¶ Intro
hello everybody , welcome to the cologne podcast I'm mike and I'm ryan .
We're two best friends . We're going on a fragrance journey .
We're smelling fragrances sent in by patreons named david and giving you uneducated opinions I did the cardinal sin today of not taking a huge piss before I got on here , so I may be a little rushed . This episode , it just hit me . I don't feel like getting up , but we're smelling jerjoff's iomi monkey special . Yeah , monkey special .
So they have a couple different versions of this , I guess I thought they were . I thought it was just one and then they were releasing a second one . But tony iomi is the guitar player for black sabbath . You guys may have known that Little classic rock fame there and I think the guys from old Jerjoff are pretty big fans of old school rock and roll .
Really , yeah , I think so Okay , I mean , this sounds interesting , I'm ready .
I don't think you're ready for what Lampo has to say about it . Got my sample today . It stinks , terrible smell . I can't say more . Apparently I'm one of the few who dislike absolutely sample before you buy . You know that is words of wisdom that we've preached here on the cologne podcast for 290 episodes . Is this 290 ?
yeah , I think so . We are 10 short episodes away from celebrating 300 .
Oh yeah , and we've got a plan for that one . Actually it's a no big deal . Oh , okay , good Lord . Well , you know what was a big deal ? Black lacquer let's do a little one night stand review of that , shall we ?
Hit
¶ One Night Stand Review: Black Lacquer
the music , Todd yeah .
One night stand review . Well , ryan , after spending the night in those black satin sheets with that beautiful tom ford just caressing your chest hair , what do you have to say ?
well , I'm quite sure he would enjoy this hamburger meat that I got over here .
Yeah , but I will say verifiably that I fucking love that fragrance how come your arms aren't as hairy as mine when our chests are equally hairy ?
yeah , I'm pretty fucking hairy dude . Dude that in my back .
Yeah , you got some good here , I got , we got the I call it like the coach hair , you know it's like oh , it pops up yeah when you were , like you know , you know , in school and the coaches are talking to you always got that fucking chest hair hanging up out of their fucking athletic shirt or whatever .
Yeah , it's weird , I've got , like robin williams , hairy arms he fucking does , and mine's like all blonde and like silky and everything and you know , not crazy slightly effeminate , yeah , very effeminate . And you should see his hands . They're beautiful I I have literally gotten compliments on my hands before .
Yeah I'm dead serious . I don't get compliments on my hands . I get compliments on how healthy my nails are . Yeah , I need to get mine in better shape , but tom ford's black lacquer is a fantastic fragrance start to finish and , ironically enough , it's extremely manly .
Yeah , I think it's where you were trying to go with this . Uh , it smells like you walked into a house that just had the cabinetry's done and they just painted them .
Dude , it just smells fucking good , but then they're also like burning incense or something .
There's some sort of spices in the air I will say , towards the end , the dry down , more of that , but but that opening it's really fucking good and it's also really fucking pricey . Yes , that's where the rubber meets the road , you know .
Yeah , speaking of rubber , that first spray out of the atomizer has a little bit of skank on it . You didn't like that man on the skin . I know that's your vibe , that's not my vibe , but ooh yeah At first , but I'd say probably 20 minutes in I was like ooh yeah , I loved it the whole time .
Off subject , but really quick and let's don't meander on it . Okay , In this podcast history , what's been one of your more memorable skanky opening moments ? Hmm , I know what mine is . Start with yours , then I need more time to think Mine would actually be . When we first ever smelled Roja Dove's Scandal oh yeah , that was like my at least .
I think that was our first introduction to skank on top . I agree with that , and we were both like what ?
Yeah , at first you're like who ?
likes this . But man , I'm going to tell you it got some compliments .
That's likes this , but man , I'm gonna tell you it got some compliments . That's a good one . It's like that dirtiness , but then it had like the citrusiness of the lime , which is great later .
But at the when you have some skink and you have some sour to it , it's just like whoo it was something I love , that one ouch , but so you didn't like the skankiness to this a little off-putting . I loved it immediately on the tester strip , but on the it took me a little bit .
I got to stop for a second and read something really quick .
This is going to be the podcast from now on . Yeah , constant little side missions that we're doing . It might as well be .
It's our fucking podcast . That's true . Nobody owns it except for the Patreons . Yeah , we don't have any sponsors complaining . I got to read you this and you'll see why . By the way , guys , any of you listeners on Spotify , make sure to hit up the comment section in that .
Oh yeah , A lot of people have been interacting lately and in our episode that went live with the Black Lacquer episode , a young gentleman , issam M . He said the Amawaz pronunciation really backfired on me . Now Mike is saying it correctly . He is even trying to annoy everyone by saying it perfectly .
I had to read that because you know rxl said one comment about tester strips and that will be on your fucking tombstone when .
Yeah , it's true , there's been a couple of things where like , oh , the jerjoff thing , if I hear it and somebody says it , then it's like cemented into my brain and you will yeah , you will always go hard I will just a word to the wise andrew bleep , misspell my name . I'll never forget . I'm like an elephant he turns on his trainers .
Yeah , I'm like the one that's so lovable and kind for so long and then I stomp you to death , all because you like withheld watermelon from me or something they're like what did we do wrong after they beat you ? With fucking prods all your life . Yeah , exactly . Yeah , he's in like cattle prods and shit . Yeah , they're like . Why was he so upset ?
It's just a constant abuse for seven years black lacquer guys .
Amazing and amazingly high price . Definitely gonna say sample it first and if you got the balls to drop on it in the cash , yeah the coins yeah get it . It's good , I fucking love it . I'm really . It's a depressing thing for me . Like I said in my episode , it's like I'll never get to probably buy , because just I just can't afford that .
Here's what I would say for him buy it , buy the big decanter and send us about 10 mil thanks moving on .
Okay , now let's put our freaking juicy noses on jerjoff's iomi monkey special
¶ Scent of the Day: Iommi Monkey Special
spray it up y'all , I'll let you go first , you sure ? Yeah , because this is like guitar , themed and rock this is kind of like your forte , okay .
Okay , I think you deserve to take the top off on this one speaking of like sabbath , I got to meet ronnie james dio's wife wendy really uh-huh . And because I'm a photographer , I got the book of ronnie's photographer .
I met the photographer who toured with them and , yeah you know , took his portraits and got to meet him and get my book signed and all that stuff Dang .
It's cool , that is cool . Damn , that is quite loud over there , ooh .
This is kind of giving me some Raja Dove vibe . We've smelled something like this before .
I think I love it Really . Sorry for the pause on that , but Hmm , it smells like fermented syrup . God , god , I wouldn't go with that , but you got fermented right . And I was actually about to say I don't know why this memory is so fucking strong with me . Think back the 80s .
This is when they'd pick us up from like I don't know , kindergarten in a fucking van with no seats or seat belts , and take all his kids to daycare , oh god . And in the playground area there was a , uh , like a muscadine tree . I can remember like the smell , what they smell like when they hit the ground , and they're muscadine wine .
Yeah , it kind of smells like muscadines a little bit . Dude . Am I even saying that fucking word ? Right , and I'm gonna be real . Is that even ? Is that the real name for it ? I think so . I'm just hoping I'm not saying something like crazy or insulting or something no , I don't think this is texas .
I just that's always what's been called . But I'm sure , like we've added , like , like you say , musky dimes , and I thought it was muscadine , so now we've got to look it up . Yeah , do the pronunciation thing .
Pronunciation thing it's muscadine , muscadine . Yeah , oh , so I got it really wrong .
Well , you got like it's . You know , back in the day , which my family was like this , by the way , you know they grew vegetables . You know so my great grandparents . That's how they made their money . They had a huge garden . They'd take that to market , sell those , it's like you know .
So you got people who are less educated and they're passing stuff down and you know it starts at muscadine and ends at muscadine . You know , that's just that's backwoods , man . That's how we do this . Do you like those , by the way ? I love it . I feel like they're the way the jelly is the best .
Yes , dude , fucking . They're like the grossest thing texture-wise when you eat them , but the flavor is insane . Just imagine , like a hard fat grape you got to crack it open to have this snotty jelly hit in your mouth . That's kind of like sour-sweet , I think , more sour than anything . But man , they're so fucking good .
Yeah , they grow out wild here . Yeah , so you know , we would pick them and then my grandma would make jellies and all different kinds of stuff with it .
I bet you that shit was so fucking good and people would make wine out of it because , you're right , it's very similar to a grape in body style , but it's the texture is completely different and I would argue grapes are a lot better to eat raw than those .
But yeah , people make muscadine wine what do you think about this fragrance ? You still kind of sticking with that . It kind of smells a little fermented .
Yeah , it's doing less of that .
It's slowly kind of chilling it smells pretty rugged , which I feel like kind of goes with this dark , mysterious kind of vibe yeah , it's a lot sweeter on the skin .
On the card it's more boozy , yeah , but on the skin it does have . Like , yeah , like almost like . You made like some homemade syrup and it started fermenting a little bit .
Maybe you made muscadine jelly and it's turning into muscadine wine uh , I let me read you what gerjoff has said about this thing .
Okay , I feel bad knowing that , probably in a few months , if kajal , my favorite fragrance house of all time , sends me back to milan , you're not begging , are you ?
yeah , I will beg uh , I mean too proud to beg . Jurjoff is never going to fucking talk to us dude ?
No , but I mean we go to their cocktail party . I hope they're like , you're the fucking guy . Wait a second . Yeah , you're on our list , our shit list .
Jurjoff blends rock edition sees Black Sabbath's legendary guitarist , tony iomi , unify his monolithic riffs with zherjoff's esteemed expertise to create the first multi-sensational interaction between music and perfume . In an unexpected olfactory venture , sound , taste and image change and contaminate each other . Something , something , something , yada , yada , yada .
Do you feel like this is doing a little bit of what they describe ? Is it , uh ? Is it rubbing my taste buds ? Does this remind you some monolithic riffs , dude ? What does monolithic even mean , with the rift thing ? What's that mean , I don't know ?
like a monolith is like a big , like statuesque thing right ?
I think so , but monolithic . He's gonna look up another word , this fucking word of the day calendar I actually disagree with you . By the really quick . I think the tester strip smells a lot sweeter .
It's really nice yeah , monolith is a single rock or stone that's large , formed from igneous or metamorphic rock , so erosion we're so uneducated , dude , it's so yeah , we're the worst , hey , the uh .
Our uneducated opinions could not be more of a true statement dude .
I mean we're not here claiming to be fucking geologist and shit like uh formed out of igmoremus uh landslide catalytic . Good Lord , yeah , so monolith , I guess , is just like a giant stone that's been eroded , you know , by so a giant rock that he's created Like , not rock and God yeah . Rock God Gotcha , so maybe monolithic .
You know , riffs are like just strong , powerful earthy I kind of get that and you're dressed like a rock star . Today he's got a black t-shirt on and pants I guess , that's a rock star .
I mean , maybe if I had chains and rhinestones all over me , maybe I don't know- quick , uh , side note , if you're not a patreon , let me just go ahead and tell you that you're fucking crazy . There's hundreds of them I can say that now of patreons now with us . They are all fucking badass and they even send us fragrances like this .
Thank you , david , and I'm gonna tell you there's look , here's what you're missing out on yes shut up , ryan .
You're missing out on , if you're not a Patreon , you're not getting extra weekly episodes , you're not getting chances at full bottles and giveaways .
And the biggest thing of all is you're missing out on three different community chats that we have going on One where you can trust it , buy , sell or trade with people and we know they're not douchebags , because if they are , they get booted . No one's ever been booted .
You get the community chat where you get to talk about fragrance stuff with like-minded people the best part , and it's very active in there . And you get a health chat . So it's not just about fragrances but it's like how can we encourage you to just have a better life , better mental health , better physical health ? You got people behind you that encourage you .
And if you don't want any of that , then f*** you Price and popularity
¶ Price and Popularity
. Well , if you want to pick up a big , fat , thick , 100ml bottle of this which , by the way , their 100ml bottles are seriously some fat ass balls , good lord , they are uh , you're looking to spend about 433 or 50 dollars somewhere around there .
How do you feel about that ? By the way , I was actually thinking about it , I went on a walk today by myself sorry bitch uh and I was just thinking what's the cap off limit ? I know I've mentioned it before , but what do you think about that price for 100 mil ? Think that's a fair price .
I think me probably $300 to $350 . Yeah , I mean , and that would be like my one in few that I buy like that . That's a lot of money .
That's kind of where I'm at . I'm like anything over $ 400 bucks for 100 mil pretty pricey . There has to be something crazy going on with that to make that worth it to me it would literally have to be like a special gift .
Either somebody is giving me or I'm giving to them or I don't even know .
But I mean realistically more often than not , because those are so high , I'm always going to like discounters yeah , but even that I'm thinking like if somebody goes , hey , this 100 mil is 700 or something crazy , yeah , it would have to be like here's why it's a small run that we're doing . It's like very special raw materials .
We're not using artificials and in fact , because we don't use artificials , we have to create these special accords with raw materials to still hit things like leather and all that . There'd have to be something behind it to really justify a price tag that high other than just the name brand what if , tony , I owe me spit in this ?
I would not spray it on my skin you think there'd be some people be like I have to own this . Now there's part of the ingredients a few weirdos out there .
Yeah , I mean , what was the one where , like tony hawk , like where they painted boards and like his blood was in some of the paint ?
damn , really , yeah , damn , that's actually . That's badass and hardcore . So hardcore popularity . It's a cool 4.33 out of five with over 2,334 votes . Wow , that is a high marker . That is definitely a high marker and I kind of have to agree . This thing smells pretty fucking good , dude .
The tester strip , she's sweet and dark , and then the skin it's got a little little dark , skanky thing going on . It's pretty nice man , this is very to me this is very raja dove .
I can agree with that . It reminds me of something we've smelled by him .
Actually , I don't think it is . I think it's something that we smelled of Aaron Terrence Hughes . What was that one ? Oh man ? There was one Onyx a little bit . No , it's not Really . You're not getting that . I don't know , dude , I kind of get that vibe . Maybe his tobacco fragrance .
I might be closer to that . This has to me a strong tobacco vibe . I can get that . Does it have tobacco in the notes .
Let's see . I'll read you off the Perfume Pyramid . How's that sound ? He's so excited I just had to get a drink . Actually , there's no tobacco in that wild , it's just rum , passion fruit , bergamot , geranium . That's in that wild . Uh , it's just rum , passion fruit , bergamot , geranium .
That's on top singapore patchouli , cinnamon , leather , bulgarian rose , caramel , vanilla , tonka bean , sandalwood , labdum , ambergris musk time out .
See if you can read them more boring than you just read them with less like excitement . Oh , you really want me to do that ?
no , I'm just making a remark at how like you're like I mean , do you want me to go through a thousand notes ? Really slow like no it's fine . Nothing in there stuck out as exciting or anything I think the only thing that honestly stands out , just because it's like uh kind of wild singapore patchouli you know what I'm saying ?
Like what's uh the difference between you ? Let's click it . Oh fuck , I'm wrong . That's the screenshot . I'm going to click that . Hold on . So Singapore , no , it doesn't say , it just goes to patchouli . So see what is the difference I don't know what's the difference between care .
I doesn't make a difference .
I don't , because I think I mean we , we see this every time . They could have a thousand different notes on there , but it all kind of congeals together to make this like one type of scent .
I feel like that's why I feel like , oh , this feels kind of like you could say , fermented , maybe a little whiny or a little bit muscadine or whatever , a little musky , dimey , that's what I'm kind of getting straight up on the test strip . It still smells like that and that smells really good to me . That's a great memory .
I love it smells great I'm gonna be real , it has a very dingy vibe to me for sure , and I'm shocked you didn't read the .
You probably ran across it , but one of the other people on Fragrantica commented like you're going to smell like a rich degenerate . You know what I'm saying , which kind of makes sense right , yeah . It does . It's kind of a little like somebody walked in they got like a studded leather jacket on . You know who do you think's wearing ?
it Other than Tony Iommi ? Yeah , I mean , I'm going to be real with you . I'm thinking more Versace shirts and thin gold chains . Really , oh yeah .
Okay , okay , I can kind of see that .
Some flowing like white linen pants .
Really , yeah , okay , that is interesting , even on the skin , as skanky as that is . Yes , uh-huh Interesting . What's the age group for this guy up there ? Really , 55 and up ? Wow , yeah , I feel like you don't like this fragrance , or something I don't like it .
For me it doesn't mean it's a bad fragrance . It smells like a high quality fragrance , or is there any disappointment ?
I feel like there's a little disappointment with you . Were you expecting one thing and they pulled the carpet ?
out from under you . No , I came in with zero expectations . Honestly , I really did .
I love it . It is very sour in a way , isn't it ?
Yeah , it's skanky , you know , especially on the skin .
Are you going to skip ? It Sample it or buy it . What ?
are you going skip it , sample it or
¶ Skip it, Sample it, Buy it
buy it ? What are ?
you gonna do ryan ? Well it's a skip yeah it is a skip . It is a skip . I do be liking it , uh-huh , but I also don't feel like it's anything like earth changing for me . Hmm , maybe it is .
Maybe you're onto something with like you think we kind of smelled something like this before sure , but this is not your generic smell no , it's not generic , it's definitely not designer , definitely smells high quality , definitely niche .
I do love the fact that it smells like muscadine uh-huh , yeah , you're getting it , but it's not something I would reach for and try to spray on me all the time , for For sure not . Yeah , I feel like you're really kind of down about it .
I'm not down , I'm trying to process it more than anything , really . Yeah , it's throwing you for kind of a loop . Huh , it is . I mean it's out there .
It's for somebody and I almost think , if you get it a discount , what about a 50 ml for 185 ? Does that seem fair ?
uh , 185 , so close to 200 for 50 mil . That's still pushing it , but that's way better . Yeah , because what was the full price for the 100 mil for something ? I think 450 , 450 , yeah , so you're not really getting much of a discount 185 for 50 mil do you think the fragrance houses are starting to fill people ?
tighten up a little bit . I know I'm tightening up , dude . I feel like , yeah , we were kind of talking about this earlier . It's kind of random , yeah , but I was just like I we kind of feel it in the air , not just fragrance guys , but just like everything . I feel like everybody's tightening up .
Look , I told you I'm embarrassed to say , but the other day I told my kids I was like it's oreos or cheez-its .
Okay , it's not both this time and then I went in debt and bought him oreos , not knowing this story , and he went .
Oh my god you did because our favorite oreos are now at our local store . And you were like I picked you up a thing and I was like , wow , how serendipitous , because the kids chose cheez-its just so you guys are in the know about this .
If you haven't tried it , because I don't know about mike mike is definitely a cookie fan in general , but oh yeah , but I'm not really and I'm definitely not like an oreo fan there , I I'll eat them . Don't get me wrong , I'm fat as fuck . I'll eat the fucking oreo .
My kids love them me . I'm kind of like I'll eat them because they're there with milk .
Yeah , that's it ice cold , but they came out a few months back with dark chocolate oreos and my god , they're delicious , they're dangerous .
Yeah , I I don't keep them in the house and it's not because I'm broke , it's because I'm tempted . And if you're a patreon , you already know because you're in the health chat . We're documenting my weight loss journey . He's proud of that . Yeah , if you were a patreon today , you would know exactly how many pounds down I am , because I posted it this morning .
So when he asks you how much weight he's lost , and you're looking stupid and you can't tell him . That's why yeah .
I'm going to know right off the bat they're not a Patreon .
It's a skip . Yeah , for sure , I don't have anything bad to say about it which is kind of puzzling for my skip . Huh , I really like this . Yeah , for sure , I don't have anything bad to say about it which is kind of puzzling for my skip . Huh , I really like this . So why , why , man ?
I feel like it's good , but it's just not good enough to push me over the edge to be really enthralled with it .
Okay , so no matter the price , if you were like man on discounters , you can get this for $78 for a 50 mil .
I mean if it was that cheap , I'd probably go for it Really Okay 70-something , yeah , but it's never going to be that cheap . But I mean , even at $178 , I'm like nah , I just don't feel that .
Huh , I wonder why . Because this one's so different ? It is , but it's still just not exciting . Why is that ? I don't know . Maybe because we expect something different . I just expected like leather and spice and like Something loud , yeah , like thinking of IOMI , like in my head .
If I try to backwards calculate this , I know it's sad , it didn't really come with any expectations and I really didn't . Yeah , this , I know I said it didn't really come with any expectations and I really didn't yeah . But when I'm thinking about it , what would pop off and have more attitude and make more sense to me ?
Yeah , would be something like that a leather , just a dark , bold leather fragrance you know , it would have been badass .
I'm with you .
I mean , we're thinking like rock gods here , right for sure , yeah , arguably one of the most known rock guitarist of all time has to be . There's lore about this guy . Really . What kind of lore ?
Yeah , that he like cut off the tips of his fingers and he would wear like thimbles on them and play all crazy and stuff yeah , oh yeah , I think I get proven right or wrong . No , I'd rather leave it a mystery . There was also like talk of the occult and stuff like that . You know obviously gonna be tied to black sabbath .
There's gonna be some of that , but tied with him with like allister crowley and all that other stuff , god .
There's a couple of guys tied to allister crowley . Yeah , that would you believe in any of that shit with allister crowley , like Like the old saying stuff , but it has backwards meaning and all that I mean probably .
I don't know that he had the ability to summon the devil and stuff , didn't he file ?
his teeth down and shit to be sharper .
Ooh , I don't know , I thought so I need to do a little bit more research on this guy .
He's also on the cover of one of Michael Jackson's albums .
Hmm , on the cover of one of michael jackson's albums .
Yeah , he was a wild one . He definitely was a wild one . Who was the ? Who was the guitarist from led zeppelin that bought his house ? Jimmy page .
And that's why , if you guys , if you even know this I'm sure some of y'all do but it's like if you listen to stairway to heaven and you play parts of it backwards , you can hear like it talking about like these demons in a shed and it was supposedly a shed on the property there and jimmy page wrote that song yeah , I think if you play that one backwards
to robert plants , the singer , it says like my sweet satan , yeah backwards it definitely sounds like it's saying that . That's why I'm like I don't know . So that shit's kind of wild .
I know we just got really off subject but it's tied to , you know , rock and all that stuff it's a skip . We're glad you guys showed up today and I'm just look , if you made it this far , not really you .
If you don't want to be a patreon that's kind of an ongoing joke that I'm trying to , you know , start but he wants to be able to say fuck you to everybody . Yeah , I'm like , I stole it from talladega nights . Yeah , yeah , if you don't chew big red , then fuck you , basically , but it is something you should consider .
If you're , if , at this point , look , if you went through the rabbit hole far enough to google where a fragrance podcast would be that you can listen to it , yeah , then you're our kind of people and you need to be in a group that isn't just full of internet trolls and assholes like out there , you know , blindly joining an internet group .
Check out the patreon , I think you'll really like it I don't even think it's a thing , I know .
Yeah , until next time , ladies and gentlemen .