The Malignant Incompetence of Kash Patel

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Hey everyone, Ellie here wishing you a happy Friday. Two quick orders of business before we get to this week's podcast. On the, I guess, more serious side, there is reporting, as I record this late in the week, that the Eastern District of Virginia may seek to re-indict Jim Comey any moment. Could be, by the time you hear this, could be next week.

Who knows? You'll recall, of course, that this is one of Donald Trump's vindictive prosecutions was thrown out because the purported U.S. attorney, Lindsey Halligan, was inappropriately appointed. And so. As of the moment I'm recording this, the case is still dismissed, but DOJ has vowed they will act quickly to bring it back to life. If that happens, two things. One.

I'm not so sure a grand jury will actually indict the case. Remember, they barely approved the Comey indictment the first time. The grand jury rejected one of the three counts and barely approved the other two. The vote was 14 to 9. That's not good in the grand. jury. Second,

Even if they do get an indictment of Jim Comey, they're going to have a statute of limitations problem. Because remember, Comey's conduct, his alleged false testimony, was given on September 30th of 2020. They indicted him on September 30th. September 25th of 2025, so just five days before the statute ran out. However, here we are now in December.

That's more than five years after the event itself. Now, there is a federal law that could allow prosecutors to extend the statute by six months. It's not at all clear that it applies, though. So watch for that if it hasn't happened by the time you're listening. this Friday morning. It probably will happen sometime early next week. Second of all, less serious, maybe more serious, depending on how you look at the world. I promised you last week I would update you.

on my noble effort to make my own Thanksgiving turkey. I used to do it this way. I got off the rails a couple times the last few years when I would order from a supermarket. This year, I went back to my foundation. I made the turkey from scratch. I brined it overnight. I prepped it up. I put it on the grill. I kept the heat slow and low. And let me tell you, folks.

I mean, I just nailed it. It was insane. It was delicious. I put a thing on my Instagram if you want to see what it looked like, but it was a grand slam. It's a ridiculous amount of work. for something that people eat in, you know, 26 minutes or whatever, plus leftovers the next day. But it's just worth it. That's sort of what Thanksgiving's about. Like you put in more work than you could ever possibly justify on one meal. And I don't care how quickly it gets scarfed, it's worth it.

Okay, on with this week's piece. As always, do love to hear your thoughts, questions, and comments. By the way, I want to do a year-end kind of mailbag thing. So send in your questions in particular, and I'll pick the best ones, and I'll do them at some point. over the holidays. All right, everyone, stay safe and stay, what do I sign off with? Stay safe and stay informed.

According to a new report created by a group of former and current FBI special agents about the first six months of Kash Patel's tenure as FBI director, three of the incidents that I'm about to read you are real. I made up. The other three. Now you have to try to guess which is which. So here comes six incidents. Three are real. Three I just made up. All right. Number one.

Patel expensed over $4,000 to the FBI to pay for creatine and other bodybuilding supplements in an effort to, quote, look more ripped. Number two. While he received a classified briefing on potential security threats to U.S. landmarks, Patel was seen scrolling the TMZ feed on his Instagram. Number three.

Patel refused to disembark an FBI plane at a high profile crime scene until he was given a size medium FBI raid jacket. His handlers had to borrow one from a female agent. Even then, he demanded that spiffy Velcro. patches be affixed to the sleeve. Number four, Patel prepared for a press conference to announce a major narcotics takedown by playing Eminem's Lose Yourself and practicing stern looks in the mirror of his secure SUV. Number five.

After Patel learned that some FBI agents had doubts about whether he should be issued a firearm, he demanded that they submit to polygraph tests to determine who had doubted his prowess as a marksman. Number six, Patel ordered all FBI agents to remove special messages from their email signatures while keeping his own signature boasting of being, quote, number nine, the ninth ever FBI director.

Okay, which ones are you going with? Here's your answers. Numbers three, five, and six are real. So that would be the FBI jacket. The polygraph tests over whether he should be issued a firearm. And the email signature, number nine. Well, one, two, and four. I made them up. The $4,000 for bodybuilding supplements, the TMZ on Instagram, and the psyching himself up with Eminem's Lose Yourself. But guess what? I'll bet you that quiz was harder than it should have been. And that fact...

speaks to Patel's toxic blend of arrogance, vanity, and outright incompetence. He's humiliating himself, and he's taking the FBI down with him. The aforementioned report. It's not some anti-Trump resistance screed. It was written by a group of experienced FBI agents, past and present, for use by the Republican-led House and Senate Judiciary Committees. The report at times sounds distinctly MAGA.

It notes derisively that, quote, Trump derangement syndrome, TDS, is alive and well inside the FBI. It exalts that, quote, diversity, equity, and inclusion, DEI, is no more. And it bemoans the hiring of liberal FBI instructors. Yet despite its inclination towards some of the administration's favorite talking points, the report shreds Patel for his inept leadership of the FBI.

Deputy Director Dan Bongino absorbs collateral damage. The report labels him dismissively as, and I quote, something of a clown. Patel's ineptitude springs largely from his jaw-dropping lack of qualifications. Consider, for example, the contrast with two of his semi-recent predecessors as FBI director, Jim Comey and Robert Mueller.

Despite his many faults, Comey was once a bold and successful organized crime and terrorism prosecutor. He spent over two decades at the Justice Department, eventually becoming the US Attorney for the Southern District of New York. and then the deputy attorney general before his nomination as FBI director by Barack Obama in 2013 and his 93 to 1 Senate confirmation vote.

Now, Bob Mueller fought as a Marine for three years in Vietnam. He was shot in the leg, but he chose to return to battle and later received the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star. Mueller then became a career prosecutor and was eventually nominated to leadership positions in the Justice League. Department by four consecutive presidents, two Republicans and two Democrats, and confirmed unanimously by the Senate every time.

Kash Patel, by contrast, worked as a public defender in Florida before he hopscotched through various mid-level non-Senate-confirmed positions with DOJ and the House. Here's how various FBI agents described in plain English his lack of relevant high-end law enforcement experience in the report. Quote, in over his head.

Quote, neither the breadth of experience nor the bearing an FBI director needs to be successful. Quote, may be insecure. Quote, lacks the requisite experience. And simply, quote, not very good.

By the way, I chuckle sometimes because these FBI quotes in this report are so blunt. But hey, they say what they say. This is the guy who currently holds the reins of a 37,000-person agency with an $11 billion annual budget and more firepower than the militaries of small countries. In fairness...

Sometimes people surprise. We've seen government officials who moved up the chain quickly, but nonetheless performed admirably. Pete Buttigieg, for example, made a huge leap from small-town mayor to cabinet secretary and did his job well and without embarrassing him. Kash Patel, not so much. Since he became director, Patel has continually embarrassed himself and the FBI.

In September, for example, during the intense hours of the manhunt for the murderer of Charlie Kirk, Patel infamously rushed onto social media to boast that, quote, the subject for the horrific shooting today that took the life of Charlie Kirk is now in custody. End quote. Patel was wrong, of course, and had to take it back. The report details Patel's, quote, unfortunate obsession with social media.

with one agent recommending that the director, quote, stop talking, stop posting, and just be professional, end quote. Weeks later, Patel melted down at two congressional hearings that devolved into middle school food fights. The FBI director lashed out at Representative Eric Swalwell, quote, I'm going to borrow your terminology and call bullshit on your entire career in Congress, which.

is a disgrace to the American public, end quote. He called Senator Adam Schiff a, quote, political buffoon and a, quote, utter coward. He engaged in a shrieking match with Senator Cory Booker. The FBI agent's report notes somewhat generously that Patel, quote, lost his capacity to remain calm and thoughtful, and that his, quote, composure erodes very quickly when confronted by critics, end quote.

Now, Patel was set off in part by questions about his handling of the Jeffrey Epstein files. Indeed, his position has careened from release them all immediately. Put on your big boy pants, he crowed awkwardly in a 2023 Fox News interview, to nothing to see here. Quote, no further disclosure would be appropriate or warranted in a July 2025 FBI memo to presently.

ducking for cover. Just last week, Patel authorized a ridiculous FBI investigation of six sitting members of Congress who had made a politically controversial but not remotely criminal video reminding armed service members that they had the ability to disregard illegal orders. Patel assigned the matter to the FBI's counterterrorism division, which ordinarily counters. Instead, they're wasting time trying to interrogate U.S. senators about political speech. And Patel has gutted the FBI's own

infrastructure. Shortly after he took office, he fired and pushed out dozens of experienced agents who had the temerity to work on January 6th Capitol riot cases or on the prosecutions of Donald Trump. According to the report, Patel has a culture of mistrust and uncertainty, end quote. And morale within the agency ranges from, quote, fine to low to bad to terrible, end quote.

Now, Patel poses a dilemma for the next Democratic president or for the next president of either party who wants a half-decent FBI director. Given the position's statutory 10-year term, Patel is slated to remain in office until... Brace yourselves, 2035. The easy call for Trump's successor would be to fire Patel and install a competent director. After all...

Trump broke the norm himself when he canned Comey in 2017, just three-plus years into his term, and when he effectively pushed out Chris Wray after three-plus years on the job in 2025. Turnabout, the future president could rationalize. is fair play. But if the next president is concerned with respecting the law and restoring norms, he might feel pressured to let Patel serve out the full 10-year term.

The law plainly intends to bolster the FBI's independence by creating a position that is not coterminous with the presidency. To fire Patel, therefore, might seem Trumpian in its prioritization of expediency and political loyalty. over institutional integrity and good government. Maybe Trump will do his successor a favor and defenestrate Patel now or soon.

MS Now, led by the Pulitzer-winning journalist Carol Lennig, reported last week that the president, quote, is considering removing Kash Patel as FBI director in the coming months. as he and his top aides have grown increasingly frustrated by the unflattering headlines Patel has recently generated. White House spokesperson Caroline Levitt denied the reporting.

Posting on X, quote, I read the headline to the president and he laughed. He said, what? That's totally false. Come on, Cash, let's take a picture to show them you're doing a great. End quote. If anything, the rising uproar around Patel could make Trump less likely to fire him anytime soon. To dispatch his own chosen FBI director within the first year of service.

would vindicate unfavorable reporting, and would constitute an implicit acknowledgement of his own appointee's lousy performance. But eventually, Patel might simply become too much of a liability for the president to bear. Whether Patel stays or goes, He's already inflicted incalculable damage on the FBI. Thanks for listening, everyone. Stay safe and stay informed.

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