¶ Welcome to the Cologne Podcast
Hello everybody , welcome to a brand new episode of the Cologne Podcast .
I'm Mike , I'm Ryan . We're two best friends . We're going on a fragrance journey , smelling brand new fragrances and giving you uneducated opinions .
Today , fresh off the press , we just got a sample not a bottle , because we're cheap of Parfums de Marly's .
Castley , that's right . It's now out in stores . You can buy it , this brand new fragrance . But should you ? And that's the question we're going to answer today on this episode of the Cologne Podcast with Mike and Ryan ?
But before we do , don't you have something really nice to say about it ?
Oh well , I don't know , ryan , because I can't wait to spray and smell it , but I have something that someone else wants to say about it , okay , and that's from Fred Grantica , a gentleman named Mate you Want Coco , okay who says it's been released in selected places . Bruh , I don't know about weak , but it does not smell good .
First off , there's a lot of things you can tear down about me , but I never will respect somebody online or offline that says bruh , yeah , I fucking hate it . It is criminally childish to me . I don't know why I do a lot of childish things .
Yeah , I'm not ignorant to this , but you're like , listen here , good fellow .
Dude , I don't know there's something about bruh . Yeah , I don't know , it just drives me crazy .
And you just feel like that's the type of thing you say when you just woke up or freaking hung over , or you just hit your freaking thc pin like bruh .
that's already been released , bruh hey , bruh , don't worry , it's not a cigarette .
I can legally blow it in your goddamn face here , not anymore , not in Texas . On vapes , I mean , oh you're talking about vapes .
Well , yeah , it's about to be . Abbott hasn't signed it yet , has he ? Or did ?
he , I don't know . I just see a lot of Texans on Facebook going way to go . You loser Like they're pissed .
Yeah , let me tell you the state of affairs here in Texas before we get into this dumbass perfume . Yeah , this is why you tuned in . Yeah , let me show you how forward-thinking we are here in Texas . Yeah , joe Rogan's down in Austin smoking big doinks in the Amish .
Big doinks in the Austin .
It's like I mean me and Mike are not really partakers of Mary G Juana . Yeah , thc gummies we had one together , one , yeah , and it still frustrates me that we're taking a step back . Something that's made $8 billion in profits that can be taxed . Yeah , they're just like hey , uh , sweet jesus himself wouldn't pick this from the ground and smoke it .
We gotta ban this people are they're ravenous on it ? Yeah , look how high he is . He's sitting on his goddamn couch watching old daughter . He reruns .
he looks fucking crazy look at him and he's stopping please and eating garlic knots yeah , fucking christ yeah , everybody in my news feeds going it's like it's less harmful than a wine cooler . That's what everybody keeps saying . I don't know who first coined that , but everybody's saying
¶ Texas Politics Tangent
that now . Less harmful than a wine cooler . Look we don't really drink much either , but I can honestly say , unless we're doing a patreon live for the fireside chat friends in which ryan was double fisted . Mike hard , mike's hard lemonade , don't make me sound too hard up over here , okay that's funny .
We had a friend come in the studio and they saw the empty bottles and they said uh , you guys trying to get some cheerleaders drunk in here .
Some friends brought it months ago and I'm like nobody's drinking this shit . I was kind of nervous . I was like I'm going to drink a couple of these and they were terrible , but it just drives me crazy . Hey to the adults in the room grow the fuck up and get the fuck out of here , man .
And let him have his gummies , y'all .
I don't need them , I'm just going like I know for a fact me and you have taken a shot of whiskey or drink something here . I get a little bit more braver on that . The time we took a gummy I was like , hey , mike , shut the fuck up , you're gonna get us kicked out of here . Yeah , I just want to eat this ice cream .
So paranoid . Yeah , it's the worst to happen . You're gonna fucking call the cops on us , man calm down scoop .
And here's , here's my . I'm the king of time . That's the worst that happened , guys . It just drives me crazy . I'm tired of things going backwards . Look , I'm not trying to make this the fucking liberalist fucking state in the world . I don't give a fuck about any of that shit .
But come on , man , we've all fucking drank a beer or toked one with a fucking conservative or liberal . We all fucking do it every once in a while . Get out of here . Get the fuck out of here .
All right , that's my rant of somebody that does not partake but is equally pissed that we're making a step backwards and now let's go back in time , just much like this bill is doing to our one night stand .
Review of O Splendide Chance by Janelle .
Hit the music , Todd yeah .
¶ One Night Stand Review: Chanel's Chance
One night stand review Before your liberal rant On mind-altering substances . What did you think of Chance O'Splendite ?
In the episode I referenced that it smells similar to Ralph Lauren . I was corrected on the Patreon that it's not Ralph Lauren , right , that I was an idiot for saying it that way , but that Ralph Lauren . It's like a teal perfume bottle , yeah , and I think that does it better , by the way , and it's crazy cheap , but it smells similar to that .
But then it just really got . It just didn't get good . It felt it didn't feel like Chanel . Yeah , open to close . It does not feel like a Chanel . It does smell decent .
Yeah , but it does smell on the cheaper side , absolutely , and it does smell very youthful , yes . One of our beloved Patreons , a lady Denise , said that she did feel like it smelled very youthful , yeah , and so then it was off-putting for her because it smells like a teenage body spray or something .
Yeah , and I think that's because it has that overdose of that raspberry in there .
Yeah , and which we were excited for . Yeah , we were hoping I would . I was hoping I was gonna have this chanel . I kind of compare chanel's kind of vibe to sometimes it's stringent which I kind of like , yeah , it didn't really have that and I was thinking it's gonna be that with , like this tart raspberry thing .
I was like that could be really cool and it honestly was really not cool so yeah , it's .
I don't think it had any struggles with longevity or anything like that , but it just it wasn't great , it was terrible . Okay , it's a skip . Yeah , I'm gonna have to go with a skip too . I mentioned on the episode , and I really do think that would be something to consider .
If you're looking for a berry type designer fragrance that you can find at heavily discounted prices , you may consider the one million lucky woman from what's that ? Paco ruban , yeah , paco ruban , and it has that raspberry type . It's a sweet raspberry fragrance . Have I smelled that ? I don't know if you have you . You like it , though I do like it .
It is very , very strong . So a little dab will do you , okay , but you know a decent alternative at a way more affordable price . That's all we
¶ First Impressions of PDM's Castley
got for that one . Let's get into it , man . New PDM Castley , damn , spray it up y'all .
So a little backstory . We've only smelled this in decant form . We smelled it once before . They wouldn't even let us leave the store with it . They could just spray it on a test strip and let us smell that .
This is before the release of it , like about a week or two for the release , and the very first thing I thought was oh , it's kind of like imagination with a little something else , right ? Do you think we're going to have the same ?
vibe , I'm ready to find out if you'd spray the freaking thing .
Isn't it so crazy we get to the studio and things smell different .
Yeah .
Does it smell different to you ?
I haven't put it up to my nose yet . Whoa Smells way different , really different , than what I remember . Man , I instantly am not liking this right now , really , yeah , not liking it . Wow , huh , that might just be like the first initial burst of it . You know how it has to like .
Settle five minutes , or so I'm not going to lie , I'm kind of loving this actually . Really , you're not liking that man .
The first spray out of the atomizer had this very rough , almost clay-type smell to it .
Weird To me . I was going to say it has a slight bubble gum , but there's a classy undertone to that . Usually when I smell fragrances that have the bubble gum thing , they just smell really young . This one does not smell young somehow .
Smell my hand and tell me if it smells like clay mixed with the opening of red tobacco .
First off , kind of not really . But secondly , that smells incredible on you by the way .
Well , thanks , pal .
Does it smell the same to you like it does on me ?
No , it's a lot lighter on you . God , it smells great on you . What the hell We've mentioned this a time or two before ? Guys , I have magic skin .
He's just putting lotion on all the time . I'll like walk by the door and they'll hear . And it's just him rubbing lotion all over his body .
There's literally two gallons of shea butter on the oven , like the stovetop here in the studio right now . It's true .
He's a very lubed up individual .
Okay , yeah , I like to stay moist .
You can't just corral him , he just slips through .
I like to be hard to hold on , but what are you smelling ?
Man , I really get a very . I get this mix of bubble gum slash , sophisticated , classy , masculine kind of vibe . It does not smell like imagination , like it did that first time .
No , I think honestly , and we had told ourselves this , I think we were just looking for imagination out there , I am loving this Testo strip , my skin , your skin especially .
This smells really good to me , but you're not vibing it .
No , I'm not On the card . I remember because we smelled it on the card in the store and it does smell bright , citrusy , clean . Yeah , it's good , it's good , it smells good On my skin . I'm fighting some sort of weird synthetic smell , really . Yeah , it's calming down , but when it first hit I was like , oh my God , this is terrible .
This smells so good in the best way , because it wasn't that I thought it smelled bad , I just thought it smelled similar to the imagination . It was very mass appealing , safe , and I will still say it's very mass appealing and safe . But it doesn't . It smells pretty unique , you know .
On the card . It kind of gives me really chanel vibes I can agree with that a hundred percent .
But who does it better ?
Oh , Chanel , baby which , by the way , we just did a full-length episode of the Lore Home Sport O-Extreme for the Patreons . That's going to be a Patreon exclusive . If you're not a Patreon , it's six bucks a month . We're doing heavy hitters over there , baby .
Yeah , we have a great community there . There's a ton of people in there and they're such good people .
Yeah , You're missing out if you're not in the Patreon . So if you want that community aspect and you want to hear episodes like Chanel's Allure , homme , sport O Extreme , go be a Patreon Now that Mike's done , shilling his ass off . It's amazing what we'll do for $6 .
If the two-gallon drum of Sheaa butter is any indication I'm slick and ready ? Oh god , let me hit you with the price and popularity really quick . Okay , price for this bad boy is like in the 300 , a little bit over 300 for 100 oh 4.2 ml .
Yeah , so 125 , or they do a 75 mil , which was 270 , 270 , yeah , yeah popularity .
This is like a 4.03 , I believe , but it only has like a small amount of votes . Actually , I was really close 4.06 out of 5 , only 192 votes . That's to be expected . This is brand new . Brand new , yeah .
It hit the shelves , at least where we're at , two days ago and you got a text from the people . Yeah , as of this recording , yeah , I asked our pal Felicia Shout out Felicia To shoot me a text whenever it's officially available for purchase .
Yeah , she came through and I'm going to tell you this does smell pretty good . We'll have to get into that later . There's a thing we're going to talk about later in our Skip it , Sample it , Buy it part .
Well then , why don't you talk to them about raccoons
¶ The Great Raccoon Saga
Ryan ?
Yeah , we mentioned this on our patreon last week , that day when I we recorded that episode , I have been dealing with a raccoon problem for quite a minute now , yeah , and this , right , I'd set my ring . I took my ring camera off the door and I put it in .
It's figured out a way to get into this garage and I , like you know , I put it there and I've set this . I borrowed this trap from the people over here . I've got this laid out . I can't tell you how many countless nights this son of a bitch has just daintily got into the fucking thing . Daughter of a bitch , yeah , yeah , it was a female .
It would just get in there and it would just delicately grab every little thing out there without . It was literally . I've got footage . It was investigating the trap . I've got footage . It was investigating the trap . I've looked this up since .
Yeah , apparently raccoons are pretty tech savvy and so they're very like , aware , like , hey , this is a trap , they're trying to get me Right .
It's like literally pushing on different levers and stuff on this thing , trying to trigger it , oh , and then it texted its friends and was like hey , there's Sam and Alfredo out here for you guys to , and every night I would get a notification . It wakes me up . I'm like goddamn , it's fucking 2 o'clock in the morning .
This thing's in there , it's trying to get in . I'm like watch intently . Is this the night ? It's going to get it Nothing . And then she really pissed me off . I go into my garage one morning this week and this raccoon it took the biggest fucking shit and it smells god awful .
I can now tell you guys insult to injury , yeah , not only have you been feeding it like fancy feast , yeah , but now it's gonna defecate in your space dude , it really pissed me off and I'm telling you guys , raccoon shit has a weird must to it .
I was like fuck this fucking animal . So your boy got hip . I went and got a can of fancy face . I barely cracked the tab on it . I took an . I went straight up macgyver . I found an old shoe that nobody was wearing . It's fucking 10 years old . I took the laces out of it . I tied the shittiest knot around this can , with it barely open .
I put the can inside , then fed that freaking shoestring all the way to the lever mechanism so it could either step inside and trigger it , but if it pulled the can , it also triggered it . Oh , and by golly , guys , you did it . This morning I caught her and she was the cutest fucking animal I've ever seen in my life .
It was like , yeah , it was hissing and coming at me , but I'm gonna tell you it looks so sad . When I opened the door I was like , oh man , now look , just so you know it's not being killed . The people take it out further , like miles away from us , and they have a little , uh , designated area where they can safely release raccoons .
Yeah , so I mean it may find its way back to my house , but for right now she's living good . I fed her good , she had water . I even gave her blueberries this morning , so it's like she's good . What'd you name her ? I didn't name her , I should have . God , she's so cute looking .
But you're like it's got thumbs so I'd be texting all my deepest , darkest secrets .
Yeah , pretty much . So , yeah , that's all there is to it . I had to get rid of her , but she was genuinely a pain in the ass and sometimes you got to get rid of those pains in the ass .
Well , if it ever comes back , I'll tell you what would really entice them . What's that to eat ? That would be chapushi , ryan , chapushi , chapushi , the fuck is . It's a concoction . Well , it's technically a technique of how to eat chipotle . Oh okay , yeah , so I was mentioning to you , I forgot . A friend reminded me that apparently I eat chipotle .
A weird way , I'm evangelizing this way , by the way .
I hate that you like Chipotle , I love Chipotle . I've told you this forever . You like that and Pan Express and I don't fucking get it .
I've gotten the worst case of food poisoning ever from Chipotle and I still love it . Why would you go back to that shit ? I mean because I no longer go to that specific chipotle that I went to , but I legit it was so bad . I wrote corporate , I'm not even kidding you , dude , it was terrible . I had never been that sick before .
From the morgue I wrote yeah , literally an icu . They're like oh my god , he , he's going to speak . And I was like email Chipotle corporate , please , but the unique way , and hell , you guys may do it too , but this is the way you need to eat Chipotle .
His colostomy bag's full of blood .
Yeah , that was the least of the symptoms that I was dealing with , dude , I'm telling you that was intense , but I still eat it , still love it . Yeah , when you get one of them Big Daddy burritos , I mean you pack it down .
Oh , this is what we have another beef with too . Okay , because you love things like it's going to sound weird , but might be loving things stuffed full Of meat .
Yeah .
Yeah .
I'm like I know we can fit one meat in there , but can we fit two ?
I'm like there's enough meat in between these buns , Nah .
I'm like there's never enough meat in between my buns .
Talking about Jimmy John's here . Guys ,
¶ Chapushi: Myke's Chipotle Technique
you just can't have , I don't want to have that much meat on my freaking bun .
Oh dude , I'm like if I don't take a bite and there's just meat falling out of my mouth , there's not enough meat . Okay , you get one of these big daddy burritos . By the way , I'm doing triple , double or triple meat . I got to . I need the protein . Guys , I'm trying to balance out my macros here . Oh yeah , there's a lot of carbs here .
There's , there's rice , there's tortilla . That's two carbs . Yeah , I'm like I need at least three meats then to balance this shit out Either way .
So you get your big daddy burrito and they wrap it up and I just take a knife and I will cut that burrito in half and I just hold it like a bowl and then I'll eat out of the burrito and then , once it kind of gets empty enough , then I'll just kind of roll it back up and eat it as a mini burrito by itself .
And that's called gabushi , that's called chapushi , because it's like chipotle and sushi in a way . Chapushi , wow , yeah , and I'm I guarantee you , any animal with opposable thumbs would love to eat that fucking meal well , considering what they already left behind for me to clean up .
I don't know , I want to give it , so you don't want to hook it up with some chapushi . Yeah , then I got me and the raccoon are writing corporate . I'm good . Yeah , uh , who's wearing this piece of shit ?
Because you know why I don't like it right now , why the other day we walked out and I go , oh , and I said in a good way , then I shouldn't call it a piece of shit , I'm sorry , somebody worked hard on this and yeah , the owner of pdm himself for real . There's probably a lot of people that will love this .
But we walked out and I was like you know , this is kind of giving me like a hair salon vibe , like the , the hair sprays and stuff they would use , the stuff they wash your hair with , like all that in the air , you know , and right now it smells like that , but like with your hair underneath one of those you know where the women have their hair and rolls
, and so it's kind of burning things . Oh , you know , they got the chemical fucking fold all fucked , folded up and they're sitting or anything . That's what it's kind of smelling like .
It's kind of getting a perm yeah , my dad got a perm one time , mine did too . Oh , that's right , and your brother yeah . They look ridiculous .
If I find those pictures , they will definitely get put up .
My grandma used to tell me a story . At the time my dad got in trouble because he's trying to like acid wash his jeans or whatever you know . He's like bleaching them and ruining his jeans . She's like he nearly ate holes through those jeans ?
Oh Lord , Did he walk around with a perm and like a medallion in his freaking hamburger ? I'm sure yeah . I don't know why that got popular Dude .
I mean I just he would make his own V-necks . I'm sure everybody's parents did this , but , like you know , but they just cut the crew neck and make it a V-neck . Yeah , I'm like cool .
Well , who would be wearing this fragrance ? I mean , it does smell good to a degree .
Yeah , especially on the tester strip . On the tester strip it's giving me big BDC vibes .
Hmm , I don't get that . But I did initially , but I'm not getting that right now .
Yeah , it's not bad on the skin .
¶ Final Verdict: Skip It, Sample It, or Buy It
I hate to say this , but of PDM stuff , this probably smells the most generic . Wow , yeah , I agree , I've ever smelled from them . I agree , and I know people will compare other fragrances that they make , which is so funny , by the way , because I I've heard this quite a few times that pdm is like basically a niche clone house of designer stuff .
I won't argue that their fragrances lean designer wearability . Yeah , I don't know of many fragrances that they're copying , other than I think percival is like leaning heavy into a few .
But other than that I will say they do kind of have their own personality , but this one just it feels really flat , it does and kind of uninspired , honestly honestly , though , it's crazy .
My hand smells crazy , different than the tester strip . Yeah , I'm , you smell mine . That doesn't smell good at all right now . What the hell I know I'm .
I don't know what this is doing to my skin , man dude that that's a weird one .
I've been asking multiple times about who would be wearing this . Who's your avatar for this thing ?
I think younger dudes really young dudes high school , early college years , I think they're roping them in with the Percivals and now the Castles and stuff like that . I think they're getting them there , yeah , and then that's their gateway drug . That's right , yeah . And before long then they're wearing Habdan and stuff like that .
Hey , I did like that . Hey , I , I did like that . Yeah , it smelled great , smelled incredible . We tried that on while we were getting this . I was like fuck , I put on my hand worn . I was like it smelled really good all day . It was great . Yeah , okay , are you gonna skip it , sample it or buy it ? What are you gonna do , ryan ?
Look , I know the co-founder worked hard on this , so I'm not going to really dress this down , even though I kind of did .
But yeah , he is an avid listener .
But well , first off , he's avidly wealthy , so he'll be okay , He'll survive .
Yeah , but I will say they're going to sell plenty of bottles of this .
Yeah , they're going to sell this .
This is an easy skip for me , really easy skip the easy skip for me , really easy skip , yeah , same , you know . And our initial reaction to it ? We got to smell it like a tester tester that they sent , yeah , before they even had a bottle of this . Yeah , and we were impressed with it and really hyped up about it .
So then yesterday I did yesterday , we go in and we sprayed that . I go hey , we're about to go to a meeting , can we spray this on the skin , go to the meeting and then come back and we'll make our decision . Because the lady texted and said hey , let me know if you want me to put a bottle bag for you .
Yeah , so we spray it on , we go to the meeting . We've run some errands In the meantime , we're smelling it and kind of talking about it .
And whenever I got back , uh , just from the experience of actually wearing it on the skin and being out of the store , convinced me not to buy it absolutely and I ended up buying another fragrance that if you're a patreon , you know what it is , and if you're're not a Patreon , shame on you .
If you're having trouble sleeping and I'm wondering what fragrance that was , well , you can pay six bucks and find out .
That's it for this week's show . We love you guys . Wait a second .
What Is this ? A skip for you ? I thought , yeah . I said that Okay , skip for me too . It's not bad . Now you cut off my goddamn exit Spray it up , y'all .