You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, it's summertime, that wonderful time of the year when the sun is out, kids are playing, and I slept so much my shirt turns into a map by the Middle East. My nipple is the Gaza Strip. You don't want to go anywhere near it. And on the hottest days, you have a few options. You can hidrate, you can stay indoors, or you could always go to the beach, but only if you want to die. Sharks summertime close encounters scareses feet from shore.
In South Carolina, a shark in knee deep water just feet away from swimmers, and in New Jersey, a sixteen foot great white feasting on a bag of bait before swimming away. This year, Hawaii has already seen twice as many attacks as they did all of last year, and just last week, this great white was tracked near New York's Long Island. When a white shark bites a person, it is a mistake because it thinks that that person is a sealed Wait a minute, So if a white
sharks biting you, it's a mistake. But if a black shark gets caught with just a little bit of weed, it goes to jail for life. That doesn't seem fair. And also, what do you mean if I get bitten, it's because I look like a seal? So now I'm getting eating and body shame. Talk about adding insult to injury. And if you're thinking no problem, I'll just stay in the shallow water where it's safe, well, good luck, sucker. There are new concerns about rare but potentially deadly flesh
eating bacteria found in warm waters. Potentially deadly bacteria can enter the body through a cutter of screen. According to the CDC, the bacteria causes eighty thousand illnesses and a hundred deaths in the US every year. Just pay attention. Don't be afraid of the ocean, but be aware of what's going on. Be aware it's bacteria. What am I supposed to do? Snorkle with a microscope? At least with a shark. I can hear the fin and and the and the jaws music, I can see the Finn. But
flesh eating bacteria is a silent killer. Like Jason, It's what I've always respected about him. He's in it for the stabbing, not the chit chat. Also, what's with these bacteria? They never eat the flesh that I don't want. How about instead of my leg, why don't you guys take a nibble on my love handles. That way you still get to eat, and I don't look like a seal. So so it's dangerous in the water. It's danger is close to the water, and you think you're safe way
up on the beach, you better duck. Warning about a surprising summer danger beach umbrellas flying through the air, seriously injuring beach goers in Ocean City, Maryland, and a bystander filming as the wind picks up these umbrellas and turns them into projectiles. The videos wild and the situations incredibly dangerous. Over the last ten years, there have been reports of over thirty two thousand injuries related to umbrellas across the country.
Did you see that it's an umbrella uprising? We always thought it was gonna be the robots. We never suspected the umbrellas, and who can blame them for organizing? We treat them like shit. They only get pulled out in the extreme heat of the rain. We're never like, oh, it's a beautiful day, Ma Brella deserves a walk. But on the plus side. If you survive an umbrella in Paling, at least you'll never need to buy sunscreen again. So, whether it's sharks or bacteria or umbrellas, everything on the
beach once you dad. But don't worry, kids, you can just simulate the experience at home. Just turn off your air conditioning, stand in the tub with a peanut colata, and shove a fistful of sand up your ass. Happy summer, everybody. The Daily Show with Trevor no Ears editions. Subscribe to the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive contents, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast