Financial abuse and manipulation can come with the appearance of being loving and caring. Covert narcissists will say that they are doing this “for your own good.” In the guise of helping you, they use and abuse you. At the same time though, there is just enough truth in what they are saying to convince you that they are right. This tiny speck of truth activates your compassion, causing you to feel guilty for doubting them or questioning them. Instead you take all the blame and work harder to fi...
May 31, 2024•21 min•Ep. 240
Today, we have the author of The Human Magnet Syndrome, Ross Rosenberg. I talk with him about his new book, The Codependency Revolution: Fixing What Was Always Broken. What is this monster called codependency that no one seems to understand? It is so hard to understand narcissism, and it is equally hard to understand codependency. In Ross’s words, “I see codependency as a relationship problem, not an individual problem. A codependent is defined by their choice of relationship partners. To unders...
May 26, 2024•30 min•Ep. 239
In this episode, our guest talks about the financial abuse she endured in a lengthy marriage with children. No matter how many failures or the depth of the failures, covert narcissists will always find someone or something to blame. Scapegoating accompanies the financial abuse, as they blame you for their financial struggles. They simply cannot carry any of the blame themselves. It is never a shared responsibility. You, their supply at one point in time, are often the main target of their scapeg...
May 23, 2024•32 min•Ep. 238
I’m mad! So I yell at you, punch the wall, storm off, stomp my feet, shove the chair, and slam the bedroom door! I don’t care that you don’t like it! I don’t care that you now feel bad. In fact, I’m going to wait in my room until you come and apologize to me! Who am I? I'm a 2 year old toddler throwing a fit, or a teenager dealing with hormones, social anxiety, and overwhelming schoolwork, or a full-grown covert narcissistic adult. How do you handle the situation? For the 2 year old, you parent ...
May 19, 2024•23 min•Ep. 68
Dr. Melissa Kalt, M.D. specializes in removing the trauma of narcissistic abuse from the body. She brings so much insight to the topic, and I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing her for our audience. This interview is extremely informative and helpful. Dr. Melissa is a graduate of the Medical College of Wisconsin – triple-board-certified in Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, and Lipidology. She was voted to the US Best Doctors™ list by her peers year over year 2009-2018. While single parenting five chil...
May 17, 2024•23 min•Ep. 236
In this chat time with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, these two discuss two questions brought by Covert Narcissism Podcast listeners. They each share their answer to this question, “Looking back, when do you wish you would have left? Is there a time that you “wish” you would have filed for divorce sooner?” The second question they dive into is “Please discuss the isolating dynamics of a covert narcissistic relationship.” In their answer, they talk about two aspects of this question. Covert nar...
May 12, 2024•26 min•Ep. 235
Covert narcissism is messed up! It is so twisted you feel like you are going insane just trying to get a grasp on what’s going on. It is so hard to pinpoint and impossible to describe. You can’t possibly explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Trying to makes you sound crazy, even to yourself. So now you question your own sanity. It is mind-boggling and exhausting. Many victims collapse into a pile of nothing and give up. I don’t blame them. I have been there many times. I kn...
May 10, 2024•23 min•Ep. 234
Kids desire and NEED to feel safe and cared for. When their parent who is their safety and caregiver suffers, they suffer as well. If you think that you are hiding this abuse from your kids, you are wrong. Our kids see it, and they feel it. Children put their own defense mechanisms in place. These include living in denial, shutting it all out, disassociating, distracting themselves, putting up harsh boundaries with anger and temper, and protecting you by taking on parental roles. These defense m...
May 05, 2024•22 min•Ep. 233
"I felt that I was the only one who was uncomfortable with his behavior." In this episode, Sarene speaks of her experience in the work environment of Rolling Stone magazine from over 10 years ago. This individual no longer works at Rolling Stone, and in Sarene's words, "I can't speak for Rolling Stone and its work culture for the past ten years. But I can speak to my experience from 2007 to 2014." She describes the toxic work environment and the effect it had on her. "Jann Wenner fueled the boys...
May 02, 2024•36 min•Ep. 232
“I’m in my second marriage and married almost 2 years. I’m realizing he’s a covert narcissist. I am mad at myself because I didn’t think I’d find myself here again, and now learning so much on codependency. I’m on a roller coaster. I have caught him in so many lies. I don’t know why I try to get him to admit it when I know it’s constant lies. I am feeling so much in my chest, and it’s building. He does nice things for me and when I don’t show appreciation adequately he gets weird, like I didn’t ...
Apr 28, 2024•25 min•Ep. 67
In this episode, Caryn Dixon tells her story publicly for the first time. Like so many others, she was in that yo-yo relationship. On again and off again. Thinking “this is over” only to give him one more chance. Trapped by hope and the belief that he will change, Caryn dug in to save her marriage many times. There is nothing wrong with you for choosing to believe in the person you married, for wanting to work things out with them, for fighting for the relationship, for hanging onto hope. These ...
Apr 25, 2024•32 min•Ep. 230
Have you ever called a covert narcissist out for something they have done? How did it go? While every situation is different, so many stories from victims of covert narcissistic abuse are the same. It is as though we are all talking about the same person. The similarities are shocking! In this episode, I explore 7 ways that covert narcissists often react when you tell them how you feel about something, especially about something they did or said. These range from instant frustration and anger ai...
Apr 21, 2024•21 min•Ep. 229
In this chat with Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson, they address somes questions brought to them in the Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. One member said that she is wondering about helpful things to know when dealing with an attorney who only understands the general ‘narcissist’ definition but not all the underlying behavior issues that compose a covert narcissist. This is a very tough situation, especially in today's world where courts won't even allow you to say the word 'narcissist.' T...
Apr 19, 2024•24 min•Ep. 228
Understanding the difference between compassion and empathy is important for anyone who is dealing with a non-empathetic person, such as a covert narcissist. Compassion and empathy are both in response to the emotions and needs of another person. Both involve some level of awareness of the other person’s needs. By definition, compassion is the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and are motivated to relieve that suffering. Covert narcissists can have this and oft...
Apr 14, 2024•22 min•Ep. 227
Today, we welcome Brandon Chadwick as a guest on the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Brandon has his own podcast called, The Narcissist Apocalypse Podcast. In his podcast, Brandon shares a variety of stories from survivors of narcissistic abuse. These stories are raw and unfiltered examples of dealing with this type of abuse and the effects of it. In today’s episode, you are invited to listen in on a conversation between Brandon and Renee about how they each got started on this journey. Both Brandon ...
Apr 12, 2024•54 min•Ep. 226
Covert narcissists are bullies as parents, and their impact on the children is traumatic and long-lasting. For those listening who were raised by a covert narcissistic parent, identifying these effects within you is vital. This allows you to start that process of no longer blaming yourself and healing that internal shame. You do matter! You are good enough! This is not your fault! For those listening who are parenting with a covert narcissistic parent, please learn the effects this is having on ...
Apr 07, 2024•22 min•Ep. 225
When children have a narcissistic parent, they are being parented by a bully. They cannot possibly escape this situation. They cannot make sense out of it. They cannot reach out for help. Dealing with a bully is traumatic and harmful. Here are three effects that narcissistic parenting, bully parenting, has on their children. While the child knows that perfect does not exist, it is still their goal. The child holds others around them to that same level of perfect as well. The child cannot handle ...
Apr 04, 2024•8 min•Ep. 224
Let’s say I’m a covert narcissist, and I’m looking for a partner. Who am I looking for? I believe that I am the best thing ever, that I am right all the time, that my opinion is all that matters. So who do I need? I need someone who doubts themselves. The best victim of gaslighting is someone who doubts themselves. One piece that makes someone quite vulnerable to gaslighting and manipulation is when their own sense of self is too reliant on the opinions of others. When we put too much weight in ...
Mar 31, 2024•18 min•Ep. 66
Not only do victims of covert narcissistic abuse not see the abuse, they often join the abuser in abusing themselves. It’s the perfect storm built by this abuser in your life. Their circular conversations, projection, blame shifting, guilt manipulating, and many other tactics leave you, the victim, in complete confusion. You accept the projecting, blaming and guilting. You defend yourself but the circular conversations convince you that you are wrong. Ultimately, you decide that maybe you are th...
Mar 29, 2024•20 min•Ep. 222
In this Q&A session with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, we answer two questions from the Covert Narcissism Facebook Group. How do you deal with the golden child and help them to unlearn concerning narcissistic traits without disparaging the other parent? How do you maintain a relationship with said child when also trying to protect yourself and heal from the narcissistic abuse trauma? These are tough questions that so many people in our world are struggling with. Whether a child is used as...
Mar 24, 2024•27 min•Ep. 221
f you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right. Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility. I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vacation? But yet ...
Mar 21, 2024•20 min•Ep. 65
We all have an immune system inside us. Its purpose is to fight harmful substances that enter the body. It builds a defense against invaders by keeping a record of every germ it has ever defeated so it can recognise and destroy the invading germ quickly if it ever enters the body again. This drastically limits the amount of harm an invader can do if they do manage to get in. In order to function properly, the immune system has to be able to tell the difference between invader cells and non-invad...
Mar 17, 2024•21 min•Ep. 219
Narcissism is not a clear cut issue. It isn’t a yes or no answer. It is an extremely complicated issue. One minute you can feel like you have a grasp on it, and the next minute that grasp simply disappears. You can think you finally understand it and then be at a loss for words in trying to explain it to someone else. “I got it. This makes sense,” you think. The next day you wake up, and everything is all jumbled up again. What really is narcissism? Is this really how he/she is acting? Are they ...
Mar 14, 2024•19 min•Ep. 64
In this brand new series, I am doing a Q&A session with Eleanor Marks. We are answering questions that come directly from my Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. Today we begin with two questions. John asks for tips and help on recovery in the early part of this journey, for help on how to heal. Self-care is crucial when it comes to healing. Doing things such as journaling, meditating, and educating yourself are all vital steps on this journey. Challenging our own imperative thinking, su...
Mar 10, 2024•23 min•Ep. 217
Today’s guest Dave shares his enjoyment is trimming the bushes in front of his house because now it is HIS house. After going through over two years of the divorce process, he finds peace for himself and his kids. He admits that it is incredibly difficult to celebrate this as he is flooded with sadness at the trajectory of his marriage. At the same time, though, he chooses to embrace the quiet peacefulness of his home. The CNG group coaching session was pivotal for him. He began these groups jus...
Mar 07, 2024•26 min•Ep. 216
Welcome back. I am again talking about covert narcissism, and in specific, parenting with a partner who is showing the traits of covert narcissism. These kids go through a lot. Everyone has wounds from childhood. This is true. But the more educated we can become about the types of wounds and specific nature of the wounds, the better we are able to heal our own wounds and also the better we are able to help our children. I cannot express enough how important it is to live a life of growth, recove...
Mar 03, 2024•21 min•Ep. 63
Memories can absolutely haunt victims of covert narcissistic abuse for years!! They trigger us, causing massive internal reactions. Anxiety, tension, pain in the gut, shaking, twitching, upset stomach, increased blood pressure and heart rate, panic attacks, and so on. All of this from a simple memory that still haunts you today. This is PTSD and can create problems for years, decades, even the rest of your life. December 2nd was a significant day in my world with my covert narcissistic husband, ...
Feb 29, 2024•23 min•Ep. 214
Covert narcissistic parenting has a massive effect on our children! It leaves gaping holes in their development, which can haunt them for the rest of their lives. And they have NO clue in the early years. They don’t see the abuse in those really young ages, but they certainly feel it. Kids aren’t stupid, They know how they feel. They experience their feelings, even if they can’t verbalize them yet. They know when they feel loved and when they don’t. They know when they feel accepted and validate...
Feb 25, 2024•19 min•Ep. 213
I'm drowning in a world of narcissism. I think about it the minute I wake up, all day long, and the last thought before I fall asleep. It is all consuming. Never in my life have I ever absorbed as much information as I have on covert narcissism. I have watched every video, read every book, listened to every podcast, talked to anyone who would listen. I just can't think about this any longer. Not one more thought. I just don't have it in me. I have nothing left! I can’t read another word! I have ...
Feb 23, 2024•20 min•Ep. 62
"I am the mom! I know everything and am right about everything." "I am the dad! I know how to handle life. Don’t tell me what to do." It is true that parents know more than kids, yes. It is also true that parents have more life experience and thus can reason through things more than kids can. Sure. However, parents don’t know everything. They are not always right. Unless of course, you are a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists hide behind images that they believe give them superiority and stat...
Feb 18, 2024•16 min•Ep. 211
