You're listening to Comedy Central. Howdy partners. I'm here in Texas, the state that grabbed twenty twenty one by the horns and made it its bitch. Yeah. Everything that happened this year happened in Texas. The border crisis, que and on resurrecting JFK JR, me developing a crippling dependency on brisket. Mm hmmm. Of course Texas wouldn't have had such a big year without its governor Greg Abbott. He banned mass mandates, he banned vaccine mandates, he banned vaccine cards because the
best way to fight COVID is your freedom. And I see you, bit, but we ran out because of all the COVID bill bill bill bill battles. And maybe some Texas haters will say that Abbott didn't do enough to suppress COVID cases. Well, sorry, it was too busy trying to suppress something else. If an act the Texas voting legislation would in drive through in twenty four hour voting, including prohibiting Sunday voting before one pm, which critics say
unfairly impacts black voters. What's that stake? Then, effectively the voting rights of black Texans. Did somebody say, Steak, that's right, you got a bitch As states. Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the lines to vote in black communities. And if you're one of those wind states who say, oh, there's no such thing as voter fraud, why don't you put
your money where your mouth is, because Texas did. Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick A. Trump Ally had promised to pay up to a million dollars if anyone came forward with examples of voter fraud. Fraud he said that existed with no evidence, and he's now made the first payout. But in an ironic and expensive twist, it was fraud being committed on behalf of Republicans. So here's the first check for twenty dollars. It went to a poll worker
in Pennsylvania who reported a Republican who voted twice. Yeah. See that totally proved this point in kind of the way. That was the exact opposite of this point, and the best probabless Texas bounty story. It's not even the only Texas bounty story. From let's last win that second bounty story. Now, go shit, that's a third TV this week. Just play the clip. The nation's most restrictive abortion law, is now an effect in Texas after the Supreme Court ignored of
request to block it. The measure band's most abortions after six weeks of pregnancy and makes no exceptions for incest or rapes. What's unique about this law is that it's enforced by private party, is not by government officials. That means private citizens can't sue anyone who aids or bets an unlawful abortion, from the doctors who performed them to drivers you take women to the clinic. Okay, this law may be horrible for women, but you gotta admit it's
grateful to want to post the industry. And that's like, not Texas as economy and say what you want, but what other state would have had the balls to turn the entire population into snitches? Not Rhode Island, Do Rhode Island. The fact is Texas was a powerhouse all year long, even when they didn't have power in their house. Millions in Texas tonight are living a freezing nightmare without power,
huddled against subfreezing temperatures. Nowhere is harder hit than Texas, where more than three million homes and businesses are without power and heat. The electrical grids simply can't handle the demand. Texas it's on its own power grid, and that has a lot of people asking why was the state that's known to produce energy so unprepared for this crisis. That's right, there's the Texas is independent power grid. The energy capital of America had no energy this past year. Texas was
even number one at Irony Pipo boasting. Cell phone towers were down. People couldn't even put gas into their horses. But who tas here in Texas was so tough, we don't even need electricity? Oh god, somebody plays out I dot a udgeon. Hey, the point is as epic as two twenty one was with Texas. It was also a tough time, and when things got tough, the Ted Cruises got going. Republican Senator from Texas Ted Cruz faces growing backlash for leaving his home state and flying to Camcoon
while Texans were dealing with this crisis. The invattled Texas senator first claimed he was merely escorting his family to Camcoon for a vacation and coming right back, but leaked texts from his wife, Heidi, appeared to show the entire Cruise family was planning to stay in Mexico through the weekend to escape the bitter cold, inking havoc in Texas. That's right here in the while west. Yeah, either died
or you right off into the sunset. And Ted Cruz rode off into the sunset while people in this state died. He's an ultimate Texans, which is why I gotta take my hat off to you, Ted Cruise. Oh another power out it that's my cuteness in goodatal fairly well te uh. I will see you next year in Cancun. Uh huh. What's the Daily Show? Weeknights eleven ten Central on Comedy Central. In stream full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast