Have you ever wondered whether the problems in the world today would exist if we had deeper connection to ourselves, others, and the environment, and acted from that place? Welcome to the Conscious Action Podcast with your host, Brian Berneman and Kayla Greenville, who believed that connection is the. Key to taking conscious action as individuals and creating a better world.
We are here to raise awareness and inspire meaningful action by sharing stories, knowledge and conversations with thought leaders and change makers from sustainability to wellbeing and everything related to conscious living. Our mission is to empower you to be the change that you want to see in the world. Welcome everyone to a new episode of the Conscious Action Podcast.
I am Brian Berneman, your host, and I have the pleasure to be showing all the way from Vancouver, Canada by Dai manuel, thank you so much Dai, for being here, for taking the time and for having what I know it's going to be an amazing conversation. Um, and for those that that are listening to, Can you tell who this died? ? Well, I was first of all, Brian, thank you.
I know it's been, uh, a little while since we had our first conversation and, uh, I, I'm like loving the backdrop today, but it's, it's a little bit different than the garden that you were standing in last time and I was like, But at that first in meeting with you, I was like, Whoa, this is somebody I wanna talk to again. Cause I just, I love that green space behind it. So if you haven't picked up on it, I love being outdoors.
I'm an outdoors kind of guy and uh, it's a big reason why I love living in Western Canada or Vancouver specifically cuz we have the Rockies, we have Whistler, but also, you know, you could golf, swim and, and go skiing in the same day. It's pretty nice, you know, . So, um, I dig. But, uh, I'm, I'm very happy to be here and feel very honored and, uh, you know, I I, I am a 45 year old guy and, and as I tell everybody when I'm asked like, Well, who are you?
I'm, Well, first and foremost, I'm a father of two teenage girls, you know, and they're 17 and 19 now, so they're not really little anymore. They're, they're people. I'm like, people, I got people as children, Right. totally date myself.
Um, but outside of that, I've been dating my wife for the last 22 years and, and those are, Two very big pieces of my identity cuz they're really tied to some of my, my, my most important values, you know, the things that help me guide my life and when it, and I love that. And, and so that's really, who am I, I'm a father and I'm a , I'm a husband, but I'm also someone that just likes to help people where they're at.
You know, and, and in all my professional career, and even as a hobbyist, everything I've ever done has been geared at helping others, you know, unlock some of the potential that maybe they don't see within themselves, that I see that others see, uh, but also helping people create those lifestyle changes that help us show up as our better versions. Because when we're in that place and we feel like things are possible, In particular, we are possible.
And those dreams and visions of ourselves are possible. Wow. I mean, it's an energy that benefits everybody, , you know? And, uh, so that's what I do, you know? And, and sure I can be asked, Well, how do you do that? Well, I mean, that's a whole nother conversation, but that's the gist of it, you know? And, uh, and yeah, and I love life, man. I just love experiencing new things. But meeting great people like yourself and your people in your community. Yeah, it's beautiful.
And once again, thank you for being here. And you know, I think it's, it's so interesting, a lot of times when I ask this question of who, who are you? And, and I, I am fascinated a lot of times with, with people's answers. Where, where does the mind in that moment, Take us to, like, some people it's like, I have no idea and I'm still feeling, Now some people it's like, well, I'm like, you know, they, they say what they do.
Sometimes it's, you know, like this, some, some things of what they are living and, and I really, really appreciate it. And, and one of the things that I really connect with is, The idea of supporting others. Of helping others, especially from the place of being able to, to see beyond what perhaps they can see for themselves. Yes, and and that is, it has been part of my own process. My, like the people that I have worked with, my mentors, my teachers, my coaches, they did that for me.
They were able to, to. My potential and those parts that I couldn't see and that I think that it's so important when working with, with people or just interacting with people, it's being able to see them whole, not just the personality or or something that is narrow. Yes, Well said. I really like that. I mean, you articulated that beautifully, but also I just, I like that idea of the, the whole seeing them as a whole, you know, I, I love that. I really do.
You know, it's sort of like, just you, sort of just, uh, uh, what, what would we say, um, tweet something in me, because I, I often relate back to also this idea of if people aren't seen as whole, we have this very quick place that we tend to go to, to try to categorize that situation. And we often throw terms around like broken. Right or less than, and I'm like, you. That implies that we need to be fixed.
And, and I honestly don't feel that anybody needs to be fixed, cuz everybody is whole as they are, you know? But, but it might have to work through some challenges or, or learn something new, but no one's really broken. You know, we just have different ways of dealing with things. And sometimes if you look at who's role models in our life or who's been that teacher, the instructor, the, the, the mentor.
If we don't have that person in our life, I mean, how are we supposed to know there's even other options, you know, or different ways that we can do. Especially when we don't have people looking us in the eyes and saying, I see you and I know you can do this. You know? And, and it's just so powerful when you have that kind of a person in your life, it, it, it totally feels like anything's possible. Like it really does.
Like I've had some wonderful coaches and mentors in my life and I'm so grateful cuz had I not had the opportunity to have that time with, My life would be very different. Right. So different, you know, And I bet you can say the same thing about all the coaches, teachers, parents, you know, everybody in your life too. Right. And it's, it's pretty cool when we start to think about it.
Mm. Yes. And, and I think that, um, a lot of times it's, it's really interesting how many millions or billions of people have had that. And, and because our society is as, as you were saying, it shares more of a model of we're broken, there's something lacking, stuff like that. Then of course, then that's, that's the system that they're operating within. But before we get a little bit deeper dying in all of this, can you share a little bit more your path?
What led you to be working in this field? Mm. Well ge okay, let me, uh, let's take a trip down memory lane here. No, . It's, uh, um, well, it, it's anything but a straight line, right? Like, I, it's always funny, like, when I think about timelines, I think they always represented it as a linear line. I'm like, I've never lived a linear line You know, like, it's like a little bit of this going back, going over under, you know, like it's, it's, nothing has ever been straight, but.
For me, being someone that loves to support others, I, I didn't come from that place authentically to be, to be, you know, totally transparent. I didn't, you know, I came from actually the opposite end of the spectrum where I was consumed with. Just being locked in my own little world. And, and what I mean by that is, uh, as a child from age nine to 14, I was in a, a very severe state of unhealth unhealth. So I was very unhealthy, uh, very sad, very withdrawn, very depressed.
Uh, and it was largely due to the fact that I had learned some, some coping mechanisms that at the time served me, not, not in a healthy way, but served me nonetheless. And, you know, I found comfort through food. I also found comfort through movies and video games and seeking my dopamine hits , you know, by doing passive exercises, you know, And what I mean by exercise? Yeah. Playing video games is an exercise. My fingers got a great workout, but nothing else did. Right?
and, uh, I, I was in that state, you know, for, for five years, and every year I just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger to the point. One day, I remember being at the doctor's office with my mom and the doctor, pulling my mom aside and saying, You know, by the end, this is serious. Your son dies morbidly obese.
Now, you know, put this in perspective, at 15 years old, I didn't understand what either of those words meant, morbidly or obese, but, but I knew based on the nature and how we delivered that, like the context of the situation, it wasn't good , you know, like it wasn't good. And I'm going to give you sort of the abbreviated snapshot of what happened here. Cuz everyone always thinks like, Oh, what, You just woke up one day and you decided to work out? And I'm like, I wish it was that simple.
. You know, like I, I remember distinctly one day waking up and going through one of my rituals, which was even just having a shower. There was a ritual to it. People think, this is rather odd, but I, I'm like, No. When you're someone that doesn't like to look at your reflection, doesn't wanna acknowledge. because you don't see any value in yourself. It's amazing that the, the extremes that we'll go to, to avoid those levels of dis.
And, and like even back then, photos, there's very few of them around. Even in my book that I wrote a few years ago, I had a photo of me as that morbid, the obese team, but it's the only one I could find. I could only find one photo cause I avoided cameras. And again, remember I'm 45, I'm born before Google and before smart devices and people having phones on their hips twenty four seven. Uh, or sorry, yeah, phones, but phones with very high pixel cameras.
Uh, You know, it was easy to isolate back then, and, uh, I was very depressed, very withdrawn, and, you know, at the end of the day, really, I just wanted somebody else to want me or to see me as someone that had value. And I be, but I couldn't see that in myself.
Right. And I remember this one morning I had the shower and my hack, and you might like this, but I, I, and those are listening, watching you might relate to this too, and, I would turn the shower on so hot that by the time I got outta the shower, the mirrors would always be covered in condensation, all fogged up. So even if I looked at it, I wouldn't have to see myself. So this is what I meant.
I had a ritual, like everything had a ritual and it was all about trying to avoid the discomfort and avoid acknowledging that yes, this is my life. And that's also why I like video games and movies cuz it was a distraction. It was a way to escape long and short. I had a moment there I had, I was being rushed by my dad. I had to get outta the shower that morning. And as I'm telling myself off, I don't know why, but outta the peripheral, I made that turn. I locked eyes, I turned full on.
So I'm headed onto the mirror and I just did the full gaze looking at my eyes first, going all the way down. Stopping at my belly back up to, to my very large and prominent breasts. And yes, I saved breasts because I did, I had, and I hear people joke with us, old man boobs. And I'm like, it wasn't man boobs, I just, I had breasts because of just the amount of fat that I had on my body.
And then I came back up to my eyes, locking eyes again and, and my eyes were red and tears started running down my face. And, and I just, I felt like if I had to say that I was at my all time, lowest. That's gotta. Now, again, I, I've challenged that since, but we'll leave that for later. But, you know, in the moment I, that was where I was at and this is the craziest thing.
And people, when I still share this, I, I sometimes find it hard to believe too, cuz we always often wonder, like when big changes happen in our life and we try to figure out, well, how did that change and become possible? It's. Ever clear? Typically, you know, sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not. You know, and, and for me, it wasn't that clear, but I got to a place where I'm looking at myself and I'm thinking about, wouldn't life be easier if I wasn't here?
And wouldn't it just be easier not to have to deal with this? But that scared me. The finality scared me, scared me to the place where all of a sudden I started thinking it's like, you know what I'm actually really afraid of? I'm afraid of the idea of not changing. And I'm more afraid of that idea than the idea of maybe me figuring a way to change my situation. So just to repeat that, I was more afraid of not changing than of changing.
And so I went with the lesser of the two and I said, Okay, well I gotta figure out how to make some changes there cause I'm not willing to accept this anymore. And, uh, from that one decision, it got things in motion for me and it was a 20 month. Mm. All right. So it didn't happen overnight, but mind you, I didn't put the weight on overnight either, so I shouldn't expect it to lose it overnight.
Um, but I, I put myself on a path of educating myself on fitness and nutrition and mindset and lifestyle, and really just ways of, of being healthier from the inside out. The changes happened. They happened very consistently because I was consistent with my commitment. You know, like I always let people know this. When you're consistent with anything, you're still gonna see progress.
It may not be as fast as you like, but you're still gonna see some progress cuz you're doing the right things for the right reasons and, and it often produces the right results. And, uh, After that 20 months, Brian, I, I got to a place where all of a sudden I just woke up one day and I didn't have to think about all the things I need to do, my ritualistic lists of habits I wanted to reinforce, and meals I wanted to eat.
Like I just got to a place where all of a sudden I woke up and I just started living because a lifestyle had merged. So it went to my subconscious finally, like we're literally, it almost felt like being healthy was on a. And, and it was such a beautiful thing. It was the first time I've ever really experienced that, that sense of resolve in my life. But also I owned the fact that it was me making a decision and doing some very specific actions that produced this healthier version of me.
And you know, before I used to always feel like I was a victim of change. Like change would happen and I had no control over it and it was always bad and I should be afraid of change. And this is the first time in my life where I experienced change and I recognized that, wow, I did this.
Mm. You know, I did this by doing this and committing to this, you know, and it just changed my entire perspective, which led me into doing this for the next 28 years, helping people with fitness, nutrition, mindset, their businesses. I mean, whatever they need support with. I've been able to support them with some of those biggest changes and transformations, and I love it. Brian. I honestly feel so fulfilled because like what you said earlier, You know that hero's journey we're all on.
We can sometimes be a victim. Sometimes we're a villain, right? Sometimes we're the hero, but most often than not, once we go from hero, there's that next step. And it's when we've experienced all these amazing changes in our life, we feel drawn to now help others with similar problems or challenges. And it's that full circle. And, and, and man, the fulfillment that we get from when we live into that energy and that space. Ugh, I wish that for everybody. I really do.
And, uh, and so that's, that's it, man. That is sort of the origin story of how things even got started. And, um, you know, life's not been easy since then. It's been far from it. I've had lots of challenges, but. Because I had this positive relationship with change from an early age, it's made me more of a champion of change and not so much a victim of change anymore.
And, and so that's the, the biggest learning I can offer from that early experience, and that's the thing that's really benefited me the most. You know, besides getting in control of my health, it was actually just the idea of realizing, wow, change can happen and it can happen as soon as I want. You know, and it's pretty empowering right? When you start to feel that way. Yes, yes. Uh, thank you, Thank you, Dave, for sharing all of that.
Like, I, I was, I, I hope that everybody that is watching this or listening can get the same feeling as I got as you were sharing it, because I think that this is one of the things that, uh, as, as I. Uh, talking last time with you and as I've been researching some of your things like the, that that life energy comes through when, when you're sharing that, and I think that one of the biggest things with that is that I see a lot of people.
That when they share, they don't get to a place of sharing that depth of experience in terms of being able to open themselves and to be able to, to share from a vulnerable place where, you know, like you went through something that. Is quite challenging, as you were saying, like the doctor telling you like, and, and, and you feeling this, this is like, there's this energy that is there even though you don't understand it.
Like there's, there's something big here and, and the, the idea of, okay, like. We are at a really low point. How do we change that? And I think, you know, first of all, thank you for, for being open to sharing it with us and, and thank you for sharing it. Because I always say to everyone when we share, We allow others as well to feel comfortable sharing. When we allow that, we are modeling it for others when we are truthful.
We do that because life is not all like I, I have this as well, not like I've had a wonderful life, but it hasn't been without its challenges and, and nobody knows what we really go through. Nobody knows that because we don't even know that. So when we are able to, to, to see that and to be able to, to be vulnerable and sharing, and I love like, and I want to explore now with you a couple of the things that you mentioned. You mentioned a few things that I love.
That's part of my own journey and that is part of what I shared with people. One is change, which is huge. The other one. Being a victim of our circumstances. And the other one is being able to have this consistency and this discipline to be able to create the changes so that they later on become the new way of being and not just something that we need to do.
So just to, to go a little bit deeper on that, like for me, I, I learned from one of my teachers, he was saying like, everything in life change, Everything in, in, in the universe's energy and by nature, energy changes. We are trying to control something that we, we think that we're not changing or that we're trying to prevent it, but once we allow ourselves to ride the wave of change, then life starts to be very different than when we are trying to control and to hold back on that.
And when I was able to, to see that and to, and to realize that my teacher was saying like, you got, like, you were thinking of doing something and then you started thinking, or you started to not do that. And it's like, okay, well now you have the potential now to decide. I want to change. I want to do something different. And for me, that has always been an amazing reminder of the possibility. And then to be able to, to, as you were. Like to understand that where am I placing myself?
And for a majority of people, I see this, we are victims of our circumstances and we complain about things instead of taking that radical self responsibility of what am I doing with my circumstances. So I, I want to, to bring it back to you, if you can share a little bit deeper on. For you, you've been using these, um, topics and how do you help people with change with being a victim and with discipline? Just we'll ask some easy questions right now.
Okay. So, uh, I'm joking, but you know, it's interesting cause I what you're saying there, Cause I. You know, I, I, I'm not here to talk about any one specific religion, but I, I think, you know, Buddhism, I always appreciated that the Buddha like 25, 2600 years ago, you know, he said nothing stays as it is. Everything's in the constant state of change. You know, this idea of I permanence and, uh, you know, it only took science about 2,400 years to catch up and prove that he was right.
Uh, but we've proved that. Yeah, everything's just basically energy and change is gonna happen whether we like it or not. I think that's the part that challenges our relationship with change because we don't feel like we have control over it. And I don't know if we're meant to have control over it because it's often just the production or, or the result of the actions that we have, that we do consistently right, produces some new outcome.
And when I started to work on my relationship with change, you know, obviously that early experience was very instrumental in making me more positive about change, but it didn't exactly make me a big fan of change, you know, to be honest. Like it wasn't until later, especially the last decade, I've become much more of a champion of change versus sort of that victim mentality or like, you know, it's gonna happen whether I like it or not.
So, you know, because sometimes we get into that perfectionist mode, right? Where we're like, well, Get it exactly like this, why bother? You know, like, and I'm really guilty of that one cuz the all or nothing mentality was something I had to work really hard on. And it used to limit me a lot. And by the way, I think it was largely due to this idea of change that if I couldn't do everything as I thought it was needing to be done, it won't produce the result.
And if I can't produce the result, why? Why start? And I know people with health changes, that's, that's a very real concern. You know, or, or something that limits us, right? It's like, well, if I can't work out X amount of days and I can't eat a certain way, you know, and I can't do this, I guess I'm just meant to be this way. I, I can't change. And that is so limiting, right? And it's self limiting. And, um, so change is, is important to just develop a healthier relationship with it.
Understand that it's not in our control, but we can control our commitments of how we use our. We, we are all dealing with the same inventory. , you know, it's like we got so many hours a week, 168 of them, right? And we got 365 days a year, an extra one on lead years. But here's our, that's it. We've got this time. How are we using the time? How are we spending it? How are we taking it, You know? And we start to recognize that it change typically happens over time based on effort, , right?
Uh, that's where the discipline piece comes in, or that consistency of being disciplined. Because once we start to experience change and realize, Oh, I've committed. To doing certain things because I know that I've identified that these things or actions are ultimately gonna be more aligned with the kind of life or the kind of goals, the kind of person I wanna be, you know, the kind of father I wanna be, the kind of man I wanna be, you know, kind of business owner. I wanna be like.
Once you get clarity on that, and that's where values are really important. We need to know what really is important to us in life. What are the non-negotiable. because that provides tremendous clarity. And with clarity comes confidence. And when we feel confidence, the coolest thing is we don't procrastinate as much We just don't. Because we know decisively, this is what I need to do and it's what I want to do, so I'm just gonna do it.
All these are sort of things that were learned through that initial process, but it wasn't until the last decade that I really, uh, had a much better relationship and understanding, uh, I'd say to be much more intimate with change because, you know, as an adult coming into it and having the life that I had coming to terms and accepting that I had a, a major problem with. Hmm. You know, like I really did it. It, it was funny. I changed one way of coping, , you know, food, movies.
Um, and then as I realized the social anxiety didn't go away as I got healthier. Uh, and as I started to expand my social networks, cuz all of a sudden, you know, I came this healthy fit guy and. People that normally would never acknowledge me, started acknowledging me, would invite me to things and I'd show up and I'd be a wallflower, as they said. I'd be the guy standing in the corner not talking to anybody. Cause I was shy.
I, I felt very insecure with who I was and it created a lot of anxiety for me. Because I always believed that people were always judging me and realize, you know, five years as morbidly obese teenager, in those developmental years, I've worked with therapists, I've worked with a psychologist, I've unpacked all this now. Okay, so I don't need to go relive all that . But once you get clear on what's holding you back, you can start to work towards moving past that. Mm-hmm.
. It was in that process, I recognized that, you know, alcohol now was this coping mechanism just like the food was, but it was way more accessible and way easier for me to do that because of also the association that I kept. And I know I'm saying a lot of stuff to answer your three questions here, but it's all connected and, and I'll unpack it all really cleanly for you in a second year. So, you know, here I do have the association and then on top of that I've got this drinking.
So negative association. I'm hanging out with people that that's their lifestyle. They like to drink, they like to do drugs. They might work hard, but they play harder. And a lot of the negative connotations that you may associate with that kind of a lifestyle. I was living all right. There was a lot of things I've done that I'm, I'm not proud of.
It's not in alignment with who I am and who I always wanted to be, but under that influence and in that situation with that kind of sphere of influence, I just did it. I. Even though mentally and inside, especially, you know, when you talk about how we feel about doing certain things, I didn't feel right about them, but I did them anyways. Muting my wife's phone call when she's calling me saying, Hey, you're supposed to be home two hours ago.
And seeing her call through on the phone and meet, literally turning my phone house so I can stay and hang out and drink some more, you know, like me skipping out on kids', uh, commitments, you know, with my, my children because I decided I wanted to go out with my buddies. I. All things that weren't in alignment with who I am and wanted to be, but I was doing it anyways, which made it even feel worse, , you know?
And, uh, it was after navigating that I, I got to a place and, and I think this is useful to share and I'll sort of leave it there and we can continue onward, but, uh, it was 12 years ago, my wife sat me down as she was presenting to me the idea of us separat. Hmm. And becoming co-parents for our children because, and to be fair, you know, Brian, she was right.
Um, the, the house that we were raising our kids in wasn't the healthiest of environments based on the habits and the lifestyle I was leading. And it was hard when she said it to me because, to be honest, Brian, I, I couldn't defend myself cuz I was defenseless because I couldn't justify what I was. Because it wasn't justifiable. You know?
It just wasn't like, gosh, me in my early thirties, a business owner, you know, father of two kids, someone had been married to his wife for a decade already at this point. Family man, a community man, Like it, it was hard. Okay. It was really hard. And, and she or she just asked me this question, I couldn't defend myself, and, and, and she asked me a question. And I want anybody that's listening to this or watching this, you can reframe this question any way you want to suit your situation.
But this is how it was delivered to me and my situation. So here's my wife and I. You know, I've just gotten back after an all night bender. I was at all night. I don't remember how I got home. I woke up on my floor in the bedroom the next. That's how bad it was. Right. And yeah, a lot of people are like, Holy crap. You talk a lot, you're, you're pretty vulnerable about this. I'm like, Well, it's 12 years ago. It feels like I'm talking about somebody else's life at this point.
I'm just being honest with you. Like, it's so far removed. I'm so different now than who I was 12 years ago. It, it honestly feels like I'm talking about an old TV episode or a rerun. Right? Like it's, and that's the cool thing about our brains, the further we lean into who we wanna be, we realize that we let go of whoever we used. And, and it, it's not me anymore. I, I'm okay with that. So I can talk about this very openly and not feel as bad.
Still have a little bit of guilt here and there, but I, I've moved through that and, and my wife asked me this question, Brian, die, are you being the type of man that you would want to marry your daughters? And that question, just put everything in perspective for me very quickly. Cause I realized the person I was model. The person that I was also mentoring from a habits and just the way I was showing up in certain situations, especially in front of my kids.
If anybody like me at that point in time in my life that acted like I was acting, showed up on my doorstep and wanted to get close with the most important women in my life, I wouldn't even let 'em in the door. Mm-hmm. . This is who I was saying was, okay, this is what I was saying to my kids. You know, as a man that identifies as a man, you know, when I'm using this language, please recognize that it's, you know, . My daughters saw this and that was, I was telling them, this is what a man is.
I said, What a father is, you know, this is okay. And, and she was absolutely right. I wasn't being that. And I made a commitment to go one year without drinking. And uh, that one year's turned into almost 13 now, just because all of a sudden removing the one crutch put me in a very awkward position where I realized, geez, change is gonna be hard again. But I've been through something hard. Mm-hmm. , I, I'm resilient. I can get through hard stuff. It's in my dna.
Just like it's in your dna, Brian. It's like in everybody's dna, like look at this. Human beings are very resilient. We're all across the planet. It's like 8 billion of us all the climate change. People say, Yeah, we're too resilient, but you know that being aside, we are resilient. It's in our dna. And, and so I leaned in.
I found help and uh, you know, it was a very challenging year, but it was also the most important year of my life as far as I'm concerned, because that one year has set me up for the rest of my life, put me on a path where I feel I'm on a path, the right one now. Hmm. And, uh, none of that would've happened had my wife not had the patience to sit me down and ask me a really hard question. , you know, uh, at the right time for the right reasons, and she asked it in a very kind, loving way.
Wasn't meant to be attacking, but it was meant to be enlightening. Hm. And that was it. Man, That was literally the, the turning point where everything else just started to, to to fall away and everything became easier, which is weird, right? Like, it's almost weird to say that now, like by making that one change, it felt like life got easier.
Like it, it is weird, like I, I don't know how else better to put it other than all these other obstacles were really connected to the one obstacle, which is my abuse of alcohol. I removed the one thing which automatically eliminated a bunch of other little annoying challenges in my life. Because everything was just really attached to the one issue. Yeah. And, and I think that's a cool thing.
If anybody takes anything away from what I've just shared these last few minutes talking about this, is what is that one thing in your life that's holding everything else up? Mm. You know, like, what is that one thing? Because chances of that one thing is actually probably creating a lot of other things that cascade over top of it. So what is that one thing? Yeah. You know, what is that, that that one thing that you know, if you can just take care of that, everything else is gonna start to.
Mm. You know, and, and, and I think deep down, we all know what that one thing is for us, even though we may not want to acknowledge it and own it, open up about it. But deep down I feel that everybody knows what that one thing is. And, uh, it's just a matter of really putting things into motion and trusting that you can. Yes. I know. It's, that's a whole sidebar there. . No, that's, that's, that's great.
Once again, thank you for, for being open to, to sharing all of this because I think that, as you were just saying, what you were modeling for your daughters, now you're modeling as well. For your daughters, but for everyone that is like that you are having an impact in their life. Whether they're listening, whether they're watching you, whether they know anything, because this is, I think that this is the important thing. It's not where we were, it's not.
It's not our history, it's what we are now. And I think that one of the things that, that you mentioned, and for me, I use the word alignment a lot. Like when we are in alignment with ourselves, with our being life, as you were saying, life becomes easier because we start to flow. We start to actually be with life instead of being that victim instead of of trying to control. We are serving the wave.
And when we allow ourselves to do that, it, of course, it takes sometimes the time and the effort and we need to look in, we need to ask those hard questions. Perhaps we find someone in our lives to ask them that you have your, your partner to ask it that hard question. And as well, I think, you know, like I, I come from a lot of. Work on healing, and this is one of of the things that I do. And, and for me, healing is a returning to wholeness. That is the process of healing.
Healing is just returning to a place of wholeness. And one of the things that I see with a lot of people is when they change habits. Sometimes they haven't gone to the depth of why that is there. Why did you need the uh, food? Why did you need the video games? Why then did you need the alcohol? Because you are trying to numb something. You're trying to push something down because we don't want to feel it.
It's too much and it's perfectly okay that it's too much because in my belief, in my experience, We have lots of shit like through from our own childhood and as well, like I work a lot with our ancestors and everything that came through as well. Like there's lot of stuff that is there and it can be hard to look at it, so then we just put stuff on top. Yet that prevents us from living life to its full.
To our full potential and to be, as you were saying, the man or the women or however we identify as that we want to be. And, and as you were saying before, when we have that clarity of our values, of what it is that we stand for, of how we want to show up every single day, then it's easy to see like, Oh, I had. I'm, I'm interest, like I haven't been doing that. Or today I like, I procrastinated doing something else instead of the thing that I know.
Yeah. That brings me energy, that brings love and kindness and brings all of this wonderful feelings. Cause I know that's, that's it. And for each of us, that is different. This is one of the things that I always say, like, what does success mean for me? Like that is, For me, I don't care. How does that look for anybody else?
I want that life for me to be able to be and to be happy, and to be well, and to be content, and to be able to live the life that I want to live in my own terms and, and to be open to that change. To be open to things evolving. And because we are all evolving after we're talking about change. Everything evolves. We evolve and we change and we, and we grow and we learn. And I think that one of the biggest things with this all of the time is to look to what's behind.
Those behaviors, What's behind those habits? What's behind, especially those things that we have normalized, as you were saying, like alcohol has been so normalized as something like people do. Um, but it could be drunk, it could be like watching like tv. It could be anything. And, and yes, there's some habits that are. Uh, healthier and some that are unhealthy, yet they are all something that is covering what's behind.
And I think when we get to that place of understanding what's behind that and we can actually touch it, we start to change our relationship with ourselves and we start to change our relationship with everyone and everything else. So do you have anything that you would like to, to add on what I should.
I I love what you just shared and, and you're absolutely right cuz I, and I know I kind of skirted over this, but my parents just so you know, did divorce when I was, uh, was separated when I was nine and then eventually divorced a couple years later. And, but during that traumatic period, you know, it was really hard for me. And, and again, I'm dating myself. I'm 45, but this is like 30 years. How long is this? A ago, let's see, that'd be 32, 33 years ago.
You know, divorce wasn't what it is today. You know, there's more people divorced than married now, you know what I mean? Like, it's, it's, it's a very interesting, and, and we can unpack that, but I don't think it's the point to talk about that today. But, uh, regardless, you know, back then there was only one other kid in my class that had parents that weren't together any longer.
And, and you know, for me it was just really hard that we didn't have any tools or resources or ways of dealing with that stress and they didn't know how to help me. And so I learned to console. Myself with other things, you know, food is one. It made me feel good in the moment, really good. So I wouldn't have to think about anything. Think about how sad I was or depressed I was, you know? And same with the video games. Instant feedback, right? Dopamine. Thank you.
. You know, like it was just, Simple, easy, uh, path of least resistance, but that compounded very negatively over time. And, uh, the only I can add to what you said there is, is through these periods of change, uh, I've realized that there's, there's a few questions I was able to recognize happened every single time. I've gone through big, big change cuz I also, I live with a chronic autoimmune disease I was diagnosed with about seven years ago.
And a lot of people are like, Whoa, that sounds severe. And it is, you know, my hematologist would like me to live in a bubble, but I'm like, I'm not gonna live in a bubble like that would really stink, you know, like, uh, both literally and figurin. But I, I didn't, I don't wanna do that. Right? And, and, uh, so I, I've made very specific choices on how I live my lifestyle, how I manage my stress.
You know how I practice recovery, mental health practices, it's all geared to helping me keep the symptoms at bay, which I'm, I do very successfully and, but it's all because I make a choice. But here's the thing, with all these challenges, there's three questions. That has been uniform amongst all of them. And I didn't sit down and write the questions out when I asked them, but they were the questions that my subconscious and even consciously I was working through.
And so I like to always share this with people cuz anybody that's listening, watching this, just if there's anything you take away from our conversation with Brian and me today, these three questions, are it okay And the three questions are, number one, as soon as you start feeling like you need to make a change, Whether you want to or you need to, it doesn't matter. Sometimes we don't want to, but we need it . Sometimes we need it and we don't want it. Regardless. Change is happening.
Question number. Can I do this You know, like, can I do this? Can I actually do this? Can I lose this weight as a 15 year old kid? Can I actually go from being morbidly obese to being healthy? Can I do this? And that brings up whole lots of, of, of thoughts in our heads when we ask ourselves, Can I do x? And X is the thing that we've identified. It's that we want. It's the change that we want. Because now it starts to show us that, wow, I'm not a hundred percent confident that I can. Why is.
It's usually lack of knowledge. Cause we just don't understand. We don't know what to do or how to do it. Sometimes we don't even, like what you were saying earlier, Brian, we don't know why we're doing it either. Right. So figuring out the motivation behind it. But all that aside that, that question can I do this shows us that, you know, with a little bit more education, Learning a bit more. Maybe I have to find someone to learn from.
Maybe I have to take a course, maybe I have to read a book or two, watch some videos. I mean, whatever it is, I gotta learn more so I can feel more confident that, yeah, I can do this too, and create some of these changes. And, and so at 15 years old, I remember riding my bike to the local library with my backpack and getting books out on fitness and nutrition, taking all those books home and going through them because I didn't know what to. And I was so embarrassed about my state of obesity.
I didn't want to ask anybody for help. Again, remember, this is pre-internet, okay? Like, so I, I didn't have the Google to go to, to ask my questions. I had to go old school, you know? And, and that was the process. But as I gained more confidence because my knowledge is grown, I was like, Oh man, I can do that. Oh, I can eat like that. Yeah, I can work out. I can move my body. So if I do that, I'm, I'm gonna get results. Well, can I do that? Yeah, I can.
Because you have to get a yes on question one before you move to question two. So you get a yes. Can I do this? Yes. Okay. Now you gotta ask question two. If I do this, will it work? Right? That is such a big one because like I've seen before about the all or nothing mentality, that's always been a big challenge for me. It's like, well if I can't do it all like this, why bother? You know, I won't even start. Um, and, and so like if I do this, will it work?
If I start to do the things that I've identified in step one, will this actually produce the results? It's a little bit of a leap of faith at times if we're brand new and you don't have any other sources to rely on. But the cool thing about the worldwide web now, and people like yourself, Brian, that produce amazing content that inspires, motivates and educates us and does it in a very fun way.
By the way, , you know, you create these resources like a lot of other people do, where we can see examples of other people that have already accomplished similar changes. Hmm. And all of a sudden it's like, well, they did it. Oh, that person did it too. Oh yeah, that person over there did this as well. He, can I do this? Will it work? Will it work for them? So I think, yeah, it'll work for me too. And so it is a bit of a leap of faith. And then we just gotta do the thing that we've identified.
So we get a yes and a yes. Can I do this? Yes. If I do this, will it work? Yes. Now question three, is it worth it? Now, if I'm working with an organization or a group, a non-profit, and there's a bunch of people, sure, I can say, Is it worth it when we're talking change management? But where the real impact happens for us and the clarity comes is when we look in the mirror and we ask ourselves, Am I worth it? I wish I could say that.
That question's an easy one to answer, but it's actually the hardest of the questions to answer. That's also why I save it for number three, . You know, it's because if you're in a place, and, and I think this is the coolest thing because, and when I say cool, I guess it's, it depends in the subjective that way, but I is it, the coolest thing is, is we can start to recognize that we may not have that confidence in ourselves. Mm-hmm. We may not believe that we're worth it where we're at.
I'll tell you, 15 years old, did I believe I was worth it? Was I worth the change? No. I. I didn't feel like I had many value to offer. I just wanted somebody to love me, somebody to want me. But I didn't even want myself. So, you know, it was a very slippery slope when you talk about the psychological and the emotional state I was in at the time. But I wanna be sensitive that we all get there, especially when we're dealing with really hard change.
And so to look at a mirror and say, Am I worth it? If we can't answer yes, cuz we don't have that belief in ourselves yet, there's actually question three B. Well, who do I need to surround myself with?
To make these changes happen or to keep the changes happen, or sustain the changes, because that community piece is so powerful because even though you may not have the confidence or the belief in yourself that the change that you can do the change, get around a bunch of other people that are already on a similar journey. Get around a community that you don't just join a community that you feel like you belong to because they're gonna be able to drip the belief into you.
Cuz they've already had a different place on the journey. They're a few steps ahead. They've already tripped, they've fallen, they've helped each other get up. They've pat off the dust and they're here to welcome us, to now join them on this journey. They will pour the belief into us. They will remind us that we are worth it until we believe that for ourselves. Yes, that's it.
I think if you look at these questions through the lens of change, no matter the change that you go through, you'll find that these questions are incredibly clarifying at helping give us direction. Yes, may not give us all the answers, but it gives us direction. And with direction, we can at least confidently start making forward steps. , you know, we can get off on that journey and confidently feel well, this may not be exactly where I want to go, but at least it's in the direction , you know?
Yes. So I can see and experience progress. Mm. Because there's nothing more fulfilling than being able to see that the things that we do create positive adaptation in our lives. Mm. Yes. And, and that's it, man. That was the, the gist of the whole thing. And, uh, hopefully that added and gave some value, but that, that's sort of what I've gone through, you know? And now those, that's my filter.
Every time I come up to big change, I, I go through those questions, you know, And, and it's really been very helpful in me navigating some very challenging change. Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing those questions, Diane. And I think that you're welcome, as was just sharing when we can get to that place of creating momentum. Yes. That is, that is the, that is the space because Yes, it's step by step.
We create momentum and we maintain it because, We know that the answer is yes to those questions, and that we wanna get to that place of, of understanding that we are worthy of being here, of being loved, of, of, of being alive, and being able to live this life. So thank you guys so much. I know that we're getting to the end of this episode, but thank you so much for sharing everything that you have shared.
If you're listening to this episode and anything resonated with you, go and check out more of a day. Does, where can they find you? Oh, well thanks for asking Brian. The easiest way to find me is learn how to spell my name, and I know it's a weird one, uh, but d a i Welch named for David Manuel is Portuguese. So yeah, Welsh and Portuguese. Uh, as far as my background, but as I tell everybody, I'm just Canadian, so don't worry about it, you know, like , but diamond manuel.com.
My main website is a great resource. I've got about 1500 articles. I've been blogging for literally 13, 14 years now. Lots of content there just geared to help people with exactly what we're talking about today. Outside of that, My name Diamond, Well is the same handle I have on every social media network that I'm on. And I'm most active on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. So I would say just find me, Let's have a conversation. You know, Hey, I heard you on Brian's show.
Here's the change I'm working through right now. That's a great place for us to start a conversation, , you know, Cause I like to acknowledge people and, and, and really praise people for, for embracing change. Yes. And, and I don't think enough of us. Acknowledged or seen, you know, like we, and that, that, that is my goal is just to help people feel like they've been seen, they've been heard, and, and praise them, you know, for, for navigating the change in life.
So if I can offer that to anybody that's listening to this, seek me out please. Beautiful, Beautiful. So go and do that. If you're listening and watching this, thank you so much Di for taking the time for sharing everything and thank you room for listening and we'll see you all in the next. Bye bye. What did you like the most about this episode? Take a moment to think about what change you can make in your life today.
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