to express their thoughts. Okay, you know, I'm on Instagram, I'm on Reddit, I've got an OnlyFans where I scoop oatmeal with my feet. I'm fine, and I don't do apple cinnamon, so stop asking. Okay, but actually, that wasn't the only video that Linda Yakarino made here at the Daily Show. We just got an advanced copy of her next one.
I was shocked to learn that people think our lawsuit against advertisers was stupid and a waste of time. In reality, we are defending ourselves. Without advertisers, we will die. People say that we are being big cry babies who don't understand basic capitalism, But we believe that we at X should be able to continue to platform sexual harassers and not the whoopsie diverse voices without suffering any consequences. There
are not one, not two, but three important reasons for this. Currently, we are drowning in debt and lawsuits are the only way that we can make money. We are going to win this lawsuit. We need to win this lawsuit because no one else will hire me after this shit.
When we come back, Grace kallisman A fends Kama Baluzza, So don't go away.
Welcome back to the Danna shof this way. Kamala Harris held her first rally where her new vice presidential picked Tim Walls. Grace Kohlenschmid went down to check out the vibes.
I'm here at Philadelphia, Kamala Harris's first joint rally with her newly minted VP pick Tim Walls.
Wow, I've been doing this.
Much excitement about a white guy since the last one dropped off the thicket.
The party people are here to slay, But are these cammalamaniacs ready to get Walls killed?
So?
How excited are you about Tim Walls?
On a scale from Joe Biden is running for president to Joe Biden just dropped out?
Completely excited, That's all I'll say. Mostly excited, like mostly really.
Excited, So excited. Yeah, it's so awesome.
We're pumped.
You look really popped.
The excitement is infectious. Even jd Vance's nemesis is here.
I think we're all will be fun.
I don't know a whole lot about him, but I trust Kamala's instinct.
These Democrats were still discovering their new candidate, so I wanted to bring them face to face with the man himself.
All right, So curious, Tim, how do you feel looking at him for the first time?
I like him.
I like him.
Oh shit, yeah, wait, my bad, sorry, Tim Walls.
Tim Wall, I thought it looked.
Like Kim Kaine.
I got them confusing. He looks like every other white guy.
Yeah, but he's a teacher.
True.
What is it that you love about Walls?
Friendly dad, energy, friendly dead energy.
That's very fun.
He served this country in every way, so many capacities.
But can he serve yes?
Yeah?
Who will make sure that he could serve? Right?
So Tim has a lot of positives, but nobody wanted to name the albino elephant in the room that makes him such a political asset.
He's well loved by his stake.
And his name is two syllables, two Walls, and I think he's he'll he'll bring the voters that she meets because.
We need somebody from the heartland.
And he seems more relatable to average joe.
Veteran coach, teacher, gun owner.
And nothing makes me more secure than a white guy with a gun.
I love it.
He knows about hunting, farming, he knows those people.
Those are his people, those people, I know what you're talking about.
Oh the Midwest? Are we allowed to say those people?
After talking in circles for hours, somebody was finally ready to come out and say it.
I mean, she definitely did it. I hate it all one someone white.
Yeah, it's kind of like hello, like they run the world.
A little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's good to have a white guy back, isn't it.
I mean, diversity is wonderful.
We can make an exception right in a way special white males.
Yeah, you're right.
How crazy is it that there hasn't been a special white male on the Democratic ticket for the last sixteen days, one hour, and fourteen minutes.
No, it wasn't it hard for you to these past three weeks.
You weren't kind of like, where am I going to have some representation around here?
I feel represented right now.
So that's what's up.
A shout out ten giving white guys a whole new way to look at the world and understand that they have a place there they can belong. By having a black Asian woman as Democratic candidate.
So I think it was necessary that we had a white man.
In a way.
Was he kind of like a DEI hire?
Oh?
Absolutely?
Okay, So we know Tim Walls is white, but is he white enough to win all nineteen.
Electoral votes from Pennsylvania? Have you guys seen him play a Hackey sack? Have you seen him outa Dave Matthews Man concert? Have you seen him meet yogurt?
Have you seen him say I love yogurt, I love eating yogurt, and I'm a white guy.
Have you seen him say that? Is he white enough?
Who's close to Lily White? I think so?
Do you think so?
Well?
When it comes to white he's right tatcha Okay? Cool?
Okay, So let's see some real American style diversity in action in Minnesota.
We respect our neighbors and their personal choices that they make. There's a Colden rule. Mind your own damn business.
He's definitely white.
It's clear that this ticket is already reaching across the aisle.
Their platform speaks for us way more than the Republican platform.
This might be a crazy question, but have you thought about just being Democrats?
So I want more of everyone in American real life that not all Republicans are weird.
I think that's really beautiful.
Yes, changes in the air.
Republicans are getting less weird and Democrats are getting less normal.
And some things are more of the same than ever.
Let's look in the camera together right now and say it, Hey, white guys.
Future's happening.
Baby. We're back.
Like a grace and welcome back.
Canadian Hannah Burner will be joined me on the show Don't Go Away.
Welcome back to the data set. My guest tonight is a stand up comedian whose Netflix special is called We Ride at Dawn. Please welcome Hannah Burner. I mean, look at this is amazing. This is your so daily show.
I tried to match the energy.
Yeah, that's great, that's great. Congrats on your special. It's doing great. It's very funny. I feel like bachelorettes. It's unfair to compare them to cults, because cults give you this swee escape of death.
I mean, I'm well versed in a lot of cults. Their sister wives. Sometimes it's just running around naked.
It depends on the cult, Michael.
Some are better than others, and I would fall for one. I am one of those people fall for a call.
It's always a very compelling person. It seems to be.
Good at sales, like.
I mean, so naturally your comedian. But was this drawn from some bachelorette experience? There had to be some people that mad about this joke.
I hate to call myself out, but it was my bachelor. The audience made me feel really bad about that. No, but I kind of felt this weird sense of power, like everyone was like, look, making sure I was okay, and I was like, with the in the wrong hands, this could go real wrong.
So I think I was able to be good.
But it's just look, there's already a wage gap and we're paying all this money for bachelorettes. Honestly, I feel like the man came up with the bacherette.
I okay. I remember when people were like, Michael, are you doing a batch of party? And I'm like, I'm a stand up comic who's on the road. Everything it's all about your party. It's all about your party. You you hit the road, you are stand up comic. You've got a lot going on. But let's talk about being a woman in comedy, because it seems like a tough path.
Do you want to become one.
I've become a woman in comedy in a serious sense. You gotta have some thick skin to do this.
Yes, Yeah, I do think that people wonder why there's no more women in comedy, But starting off and seeing that you have to go to these bars late at night so many hilarious women are like, maybe there's other things I could do because this is kind of annoying.
Yeah.
I do think that like having TikTok and having other avenues has helped me kind of be able to work on my material a lot without having to deal with drunk people in bars.
Yeah too much?
Or what about just the dudes in the green room judging all the time. And I say that as one of those dudes, but there is a male.
You want to tell them what happened?
What did what did?
What happened?
What happened?
Well, you brought your dog Walter to the green room once, shit, And I was trying to have like a safe, calm energy before my show and Walter just growled at me. And I'm already dealing with all the comics give me weird energy. This dog doesn't like me.
Yeah, And I thought dogs could read good character.
Yeah, well maybe he can. So. Walter is a dick my dog and you should follow Daily Show Dogs. There's a lot of pictures of him on there. But you know, if you had him for the weekend, he would he would snuggle up with you. I appreciate although I noticed on your special and the end, the very end, I watched it all the way through to the end. You thank some people, one of which is your cat.
Yes, Butters, Butter, Butter saved my life.
