You're listening to Comedy Central. Hello Friends. One was a lot of things, but more than anything, it was the year of exits. Everyone was exiting something. People were exiting their jobs. Deontay Wilder exited consciousness. Even Bill confor got out of jail, and that was an exit that nobody wanted. And you might have thought the most expensive exit of the year was Bill and Melinda Gates divorce. But you're forgetting a much bigger separation that costs more money than
Microsoft Boy could ever dream of. After nearly twenty years, the last U S troops have left Bogram Air Base in Afghanistan, obviously the the end of the chapter for America's forever war. The total costs they've estimated is two point to six one trillion dollars. Damn, two point six one trillion dollars. I'll America pay for that on a credit card because those points will come in handy when we're booking flights in the next country we were invade.
Does Iran take chase a fire? I guess we'll find out. But yes, after twenty long years, the US finally left Afghanistan. And you know it's really over because America didn't even accidentally leave a toothbrush behind, so we have an excuse to go back. Whoops, silly me. But maybe while I'm over we can try someone nation building again. And while no breakup, it's never easy, this one was handled especially poorly,
although not as poorly as my last breakup. You think Afghanistan was bad, you try telling me you want to see other people. You don't need to withdraw from my apartment. I'm throwing your ass out the window myself. Where was I? Oh? Yes, while our troops were exiting Afghanistan, some of the richest Americans couldn't wait to exit America, and they were going to the normal rich people places like Monico or Fiji or Jeffrey Epstein's Island. No, they were exiting the Earth's atmosphere.
Billionaires in space, Richard Branson going where no billionaire has gone before. Hours from now, Jeff Bezos will be launching to the heavens. Space, like senior director said, the company actually saw an increase in increase from people who wanted to buy a private spacecraft. So clearly there are a lot of rich people out there, much richer than the rest of us. Well, first of all, this is relatable after a year of lockdown. I was ready to blast
in the space too. And these billionaires don't even live next to an apartment with a poodle yap in all damn day, just pooping the house. Mr Sprinkles, nobody cares your owners is nasty anyway. Still can't get these rich judes to calm down. I guess for these guys, you're not rich unless everyone knows you're rich. Humans, martians, Cleon's the warms from Doom, whatever the hell Chewbacca is everybody now. What I don't understand is why their rockets keep going
up and then land them back on Earth again. If you're gonna get the out, get out, you keep calming and going listen, arch, don't start charging. You will grab a charge. And no, we're not giving you a wrist band either. You're gonna have to pay every time you come back in. But not everyone's exit was voluntary. Take former President Donald Trump. No, I'm not talking abou him getting kicked at the White House. I'm talking about him getting kicked off of the place he cared about a
lot more social media. Well they did it. Donald Trump has officially been kicked off Twitter in the wake of Wednesday siege right here at the Capitol. The social media giant announced late Friday that Trump is now permanently suspended from the platform. A long list of social media sites have now either banned or restricted President Trump, including Twitter, Facebook, YouTube,
and Spotify. Yeah ha, Trump got booted from basically every social media site in January, and you know why, which is kind of a shame because it deprived us of what might have been the funniest milk great challenge of all time. I mean, he even got kicked off of Spotify. I know Trump did a lot of damages president, but what could he have possibly done on Spotify where they scared to start a podcast? Because lord no, you wouldn't want anyone on Spotify hyping up middle aged white men
with misinformation. While billionaires were exiting gravity and Trump was exiting Twitter, Americans were exiting their damn minds. I know, nobody likes wearing mask and getting a shot, but some of y'all were embarrassing yourself. We don't see up. It's only gonna get worse. You don't need a mask, you might wanting one warning. Really, what in the hell when did every American become a mix between mel Gibson and Braveheart and Mel Gibson after his arrest and for what
because the mask feels itchy on your ship? Go t come on to I'll tell you who. I feel bad for those poor flight attendants. How do you lose your damn mind to the point where you assault the person that's supposed to save you in a plane crash? I know if somebody gotten outitude on my plane, I have no problem opening the door and letting the ask get sucked out. You found the right one to day. So there you have it. Those are the biggest exits of one. Now it's excuse me. I have to make an exit
of my own. I got an exit my apartment and find a new place. I'm done living next to Mr Sprinkles. You win, you gaping ask dog? So does anyone know of the one betroom apartment where the neighbor is not a poodle? Two bedroom, three bedroom. I have money. I'm currently on TV No Racist watch The Daily Show weeknights Central or Comedy Central in stream Fool episodes anytime in Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast