Thanks, Nathan. It's really good that you, you've decided to come on and it's, it's my quest this year to get in touch with more patrons and people I know through the Chronicle community that maybe I've interacted through Discord with and chatted with. And I've chatted with you maybe once before on Discord now chat, paint chat room areas there. But yeah, get in touch with more of my patrons and have them on
on the show. And so I know who I'm, who's been who's, who's sending me their patronage every month. It's nice to connect with them and, and get to know them more. So. And we've got you connected with a bunch of gamers down in Sydney right here. Yeah, that's right. That's right with Con FX from the Discord, also Zoty Pics and Canon Star that we've been playing together, sometimes together, sometimes not together, but not all of us together.
But we've been having and having a lot of fun down at a gaming club down in South Sydney, which has been excellent. I didn't even know things like that existed until very, very recently when time effects just very generously said, hey, I am got your membership, so now you kind of gotta gotta come. That's how we that's. It but yeah, no, he's he's been very, very generous, very kind, really nice guy. It's been really nice developing a friendship with him.
Learned a lot of things about the community, about about the painting, about gaming. It's just been having a lot of fun, which is what it's all about, right?
Yeah, yeah, no, Carnifex is a great guy and sadly we just haven't got together to do more podcasts together because I've really enjoyed his community focus on our Discord especially, so we've got to make that our focus again this year and get him back on so. But yeah, he's a top bloke, Carnifex. So I'm really glad to have crossed paths with him because I think it was only after our first conversation I said, mate, do you want to come on the you
want to join by the podcast, You can see he just seems like a very friendly, laid back, easy, easy going guy. You know, he's just, he just has that personality that I think people lot of lot of. Lot of fun to game with as well. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I'm hoping he's going to come to Japan at some point and so we can play 40K together or vice versa. I go down to Australia and play 40K with him, so yeah, that'd be
good. We've got a lot of plans to play a lot of different games that I've never played before, which is good, so I'm more sorry about. What's the name of this club? What's the name of this game? Club South Sutherland Shire Gamers Club. So yeah, I live in this South of Sydney, so it's 20 minute drive for me which is great. Now it's a lot longer drive for Zoty Biggs, but I think it's an hour driver so for him, but for yeah, kind of fix myself and Canon style.
We both live relatively close, so nice and local and all the guys there are really friendly. A lot of people playing all sorts of games, a lot of historical games or modern versions of 40K and lots of other games I've never seen before. But all really nice friendly, happy to have a chat which is good, it's nice. Yeah, it sounds like a good, good atmosphere to be gaming in
mate with good people. So yeah, if anybody is in the South southern part of Sydney and they would like to be initiated with with a free membership from Carnifex, I'll have to leave a link somewhere down below in the show notes. You can go and check it out and get in touch with the the club organizers and head down there one day. Amazing tables and more terrain than you can imagine.
Like amazing sort of terrain. I was like, before I discovered it, I was spending so much money just buying card stock things and trying to make stuff myself. And then I walk in and see all this stuff. I'm like, I can stop doing that. It's. You. Know real life really nice terrain makes a big difference for me when you're playing, you know, I really like that sort of immersive sort of narrative aspect to gaming and I find you know, with paint nicely painted miniatures and good terrain,
nice table really helps a lot. I get a lot more enjoyment out of it. A lot different to playing on the bedroom floor when I was a kid or on even on the even on the ping pong table that's a little bit older. Yeah, we did the same mate. Yeah, yeah. But you know, they were fun times too.
It's, it's interesting because all as war gamers who people who are curious in this very niche hobby of ours that we've all evolved from the floor hammer to the ping pong table to now, you know, Fast forward many years later, we've got proper tables, flock tables, gaming mats, You know, we've, we know how to build terrain. We bought terrain. You know, we're sort of now living the the aspirations and dreams as teenagers or youngsters wanting to have all
that stuff. Couldn't, no, didn't know how to do it, didn't have the means or the money necessary or just the knowledge. And now we're sort of doing it now, so. Yeah, I remember being 12 or so and thinking, oh Gee, I can't wait till I wait till I grow up and then I'll be able to afford all this Warhammer stuff and then like growing up now and I still can't afford it so. Not living in Sydney in Australia you can't, that's for
sure. No, no. And particularly with my peculiar interests of a lot of the older sort of stuff, it's can be quite expensive, but you get lucky every now and then and there's a lot of really nice people and those old hammers sort of trading groups where it's a lot cheaper than it would be on eBay otherwise. And sometimes you can make some nice deals where you swap stuff that you're not really going to use anymore or.
Or. Something that you are and vice versa about having some good experience in the in the Discord group as well. Just swapping stuff with people, sending stuff to other side of the world, but getting stuff that you really want and they get stuff that they really want and works out really nicely. Yeah, I'm avoiding those groups at all cost. It cost me nearly $1000 the last time I visited that one so. Is this for those wood elves?
That's for the wood elves and they're quickly going to be painted and turned around into a Commission and out the door again. So I can I can make a few dollars on that and hopefully have enough money to go to Australia or something like that this year with that, I think the model fund. But yeah, that that is going to be a a third edition experience, like playing third edition fantasy really for the first time this year. We're going to do that so. Yeah, well, that's that's my
real cup of tea. Third, I did 3rd Ed. Yeah, I want to pick your brain about that, mate. Well, I have to, I have to be honest to start off with in that I've never actually played a game of 3rd edition besides playing by myself. So. But that's going to change very shortly. I'm in the process of building a third Undead army and going to play against Zodi Vicks from the Discord community probably within the next couple of months. I know he's got a baby on the way, so got to get that done
before that happens. And then, yeah, the dream is to eventually play a siege game. Like when I, I first came into the hobby at the end of 5th edition, I would say. I remember I was at a a holiday camp and one of the older teenage guy running the particular group activity we're in was actually one of those red shirts from Games Workshop. And he just had one of those catalogues with him.
One of those maybe not a catalogue, just one of those brochures, you know, the ones that come in the pack of Hero Quest or, you know, and I remember just looking at it and my brain just melting just thinking, I've never seen anything like this before. And it just, you know, because I, I was one of those kids that grew up always like as far back as I can remember, just being obsessed with fantasy in
general. In terms of, you know, like movies like those good 80 movies like Conan or like Willow, Excalibur, sort of in stone Robin Hood and books like being read The Hobbit in Lord of the rings by my dad when I was a little boy and used to drool over books about Knights and you know, those pop out knight books and castles and medieval warfare
and things like that. Like I was the kind of kid that in kindergarten I would build castles out of paddle pop sticks and Lego, you know, and have imaginary little wars. And so then, you know, we, I used to do all sorts of crazy
stuff when I was a kid. You know, the stuff growing up in the 90s that kids now probably don't get the experience of. We used to, with my friends and cousins and brother and sister, we would make suits of armor out of cardboard and put like aluminium foil around them. And then we would joust each other on bikes, you know, or use like, cricket wicket stumps as swords and, you know, run around
and battle like that. So saying something like Warhammer for the first time was just like, this is just, you know, all my dreams come true. But I guess even even before that, it started with what's called crossbows and catapults. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure do. Yeah, me too. I remember even using some of the castles and that, you know, as terrain in some of my early games, even some of the miniatures just to fill out ranks and stuff. That was. Yeah, that was good fun.
But, you know, Warhammer is kind of a step up from that. So yeah, I remember. And the guy was saying, yeah, you know, there's a shop in George Street in the city. You should come and check it out. I remember paying my $0.65 to catch the 339 to George Street with my sister, brother, a couple of friends, a couple of cousins and is walking into the store for the first time. Did you ever see the one in Sydney in George St. Yeah, I, I went to that one. I think I went.
Is it across the road? Is it like across from David Jones or Maya or something? Yeah. I mean, I think it may have moved now that that's where it used to be. Yeah. And they're just walking in there and just being like, Oh my God, you know, like just having my mind absolutely blown looking at all the miniatures and the cabinets, looking at the beautiful tables, at the terrain.
And I always, I was, I wanted to get something fantasy related, but all my friends at the time were really keen on getting 40K. So I was like, well, I may as well get 40K as well because I want somebody to play with. And I was wanted eventually originally to get those Valhalla Ice Warriors, the ones that look a bit like Russian World War Two soldiers. But then going in there and they're out of stock that you know, I couldn't wait until going next time.
I had to get something. So I got the Katachan jungle fighters that even then I gave. I gave all of them those anyway and put little grenades at the end of their arrows from cut out from, you know, the painting kits that would come with a free little Britannia notches, remember? Just, you know, you just sit there and people would just give you stuff, you know, or there'd be stuff going around. It's not like walking into a Games Workshop today.
And yeah, we'll have all sorts of bedroom battlefield battles. Not playing by the rules because we're too young to really understand how to play properly. So it's kind of just like, oh, you know, my guys shoots a grenade. So it's killed all of your guys, you know, that sort of stuff. But you know, as you get older and you get more into it and you're a bit more mature to understand how to play and then,
you know, not having any money. As a kid, I would borrow my dad's lawnmower to mow all the neighbors lawns just to save money. Remember like you'd spend a whole day mowing someone's lawn and you get paid 5 bucks and my dad to teach me the the value of money would say that I'd had to give him $2.50 for the petrol and the upkeep of the lawn mower. Yeah, the bastard would make me
mow our own lawn as well. He'd just sit there my earnings to buy himself a deer, sitting in the hot summer wet watching me mow the lawn. So took a long time to save up enough money the same time I used to also work again.
You wouldn't be able to do this today, but as a kid at golf course and Michael's golf course, the sort of La Perouse area on the driving range, picking up balls, you know, and the people who, who are practicing golf would be aiming at you, you know, So every now and then you get hit, scare the shit out of you. And they, you, they dress you up in baseball, the padding for, you know, the guy behind the,
the batter, he catches the ball. You're going around in the, you know, between the trees watching out for snakes, picking up balls. And if you feel the whole garbage bin up with balls, you get paid $5. And then I remember then, you know, you do that until I can't remember until the sun was almost setting and I'd sit there and I'd be waiting for my dad to pick me up after work. I could be waiting there a long time.
And I'm just reading the Go Trek and Felix novels, you know, it was so obsessed with them, all the the Bill King ones and just kept braiding them into it was too dark to see and just just wait until my dad would come. And then eventually after doing that for a long time, I am what seemed like a long time when I was a kid. It probably wasn't that long at all. I finally saved up enough money to get a starter kit data set. But just as I did, 5th edition
ended and 6th edition came out. So I ended up getting the 6th edition starter set and by that time primary school was just ending. So the and all my friends ended up going to different primaries, sorry different high schools. So I kind of feel like, you know, this is before we had Internet and all of the mobile phones. So we all kind of lost touch with each other. And in my new school, no one was interested in playing Warhammer.
So round about that time, that's when Mordheim first came out. And I know you're not a big, big fan of Mordheim, but I love Mordheim. I love it a lot. It's actually got a lot, I find a lot of similarities between Mordheim and 3rd edition fantasy and sort of the role-playing aspects to it and even sort of the, the moods more of that sort of brim dark feeling as opposed to the sort of the brighter 4th and 5th editions. You know, everyone's got
different tastes. I kind of like the sort of darker sort of look Lord Heim has that has a lot of that. And it's just a really fun game as well. Uses the sort of 5th edition fantasy mechanics, but with a lot of sort of role-playing elements put into it, sort of stuff that you see a lot of in in 3rd edition fantasy. So I think it was my 13th birthday and I got that the starter set for more time for my birthday, but just at the same time that I didn't have anyone to play with anymore.
So I just kind of played by myself, which was, you know, not that much fun, but you know, better than nothing. And that went on for a while until I discovered beer and girls and Warhammer got left by the side. And I've no idea what happened to all my stuff. I think my parents must have just chucked it out, which is a shame because you know, that would be worth a lot now. And there's a lot of things I would have I would love to have now. But that's just the way it is.
And now you can see the more time rule book can be 300 U.S. dollars, you know, And it's just a beautiful book with a lot of beautiful artwork throughout it. But that's just the way it is. And around about that time I remember going to one of those second hand book fairs and they had a huge collection of old white dwarfs. I I wouldn't know exactly, but I'm guessing somewhere between like 100 and 150. And I would have picked up maybe 30 or 40 of them for, you know,
5 bucks or something. And just having a look at the older stuff, stuff that was out, you know, before I was even born and I had an even bigger sort of brain melting moment just thinking that this stuff is gorgeous. You know, just the miniatures, the artwork. I mean, just even having a look in the 3rd edition book, it's worth the huge amount of money it costs today just for the artwork alone. It's beautiful. It's beautiful just the way it's set out.
And I love all that, that sort of mid to late 80s sort of fantasy, the drawings, it's just, it's amazing. And again, the miniatures, you know, when I was younger, I didn't really appreciate the fact that I look at miniatures now, especially the old ones, as as little pieces of art. You know, they're statues, they're gorgeous. They're like craftsmanship and skilled. To go into creating something like that is amazing.
And you can compare it to like, not that long ago I went into a Games Workshop and my experience was quite different to that from when I was a kid. It was just, it wasn't very nice. I remember going in and being like, yeah, you know why I'm a fantasy and and more time and then finding out that, you know, the end times happened and just thinking what like, why would you do that?
Now I understand now business decisions behind it and, and whatever, but something that was so important to me for so long as a kid and to have it all destroyed, it's, it wasn't a nice feeling. And I remember looking at the table and thinking, oh, they sell like larger sort of, I don't know, you know, if you go into like comic stores and they have like Marvel sort of not miniatures, they're kind of
bigger than that. Sort of, I don't know what you'd call them like display pieces or something. So I thought that's what I was looking at when I walked into the store. But it's just that the scale creep has gotten so out of hand. They were just miniatures and they're just a lot bigger than they used to be. And just being really confused because it looked like what I thought were Space Marines, but in their new sort of age of
Sigma fantasy setting. And it's just like, why would you have Space Marines in this sort of and just learning a bit more about them, you know, you know, maybe there's something to it. And. I left the store pretty quickly and, and didn't go back again. And then, you know, I was just thinking, you know, I've got nobody, I don't know anyone who's sort of interested in, in playing that. All my friends from high school and uni have no interest at all and anything like that.
And just thinking, OK, well, you know, that's, that's the end of that really. You know, every five to 10 years I might reread the, you know, Bill King's books, the good Track and feel like ones and the Tyrion and Tackless. When I was a kid, I really liked IELTS. I still do really like IELTS. I just too intimidated to paint them at the moment that I think I will get, I will get there eventually. I think getting better every, every, every model you paint, you get better.
And then I got extremely ill, so I was never here all my whole life. I spent all of my 20s travelling around the world eating all sorts of different food, learning different languages, learning to cook really well, like very, very fit, surfing a lot, working out a lot, partying a lot, having a really good, good time of things really. And when I was 30, so I'm almost 40 now, I went on holidays to Vietnam and got food poisoning and just never got, never got
better. And things just kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse. And I went from like 100 kilos to like 60 kilos. And like, like those pictures of like, you know, concentration cancer survivors, not to belittle their horrible experience, of course, mine is nothing like that. But I was skin and bone, you know, I was spent a lot of time in and out of hospital and nobody could figure out what was wrong with me because every time they'd have a look inside,
everything looked fine. It's just I couldn't really digest food properly, let's say, spent a lot of time in the bathroom and unable to leave the bathroom, let's say, for ease and ease and being in constant very bad pain, being really nauseous all the time. Eventually, because I don't know what it is about doctors. I'm not a doctor, I'm a teacher.
I'm a linguist and a teacher, but I just spent a lot of time reading medical journals and saying why don't we do this test and maybe you should do this test and maybe we should try this medication. And eventually they found out that I had Crohn's disease and not mild form of it because every person of Crohn's disease experiences it in a different way. And in Australia, in order to get on the medication that actually works to put you in
remission, you need to fail. A lot of the medications that don't really work, that they know don't work because they're really ones that work really well, are very expensive, like extraordinarily expensive. We're talking 10s of thousands of dollars a dose needs. Yeah. So. But, you know, we have some form of universal health care in Australia. It's becoming more and more like the American model every year.
But once I could prove that if I took steroids for a year and a half, if I took chemotherapy tablets and all this sort of nasty stuff, and I still didn't get better, then they would approve for the stuff that actually worked. That the problem is in taking all this other shit for years it produced other problems. So I'm 37. That I have the bones of a 96 year old woman. Wow. So and, you know, that's not
something that will get better. And if I had just been given the correct medication in the beginning, then we could have avoided all of that then. Yeah, that's, it's just the way it is. So finally, you know, with the correct medication, things are a lot better. I, my partner gave birth to our little boy.
She's wonderful. And then they noticed that my blood levels weren't really correct and I was losing a lot of iron and they thought, OK, well you need an iron infusion, so that's OK, no problem, I'll have an iron infusion. And then I had one of those one in a million reactions where they list all the possible side effects and stuff. And this wasn't even listed as one of them where I had something called hyperphosphatemia. So my body just couldn't retain all of its phosphate.
And it turns out phosphate, it's really important, you kind of need it to live. So I kept kept passing out, waking up in different places around the house and stuff and feeling so weak and getting worse and worse all the time. Kept going to hospital and they kept sending me back again, doing my own research and saying, hey, why don't you test for this while I'm here. And the guy laughed and was like, you know, the chances of that.
I can't remember the exact number, but it was like a one in a million sort of thing. I'm like, you know, I kind of have to insist you do this. And sure enough, that's what I had. So they're like, oh, we'll send you home with these tablets and like you. But look at this journal article. It says that doesn't work. You need to connect me to a drip. They give me this for up to anywhere from one week to nine months. That or even longer. They don't know how long it
takes to fix. I don't want to. I like, you know, this isn't a podcast about physical health. So I'll kind of skip forward a little bit that eventually after going back and forth a million times, they listen to what I said, even though I'm not the doctor and I had to stay in hospital connected to a drip 24/7 because every time they disconnect me, I would just fall unconscious and you know, would eventually then slip into a coma and then eventually die.
And the effects of not having phosphate meant that, you know, I couldn't, I had a lot of trouble staying conscious when people, two people would be talking to each other. I couldn't follow the conversation, you know, and I'm sitting there thinking, this isn't good. I like, I don't know where my this is heading now, because if I can't understand speech, I'm a linguist, that's not going to be very good. And what is my life going to
look like? And I had memory of a goldfish and, you know, things weren't looking good for me at all. And then they, they kept saying, oh, there's something wrong with your liver as well, that we think you have this thing called TCS or something. And the doctor with no bedside manner was like, oh, you know, you probably have 10 years or less to live with this and you'll need a liver transplant. But they won't give you a liver transplant because of your other
illnesses. And turns out I don't have that thing. My liver was going crazy. Bloody hell. And then just thinking that sitting there being like, you know, my life is over basically. And I'm like, I've got a little boy. I can't, you know, I can't think like this. I've got to do something. I can't read, I can't watch TV. What am I going to do? So I thought, you know, oh, Warhammer, Remember Warhammer, you like Warhammer. So it's just like, you know, I like podcasts.
There must be some sort of Warhammer podcasts or something. Remember just typing in, I remember exactly what I typed in, but kind of command popped up alongside our bedroom battlefields as well. And I remember listening to a lot of that and not being able to follow anything. Kind of just listening to the same episodes again and again and again. But eventually I could understand more and more and it was it.
It really helped with my recovery because it gave me like a world to sort of lose myself in really. And what I really love about Warhammer is just like that feeling of, you know, when you're a kid and that extreme awe, like in the original meaning of the word awe and wonder at these new fantasy worlds and being able to lose
yourself in them. And that, you know, that extreme excitement or something that as an adult you don't really get anymore, or it's very rare to get something like that. So being able to relive that again as an adult really gave me like a lot of hope in a, a really a really sort of dark place. And, you know, even like, like then, you know, listening, listening, finding out.
Oh, there's a discord community. I didn't, I use Discord once or twice just if I'm playing a computer game with, with a friend just together during COVID just to be able to talk at the same time without using a mobile phone. So I didn't really know how to use it exactly. But you know, it's you figure it out and just being like, oh, you know, there's a lot of people in here and they all like the same things. I like, you know, the older sort of stuff that doesn't exist to me.
Well, I didn't know that people even like that stuff anymore, you know, especially, you know, things like third edition that, you know, I'd never played. I'd always dreamt of playing even as a kid. I remember they had little a little glass box at the back of the store in George Street and they had the earlier editions with the models there.
And I remember just I'd spent so much time just they even had first edition like the rule books there behind with a few models from then and a few from 2nd and 3rd. I'm just staring at that was my favorite thing to stare at just the older models. I think a lot of that also has to do with the way my brain works. I, I, I like older things in general, like being a linguist.
I, I forgot I learned my ancient languages, you know, for fun, or at least I used to because that it's another thing where that sort of ties in as well because being, being a linguist was such a, a core integral part of who I was and I used to get so much enjoyment from that. But ever since this hospital stay, I've lost that ability, like medications I'm on and
stuff. I, I can't absorb language like I used to. So you know, when you lose that huge part of your core identity of who you are, it's a big sort of blow that a lot of the joy I used to get from linguistics and languages I get now from Warhammer, which is amazing because at the time I thought I'd never be able to replace
this that that I have. I'm excited to announce the return of the Hirohammer Fanzine Issue 4, which is due in March of 2025. If you have never heard of the Hirohammer fanzine, then please visit hirohammerhyphenfanzine.com to download your free copy of the first three issues today. And thank you to all the people that have reached out to help contribute to our hobby magazine. Now let's get back to the show. You're talking about being a linguist. Yeah. Lost.
Yeah, lost. A little bit of that. Yeah, lost that, but replaced it with this, right. And, you know, when, when you're somebody who's chronically ill and you're sort of always sick, you, you tend to lose a lot of friends because, you know, people invite you out to things and, and you can't do it or you're too ill and eventually you stop being invited to things.
You know, it's a good way to sort of find out who your real friends are, you know, So I'm grateful for that as well because I still do have a lot of, I still have a few really, really good friends, you know, you know, not being able to drink alcohol, not being able to eat normal food a lot of the
time, not being able to travel. It's kind of being that that proverbial frog in the boiling water where one by one or all the things you love get taken away from you, You know, even to the point that I can't surf anymore. I can't body surf, I can't ride a bicycle. If I fall over, my my bones will break. So it's, you think, you know, I used to home brew a lot. You know, I used to love, love beer. I used to, I lived in Germany for a few years and you know,
I'd really, really like beer. I just can't drink it anymore. What a shame mate. Yeah. Yeah, it's very upsetting, but there there are some Silver Linings though I I do qualify for medicinal cannabis in Australia, so. Hey, that's the way I'll I'll swap it. I'll try it for that any day mate. That's not at least that that, you know, I think that with this, with this hobby that even if you're extremely ill, you can still paint a miniature, right?
You can read a book, you can look at some beautiful miniatures. You can lose yourself in some John Blanche artwork. You know, you can chat with people on on Discord about the hobby that you love. And then you can plan to meet up when you're feeling a bit better and play some games, you know, which is what it's all about.
And so I feel like I've gotten so much back from this hobby that it's something that I, I can, I will always still be able to enjoy, you know, and I owe a lot of that to you and to kind of. So I'll be further grateful for that because I think that's wonderful, man. Through this whole experience, it's, it's helped me sort of accept my situation instead of being angry and, and feeling
like a victim. I, I can accept the way things are and I can still get a lot of joy out of life and I can still have a, a beautiful passion that can cost a lot of money. That is, it's beautiful. You know what I'd be doing otherwise, like drinking beer in a pub, you know, which is fun, don't get me wrong, but it's not, not compared to the satisfaction of like completing a regiment, you know?
And when I was a kid, I never really liked some the painting side of it. It was sort of something I had to do, you know, sometimes I'll just spray paint one side green, one side red, boom, there we go. Now we complain I was all about the gaming and, and even getting back into the hobby now I was always like, oh, you know, maybe I can just buy a completed army already and let's get into it. Like I was very intimidated by a very dear friend of mine who I've got onto the server Cannon
Star. He, he's an, he's an amazing artist and he taught me about web palettes and mixing colours and, and I've found now that like one of the greatest joys I get from the hobby is the painting aspect of it. I find it very meditative. And you can, you know, you sit there, nothing else matters. So there's no worries or you're not thinking about yesterday, you're not thinking about
tomorrow. You're just focusing on, on what's in front of you, you know, and I've never been, I've never thought of myself as an artistic or really a creative person that I've, this is proving me wrong. You know, I'm really enjoying learning about this aspect of myself. I didn't know that existed. Getting a lot of joy out of it. And there's one, one last thing I was, I think it's, it's a little bit more that, that I, I actually think there's some beauty to it as well.
I think, you know, I always loved, let's say, the the the sort of more of the the good guys sort of factions in in Warhammer, you know, especially hail so empire would else that I
I found this. I think this sort of happened subconsciously and became more more conscious as things have gone on. That as a way, particularly last year when when I really thought I might not be around for very long, I found a way of sort of embracing my mortality and becoming more comfortable with the the idea of death and the illness was by painting skeletons, painting zombies. So. Say you're like a necromancer now, Emil. Yeah, I am slowly turning into a
Heinrich Chandler that yeah. Exactly, Yeah. But I, but I think it's sort of like it's a way of facing fear and uncertainty and learning to, to love it. And in a weird way, it's very morbid, but I actually think it's kind of beautiful. So now I'm building my undead army. I'm all about the undead. And I'm probably about halfway to, I mean, there's no completion and I haven't actually worked out the points because as a third edition enthusiast, the, the points
don't really matter as much. I mean, like there's, you can't work it out with points, But it's more about just putting some minis on the table, playing out a narrative and, and seeing
what happens. You know, I'm the kind of game of that I, I, when I play, when I've been playing more time, it's been mostly what I've been playing since I got back in the hobby just because of the quickest and easiest thing to get into, because you don't need to paint that many minutes is, you know, getting so into the narrative of it that you're you're kind of doing what you think they would be doing and playing to character, which I really like.
And you know, some of the best games I've ever had of more time I've lost. Yeah. You know, I, I don't care about winning or losing. It's just about rolling dice and having fun and building a narrative and, and kind of getting lost in that. And you know, making friends and having social interactions, having something to look forward to, which is it's this, this whole hobby has been becomes a big the solace to me. I would say sort of fills the place that our languages used to
do for me, which is wonderful. Yeah, nice mate. It's wonderful that you found. I'm really happy you found Carnifex and the whole group of guys down there. Yeah, to actually game with and interact and have a social outlet for yourself. Yeah. It's not home, it's not work. It's it's something that you can indulge your hobby. You know, and what most people do, you know, they, they go to a restaurant or a pub or whatever and have a beer and a steak. And a lot of the time I, I can't
do that. And it's not really fun to watch other people doing things that you used to love and can't do. But with, you know, gaming, there's none of that. There's no alcohol, there's no food. Or if there is food, you're not really paying attention to it. You're just getting lost in the in the joy of the game. Well, I was going to say medical marijuana and Mordheim would be a wonderful series you guys could start.
You take a hit of the powder from the bong, and then you blow the smoke across the battlefield and gives that a mercifully. Yeah, exactly. I really want to say, I want to say I want to see kind of effects stoned off his off his head playing Mordheim. I think that'll be just fantastic. That'll be great podcast series, actually, Yeah. I think, I think we'd have to do that in my garage, but I think we could probably get away with it there. Yeah, yeah. Nice. But that that.
'D be a. That'd be a really good way to get immersed in it. Yeah, literally yourself. I'm pretty sure that's what the the original like Rick Priestley and that used to get up to back in the 80s in the studio. Oh. Richard Halliwell did. Richard Halliwell. Yeah. Richard Halliwell was a big smoker, Yeah. So yeah, If you're wondering why those rules are so wacky and weird, it's because he was mostly high during work hours
developing. I think some some of those images were actually made with like the smoke, other joints are being blown over. Yeah. So really we're we're being true to the the origins of the game by doing that. Yep, Yep, absolutely. Yeah. So yeah, mate, I'll I'll be happily, happily to swap beer out for medical, medical marijuana. That'd be wonderful. But. Better for your guts as well, yeah? Exactly. Yeah. Better for my back. It's wonderful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's it's it's quite good for a lot of things it gives. It is, mate. It is. Yeah. I used to be a bit of a bit of a hippie back in the day, a bit of a Stoner. Yeah, playing PlayStation, PlayStation and marijuana with my two best friends when, when I didn't have games to play and or, you know, just painting or whatever. But yeah, it was good. High times, mate, Good times. They were. Yeah, I enjoyed that. Can't do that anymore though. I got arrested in Japan.
Yeah, I think it's pretty hardcore in Japan. Yeah, yeah, you can't do that here. No, so but yeah, mate, it's. But at least like you say, I know you want to talk a bit about like mental health, at least it gave you that outlet to improve, not just, you know, your physical health had stabilized to a degree that you could live your life and work and you know, that kind of thing. But obviously the gaming improved your mental health. Big time.
Yeah. You have to have something to look forward to, you know, you have something to work towards. And also just sitting there and and painting the miniatures as a form of meditation. I'm just sitting there dreading, dreading beginning thing like this is going to be so terrible. And my first miniature was terrible and I I have kept he's on my shelf behind me. He he, he's one of those Euro
Quest zombies. And I I just came from there as a reminder because every new miniature I paint, I can look at the difference to see where I was not that long ago to where I've come. You know, I'm, I'm not an amazing painter at all, but I'm, I'm, I'm getting quite happy with how my miniatures are starting to turn out. Yeah, you know, helps with the immersion when you're playing and you know, nothing is more beautiful than a a table full of nice well painted minis. Yep, absolutely.
Yeah, and yeah, with with Trecon effects as well and starting to look at 2nd and 40K Cool. Even going further back than that. I've got a Rogue Trader rule book as well and going to try and make sense of it. And we're going to have a have a go of that at some point as well. Got a dear friend of mine went to the movies not to that week or so ago and he just presented me with 3D printed high off Nanowar Free Fleet. So that's another one to look forward to.
It's also working on printing out wallmaster armies. I'll finally get my my High Elves again for wallmaster. I think at a lower sort of smaller scale they might not be so intimidating. We're. Going to look at Epic as well at some point. You know the Sky's the limit. So many games to play. Yeah, exactly, man. So many armies to build and have fun with. Yeah, well, it's, it's just good that you get, you just got back in the hobby, mate. That's the, that's the greatest thing.
I'm, I, I still remember your first message you sent me on Discord about, you know, your situation and that you found discover the podcast and that that just improved your whole outlook on things and you had something to look forward to again in terms of, you know, regular life. Even now when I'm getting a little bit snappy or angry or something because I'm in pain or whatever, my partner's like, go go to the garage, do some painting.
Get the bong out, get some wait ministers out, but not even. Until there's no I generally don't use marijuana when I'm painting. That might, that might, that might be something to explore. I wonder that's. Right. But I, but I, I, I come back,
you know, feeling better. Yeah. You know, just sitting there and, and zoning out and just listening to a podcast, listening to the Chronic Command or you know, I would have a fiction podcast or chatting to some of the guys on Discord. You know, it's nice, you know, make friends from all over the world now, which is a nice experience. Yep, absolutely mate. That's one thing I can take away from it. That's so you. Know great people, yeah.
Yeah. And I think, you know, the Internet can be, especially nowadays, a rather sort of unfriendly place, you know, full of trolls and, and not so nice people. But I've, I've never experienced anything like that in any of the old Hammer sort of communities or in our community. Everyone is just so lovely and so nice. And so what's really struck me is people's generosity. You know, people you're like, oh, I've always wanted to have this thing or whatever.
And someone's like, oh, I've got it, here you go. You can have it for free. And you're just like, seriously. They're like, yeah, like I'm not going to use it. I've, you know, go nuts or, you know, use this old white dwarf or, or, you know, this beautiful siege book I've been dreaming of getting and I had no chance of affording it on eBay and, and you know, you sent it out to me so. Yeah, well, that's it's just. That sort of thing.
And I'm, I'm reciprocating that where I can, you know, with the old miniatures, I'm not going to use and send them out to people. You know, I just really like this song, this sort of community that you've built, You know, it's, it's, it's a wonderful place. It's a nice place to be. I look forward to being a part part of it for many years to come. Good on you mate. I hope so. I hope so. I hope I, I hope I can keep doing this for many years to come. But as I said, it's just not me.