Tell me, tell me how my therapy cat, which is perfect cause it says it says on here, how did your cat save your life? It doesn't say that. I've never heard that before. How did that happen?
You know?
I'm on the board of Childless Cat Ladies, And am I trying to run for something right now?
What am I doing?
No?
But I do feel like there's moments where a cat just being there for you, not judging you for all of your mistakes and regrets. She just loves you for you, and that was important in some hard times in my life. Yeah, because you know, comedy is a coping mechanism. I think having a really cute animal is also a coping mechanism.
This whole business is people saying no to you. But when I come home, my dog says yes to me. And that sounds like very sexual. What I just said, I don't didn't mean it to sound like your special is not. It's going. Keep going, Michael, keep going. Don't talk about your dog after bad sex. All comics should have a pet that loves them no matter what. Yeah, because the audience doesn't always love you. No, it's true
your special. I'm a man and you say you say at some point in your special like there's not there's not a lot of men here. You point you single out a guy.
Yeah, yeah, And.
I'm like, oh, I'm sure he loved that. But you know, was I as a man? Was I allowed to consume? And way?
I love that.
I feel like it's kind of like you know what the reality TV shows the guys who are like, I'm not into this stuff, but then like half an hour in you see him in the kitchen, just like, why did she say that to her?
Did she say that?
So?
I feel like this is a great special to watch with your guy. And I feel like it's kind of the female locker room, like they hear things or or girls are like, see, I'm not the only one.
Yeah, who like during a can I say queeth anyway?
I feel like I like kind of just speaking out as a child community and making guys kind of understand us a little more, and like we like this comedy from a male perspective, and I think it's great to have the female perspective too.
I agree, And it's Yeah, the The Daily Show has been on the air for twenty nine years, no one has ever said queef behind the dops.
I was trying not to and it just came out.
But which that's in contradiction to what you said in the special, because in the special you said I've never queened by myself. You skinny dick quefed me?
Yes, yes, I don't know if I use the term skinny dick. You just said that.
Oh shit, I said you you think a lot of girls have been gaslet to believe like they have a problem if they beef and it's like he queafed you.
And I got a lot of messages.
I got a lot of messages from women being like it happened tonight, and I felt no shame And if that's what I bring to the world, that's what I brought.
I mean that's like a lot of I mean, this audience apparently does a lot of queafing crowd. Speaking of Queef's there's no way I was gonna say that we've played tennis together. We have, but that doesn't have to do with kleiving. But grunting is a sound that our bodies make different location.
And grunting's just like laughing, which we love to do.
And we might edit a lot of that out.
Yeah, but people don't know that. When I first started comedy, we hit tennis balls together and I remember being like, Wow, this is a guy who played tennis who's a successful comedian. Maybe there's a chance that I could, you know, do well in this business.
And look look where we are now.
It's pretty cool.
Yeah. I like how you're saying we The reason Walter growled at you is you saw the trajectory of your career. He was like, stop her now, no, I mean you played in University of wisconsinas go Badgers. I mean, what is this? What is this evoke? What does that evoke for you? By the way, that's her. We didn't just pull like.
No, you know, I was in it, you know, waking up at six am, waits tennis. I yeah, you know, I worked my butt off, and I do think that there was a moment when I didn't go pro, I was like this was all for nothing. I'm glad I wasted fifteen years in my life and I really now looking back, realize how tennis did prepare me for a lot of the adversity that I've dealt with with comedy, and how with comedy you're never like a real loser unless you like tell yourself you're a loser. Because I could,
I could be like they liked it. They were laughing with their nose like they were tennis.
It's like you lost suck.
So I've been much kinder to myself with comedy than I was with tennis. And I think, you know, dealing with pressure has been easier compared to like some of the things I dealt with with tennis.
Why is the junior tennis world excuse that's a very We're just gonna talk about unior tennis, but this, it's very neat is You're so true about being kinder to our and I think it's something we all can do all the time. Positive self talk. And I and as junior tennis player, heard you should be positive with yourself, but it wasn't happening. No, is this is junior tent. I mean, is it traumatic? Is it good? You said it prepared you.
Yeah, Because I'll joke with my dad, I'm like, I think you were too tough on me.
He's like, well, you turned out okay, So I think I did good.
Controversial, No, but I do think it's the joke about was good and.
You got Tennis to think.
You get my sense of humour from him.
But I do think when we were growing up, I mean, you're a little older than me, but when we were growing up, we didn't have we weren't people weren't aware of like the mental health as much, and we knew that it was supposed to be hard, and it was just whoever can push there's themselves harder. And I didn't realize that you could have fun and be a winner. And I think with comedy I've learned like you can laugh,
have fun and also succeed in ways. And I think it's a cheat code to decide not to be mean to yourself. And that took a long time for me to learn. But it's like with Tennis. I loved it, but it didn't always bring me joy. And I didn't realize that you can stop and find something that brings you joy that you'll also be good at too.
I love that. That's excellent and that's great. What are your jobs? What your jobs find joy? Do drugs? Do you still follow? Tennis? Follow?
It's crazy.
I'm like newly back obsessed with tennis. I watch tennis all day. I'm training again, but.
Like you're training, it's almost like therapeutic.
In my own way, Like I take a lot of breaks.
Yeah, that's okay. Who of the pro players out there? Men are women? Who are you like, can't take your eyes off of? Or who's resonating with Hannah?
Shout out to some young Americans. Emma Navarro had a great season, famely talented, Jesse Pegoula, Cocoa Goff, Ben Shelton.
What is it that you look for in a pro What is it that you look for?
Like?
I like fashion, and then I like I like backhand. I really want to play it as a badass backhand, right.
I like a player who's fearless.
Oh, I like a player who goes for things and does things that I never had.
Yeah, footspa correct to do.
On my own I love that.
I want to see people, yeah who seem like they have no fear, even though I know they're all scared. It's cool to see like they're not human.
I love watching Ben Shelton. Ben Shelton'll hit like one hundred and fifty mine hours Second Serve, And the way I used to it Second Serves is like this, please get please, please please please go in.
I mean, I think it's tennis is such a mental battle. So I love seeing people overcome their.
Nerves and fears.
And I also kind of love to see when they are human, like when Sabalanka lost her serve. That was so human of her, and then she won a major after that. So I love seeing people deal with adversity and I love comebacks. I love revenge.
Honestly, sports is the best reality TV.
Let's talk about last thing you get. You mentioned it revenge, revenge.
It's just sillient.
You're okay, That's that's That's all I need to know. No, But I mean, one of the things that endears one of the things that I really love about you is your work ethic. I mean, before the show, I see you doing man on the street in the City of New York, afterwards, You're always like your you got your podcast, you got your TikTok, You're crushing it. What is driving this? Is it some kind of revenge.
I would say that's a glamorous I would love to blame revenge, but like I'm running from my thoughts. When I'm sitting alone for an hour, I start to be like, who is going to die? And I or I just I love working. It makes me feel fulfilled. I love creating. But I also think revenge, like there's always going to be people don't believe in you or people who try to take you down. And I think as a tennis player,
we're very individual. So I kind of have this story in my head where I'm like, I'm going to take all that energy and help motivate me every day to like, keep working, keep creating.
I love it. Hannah Burner we ride it down for streaming on Netflix's Hannah Burner. We're gonna take a quick break. I'll be right back. I thought, show up at tonight now here it is a moment of zam.
They can convince the media that this is nice and friendly, but for a lot of people, it is angry, hateful, divisive type policy.
And these are just facts, Mary Katherine Ham. I mean, if you know Minnesota and I don't, well, especially Milwaukee, it's changed, It is never recovered from twenty twenty, and it's not the same place.
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