It's it's the whole group of us. It's everybody. It's not just one person. Like I said, I like having other people's voices on the podcast. I like other people's contributions in other ways. It's it's a very much a community driven thing because without everyone there, there is no crown of command that, you know, it's just a madman in Japan, as it were, you know, playing some games on his own or
whatever. But yeah, that that everyone together makes it such a much a much more enriching experience, I think. And you learn a lot of things and from different perspectives, different backgrounds, how people got into the hobby, what they get out of the hobby, you know, And it's always really inspiring. And even sitting, sitting there thinking like, how am I going to
get this effect on this mini? Like I've tried it 200 times and I just can't get it. And someone in the painting chat is just like, oh, here you go. Have a look at this. Do it like this. Or like learning how to use contrast pains because I've never heard of them. They didn't exist when I was a kid, you know, and I love them now. I use them a lot, not exclusively, I still love the old, old, old style of building
layers and highlighting as well. But I use a lot of contrast painting and it's just learning different colours, mixing them to mixing them together to get the sort of effect that you want and playing around with, you know, the contrast mediums and the alarming, whatever it's called, mediums. And just just to get different sort of effects. Learning how to use a wet palette, how to make some terrain, how to get into 3D printing, all this sort of
stuff. Yep, Yep. Nice. That's great, a nice sharing, giving community, nice place to learn, nice place to share, just a nice place to chat, make friends. Yep, absolutely. Yeah, I, I totally agree with you. I totally agree in terms of like, you know, the Internet being it can be a place where there are a lot of unfriendly, nasty type of content or people posting or whatever. But there are there are pockets
where that's not the case. And like I said, I think the old hammer Facebook groups and on Discord, especially because I always say, you know, Discord is one of my favorite places because there's no meta, there's no advertising, there's no, well, they're, they've got like an AI bot there, but it's very much its own, its own space. And you don't have all the other influences out there that sort of dragging you down into other.
I, I think, I think that's a that's a shame because the, the like Oldhammer sort of community groups and Facebook are lovely, but I just, I can't handle everything else popping up. Yeah, yeah. You know, and, and then I'll be strolling being like beautiful miniature, beautiful miniature. And then there's just this, you know, a video of somebody chopping wood and it's done in a way that's mesmerizing.
So you keep watching it and before you know it, you spend 10 minutes doing that and you're like, what am I doing? I don't want to watch somebody chopping wood. I want to look at some minis. I've just, I've kind of given up on the, on the Facebook groups now. I'll just stick with the discord, which, you know, it's nice. It's, it's well moderated. There's no, there's no nasty stuff, there's nothing popping up. Yeah, we don't really have moderation because there's no need for moderating.
Self moderated, yeah. It's all pretty much self moderated. Yeah, we all got all great guys and maybe women, I don't know in the group. But yeah, no, we don't have to moderate anything. That's the beauty of it. We're all sort of like minded. We're all from the same similar generations. I think maybe. I think that makes a big, big difference too. But we do have younger members too, you know, we've got Marcel the Younger over in Poland there
who's a big old Hammer fan. I've had him on the podcast many years ago. So yeah, we've got different generations of people there, so that's nice as well. We've got older grognards like me, and we've got younger, younger grognards out there too, you know? And it's always fascinating when I find someone like yourself
too. I mean, let someone's a lot younger who discovered old Hammer and just fell in love with old Hammer, you know, I think that's really nice that they sort of went back from their starting point because usually people get in the hobby when their starting point and go forward. But it's nice to hear people go back and discover something they've never seen before and they really like it. Yeah, it's just that that's just the whole sort of ethos of it. Oh, this is to have fun.
It's a narrative and you know, you don't even need to use our miniatures, but you've got some cut out, cut out tokens in the back of the book that you can just use those instead. You don't need to buy anything, you know, and there's all the humor throughout it. And if it's looked at any of the modern stuff, it's all, I don't know if I, if this is correct, but it looks like it's AI created art and the law just kind of looks the same and there's no sort of humor to it.
And you know, I, I do like the dark, grim dark aspect, but it's kind of gone too dark, if that makes sense. Like you can't even tell the miniatures what the miniatures are on the table because everything is just sort of dark. Yes, yeah. And I'll, I'll say I'll plug someone here very quickly too. If you go to our fan art channel on our Discord, there's a guy called Peter from Sweden who's a professional artist and his stuff is just incredible.
The stuff he's drawing is just amazing, but it's all in that same sort of style, Old Hammer artwork, you know? Yeah, I just think there's, there's something to it even same with the miniatures. Then you can look at some of the modern miniatures like I, I even bought some of the some of the modern AOS ones because I thought they they looked really
nice. And then they, they, when you pull them out and you put them up next to some of the old ones, like I bought, I kind of remember what they called the, the ghost looking ones based on all of them, John Blanch's artwork. And they, they look lovely. But then when you hold up like a piece of lead from the 80s or 90s and you just like, you know, comparison, you know, the character that's being put into it.
And even even the, the sensation of painting it, I find these, the 3D Craftsman are just too smooth. There's nothing, there's not enough texture and there's nothing like it's, it's not a nice an experience to paint. And you know, and there's something about the weight of them, you know, the physical weight it kind of gives us. I don't know exactly, but you know, a lot of the ones I'm painting are those, those skeletons from the 80s.
So they don't weigh very much. But if you compare them to the modern skeletons, there's just no comparison. They're just, they're gorgeous. The old ones, they're just so brutal. That's the problem. Yeah, the. Problem I've been having with them is just I buy them in lots and I get get lucky. Sometimes it's a really good price and sometimes you know, that's, that's less than a dollar of skeletons at times, but that somebody else has painted them.
And for me, I know some people share this aspect and some people don't. But just for me personally, I feel like I don't own a miniature until I've painted it. Everybody's different, but that I for me personally, like it's, I kind of get to know the miniature through the process of painting it. And we kind of, I don't know, like develop a bond in that way. And what I've completed, it's like this is something I have created.
You know, the problem is that they're so brutal that I'm having so much trouble removing the old paint jobs. So I end up just painting over them. Very, very. Carefully. That's a good idea. That's a good idea. That's what. I would do too. I find you can get away with a lot of it, but some of them, some of them you just really have to try your best to get the paint off them because they're just being painted by a 12 year old and they've just like I can't see any of the features
anymore. But that's why the lead minions are good, because you just Chuck them in a bucket of acetone and they come out beautiful. Yep, Yep, that's right. You can't go wrong with lead. That's it, mate. That's what I think too. So praise the lead gods for our lead miniatures. That's a process, yeah. Just kind of can't afford them, unfortunately. Yeah, You know, everyone kicks themselves, as many people. I've heard you interviews say the same thing.
I just remember a few times where I've hesitantly thought I want to get back into the hobby over the years and looking at the prices of of them. I remember maybe 10 years ago saying that maybe a 1 1/2 thousand 2000 point high off army, beautifully painted like 150 bucks and being like, Nah, it's too expensive. And then be like, why didn't I buy it? You know why didn't I buy that? It's a steal. Someone's giving it away, Yeah.
I know. But this, I think this is just as you know, the the old world was destroyed and a lot of people were just like, Nah, stuff is getting rid of all my stuff. And I think I, I, I regret not getting into the hobby earlier, like during COVID would have been the perfect opportunity. That's. Yeah. I'm just happy I got in when I did because you know, from everything it's given me and the longer I would have waited the the more it would have become
impossible price wise I think. Yeah, yeah, it makes. You appreciate. The the stuff you have got the IT makes you, it does make you appreciate the lead models you do have, Yeah. And you? Never, never get rid of those ones. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And also, you know, a lot of these second proxy sort of miniatures from these other a lot of them I've learned about from, you know, this community and made in the old Hammer style.
True, you know, more affordable. Let's say they're beautiful. You know, I've never never even considered playing with miniatures that weren't Games Workshop. But I don't really I've realized I don't really care as long as they had that old hammer look to them. They could have been made yesterday unhappy with them, you know? So I've found found quite a few nice pieces from my army from from some of those recommendations from here. Good. Mate, that's great. Excellent.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with some of the some of the stuff being made now from Nightmare Games and. That's a good one, Yeah. And 9998 games is excellent. That's an excellent stuff from there. Yeah. And there's, yeah, there's, there's so many now that have popped up or I've discovered. So there's just a wealth of, of old Hammer, not replicas, but you know, in the same theme or style as the old Hammer models
just created in in modern times. So, you know, there's, there's loads of stuff out there for people to get into. And yeah, I really want to support and help out the guys who are still making metal models because as you know, in the UK especially, they're sort of a dying breed, those companies, because obviously metal prices go up or the material costs go up and it's it's sort of forcing them out of
business. So the more people that can support them, the more they're going to be around and you know that that'll be just better for the hobby, I think. Definitely. Well, Emil, it's been really wonderful to talk to you, mate. I appreciate your time today and for coming on to tell us all about your story. Yeah, thanks. Thanks very much for having me. It's been privilege coming on. And you know, again, thank you for everything you've done for the community and.
Through that, everything you've done for me, it's made a big difference to my quality of life and I'll be forever grateful for that. I'm very happy to hear that. So you keep the bong and the miniatures in the garage on standby if you need to break out and, and to, to escape the world and find a better place, because that's what I like to do in my little man cave here in the create command studios in the bunker, Come and paint some miniatures and escape, escape
everything from outside. It's wonderful. And I'm just glad that your life is back on track, mate. Your quality of life is getting better and, and I hope that will just improve over time, you know, But if anything, you've got the hobby there and a great bunch of guys to to connect with. Now you've got Ken, we're going to call him Krell Now that's your that's your, that's your life heterospectual life partner.
You know, your best buddy in your, your camela and what's what's kind of well, you got kind effects got lots of KS here actually kill Creme. So we're gonna, we're gonna have that Mordheim or Warhammer quest game. I, I, I enjoyed seeing your photos of the, the club days with you guys getting to play. I think it was, I think it was Warhammer Quest you played last time. No, it's more time. What was it? They. They. Yeah, they, yeah, they that, that is played in the club, but
I have not yet played that. But that's again one of one of the games that's due to play at some point soon. Wonderful. OK, well, I'm I'm really, really glad you found those guys that kind of fixes taking, taking you under his wing and got you guys playing. So let's let's make 2025 the year of the old hammer and let's get some games of one the third edition played. And you're going to help us with a siege game as well. You're going to be Gming us in a siege game sometime at some
point this year. I've got to get my mighty fortress painted up as well in in in preparation for that. But just don't. Spray paint it. Yeah, no, I'm not going to spray paint it. No, I I actually found actually found images of my old, my original one that the guy I sold it to is selling it now in Australia. But it didn't look too bad. Actually I was quite, I was quite impressed with it. It looked. Pretty plastic one or Styrofoam.
No Styrofoam, the original 1. I bought it years and years ago on eBay in the UK for not so much money back then. But then I did. I coated it with textured paint and sprayed it over the top, but the textured paint sort of filled up all the all the brickwork and everything, unfortunately. So it was, but it was good. I I enjoyed doing it. That was during my sort of old Hammer collecting days back in the 2000s, somewhere around there. But anyhow.
But yeah, we're going to, we're going to make 2025 the year of old Hammer make for sure 3rd edition fantasy 1 role play, first edition Rogue trade. I played that once, enjoyed it. Want to play it again? Yeah, Adaptors Titanic has played that. Loved that, although it was fantastic. So yes, the year of the old hammer, mate. Let's do it. Awesome. Look forward to. It OK my friend. Well I'll I'll catch up with you soon again on discord but until then look after yourself and get
some more skelly bobs painted. Shall do. Thanks mate, take care.